Patron Saints for 2017

As I wrote two weeks ago, for the first time since this blog's inception, you lovely readers won't be voting on this blog's patron saint for the upcoming year. Instead, I opted to make the Holy Family the permanent patron saints for the blog. It's something I thought about for a long time and it seemed like the right time to make this change.

St. Joseph (2016) was the last patron saint chosen by y'all. Others throughout the years have included: St. Dymphna (2007), St. Teresa of Avila (2007 and 2012), Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati (2008 and 2009), St. Cecilia (2010), St. Therese of Lisieux (2011), St. Catherine of Siena (2012), Mary Undoer of Knots (2013), St. Raphael the Archangel (2014), and St. Brigid of Ireland (2015). That is a pretty awesome list and each patron saint really helped me out a lot each year that they were chosen; some in unexpected ways. Thank you all who voted for the saints over the years. :D

Just because I'm not asking y'all to help me to pick a patron saint doesn't mean I don't want one for 2017. This year I decided to use Jen Fulwiler's Saint's Name Generator. I said a small prayer ("please, let me get a saint who will help me with whatever will be my biggest obstacle") before I clicked the button. I got...

The result made me laugh for three reasons. First, today I went to visit Dad's grave for the last time for this year... and his patron saint was St. Michael the Archangel. Second, this year I was able to identify that I need a lot of help with a couple of temptations (an example: the temptations to be lazy and procrastinate when I should be doing something important) that I need to work on in the upcoming year. Third, this year was the year that the devotion of praying the Chaplet of St. Michael finally stuck. I even asked Allison to custom-make a chaplet for me to use. 

But wait... I wanted one more patron saint for something else that's been on my heart lately: my vocation. I did the process again and got...

The archangel who told Mama Mary she was to be the mother of our Lord. He will be the patron of my vocation discernment. I think I'm in good hands. At this point I think I should just add St. Raphael the Archangel and adopt all three archangels as my patron saints for the upcoming year. lol. 

Are any of you choosing patrons for the upcoming year? If so, will you do a reader poll like I used to or will you be using the Saint's Name Generator as well? I would love to hear which you're doing and who you've gotten as your patron saint. :D

My molar (the one that needs a root canal... that I cannot currently afford and isn't covered by my dental insurance) is starting to hurt a little so I'm going to rest for a little while. St. Apollonia, please pray for me!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Blog Changes

When I first started this blog, on Christmas Day 2007, I had no idea that I would continue to be blogging nearly a decade later. I started to write because (at the time) there were no Catholic blogs talking about the faith with issues such as anxiety, illness, and other topics that people seemed to not be comfortable talking about. I wanted to give a voice to those who were too afraid to talk about dealing with these issues on a personal level. A lot of my earliest readers found me by searching for "Catholicism and anxiety." Fast forward 9 years later, bloggers are more open than I am about their lives. Sure, I still share a lot (or it seems like I do ;D) but I'm not one of the only bloggers who are open about their daily struggles and how our faith is affected or enriched by them.

I've been thinking about it for a long time now and I've decided to open up on different topics that I normally shied away from... and be a little more open and honest in general. That's not to say I haven't been honest in my blog posts -- I have -- but I've also edited myself a lot out of fear of judgment or offending people. I've slowly been doing this in recent months (I'm sure some of you have noticed) but it's going to be a little more obvious in coming posts/weeks. I'm starting a new chapter in my life and I want to be able to talk about it without fear. If you don't end up liking the new direction, that's okay. I know I'm not a $100 bill; not everyone is going to like me or what I have to offer. :)

One of the big changes that I'm also making is that I'm no longer doing the annual "help me choose the patron saint for this blog" poll. After 8 years of doing this, I thought it was time for this change. This year, St. Joseph was the reader-chosen patron saint and it feels right that he be the last one chosen by a poll. After thinking about it for a while, I've chosen the Holy Family to be the permanent patron saints for this blog. I've developed wonderful devotions to the individual members of the Holy Family (as the Sacred Heart of Jesus, the Immaculate Heart of Mary, and St. Joseph) during this year so it seems fitting that they, as the Holy Family, continue to intercede for me so that I may write what might help others who stumble across this blog.

I'll be re-introducing novena posts (having daily novena prayers posted) throughout the year. I'm not sure which novenas I'll post/schedule during the year (starting next year) but I'll try to change them so that there's variety from year-to-year. I cleaned up the blog and website links and will be adding to them as I find the time. I think that's it... for now. Just a couple of layout and content changes. As I said, a new chapter in my life is beginning and I need to grow up and change with it. :)

Anyway, that's it for now. I really want to clean the apartment since it's been neglected while I studied for and took finals. Oops. I also have a lot of books to get through in less than a week that I borrowed from the library. A break from the online world for a couple of hours will do me good, especially considering I still have emails and other things to catch up on from the past couple of weeks. Those can wait a little longer. ;)

I hope y'all are having a great week thus far! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

And the Patron for 2015 is...

Thank you all for your votes. I had a couple of "write-in" votes for St. Joseph and St. Drogo as well as some tweet votes since some of you couldn't access the poll widget. After tallying them all up, St. Brigid of Ireland was still the winner.

This is the total count:
1) St. Brigid -12
2) Our Lady of Lourdes - 9
2) St. Francis de Sales - 9
3) St. Nicholas of Myra - 8
3) St. Dominic de Guzman - 8
3) St. Catherine of Alexandria - 8
4) St. Elizabeth of Hungary - 6
4) St. Albert Magnus (the Great) - 6
5) St. Bibiana - 5
5) St. Thomas Aquinas - 5
6) St. Joseph - 2
6) St. Drogo - 2


Again, thank you for helping me choose a patron for 2015. As a patroness for scholars, I'm excited to learn more about St. Brigid as I (hopefully) begin grad school this coming fall. (P.S. No, I haven't heard back from either Franciscan or Christendom but I'm still praying and hoping that one of them accepts me into their Theology M.A. program.)

I will have my annual "The Year This Nerd..." blog post up tomorrow. I'm kind of excited because... well, you'll see. ;)

Now, if you'll excuse me... I have my annual clean-a-thon to get back to before a friend gets here for some catching up. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Help Me Choose a Patron for 2015!

Yes, it's that time again... and I'm late posting this! Sorry. Y'all know I've been busy so that's my excuse. :D

I like to do this every year because I always learn something new... or the saint ends up being incredibly relevant to my year. This year's patron, St. Raphael the Archangel, was... wow. I ended up serving as the person many of my friends went to when they were going through relationship issues and/or advice in general. In fact, I think I spent most of the year being some of my guy friends' "wing woman" / serving for advice on engagements. I had no clue I was going to do so much of that when St. Raphael was chosen by y'all. Good job, y'all! lol.

This year's list of potential patrons were chosen based on three things: 1) that they haven't been patrons of this blog before, 2) their patronages were relevant to what I can foresee in my future next year, and 3) they weren't saints I was too familiar with so that I could learn about whoever is chosen throughout the year. I've listed their patronages below in case you're not familiar with them. You can vote for as many as you'd like, too.

Our Lady of Lourdes: illness. Pretty self-explanatory.
St. Albert Magnus (the Great): students; Theology students in particular.
St. Bibiana: Los Angeles and single laywomen.
St. Brigid of Ireland: scholars. This Hibernophile always lists an Irish saint. lol.
St. Catherine of Alexandria: academic, students, teachers, theologians, and unmarried women. Fun fact: Catalina "Lina" Zamora in the novels is named after her.
St. Dominic de Guzman: Dominicans and falsely accused people. I'm also discerning becoming a lay Dominican.
St. Elizabeth of Hungary: bakers, falsely accused people, and tertiaries (third order/lay people).
St. Francis de Sales: authors and teachers.
St. Nicholas of Myra: students, teachers, and unmarried women.
St. Thomas Aquinas: academics, students, and theologians.

Alright, y'all have until December 30th at 11:59 a.m. PST to vote. Yes, noon on the 30th so I can post the winner that day and still have the 31st for my annual "The Year This Nerd..." post. That's less than 4 days from now. Think y'all can vote and/or get others to vote? Please? Thank you! The poll is on the right side, under my novel listings. ----->

That's it for now. I have things to do (when do I not? lol) and only a few daylight hours left. Wish me luck. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Dear Student Headed Back to a Public or CINO School...

Dear Student Headed Back to a Public or CINO School,

congrats on returning to school this Fall semester! If you're a freshman, good luck on your new journey. If you're just continuing, good luck on the rest of your journey. If you're a senior, you're almost done! It'll go by faster than you'll expect so enjoy every moment. :D

Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, I'd like to address issues I've seen (and, unfortunately, continue to see) as a faithful Catholic at a not-so-orthodox school. It's really hard holding onto your beliefs and/or being vocal about them at a place where Catholicism and/or religion is seen as something that needs reform and/or to be squashed. I saw it when I was at public community colleges (I didn't get a chance to give my pro-life rebuttal in an abortion debate in a Philosophy course despite the pro-choice student having the opportunity to present her side).

As an undergrad, I saw it when I was at a "Catholic" (in name only; CINO) college in which they openly defied documents they signed (and admitted to signing) stating that they could not teach liberation theology, spoke ill of priests, called Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI a "super rat in red shoes", was made to read questionable books and sit through terrible lectures, and suffered through so much crumbs that I've often been told I should write in detail about what I endured (which I will, when it's least expected).

As a post-BA/pre-MS SLP (speech-language pathology) student, I'm still seeing it in a class. Admittedly, it's only been one professor in a non-SLP course because my school (Utah State University; public university) is in "Mormon country" and all my other professors and classmates have seemed more openly pro-life and/or conservative; even more so than at my "Catholic" alma mater.

The point is that, unless you're at one of the wonderfully orthodox Catholic colleges, you'll more than likely encounter the same or similar stories. You will be tempted to stay silent because your professor will allow those with more "liberal" beliefs to speak out while suppressing those who are more "conservative" (the stories I could tell). You may have professors who will give you dirty looks or refuse to let you speak out in class... or even make you cry in class because of their hostility (been there). You will face so many challenges that will make you want to either "tone down" your beliefs and/or simply stay silent. To that I say: don't you dare!

If you're still a theology "newbie" or don't understand the Church teachings regarding some topics (abortion, gay marriage, and celibacy are the big ones that almost always come up), do the research from legitimate theologians and/or Catholic apologists. I was blessed to have a friend, who is also a Catholic apologist, in my corner (as well as other incredibly savvy friends) who encouraged me and supplied me with the knowledge (many times, books) I needed to be able to form the counterargument needed in class. Educate yourself instead of going along with what some professors "teach" you. If it sounds sketchy, look it up yourself. You would (or maybe wouldn't) be surprised at how many of my previously orthodox classmates were taken over to the "dark side" (no, they don't have cookies, either) because they believed that the professors wouldn't lead them astray. It was painful to watch. (side note: although, I'll admit, I did get at least one person out of my alma mater when I did some "underground" work letting friends and classmates know that what was being taught wasn't orthodox).

If you live on-campus or away from home, don't alter your prayer life too much. If you need to do some time management and schedule in some prayer time in the middle of the craziness, do it! Don't say "oh, I'll do it later" because no, you most likely won't do it later. Don't stop attending Mass. Not only is it a mortal sin to not attend Sunday Mass (or Saturday Vigil Mass) without a legitimate reason, it's also going to make it harder for you to keep your faith in one piece. You can say that you're a "strong and faithful Catholic" all you want but college and independence always come with temptations that will attempt to pull you away from God.

I'm going to share something I don't think I've ever shared on this blog (or outside my close circle of friends) before: though I commuted to school, there were still a variety of temptations that popped up. On a number of occasions, I was invited to "hang out" (or, sometimes, straight out getting invited to "spend the night"/"sleep with... for fun; no strings attached") at the apartments of male classmates. A big NOPE. Invites to go out drinking when I was underage? I always passed. (side note: I still don't drink alcohol but that's more because a) I've never been drawn to drinking and b) doctors have suggested I abstain from alcohol for health (anxiety) reasons.) If you're old enough to drink, I have nothing against it; just don't get so drunk that your judgment is impaired. I was one of the fortunate few who was never invited to try drugs but I wouldn't have regardless. Ditching class? Invited to do. Cheat on exams? Definitely had those temptations (but I couldn't/can't). Doing things that would harm me (mentally, psychologically, physically, spiritually) in some way? Had at least one per day.

My tips for staying Catholic in college: If you're able to, attend daily Mass. You don't know what a blessing it was for me to be able to do it whenever I didn't have morning classes. Go to confession as frequently as you need to. Pray the Rosary and/or Chaplet of the Divine Mercy daily if possible. Keep praying throughout the day (when you wake up, at meal times, before bed). Offer up anything that may upset you (I personally used St. Therese sacrifice beads during my time at the CINO college). Do novenas. Surround yourself with other faithful Catholics. Get a spiritual director if you don't already have one. Etc etc. There are so many things you can do to keep your faith intact and so many wonderful people willing to help you along the way. If you stumble along the way, remember that you can always try again. We're human and we will all fail at doing something from time to time but we can always pick ourselves up, confess it (if it must be), and start again.

Also, my personal, "no fail" list of patron saints for students:
- Holy Spirit (especially during exam weeks or hard courses)
- St. Thomas Aquinas (patron of students)
- St. Joseph of Cupertino (patron of exam takers)
- Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati (personal academic patron; died one exam short of completing degree, highly recommended for college students)
- look up the patron of the career you've chosen (i.e. St. Drogo for us SLPs-in-training)

This blog post is getting too long so I'll conclude with this: don't be afraid to speak up about your faith and/or your beliefs. If you don't believe yourself capable of defending your faith, read up on it for the next time. We are called to speak the Truth, even if others don't want to hear it. It may not make you popular in this world, but isn't it our goal to reach Heaven and not please those here on earth?

And with that, I must return to my own studies. I have a couple of things due within the next week and I want to finish them as early as possible (read: I want to have some free time without stressing about meeting deadlines).

Good luck, everyone! Remember to not give up or, as Bl. Pier Giorgio used to say, "Verso l'alto!"

Sincerely,

Help Me Choose This Blog's Patron Saint for 2013

I am so super late on this (I usually give it at least a week) but I've been so busy and I was forgetting that I hadn't done the patron saint poll this year. Yes, you only have 4 days (well, 3.5) but that seems like it'll be enough time.

I was actually debating doing it this year because I usually get the same questions. "Why the poll?" "Is this a patron for all your readers?" In a nutshell: the idea is that my readers help me figure out a patron saint to study and adopt as my patron saint for the year. Yes, this means that when you vote, you are also telling me which saint you think you be good for not only myself but for those of you who regularly ask for prayers and novenas. I've done it every year (except 2007) and you can see the choices and winners from 2008, 2009, 2010, and 2011.

As you can see, St. Catherine of Siena and St. Teresa of Avila won last year's poll (for this year). Y'all helped me choose well. With my crazy 50+ page Thesis this year (as well as the beginning of my career as a freelance writer), I couldn't have asked for better patrons.

I'm crunched for time (I have so much to do today and tomorrow) so here's the gist: you pick your favorites and/or the ones who you think I would benefit learning from in the poll on the right side, under this year's patron saints. I will list what each saint is patron of in case you don't know. And, for the record, each would be great for many reasons so go nuts and vote for each if you feel like it. :D

Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati (patron of students and youth; patron of this blog in 2008)
Infant Jesus of Prague (patron of travellers and good health)
Mary, Undoer of Knots (one of the Blessed Virgin Mary's many names)
St. Brigid of Ireland (patroness of scholars and printing presses)
St. Catherine of Alexandria (patroness of teachers and unmarried girls; whom my novel's heroine is named after ;D)
St. Cecilia (patroness of musicians and singers; patroness of this blog in 2010)
St. Dymphna (patroness of those who suffer from anxiety; co-patroness of this blog in 2007)
St. Francis de Sales (patron of teachers and writers)
St. Jude (patron of difficult cases)
St. Lucy of Syracuse (patroness of writers and those who suffer from eye problems)
St. Paul the Apostle (patron of writers)
St. Raphael the Archangel (patron of happy meetings, travelers, and youth)
St. Timothy (patron of stomach illnesses)

*EDIT: I forgot to add St. Brigid to the original poll. Since Blogger wouldn't let me edit it, I added her in an additional poll underneath. You can vote in both polls. :D*

Anyway, you have until 11:59 p.m. PST (West Coast, represent, lol) on the 31st to vote. You may vote for as many of them as you'd like. Go nuts!

And now... to try to finish my clean-a-thon and go on an errands run. Long day ahead.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

Help Me Pick 2012's Patron Saint

Most of you know the drill: I've picked saints I believe may help me in the upcoming year. I pick them based on what they are patrons of; things (vocations or otherwise) that fit me personally. I tend to also look into the life of the saint during the year in hopes of my learning something new. St. Therese was a HUGE help this year and I thank all of you who voted for her last year. :D

Now, three of the saints have been previous patron saints of this blog but are allowed back on. As long as they were not the previous year's patron saint (meaning no St. Therese [2010] or St. Cecilia [2009] on the list until 2013) they are back on the list.

Bl. Giacomo (James) Alberione (some consider him a patron of Catholic New Media)
Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati (patron of students and youth; patron of this blog in 2008)
Mary, Undoer of Knots (one of the Blessed Virgin Mary's many names)
St. Brigid of Ireland (patroness of scholars and printing presses)
St. Catherine of Alexandria (patroness of teachers and unmarried girls; whom my novel's heroine is named after ;D)
St. Catherine of Siena (patroness of people ridiculed for their piety and against temptations)
St. Dymphna (patroness of those who suffer from anxiety; co-patroness of this blog in 2007)
St. Francis de Sales (patron of teachers and writers)
St. Lucy of Syracuse (patroness of writers and those who suffer from eye problems)
St. Paul the Apostle (patron of writers)
St. Raphael the Archangel (patron of happy meetings, travelers, and youth)
St. Teresa of Avila (patroness of writers and people ridiculed for their piety; co-patroness of this blog in 2007)

The poll (over there on the right hand side --->) will be opened until December 30th at 4 a.m. PST. Odd time, I know, but that's the time I usually wake up. ;) And, I say it's never a popularity contest but it always ends up being so... lol. Just please vote for whomever you think would be a good patron saint for me to have during the year; the one who will help me on my journey. :D Oh, and you may vote for however many saints you want. There is no limit. :D Okay... have fun. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Back to School While Sick; Student Patron Saints

Yup, these are some (about half) of the books I will need this semester. Yes, one semester and I still have to get the other portion. Repeat after me "Oy..."

It's that time of year again. The sun is blazing hot in Southern California. The sales are in full swing. Emmy's panic attacks have returned after months of being dormant and intercessions are asked of St. Thomas Aquinas and St. Joseph of Cupertino. Yes, it's time to tear out my hair... er... head back to school. This year will be different as I will be transferring to a new college. To add to the fun: I have sinusitis, an infection/virus, I'm fatigued, my temp is going up, and my throat just begun to really hurt/become scratchy. There are more physical symptoms (i.e. headaches) that I failed to mention but, basically, I am falling apart only days before classes begin. FUN! /sarcasm. lol.

Normally I'm excited for classes to begin in the Fall... and I was until I started feeling miserable. Lack of updates for the past two weeks? You can thank the virus I have for that. I thought I was getting the flu but it's too early to have the flu. Then I thought I had the airborne cold virus that many of my friends, as well as my mom, have but nada. I went to the doctor yesterday to find out the official diagnosis and won't get my antibiotics and meds until Monday. Did I also mention my first class is at 8 in the morning but due to rush hour traffic on the freeway, I have to leave at 6:30 a.m.? Oh yeah, this is going to be awesome! lol.

Seriously, though, I hope to just rest as much as I can today and tomorrow. Water, teas with lemon and honey, and sleep will be friends until I feel better. I have to keep water coming in anyway because I found out I have low blood pressure and I need to keep my fluid intact coming at a steady rate so I don't get lightheaded or anything. Though I do feel like I'm falling apart, I keep reminding me that it'll pass and that God never gives us anything we can't handle.

Friday into Saturday night I had the absolute worse panic attack (and I haven't had any in months) I've had since months before my dad passed away. It was so bad that my mom nearly took me to the Emergency Room at 1 a.m. Since I knew it was anxiety and that it was probably a combination of the sinusitis, virus, indigestion from my dinner, and the panic attack that made me feel like I was going nutty, I just laid in bed and clutched the green scapular in my right hand. I have such faith in the scapular that it actually helps the anxiety go down significantly. A couple of prayers and crying jags later (yes, I cry out of frustration when the anxiety is absolutely horrible) and I fell fast asleep. I woke up feeling better, in terms of anxiety, and I'm giving credit to the green scapular (as well as my mom's prayers to Our Lady of Guadalupe and my earlier prayer to St. Dymphna) for this.

Anyway, the illness and optimism I am trying to retain (with a dash of sarcasm since I deal with unpleasantness with jokes and sarcasm) aside, I am glad I have everything ready for the start of the year. I have most of my books (except for one class that posted the books needed only two-three days ago) and things needed for the first weeks of the semester. I didn't get any clothing this year (as I normally do) because a) I am officially out of (frivolous) spending money and b) there was absolutely no good, modest clothing to be found anywhere I looked. I actually have a blog I started about this two Mondays ago that I need to finish and post regarding this little adventure.

For my fellow students I have to ask, are you all spiritually ready for the start of the year (if you have or have no already started)? Have you resolved to keep God first and foremost even if you're attending a public school/university? This is my first year in a Catholic school (and I'm finally a junior! About time!) but it's quite liberal from what I've heard so I have an uphill battle ahead of myself. Do you have a special student patron saint whose intercession you ask for when you feel stuck in a rut? If not, here's a list of patron saints of students (via SQPN):

- Albert the Great
- Ambrose of Milan
- Benedict
- Cassian of Imola
- Catherine of Alexandria
- Gabriel of the Sorrowful Mother
- Gemma Galgani
- Gregory the Great
- Isidore of Seville
- Jerome
- John Bosco
- Joseph Calasanz
- Joseph of Cupertino
- Lawrence of Rome
- Nicholas of Myra
- Osanna Andreasi
- Philomena
- Symphorian of Autun
- Thomas Aquinas
- Ursula

I'd also like to add Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati to that list. He died two exams short of receiving his degree so he is asked for intercession by those who have big academic problems or obstacles. I owe my not having to pay for tuition to him since I asked him to help me find a way to pay for college. As I've said before, I ended up receiving a massive scholarship (twice the amount I was first offered at this school) as well as some grants. I couldn't have afforded school otherwise so credit given where credit's due.

My other two "go-to" patron saints when it comes to school are St. Thomas Aquinas and St. Joseph of Cupertino. I have never been let down when I've been in a real bind. As I wrote in this entry nearly two years ago, through their intercession I was able to complete an intense midterm (and later final) while sick with a nasty cold. By the way, that link also has prayers to both saints. I'd recommend either writing them down or bookmarking the entry so you can have it during exams or whenever you need them. But, remember, if you don't study or put in the effort you can't expect them to help you out. Relying on prayers and intercession when you don't give your all generally won't work.

Before I end this blog, I want to pass along this link to a College Blog Roll that Lisa Hendy started in which you "adopt" a college student to pray for. That's a great idea, if you ask me! Who doesn't want to help out the incoming freshman and other students as they try to navigate their way through college. I've "adopted" a couple of students and hope that my prayers will help them somehow. :)

Anyway, to everyone going back: good luck!!! Just remember that a prayer and the sign of a cross as you get to campus is a good way to start the school year and it helps you remember what's truly important. :) For extra comfort, having a Rosary with you or the prayer card of your favorite saint is recommended. :) Best wishes to all and if I don't pass out from the 4 flights of stairs I have to go up and down four times tomorrow (because the elevator is extremely slow), I'll try to blog as soon as I can. :D

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Mean Girls and "Girl World"

When I first watched the movie Mean Girls, I'll admit I laughed out loud. While it may (at first) seem like an exaggerated version of "girl world", I've come to find that not only is it tame compared to the stuff a majority of us women go through (even as adults) but it's actually dead on underneath the humor. Trust me on this, I've lived through MUCH worse thanks to the cattiness and constant "power struggle" within the so-called girl world.

It wasn't until I found myself some really amazing girlfriends (a majority devout Christians of various denominations and Catholics) that I realized that it was possible to never set foot into the scary "girl world" that is alive and well in most parts of the world. So called Queen Bees are truly scary. Heck, I'll be 25 on Sunday and they still scare me. lol. While I can certainly defend myself, I often choose to simply turn the other cheek. It's much easier and more Christian than plotting my revenge against. Plus, I avoid drama like the plague; I absolutely loathe it. Things had been good for me for the past couple of years until someone pulled me (whether she meant to or not) back into the girl world I try so hard to avoid. If you haven't guessed it, a guy is (of course) at the center of this "fight."

I normally don't talk about my romantic relationships because I feel like it's just between the person I'm dating (or interested in) and myself. I'm still not saying much but I feel like this needs to be said because I haven't really seen this discussed in young women's blogs (at least not the Catholic ones.)

Why is it that when two young women are interested in the same guy, there is sudden competition? Not only that, some get downright vindictive if they feel you're threatening to take men's attention from her. Why? I don't get it. It's definitely worse when two girls are after the same guy. Usually they try to "one-up" each other, making themselves seem like the perfect girl to the guy and trashing the other in the process. It's absolutely sickening... and I refuse to ever take part in that sort of thing. If you think Christian women are saved, you are wrong my friends. Some so-called Christian women do things more... how can I say this?... sneakily? Is that even a word? Well, anyway, I've seen these women use theology and Christianity to get ahead in the "competition." Really? Seriously? How low can we go, ladies? Using God to get a guy to like you? Lord help us all! Not only that, the more we get into these "fights" and "competitions" the happier you're making the evil one. Is that what you really want?

Of course I don't think I have to remind y'all that not only is this type of thing just insane but it's actually extremely sinful. I can think of at least one big mortal sin that you commit while doing this. We definitely get tempted to do a lot of really stupid things just to "win" the guy. And, unfortunately, not many stop to think about what they're doing until it's way too late and the drama has erupted into a full on war. I am woman enough to admit that I've often been tempted to also "step up my game" when I've seen a girl trying to win over my crush by force (oh the tactics I can list...) but I've managed to do well thus far.

Like I said in my Friendship and Jealousy post, I firmly believe that what is meant to happen will happen. Lately, I've allowed my "competition" to do as she pleases -- doing things I'd never do to get a guy to like me -- because I know that if it's meant to be it will be. I am not going to stress myself over this. If the guy falls for the tricks he's being played, not my fault. I'm not going to say anything because that's her deal with him. Just like I don't like people butting into my affairs (trying to have a say in the outcome of it just because they can't resist), I am not going to mess with the other girl's deal. To me, it's not worth it. I'm going to be myself and if the guy doesn't realize who I am and what I can bring to the relationship, it's not my fault. I refuse to throw myself at him. I refuse to change myself for him. I refuse to enter "girl world" drama for anything, especially a guy. I'm just going to leave it up to God and, if necessary, ask St. Raymond Nonnatus (patron against gossip) or St. Margaret of Cortona for their intercession because I can only handle so much. If you feel yourself getting tempted by these or any temptations, feel free to ask St. Michael the Archangel, St. Benedict of Nursia, or St. Catherine of Siena for their intercessions -- I have great faith in them, especially since they are some of the patrons against temptations. :)

Alright, my dears, I will now focus on school. I've been wasting too much time online and I think all these happenings are a sign that I should get offline more often and focus on my finals. I think I'm getting to complacent -- I know I can finish all the work quickly so I procrastinate. I will try to update soon but don't be surprised if I don't until after Sunday. It is, after all, a big weekend for me. :D

I hope everyone is well and that all you lovely young ladies are having it easier than I have/am at the moment. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.

Should This Nerd Stay or Go?

It's been over a month since dad died and I'm still attempting to go on with my life as much as I can. Last Tuesday, the 11th, a good friend of mine took my mom and I to the cemetery to leave flowers for dad since it had been a month since he died. I think we're going back on the 22nd to leave him more flowers, since he was buried the 22nd of July. The shock has worn off, the crying comes and goes. I'm also going through the "anger" stage in the mourning process at the moment. I feel upset all the time but I keep it in because I know if I snap it'll be directed towards my mother (who's also going through the anger stage; we're driving each other crazy so we interact as little as possible at the moment) and that would not only be disrespectful, but very hurtful. The last thing I want is to hurt her. I went through the numbness and the shock. I went through the guilt stage pretty quickly because Lord knows I did all I could to help him. The depression stage is supposed to come and go and I already went through a bit of that last week. But while I'm going through all of this, I'm still hopeful and optimistic. It's weird that I've been able to hold onto this throughout everything. I guess I truly am an eternal optimist.

I guess maybe I am still going through a guilt stage... only not over dad's death. With school starting on the 31st for me, I have to start thinking (again) on where I'll apply to for transfer this Fall. I have ruled out Mount St. Mary's College (L.A.) for good, though I was truly happy there. I'm trying to be practical and it would just be too expensive for me to be there for another couple of years. I've been thinking of re-applying to UBC in Vancouver, Canada (where I was originally destined for this Fall) and a couple of univerisities in England because it's always been a dream of mine to attend college outside the States. If I could, without any guilt, I would go to UBC. But I can't exactly do that without thinking things through... and with A LOT of prayer.

See, I have this dilemma right now. For the first time in my college career, I don't have anything keeping me in Los Angeles. Every time in the past, there was something - usually dad's battles with cancer. Now that dad's no longer with us, and I've got a good handle on my anxiety, there's nothing that's really keeping me here... except my mother. The one time I have the ability to be selfish and follow one of my dreams, I can't because I have mom to take care of. I'm fully aware that she's a grown woman and can take care of herself... yet, I still feel responsible for her. In so many ways, I've become the adult in the family. I keep track of things and keep her from doing things (like spending massive amounts of money on things we don't need) that would affect the both of us. She's currently battling another cold... which she got because she didn't listen to me about not taking a shower and then going out at 4 in the morning, a number of times. She was just getting over her bronchitis and I knew the cold, wet hair + cold pre-dawn weather would not help her. It's weird that it's almost like roles have been reversed and now I'm the mother in this relationship. Because of all of this, I feel like I can't go... though I really want to.

Now the question I have is... should I stay or should I go? UBC is my dream school and I think I have a pretty good chance of getting in and doing very well there. I want to be autonomous, which I know I can be, and really enjoy my youth. Of course, doesn't mean I'm going to go crazy -- I just want to go to a top university that offers all the courses I would love to take. Anyway, my idea of a good time is drinking tea and reading a book. lol. AND UBC has both a Newman Center for Catholic students AND a Catholic chapel within the university. That was what sealed the deal for me -- what made me really want to go there. At the same time, I'm afraid to leave my mother. Not afraid because I don't think I can take care of myself, I know I can. I'm afraid of leaving her here because I know she would need me in more ways than one. I'm the only family she has left; I have her AND my brothers and sister left.

It doesn't help that she's starting to guilt trip me into not going anywhere. I honestly can't even go out with my friends, even if it's for a quick bite. She either wants to go with me EVERYWHERE I go, or if I tell her (politely and respectfully) that I'd like some alone time with my friends, she guilt trips me into staying home because she can't come with me. It's both frustrating and understandable. I think this is where part of the "anger" I'm feeling is coming from, and I don't like it. As Fr. Juan told me last week, the opposite of love is anger, so I should really try to get this out of my system. I've started asking St. Jerome for his help in dealing with this impatience/anger/frustration since he had a similar problem when he was alive. I'm not used to feeling this way; it's all very new to me.

Maybe I've felt an inexplicable want/need to be closer to St. Therese of Lisieux because of all of this. She lost her mother at a very young age. She knew her vocation early on as well (though I'm quite sure that my vocation is to be a wife and mother, and not a religious sister). I'm sure there is a lot I can learn from her. This feeling has been building, slowly, over the last couple of weeks. I really need to get my hands on her autobiography. The only book I have on her (which isn't her autobiography) is only a few pages long and is in Spanish. I grew up speaking, reading, and writing Spanish but I've always felt more comfortable doing these things in English. Too bad my school textbooks are costing an arm and a leg, or else I would get myself her autobiography right now. Hmm...

Well, to wrap up this blog, I will say that it looks like I'm going to be undecided for a long time. If at least one of you guys can please help me pray... that I get some sort of clue as to what to do, I'd greatly appreciate it. I might take some time away from the computer, after my London research (which I am doing from home instead of directly from/at London as planned; again, I can't go anywhere. :(), just to do some heavy praying and meditating. I think I'll ask St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, or St. Bridget of Sweden to help mom out (they are two of the many patronesses of widows). Actually... I just realized something VERY weird. A couple of months ago I had a dream that my big brother Moises (who died as an infant) showed me a holy card of St. Catherine of Sweden and told me it was meant for mom... St. Catherine of Sweden was the daughter of St. Bridget of Sweden, who is the patroness of widows. Wow. What a weird coincidence... I'll try finding a prayer card of St. Bridget for mom...

Alright, I think that's enough for now. I think I might go to the San Fernando Mission for a little while (perk of living not too far from it) and see if that doesn't help me with this little anxious feeling I've had all week. No full blown panic attacks yet (thank you, St. Dymphna!). Oh, and btw, I HAVE been working on blogs, one of which has been in draft form on here (not yet published), for a couple of days. That one is taking a bit of research. :D More will come before I go back to school. I hope everyone is doing well and is having a good end of summer.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Happy All Saints' Day!

Happy All Saints' Day everyone! I hope you all say a little prayer of thanks to all the saints... your patron saints and other saints... for giving us wonderful examples of how to be good Catholic Christian people. Also, for all the intercessions they've done on our behalf during our most difficult moments. If you've read my blog long enough, you know how appreciative I am of saints. I love 'em. :D I know it's not mandatory for us in the U.S. to go to Mass tonight because this day of obligation falls on a Saturday and it transfers to tomorrow's Mass. I would stay, though, if I could. Unfortunately, I don't think I am going to stick around the Mass tonight, after confessions, because I've been feeling very weak and like I'm going to faint.

I honestly don't even know if I'll make it to confessions tonight. I feel just blah. Don't know what's up but I hope it's just something that will go away by itself and doesn't require me to go to the doctor... or the E.R. Prayers are definitely welcomed because this is one of the worst feelings to have.

I had a dream last night that I went to the E.R. because I'd accidentally swallowed a staple. Seriously. I've also been dreaming quite frequently that I'm going to die... or that it's the end of the world. Eh. I think it's just all stress related. I mean, I had a mini panic attack this morning but I think it's all the stress that I've had recently finally being released out of my system. I definitely have delayed reactions when it comes to my anxiety. I'm weird like that. lol.

I don't have much to write beyond this. Really, I wanted to wish everyone a good All Saints' Day. I hope y'all aren't hung over (from the sugar high/rush and then crash) from all the Halloween parties you might've attended. You know who you are. lol.

Alright, I think I'm going to go lay down for a bit. Hope everyone's doing well. :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.
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Is it Possible To Ask Too Many Saints for their Intercession?

So, I have this slight dilemma. The whole world is my oyster, and I have no idea what to do. On the education front: I had a school I was set to attend this Fall all but, for reasons I will never understand, it fell through. Although I'm VERY disappointed that I won't be attending this particular school, I understand that there HAS to be a reason why I didn't end up going there. As I said to the Lord a few weeks ago when I was praying, I am putting myself completely in his hands, so I know that whatever ends up happening will be for the best. I will also ask St. Thomas Aquinas for his intercession in hopes that he and God guide me to the school I will attend to finish my degree... if I am to finish my Bachelor's degree.

See, it would be done if I only had the one problem... but it's not simple. Is it ever that easy? lol. Not only do I not know what to do in terms of my education, I have NO CLUE what I am to do as a vocation. I am mentally set on becoming a writer but what if it doesn't work out? There are so many things I'd consider doing -- becoming a Religious Studies teacher for elementary school children is getting closer to the top of list -- that I have no clue what direction to go in. I could ask St. Jude Thaddeus (my patron saint) to help since he IS the patron saint of hopeless causes, but I feel bad asking his intercession because I've already asked way too much years ago.

Then there's other issues like my anxiety (St. Dymphna helps me with that) and my overall health (Our Lady of Guadalupe is helping me with this one). There's a reason I have so many patron saints (though I usually count on 2 - 3 for most things). This caused me to think... is it possible to ask too many saints for their intercessions? I mean, each saint is a patron of a particular thing. It makes sense to me (and I might be the only one who thinks this way) to ask them depending on what their patronage is. I have to go talk to Fr. Leo about this because I have absolutely no clue. Do we just get one patron saint and go to them for everything (like I used to do with St. Jude)? Is it okay to ask more than one at the same time? If anyone knows the answer to that, please feel free to enlighten me because I haven't gotten the slightest of clues. lol.

Hmm. It's definitely something I will think about after I pray the Rosary tonight. And, speaking of that, I will go eat and then do that before the day ends. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Updated Blog Layout

I took some things off the layout (like Twitter) and added a slideshow and list of names my patron and favorite saints appear in. I think the slideshow looks kind of neat. :D I realized when I was about to add St. Maria Goretti as a new patron saint (I feel a strong bond with her) that just listing all the saints I love would take up all the right side panel. So, a slideshow was in order. :D That way I don't have to compromise who I do and don't feature. :D I also moved some things around. It was about time. :D

Oh, and if you missed a post which is no longer up -- I will never seriously talk about my relationships on this blog. Who I give my heart to remains a mystery to even my closest friends (only my sister and mother know what's going on at all times). If you see me write something about a "hunky Danish boyfriend" followed by a little side note to a friend, it's an inside joke. The only times I will mention anything in this part of my life will be when I get (seriously) engaged and/or married. Otherwise, anything I may mention is strictly dreams I've had or inside jokes with friends who read the blog.

Alright, well, I'm still feeling a bit sick (I've had a stomach bug for a few days now and it's getting worse every day, boo!) so I'm gonna go rest. Thanks for reading and God Bless.
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The Virgin Mary; Getting Ready for Lent.

On the previous post I wrote about how I'd had a dream where my father had told me to pray to the Virgin Mary. That dream really stuck with me (not the first time I have dream about her, either). Well, today, after I went to confessions I stopped by the table where they have the bulletins and other things. I normally wouldn't do this because the church I went to confessions isn't the one I normally attend mass (I attend mass at a parish a few minutes from my home). For some reason, though, I just gravitated towards the table. Seriously, I don't even remember thinking I wanted to see the bulletins; I just walked over. When I got there, I notice this thing that looked like a booklet with the Virgin Mary's image on it. I thought it was a prayer book (I've seen everything from booklets to prayer cards out for people to take for free) and I was like "Ooh, prayer book. This would be great to take home and read." When I went to open it, I saw that it wasn't a prayer book but the story of St. Catherine Labouré and the Miraculous Medal. Not only that, there was this necklace with a medal inside of it. I looked around at looked at the people, because I thought someone must have left it accidentally, but no one said or did anything. I asked my dad if he thought it was one of the free things the parish sometimes gives away (they've been known to give things like this away) and he said that it must've been because it was amongst the fliers and other things that the parish puts out for people to take home with them. So, I brought it home with me. I'm still worried that it was someone else's and that I've just stolen something unintentionally, but dad says it wouldn't be there if it wasn't meant to be there. And, hey, I checked to see if it belonged to anyone and no one said anything. Also, there was no price on it, so it must've been put out intentionally.

The awesome part about all of that is that when I did penance and was praying the Hail Mary's in front of the tabernacle, I had an image of Mary that looked like the one on the front of the booklet with the medal. I can't even begin to describe this feeling I got when I said my last Hail Mary... it was so peaceful and, as silly as it might sound, I felt like my spirit had been lifted up by her. What I asked God when I prayed, for a sign, seems to have come in the form of me finding the medal. Or, at least that is what I think. I just think it's awesome. I'm going to dedicate a good portion of Lent to praying to Our Mother (that's what I call her) and learning more about different ways she's appeared to saints (like in the form of Our Lady of Guadalupe). I have a feeling that she will be able to help me and to shed light on some things I am worried/thinking about. I'm going to have the medal blessed, hopefully soon, and I'll definitely carry it everywhere with me.

And, with Lent starting in a few days, I've decided to give up one more thing... and for good. I am giving up my superstitions. I know we shouldn't be superstitious but I have a few things I'm careful about so I'm going to get rid of them during Lent. Whoo! And, man, I can't believe Lent is so early this year. I didn't have enough time to prepare myself but I guess I'm more ready this year than I've ever been, which is good. :D

Alright, well, it's nearly 1 in the morning and I have to get up early for mass so... 'til next time, thanks for ready and God bless. :D

Babies, Health, Patron Saints and Prayer.

Not much happened yesterday (don't get me started on Liverpool's horrible game) -- plus I was really sleepy -- so that is why no blog was written. Today, though, blog-central... and I added a widget on the side panel that lets whoever reads my blog see what I'm currently listening to. It updates every couple of minutes, too. :D I'm a little too into music so I thought it would be appropriate to add that little application to my blog. And if you ever see an artist or group that makes you think "Wow, does she really listen to THAT?" just remember that we all have our guilty pleasures... only I am not too ashamed of mine. lol.

Apparently I'm the last person to find out that Kakà's gonna be a daddy. Awwww. Congrats to him and his wife. I have a lot of respect for him as both a person and a player -- which is why I'm happy when he scores, even when it's against my teams -- so I'm very happy for him. Footballers have been getting a lot of visits from señor stork because Lukas Podolski (Bayern Munich), Harry Kewell (Liverpool), Xabi Alonso (Liverpool) and countless other footballers are expecting with their girlfriends/wives. And while on the topic of footballer babies, darn it, Dirk Kuyt (Liverpool), I want to see what little Roan looks like! lol. Bring on the babies! I love babies! Last time we went to Disneyland, I would play with the little kids while we waited in line... and I wouldn't even notice it until a friend of mine pointed it out. lol. Don't ask me why I seem to attract the little cuties but I adore them so I don't mind. All of this doesn't mean I want any kids in the near future (no!!) but maybe someday when I'm done with school, have a steady job and am married, we'll see. :D

I just got home from a general physical check up with a new doctor (I changed doctors) and she says I'm perfectly healthy. My heart is healthy (they did 2 EKGs in a few months and an echocardiogram after Thanksgiving). I don't have anemia, diabetes or cholesterol. My blood count is good. My liver is good. I'm at a healthy weight for my height (at 124 lbs for a 5'7" female). Etc. Basically, on paper, I'm as healthy as you can get. The pains I sometimes experience, as well as the fatigue and dizziness, are all signs that the stress really got to me this past year ('07). So, there you go. Next time I get the pains, it's just my body going "I'm still stressed... go exercise or distract yourself!" I was given a nutritionist because I might not be getting enough calories per day because food allergies I have limit what I can eat. I'm getting blood drawn just to double check everything but it looks like I'm on the road to getting healthy. *knocks on wood* So... now that I don't have to worry about that... *happy dance* I already did my "infamous" goofy ballet dance. lol. Once I start acting like a dork, you know I'm getting better. :D

I've been trying to write an entry to explain why my patron saints are my patron saints. I decided to it today so I'll quit putting it off. :D Let's start off with St. Jude Thaddeus. My mom's been a St. Jude devotee since I was little so that is why I grew up asking him to pray for me. He has never, ever let me down. I feel so bad asking saints to pray for me but I can't help it when I'm feeling absolutely helpless. It makes sense that St. Jude is my chosen patron saint because he is the patron saint of difficult and hopeless cases and I only seem to ask saints for prayers when I'm in those situations. That is also why I carry his medal with me wherever I go. I'm lucky enough to attend a parish that has a huge St. Jude statue so I can go leave him candles or flowers when he helps me during my difficult situations. Actually, the picture on the right side under "Patron Saints" is of the statue at my church that I took a few weeks ago. :)

Now, Our Lady of Guadalupe has been a part of my life since I was born. I was born in the city and country (Los Angeles; United States) she is patron of. I was baptised at a church that's named after her. I have Mexican heritage and she is the patron of Mexicans and Americans. A few weeks ago, I had a dream that I was talking to a priest about the books I'm writing and she appeared smiling to me for a brief moment. That was just a dream, too. I have a lot more personal experiences, that were not dreams, which involve her but I'm going to keep those to myself. Let's just say that she's always looked out for me. She's my dad's main patron saint as well. I always feel very calm when I go into his room and see her statue. :)

St. Dymphna came to me at a time when I really needed her. I've been a nervous person since after high school (and you can thank/blam certain classmates and a history teacher for that) but I've always been able to get over it pretty quickly. Example: I was terrified of going on those crazy rides at Six Flags Magic Mountain but I went on them anyway to get over my fears. At the end of the rides I was yelling "That was wicked! Let's go again!!" I've been nervous performing (as well as giving speeches) in front of people but once I step on stage, I'm okay. This past year, though, I was feeling so sick and I didn't know what was going on so I felt like I was going to go koo-koo bananas. I found out who the patron saint of anxiety was and that's how I discovered St. Dymphna. At the sort of peak of my anxiety (right when my dad's health insurance was once again threatening to cut off his chemo and I had to get on the phone and battle it out with them) I asked her to pray that I didn't get massive panic attacks and that I didn't feel like I couldn't breathe. As soon as I prayed to her, I felt so calm and relieved (this was at around 3 - 4 in the morning when it happened to) that I immediately fell asleep and I haven't felt overly anxious since.

That is why St. Jude, Our Lady of Guadalupe and St. Dymphna are my patron saints. Whoever says prayers, especially those to saints, don't work... pffft. I'm living proof that they do and very well. Every time I pray, even if it's just the Rosary, I feel so serene and lovely. The lesson here: Pray! Even if it's directly to God, just pray. It makes a world of difference, whether it's immediate or whether it takes a little time. And, with that, I am done with my blog.

I think I'll go listen to Ella Fitzgerald's version of "Sunny" and feel like a 1970s flower child with bellbottoms and hippie hair. lol.

Thanks for reading and God Bless. :D