What I Really, Really Want

♪ Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want... ♪

Yes, you may cue the Spice Girls' "Wannabe" right now since that is exactly where I got today's blog post title from.

And, yes, this blog post was inspired by the song Krystin and I agree is the government's current theme song ("I Want It Now"). :-P

These past two weeks I've had a serious case of the "I really, really want this!"-s. There have been two things I really, really want: to get accepted to the only school I applied to for my second Bachelor's (Bachelor of Science this time) degree and an improvement in my prayer life.

If you've been MIA and are just getting back to reading the blog: Hi! Welcome Back. Yes, I am going for a second Bachelor's degree. I majored in Religious Studies and not Speech-Language Pathology so an additional year or year and a half of undergraduate coursework is required. This is the only school that I know of (that I was remotely interested in, anyway) that gives a second Bachelor's degree when you finish their program. That doesn't mean that I will attend this school for grad school (though I may apply if I like their program) but it's definitely a step in the right direction. It comes highly recommended (and, bonus, I can do the entire thing online) so y'all can guess how much I want it. I want it. I really, really want it.

What else do I want? Oh yes, an improvement in my prayer life. I've already discussed this with my spiritual director but I haven't really touched on it here. I've been distracted way too easily when I pray lately. Whether it's in the morning or at night, something's going to distract me. On my mom's days off, it's usually her. Seriously love my mom but she has a tendency to make a lot of noise when I tell her I'm going to do my morning prayers. To be f air, she's hard of hearing so she doesn't think it's that bad but it is for me since I like it to be as quiet as possible so I can concentrate. When I'm home alone (most of the week), it's always something else. My downstairs neighbor's son playing "The Final Countdown" on the keyboard (I kid you not: every. single. day.), my next door neighbor slamming his closet shut, the dogs barking, someone telling... something. These noises don't bother me as much when I'm not praying but, boy, they all seem to get louder when praying. At the end of my prayers, I have no idea what I just "prayed." All I really, really want is so be able to concentrate and focus solely on praying and having a conversation with God.

Of course, in these two examples, I've only been focused on what I want. While I really, really want to get into this particular school I applied to (whose name I won't share until I get either accepted or rejected), I know that there is always a chance that I won't be accepted. While I want my prayer time and prayer life to be a certain way, I know that I won't always get it. I need to step away from my wants and focus on the fact that my will won't be done, but God's will.

I think we sometimes get so caught up in thinking about what we want that we forget that God has bigger and better plans for us than we do for ourselves. I wanted to go to UBC or Oxford. I wanted to graduate from college on time (which would've been around 2007). I wanted to live in Vancouver or England by now. I wanted my father not to die from cancer in 2009. I wanted to be married and have a family by now. None of these plans panned out for whatever reason but I remain hopefully that I am still doing God's will.

Never have the words "in God's time" and the idea of trusting God completely been more felt than during the last year or so. I've been through so much (but, really, who hasn't?) and it's really tested my faith. I'm grateful though, because it's only made it that much stronger. Whether I get into *** (initials ;)) or whether my concentration improves while praying, only time will tell. Either way, I will be grateful for whatever I get and thank God for it.

Alright, since I have the day off (not by choice; slow freelance week), I'm going to keep reading Married Saints and Blesseds Through the Centuries by Monsignor Ferdinand Holbock. I'm only on page 52 but I'm already in love with this book. The way Mama Mary and St. Joseph's marriage is describe is truly beautiful (and I bet it would make the "she didn't remain a virgin" people think twice about their beliefs). I can't put it down... and I'm actually itching to pick it up again. ;)

I hope y'all have a good start of week thus far! If you have any prayer requests, please let me know. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

First Impressions

Don't you just love the view we have from campus? That's the Pacific Ocean in the background.

While I sit in the surprisingly noisy library unable to take the much needed nap I was hoping for, I thought it would be good to update the blog with my first impressions on attending a "liberal" Catholic college. After all, I have a 6 hour break until my next class and I have nothing due for my next class so why not blog?

First reaction after three days of classes: "What the heck did I get myself into?" If the hour and a half trip to campus (due to rush hour traffic on the infamous 405 freeway; you Southern Californians know what I'm talking about) and the 5 hours of sleep weren't bad enough, I also have to deal with being "too Catholic" for a majority of my classes. Seriously. Nearly all of my Religious Studies professors sounded like they had some issues with "traditional" Catholics, or at least with our beliefs. All have said that we're allowed to argue for our side and that, out of respect, we shouldn't attack our fellow classmates with differing opinions but I still have a bad feeling about it. So far I haven't met anyone else who has the same moral beliefs that I do. I've only seen one fellow classmate with a brown scapular and another with a shirt of St. Francis surrounded by animals but that's as far as it goes.

Every day I make it a point to stop at the chapel on campus to have a little chat with God. I sit in the darkened chapel and pray, usually to help me make it through the rest of the day because I've been sick, exhausted, and because I don't feel entirely comfortable in my Religious Studies courses. There is an alcove with a big statue of St. Therese (it's taller than my 5'7" self) that I also visit right after I go to the chapel. I like to have a little time with St. Therese as well, usually asking for her intercession while I'm there. Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati also comes up often throughout the day, especially when I bring out a book I'm reading about him (halfway done). Oh, I'm getting offtrack... anyway... I think I may be the only one that stops by the chapel during the day. I've spent quite some time either in or near the chapel and I haven't seen anyone else go in. I've seen who I assumed to be parents of a student, minus the student, to go in for a minute but that's it. They offer morning prayers but I haven't been able to get to campus on time to go. My guess is that it's pretty empty during this time too... and all of this makes me feel terribly upset. I had some hope that there was at least one or two more like minded people on campus but I haven't met anyone yet. Of course I'm new to this school and I don't know many people but, still... it's not looking good.

Now, I don't mind being "the Lone Ranger" here, at least in terms of beliefs. I don't care if they ridicule me when I pray before eating or doing anything that shows I'm Catholic to the core. I will learn to deal with these things and with the clashing beliefs between professors and myself. I will give them the benefit of the doubt about allowing me to express my beliefs without being attacked for it. I am giving them faith and a chance to prove me wrong when I say I have an uphill battle ahead of me. When it comes to myself and what will happen to me, I'm sure God will help me out if it's His will. I have enough faith and optimism. However, it makes me sad that there doesn't seem to be much reverence to Him at a self-described Catholic college. Again, it may be because I'm a "traditional" Catholic and because I'm more serious about my faith but still. I won't get into the modesty issue because there's no need for me to criticize my classmates' wardrobe choices. Makes me sad but what can I do about it (besides praying)? I see the same everywhere else I go.

Maybe I'm being too picky. I knew what I was getting myself into... a bit too late but I didn't have to show up for classes. Like I said, I am prepared to challenge them, and I am prepared to be challenged (which will in turn make me stronger in my faith) but I also have to test my professors to see how far I can push them before they kick me out of their classes.

Okay, my eyelids are slowly coming down lower so I will try to take a nap in this library. Hopefully they don't mind that I'll be take a cubicle for the next hour or so to nap. :) If some parts of the blog post reads funny, it's because I'm a typing zombie at the moment.

Say a prayer for me and I'll say one for all of you later when I go into the chapel for my quality time with God. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

New School. New Semester. New Challenges.

I officially have two and a half weeks of vacation left before I return to school, only it'll be a new school. It'll be my first semester at one of the four Catholic colleges/universities within the L.A. Archdiocese. On one hand I am terribly excited as I have wanted to study at a Catholic school for ages. I used to beg my parents to enroll me in one when I was a little girl, before I knew just how expensive they can be. As I mentioned in a post a few weeks ago, I am lucky and blessed enough to have received a huge scholarships and grants that will pay for my tuition so all I have to worry about is textbooks. I said it once and I'll say it again: it literally pays to be an academic nerd. lol. I am also excited about the classes I will get to take as well. I am only taking 5 but the five are:

- Intro to the New Testament
- Intro to Catholicism
- Intro to Christian Ethics
- Western Literary Heritage
- Intermediate Algebra *gag, shudder*

Can you tell that I am not looking forward to math? Math is my Achilles heel and I have to re-take the algebra class because my math professor last Fall decided to fail almost everyone in the class. Well, technically I didn't fail. I got a D but I should've received a B if not an A because I was acing everything and I firmly believe I passed the final. I won't go into a rant about this but I will say I smell a rat and it's coming from my former math professor's direction. I have people as witnesses to the fact that I understood the material. Anyway, except for math, I am exceedingly giddy about my course schedule. Since I am a double major (Religious Studies and English) I get to focus on my major requirements now that I am done with my general ed requirements.

One of the upsides of going to a Catholic college is that the reading list for my Lit class includes Dante's Divine Comedy, the Bible, Virgil's Aeneid, Homer's The Iliad, and Ovid's Metamorphosis. Since I had 6 and a half hours (yes, hours!) between two of my classes a couple of times a week, I will be able to read as well as spend some time praying in the chapel on campus. They also have a Campus Ministry which, as a Religious Studies major, I will be involved in. I would've gone to daily Mass, too, if it didn't start at the same time as my first course of the day. While all of this, and the fact that I get to keep my promises to both St. Jude Thaddeus and Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, is making me very happy there are a couple of things that will be challenging for me.

The first seems like a minor challenge to me: sleeping schedule. I am used to going to bed after midnight and as late as 2:30 a.m. I will no longer be able to do that since my first class is at 8 in the morning. It would be no big deal if I did not have to deal with the traffic on both the freeway as well as the street. Since I will probably spend about an hour to an hour and a half trying to get to campus (even though it should only take me 10-15 minutes to get there), I will have to get up at 6 in the morning in order to have breakfast and get ready very quickly. I know how to shave some time off my morning routine (opting to wear my glasses instead of the contact lenses, nixing make-up - which is what I do now anyway, etc.) but I still have to get up early. Again, this will be no big deal - just minor sleeping time adjustments - but I have bigger challenges.

I knew what I was getting myself into when I accepted my place at this college. I knew that I was going to step into a more liberal college experience than I would've loved. While they have improved on some of the more cringe worthy things I would've spoken up against (such as the cancellation of the V-Monologues performances), I know there are some things I will not agree with. It's a Catholic college, shouldn't it actual act like one? What I didn't know, but was recently warned about, was just how much of the "cafeteria Catholic" ideology was going to be pushed onto me. As I don't know a single soul that attends the school, I didn't know just how bad it is supposed to be. Take a second to imagine someone who wins a brand new car and then finds out that there are many broken parts that they can't replace or fixed so they must do with what they have. That's the best way I can describe how I feel about the whole thing. While I hate conflict (I run away from drama), I may just have to speak up. The thing is that I don't know just how much I can speak up against without getting kicked out.

I have a thing about speaking up against elders or people in authority - I can't do it without feeling guilty. I will stand up to professors once in a while but I always feel guilty at the end. I feel like I'm being disrespectful but I do it because I would feel even worse if I didn't say anything. I have immense respect for those whose vocation is the religious life... so what do I do if I encounter a Sister who supports the ordination of women or anything that I feel strongly about? Where am I going to draw the line? I think I was naive to think I would mainly deal with apathetic classmates. Having faculty that would try to ingrain in me things I, as a faithful Roman Catholic, do not agree with will be a huge challenge for me. I keep reading the new book of the letters Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati wrote in which we can read just how brave he was speaking up against something that was against the Church's teachings because it's so inspiring. I am going to use it as a source of courage and encouragement because I am definitely going to need it. By the way, any prayers you guys might want to send my way would be greatly appreciated. :D

Okay, I think that's enough over-analyzed for today. lol. :D I hope to write an entry dedicated to patron saints of students as well as prayers and novenas to them before the semester starts so all my fellow students are prepared to tackle school. :D

Hope everyone reading is having a great week thus far.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.

Transfer Application Tango and Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati.

It's the time of the year when high school seniors and transfer students are doing the transfer application tango. Of course it's not called that but I like to call it that. Don't ask me why, I just do. lol. Anyway, as some of you (who have read this blog for over a year) know, I went through this process last year. Unfortunately, plans change (when do they not?) and I must go through this again. The good news is that I'm a lot more prepared than I was last year. I'm basically done with all my core requirements and have even got all but one or two of the lower division requirements completed. One of those requirements that I need I'm currently taking (Philosophy of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam -- or, as I call it, Phil. of Monotheistic Religions) so I'll be free to take my Creative Writing lower division requirement (last one I need) next semester. "But wait, aren't you just majoring in Religious Studies?" you may ask. Well, no. I'm technically double majoring in Religious Studies AND Creative Writing. If I end up at one of school I'm applying to in L.A. I'll be able to do both without much trouble. If I end up at my dream school (yes, I decided to apply despite protests and guilt trips from my mother)), I'll have to either focus on one of those OR opt to merge them together and major in Religion, Literature, and the Arts. Yes, that's the official title of it. I have a lot of options, which I'm really excited about.

I'm also excited that I dropped my Biological Psychology course. Had I mentioned that before? I don't remember. Anyway, I had to drop it. I had begun getting chest pains (and scary ones at that) because the class really stressed me out. The professor was kind of nutty so I decided to take it next semester with another professor. It all works out because I needed two more courses to be considered a full time student next semester and now I have one less to worry about. Of course I ask for saints intercessions when it gets tough but this was one class I just couldn't handle because of the professor's unrealistic expectations.

I ask St. Joseph of Cupertino whenever I am nervous about an exam (which has been twice so far) and I've done very well. St. Thomas Aquinas also gets props because I ask him to intercede for me when I'm at a loss for words in my Philosophy course. Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati is going to be my transfer application patron saint. Why did I choose him? Because a) the way he lived his life inspires me to become a better person, b) he was my age when he went up to heaven, and c) he never got to finish his degree. In fact, he was just about to finish his degree to become a mining engineer when he contracted poliomyelitis and passed away. Since it's taken me this long to finish my own degree (due to illness and taking care of my father for all those years), I thought it was appropriate to ask for his intercession during this process. I'm not going to ask that, through his intercession, I get into my dream school. That would entirely too selfish of me. I'm going to pray that I get into the school that I will learn the most from; where I will be able to help others better. Of course, I want to go to my dream university but if it's not where the Lord wants me, then I won't go there. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I'm leaving it all up to God. May I go and do according to His will, not mine.

You know what? Since I wrote that blog about enjoying being single and giving my heart to God for safe keeping, things have gotten much better. Everything is falling into place. I am less worried about a lot of things. I've been able to enjoy my friendships (with both my girlfriends and guy friends) a lot better. I can see some of my friendships coming to an end, and I'm sad about that, but I can also see why it would be for the best. Leaving it all up to God, yet trying to live my life as best as I can and never giving up on my dreams, is something I should've done a long time ago. *content sigh*

Alright, that's it for now. I'm going to go take a test for my Interpersonal Communication class... two weeks early. Yes, it's not due for another 2 weeks but if I can get it done today I can read the two chapters on Judaism assigned for my Philosophy course. It's all review for me since I've taken similar courses but I still love any excuse I can get to read the Old Testament and then see how various textbooks (authors, really) interpret it. :D And now I'm stalling. lol.

I hope everyone had a great week and weekend. Fingers crossed that I can make it Mass later today (if I feel well enough to walk two miles two and from the nearest parish). As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D



P.S. The book reviews on the Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati books are coming soon. Seriously. Just let me get through the next couple of days (up to Wednesday, max) of class lectures so I can focus solely on the reviews.

Spring Semester!; RED Benefit Dance for Catholic Underground

Come on, Spring semester... hurray up! I am bored and I need some mental stimulation, even if it's me trying to cram knowledge into my brain before an exam. Luckily, I go back to school next Monday. The downside is that my first class, English, starts at 7:30 a.m.... which means I have to be up at 6:30 a.m. twice a week. *groan* I am used to going to sleep at 2-3 a.m. and waking up between 9 and 11 a.m. so this is going to be a challenge for me. Today was my first attempt at sleeping and getting up early. I went to sleep at midnight and woke up at 7:10 a.m. Granted, the only reason for this was because The Secret of Roan Inish (one of my favorite movies) was aired at 8 a.m... but it's a start. :D I'm so tired right now but I am making myself skip a nap so that I am hopefully tired by 10-11 p.m. tonight. By the way, if you think a 7:30 a.m. college class is nuts, I took a 6:30 a.m. English class my entire freshman year of college. The entire school year. Yes, seriously. If you don't believe me, I think they still offer the same class at Santa Monica College (my alma mater); you can go check it for yourself. lol.

Regardless of the time issues, I am actually looking forward to this semester -- mainly because it's my last semester of lower division classes. Technically, I'm done with lower division (except for 2 classes) and have enough credits to be a junior but since I'm at a junior college at the moment (because of financial aid issues I had with the Catholic college I'm at), I can't take upper division courses. I'm taking two Philosophy courses as my electives. My Spring schedule is as follows:
- English
- Philosophy: Ethics
- Philosophy of World Religions
- Speech: Critical Thinking (Persuasion and Argumentation)

Heavy load, isn't it? Glutton for punishment, anyone? lol. (Oh, and yes, I'm aware that they are in alphabetical order. Trust me, I had no idea that was the order my classes would be in. lol.) I need English and Speech so no way out of those. Just like there was no way out of Math and Science courses I've already taken. *shudders* lol. As for the Philosophy courses, well, I AM a Religious Studies major so these are good electives to take. I'm pretty sure my Ethics course will be required at my Catholic college... if I decide to continue attending it... so I'm good there. :D I am sure I will be taking part in some debates in my Ethics course. I fully intend to quote St. Thomas Aquinas, as well as Aristotle. Good thing I'm taking the Speech class that will prepare me for that, because I dislike arguing with a passion. Seriously. If I can avoid it, I will go out of my way to make sure it doesn't happen. Oh well, we'll see how it goes. I've already met one of my classmates when I went to purchase my textbooks. Fun. :D

Something I'm looking forward to more than school (yes, I'm well aware I'm weird for that)... the RED Benefit Dance for the Catholic Underground. It's being held on Valentine's Day at St. Victor's in West Hollywood. Modestia and Catholic in Film School blogger extraordinaire, Rebecca, will be one of the people attending it. I need to go dress shopping this weekend because, just like her, my only red dress is not suited for dancing. Although I am going stag to the dance, I still intend to dance and have fun. :D If you're in Southern California, especially the L.A. area, it would be a great alternative to all those crowded meat markets (a.k.a. clubs) on Valentine's Day. Just think about it... and remember that it's for a good cause. If you go, please make sure to say hi. You know, if you know who I am. If you don't, just ask around and I'm sure you'll eventually find me. lol. If you want more information on the event, please go to Catholic Underground (L.A.)'s website.

Alrighty, well, I should probably go do something productive -- like exercise, blech -- before it gets any later. That and I want to give you guys a break from my uber long posts. lol. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.
.

History of World Religions, Religious Studies Major.

I don't know where to start... I have so much I want to write about (but, don't worry, I won't. lol). First off, I am SO HAPPY we finally covered Catholicism and Christianity in my History of World Religions class. I have a list of all the people and saints that we covered... if I can just find it... *digs through desk drawer*... here we go:

- St. Ambrose - St. Augustine of Hippo - St. Benedict of Nursia - St. Francis of Assisi - St. Clare of Assisi - St. Dominic - St. Catherine of Siena - Pope Gregory I (The Great) - Pope Gregory XI - Pope Urban VI - St. Augustine of Kent/Canterbury - St. Thomas Aquinas - St. Anselm of Canterbury - St. John of the Cross - St. Teresa of Avila (WHOO!) - St. Ignatius of Loyola - St. Francis Xavier.

All those people/saints were covered in only 7 pages. I was super excited to have to learn a little bit more about them for a class! It reaffirmed my belief that I am supposed to be a Religious Studies major. :D I had to compare Martin Luther, John Calvin, King Henry VIII, and St. Ignatius of Loyola for my Christianity paper. Guess which I wrote more about; which one I knew more about. :D Man, I LOVE this class. :D

We're currently doing the last religion we'll learn about (I think), which is Islam. We have a big research paper due in like 2 weeks and I was originally going to do it on Christianity, Judaism, and Buddhism but now I'm going to switch Buddhism for Islam because I think it'll be easier (since they believe in God). I still don't know if I'll focus on the sacred texts or the art but it's one of those. It'll be interesting.

All of this that I have been learning has really made me think about what I'm going to do when it comes to my Religious Studies major. I'm at the point where I have to decide, once and for all, where I'll be attending next Fall to finish my Bachelor's degree. I have to do it this week because I have to make sure my Winter session and Spring semester classes are exactly what I'll need (also, to basically get more credits done at a cheaper cost, lol). I''m still undecided whether to go to a state university (where I'll have to learn about different religions) or go back to my private college (where I'll focus mainly on Catholicism). I would rather go to a Catholic university/college but, really, it all comes down to the tuition. Since I'm in charge of all my educational costs, I have to really think about the debt and whatnot once I graduate. I am completely torn on what to do so I'll hopefully get some advice from Fr. Stan. I've already called to make an appointment so now I'm just waiting for him to call me back and set the day when I can go in and ask. I've tried to figure it out on my own, and have even prayed about it, but all that I've come up with is going to a priest and asking his advice.

I don't think my decision would be so hard if I wasn't planning on (eventually) becoming a teacher. See, I have my plans. If I don't make it as an author or wedding planner, I want to be an elementary school teacher. I love kids and I love teaching them things. I think I'd do a good job. Because of this, and because I'd want to teach at a Catholic school... well, it makes me think twice about what school I'll get my degree from. Hopefully Fr. Stan will be able to help me figure it out a bit.

Well, that's it. I had more planned but I just started getting these stomach cramps and I'm not feeling too well so I'm going to call it a day. Hopefully it isn't serious... and that I won't have to go to the Emergency Room.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D
.

Born to Be Catholic?

Last night, mom and I were watching a show about angels which lead to an interesting conversation. Mom said that I seemed to have been born to be a devoted, and very religious, Catholic. She said that when I was a baby and used to smile and laugh in my sleep, she used to say to my dad "Look, she's talking to her little (guardian) angel." Apparently, I would be sound asleep and all of a sudden I would burst into laughter... and I would stay asleep. So, whenever that would happen my mom would say I was talking to an angel. So, when I was baptized at 3 months old, I soaked the poor priest with the water... while giggling my little baby tush off. lol. I seemed to enjoy being at church... and soaking the priest more. lol. Yeah, I was a mischievous baby, but so was my brother Moises when he was a baby. We did the exact same thing -- getting a priest wet while getting baptized -- at the same church, 14 years apart. Now, I should mention that my brother died when he was a baby over a decade before I was born. When I got to be around 4 years old, I used to go up to the windowsill, look up at the sky, crying, and say "Moises, YOUR mom is being mean to me." Whenever I got lectured I would look up at the sky and complain to my brother. Why? Because he's in heaven, duh. lol. I knew Moises had died completely innocent thus sending his soul straight to heaven. I was also very interested in what was inside the San Fernando Mission (which I got to finally visit twice - picture special one, two - when I was older) and about saints as a child. I remember being VERY interested in St. Francis of Assisi when I was about 7 years old without anyone, except the priest in Mass, mentioning him to me. When people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I'd immediately say that I wanted to be a nun. A Carmelite, to be exact. I was only 5-7 years old yet that was my dream "job." Oh, and I also had a Virgin Mary nightlight growing up because I used to be afraid of the dark.

Those are just example of things I would do when I was younger. According to my mom, I have always been very Catholic (except for those lost years in my teens) since my birth. I've always felt close to the Church. I even got confirmed early when I was taken to Mexico so I didn't have to wait until I was in my mid-late teens (though I wish they would've let me do it in my teens; that's another story). And, since I've returned to my "roots", I've tried to get my parents back to Mass and eventually completely back to the Church. I even get upset with my father when he refuses to take me to confession or Mass (I can't drive at the moment because of my anxiety). I will tear up (unintentionally, I REALLY love going to Mass and get very sad when I can't go) until he agrees. Actually, he's gotten better about that. He knows what time I usually like to go to Mass so he doesn't complain anymore. When I told my parents I would be majoring in Religious Studies, or that I wanted to attend a Catholic college/university, they weren't surprised. When I said I wanted to go talk to a priest, just to talk about certain things, they were a little puzzled but sort of understood.

So, all of this got me wondering... are any of us born to be Catholic? Do any of you think that some of us (who are cradle Catholics) were just born with a love the Church without getting encouraged to do so? I'm still thinking about this so I honestly don't have an answer. If any of you have any comments, please don't hesitate to leave 'em. I'm very curious to hear what others think. And, yes, you can e-mail me in case you don't want your comments going up on the blog. :D I look forward to hearing feedback. :D

Alright, well, I still have some things to do (including watching 2 saint movies, whoo!) so I should go. Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
.

Decisions and Changes.

If you had the choice to attend a school where you were comfortable at and would be receiving a great amount to attend, but knew you would struggle to stay morally and spiritually right, would you stay? If you had the alternative of attending another school where you would have a hard time in terms of financial aid and stress, but knew that you would be able to stay on the right path, would you rather go there? These were the questions that I had/have to deal with.

I was excited about attending school A (where I was comfortable) but I was noticing that, though I tried to stay as righteous as I could, I would struggle. In the first 2 days that I went to my courses at school A, I was very surprised at how quickly I'd fallen back into the routine I had when I first attended said school. This was prior to my coming back to the Church. I swore like a sailor (and I'm ashamed of that). It was a lot easier for me to say the Lord's name in vain (even though I didn't really think about doing it). I think that's what the problem was... I didn't think my actions through before I did them. I caught myself MANY TIMES coming very close to saying the Lord's name in vain this past week. All unintentionally but, ugh, I hate doing that. Thankfully, I was able to stop myself. I saw myself going back to the way I was and I refuse to be that person again. I've worked very hard to get where I am now. Not only that, I simply don't want to offend God in any way, shape, or form. I have too much love and respect for Him and the Church to do that. That meant I had to do the hard thing and leave a place of comfort to go somewhere I would be humbled.

Last night, I dropped all my courses and decided to go back to school B where I was at last fall. Everyone's pretty shocked that I did this because I've always said that I completely disliked school B but I feel like it's for the best. I will have financial aid issues with school B but I would rather get little to no financial aid than to compromise my beliefs and turn myself back to who I was then. At school A, I would be taking my Philosophy and Religious Studies courses with mostly ultra-liberal professors (with the exception of the Philosophy of Religion class I was taking). At school B, I am more free to express my beliefs about God and about faith without the professors penalizing me for it. And, at school B I know that I can stay on the path that I was going down on, which is a path of prayer, without it being such an issue like it was at school A. I don't think I ever swore/cursed at any point when I attend school B.

The argument that I could be at either school and just really work hard at not straying has come up in my mind. I completely agree... but I also think that I'm still learning how to stay on the right path. I'm very strong willed and all but there are some things I still need to work on and going to school A would just set me back.

I see it this way -- for example: Let's say you're completely bored and want to go see a movie. Film A (which represent school A) is a very mature rated R movie that you could go watch for free, and you'll even get free popcorn and a drink. You know it would be bad for you because of the content but you say to yourself that it's just a movie; no big deal. You'll just cover your eyes during certain scenes. Now, let's say Film B (school B) is a tame, rated G movie that you have to pay your last $20 to see. You know that you'll be broke if you see it but know that the content won't be unsuitable. With Film A, you can try to cover your eyes but there's always the temptation and the possibility of watching the icky scenes in a moment of weakness. With Film B, yes, you'll be broke but you won't feel guilty afterward and won't have to go to confession for it. Which would you choose? Hopefully, Film B... which is what I did. I would rather have to work hard physically and mentally to keep myself ahead (and basically be broke) than to work hard to keep myself spiritually and morally right with many temptations around. It's easier to fall in situation/film/school A than it is in B.

So, now I will have yet another first day of school when I return to school B next Wednesday. I already have my courses set, and I've spoken to professors who have vowed to help me out (I have an amazing English Lit professor) in case I need it. I'm armed with my Rosary and novena so I am not going to stress out, and am surprisingly anxiety and stress free -- SERIOUSLY!, because I have faith that God will help me if I truly need it. This is yet another one of those obstacles that I have to get through to become a better person.

Okay, I think I've bored y'all enough with my little situation. lol. I hope to have time to write quite a bit soon. I STILL have a blog I'm planning so keep your eyes out for it.

I will be praying for of all you who are going back to school. Anyone else counting down the days 'til Christmas break? I already am. Hahaha. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
.

Saturday Vigil Mass; School? Already?!

I went to Mass today, after confessions, because I won't be able to tomorrow. I don't think I've ever done that. *thinks* Nope; never done it. It was lovely. We had a pianist and a violinist playing the music and the man who sang had such a beautiful baritone voice. I felt very peaceful during Mass, most likely because it started not too long after I came out of confessions and also said the Rosary (in the church). It was a welcomed changed. After my anxiety attack, which was one of the worse ones I've had in quite a while, I had last night I totally needed to refocus my thoughts on prayer.

And if you're wondering about the anxiety, I'm doing so much better now. The anxiety was something that built up over time (about 2 months-ish) and needed to be released in the forms of tears. That's all I needed to do, just cry it out of my system. But, as I said in my recent post about anxiety, I kept trying to think positive and about how I have it so much better than others. :D I'm good; trust me. My anxiety isn't as bad as it used to be *knocks on wood*. lol. Thank you, God! :D

But, anyway, back to the Mass this evening... Fr. Juan put his hand over my head and prayed that I had a successful semester. I felt very happy when he did that because I'm just tired of school at this point. I just keep telling myself that it's my last year before I get my first degree next summer! YAY! *claps* lol. I'm honestly wiped. Last night I was thinking that I'm taking way too many classes I don't need (but are required) in order to get my degree. Statistics, Oceanography, and Environmental Biology (just to name a few) for a Religious Studies/Creative Writing major? That makes sense... *shakes head* No. lol. St. Thomas Aquinas will be getting prayers asking for his intercession from me. Oh yes, he is. lol. I am also taking the holy/prayer card I have of him with me. *sigh* I think this might be my last blog before I start school on Monday. I don't know what my plans are for tomorrow but we'll see. Fingers crossed I won't be a nervous wreck tomorrow. Haha! :D

Alright, well, that's it for today. Yeah, kind of boring. Sorry. :D 'Til next time, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

P.S. This may be one of the best videos I've ever seen.

.

Where Are the Morally Correct Novels/Movies?; I Dreamt What? Babies?!

My mini road trips were cut short today because the gas prices are INSANE ($4.36 per gallon... with what's left of my misc. spending money? Pfft!) but I did get the most important things done, so WHOOO! :D lol. One of my trips took me to my college, which is a few blocks from the beach. I absolutely love it out there! It felt nice to be out there... and I'm not just saying that because I'm both close to the beach and because I'll be taking courses I'm actually excited about. Actually, I am surprised that I will be able to take Religion courses because they weren't offered when I first applied, many moons ago. And, what I was surprised to see... right across the street there is a Christian Book Store. I had to do a double take. It's interesting to see the area more religious than when I remembered it. I'll have to visit that store on one of my breaks between classes. One thing that store (as well as a conversation I had with my sis) got me thinking about how you don't really hear about many morally correct novels and movies in the mainstream.

Of course, if you look and ask around, you'll find that there are some out there but they don't get much publicity and seem to be more "underground" than anything. It stinks. Sure, there are a few exceptions like the blockbuster that was The Chronicles of Narnia and indie Bella, but there aren't enough. For those reasons, I am writing the novels (well, novel and novel/screenplay) that I'm working on. So far, I've received positive feedback from those who have had a sneak preview of what I've written... which hopefully mean I am doing things correctly. One thing I don't want is the stories to be overly preachy (because I know people tend to stay away from those) but I still want the messages to come out loud and clear without being overbearing. I have yet to finish either novel but I am definitely getting more done than I expected. And, I have to admit, I definitely watch Bella when I need to stay in that particular frame of mind (though the stories are very different). I promise to post a preview of both novels as soon as I'm done with everything, including editing. :)

As for whether I will ever have the screenplay made into an actual film, I am still undecided. I will definitely option it to a certain film company (because I trust them to do the right thing with it) but it's way too early to see what happens. I'll keep y'all updated if anything happens. And, while I'm still on the topic of films, if you want to find more good Catholic/Christian films (or films reviewed from a morally correct point of view), you can check out the site Soul Food Cinema. (See, Mark, I'm giving you free publicity! lol.)

One last thing before I call it a day on today's blog... I had the weirdest dream... in a good-ish way. lol. It wasn't a saint dream but I could've sworn there was a nun in the delivery room. Yes, you read that right. I had a dream that I was not only pregnant, I even gave birth. It was the WEIRDEST thing ever. I went through the whole thing -- asking for epidural and all (which I didn't get but didn't even need because I felt NO pain). In the end, I had the most beautiful little girl (curly brown ringlets and blue eyes). She was gorgeous! Anytime I've had baby dreams (I don't have them often) the babies have always had brown hair and blue or green eyes. I think the last time (2 years ago) I had twins and I named one of them Liam. And I know these dreams weird some of my friends out (the ones who've known me long enough) because I used to say that I didn't want children... at all. This is during my time away from the Church. Now, I think that being able to have children (or adopt children if you're not able to have them biologically) has to be the most beautiful thing in the world. Of course, no plans on having any in the near future because I have yet to find a nice, Catholic man that is crazy enough to even consider marrying me. I don't think anyone's that nuts. lol. Some day. If it's not my vocation to be a wife and mother, I'll hopefully be an elementary school teacher (as a sister) so I can at least teach them well. I love children, I think they're little jewels. I don't understand how some people want to have abortions but I won't jump into that topic because I'll be here forever if I do. lol.

Alright, well, I have a lot to do today... including trying to write more in my novels and read more of St. Teresa's autobiography. Hope everyone has/had a great day. Thanks for reading and God Bless.
.

Mass with Mariachi; (Possible) Nun Fighting Crime.

Early blog tonight because I have movie night with my mom this evening, not to mention a zillion other things to do before my extremely hectic day tomorrow. Seriously, if I make it through the chaos that is tomorrow, I can make it through anything! :D

I don't know if I mentioned it but my plans to have dad come to Mass with me hit a snag last Sunday. He felt that we (mom and I) were pressuring him to attend Mass and he refused. Yup, I'm definitely his daughter! lol. (I also become stubborn and refuse to do things when pressured). Anyway, he attended Mass with me today (whoo!) which was awesome... even though we got there at least 5 minutes late. Hey, I was ready on time but I am not the one in this household who can drive the car (the steering wheel is impossible for someone as small as me) so I had no other choice than to wait for dad to be ready. But, the important thing is that we made it to Mass! :D Next weekend, I hope to have both of my parents there with me (mom worked today). Anyway, today's Mass was in English BUT we had a mariachi band there, which made Mass ah-mazing! I believe they are a traveling Mariachi band from Tijuana, BC, Mexico. Their outfits are awesome -- with Our Lady of Guadalupe's image sown onto their shirts. It was kind of funny, though, because it was a Mass said in English but with Spanish hymns being sung. Probably more than half of the congregation didn't sing today because not all of us were bilingual. Oh man, the laughter I had to keep in... lol. It was fantastic though. I loved it. :D I highly recommend attending a Spanish Mass at least once in your lifetime, even if you don't understand Spanish, just to see what the vibe is like. It's totally unlike the English Masses. :D

I had to ask a good friend of mine if I could share the story of a conversation we had not too long ago (he said yes). We were discussing classes (since we'll be attending the same college for the next year; we'll both be done next summer) and I said something along the lines of how it was safe to say that I was probably the only person he knew who was majoring in Religious Studies. That led to talk about how we would have interesting philosophical conversations... and how he would know a nun (I mentioned I was thinking about considering the vocation since I still don't know what my vocation is). That then led to a conversation about how he would be fighting crime, injustice, evil, etc; and how he would need me (as a nun) to help him out. We would be kind of like super heroes. lol. I don't remember specific details about the rest of the conversation but it was hilarious. I can always count on my friends to make me laugh when I need cheering up. :D So, yeah, if it's my vocation to become a sister or nun and you hear of one who fights crime with her pseudo-brother (I call him my bro sometimes :D), that might be me. Of course, I say this with respect and without offense to those who are called to the vocation of religious life. I have nothing but the utmost respect for them. :D

Alright, well, I have quite a few forms to fill out for my (more than likely) exhausting day tomorrow so I should get to that so I can enjoy the rest of my evening. :D Oh, and I have been incredibly inspired lately so I am going to knock out quite a number of pages for my novel as well. It all makes me want to make a conga line as a form of celebration. lol.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.

P.S. A special hello to all my friends who are happy to see the "old" me back -- the me that was "Wonder Woman" prior to my anxiety debilitating me. :D Yeah, baby! lol.
.

Classes; More Pictures from the Mission; Soccer and Catholicism.

My apologies for taking a while to write another blog. Life has been that busy for me. I've even put my writing on hold for a few weeks but I am determined to get back to it today (as well as finishing St. Teresa of Avila's autobiography -- which I still haven't finished) because I start classes in about a month and I won't have much time after that.

Oh, and about that, I really lucked out and was able to return to a school I loved to finish my first degree (which I'll be done with next summer, whoo!). Just to give you an idea of how much school is going to take up my time -- I have History of Religion, Philosophy of Religion, Images of Women in Literature, and Environmental Biology courses. Translation: I will have A LOT of reading and writing to do for 3 and a half months. All I want is to make it through the semester alive. Seriously, that's all I want. I want to be able to make it through without having major issues with my anxiety or health (this is the first time in a while that I'll have to attend my courses in classrooms) and without being completely burnt out. Prayers to St. Dymphna and St. Thomas Aquinas will be said on a nightly basis. Anywho, I am not going to stress myself out with the thought of how much I am going to suffer (haha) by changing topics into a more pleasant one.

Mom and I went back to the San Fernando Mission last Sunday. It was A LOT more crowded than expected but it was still lovely to walk around and relax. We even got to rest on a bench in the Bob Hope Memorial Garden. It was a hot day so to sit under the shade, with flowers and roses surrounding us, feeling the cool breeze come in, smelling the fragrance of the flowers as the breeze swept by... it was very lovely. I took more pictures that I wasn't able to take the previous time (because I'd run out of room on the memory card) but was able to take this time around. So, without further ado, the pictures from the latest trip to the Mission:


Picture of Pope John Paul II (obviously not taken by me) from his visit in 1987; A sign explaining the picture; A letter showing that the Pope did in fact come to L.A. when I was a baby (therefore I remember zip!).


A paint of the Madonna and Child Jesus that's inside the Convento (convent).


Angels at the beginning of a path that leads from the Convento to the side of the West Garden.


The path leads to the West Garden with a view of the Old Mission Church (tall building) and the building where workshops were set to show what life was back in the day.


Candles inside the old Mission church. You press the top button and it lights up. You can't shut it off, though. It'll do it itself. I tried. lol.


A smaller fountain hidden, near the entrance of the Bob Hope Memorial Garden.


A river/waterfall/creek thing inside the Bob Hope memorial garden. I'm a city girl, sue me. lol. It's so NICE in there.


Statue of Blessed Juniper Serra, the founder of the California Missions, with an native child; The plaque below the statue.

I hope y'all have enjoyed the pictures. Sorry, I go "tag happy" because I don't like other people taking credit (or not giving credit) when they take the pictures.

I have A LOT to do today, but before I go I just want to say how HAPPY I am to keep finding little connections between soccer and Catholicism. As I mentioned in the previous entry, I just found out (a week ago-ish) that a professional soccer player decided to quit his team to become a Catholic priest. How awesome is that?! Chase Hilgenbrinck played for the New England Revolution (and I am almost positive that I got to watch the final game he played with them) but, as stated in the Catholic News Agency website, he explained: "After years of discernment, I feel strongly that the Lord has called me to become a priest in the Catholic Church. Playing professional soccer has been my passion for a long time and I feel blessed to have successfully lived out this dream. My passion now is to do the will of God, which is wanting only what He wants for me. Though I will miss the game of soccer, I know that I am moving on to something much greater." You can read more about his story here (Soccer pro retires to pursue Catholic priesthood). Chase is truly an inspiration and I wish him nothing but the best. And all of this reminds me of Eddie Gaven, of the Columbus Crew (the other MLS team I love), and the rest of the members of Catholic Athletes for Christ. Though their vocation isn't the priesthood or other religious order, they still inspire other young, Catholic athletes not to be ashamed of their faith because, as sad as it is, it's becoming increasingly "uncool" to talk about your faith with friends as you're growing up. I say that anything negative anyone has to say about me regard my religion means bupkis to me. (And bupkis is a Yiddish term for "nothing") lol. In fact, I'm gonna be proud to say that I'm a Religious Studies major when I go back to school next month. So there. lol.

Alright, well, I've written a lot. Sorry. lol. I am going to go write, and read, and just relax and make the most of what is left of my summer vacation. Hopefully no more heavy weeks because I have a month left of freedom and I want that freedom to last me because I won't have any for months. *groan* lol.

'Til next time, thanks for reading and God Bless.
.

Is it Possible To Ask Too Many Saints for their Intercession?

So, I have this slight dilemma. The whole world is my oyster, and I have no idea what to do. On the education front: I had a school I was set to attend this Fall all but, for reasons I will never understand, it fell through. Although I'm VERY disappointed that I won't be attending this particular school, I understand that there HAS to be a reason why I didn't end up going there. As I said to the Lord a few weeks ago when I was praying, I am putting myself completely in his hands, so I know that whatever ends up happening will be for the best. I will also ask St. Thomas Aquinas for his intercession in hopes that he and God guide me to the school I will attend to finish my degree... if I am to finish my Bachelor's degree.

See, it would be done if I only had the one problem... but it's not simple. Is it ever that easy? lol. Not only do I not know what to do in terms of my education, I have NO CLUE what I am to do as a vocation. I am mentally set on becoming a writer but what if it doesn't work out? There are so many things I'd consider doing -- becoming a Religious Studies teacher for elementary school children is getting closer to the top of list -- that I have no clue what direction to go in. I could ask St. Jude Thaddeus (my patron saint) to help since he IS the patron saint of hopeless causes, but I feel bad asking his intercession because I've already asked way too much years ago.

Then there's other issues like my anxiety (St. Dymphna helps me with that) and my overall health (Our Lady of Guadalupe is helping me with this one). There's a reason I have so many patron saints (though I usually count on 2 - 3 for most things). This caused me to think... is it possible to ask too many saints for their intercessions? I mean, each saint is a patron of a particular thing. It makes sense to me (and I might be the only one who thinks this way) to ask them depending on what their patronage is. I have to go talk to Fr. Leo about this because I have absolutely no clue. Do we just get one patron saint and go to them for everything (like I used to do with St. Jude)? Is it okay to ask more than one at the same time? If anyone knows the answer to that, please feel free to enlighten me because I haven't gotten the slightest of clues. lol.

Hmm. It's definitely something I will think about after I pray the Rosary tonight. And, speaking of that, I will go eat and then do that before the day ends. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
.

Cancer News, Greetings from Germany, Change of Plans and Dreams.

First off, I want to give a big WHOOOOOOOOOO!!! because my father has been declared cancer free!!! We just found out a few days ago but since I've been so busy, I haven't had the time. Either way, we're SO HAPPY for dad. He'd been in chemo for over a year and he was getting very tired. Hopefully he'll stay cancer free for the rest of his life because I don't know if he'll be able to make it through a third time. :( We've got to stay optimistic though. :D

Recently I received an early birthday present from a good friend who's currently living and working in Germany... and I can't open it. She specifically wrote that I can't open it for another couple of days. Boo! lol. I'm going to have to give it to mom to hold because I'm too weak to wait. Haha. Hey, I know my weaknesses... this certainly is one. lol. Anyway, it's exciting for me to get stuff from Germany because I love the country and I might be going out there soon. See, my friend in Germany and I have been planning for my trip out there for a year now. Since I was planning on attending a private Catholic college, I had told her that I wouldn't be able to go because of the tuition (which would've been about $32,000 a year!) but since ALL MY PLANS CHANGES, I might be able to go now. Yay!

And speaking of change of plans... I had absolutely NO say in the matter. Due to the recession going on we're making some major sacrifices in the family... and mine had to be my education. Again, I had NO say in what happened. All I know is that one day my parents were all "We support you in whatever you decide to do. We'll help you pay for college" and then the next "We're not going to sign a loan and you can't afford to pay for it yourself so I guess you're not going." Yes, just like that. It completely stinks! So, now I have to enroll at a community college because there's NO WAY I'm going waste time and not further my studies. I already have my schedule planned as well. I have 5 courses which would seem like a heavy load except that I've taken two already (need to take it twice to get credit -- even if I got an A the first time, I need another one this time around). I'm going to have to re-apply to other schools in a few months, as well as scholarships because, sad as it is, I know my parents won't help me pay for school and it's all up to me to come up for the money for tuition. I am definitely still going for my Religious Studies degree (I've decided to become a teacher and teach RST if I don't make it as an author), Catholic college or no Catholic college. I still want to attend one but if it's not in God's plans for me (as this previous school almost was), then I can't change it.

Something my sister D said about my change of plans really stuck with me. She said that maybe God has bigger plans for me that don't involve a college degree because Lord knows how long I've been trying to finish my Bachelor's. So maybe He does have bigger plans for me. Maybe my dream of being a writer is my destiny. You certainly don't need a degree to be an author and I get more work done when I'm not in school. I don't know but I've put myself in His hands and I know He'll point me in the right direction.

And maybe there's clues in my dreams. Yes, we're not supposed to read into our dreams but I've been having some pretty wild ones lately. A few days ago I had a dream that California had an earthquake followed by a tsunami wave. I was caught in the wave (while in a car, under a bridge) but somehow managed to swim rather quickly up to top of this tall building and save my little brother (which I don't have in real life) in the process. Yesterday I had a dream that California was about to have a 7.0 earthquake. I also dreamt I was against people who did magic to get gain things and had St. Teresa of Avila and San Benito (or St. Benedict in English) who is the patron saint against witchcraft. I've been having a lot of dreams that feature Pope Benedict XVI. I have a feeling I'm having these dreams for a reason, but I don't know what this reason is. Only time will tell.

Alright, well, I am exhausted (been a bit sick with a stomach thing the past few days) so I should go to sleep since it's almost half past midnight. 'Til next time, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
.

Excitement!, Christian Music, Rock the Cradle, and Football (Soccer) Season.

I received very exciting news today... I got re-accepted to the only college I applied to for transfer. I originally got accepted last Fall to enter this past January but illness kept me out so I had to re-apply to get re-accepted. I had a bunch of problems this time around -- most likely because there are so many applicants to enter in the Fall. I submitted all my transcripts and other things almost 2 months ago (would've been 2 months in 2 days) but they had problems getting it into the system and didn't get a decision up until early today (it's still Thursday here). I actually got a call from my new counselor to tell me the news because I'd been bugging me about my admission status for a while now. Haha. Well, I am relieved that I will have a place to continue my Religious Studies education. I'm so happy that I'll be able to focus on Catholicism and take courses such as "Spiritual Journey of Women." It just feels like I'm going in the right direction and I am sure it'll help me further along with my writing. And, speaking of writing, I'll also be studying Creative Writing (which is my minor) so I'm lucky that I can study what I truly love. :D I am already thinking about my senior thesis, although it's 2 years until I get there but I have an idea of what I want my thesis to be about. Hint, it involves St. Teresa of Avila, St. John of the Cross and St. Augustine amongst other saints.

I will also be able to take music courses if I like. I love music. Plain as that. I've loved music since I was a baby. In fact, I carried around a toy guitar because I wanted a real one but was too little for it. I've explored almost every genre known to man but I've felt more connected to classical and jazz. I came into those on my own, without anyone introducing me to those genres. Lately I've been exploring a bit of Christian music, which I've felt a bit uncomfortable with before. I don't know why I just couldn't really get into it before. Then came along Mute Math and Britt Nicole and I've been slowly exploring other artists. I don't know why I was hesitant to give it a try before. I still don't like all the artists I come across but that's natural in every genre. I don't love all jazz artists though I do a majority of it. I can't sit through some classical songs. I've re-discovered some artists which I didn't know where Christian in the first place and I am digging it. lol. If anyone has other artist they'd like to recommend, please leave me a comment with the names.

And, speaking a bit more about music... I just watched the first episode of MTV's "Rock the Cradle." Now, I don't like MTV because we all know what kinds of shows are on there and how some of them are just... *shudders*. I tuned it mainly because I was curious to see the offspring of different artists perform. I was impressed with some... not so much with others. I LOVED Lucy Walsh and Crosby Loggins. Lucy deserved her score but I felt Crosby should've taken the top spot. I loved his voice and thought the Elvis Costello song was a great choice for him. If either don't win this thing, I won't be a happy camper. If I tune to that *shudders* channel again, it'll only be to watch an episode of this show and once it's over, good luck trying to get me to watch it again.

One more thing for I end this entry (it's past midnight and I still have a few things to do before I fall asleep)... I am SO happy that the MLS Season has finally started. Last week was the first week of this season and poor L.A. Galaxy crashed and burned. To be fair, Landon Donovan and Becks hadn't had much time to rest from international duty so it was understandable why they didn't do too well. The rest of the team... they lacked hustel. Carlos Ruiz did well but ended up getting injured when that idiot took him down (he's now out for 4-6 weeks). Last night's game... SO MUCH better. It was the Galaxy that I missed seeing. We totally deserved to win this game and am happy Becks and Landon got their goals. In this house, there's only 2 Galaxy players we honestly root for -- Becks and Landon. I also like Gordon and Klein but Becks and Landon are the only ones dad and I agree on.

It's the same with Liverpool -- we can only agree on two players: Gerrard and Torres. Dad's a Crouch fan, I'm a massive Agger fan. We both think Babel's good but sometimes we aren't too sure about him. Give us the rest of this season to make our decision. And, speaking of my Red men... I am so glad they got that away goal at Arsenal during the first leg of the Champions League quarterfinals. I am hoping and will definitely pray that they advance to the semi's and final. If there's one competition I look forward to the most at the beginning of this season, it's the Champions League. The Premier League's great too but the CL is my favorite because you get the top teams of other European leagues as well. Does anyone know the patron saint of sports or athletes? I've always wanted to know but haven't quite figured out.

Alright, well, it's nearly half past midnight and need to read a couple of pages in St. Teresa's autobiography among other things. I have a pretty early day today so, I need to get to bed as soon as I possibly can.

Thanks for reading and God Bless!

Panic, California's Homeschooling Problem, and College.

I'm terribly sorry it's, once again, taken me days to write a blog. I should confess that most of the time when I say I'm sick and it takes me days to write it's because I'm usually physically drained and recovering from the aftermath of panic attacks.

I was doing VERY well up until Monday when I had one of the worst panic attacks I've had in a while. Basically, I was in a crammed bus (they pack people like sardines on buses here) and I started getting a panic attack. Then, some snot-nosed little kid wouldn't give me the seat a gentleman offered to me when he saw I was about to pass out. I mean, I was sobbing, holding onto the metal railing on the bus like my life depended on it, and the kid sat down on the seat the second the man stood up. My mom politely asked him if I could have the seat because I was about to pass out and the kid gave my mother major attitude (along with a couple of not so nice words) and I stood the entire ride home. Even the kid's mother gave me the most evil stare. If looks could kill... eesh. The entire time I was thinking "excuse me for wanting to sit when I feel like my legs are going to give in, under me." Anyway, from that day, I've been at home recovering from the residue the panic attack left. It's such a pain in my tush. Sometimes it feels like a cold is coming on so I can never tell if I'm actually getting a cold or am still physically drained from panicking. I'm hoping it's not a cold because it's the last thing I need right now.

I'm also thinking that it didn't help that I saw an old classmate of mine on Monday, prior to the incident. He and I used to be at odds my freshman (or was is sophomore?) year of high school. He was the popular, football (American football) guy who was just a little too cocky for his own good. We once had a bet, which he lost, when I wanted to show him that he goes a little too far assuming he can get anything he wants. That was so funny to watch too. lol. Anyway, when I left public school I left with an urge to kick him in the tush but I never did. When I saw him this past Monday, those feelings came back because he still looked at me like I was nothing and he was the almighty guy that is better than everyone else. I'm just glad I have self control and am a pacifist because I would've kicked him if I weren't. lol.

Another thing that ticks me off... the Californian government has taken away the parents' rights to have their children. That's right... homeschooling will become ILLEGAL in the state of California. ARE THEY FREAKING KIDDING ME?! That's complete bull. I feel like writing to whoever is responsible and giving them a piece of my mind. I seriously feel like I have to do something about this because I'm living proof that public education is incredibly flawed. I was in the Los Angeles Unified School District for 10 years... which was utter crap (pardon my language). We never learned anything because they repeated the same things every year. I tested into college level English when I was a 14 year-old but they wouldn't let me take anything besides Shakespeare (which was for only one semester) so I spent a long time not taking a proper English course because they didn't know where to place me. The college courses I did take at 14 (Shakespeare and a Criminal Law course) didn't transfer when I went into college because they withheld all the classes I'd done. Why did they do that? Because I left the school to an independent study/homeschooling charter. In fact, all the classes I did at the public school were basically erased and wouldn't give the charter program my grades so I had to do a lot of the courses twice. I was absolutely miserable my entire educational career at public schools.

I actually developed anxiety in high school, at 14-15, because of a former History teacher I had. He used to humiliate me on a daily basis and no matter what I did, he wouldn't let me get ahead or do well. I remember when I wrote a 17 page research paper on Susan B. Anthony and he just ripped it up and gave me a fail. He'd also done that once before, in front of a teacher who didn't even report him. He was also, by far, the most perverted man I've ever met. He had absolutely no right speaking about the things he used to talk about in class. That kind of material isn't even appropriate for college students, much less a bunch of 14 years-olds. He would also tell us not to tell anyone what he said in class because he knew he'd get into major trouble. I had a lot of problems with teachers from ages 5 to 15 (I left public school at 15) because the a good portion of the professors in the LAUSD suck. Plain in simple.

I've had teachers fail me (in junior high and freshman year of high school) simply because they didn't like me or because they were racist. Oh yes, I dealt with a teacher in 8th grade who was racist towards Hispanic students. I once said it, very passing and nowhere near her, how she was being racist against our little group and this one girl ratted me out and said out loud, "Mrs. *insert name*, *insert my name* just called you a racist." I didn't back down or deny I said it. I went to detention (my first and only time) but wasn't suspended because they later found out I was saying the truth. Either way, public school sucks and to deny parents the right to teach their children at home is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

How does the government know that the children aren't being home-schooled because they're sick and can't attend school like a normal child? How do they know that the parent is so ill they can't take their children to school? They don't! Where, in our Constitution, does it say that parents can't make the decisions on what their children learn? They teach sexual subjects as young as 4th grade (to 8-9 year olds). They teach about evolution and other things religions (not just the Catholic one) don't believe in. And, if you say you don't believe in it... teachers will fail you or mark your grade down (I'm taking from experience). I was lucky enough to find my ways around the sex ed because I sincerely see no point in learning about contraceptives, at age 12... or at any age, period.

Sorry, I went on a mini rant but this is something I'm passionate about. I will find a way to get involved in making sure they allow parents to home-school their children. It's not in my plans to stay here when I get married and have my kids, and I certainly don't want them raised here, but I still want to make sure other people have options. First, they took our (college students') funds and cut them significantly... now they want to bully parents into enrolling their children into schools that are horrible? Smart move, California! (and yes, I said it with sarcasm).

Okay, I will stop the ranting. lol. I will say, however, that all of this has made me rethink whether or not I will finish college. I mean, I absolutely want to get my degree in Religious Studies and English and use that to help other people but I no longer know if I have the drive to continue my studies. Maybe I'm burnt out. Maybe all the injustice is making me angry at the educational system in this state. I don't know. I will give the Fall semester a try and then I'll take it from there. I really hope that God will guide me into the right direction because I have absolutely no idea what I will do in regards to my future education. Maybe I'll ask St. Thomas Aquinas to intercede for me. Or I could ask St. Teresa of Avila. After all, she's the patron saint of writers and, I feel, my kindred.

Oh yeah, and speaking of writing, the novel is coming along now that I've overcome the writer's block. Whoo! :D

Alright, well, that's all for tonight. I feel really fatigued so I should try to get some sleep soon. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Spring Weather, Chemo News and Childhood (Nun) Dreams.

Today we had BEAUTIFUL Spring weather... in winter. lol. You have to love Southern California weather! It's been warm (but very windy) the past couple of days but today was the perfect combination of cool breezy wind, warmth, sun, and a cloudless blue sky. It's making me wish it was Spring already... and not just because my birthday's in Spring. lol. I am so happy my alarm didn't go off yesterday forcing to do run some errands today. I felt very happy driving around the city, the sun making me feel warm and slighty fuzzy (haha). I hope tomorrow we get a similar day because I'm going to be out quite a bit again. *happy sigh* I love this kind of weather... even though it gets freezing as soon as the sun goes down. lol. :D

I am VERY excited that both my dad and one of my best girl friends are almost done with their chemo! WHOO! Dad has about 7 milligrams of cancer left in his system (it'd spread to his lungs and also pancrease, I think -- I really didn't know it had spread until recently) so he's almost out. My friend also has her last chemo soon! All I have to say is THANK GOD! Thank God and thanks to everyone who prayed for my dad's recovery!! Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much!! *relieved* Now, I'm even more determined to keep all the promises I made for my dad's recovery.

I was talking with my mom today and I asked her if I wanted to be a nun when I was little (I have a faint memory of me saying I did). She said I kept saying that when I grew up I was going to be a nun and that was that. lol. I also brought up this topic with one of my best friends -- about how I haven't completely ruled out this vocation. While I very much want to have a family (a baby or two and a caring, Catholic -- must be Catholic! -- husband) it doesn't necessarily mean it'll happen. Though I have yet to really research and look into the vocation, I've always liked the idea of being a nun. Again (and to sound slight broken record-ish), I want a family but will always have it in the back of my mind if things don't work out for me... that is, if after I research it, and after I get done with my Religion Studies bachelor's degree, I still think it would be a good step for me.

Okay, well, I hate to make this blog uber short (and wait a bit longer to write about my plans/news) but I was supposed to be in bed an hour ago (haha, oops!). I am going to morning confessions because I'll be busy during the afternoon and evening... and thus, I need to sleep early for my busy day. For now... thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Big Brother, Post Office Mayhem, and Semester Abroad.

Today was a very happy day because my big brother came to pay a surprise visit. It was funny; just as my dad was leaving and walking out the door, my bro just popped up and said hi. Heehee. He also came bearing gifts from his holiday vacation in Mexico. He spent a few weeks visiting family out there. It's always nice to hear how everyone's doing 'cause I haven't been out there since I was about 12 years old. He says that, unfortunately, it's getting worse in terms of crime and police violence. It's so sad to hear that because (where my dad's from) it's such a quaint little town with the most beautiful church and town square. Sounds like we should avoid visiting, though, because it's not safe. Hopefully things will get better when/if I decide to go visit my dad's side of the family. It's incredibly sad that we don't just hear about what's going from family; we hear it on the news all the time. :( Let's just hope the little town doesn't super crowded with people (at least, not bad people) like a certain post office I know.

I don't know what's going on with the post office. Last October, I had an invite (from the U.K.) to an event but it arrived a month after the event. I should probably mention that it was sent in advance, too. One of my best friends, who's also in the U.K., sent me a Christmas card and it's been 3 weeks and I haven't gotten anything. That's not all. Last month (and the month before) we didn't get our mail delivered for weeks and I'd have to call and complain. I hate being a hassle but I had important things like bills that needed to be paid. The person in charge of mail distribution got to know me very well from all the calling I did. lol. They were never mad at me for doing it, which is good. If you want to go to the post office near my home it's better to do it mid-morning when there's no people because it gets PACKED very early and in the afternoon. I had to send some packages today and the line was to the door and then it looped around a bit. It was insane. It didn't help that it was freezing outside. Luckily I was dressed warm enough not to stand there shaking but, oy! It's always a nightmare going there because of the long lines. I have to go back tomorrow (oh yes, more packages to send) and I am not exactly looking forward to it. Hopefully I can go earlier... and this time I won't wear my stiletto boots. I only had them on for about 30 minutes but my feet aren't too happy with me. lol. I'm not used to heels (haven't worn any since New Year 2007) but those boots are so warm... I made the sacrifice. lol.

Another sacrifice I will be making in a couple of months... leaving my beloved Queen sized bed for a semester abroad. Oh, dear comfy bed, I shall miss you. lol. It's going to be completely worth it, though. I am mostly likely going to head out to Europe (I still have to choose a school and let them know a.s.a.p.) It looks like I'm mostly likely going to head out to Rome because of my major (Religious Studies with an emphasis on Catholicism). I am going to have to brush up on my Italian -- and learn some self defense, lol -- but being that close to the Vatican is going to be worth it. I was actually planning on going out there once I graduated but now I have the perfect opportunity/excuse to go beforehand so... Score! lol. I also want to take a trip up to Assisi while I'm out there. I'm now a little too excited now. lol. I think I'm going to go do a happy dance so I'm going to end this blog now.

Hope everyone's keeping warm. Thanks for reading and God Bless.