Have you noticed anything new on the blog layout? No? In your left side bar, under the Personality Profile, is a counter that shows just how long I have until graduation. Currently it's 1 year, 6 months, 1 week, and 6 days. *sigh* Seems like such a long time but then I think about how fast these past 2 (nearly 3) months have gone and that makes me feel better. Being at a CINO (Catholic in Name Only) college is hard and getting harder.
I'm beginning to see certain assignments marked down. The tension between professors and certain students (myself included) is beginning to increase. My anxiety's also beginning to get a lot worse. My anxiety had been under control and had gone months without an actual attack and now I have them every other day. Yesterday I was told by several people that I should just leave the school; to finish out the semester and transfer elsewhere. My poor mother, who's seen me at my worse, has been noticing the same pattern which I display before the anxiety gets really, really bad. Yesterday I nearly fainted while standing and had the worse panic attack I've had in a really long time. I don't know if my being at that school is bringing this on but it certainly looks that way.
On Friday I was talking to another faithful Catholic and she was talking about leaving the school as soon as the semester was over... and she's not the only one. Many of us who do not agree with the "teachings" that happen at that school are considering transferring elsewhere, even if it means losing this semester. I had the good fortune of meeting a former student and she said she left after a year because she went through the same that I went through with the professors... and she had the same professors, years ago, that I have now. You can just imagine how bad things are. I don't 100% regret going there only because it's taught me a valuable lesson, but I wish I would've really looked at the school before even applying. I knew things were bad but I didn't know the extent of it until I actually got there. I think I can withstand the abuse (and I feel like it is a form of abuse) for another semester or even until I graduate but I am not 100% sure. As I said, my anxiety is getting worse (so much worse) so I am really thinking about what to do.
My advice to those who have children, siblings, or friends thinking about going to a Catholic college/university is: do your research!! Avoid the CINOs (Catholic in Name Only) colleges. I can tell you that in Southern California the only two that are geniunely Catholic are Thomas Aquinas College in Santa Paula and (according to The Newman Guide) John Paul the Great University in San Diego. If Thomas Aquinas College accepted transfer students I would've gone there years ago. I still think about it -- about going there -- but having to start over as a freshman and have a lot of loans prevents me from attempting to go there. A recent list of Catholic colleges and universities came out in the publication First Things (you need a subscription to view the article) which listed the Most and Least Catholic. I'm surprised my current college didn't rank in the bottom 12. The list seemed to echo what The Newman Guide recommends as far as which schools are recommended, plus a couple others the Guide doesn't have. I'm actually using both to help zero in on which Graduate schools to apply to. Even though I'm only a junior, I'm already seriously thinking about where I want to go for Grad school.
There is one more thing I have to consider; one thing that will be decided in less than 24 hours from now (2:34 p.m. PST). I recently took my Foreign Language placement exams and, well, I very did well. I did so well that the head of the department asked me to consider pulling a double major in Religious Studies AND Spanish with an emphasis on Translation/Interpretation. This only happened today, and it was sort of a fluke that I even sat down with her in her office to briefly talk about it. I was really discouraged about school yesterday but the chat I had with the head of the Modern Languages department kind of sparked a little something in me. A friend suggested I drop Religious Studies and focus solely on Spanish but I don't think I can. At most schools (and I think at mine as well) you can't change your major once you transfer into one. I want to major in Religious Studies but if I could do it elsewhere, I'd be uber happy. If I'm going to stay at this soul sucking school I'm seriously considering adding Spanish so I have something else to focus on. So, that's where I'm at now. I have a big decision to make and I don't know what to do. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
By the way, if anyone knows of a college/university that allows transfers with a cap of about 70-80 units, let me know. I will have 82 at the end of this semester but I'd consider losing a semester's worth of units to go elsewhere. I'm kind of desperate at the moment. lol.
Alright, I have to go write a 7-page essay on the New Testament... which I don't expect to receive full credit on because (like the other assignments) I fail to write what she wants us to write... because I don't agree with what she's teaching or her beliefs. That's right, I am purposely refusing to write what she wants us to because I can't, consciously, agree with it. And the professor is supposed to be open minded. Go figure.
I hope everyone had a great weekend and will have a great week.
As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!
*EDIT on 12/7/2010: I have since posted two separate posts on the subject last month and this month, including a detailed post last week. Thank you for the comment and advice but I already made my decision weeks ago. :)*