Yes, that's the chapel veil (or mantilla) that my father brought from Mexico. I will have to look for the one my beloved, late grandmother sent me when I was still in my teens so I can post a picture of it as well. I LOVE it. I'm going to have to get used to wearing them... which is proving somewhat difficult with my usually straight hair. Maybe I'll have to stop blow drying it so it stays naturally wavy, then maybe it won't keep sliding off. lol. Mom suggested I use bobby pins, like she did when she was younger and wore them to Mass (granddad was very Catholic), but I still haven't figured out how to do it. Suggestions are welcomed! :D Either way, I AM going to wear them... even if no one else around my age does. (The only women at my parish, and during the morning English Mass, that I've seen wear them are over 40.)
During Mass last Sunday I had two thoughts come to mind. First: Yes! Other women dress appropriately to Mass and/or wear mantillas. Second: Wow, so many women comes dressed like they were going out to a club... or hanging out at the mall with their friends. As my friend Monique from Catholic Chicks (who beat me with a post similar to this, lol) pointed out, we can't judge someone by what they wear to Mass because we don't know if the reason they're not more dressed up is because they can't afford to be. Trust me, I've told my father many times that it doesn't matter what he looks like as long as he attends Mass (though he does this because doesn't want to get dressed up and/or is finding excuses to not attend Mass). I completely understand that some people just can't for one reason or another, but that they wish they could. For those who can afford to look nice, and do dress up outside of Mass, I have to wonder why they don't make the effort to look nice when being in the house of God.
I've found some really surprising, and sad, excuses young women make for not dressing up for Mass. This is from my own research and questioning, I'm not saying these are the reasons for everyone. There are two reasons that make me cringe the most. First: "Why should I bother dressing up if there is no one to impress; there are no cute boys that attend Mass." Uh, seriously? I didn't know Mass was for trying to land yourself a boyfriend/husband. Oh wait... it's NOT! This brings me to the second reason: "It's just Mass. I showed up, isn't that enough? What's the big deal anyway?" *palmface* Oy.
Maybe the way I feel about this whole thing is because I was raised to always try to look nice when going to church, showing my respect for God. My dad (yes, you read that right) made sure I was always in a little dress, or at the very least a skirt, and dress shoes. If you've ever seen how Ali Landry dresses her daughter Estela, that's just how my parents had me dressed up until my tomboy side took over when dress pants became my thing. (I'm happy to report that I have since returned to wearing skirts to Mass, when it's not freezing cold.) Wearing these tube tops that young women have to constantly be pulling up so that they don't flash other parishioners... I mean, come on! Are you serious? If you can wear it to a club to draw attention to yourself, than it's more than likely not appropriate for Mass. That goes for mini-skirts, see-through blouses/shirts, extremely tight clothes, etc. Oh, and talking about things like bras during Mass, when you should be listening to the Homily, is also not appropriate. (Yes, last Sunday a young girl was talking about see-through shirts and bras during the Homily. She proceeded to also say that the Eucharist "tastes like nothing, like cardboard", among other things).
And while I'm on the topic of modest clothing and what modesty means, I'd like you to check out Modestia, A Maiden's Wreath, Maidens of Modesty (this one is not Catholic, but is Christian and run by one of my best friends). btw, A Maiden's Wreath had a book review on the fashion and modesty book "It's So You!" that I highly recommend.
For the record, and because I get asked this quite often, my definition of modesty varies from other people's. Some women say it's immodest to wear jeans and sleeveless shirt, and I don't. My motto is: If you can't wear something in front of a priest, or if you can't imagine yourself wearing in front of the Virgin Mary or Jesus Christ, then it shouldn't be worn. I don't think wearing jeans and sleeveless shirts (as long as they don't reveal too much skin) is inappropriate for every day life. As a self proclaimed girly tomboy, I fall somewhere between the Gap and Ann Taylor Loft. I love dressing up in dresses and skirts, and have a soft spot for vintage clothing from the 40s, but I'm also a big fan of jeans and tees when I'm just hanging out with my friends. I don't always wear heels (at 5'7" I'm good with flats) but I always try to look nice no matter what I wear. As for wearing spaghetti strap shirts, I do wear them but always paired with cardigan like this. I never wear anything too low cut, tight, or revealing. The last thing I want is to get attention from pervs. It's all about mixing and matching and doing it in a manner that's modest and cute. Definitely look at Modestia for more on that because Rebecca always finds some really good stuff and will always share with us girls.
Alright, I've rambled on as usual. lol. Sorry. All I can do is blame the writer in me. I have weeks worth of material that I want to write, and hope to eventually publish/post, but I can't say when just yet because school still has be busy as usual. That's what happens when you load yourself up with two Philosophy classes, a Speech argumentation course, and an English class. I do an exorbitant amount of reading per week. Anyway, before this gets any longer... I hope everyone has a great weekend! Thanks for reading, and for your emails. God Bless! :D
Showing posts with label Virgin Mary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Virgin Mary. Show all posts
Friday, April 17, 2009
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Born to Be Catholic?
Last night, mom and I were watching a show about angels which lead to an interesting conversation. Mom said that I seemed to have been born to be a devoted, and very religious, Catholic. She said that when I was a baby and used to smile and laugh in my sleep, she used to say to my dad "Look, she's talking to her little (guardian) angel." Apparently, I would be sound asleep and all of a sudden I would burst into laughter... and I would stay asleep. So, whenever that would happen my mom would say I was talking to an angel. So, when I was baptized at 3 months old, I soaked the poor priest with the water... while giggling my little baby tush off. lol. I seemed to enjoy being at church... and soaking the priest more. lol. Yeah, I was a mischievous baby, but so was my brother Moises when he was a baby. We did the exact same thing -- getting a priest wet while getting baptized -- at the same church, 14 years apart. Now, I should mention that my brother died when he was a baby over a decade before I was born. When I got to be around 4 years old, I used to go up to the windowsill, look up at the sky, crying, and say "Moises, YOUR mom is being mean to me." Whenever I got lectured I would look up at the sky and complain to my brother. Why? Because he's in heaven, duh. lol. I knew Moises had died completely innocent thus sending his soul straight to heaven. I was also very interested in what was inside the San Fernando Mission (which I got to finally visit twice - picture special one, two - when I was older) and about saints as a child. I remember being VERY interested in St. Francis of Assisi when I was about 7 years old without anyone, except the priest in Mass, mentioning him to me. When people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I'd immediately say that I wanted to be a nun. A Carmelite, to be exact. I was only 5-7 years old yet that was my dream "job." Oh, and I also had a Virgin Mary nightlight growing up because I used to be afraid of the dark.
Those are just example of things I would do when I was younger. According to my mom, I have always been very Catholic (except for those lost years in my teens) since my birth. I've always felt close to the Church. I even got confirmed early when I was taken to Mexico so I didn't have to wait until I was in my mid-late teens (though I wish they would've let me do it in my teens; that's another story). And, since I've returned to my "roots", I've tried to get my parents back to Mass and eventually completely back to the Church. I even get upset with my father when he refuses to take me to confession or Mass (I can't drive at the moment because of my anxiety). I will tear up (unintentionally, I REALLY love going to Mass and get very sad when I can't go) until he agrees. Actually, he's gotten better about that. He knows what time I usually like to go to Mass so he doesn't complain anymore. When I told my parents I would be majoring in Religious Studies, or that I wanted to attend a Catholic college/university, they weren't surprised. When I said I wanted to go talk to a priest, just to talk about certain things, they were a little puzzled but sort of understood.
So, all of this got me wondering... are any of us born to be Catholic? Do any of you think that some of us (who are cradle Catholics) were just born with a love the Church without getting encouraged to do so? I'm still thinking about this so I honestly don't have an answer. If any of you have any comments, please don't hesitate to leave 'em. I'm very curious to hear what others think. And, yes, you can e-mail me in case you don't want your comments going up on the blog. :D I look forward to hearing feedback. :D
Alright, well, I still have some things to do (including watching 2 saint movies, whoo!) so I should go. Hope everyone had a great weekend!
Thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Those are just example of things I would do when I was younger. According to my mom, I have always been very Catholic (except for those lost years in my teens) since my birth. I've always felt close to the Church. I even got confirmed early when I was taken to Mexico so I didn't have to wait until I was in my mid-late teens (though I wish they would've let me do it in my teens; that's another story). And, since I've returned to my "roots", I've tried to get my parents back to Mass and eventually completely back to the Church. I even get upset with my father when he refuses to take me to confession or Mass (I can't drive at the moment because of my anxiety). I will tear up (unintentionally, I REALLY love going to Mass and get very sad when I can't go) until he agrees. Actually, he's gotten better about that. He knows what time I usually like to go to Mass so he doesn't complain anymore. When I told my parents I would be majoring in Religious Studies, or that I wanted to attend a Catholic college/university, they weren't surprised. When I said I wanted to go talk to a priest, just to talk about certain things, they were a little puzzled but sort of understood.
So, all of this got me wondering... are any of us born to be Catholic? Do any of you think that some of us (who are cradle Catholics) were just born with a love the Church without getting encouraged to do so? I'm still thinking about this so I honestly don't have an answer. If any of you have any comments, please don't hesitate to leave 'em. I'm very curious to hear what others think. And, yes, you can e-mail me in case you don't want your comments going up on the blog. :D I look forward to hearing feedback. :D
Alright, well, I still have some things to do (including watching 2 saint movies, whoo!) so I should go. Hope everyone had a great weekend!
Thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Friday, August 22, 2008
100th Post; Queenship of the Blessed Virgin Mary; White Hispanic: Que?!
Happy Queenship of the Blessed Virgin Mary day! Yes, I've made it into my own sort of holiday! :D I think it's entirely appropriate (and I LOVE the coincidence) that my 100th blog post landed on one of her feast days because of the devotion I have to her and the Rosary. Also, something not a lot of people know about, my journal is basically letters written to the Blessed Virgin Mary. I write to her as if she were going to physically receive the letters. It's my way of keeping her in my life on a daily basis (or semi-daily; depends on my schedule). It's been suggested that I turn the journal into a book because of the content but it's way too personal for me to do that. Maybe in the future, when I've lived my life, but not now. So now my friends know what I'm writing (I write the letters by hand; my novels and screenplays on computers).
Anyway, I get VERY happy on the Blessed Virgin's feast days because of my love for her. In my opinion, she is ultimate role model we women can have. No, I take that back; not only for women but for all. She was selfless, caring, giving... and she still is. I've never heard of her denying anyone help whenever they've prayed for her intercession. Whether the prayers are to her as Our Lady of Guadalupe, Our Lady of Lourdes, Our Lady of Fatima, etc, she will never let us down because we are her children. Her love and compassion for us is boundless. I've felt a strong connection to her basically since I was born. I was baptized at the Church of Our Lady Queen of the Angels (here in L.A.) which is dedicated to her. When the big 1994 Northridge earthquake happened, the big framed picture of her (as Our Lady of Guadalupe) that hung in my room was the only thing (along with a picture of me in my first communion dress) that didn't fall off the wall. More about that here. There are more examples but you get the gist. I think it's because of the connection I feel with her that I started praying the Rosary. And, I have to admit, she's a HUGE reason why I stopped being an inactive Catholic (ie- not attending Mass) 2 years ago. St. Jude also gets credit here but our Blessed Mother was really the "force" that really got me back to where I am today. For that, I am truly grateful. I hope everyone takes at least a minute out of their time, today, to give thanks to her for all she's done for us. Even if you've never asked for her intercession, remember that she was the one who gave birth to, and cared for, our Lord Jesus Christ. :D What better day to say at least one "Hail Mary" or at least one Rosary decade in her honor than on the day we celebrate her being named Queen of Heaven and Earth, of angels and saints? Go on, take a break from reading this blog and say a "Hail Mary"... I'll wait. :D Done? Good!
Deviating from the loveliness that is Our Blessed Mother, I want to ask something to the readers of this blog. Are any of you, who were born here (in the United States) and are of Hispanic and Latin heritage, bothered by the term "White Hispanic"? I don't know why but that term kind of makes me cringe. I usually say I'm American but of Hispanic heritage. I don't know; maybe I'm too sensitive to the phrasing but, honestly, I don't see the point of adding "White" in front of the Hispanic part. And don't get me started on how sometimes people don't think I'm Hispanic until I speak Spanish. Many jaws have been dropped when I've done that. lol. Physical traits and skin color is not going to help you figure out where a person's from. And if y'all think I'm making it up, wikipedia has a page just on this topic. Yes, take what's written on wikipedia with a grain of salt because people can edit the pages but it sounds legit. Anyway, if you have any comments on that, don't hesitate to leave me a comment or e-mailing me at my gmail address (it's part of my profile). I'm curious to hear what others have to say on the matter.
Anyway, I'm off to finish doing my e-mail and facebook rounds (make sure I've answered all messages) before praying the Rosary. Whoo! :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!
.
Anyway, I get VERY happy on the Blessed Virgin's feast days because of my love for her. In my opinion, she is ultimate role model we women can have. No, I take that back; not only for women but for all. She was selfless, caring, giving... and she still is. I've never heard of her denying anyone help whenever they've prayed for her intercession. Whether the prayers are to her as Our Lady of Guadalupe, Our Lady of Lourdes, Our Lady of Fatima, etc, she will never let us down because we are her children. Her love and compassion for us is boundless. I've felt a strong connection to her basically since I was born. I was baptized at the Church of Our Lady Queen of the Angels (here in L.A.) which is dedicated to her. When the big 1994 Northridge earthquake happened, the big framed picture of her (as Our Lady of Guadalupe) that hung in my room was the only thing (along with a picture of me in my first communion dress) that didn't fall off the wall. More about that here. There are more examples but you get the gist. I think it's because of the connection I feel with her that I started praying the Rosary. And, I have to admit, she's a HUGE reason why I stopped being an inactive Catholic (ie- not attending Mass) 2 years ago. St. Jude also gets credit here but our Blessed Mother was really the "force" that really got me back to where I am today. For that, I am truly grateful. I hope everyone takes at least a minute out of their time, today, to give thanks to her for all she's done for us. Even if you've never asked for her intercession, remember that she was the one who gave birth to, and cared for, our Lord Jesus Christ. :D What better day to say at least one "Hail Mary" or at least one Rosary decade in her honor than on the day we celebrate her being named Queen of Heaven and Earth, of angels and saints? Go on, take a break from reading this blog and say a "Hail Mary"... I'll wait. :D Done? Good!
Deviating from the loveliness that is Our Blessed Mother, I want to ask something to the readers of this blog. Are any of you, who were born here (in the United States) and are of Hispanic and Latin heritage, bothered by the term "White Hispanic"? I don't know why but that term kind of makes me cringe. I usually say I'm American but of Hispanic heritage. I don't know; maybe I'm too sensitive to the phrasing but, honestly, I don't see the point of adding "White" in front of the Hispanic part. And don't get me started on how sometimes people don't think I'm Hispanic until I speak Spanish. Many jaws have been dropped when I've done that. lol. Physical traits and skin color is not going to help you figure out where a person's from. And if y'all think I'm making it up, wikipedia has a page just on this topic. Yes, take what's written on wikipedia with a grain of salt because people can edit the pages but it sounds legit. Anyway, if you have any comments on that, don't hesitate to leave me a comment or e-mailing me at my gmail address (it's part of my profile). I'm curious to hear what others have to say on the matter.
Anyway, I'm off to finish doing my e-mail and facebook rounds (make sure I've answered all messages) before praying the Rosary. Whoo! :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!
.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Oh, Doctor!; Priest's Satan Dream; Music = Love, Friendship.
Why must the doctors exaggerate things? Seriously, it's like their goal to freak people out -- especially when they don't explain things. I had my follow appointment (which I made 3 months ago when I was sick) yesterday with a new doctor and she right off the bat said that I needed to wear a heart monitor. Doctor says WHAT?! She said my results came back abnormal (the same results VARIOUS doctors have told me were normal) and that they needed to put a 24-hour heart monitor on me in mid-September. That was it. She didn't say what she thought was abnormal, etc etc. Now, the me from 4 months ago would've totally wigged out and my anxiety would've soared sky high. The me now is like "Pfft, whatever. I'll do it to make you guys happy." lol. I feel fine. Yes, I do get palpitations occasionally but I've had those for a while now and I was told that many women have that so not to worry. Also, the palpitations are often caused by anxiety. One of my good friends (who is like a sister to me) had the same thing done to her (only for a longer period of time) and she turned out fine. She said the same thing I've been told, about how a lot of women have that condition. So, I'm totally not gonna stress... and have been surprisingly zen about the whole thing. I think I've reached a point where I have put myself in the Lord's hands so many times that I am no longer worried about what could happen. Take that, anxiety! I am beating you like a drummer beats a drum. lol. :D
Something that was interesting (today), Fr. Roderick spoke about a dream he had about Satan on his podcast, the Daily Breakfast. It was really interesting because I haven't heard a priest I've (sort of) known who's had dreams like that... or that have shared them. You know me, when it comes to dreams about saints, Our Lord, the Blessed Virgin, I am interested. If you want to listen to the podcast please click this link (Satan's Party) so you can hear all the details for Fr. Roderick himself. I wonder if many priests have dreams like this at least once in their lifetime. I know I've only had a few where I've fought against him (yeah, I don't think I've ever blogged about those... I don't remember) but still, those are some creepy things to dream. And if any of you want to share any of your dreams with me, you can either reply to one of the dream blogs or email me at catholicnerdwriter [at] gmail [dot] com. Yes, I got an e-mail address specifically for this blog. :D Moving on...
As I've often said in previous music blogs, I LOVE music. It might even be my first love, after French fries. lol. I can go into this whole rant about how the music industry glorifies drug use, adultery, murder, people going to rehab, etc but I won't. I've already written about Contemporary Christian music so I thought I'd focus on music on a personal level. What I love about music (besides, obviously, THE music) is that it brings people together, sometimes people you wouldn't have met otherwise. I've had many beautiful friendships formed by meeting people with similar music tastes. In fact, one of best friends and I met because we both loved the same band (and, ironically, disliked the same band later on) years ago. It's amazing when I can have a certain album just bring out the best out of me... especially when that album is made by one of my best friends.
I've known this young woman for years. We met when we were teenagers when we were both starting out in our careers (although mine was different back then). She's been through some of the most difficult times with me (through both of my father's cancer battles, dealing with the most evil guy I've ever known, my own illnesses, etc.); basically this girl has been my rock through it all. About 2 years ago, she released her debut album in the U.K. (and last year in Japan) and, I have to say, I love the album and not just because she's one of my best friends. It's upbeat and positive, and it's one of those albums that you can play from start to finish. It's one of those albums that make you smile. Ever have an album that reminds you of an amazing time in your life every time you hear it? That's her album for me. She can be on tour and we'll lose contact for a few weeks, or even months, but if I'm going through something really tough I can always put the CD in and it's like she's there with me without being physically there. It's fantastic what music can, isn't it? I asked her in advance if it was okay to mention her and her album on this blog and she gave me the okay. :D Her name is Misha Williams and you can visit her site by clicking on her name/link. Don't bother asking her who writes this blog, she won't tell. :D lol.
Alright, well, it's still early in the day and I have a million and one things to do so I will stop. And, I think I wrote too much today. lol. Sorry, I'm a writer; it's a habit. :D Hope everyone's doing well. Thanks for reading and God Bless.
Something that was interesting (today), Fr. Roderick spoke about a dream he had about Satan on his podcast, the Daily Breakfast. It was really interesting because I haven't heard a priest I've (sort of) known who's had dreams like that... or that have shared them. You know me, when it comes to dreams about saints, Our Lord, the Blessed Virgin, I am interested. If you want to listen to the podcast please click this link (Satan's Party) so you can hear all the details for Fr. Roderick himself. I wonder if many priests have dreams like this at least once in their lifetime. I know I've only had a few where I've fought against him (yeah, I don't think I've ever blogged about those... I don't remember) but still, those are some creepy things to dream. And if any of you want to share any of your dreams with me, you can either reply to one of the dream blogs or email me at catholicnerdwriter [at] gmail [dot] com. Yes, I got an e-mail address specifically for this blog. :D Moving on...
As I've often said in previous music blogs, I LOVE music. It might even be my first love, after French fries. lol. I can go into this whole rant about how the music industry glorifies drug use, adultery, murder, people going to rehab, etc but I won't. I've already written about Contemporary Christian music so I thought I'd focus on music on a personal level. What I love about music (besides, obviously, THE music) is that it brings people together, sometimes people you wouldn't have met otherwise. I've had many beautiful friendships formed by meeting people with similar music tastes. In fact, one of best friends and I met because we both loved the same band (and, ironically, disliked the same band later on) years ago. It's amazing when I can have a certain album just bring out the best out of me... especially when that album is made by one of my best friends.
I've known this young woman for years. We met when we were teenagers when we were both starting out in our careers (although mine was different back then). She's been through some of the most difficult times with me (through both of my father's cancer battles, dealing with the most evil guy I've ever known, my own illnesses, etc.); basically this girl has been my rock through it all. About 2 years ago, she released her debut album in the U.K. (and last year in Japan) and, I have to say, I love the album and not just because she's one of my best friends. It's upbeat and positive, and it's one of those albums that you can play from start to finish. It's one of those albums that make you smile. Ever have an album that reminds you of an amazing time in your life every time you hear it? That's her album for me. She can be on tour and we'll lose contact for a few weeks, or even months, but if I'm going through something really tough I can always put the CD in and it's like she's there with me without being physically there. It's fantastic what music can, isn't it? I asked her in advance if it was okay to mention her and her album on this blog and she gave me the okay. :D Her name is Misha Williams and you can visit her site by clicking on her name/link. Don't bother asking her who writes this blog, she won't tell. :D lol.
Alright, well, it's still early in the day and I have a million and one things to do so I will stop. And, I think I wrote too much today. lol. Sorry, I'm a writer; it's a habit. :D Hope everyone's doing well. Thanks for reading and God Bless.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Music, Soccer, and St. Maria Goretti.
I have missed playing my guitar! It's been months since I last picked it up and I truly miss it. A few days ago, a melody I'd never heard just randomly popped into my head. I repeated it a couple of times but chalked it up to a fluke because I haven't written a song in years -- since I was 18-19 to be exact. I've forgotten the melodies but have the lyrics in my mind. Typical writer, eh? lol. This morning, my favorite cousin (who I call my brother because he's more like a brother than my actual brothers) came over to visit -- which is always awesome because he's the best bro a girl could have. Anyway, I asked him how the kids were and he said that my niece had taken up piano, my eldest nephew was following in my footsteps by taking the guitar, and that the youngest wants to be a drummer. Not only that, bro said that my first guitar (which he's own since January 2007; I upgraded my acoustic) will be passed down to my nephew as soon as he can play it (it's too big for him at the moment). I felt very happy and proud to hear that. I come from a musical family. I'm the only musician (and I use that term loosely when describing myself) out of my siblings, though I have cousins who are actual musicians (and they actually have careers in the Latin market). It's great that the younger generation has started getting into the tradition at such a young age. If I do decide to start creating music again, it will be nothing like I have done before. I'm no longer in a Fiona Apple phase like I was at 18 (think of her album "When the Pawn..." and, in particular, the song "Love Ridden" to get the idea). Oh... I just remembered that I will have to build up my calluses again... ick. Oh well. As long as I get to make music again, I won't care. :D
One thing I don't have to ponder about... my love of soccer. Today was a BIG day for me in terms of soccer because my two favorite national teams, England and the United States, played a friendly against each other. As you can imagine, I did not root for one side to win -- I was cheering them both on! I was happy England won but I'm sad the U.S. lost. I'm stoked that Gerrard got a goal (he's quite possibly my favorite footballer/soccer player of all), especially since it's just 2 days before his birthday, but I'm bummed that Donovan didn't get his 100th cap because of an injury. What a weird situation but I enjoyed every minute of it. lol. Of course. I'm looking forward to next week's friendly -- U.S. vs Spain. Oh man, how I wish I could go to Spain for that game! I would've loved to have gone to London for today's game (and was actually planning on it before the darn recession dried up my savings account) as well. Well, good luck to the U.S. next game. I'm going to HOPEFULLY see the U.S. against Barbados in person in a few days. Plans are tentative. I have to see if I can blackmail a certain male friend of mine into going with me because I don't want to go by myself. lol. I'm kidding about the blackmailing but I will definitely have to work on him because I doubt he'll want to go. Well, too bad. lol. ;)
Yesterday I wrote about how I'd felt a strong connection to St. Maria Goretti. It's very true. It's been slowly building up for a few months but recently it's really hit me. It's not quite as strong as the connection I feel with the Blessed Virgin Mary or even with St. Teresa of Avila (I'm still amazed at the things I have in common with her), but it's there. I've watched a program on EWTN en Español about her life and it got me thinking about a lot of things. I recently read something about how feminists have an issue with St. Maria Goretti, as well as other martyrs of purity, because they represent sexism in the Catholic Church... as well as the importance of sexual abstinence over lust and premarital sex. I'm sorry, since when it being purity something bad? I didn't know we all had to be as oversexed as modern society seems to be. Oh wait... we DON'T have to! In fact, it's written in black and white that abstinence until marriage is the way to go as said by the Lord. Hmm... listening to God's word or listening to a society that's immoral... Gee, tough call! (and yes, I did just use sarcasm. lol). I am going to prepare myself for a fight because I KNOW this will come up at some point in my college career. I've already taken a Women's Studies course but I might take another and I want to be prepared to defend her as well as others who value purity over peer pressure. Bring it on, professors! And I know if my former Women's Studies professor were to read this, we would get into an argument. After all, she did call me a prude and make several jabs at me for being pure when I took her class.
Alright, well, I think that's enough torture of your eyes for tonight. lol. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.
.
One thing I don't have to ponder about... my love of soccer. Today was a BIG day for me in terms of soccer because my two favorite national teams, England and the United States, played a friendly against each other. As you can imagine, I did not root for one side to win -- I was cheering them both on! I was happy England won but I'm sad the U.S. lost. I'm stoked that Gerrard got a goal (he's quite possibly my favorite footballer/soccer player of all), especially since it's just 2 days before his birthday, but I'm bummed that Donovan didn't get his 100th cap because of an injury. What a weird situation but I enjoyed every minute of it. lol. Of course. I'm looking forward to next week's friendly -- U.S. vs Spain. Oh man, how I wish I could go to Spain for that game! I would've loved to have gone to London for today's game (and was actually planning on it before the darn recession dried up my savings account) as well. Well, good luck to the U.S. next game. I'm going to HOPEFULLY see the U.S. against Barbados in person in a few days. Plans are tentative. I have to see if I can blackmail a certain male friend of mine into going with me because I don't want to go by myself. lol. I'm kidding about the blackmailing but I will definitely have to work on him because I doubt he'll want to go. Well, too bad. lol. ;)
Yesterday I wrote about how I'd felt a strong connection to St. Maria Goretti. It's very true. It's been slowly building up for a few months but recently it's really hit me. It's not quite as strong as the connection I feel with the Blessed Virgin Mary or even with St. Teresa of Avila (I'm still amazed at the things I have in common with her), but it's there. I've watched a program on EWTN en Español about her life and it got me thinking about a lot of things. I recently read something about how feminists have an issue with St. Maria Goretti, as well as other martyrs of purity, because they represent sexism in the Catholic Church... as well as the importance of sexual abstinence over lust and premarital sex. I'm sorry, since when it being purity something bad? I didn't know we all had to be as oversexed as modern society seems to be. Oh wait... we DON'T have to! In fact, it's written in black and white that abstinence until marriage is the way to go as said by the Lord. Hmm... listening to God's word or listening to a society that's immoral... Gee, tough call! (and yes, I did just use sarcasm. lol). I am going to prepare myself for a fight because I KNOW this will come up at some point in my college career. I've already taken a Women's Studies course but I might take another and I want to be prepared to defend her as well as others who value purity over peer pressure. Bring it on, professors! And I know if my former Women's Studies professor were to read this, we would get into an argument. After all, she did call me a prude and make several jabs at me for being pure when I took her class.
Alright, well, I think that's enough torture of your eyes for tonight. lol. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.
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Saturday, May 24, 2008
More Dreams, and Farewell Fr. Hoang!
I don't have much time right now -- Pride and Prejudice (the Keira Knightley version I like) is starting in a few minutes and I still have a bit to do before it starts -- so I'll try to keep this brief.
My strange but wonderful dreams continue to happen. I don't know if it was because one of the last things I did yesterday was write my blog and the topic was still fresh in my mind... but I had a dream that sis and I think might be something. There's two parts to the dream (well, dreams). In the first dream, I dreamt that I was on the verge of dying and I saw the Blessed Virgin Mary came and picked me up. She was shorter than I was, dressed all in white and I remember her skin tone was darker than usually portrayed in paintings. She smiled at me and I immediately knew who she was and was so happy to see her. I believe I said something along the lines of how I'd always dreamt of meeting her. Then I told her I wasn't ready to die but she sent my soul to heaven anyway. I think I died in my dream but not entirely, if that makes any sense. Then I woke up.
Second part of the dream, well, it's still VERY fresh in my mind but I am going to have to leave some details out because I don't want to give away the other people's identities. You gotta be smart online, people. :D Anyhoo, I was working on a screenplay for a movie that was about to go into production. I had all these old friends and classmates from junior high and high school helping me as well as, let's call him Boyfriend, and his brothers. At the end of my dream, I was sitting with Boyfriend, who I'd gone to thank for his help. He ended up thanking me for helping out he and his brothers but I didn't know what I helped them with. (By the way, I should mention that all the places and people in my dream do exist in real life). So, Boyfriend either proposed or was about (that part is a bit fuzzy in my mind -- I just remember details I'm going to leave out that involve my ring finger and feeling like we were definitely spending the rest of our lives together) and then asked me why I'd changed so much "from May to October"; that all the time he'd known me, he would've never figured I'd end up at the place I was at (which was a good place). I told him that I realized that I needed to serve God and I didn't miss Mass, confession, or communion because I knew how important it was. He smiled and was very happy to hear that. Right when that happened, his parents and another brother came to go home. Boyfriend asked if they could drop me off at home because I had no way of getting there. They said yes and they asked me how to get there. I was so embarrassed about where I lived that I considered having them drop me off at the nearby park. I didn't though. Then I noticed that the dad, who was driving, was taking a detour. I wondered why until I noticed that it was to avoid traffic on my way home. That was it but the parts that sticks with me are the feeling that Boyfriend and I knew we were going to end up married and being surprised when Boyfriend asked me how and why I'd changed so much in such a short amount of time.
I think the reasons why those two things stink out are because I've been wondering what exactly I'm called to do... if I'm meant to be married or if I'm supposed to become a sister. Not only that, I don't think I realized until I woke up just how much I'd grown up and changed in such a short amount of time. Even in this past month, I've gone under an enormous transformation that I think a lot of people are surprised with. I'm really growing up (yes, I know I'm 23 but still) and I didn't realize just how much. So, yeah... it's interesting how dreams make you think. (Side note: I kind of freaked out for like 5 minutes earlier today when I was having these little twitchy pressure pains on my left side, slightly above my heart, because of the dream that I had died. So silly but true. lol.) And the romantic part of my dream will no doubt have friends abuzz about me potentially getting married soon. (*whispers* No one tell them about how I've already started designing my dress. Shh!! lol.) Moving on...
I am SO SAD 'cause Fr. Hoang is leaving one of the parishes I attend. I've gotten to know him fairly well and he's awesome. He does my confessions most of the time I do them. Aw. :( Well, may God Bless him. The Lord knows what's best for Fr. Hoang. :D
Alright well, P&P started like 14 minutes ago so I should go. lol. I always write more than I intend. :D Sorry for the long blogs. I will try to keep it shorter next time. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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My strange but wonderful dreams continue to happen. I don't know if it was because one of the last things I did yesterday was write my blog and the topic was still fresh in my mind... but I had a dream that sis and I think might be something. There's two parts to the dream (well, dreams). In the first dream, I dreamt that I was on the verge of dying and I saw the Blessed Virgin Mary came and picked me up. She was shorter than I was, dressed all in white and I remember her skin tone was darker than usually portrayed in paintings. She smiled at me and I immediately knew who she was and was so happy to see her. I believe I said something along the lines of how I'd always dreamt of meeting her. Then I told her I wasn't ready to die but she sent my soul to heaven anyway. I think I died in my dream but not entirely, if that makes any sense. Then I woke up.
Second part of the dream, well, it's still VERY fresh in my mind but I am going to have to leave some details out because I don't want to give away the other people's identities. You gotta be smart online, people. :D Anyhoo, I was working on a screenplay for a movie that was about to go into production. I had all these old friends and classmates from junior high and high school helping me as well as, let's call him Boyfriend, and his brothers. At the end of my dream, I was sitting with Boyfriend, who I'd gone to thank for his help. He ended up thanking me for helping out he and his brothers but I didn't know what I helped them with. (By the way, I should mention that all the places and people in my dream do exist in real life). So, Boyfriend either proposed or was about (that part is a bit fuzzy in my mind -- I just remember details I'm going to leave out that involve my ring finger and feeling like we were definitely spending the rest of our lives together) and then asked me why I'd changed so much "from May to October"; that all the time he'd known me, he would've never figured I'd end up at the place I was at (which was a good place). I told him that I realized that I needed to serve God and I didn't miss Mass, confession, or communion because I knew how important it was. He smiled and was very happy to hear that. Right when that happened, his parents and another brother came to go home. Boyfriend asked if they could drop me off at home because I had no way of getting there. They said yes and they asked me how to get there. I was so embarrassed about where I lived that I considered having them drop me off at the nearby park. I didn't though. Then I noticed that the dad, who was driving, was taking a detour. I wondered why until I noticed that it was to avoid traffic on my way home. That was it but the parts that sticks with me are the feeling that Boyfriend and I knew we were going to end up married and being surprised when Boyfriend asked me how and why I'd changed so much in such a short amount of time.
I think the reasons why those two things stink out are because I've been wondering what exactly I'm called to do... if I'm meant to be married or if I'm supposed to become a sister. Not only that, I don't think I realized until I woke up just how much I'd grown up and changed in such a short amount of time. Even in this past month, I've gone under an enormous transformation that I think a lot of people are surprised with. I'm really growing up (yes, I know I'm 23 but still) and I didn't realize just how much. So, yeah... it's interesting how dreams make you think. (Side note: I kind of freaked out for like 5 minutes earlier today when I was having these little twitchy pressure pains on my left side, slightly above my heart, because of the dream that I had died. So silly but true. lol.) And the romantic part of my dream will no doubt have friends abuzz about me potentially getting married soon. (*whispers* No one tell them about how I've already started designing my dress. Shh!! lol.) Moving on...
I am SO SAD 'cause Fr. Hoang is leaving one of the parishes I attend. I've gotten to know him fairly well and he's awesome. He does my confessions most of the time I do them. Aw. :( Well, may God Bless him. The Lord knows what's best for Fr. Hoang. :D
Alright well, P&P started like 14 minutes ago so I should go. lol. I always write more than I intend. :D Sorry for the long blogs. I will try to keep it shorter next time. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Another Unpleasant Dream, Boredom, and Quizzes Galore.
Yup, I had ANOTHER dream where I was fighting against evil. It was weird, the dream was intense (not as intense as yesterday's) but I did my fair share of defending myself against this evil. I think I called on Our Blessed Mother to help me out this time but I don't really remember. I am beginning to understand my dreams and why I have particular ones. It's weird... but in a good way. :D Now, if I could just have a dream about like winning the lottery so I can pay off my EXPENSIVE tuition, that would rock. Even if it's only a dream, I'll take it! lol.
So, not much went on today. It was an overall boring day. Well... except when we couldn't find the Emma DVD I had to return to Netflix. That was FUNNY! We searched everywhere except under this one notebook I have with me... and that's EXACTLY where it was. Haha. Oh man, that was hilarious. But, then again, I'm easily amused. :D Mom decided to take a little break and explore the city. New York City, that is. :D So, we spent the evening getting ourselves lost On the Town with one of my favorite men. Oh, I should say one of OUR favorite men (mom, and I believe sis as well, give him the thumbs up as well.) I believe mom wants to go to Paris next, and then make a detour to Scotland to see if I can find the fabled Brigadoon before ending up back in Hollywood. Anchors Aweigh, my boys. ;) We'll have to figure out when we'll have time to do that. I'm hoping this weekend. I desperately need these little wonder-trips to help me unwind and get back my silliness. :D I know sis will be the only one that understand what I'm talking about. HAHA. Sorry but this is the way it has to be. :D
Alright, well, I am tuckered out -- though it was a boring day, it was a LONG boring day. I will hopefully have a better post tomorrow -- if I even have time to write. BUSY day tomorrow. :D So, before I end this blog, a few quizzes I've taken in my time of boredom.
OH and Liverpool play against Chelsea in like 12 hours (11:30 a.m. PST, 2:30 p.m. EST) so please keep your fingers crossed that Liverpool go onto the Champions League finals. Sad that Barcelona were kicked out by Manchester United *gag* but hey, an all English final will be awesome. :D
As usual, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
.
So, not much went on today. It was an overall boring day. Well... except when we couldn't find the Emma DVD I had to return to Netflix. That was FUNNY! We searched everywhere except under this one notebook I have with me... and that's EXACTLY where it was. Haha. Oh man, that was hilarious. But, then again, I'm easily amused. :D Mom decided to take a little break and explore the city. New York City, that is. :D So, we spent the evening getting ourselves lost On the Town with one of my favorite men. Oh, I should say one of OUR favorite men (mom, and I believe sis as well, give him the thumbs up as well.) I believe mom wants to go to Paris next, and then make a detour to Scotland to see if I can find the fabled Brigadoon before ending up back in Hollywood. Anchors Aweigh, my boys. ;) We'll have to figure out when we'll have time to do that. I'm hoping this weekend. I desperately need these little wonder-trips to help me unwind and get back my silliness. :D I know sis will be the only one that understand what I'm talking about. HAHA. Sorry but this is the way it has to be. :D
Alright, well, I am tuckered out -- though it was a boring day, it was a LONG boring day. I will hopefully have a better post tomorrow -- if I even have time to write. BUSY day tomorrow. :D So, before I end this blog, a few quizzes I've taken in my time of boredom.
You Belong in Dublin |
 Friendly and down to earth, you want to enjoy Europe without snobbery or pretensions. You're the perfect person to go wild on a pub crawl... or enjoy a quiet bike ride through the old part of town. |
You Are Classical Music |
 You are a somewhat serious person who enjoys studying subjects deeply. Art of all kinds interests you, and a good piece of art can really effect you emotionally. You are inspired by human achievement, and you appreciate work that takes years to accomplish. For you, the finer things in life are not about snobbery - they're about quality. |
Your Personality at 35,000 Says... |
 Deep down, you prefer spending time alone to spending time with others. You enjoy thinking more than talking. You are good with your place in the world. You are confident and comfortable with who you are. Your gift is relating to other people. You don't hide from your own emotions, and you are good at drawing other people out. You are inspired by what is possible. Real life is often too ordinary for you. It's very easy for you to feel happy. You can find peace with any situation. |
OH and Liverpool play against Chelsea in like 12 hours (11:30 a.m. PST, 2:30 p.m. EST) so please keep your fingers crossed that Liverpool go onto the Champions League finals. Sad that Barcelona were kicked out by Manchester United *gag* but hey, an all English final will be awesome. :D
As usual, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Monday, April 28, 2008
Scary Dream, Catholic Podcasts, and Let the Planning Begin!
Honestly, not much went on today. I had a finance meeting (oh yeah, I'm getting into taking care of business) which went alright. I'm a bit worried about money issues because my family's been living paycheck-to-paycheck lately and I have to take care of some big expenses. Chaotic but it's good for me to start dealing with these things again because it makes me feel like I did before I got sick. YAY!
One not so good thing -- I had one of the scariest dreams this morning. I woke up saying "Ave Maria Purisima" which roughly means to "Hail Mary, the Purest" in Spanish. It's something one says, in Mexican culture at least, when you get a sense of something evil. My dream was pretty intense, I was actually fighting with the devil (which isn't the first time I've dreamt it) because he was tempting to into doing something completely immoral but my will was too strong for him. Then I felt this strong wind trying to pull me into darkest. As soon as that happened, I started naming saints to help me. I started calling "St. Teresa of Avila... St. Jude Thaddeus... St. Michael Archangel... St. Raphael Archangel..." as soon as I remembered to call on Our Blessed Mother, I woke up... and said Ave Maria Purisima. It's completely scary. Every time I've had dreams that I'm fighting against evil, I've always won... like that time my house was surrounded by darkness and I took a white stone/light in my hands and make the darkness disappear. I believe I wrote an entry about that a few months back. Still, it's scary to dream and I will definitely talk to a priest about this.
Moving onto something nicer... I've been catching up on this awesome Catholic podcast called The Hands and Feet Show. I love that the show is VERY relatable to young people -- especially us in our late teens and 20s. They aren't afraid to tackle any issues, no matter how taboo or controversial, while keeping everything faith related. I definitely recommend it to anyone who doesn't shy away from any topic. You can check them out here (http://sqpn.com/category/talkshows/hands-and-feet/) They're part of SQPN which has a slew of awesome Catholic Podcasts. Definitely recommend all of 'em -- all of Fr. Roderick's podcasts, Rosary Army, the Saint Cast, etc. And, speaking of Fr. Roderick, he's in Rome this week and he's already done a podcast there. It sounds like Rome would be my kind of place... as soon as I get over my anxiety.
We've got it all planned -- as soon as my therapist gives me the thumbs up for traveling to big, crowded cities (that I haven't been to before), I'm visiting them. :D I already have my list of cities (mostly in Europe)... and, to be honest, it's more of me checking them out because I fully intend on living out there in about a year or so. Well, in France or another country in Europe. The idea of living in France popped into my head a few weeks ago. I already understand and speak a tiny bit of French so I need to really learn the basics but otherwise, I'm intrigued. I also heard that someone that doesn't completely repulse me (which is my way of saying "you rock, you big nerd!" hahahaha!) wanted to go and live there I thought "Dude, then let's go!" We always seem to want to end up in the same place at the same time without telling each other. I'm always surprised and think he's reading my mind. If it's not being in New York at the same time (we're both kinda tired and done with NYC now), it's being somewhere else. So, now I'm going to plan -- for myself -- to move out to one of the cities on my list and I won't tell anyone until I'm there... and we'll see what happens. I'm excited though. The planning aspect is awesome. It does mean I will have to learn about 4 different languages ('cause I haven't decided where I want to go) but I'm excited! The travel bug has bitten me again. YES! lol.
Alright, well, I have pretty exhausted -- don't know why -- so it's about time I call it a day. As usual, thanks for reading and God Bless.
.
One not so good thing -- I had one of the scariest dreams this morning. I woke up saying "Ave Maria Purisima" which roughly means to "Hail Mary, the Purest" in Spanish. It's something one says, in Mexican culture at least, when you get a sense of something evil. My dream was pretty intense, I was actually fighting with the devil (which isn't the first time I've dreamt it) because he was tempting to into doing something completely immoral but my will was too strong for him. Then I felt this strong wind trying to pull me into darkest. As soon as that happened, I started naming saints to help me. I started calling "St. Teresa of Avila... St. Jude Thaddeus... St. Michael Archangel... St. Raphael Archangel..." as soon as I remembered to call on Our Blessed Mother, I woke up... and said Ave Maria Purisima. It's completely scary. Every time I've had dreams that I'm fighting against evil, I've always won... like that time my house was surrounded by darkness and I took a white stone/light in my hands and make the darkness disappear. I believe I wrote an entry about that a few months back. Still, it's scary to dream and I will definitely talk to a priest about this.
Moving onto something nicer... I've been catching up on this awesome Catholic podcast called The Hands and Feet Show. I love that the show is VERY relatable to young people -- especially us in our late teens and 20s. They aren't afraid to tackle any issues, no matter how taboo or controversial, while keeping everything faith related. I definitely recommend it to anyone who doesn't shy away from any topic. You can check them out here (http://sqpn.com/category/talkshows/hands-and-feet/) They're part of SQPN which has a slew of awesome Catholic Podcasts. Definitely recommend all of 'em -- all of Fr. Roderick's podcasts, Rosary Army, the Saint Cast, etc. And, speaking of Fr. Roderick, he's in Rome this week and he's already done a podcast there. It sounds like Rome would be my kind of place... as soon as I get over my anxiety.
We've got it all planned -- as soon as my therapist gives me the thumbs up for traveling to big, crowded cities (that I haven't been to before), I'm visiting them. :D I already have my list of cities (mostly in Europe)... and, to be honest, it's more of me checking them out because I fully intend on living out there in about a year or so. Well, in France or another country in Europe. The idea of living in France popped into my head a few weeks ago. I already understand and speak a tiny bit of French so I need to really learn the basics but otherwise, I'm intrigued. I also heard that someone that doesn't completely repulse me (which is my way of saying "you rock, you big nerd!" hahahaha!) wanted to go and live there I thought "Dude, then let's go!" We always seem to want to end up in the same place at the same time without telling each other. I'm always surprised and think he's reading my mind. If it's not being in New York at the same time (we're both kinda tired and done with NYC now), it's being somewhere else. So, now I'm going to plan -- for myself -- to move out to one of the cities on my list and I won't tell anyone until I'm there... and we'll see what happens. I'm excited though. The planning aspect is awesome. It does mean I will have to learn about 4 different languages ('cause I haven't decided where I want to go) but I'm excited! The travel bug has bitten me again. YES! lol.
Alright, well, I have pretty exhausted -- don't know why -- so it's about time I call it a day. As usual, thanks for reading and God Bless.
.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Pope Benedict XVI, Religious Sister or Mother?, Relationships, and Roadtrip - Part Deux.
First off, SO sorry I haven't blogged as often -- once again. I've been so busy with multiple things, I lose track of time very easily. I will try my hardest to update more frequently, especially now that I'm seriously going to buckle down and work hard on finishing my novel.
Pope Benedict XVI was here all of last week. Sadly, I once got to watch a clip from when he arrived and nothing more during the week. I was, however, lucky enough to watch the Mass he did at Yankee Stadium live thanks to EWTN. I will admit that I shed many tears (happy tears) during the Mass. I loved that a Mexican man (reporters could tell by the accent/dialect) yelled "Viva el Papa!" (which means "long live the Pope" in Spanish) and everyone yelled "Viva!" The expression of Pope Benedict's face was priceless. He was very surprised and you could tell he felt the love of the crowd. When he spoke out about protecting babies -- those not yet born and those born -- the crowd yelled very loudly, as did I from my bedroom. lol. He also encouraging young people to consider religious vocations. It definitely made me think and seriously consider it. One of the things that personally touched me the most was when he spoke in Spanish and gave us Hispanics and Latin people blessings. (side note: He spoke to President Bush about stopping all the discrimination against immigrants, which pretty much won all the hearts of us living in the U.S. -- born here, like myself, and those who come here for a better life). After all said and done... WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MASS!!! Everything that was said and done was just beautiful. Someone who actually attended said the experience was indescribable. I bet! I also got to see when Pope Benedict went to Ground Zero for a prayer to meet survivors and family of victims. It was heartbreaking, especially to see an officer (or perhaps he was a fireman), who met the Pope, with a limp because I believe he has a prosthetic leg. At the same time, it was full of hope because, while it is unbelievable terrifying what happened at 9/11 (and I still remember where I was and how I felt when I found out what had happened that morning), there is still hope that human beings will learn from these terrible events and try to prevent it from happening anywhere. I also cried when I watched Pope Benedict leave back to Rome from JFK. Thank goodness EWTN was broadcasting all of it live because it made me feel like I was there. I'm so sad that our beloved Papa has left, and I really felt like I was saying goodbye to a dear friend when I saw him board the plane, but my heart is filled with hope, joy and love because he was here and he was simply amazing and inspiring. I hope to get to see him in person some day -- even if it means that I have to go to the Vatican and stand out when he greets people from his window. I loved our Papa before but this visit just increased the love and admiration I have for him and my faith. :)
One thing that I've already mentioned, his homily really made me think... especially about considering becoming a religious Sister. I've done a lot of soul searching lately and I'm honestly torn between getting married and becoming a sister. I don't think I have what it takes to be a nun, especially a cloistered nun, but I would love to be a Sister and teach Religious Studies if that's what God has in-store for me. I would also LOVE to be a wife and mother and bring at least one child into this world. I think that there is nothing more beautiful, and more joyous, than being a mother. The Blessed Virgin Mary has definitely been present in my life recently -- popping into my mind at random times and also praying for her intercession -- and she's really made me want to become a mother. That's a big surprise to friends who've known me for years because I used to say that I didn't want children and that childbirth was the scariest thing I could think of. It's a complete 180 from how I was before. :D It just goes to show how much a person can change in a matter of months.
I usually don't mention my personal life but for the purposes of this post I will mention a bit. This morning I was watching the European Journal on KOCE (PBS station) and they said that 70% of women living in Spain get physically beaten by their husbands and boyfriends. That is SHOCKING!!! I mean, I understand that there's a machismo image that Hispanic men have but I had no idea there was that much violence. I'm disgusted by it -- especially because I'm of Spanish heritage. I've been lucky enough to not experience that but I am sadden for those Spanish women, and women world wide, who have. It makes me want to do something about it -- to protect these women and their children. My heart goes out to them.
On a more positive side of relationships: Lately I've really grown from experiences regarding love and relationships. Since my novel is based on real life experiences, I've been revisiting some old memories -- many of which have been about a very special guy in my life. He gave me a reason to smile when I first got sick and he still makes me smile because he's a big dork. lol. Just like he did then, he's been giving me hope that I will get better and beat what I'm going through -- and he doesn't even know because I refuse to ever let him know that. Haha. One of the biggest things he's given me hope for -- I've started to believe that I will find the person I've meant to be with, if that's in God's plans for me. Just the fact that I have someone like him to unintentionally inspire me to not give up on so many things, including love, is amazing. I really hope that everyone has someone like that in their life... just make sure that they never take you up the roof, while you're in heels, at night just to slow dance with you -- especially if you're afraid of heights. It's romantic and psychotic at the same time. Haha. Yeah... that's a GREAT image that's completely stuck in my head. You'll read about it in my novel. lol.
So, besides all of that, I went on a little roadtrip yesterday -- which was the roadtrip from the place down under (and I don't mean Australia). It was absolutely horrible and I'm so stressed out from it. I seriously just want to sleep and listen to music for days. lol. I am ignoring any and all emails and messages that will stress me out (which I've already received, ugh) because I just spent a really long time with screaming children (which I didn't really mind because the little baby was sick and there was nothing that could make him feel better) and just chaos. To top it off, an own goal at Anfield (Liverpool FC's stadium) has made it difficult for them to go onto the semi-finals. Well, I still have hope. :D Yesterday was the WORST day, I've had in quite some time. But, as I've said, all I need is sleep and relaxation, which I will get during our movie marathon tonight! YAY! lol. Oh and I should note that two of my older brothers stopped by for a few minutes last night which was a happier ending to my horrific day. :D
Alright, well, I have to go get ready for when my dad comes home -- which he just did the second I started writing this. Haha. WEIRD! Now that he's home, I have to make sure he's alright because he's in his last 2 weeks of chemo and the side effects have gotten worse lately. Hopefully more entries will be written before the end of the week. I will definitely try. :D
As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
P.S. Don't forget to watch the Dove Awards on GMC (Gospel Music Channel) tonight!!! :D.
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Pope Benedict XVI was here all of last week. Sadly, I once got to watch a clip from when he arrived and nothing more during the week. I was, however, lucky enough to watch the Mass he did at Yankee Stadium live thanks to EWTN. I will admit that I shed many tears (happy tears) during the Mass. I loved that a Mexican man (reporters could tell by the accent/dialect) yelled "Viva el Papa!" (which means "long live the Pope" in Spanish) and everyone yelled "Viva!" The expression of Pope Benedict's face was priceless. He was very surprised and you could tell he felt the love of the crowd. When he spoke out about protecting babies -- those not yet born and those born -- the crowd yelled very loudly, as did I from my bedroom. lol. He also encouraging young people to consider religious vocations. It definitely made me think and seriously consider it. One of the things that personally touched me the most was when he spoke in Spanish and gave us Hispanics and Latin people blessings. (side note: He spoke to President Bush about stopping all the discrimination against immigrants, which pretty much won all the hearts of us living in the U.S. -- born here, like myself, and those who come here for a better life). After all said and done... WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MASS!!! Everything that was said and done was just beautiful. Someone who actually attended said the experience was indescribable. I bet! I also got to see when Pope Benedict went to Ground Zero for a prayer to meet survivors and family of victims. It was heartbreaking, especially to see an officer (or perhaps he was a fireman), who met the Pope, with a limp because I believe he has a prosthetic leg. At the same time, it was full of hope because, while it is unbelievable terrifying what happened at 9/11 (and I still remember where I was and how I felt when I found out what had happened that morning), there is still hope that human beings will learn from these terrible events and try to prevent it from happening anywhere. I also cried when I watched Pope Benedict leave back to Rome from JFK. Thank goodness EWTN was broadcasting all of it live because it made me feel like I was there. I'm so sad that our beloved Papa has left, and I really felt like I was saying goodbye to a dear friend when I saw him board the plane, but my heart is filled with hope, joy and love because he was here and he was simply amazing and inspiring. I hope to get to see him in person some day -- even if it means that I have to go to the Vatican and stand out when he greets people from his window. I loved our Papa before but this visit just increased the love and admiration I have for him and my faith. :)
One thing that I've already mentioned, his homily really made me think... especially about considering becoming a religious Sister. I've done a lot of soul searching lately and I'm honestly torn between getting married and becoming a sister. I don't think I have what it takes to be a nun, especially a cloistered nun, but I would love to be a Sister and teach Religious Studies if that's what God has in-store for me. I would also LOVE to be a wife and mother and bring at least one child into this world. I think that there is nothing more beautiful, and more joyous, than being a mother. The Blessed Virgin Mary has definitely been present in my life recently -- popping into my mind at random times and also praying for her intercession -- and she's really made me want to become a mother. That's a big surprise to friends who've known me for years because I used to say that I didn't want children and that childbirth was the scariest thing I could think of. It's a complete 180 from how I was before. :D It just goes to show how much a person can change in a matter of months.
I usually don't mention my personal life but for the purposes of this post I will mention a bit. This morning I was watching the European Journal on KOCE (PBS station) and they said that 70% of women living in Spain get physically beaten by their husbands and boyfriends. That is SHOCKING!!! I mean, I understand that there's a machismo image that Hispanic men have but I had no idea there was that much violence. I'm disgusted by it -- especially because I'm of Spanish heritage. I've been lucky enough to not experience that but I am sadden for those Spanish women, and women world wide, who have. It makes me want to do something about it -- to protect these women and their children. My heart goes out to them.
On a more positive side of relationships: Lately I've really grown from experiences regarding love and relationships. Since my novel is based on real life experiences, I've been revisiting some old memories -- many of which have been about a very special guy in my life. He gave me a reason to smile when I first got sick and he still makes me smile because he's a big dork. lol. Just like he did then, he's been giving me hope that I will get better and beat what I'm going through -- and he doesn't even know because I refuse to ever let him know that. Haha. One of the biggest things he's given me hope for -- I've started to believe that I will find the person I've meant to be with, if that's in God's plans for me. Just the fact that I have someone like him to unintentionally inspire me to not give up on so many things, including love, is amazing. I really hope that everyone has someone like that in their life... just make sure that they never take you up the roof, while you're in heels, at night just to slow dance with you -- especially if you're afraid of heights. It's romantic and psychotic at the same time. Haha. Yeah... that's a GREAT image that's completely stuck in my head. You'll read about it in my novel. lol.
So, besides all of that, I went on a little roadtrip yesterday -- which was the roadtrip from the place down under (and I don't mean Australia). It was absolutely horrible and I'm so stressed out from it. I seriously just want to sleep and listen to music for days. lol. I am ignoring any and all emails and messages that will stress me out (which I've already received, ugh) because I just spent a really long time with screaming children (which I didn't really mind because the little baby was sick and there was nothing that could make him feel better) and just chaos. To top it off, an own goal at Anfield (Liverpool FC's stadium) has made it difficult for them to go onto the semi-finals. Well, I still have hope. :D Yesterday was the WORST day, I've had in quite some time. But, as I've said, all I need is sleep and relaxation, which I will get during our movie marathon tonight! YAY! lol. Oh and I should note that two of my older brothers stopped by for a few minutes last night which was a happier ending to my horrific day. :D
Alright, well, I have to go get ready for when my dad comes home -- which he just did the second I started writing this. Haha. WEIRD! Now that he's home, I have to make sure he's alright because he's in his last 2 weeks of chemo and the side effects have gotten worse lately. Hopefully more entries will be written before the end of the week. I will definitely try. :D
As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
P.S. Don't forget to watch the Dove Awards on GMC (Gospel Music Channel) tonight!!! :D.
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Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Vacation, Mass, Dreams, Pope Benedict XVI, and Prince Caspian.
I really don't know where to start... so much has been going on since the day I decided to go on vacation. Well, I should start by saying that I was VERY surprised when I saw the massive merit scholarship I was given. I was going back and forth between two schools but this scholarship has pushed me towards accepting admission to one of the schools. I am SO excited and have yet to celebrate it. I definitely feel blessed and like this was a sign from God that this is the school I'm supposed to be attending. I also feel like a prayer to St. Jude a year and a half ago was answered as well, in the form of this scholarship. I tell ya, prayer works! :D What a way to start my vacation, eh?
Speaking of my vacation... I had a little too much fun. I'm actually back for a bit but do plan on going back on going back as soon as I get another opportunity. I was filled with so much happiness and love during those few days, it really made me forget all the illnesses and stress I've gone through lately. I had a LOT of fun. I got reacquainted with several aspects of my personality that I missed. I was so happy about that. :D Most of those days were either spent lazying around or going out. I've actually gotten out more than usual, which I am so grateful for because I believe I was developing cabin fever. lol. I definitely recommend taking a mini weekend vacation if you've been overly stressed out because it can do wonders for you! I very reluctantly came back. lol. I honestly felt like I could stay on my vacation (which, by the way, was here in my own home and hometown -- Miss CNW style ;)) until the summer was over but I have too much to do. Oh well. It was fun while it lasted. :D
One thing I got to do on vacation was go to Mass... at a new church... sitting in the first front rows... BY MYSELF! Yes, you read that right! Thank God, I was able to sit through the entire Mass without leaving. He definitely helped give me the courage to do so. I did actually get a little urge to leave for a few minutes when I thought I couldn't breathe (anxiety symptom) but I held the Miraculous Medal in my right hand and looked up at the Cross during Mass and asked God and the Blessed Virgin Mary to please give me the strength needed to make it through. And I did! Thank YOU to both of them! And, I should thank the priest who made the Mass fun with his tasteful jokes. So, thank you, too, Fr. Alexander!
Maybe all the positive feelings I've been experiencing have caused me to take my faith A LOT more seriously than before (and I was already pretty serious). I understand what my little sister says about being so full of love for the Lord. I finally get it. I had a dream last night where my spirit was literally lifted up so high that I was able to embrace Christ for a brief second before coming back down to earth. It's been one of my the most beautiful/wonderful dreams I've had... especially lately. No words can describe how amazing it was. This is the second dream in less than 2 weeks where I've seen and come in contact with him. Hopefully this means I'm doing something right and that I'm doing just what He'd like. I don't feel like I'm quite where I should be, and I still have a lot to do for Him, but I think I've finally found the right balance to achieve these things. :D
Oh, and before I forget, I am SO excited that Pope Benedict XVI is in the U.S. I watched a video clip of when he was greeted at the airport and I have to admit that I shed a couple of happy tears when I watched him come out of "Shepherd One" (as the plane is being called). Hopefully I'll be able to watch things about his visit here through EWTN and Catholic TV.
One more thing before I end this blog... raise your hand if you're excited about the Prince Caspian movie premiere in a month! *raises both hands* Haha. I watched the BBC version of "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" when I was growing up, and that started my love of the series, so I can't wait to watch PC. As long as I get to watch the film and hopefully get inspired by it, that's all I ask for. And, all this reminds me that I should probably re-read the book before I watch the film. I haven't read it in over a year. Okay, I better go finish St. Teresa of Avila's autobiography before I do! :D
As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.
Speaking of my vacation... I had a little too much fun. I'm actually back for a bit but do plan on going back on going back as soon as I get another opportunity. I was filled with so much happiness and love during those few days, it really made me forget all the illnesses and stress I've gone through lately. I had a LOT of fun. I got reacquainted with several aspects of my personality that I missed. I was so happy about that. :D Most of those days were either spent lazying around or going out. I've actually gotten out more than usual, which I am so grateful for because I believe I was developing cabin fever. lol. I definitely recommend taking a mini weekend vacation if you've been overly stressed out because it can do wonders for you! I very reluctantly came back. lol. I honestly felt like I could stay on my vacation (which, by the way, was here in my own home and hometown -- Miss CNW style ;)) until the summer was over but I have too much to do. Oh well. It was fun while it lasted. :D
One thing I got to do on vacation was go to Mass... at a new church... sitting in the first front rows... BY MYSELF! Yes, you read that right! Thank God, I was able to sit through the entire Mass without leaving. He definitely helped give me the courage to do so. I did actually get a little urge to leave for a few minutes when I thought I couldn't breathe (anxiety symptom) but I held the Miraculous Medal in my right hand and looked up at the Cross during Mass and asked God and the Blessed Virgin Mary to please give me the strength needed to make it through. And I did! Thank YOU to both of them! And, I should thank the priest who made the Mass fun with his tasteful jokes. So, thank you, too, Fr. Alexander!
Maybe all the positive feelings I've been experiencing have caused me to take my faith A LOT more seriously than before (and I was already pretty serious). I understand what my little sister says about being so full of love for the Lord. I finally get it. I had a dream last night where my spirit was literally lifted up so high that I was able to embrace Christ for a brief second before coming back down to earth. It's been one of my the most beautiful/wonderful dreams I've had... especially lately. No words can describe how amazing it was. This is the second dream in less than 2 weeks where I've seen and come in contact with him. Hopefully this means I'm doing something right and that I'm doing just what He'd like. I don't feel like I'm quite where I should be, and I still have a lot to do for Him, but I think I've finally found the right balance to achieve these things. :D
Oh, and before I forget, I am SO excited that Pope Benedict XVI is in the U.S. I watched a video clip of when he was greeted at the airport and I have to admit that I shed a couple of happy tears when I watched him come out of "Shepherd One" (as the plane is being called). Hopefully I'll be able to watch things about his visit here through EWTN and Catholic TV.
One more thing before I end this blog... raise your hand if you're excited about the Prince Caspian movie premiere in a month! *raises both hands* Haha. I watched the BBC version of "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" when I was growing up, and that started my love of the series, so I can't wait to watch PC. As long as I get to watch the film and hopefully get inspired by it, that's all I ask for. And, all this reminds me that I should probably re-read the book before I watch the film. I haven't read it in over a year. Okay, I better go finish St. Teresa of Avila's autobiography before I do! :D
As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Valentine's Day: Love, Romance, and Contradictions.
Happy Valentine's Day to everyone. I usually refer to this day as "don't fall for the commercial/materialistic part of this holiday" day because that is what it's become. It is no longer about St. Valentine or anything like that. It's awful that there is so much pressure on people to buy their significant others expensive gifts on this particular day. For me, I've never needed a day like today to express the love I feel, and not just for my significant other. Since coming out of my late teens (those horrible, horrible teen years... *shudders*), I've focused this day on my family and friends. This year, I added God, Jesus and the Virgin Mary into that equation. Honestly, Valentine's Day is no longer a day where only the romantic relationships are spotlighted... or, at least, not for me. Spending it doing whatever with my friends (Spa Day with the girls or lunch with the guys) or watching a chick flick with my mom. I hope that no one thinks I'm bashing romance and love between a boyfriend/girlfriend or anything like that. Not at all! I'm just saying, people should really focus on the love for the other people in their lives on this day.
It's sort of weird for me to say all of that because I'm somewhat of a hopeless romantic. I'm a sucker for movies with happy endings. I root for the underdog to get the girl in the end. Most of my music (especially in the jazz and jazz vocal genre) is about romance. When it comes to films, movies, songs, etc... I'm all for the romance and just letting my imagination wander off and I get swept away but it stops there. I definitely do think about all that gushy stuff but I'm still realistic when it comes to my own love life. I've learned to separate fantasy from reality. I'm just a little ball of contradictions, aren't I? lol. I could get deeper into this subject but I like to keep that part of my life as private as possible.
I will say, however, that I've officially outlasted all the female members in my family in the marriage/baby department. I was chatting with my mom earlier today and we realized that I'm the only woman in the family who's made it past the age of 19 without getting married or having a baby. YES! I have also outlasted my brothers as well since I am a few weeks away from my 23rd birthday and once I reach 23 I've done it. I'm actually very proud of that fact. :D Everyone always thought I'd marry young (well, younger) because I was always a romantic at heart, but the older I get, the longer I want to wait. There have been offers but I've declined. I'm in absolutely no rush. :) If, however, I do meet the person I will eventually marry at a young age (and by that I mean before my late 20s) than I will. Right now, I have no plan on settling down until after I've finished my Master's degree and have my career done but that could all change. I have absolutely no control over the future. If I end up getting married before that, then, it was meant to happen. Either way, I will always be happy that I've outlasted everyone (my parents included). :D *does cartwheel to celebrate* :P
Oh, yeah... and last night I had a dream I was dating the R&B singer Chris Brown. SO RANDOM! I don't even listen to his music, I don't know anything about him and I only know his name because I've heard a couple of people talking about him (and he was a presenter at the Grammys last weekend). *shrugs* I also talked to a priest in my dream, defended Eldar Djangirov -- whom I met in the dream -- because I felt he was ROBBED at the Grammys (that stems from my real life reaction; his "Re-imagination" album was brilliant!) and I was also at my mailbox waiting for mail. Crazy dream! lol. I'm used to it, though.
I will not make my blog longer tonight because I am exhausted. That is also why I didn't write one yesterday. I've been sleeping for less than 6 hours every day (4 yesterday) for the past couple of days and I am so tired. Can a girl get a break around here? lol. I am actually planning on going to sleep in a few minutes, despite it being only 8 p.m. I've been sleepy all day and if I don't get my sleep on anytime soon, it will not be pretty. lol.
Alright, well, I hope everyone had a lovely Valentine's Day... even if you don't shate the same sentiments as I do towards the holiday. :D Thanks for reading and God Bless.
It's sort of weird for me to say all of that because I'm somewhat of a hopeless romantic. I'm a sucker for movies with happy endings. I root for the underdog to get the girl in the end. Most of my music (especially in the jazz and jazz vocal genre) is about romance. When it comes to films, movies, songs, etc... I'm all for the romance and just letting my imagination wander off and I get swept away but it stops there. I definitely do think about all that gushy stuff but I'm still realistic when it comes to my own love life. I've learned to separate fantasy from reality. I'm just a little ball of contradictions, aren't I? lol. I could get deeper into this subject but I like to keep that part of my life as private as possible.
I will say, however, that I've officially outlasted all the female members in my family in the marriage/baby department. I was chatting with my mom earlier today and we realized that I'm the only woman in the family who's made it past the age of 19 without getting married or having a baby. YES! I have also outlasted my brothers as well since I am a few weeks away from my 23rd birthday and once I reach 23 I've done it. I'm actually very proud of that fact. :D Everyone always thought I'd marry young (well, younger) because I was always a romantic at heart, but the older I get, the longer I want to wait. There have been offers but I've declined. I'm in absolutely no rush. :) If, however, I do meet the person I will eventually marry at a young age (and by that I mean before my late 20s) than I will. Right now, I have no plan on settling down until after I've finished my Master's degree and have my career done but that could all change. I have absolutely no control over the future. If I end up getting married before that, then, it was meant to happen. Either way, I will always be happy that I've outlasted everyone (my parents included). :D *does cartwheel to celebrate* :P
Oh, yeah... and last night I had a dream I was dating the R&B singer Chris Brown. SO RANDOM! I don't even listen to his music, I don't know anything about him and I only know his name because I've heard a couple of people talking about him (and he was a presenter at the Grammys last weekend). *shrugs* I also talked to a priest in my dream, defended Eldar Djangirov -- whom I met in the dream -- because I felt he was ROBBED at the Grammys (that stems from my real life reaction; his "Re-imagination" album was brilliant!) and I was also at my mailbox waiting for mail. Crazy dream! lol. I'm used to it, though.
I will not make my blog longer tonight because I am exhausted. That is also why I didn't write one yesterday. I've been sleeping for less than 6 hours every day (4 yesterday) for the past couple of days and I am so tired. Can a girl get a break around here? lol. I am actually planning on going to sleep in a few minutes, despite it being only 8 p.m. I've been sleepy all day and if I don't get my sleep on anytime soon, it will not be pretty. lol.
Alright, well, I hope everyone had a lovely Valentine's Day... even if you don't shate the same sentiments as I do towards the holiday. :D Thanks for reading and God Bless.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
The Virgin Mary; Getting Ready for Lent.
On the previous post I wrote about how I'd had a dream where my father had told me to pray to the Virgin Mary. That dream really stuck with me (not the first time I have dream about her, either). Well, today, after I went to confessions I stopped by the table where they have the bulletins and other things. I normally wouldn't do this because the church I went to confessions isn't the one I normally attend mass (I attend mass at a parish a few minutes from my home). For some reason, though, I just gravitated towards the table. Seriously, I don't even remember thinking I wanted to see the bulletins; I just walked over. When I got there, I notice this thing that looked like a booklet with the Virgin Mary's image on it. I thought it was a prayer book (I've seen everything from booklets to prayer cards out for people to take for free) and I was like "Ooh, prayer book. This would be great to take home and read." When I went to open it, I saw that it wasn't a prayer book but the story of St. Catherine Labouré and the Miraculous Medal. Not only that, there was this necklace with a medal inside of it. I looked around at looked at the people, because I thought someone must have left it accidentally, but no one said or did anything. I asked my dad if he thought it was one of the free things the parish sometimes gives away (they've been known to give things like this away) and he said that it must've been because it was amongst the fliers and other things that the parish puts out for people to take home with them. So, I brought it home with me. I'm still worried that it was someone else's and that I've just stolen something unintentionally, but dad says it wouldn't be there if it wasn't meant to be there. And, hey, I checked to see if it belonged to anyone and no one said anything. Also, there was no price on it, so it must've been put out intentionally.
The awesome part about all of that is that when I did penance and was praying the Hail Mary's in front of the tabernacle, I had an image of Mary that looked like the one on the front of the booklet with the medal. I can't even begin to describe this feeling I got when I said my last Hail Mary... it was so peaceful and, as silly as it might sound, I felt like my spirit had been lifted up by her. What I asked God when I prayed, for a sign, seems to have come in the form of me finding the medal. Or, at least that is what I think. I just think it's awesome. I'm going to dedicate a good portion of Lent to praying to Our Mother (that's what I call her) and learning more about different ways she's appeared to saints (like in the form of Our Lady of Guadalupe). I have a feeling that she will be able to help me and to shed light on some things I am worried/thinking about. I'm going to have the medal blessed, hopefully soon, and I'll definitely carry it everywhere with me.
And, with Lent starting in a few days, I've decided to give up one more thing... and for good. I am giving up my superstitions. I know we shouldn't be superstitious but I have a few things I'm careful about so I'm going to get rid of them during Lent. Whoo! And, man, I can't believe Lent is so early this year. I didn't have enough time to prepare myself but I guess I'm more ready this year than I've ever been, which is good. :D
Alright, well, it's nearly 1 in the morning and I have to get up early for mass so... 'til next time, thanks for ready and God bless. :D
The awesome part about all of that is that when I did penance and was praying the Hail Mary's in front of the tabernacle, I had an image of Mary that looked like the one on the front of the booklet with the medal. I can't even begin to describe this feeling I got when I said my last Hail Mary... it was so peaceful and, as silly as it might sound, I felt like my spirit had been lifted up by her. What I asked God when I prayed, for a sign, seems to have come in the form of me finding the medal. Or, at least that is what I think. I just think it's awesome. I'm going to dedicate a good portion of Lent to praying to Our Mother (that's what I call her) and learning more about different ways she's appeared to saints (like in the form of Our Lady of Guadalupe). I have a feeling that she will be able to help me and to shed light on some things I am worried/thinking about. I'm going to have the medal blessed, hopefully soon, and I'll definitely carry it everywhere with me.
And, with Lent starting in a few days, I've decided to give up one more thing... and for good. I am giving up my superstitions. I know we shouldn't be superstitious but I have a few things I'm careful about so I'm going to get rid of them during Lent. Whoo! And, man, I can't believe Lent is so early this year. I didn't have enough time to prepare myself but I guess I'm more ready this year than I've ever been, which is good. :D
Alright, well, it's nearly 1 in the morning and I have to get up early for mass so... 'til next time, thanks for ready and God bless. :D
Friday, February 1, 2008
Re-evaluating Everything.
It's a bit frustrating to have all my plans up in the air. I had good plans a few weeks ago, then came exciting new plans. Those new plans brought out a side of me I never thought I'd see and it made me very uncomfortable. In the end, I don't know what I am going to do after all. As posted in the previous post, I was so excited about these new plans that had re-surfaced. I had it all planned out. I had a clear vision of it in my mind and I had started to do the research. I also noticed that as soon as I had accepted the newer plans, I had started to not care about certain (important!) things anymore. Worst of all, I started getting thoughts where I started questioning certain things I believed in. Once I realized that, I was thrown into a tailspin. I've been working really hard to get rid of the liberal side of myself (which has been hard as I've grown up surrounded by extremely liberal people) and this new thing had started pulling me back into that state of mind. It's incredibly stressful. On the one hand, I know I am capable of doing the project without compromising my beliefs and actually turning it into something positive. On the other hand, my biggest worry is that I'll be way too weak to actually pull it off and that I'll also do something I will later regret.
Of course, there's more to it. There were a lot of issues that were going to be a problem (which is what I was researching). Differences were going to make things a lot harder. Everything from dating issues (such as premarital sex -- being Catholic and being opposed to it while dating an Agnostic who puts a lot of emphasis on the physical aspect of the relationship) to political/social issues (one person being moderate when it comes to a lot of issues, the other being extremely liberal)... all of that makes life difficult. I was sincerely up for the challenge until I saw that it was going to pull me away from the Church. It might have been little things but even doubting those tiny things makes me extremely nervous.
If this makes no sense, I sincerely apologize. I was talking about working on a screenplay, but the thought of getting into the business and working with people who will try to change me just isn't my cup of tea. I've known (through school and friendships) people who do it for a living and I have absolutely no desire to go through what they do. So, I've axed those "dreams" and will continue writing my novel, as planned.
I had a very strange dream last night where I was asking for the Virgin Mary's help because I'd literally become someone who I didn't recognize. I looked in the mirror and noticed I was, physically, a different person. I remember that once I started praying and kept saying "Hail Mary" over and over, I slowly began looking like myself again. I actually saw myself physically transform back to what I actually look like. Then my father said something about my grandmother and praying for her because she was about to die (in real life, she passed away 3 years ago this March). He also mentioned praying to the Virgin Mary and praying 3 Hail Marys. When I woke up, I felt like I did before all these doubting thoughts came into my mind. I asked God for a sign last night (after this rather... odd... incident I had when I was by myself) as to what to do. After the incident and the dream, I know exactly what I will be doing during Lent (I was still going back and forth between giving up football matches and the internet). So, for Lent, I will be dedicating myself to praying more than I ever have and hopefully I'll get an answer as to what exactly I'm supposed to do with everything that's going on. Not just with the project but with almost everything in my life because everything is in question at the moment.
Alright, well, I am exhausted for some reason (I feel like I haven't slept even though I have) so I will go take a nap and then get back to answer e-mails and comments on facebook. I originally had a post about football (and footballers) planned but it can wait until tomorrow. Liverpool's playing so it'll give me more to write about... especially if they don't screw it up again. lol. Bring on international break!
Anyhoo, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
Of course, there's more to it. There were a lot of issues that were going to be a problem (which is what I was researching). Differences were going to make things a lot harder. Everything from dating issues (such as premarital sex -- being Catholic and being opposed to it while dating an Agnostic who puts a lot of emphasis on the physical aspect of the relationship) to political/social issues (one person being moderate when it comes to a lot of issues, the other being extremely liberal)... all of that makes life difficult. I was sincerely up for the challenge until I saw that it was going to pull me away from the Church. It might have been little things but even doubting those tiny things makes me extremely nervous.
If this makes no sense, I sincerely apologize. I was talking about working on a screenplay, but the thought of getting into the business and working with people who will try to change me just isn't my cup of tea. I've known (through school and friendships) people who do it for a living and I have absolutely no desire to go through what they do. So, I've axed those "dreams" and will continue writing my novel, as planned.
I had a very strange dream last night where I was asking for the Virgin Mary's help because I'd literally become someone who I didn't recognize. I looked in the mirror and noticed I was, physically, a different person. I remember that once I started praying and kept saying "Hail Mary" over and over, I slowly began looking like myself again. I actually saw myself physically transform back to what I actually look like. Then my father said something about my grandmother and praying for her because she was about to die (in real life, she passed away 3 years ago this March). He also mentioned praying to the Virgin Mary and praying 3 Hail Marys. When I woke up, I felt like I did before all these doubting thoughts came into my mind. I asked God for a sign last night (after this rather... odd... incident I had when I was by myself) as to what to do. After the incident and the dream, I know exactly what I will be doing during Lent (I was still going back and forth between giving up football matches and the internet). So, for Lent, I will be dedicating myself to praying more than I ever have and hopefully I'll get an answer as to what exactly I'm supposed to do with everything that's going on. Not just with the project but with almost everything in my life because everything is in question at the moment.
Alright, well, I am exhausted for some reason (I feel like I haven't slept even though I have) so I will go take a nap and then get back to answer e-mails and comments on facebook. I originally had a post about football (and footballers) planned but it can wait until tomorrow. Liverpool's playing so it'll give me more to write about... especially if they don't screw it up again. lol. Bring on international break!
Anyhoo, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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