Why I Decided to Share This Decision With You

I wasn't going to do it. I was going to wait until I was finished to drop the big surprise on everyone. On this blog, I've talked about a "new chapter" and a new long-time project but very few (we're talking probably a handful of) people knew what I was talking about it. Then last week happened and God made me see that I'd made my decision to not say anything partly out of fear of failing horribly and partly due to pride. What a prideful moment I would've had in telling y'all that I (God willing) finished something this big. However, I could feel God telling me, "Share it. You could use the prayers. No lady is an island." So, here it goes...

I returned to Utah State to finish my second Bachelor of Science in Communicative Disorders and Deaf Education late last month. It was not a decision I made on a whim nor one that I took lightly. As some of you may remember, I felt like I had no clarity about what I was meant to do with my life at that time. When I made the decision to take a leave of absence in early May, I thought I was done. I thought I wasn't going to return to finish the degree... yet something in me didn't want me to leave the school completely. I asked for some time off while I figured things out. I didn't want to burden myself with more student loans and I had a slew of other reasons to not continue... except that I had one good reason to continue: it seems to be what God is calling me to do.

I actually took nearly an entire month to be sure that it was what God was calling me to do. I did a couple of novenas but the one that really gave me a huge result was the Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati novena Mom and I made for both my health and my clarity of mind since both were answered within a week of each other.

It started with getting those amazing health results towards the end of May. Then I had this big "Eureka!" moment during which I felt like God opened my eyes. I was honest with myself about what I wanted; what I felt called to do. It was when I honestly said (and told some of my closest friends) that I felt like my future will be me focusing on my family and not so much a career that I figured everything else out. In order to do what I feel called to do, I need to pay off my student loans... and what better way to do that than with a career that is in demand, especially for someone who is fluent in both English and Spanish? Not only that, I will learn to work with children, with whom I don't have a lot of experience with since most of my friends have moved away and I don't get a lot of time with my nieces and/or nephews.

I forgot who said it -- possibly St. Francis de Sales or Bl. PGF -- but I remember reading a saint's own words about how sometimes we need to do what feels like a chore in order to be able to get to what we feel called to do. St. Therese of Lisieux had to wait a while before she could enter the convent. Other saints have had to do other things before they were able to begin fulfilling their vocations. I am no saint (though I aspire to be one someday) but knowing that those much holier than I have had to wait and have had to do work they didn't want to do (and offer it up along the way) in order to achieve their goal made me want to push forward.

I'm not going to pretend that my career path was chosen solely out of selflessness because that would be dishonest. Don't get me wrong, I actually like this career path. I initially chose it because I wanted to help children with speech impediments and it's still a big reason why I'm going forward. I enjoy giving the Goldman-Fristoe Test of Articulation (probably my favorite thing to do in the assessment process). The big kid in me loves being able to incorporate play (like, actual boardgames and toys) into therapy sessions that help a child learn how to speak more clearly. I loved my little group of 3 to 5-year-old little guys when I did some of my observation hours at a private practice. However, I also know that the (current) biggest motivator is being able to pay off my student loans. It may make me sound terrible but that's the honest answer. I love the path God has me on now... but I'm working on something greater than a career.

I still believe that God is calling me to be a wife and mother someday. It is still a dream of mine to educate my future children at home if it's God's will. I don't feel like I'm called to make speech-language pathology a long-term career (I feel like God has other plans in store for me in the future; plans that involve writing and/or being a speaker) so I won't be pursuing a Master's in this field. Once I finish this degree and do my state-mandated hours for my license, I'm calling time on my academic career. I do, however, feel like this is where God wants me right now so I'm just going to go forward and see what else God has in store for me in the future.

I wasn't lying when I said this was a new chapter for me. It is a new chapter since I'm doing things much differently this time around. I'm not ashamed to say that I have disability accommodations due to my PTSD. These accommodations allow me to get extra time on my exams so that I don't have a panic attack and blank out during exams. Oh, yes, that's been happening since I started the program 3 years ago; the little time we're given during exams trigger the fight or flight response in me. The memories of teachers (yes, teachers) and fellow students harassing me in front of everyone will always be in the back of my mind when I start feeling anxious/trapped in something school-related so the extra time allows me to take a moment to breathe and relax so I can continue taking the exam without worrying about not finishing it on time. I already witnessed how helpful it was when I did my first big exam this past weekend. I didn't do as well as I would've liked but, considering how poorly I felt (I had slept almost all day the day before and the day of the exam), I'm grateful for the grade I received and for the extra time which helped me focus on the big essay portion of the exam which was worth the most points.

Yes, I'm re-taking a class for the third time (y'all should see how many of us are repeating this one particular course) and that's humbling but that's okay. I needed to be humbled after how proud I was of my past academic successes. Perhaps that's why I also felt called to share this with y'all; to make sure I didn't fall back into that pride... and because, yes, I will need all the prayers I can get this and next semester.

This semester I'm taking three courses: the second and third hardest courses in the program (the hardest course is scheduled for the Spring semester) along with another one. I'm already incredibly overwhelmed by the amount of work and the amount of memorization I've had to do in the first couple of weeks. It didn't help that I was out of it for three straight days -- the entire weekend -- when I had my first big exam which made it difficult to recall the lectures I'd watched and the notes I'd taken. This is going to be a tough road -- one that I hope to finish (with a completed degree) in late April-early May (depending on when my final exams are scheduled).

As I told God before my exam on Friday night, I won't insult Him by asking Him to perform miracles if I don't put the effort to study myself. I'm not going to say "Oh, please let me pass... even if I don't study." No. That's why I've accepted my 64% on my first exam. I wasn't able to study as I would've liked, partly due to procrastination and some distractions but also because I've been sick. However, I do have the motivation to do and finish well now that I've gotten that score. It was the thing that kicked started my motivation because I had practically none for the first 2-3 weeks of the semester.

I know what I'm capable of (when I'm healthy) so I'm going to try to take care of myself and study as much as I can. This is where prayer comes in. I was somehow able to focus on the essay despite feeling as crummy as I did and I did so much better than I was anticipating. I know it was all God (thanks to the intercession of the Holy Spirit and St. Jude) because I actually felt alert that hour it took me to finish the exam. After that? Back to sleeping all day. In fact, I've still not recovered. I've still been sleeping all day (or barely sleeping like last night) and I have another big exam this weekend and 5 quizzes so, you know, back to praying that my health cooperates with me for this upcoming Friday's big exam/quiz bonanza... and the two big exams I have next week.

If it's His will that I finish this degree, I will. If not, I won't. St. Francis de Sales has been popping up in my life a lot in recent months and, despite not continuing with the third novel, I still have the ghostwriting gig (which, thankfully, the woman whose life story I'm writing is telling me to do when I have free time from schoolwork). I think more writing is in my future but, for now, my focus is on this degree and whatever comes from it.

So, there you have it. This is the big secret I was carrying around with me that I'd alluded to these past couple of months. In your charity, I ask you to please keep me in your prayers. Like I said, my health decided to mess around with me again (and it just began going down again only two weeks before the semester began after an unusually healthy summer -- lightheadedness and dizziness excluded) and this may just be my toughest semester (coursework and exam wise) of this program.

I may not write again until I get caught up with my studying and exams (I completely lost the first 3 weeks). After the 30th of this month, my coursework schedule should slow down a bit but I probably won't blog more than once or twice more before then. We'll see what God has in store for me.

I hope you all had a lovely weekend and have a great week. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

I Began Reverting to the Faith a Decade Ago This Month

Mom found an old box with receipts from a decade ago. This wouldn't seem like a big deal -- we all hold onto receipts for a long time -- but it's quite significant for me because the box contains all the doctors and hospital bills I racked up in 2006-2007. The bulk of it was from the summer of 2006 when they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I still remember it vividly...

Shortly after I turned 21 -- and around the time the 2006 World Cup (in Germany) started -- I began getting seriously sick. I would faint while taking showers. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was constantly nauseous. I had little appetite. I felt like I was going to have heart attacks randomly. I would "black out" (literally see black wash over my eyes) at random times. Blood work always came back fine. I would occasionally be slightly dehydrated but nothing to worry about it. "If she continues like this, she's not going to make it too long," I heard someone tell my parents. 

In those days, no one thought it was severe anxiety and PTSD. In fact, PTSD wasn't diagnosed until several years later. The doctors didn't even consider severe anxiety as a possible diagnosis. No one thought it was because the friends I had were mentally and emotionally abusing me. I didn't realize it myself. After a stint in the hospital (I spent 3 out of 5 days in a single week in and out of the hospital), the girls kept calling and harassing me. My parents were livid to say the least. It wasn't until my mother ordered that my social media accounts (in those days: Facebook and Myspace) be shut down and I cut off everyone (EVERYONE) from my life that things began to improve... but it took months. 

Spoiler alert: if you've read the first Will and Lina novel, this was one of the few things that I personally experienced that I wrote into the book for one of the characters. Candace was based on several of the girls that caused problems for me.

In the meantime, in June 2006, I began praying to St. Jude, the patron of difficult cases. My mom mentioned him. I was up for trying anything at that point. I wasn't remotely religious despite being a "cradle Catholic." I wanted to get well. I wanted them to figure out what was going on with me. I bargained (newbie mistake), if I got better, I'd stay in Los Angeles for school rather than leave for England like it was planned. Though I'd set my heart on Bath Spa University (yes, that's the actual name of it), I would stay put. Bargaining due to being poorly catechized, folks. Whatever. I began to see results. I started getting better. Not only that, my curiosity was intrigued. "You mean prayer works?" The seeds were planted. It was slow but by late September 2006 I'd fully embraced my faith and "officially" returned.

There some things from a decade ago that I want to regain. I feel like I've become overly cautious and serious. I wasn't always like this. I used to be described as "bubbly" and was just slightly more sociable (though always more introverted than extroverted) but I lost that after what I went through with the girls. This is something I've been working on in recent months and will continue to work on. These girls no longer have any power over me and I want to get back those aspects of myself that I miss. Still, I wouldn't trade it for what I've learned. In a weird way, I'm grateful for everything that happened because it's led me to where I am. I like the person I've become. 

I'm happy to say that my reversion back to the faith began 10 years ago this week(ish); definitely this month. I thank God for the journey, even though it's been an incredibly difficult 10 years with my health issues, the death of my father, and all the other stuff that's happened. If my mom hadn't mentioned St. Jude to me one of those nights we were in the E.R. and I hadn't began praying, I'm fairly positive I wouldn't have been here, blogging about this.

Anyway, that's it for now. I just wanted to share this. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go back to destroying all those ugly memories of the girls who tormented me and the hospital stays I had a decade ago. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

St. Jude, My Reversion Intercessor

Happy feast day of St. Jude (and St. Simon!) For those who haven't been reading this blog long enough, you may not know that St. Jude played a huge role in my reversion. Since I'm crunched for time, I'm going to pull some of my past blog posts to help tell the complete story of how his intercession led to my reversion.

There are some of you who've been reading this blog for almost 8 years now (crazy!) so you may sort of know the story, but not in its entirety. I don't think I've ever written it out completely so... here we go.

I unofficially left the Church shortly after my confirmation at age 13 even though Mass attendance had been sporadic since I was about 11 years old. Yes, I was confirmed early. That itself will get its own blog post on St. Cecilia's feast day since it's also the anniversary of my confirmation. For now, let's just say that I spent the entirety of my teens away from the Church. As I explained in my post about why I remain Catholic (originally posted June 5, 2015), I was "Catholic" without practicing the faith or attending Mass. But I didn't know that I still held onto Catholic values until much later. In that time, I just knew that I was "Catholic" because I had gone through the whole baptism-first communion-confirmation process.

During that time... oh boy. I was going down the wrong path. I listened to terrible advice from people who meant well but really ingrained some terrible habits in me. My teen years (well, 13 through 19) are what I refer to as my "lost years." While I managed to avoid teenage rebellion (seriously, ask my mom) and barely survived my teens in one piece (avoided partying, drinking, drugs, and every other act of teenage debauchery you can think of; didn't even break curfew), there was a lot of damage done, interiorly. I was still going down the wrong path when I entered college but something happened between 19 and 21 that completely changed me.

First, at 19 and 20 was when I began to, basically, mature. It was a slow process (am I done yet? lol) but I began to see that there was more to life than going to concerts three times a week, more than the drama that some people live for, more than what my life was all about. I had received an offer to fully enter the entertainment business at 20 and I declined it. I've always been a people pleaser but 20 was when I began to stick up for myself and to pull myself away from the wrong crowd... and they didn't like that.

The mental and emotional abuse I received from my so-called friends was so bad that I ended up getting sick. I was an abnormally healthy child/teenager so it scared everyone. The doctors couldn't figure out what was going on with me (this was before they began attributing my symptoms to anxiety disorder). At one point (in the summer of 2006; shortly after I turned 21), I ended up in the E.R. three times in 5 days. As originally posted: October 28, 2010: "... I was so sick that things like 'she won't make it' and 'she has little time' were thrown around."

I began to pray for the first time since my teens. Mom was a fan of St. Jude's so I began to pray and ask for his intercession. Because I wasn't properly taught how to pray, I bargained. "Help me get healthier and I'll stay in L.A. for college. I'll go to a Catholic college." (side note: I was England-bound in those days; Bath Spa University was where I would've ended if I hadn't gotten sick and if my dad's cancer hadn't returned.) I somehow began to get healthier within the following two weeks or so, the so-called friends began disappearing, and so I kept my promises.

Having my prayers answered, my curiosity was piqued. What was Catholicism all about? I mean, really? Why were these prayers answered and not my last prayer? The faith of my childhood was so foreign to me at that point. I had wanted to be a nun when I was about 5-7 years old and I loved attending my catechism classes for my first communion but my confirmation was actually what made me step away from the Church. (Again, I'll share this story in a couple of weeks.) My inner academic nerd began researching and eventually it all just clicked for me. I basically renounced all my bad habits (some of which were just... horrifying) and made a personal vow to get rid of them as I learned more about the Faith. That eventually led to a complete 180.

Friends who knew me prior to my reversion can attest to the fact that I'm not the same person I was at 19/20. I mean, my core personality is still the same -- still goofy/silly, a bit reserved (bordering on shy in some situations), sensitive, I still love writing, and I still love helping people. That has never changed. But the little things that they were used to... gone. I'm so grateful to St. Jude for his intercession because it was through that answered prayer that I reverted back to Catholicism.

One more thing... are you wondering how this St. Jude statue got chipped? Here's the shortened version of the story (originally posted: December 27, 2007):
"This story takes place in mid-January 1994. I was about 8 years old at the time and I'd never experienced a real big earthquake before... I felt my dad picking me up from my bed, very abruptly, and I opened my eyes to see (and feel) everything shaking violently. Things were falling off the walls, glasses and china was breaking everywhere, if you've ever experienced an earthquake, you know what I'm talking about. Since this earthquake was a really big one, the lights went out almost immediately after the intense aftershocks started...

I don't remember too many details about what happened during the shaking except that the statue of St. Jude fell as soon as we (my parents and I) reached the doorway and were safe from anything falling on us... I was talking to my mom about... the St. Jude statue in my room. I very faintly remember (or think I remember) St. Jude's statue falling as soon as we got under the doorway and my mom confirmed it. Apparently, while all other things were falling around us there are three things that didn't fall: the statue of Santo Niño, the statue of St. Jude and the big framed picture of Our Lady of Guadalupe which was up on my bedroom wall. Now, the earthquake was a 6.7 on the richter scale, it was pretty intense. Windows shattered just by the shaking, yet the picture did not fall or get hurt in any way...

My mom says they (saints and Our Lady) were all looking out for us... We haven't experienced an earthquake that intense since, thank God, but every time we have experienced smaller earthquake (and/or aftershocks from nearby earthquakes) my mom grabs the St. Jude statues without even thinking about it. My dad grabs the statue of Our Lady and my mom grabs St. Jude... if I don't get to him before she does."

While my dad is no longer with us, we definitely still grab this St. Jude statue (chipped and all) when there's an earthquake / aftershock.

And, for the record, future husband -- I fully intend on giving our first born son the middle name of Jude after St. Jude. You have been warned. :-P

There you go -- the story of my reversion and of why this St. Jude statue (we've been given two more since) is chipped. :D

I hope y'all have a great rest of day and remember that St. Jude is a powerful intercessor that you should definitely not be afraid of reaching out to in difficult cases. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

St. Jude, My Reversion, and Earthquakes

Happy St. Jude (and St. Simon!) feast day! St. Jude is a huge reason why I reverted to the Faith so I thought I'd share the short (read: not detailed) story of how that happened.

Originally posted: October 28, 2010
"First off, I would not be here, writing this blog entry, if it wasn't for his intercession. A couple of years ago (side note: summer of 2006), when I was so sick that things like 'she won't make it' and 'she has little time' were thrown around, I began to pray. It's something I hadn't done in years since I'd drifted away from the Church during my teens. Since my mom was/is a huge St. Jude devotee I decided to ask his intercession. That was the beginning of my reversion... He has since interceded for me, as well as for many of my friends, countless time and I wholeheartedly recommend his novena whenever you're in a bind. I have never, ever, been let down and I don't doubt that if you ask his intercession, and if it's God's will, your prayers will be answered."

Wondering how St. Jude's statue got chipped? Here's the shortened version of the post explaining the story (originally posted: December 27, 2007):
"This story takes place in mid-January 1994. I was about 8 years old at the time and I'd never experienced a real big earthquake before... I felt my dad picking me up from my bed, very abruptly, and I opened my eyes to see (and feel) everything shaking violently. Things were falling off the walls, glasses and china was breaking everywhere, if you've ever experienced an earthquake, you know what I'm talking about. Since this earthquake was a really big one, the lights went out almost immediately after the intense aftershocks started... I don't remember too many details about what happened during the shaking except that the statue of St. Jude fell as soon as we (my parents and I) reached the doorway and were safe from anything falling on us... I was talking to my mom about... the St. Jude statue in my room. I very faintly remember (or think I remember) St. Jude's statue falling as soon as we got under the doorway and my mom confirmed it. Apparently, while all other things were falling around us there are three things that didn't fall: the statue of Santo Niño, the statue of St. Jude and the big framed picture of Our Lady of Guadalupe which was up on my bedroom wall. Now, the earthquake was a 6.7 on the richter scale, it was pretty intense. Windows shattered just by the shaking, yet the picture did not fall or get hurt in any way... My mom says they (saints and Our Lady) were all looking out for us... We haven't experienced an earthquake that intense since, thank God, but every time we have experienced smaller earthquake (and/or aftershocks from nearby earthquakes) my mom grabs the St. Jude statues without even thinking about it. My dad grabs the statue of Our Lady and my mom grabs St. Jude... if I don't get to him before she does."

And those are my stories. I hope those who haven't gotten acquainted with St. Jude will look into his story. Never be afraid to ask for his intercession; he's interceded for me and my friends in big ways in the past. :D

Alright, I have spiritual direction in an hour or so and I need to vamoose. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Our Lady of Guadalupe, My Family, and the '94 Northridge Earthquake

I took this picture a couple of years ago at my childhood parish around her feast day. :)

If you've been reader of this blog from the beginning, you may remember me mentioning this before but I am going to write a longer, more detailed version of this story. It's the feast day of Our Lady of Guadalupe so I think it's the appropriate day to do so.

My love of Our Lady started from a young age. I don't exactly remember how old I was but my parents saw the connection I had to her. I loved her and apparently I understood that she loved me before I even reached the age of reason. After a particularly curious event (which shall have to remain unknown to my readers for now; sorry), my parents decided to hang a picture of her in my room. I felt happy and at peace having her image in my room... and little did I know that the picture (and, really, Our Lady) would get me through the most terrifying event of my childhood.

I was 8 years old when the 1994 Northridge Earthquake occurred. I still remember every detail of it, even though it happened 20 years ago (next month). I remember my dad picking me up from the bed as the entire apartment shook violently. I remember being terrified as I'd never lived (and haven't since) such a powerful earthquake before. My parents and I were huddled in the middle of the apartment, under the door frames of the two bedrooms, holding onto the walls for support (and both holding onto me) because we were being thrown around with the shaking. It became pitch black before the worst of the shaking ended... but, before all the lights went out, I remember that both Our Lady and St. Jude brought comfort to us.

Almost everything was thrown off the walls and broken... except the huge framed picture of Our Lady in my room (where it still hangs to this day). Whilst everything around the room was on the floor (including other hanged photos), her picture stayed where it was, as if nothing had happened. (side note: the St. Jude statues in my room fell, but didn't break, until all three of us were safely under the door frames... and they should've been the first to fall as they are the most vulnerable to falling and breaking where they were placed.)

I was taking classes for my First Communion when this happened. My classroom at the parish was on the second floor and the entire floor (floor; not walls) collapsed. We ended up finishing up our classes in a neighboring parish and we actually did our First Communion in a huge tent that was set up in the parking lot since the parish was unsafe to use. (Earthquake happened in January and I did my First Communion that May). Despite the setback, we were still able to celebrate the occasion. Nothing -- not even a natural disaster -- would stop us from receiving such a wonderful sacrament.

I look back at what happened and how the picture stayed where it was and think about how it seems to have been a precursor to what was to come. I have had so many things jostle me around but my faith stays intact. Even though I was away from the Church from my teens through the age of 21 (and I actually reverted less than a month after my 21st birthday), I still managed to come back. My faith has gotten me through the hardest "shake up" of my life -- losing my father 4 years ago -- and still, I feel like Our Lady has stood beside me, holding my hand through it all.

It's funny how I've had such a "stormy" relationship with Our Lady for years. From my teens through about a year or so ago, I didn't feel particularly close to her because I didn't feel worthy enough to call her my Mother. I felt like I had failed her in so many ways -- especially when she interceded for me and I couldn't thank her in ways I wanted (and promised) to. I used to think to myself "how can she love me when I haven't been a good daughter?" It took me a long time to realize that she loves me despite how many times I may fail; and an even longer time to shake that feeling of not being worthy. I still don't think I am (and that could still be works of the Enemy as he hates Our Lady since she represents everything that is good and everything that he doesn't want for mankind) but knowing that she's with me (and intercedes for me) when I need her has been a great comfort in recent years.

So, that's my story. Sorry for the length but this was a post that was overdue!

Anyway, I hope you all had a wonderful feast day. For those of you who were lucky enough to attend a Mass, I hope your hearts were filled with as much love and joy as humanly possible. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Confession: I Have a Promise to Keep

So, 2012 didn't exactly go as I had planned. Sure, I graduated (which was a miracle considered the obstacles they threw at me) and I started my career as a writer (my dream job) but I didn't get to accomplish everything I wanted.

When I reverted to the Faith in late summer 2006, I was pretty sick. I had been extremely healthy up to that point. Seriously, I could go years without going to the doctor if I wasn't required to get shots for school. In those days, the doctors hadn't properly diagnosed me with having a severe anxiety relapse (long story short; people can be cruel in when they're mentally and emotionally abusing someone). At one point, I had been in the Emergency Room 3 times in 5 days. What I didn't know then (due to lack of proper diagnosis) was that anxiety can have some pretty bad physical symptoms.

During one of the especially bad ER visits (and a couple of weeks into my reversion -- which I credit to St. Jude's intercession via my mother's prayers), I made a couple of promises to St. Jude: that I would attend a Catholic college to finish my degree and to visit the Vatican (since that is where his remains are) after I graduated. Both things were going to be done as a "thank you" for his intercession for my health. Well, I did graduate from a "Catholic" college (close enough, right? I applied before I knew it was CINO). Now the promise that I have to fulfill is visiting the Vatican.

I desperately want to fulfill that promise for many reasons. A few weeks after asking for intercession, I was on the mend. I got a proper diagnosis, alternative meds (since I'm sensitive to most meds), and was much happier since I had cut all the toxic things out of my life. I returned to school (community college) part time. While I was in school from then on, I was healthy enough to attend with only one major interruption (my father's death). Sure, anxiety still plagues me to this day (though I know what triggers it so I can easily control it) but I can now go several months without a single anxiety attack. And, besides my stomach problems (which I am enduring without much complaint; offering it up), I'm actually the healthiest I've been in years. :D

Because of how fragile my personal finances are at the moment (which is the cause of my anxiety these days), I obviously can't go to the Vatican anytime soon. However, my only New Year's Resolution is to cut back on my miscellaneous spending (even more; I'm a frugal lady ;D) and put whatever money I have left over from tutoring and writing (after bills and tuition payments) into my trip to the Vatican. I hope to go sometime next year, before I head off to grad school.

When I have a goal in mind, I work hard for it. When it's a promise, I worker harder to keep it. I am putting my stubbornness to good use. ;)

Anyway, just felt the urge to write and to share this so... yeah. lol. Today is my last free day before both my freelance writing assignments (which I already have 3 of; big ones, too) and tutoring consume the majority of my day, so I'm going to go relax. :)

Oh! Please don't forget to send me any prayer requests. I'm still aiming for the 365 days of prayers for others. If you have a particularly big intention and are in need of a novena, let me know. I am a novena machine. lol. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Earthquakes, My Reversion, and How St. Jude is Connected to Both

This is the actual St. Jude statue that has survived many earthquakes. Seriously, check out the chipped paint.

I was originally going to post my reversion story today (St. Jude's feast day -- shared with St. Simon) because it's through his intercessions that I reverted back to the beautiful Catholic faith I know and love. Then, at 8:24 a.m. we had a mini 3.9 earthquake and, well, decided to share with y'all how St. Jude is connected to earthquakes for me.

I wrote about how St. Jude was looking out for me during the big 1994 earthquake nearly 5 years ago (and added a little something extra over 4 years ago) but most of y'all are new to my blog so it's worth a repost:

"This story takes place in mid-January 1994. I was about 8 years old at the time and I'd never experienced a real big earthquake before... I felt my dad picking me up from my bed, very abruptly and I opened my eyes to see (and feel) everything shaking violently. Things were falling off the walls, glasses and china was breaking everywhere... if you've ever experienced an earthquake, you know what I'm talking about. Since this earthquake was a really big one, the lights went out almost immediately after the intense aftershocks started. I did not know what was going on. All I knew was that I had to stay under the doorframe (or is it doorway?). I don't remember too many details about what happened during the shaking except that the statue of St. Jude fell as soon as we (my parents and I) reached the doorway and were safe from anything falling on us. I won't write much more about what happened during the earthquake because the images are still pretty vivid (and it's been nearly 14 years since) and it would take me a long time to write it out.

Anyhoo, I was talking to my mom about the statue of Santo Niño de Atocha and one of the St. Jude statues in my room. I knew they'd fallen during the earthquake -- they're still chipped -- and I very faintly remember (or think I remember) St. Jude's statue falling as soon as we got under the doorway and my mom confirmed it. Apparently, while all other things were falling around us there are three things that didn't fall: the statue of Santo Niño, the statue of St. Jude and the big framed picture of Our Lady of Guadalupe which was up on my bedroom wall. Now, the earthquake was a 6.7 on the richter scale, it was pretty intense. Windows shattered just by the shaking, yet the picture did not fall or get hurt in any way... My mom says they (saints and Our Lady) were all looking out for us... We haven't experienced an earthquake that intense since, thank God, but every time we have experienced smaller earthquake (and/or aftershocks from nearby earthquakes) my mom grabs the St. Jude statues without even thinking about it. My dad grabs the statue of Our Lady and my mom grabs St. Jude... if I don't get to him before she does."

By the way, we still own all three things mentioned: the St. Jude and Santo Niño de Atocha statues and the framed picture of Our Lady of Guadalupe has remained on my bedroom wall since I was about 7 years old.

During today's mini earthquake (which felt a bit stronger where I live because of how close to the epicenter we are) we did the same; mom grabbed the St. Jude statue while the shaking continued... and the shaking lasted longer than we expected. After all was said and done (and we took down other statues and crucifixes), we both mentioned how "appropriate" it was that we had an earthquake on his feast day.

I sadly can't attend Mass today (I've had horrible anxiety since about 3 in the morning and can't drive because of it) but this little thing reminded me that God is still looking out for us.

Oh, and if you're wondering about my reversion story (which you can read the gist of it if you click the link), I hope to one day expand on it because it's really something that defines me. I will say that I made promises to St. Jude that I've kept (graduating from the CINO college -- before I knew it was CINO -- was one of them) and intend to keep (I still have to go to Vatican City, as my own pilgrimage, to thank him for his intercession as well as God for never abandoning me) as soon as I can afford to. If you're wondering why I chose the Vatican (besides obvious reasons), it's because that is where the relics of St. Jude are. :)

So, thank you, St. Jude for everything you've done and continue to do for me. Though it's been a while since I've asked you to intercede for me, I know that if I ever need anything, you'll be there to help me. :D

Alright, I need to go eat because I'm having a combo bad anxiety and tummy troubles day. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Oh Snap, It's Finally Happened...

Yes, Eleventh Doctor, I'll get to it as soon as I'm done with this post. ;)

A few things have finally happened and it's making me both nervous and excited. 

First: it FINALLY hit me that I'm basically done with my undergrad career. It wasn't until my Harlem Renaissance professor reminded us that this week is our last week of classes (next week is finals week) that it really hit me. I'm done. I'm done? I'm done! Of course I still have finals to do and a couple more assignments that are due this week but I don't have other major things to do. I'm going to miss homework and learning... but not the school. As I'm writing this post, I am simultaneously chatting with friends on Facebook about how unhappy my time at this school has been.

Of course, I don't have to tell y'all that; you've all read more than enough posts about my experience at the CINO school. I will miss some professors (like my Harlem Renaissance and College Algebra professors) who actually believed in and encouraged me. Come to think of it... besides the aforementioned professors and my Western Literature/Norse Mythology professor, I didn't have much support from the others. And to sum up my experience with two current issues: two weeks later and I have NOT heard from my Thesis adviser about any changes to my Thesis before the deadline... and the semester ends next week. Prior to that I tried to contact her for a month and a half but she claimed to have not received any of my emails. Also, my mother attended a school concert with me last week (as it was mandatory and she wanted out of the house for a couple of hours)... and she personally witnessed how poorly I am treated by professors. One of them gave me the stink eye and was overall not nice. At least now I have witnesses to rudeness I experience.

Second: Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, St. Therese of Lisieux, and St. Jude Thaddeus -- just a general shout out to my heavenly buddies who helped me make it through my two year journey at that school. Without their intercessions, I don't think I would've come out relatively sane. I've had friends drop out and/or transfer out because of the mistreatment we receive if we aren't in agreement with their beliefs... which are mostly against Church teachings too. Of course. If this isn't proof that prayer and hard work pays off, I don't know what does.

Third: I just realized that I am finally getting thrown out into "the real world." That is a bit scary, especially being aware of how scarce jobs are. There are a few jobs within the L.A. Archdiocese that I am going to apply for but most of them ask for either a Master's degree or extra experience which I don't have. However, I am a fast learner and I am passionate about my faith so I'm sure that God will open the right door for me. My biggest anxiety inducer is the uncertainty of it all. I don't know how soon I'll be able to start working or if I'll have to look elsewhere. And, of course I will be going for my Master's degree in a year but still it's completely odd for me not to be in school taking at least one class.

Fourth: (my, I do love making lists, don't I? lol) Despite all my venting, I have come to the conclusion that I am grateful for everything that's happened. Yes, I'm even grateful for all the humiliation, crying, and panic attacks I experienced this semester from my music professors. I truly believe that every negative thing is a character builder and thus I am glad that I experienced them. I feel like I'm coming out of this experience a lot more confident than when I went in. I also feel stronger in my faith and beliefs. The passion I felt about sharing my faith with younger members of this generation (children to those starting college) had gone out for a while shortly after my father died but it has reignited... and Lord help the person who dares talk smack about my beloved God, Pope Benedict XVI or Roman Catholic Church because I have no qualms about sticking up for any of them.

Anyway, just wanted to write all of this out before I get busy with schoolwork. I have a chance to get all but one of my finals completed by Sunday of this week so I am going to definitely attempt to do it. :D OH! And if any of you have prayer intentions, let me know so I can offer up the next two weeks for them. Doesn't matter what the prayer intention is nor do you have to tell me what it is, just let me know that you have one and I'll write it down in my notebook so that I can get everyone's intentions in. :D

And since it is Monday here's a song that I wanted to share. It's called "Pray about Everything" by Luke Bryan. Yes, it's a country song. Raise your hand if you did not see that coming. lol.

 

Alright, I'm off to do homework. I hope y'all have a great week!

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

 

I'm Thankful For...

I'm a day late on this but it's better late than never. :) So, lack of posts is (once again) due to homework and then I lost my wifi and internet connection for a day but I'm back on and here to update y'all. By the way, I am doing this instead of my first final (haha, oops) so I'm going to try to finish it rather quickly. :)

I decided to write one thing I'm thankful for according to how old I am. So, since I am 26 years old, I am posting 26 things I'm grateful for. It wasn't easy but it was a good challenge. Got it? Okay; let's begin. :)

I'm thankful for:
1) God's love, mercy, and grace. Without it where would I (or, really, anyone) be?
2) The Eucharist. Do I really need to explain this one? :D
3) The Church. The longer I'm at my CINO college, the more I fall in love with the Church, her people and our Faith.
4) My Family. It's a given. ;)
5) My Friends. The majority of my friends are like adoptive brothers and sisters and I'm grateful for every one of them.
6) My Health. While I did spend 2.5 months with a horrible throat infection this summer and I've had three bad anxiety attacks this year, I've been so much healthier than I have in the last 5 years.
7) That I'm almost done at the CINO college. I'm a little over 5 months away from the graduation date. While I'm still trying to get my thesis proposal approved (more on that soon), I am that much closer to getting out.
8) Our New Archbishop. Not to be rude or rag on Cardinal Mahony but the L.A. Archdiocese desperately needed someone like Abp. Gomez to come in. I'm excited to see what the future will bring.
9) For music. Music's always been a big part of my life but this year it's been one of the things that's helped me get through some of the more stressful moments of my life.
10) To be living in the country I'm in. Yes, I have some issues with a few things here and I often say I want to move to Canada or Ireland but, let's be honest, we are better off than those living in countries such as Africa where there is a lot of starvation and other war-torn countries.
11) This kind of goes back to family but, the sacrifice my parents have made for me. My mom is my rock and she gave up a lot of luxuries so that I could grow up as well as I have. Dad also sacrificed a lot for me when he was alive.
12) This one also goes back to friends but my girl friends who keep me strong. Some of my best friends (Angelica, Delaney, and Danica are amongst them) recently helped me get through something difficult in which I needed a lot of support from friends and I am so incredibly grateful that they were there for me.
13) The Wonderful #CathSorority gals that I've come to know in the last couple of months. Coming from a place in which faithful Catholic women are almost nonexistent or too far to see on a regular basis, it's nice that we have this support system online.
14) Twitter and Facebook Friends. Yes, I really did go there. When any of us need prayers, these are the people who (whether we know each other in person or not) will always have your back with prayers. When my father passed away two years ago, I had so many strangers tweeting me with condolences and prayers. It was an amazing feeling.
15) People like Patrick Madrid and another (currently unable to talk about) person/publication who've given this girl a chance to write and get published. Sometimes you need a person to believe in your dream (mine is to be a writer) to give you the confidence to go ahead and pursue it.
16) Patron Saints. Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati keeps popping up every where I go. St. Therese of Lisieux kept me focused this Lent. St. Jude's coming through for many friends. Hooray for patron saints who don't let you down!
17) Catholic New Media. Hello Thesis paper topic that has been approved but yet not entirely approved. In all seriousness, if it wasn't for it, I would've felt alone during my reversion to the Faith five years ago. I wouldn't have met the people I have nor would I have learned as much as I have.
18) Friends at CINO college. We are the minority but there are two or three fellow classmates/friends who are in the same "Get me out of this CINO college!" boat. It's nice to have that kind of support in that kind of environment.
19) Lent and Advent. Okay, I'm running out of things (that are said in all seriousness) so this is kind of cheating but these are some of my favorite times of year. I am forced to look at myself and make some necessary changes. Both have helped me get more serious about my Faith.
20) Spiritual Advisers. I spent 2 years without one because my last one, Fr. Leo, passed away two years ago this month but I have a new one and he is seriously the best. I've gotten back on track thanks to him.
21) The Rosary and the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy. It reminds me of a shirt I once said that I had a picture of a Rosary and said "Have you called your Mother lately?" I can't think of two better devotions to help you remember what really matters in life when things are so crazy you feel overwhelmed.
22) My New Parish. Mom and I found a new place to attend Mass which is more to our liking. I'm sorry if this sounds snobby but I don't like the clapping and the dancing during Mass. It's simply not my cup of tea. Our new parish has an organist, women wear mantillas, and we have altar boys (well, young men). I'm not a "trad" but I do like the Latin Mass and this is the closest thing we get every Sunday.
23) Having a paycheck coming into the house. Although my mom is currently the only one working since I haven't gotten any job I've applied for (and thus we've had to cut a lot of things out we'd become accustomed to), I am grateful that there is at least some income coming in. Yes, our belts are tight, I can no longer travel as often as I wish, and we are living paycheck to paycheck but it could be worse. I know God will always provide for us.
24) Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati's Financial Intercession. When I first started at the CINO college, I asked Bl. Pier Giorgio for his intercession since tuition is over $31K a year and I didn't want to go into debt with student loans. I'm going to graduate with only $2K in loans thanks to my generous Cal Grant (which I had to fight for earlier this year) and a massive grant given to me by the CINO college.
25) Vegan foods. Go ahead and laugh but with my dairy and egg allergies, I was losing a lot of important nutrients. With my discover of more ingredients I can use to substitute dairy and eggs and still get the calcium and protein I need, I've been able to stay healthier longer.
26) Basically, everything... good and bad. I wouldn't have grown or come to appreciate all of these things if I hadn't gone through the good AND the bad. It makes my life experience that much richer.

Okay, that took longer than I anticipated but I don't often publicly express what I'm thankful for so it's okay. And now I've realized that I'm running late to pick up my mom from work so I gotta run.

I hope y'all had a great Thanksgiving Day. Remember that it's more about what the day symbolizes than how many amazing savings you can get.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

This Is What Happens When You Trust God...

1) You pray earnestly for something but ultimately resign yourself to doing whatever God's will is. Result: You get back your blood test results that say you're 100% healthy. Somehow the thyroid levels fixed themselves and are now within normal range. Also, absolutely no diabetes or anything else. A couple lost pounds (which aren't noticeable) but otherwise very healthy. :D

2) You have faith in your friends and neighbors because they are good people who love God and believe in charity. Result: You have amazing friends whom you can count on. I had no ride to or from school on Tuesday and a friend drove an hour to my house to take me to school and then waited 3 hours until I was out of my classes. The Lord repaid him the next day with a job he'd been hoping for and will be relocating this weekend. Another friend also helped me get a replacement phone after mine was stolen at school on Monday. I'm sure the Lord will repay her soon; don't worry, I already did too. ;)

3) You trust that the Lord will provide financially when you are in need. Result: You get one of the few emergency loans available from the school to buy your textbooks so you don't fall behind... and then Amazon has them delivered to your house the very next day for free so you have all weekend to read. It wasn't until after I received the loan that a friend/former classmate said I lucked out because they run out of emergency funds fast. My reverse senioritis rejoices. lol.

I told one of my best friends and my mom that I believe that this summer was sort of a test for me. My faith was tested in a big way with all these question marks over my health and financial stability. I hadn't had to deal with any of this until this summer. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't go through a day or two of "I trust in you, God, but I don't know if I'm strong enough to endure this." Eventually those thoughts of self doubt (though I really did try, in all earnest, to dispel them as quickly as possible) gave way to resignation to doing whatever God's will is for me. It's something that has been hard for me in the past couple of years (since my father's death to be honest) because I know and I trust that God will provide but it's difficult when a feeling of hopelessness tries to creep up. As someone who deals with anxiety and panic disorder (though this has been going away as well) and who has to deal with as much as I have it's hard to just let go entirely. Like I said, I trust God but I don't always trust that I have courage myself. I know some of you guys were praying for me and I am wholeheartedly grateful for the prayers and for the words of encouragement.

Anyway, I'm in the middle of housework (I'm finally getting back into the swing of things as they were prior to my dad passing away; housework and homework done like clockwork) and I just wanted to take a brief break to update y'all on the results and everything else. I'll let y'all know about school soon. I'm hoping Monday as I am going to try to take Sundays off from blogging. :)

Again, thanks for everything! The prayers in the 54 Day Rosary novenas said, the novena to the Holy Souls in Purgatory, and the novena to St. Jude really helped. I'm honestly humbled by how many of y'all prayed for me. I hope y'all had a great week and will have a fantastic weekend. East Coast friends, please stay safe! We will all be praying for y'all! <3

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

St. Jude Thaddeus is the Reason I Reverted

Happy St. Jude Thaddeus feast day! I will keep this post very brief since I have a lot to do but I just wanted to, like every year, say how much I appreciate all the intercessions St. Jude Thaddeus has done for me.

First off, I would not be here, writing this blog entry, if it wasn't for his intercession. A couple of years ago, when I was so sick that things like "she won't make it" and "she has little time" were thrown around, I began to pray. It's something I hadn't done in years since I'd drifted away from the Church during my teens. Since my mom was/is a huge St. Jude devotee I decided to ask his intercession. That was the beginning of my reversion. From that moment on I made the promise to learn more about my faith and to keep other promises I made... including one which I said that as soon as I graduate college I firmly intend to go to Vatican City to give thanks to him and especially God for giving me a second chance at everything. :D He has since interceded for me, as well as for many of my friends, countless time and I wholeheartedly recommend his novena whenever you're in a bind. I have never, ever, been let down and I don't doubt that if you ask his intercession, and if it's God's will, your prayers will be answered.

As much as I would love to write more, I have so much to do. No rest for the wicked, eh? lol. Anyway, I hope everyone is having/had a great day. :D

'Til next time, thanks for reading and God Bless!

New School. New Semester. New Challenges.

I officially have two and a half weeks of vacation left before I return to school, only it'll be a new school. It'll be my first semester at one of the four Catholic colleges/universities within the L.A. Archdiocese. On one hand I am terribly excited as I have wanted to study at a Catholic school for ages. I used to beg my parents to enroll me in one when I was a little girl, before I knew just how expensive they can be. As I mentioned in a post a few weeks ago, I am lucky and blessed enough to have received a huge scholarships and grants that will pay for my tuition so all I have to worry about is textbooks. I said it once and I'll say it again: it literally pays to be an academic nerd. lol. I am also excited about the classes I will get to take as well. I am only taking 5 but the five are:

- Intro to the New Testament
- Intro to Catholicism
- Intro to Christian Ethics
- Western Literary Heritage
- Intermediate Algebra *gag, shudder*

Can you tell that I am not looking forward to math? Math is my Achilles heel and I have to re-take the algebra class because my math professor last Fall decided to fail almost everyone in the class. Well, technically I didn't fail. I got a D but I should've received a B if not an A because I was acing everything and I firmly believe I passed the final. I won't go into a rant about this but I will say I smell a rat and it's coming from my former math professor's direction. I have people as witnesses to the fact that I understood the material. Anyway, except for math, I am exceedingly giddy about my course schedule. Since I am a double major (Religious Studies and English) I get to focus on my major requirements now that I am done with my general ed requirements.

One of the upsides of going to a Catholic college is that the reading list for my Lit class includes Dante's Divine Comedy, the Bible, Virgil's Aeneid, Homer's The Iliad, and Ovid's Metamorphosis. Since I had 6 and a half hours (yes, hours!) between two of my classes a couple of times a week, I will be able to read as well as spend some time praying in the chapel on campus. They also have a Campus Ministry which, as a Religious Studies major, I will be involved in. I would've gone to daily Mass, too, if it didn't start at the same time as my first course of the day. While all of this, and the fact that I get to keep my promises to both St. Jude Thaddeus and Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, is making me very happy there are a couple of things that will be challenging for me.

The first seems like a minor challenge to me: sleeping schedule. I am used to going to bed after midnight and as late as 2:30 a.m. I will no longer be able to do that since my first class is at 8 in the morning. It would be no big deal if I did not have to deal with the traffic on both the freeway as well as the street. Since I will probably spend about an hour to an hour and a half trying to get to campus (even though it should only take me 10-15 minutes to get there), I will have to get up at 6 in the morning in order to have breakfast and get ready very quickly. I know how to shave some time off my morning routine (opting to wear my glasses instead of the contact lenses, nixing make-up - which is what I do now anyway, etc.) but I still have to get up early. Again, this will be no big deal - just minor sleeping time adjustments - but I have bigger challenges.

I knew what I was getting myself into when I accepted my place at this college. I knew that I was going to step into a more liberal college experience than I would've loved. While they have improved on some of the more cringe worthy things I would've spoken up against (such as the cancellation of the V-Monologues performances), I know there are some things I will not agree with. It's a Catholic college, shouldn't it actual act like one? What I didn't know, but was recently warned about, was just how much of the "cafeteria Catholic" ideology was going to be pushed onto me. As I don't know a single soul that attends the school, I didn't know just how bad it is supposed to be. Take a second to imagine someone who wins a brand new car and then finds out that there are many broken parts that they can't replace or fixed so they must do with what they have. That's the best way I can describe how I feel about the whole thing. While I hate conflict (I run away from drama), I may just have to speak up. The thing is that I don't know just how much I can speak up against without getting kicked out.

I have a thing about speaking up against elders or people in authority - I can't do it without feeling guilty. I will stand up to professors once in a while but I always feel guilty at the end. I feel like I'm being disrespectful but I do it because I would feel even worse if I didn't say anything. I have immense respect for those whose vocation is the religious life... so what do I do if I encounter a Sister who supports the ordination of women or anything that I feel strongly about? Where am I going to draw the line? I think I was naive to think I would mainly deal with apathetic classmates. Having faculty that would try to ingrain in me things I, as a faithful Roman Catholic, do not agree with will be a huge challenge for me. I keep reading the new book of the letters Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati wrote in which we can read just how brave he was speaking up against something that was against the Church's teachings because it's so inspiring. I am going to use it as a source of courage and encouragement because I am definitely going to need it. By the way, any prayers you guys might want to send my way would be greatly appreciated. :D

Okay, I think that's enough over-analyzed for today. lol. :D I hope to write an entry dedicated to patron saints of students as well as prayers and novenas to them before the semester starts so all my fellow students are prepared to tackle school. :D

Hope everyone reading is having a great week thus far.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.

Merging Two Cultures; The Mission Continues; Catholic Blogs.

I interrupt my studying/homework thing for a much needed blog. Okay, so the blog isn't necessarily needed but I need this break for the sake of my sanity. I only have about two more pages to write (or roughly 500 words) and then I am done. So close... so close! lol.

I know it's not Music Monday, but, darn it, I am having music problems... sort of. It's music and cultural problems. First, I have to find a way to merge Mexican folklorico with Spanish flamenco into one dance. How I'm going to do that, I have NO clue. All I know is that if I don't find a way, there's a good chance I will offend either the Mexican or Spanish side of the familia. I've already been advised to just stomp my feet a lot. Haha! Yes, they have that in common but doing too much of that will only make my feet angry at me. I don't even want to think about the music, or even what I'll be wearing. Oy. I'll figure something out.

This is something I have to do quite often, and sometimes it's hard because I think there's still some bad blood between both countries/cultures. If I say I really want to go to Spain (especially for the World Youth Day in two years), but decline an invitation to vacation in Mexico, I get "the look". I want to eat posole but not paella, or vice versa, I get "the look". It doesn't help that when I speak Spanish I don't have an accent... and when I do, the dialect is more Spanish (Castilian) than Mexican. The only safe thing that I can talk about, without offending either, is the religion. Thank goodness both are primarily Catholic (though Spain seems to be more and more secularized than Mexico). I can show my love of St. Teresa of Avila (a Spanish saint) and St. Juan Diego (a Mexican saint) and have everything be fine. I love that there's no religious intolerance between these cultures.

While there are no religious issues between countries, I am still struggling with it in my family. One parent refuses to go to Mass (and even puts up a fight every Saturday I go to confessions and every Sunday I want to go to Mass). The other is a little more willing but I've probably gone to Mass by myself more often than not recently. I even volunteer to go to the Spanish Masses so they can go, but nothing. When I told my mom I was open to a religious vocation, a while back, she was against the idea. I have since then figured out that it is not what the Lord has in store for me, which made her happy. Her reaction, she says, comes from attending a Catholic boarding school and having to deal with "mean nuns" in her childhood. The only people that have had an influence on me have been my mom's Godparents (whom we don't see often), one of my paternal aunts, and my paternal grandmother (may God rest her soul). In fact, I still have a mantilla my grandmother handmade for me before she passed away a few years ago. She used to go to Mass every day with her veil. I remember her wearing them, when she took to take me to Church as little girl. There's something about that that I find absolutely beautiful. I've had a couple of priests ask me how it's possible that I'm so into the faith, while my parents are the opposite. Trust me, I don't know. All I know is that my mission to get my parents back to the Church continues. I've seriously made that my ultimate goal and I won't quit until I get them to come back. And if you know me well enough, you know I'm stubborn enough to get this to happen... eventually. Haha. I only use the "stubborn mode" for good. lol.

I should probably stop writing and get back to my homework. *groan* Just two more pages and I am done for the week. I'll only have one more class to work on (which I can finish in about half an hour) and I will have the weekend free. Whoo! :D Alright, I'm off to watch the Seattle Sounders vs. New York Red Bulls match... while I finish my Speech assignment. Yes, it CAN be done. It's impossible during a Liverpool F.C. match, especially with the amount of screaming, dancing, and celebrating I do (teehee :D), but for all others I can multi-task. :D.

Oh, before I go, I'd like to point out that I have a couple of new Catholic blogs listed. A few were requests and a few were added because I thought they deserved to get more readers; I liked all of them. If you're a St. Jude devotee (like me; he IS my patron saint, after all), St. Jude Novena Blog is a great place to visit. And, Verbum Veritatis (Word Of Truth) is one of my new favorites, as well. If I have yet to add yours, please let me know. I want to help y'all get more readers. :)

I'm stalling, aren't I? Okay, I'll shut up now. lol. :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Long List of Saintly "Thank You"s, Intercessions.

This might be the last post I write this year because tomorrow is usually a really busy day for me -- due to the clean-a-thon. I haven't really started and that will take me a good day and a half if I do it at my usual pace. Since I feel VERY weak and slightly fatigued today (due to a little fasting I did yesterday; I've learned I really can't fast without feeling like I'm gonna pass out within a few hours), I will be doing this a bit slower. Also, my mom's just caught a cold/flu bug so I'll also be helping her clean the house. We like to ring in the New Year with everything in order and as clean as possible. :D Since this is the case, I just wanted to post a long list of "Thank You"s to saints who've interceded for me. It will be extra long, so brace yourselves.

St. Jude Thaddeus: St. Jude's helped me out for years. He was my patron saint during the hardest times of my life, and I believe he was in the saint that got me back to my Catholic roots. I've always been Catholic but didn't always act Catholic (mainly because no one ever bothered to explain to me what was and wasn't part of the Church's beliefs). I credit him for helping me get back into prayer and attending Mass, as well as going to confessions. There's a reason why I head straight for our St. Jude statues whenever there's an earthquake.

Our Lady of Guadalupe: Our Mother in Heaven has been absolutely amazing to my entire family. She's my father's patron saint, along with St. Michael Archangel. What can I say that hasn't already been saint about her? All I can do is express my gratitude to her for all she's done for us, including helping us through my mom's potential breast cancer scare last year. I also have a journal where I write as if I were writing to her, but that's another story... :D That's something you won't see, unlike the little drawing I did of her, earlier this year.

St. Dymphna: Patroness of all who, like me, suffer from anxiety. She's actually brought a lot of new readers to this blog because of a post I wrote, a few months ago, on Catholicism and anxiety. Though she's helped me very much, I believe she's helped me help others who did not know about her and now pray for her intercession. That's a great feeling. :D Any time I feel a really BAD panic attack coming on, I pray for her intercession -- that the Lord hears her own prayers for my peace of mind -- and I feel better not long after. I hope to help promote her intercession for others as much as I can.

St. Timothy: I went through almost 2-3 months of a stomach virus that simply refused to leave my system... until I looked up who the patron saint of stomach and intestinal problems was. When I did, I asked for his intercession and a few days later, I was practically back to normal. :D I am very grateful to him for that, because I landed in the Emergency Room twice (the last two times I was there) because of dehydration from the virus before I asked for his intercession.

St. Martha: This one is for my mom, who works in a subsection of housekeeping (not but exactly housekeeping) at a convalescent hospital. My mom has a HEAVY work load and she gets home completely exhausted every day. One day, I decided to look up the patroness of her line of work. I told her to ask St. Martha for her intercession whenever she had one of those heavy days. She did (and has since). Mom will occasionally tell me how she had a heavy workload and she says "St. Martha, please help me get through this" and the next thing she knows, she's done! She somehow manages to finish everything quickly; the time just flies. So a big thank you to her!

St. Thomas Aquinas and St. Joseph of Cupertino: My academic heroes! Every time I had a hard exam, I asked for their intercessions (St. Thomas Aquinas for a clear mind; St. Joseph of Cupertino for knowledge to pass the exam). I even kept St. Thomas Aquinas' holy prayer card on my desk during a couple of my exams, including my Oceanography final exam (I ended up getting an A in the class for the semester). I also believe St. Joseph of Cupertino also came through for me during my English Lit final because, despite studying for a section that wasn't covered much on the test, I was able to pass it and score a B for the semester. So, THANK YOU!

Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati: I've only been learning about Bl. Pier Giorgio recently, I asked his intercession for absolutely no anxiety during my final exam. I heard students also asked him for help and since I want to submit something to further his case to become an official saint, I decided to ask him for health and peace of mind during finals. I definitely got it. I don't know how but I made it through my final exams with the most relaxed attitude I've ever had. Seriously, I was so zen the entire time, I was very kind of shocked. Of course, anxiety is up now but hey I made it through my finals which is all I asked. :D I am now asking him to help me with something, also school related, and I will let y'all know if he's able to intercede for me. :D

St. Teresa of Avila: Ever since I had that dream of St. Teresa -- before I even knew who she was -- I've felt connected to her. After learning about her, and seeing how much I had in common with her, I felt so much more connected to the Church and the Lord. She started my whole love of learning about saints' lives. (Well, her and Fr. James who said to look them up whenever I dreamt about them). A thank you to her for helping me figure out my career was in writing. :D

St. Pancras of Rome: Got a cramp? Ask for his intercession and it'll go away. He definitely interceded for me when I got that painful charley horse, first thing in the morning, a few months ago. It was the fastest pain relief -- from a charley horse -- I've had.

St. Anthony: He's helped me find things AND I owe him a food donation (he's the patron saint against starvation) to my local parish which I hope to do either later today or tomorrow.

St. Christopher and St. Sebastian: Thank you for not letting Liverpool F.C. lose when I've watched the games! :D (I'm a Reds fan, as was the late Pope John Paul II. :D)

Infant of Prague: Last, but certainly not least, is the Infant Jesus of Prague. I am telling you, every time I'm in a bind and need an urgent intercession, I've done the 9 hour novena and it's always helped me. I definitely recommend it to those of you who are in urgent need.

I would like to end this blog by saying that I am grateful to each and every one of these, and all the rest of, saints for the intercession they've done for me and for others. For those non-Catholics, NO, I am NOT worshiping these saints. Saints intercede for us -- they ask God, on our behalf, to help us through our troubles. I would also like to say that if you ask a saint to intercede for you and he/she doesn't, it doesn't mean it doesn't work. In my experience, you either have to be patient, because not all prayers are answered immediately, or it wasn't in God's will. I always keep in mind that if my prayer isn't answered right away or at all, it's because I HAVE TO endure whatever it is I'm going through in order to learn from it. That's something a lot of people probably don't consider. That is the reason why many prayers conclude with "... if it's God's will."

Alright, I am feeling a little better than I was when I started writing, so I will try to finish my cleaning. Yaay... *groan* lol. In case I don't write another post, I wish you all a WONDERFUL, and safe, New Years! If you're Spanish or Hispanic, don't forget the 12 grapes at midnight -- I know I won't! :D.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

St. Jude Thaddeus' Feast Day

Since it is St. Jude's feast day today, and since he is my main patron saint, I thought it was only appropriate to make a post today. Unfortunately, I don't have enough time to rave about all the prayers he's heard and helped me out with but I am going to share some pictures of a statue of his at my parish. St. Jude isn't the patron of the parish but there's such a huge devotion to him. So, please enjoy the pictures. Click on them to see them bigger. :D

Pictures of the St. Jude statue in the courtyard.

From Journey of a Catholic Nerd Writer

From Journey of a Catholic Nerd Writer

A picture of a smaller St. Jude statue inside the Church. The words read "St. Jude Thaddeus, (Monetary) Offerings" in Spanish.

From Journey of a Catholic Nerd Writer

Alright, I'm off to finish the Philosophy assignments that are due tonight and the rest of the English Lit assignments I have due tomorrow. :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Midterms? Final? HELP!; I Love Saints!.

Sorry it's taken me nearly a week to post another blog. This is the hardest week I'll have this semester, hence the lack of updates. I have my Oceanography final tomorrow morning (WHOO-HOO!). The English Literature midterm is on Monday morning. History of Great World Religions' midterm starts this coming weekend (the 30th) but that's an essay so I'm not too worried about it. After that, normal work until finals week... with one less class to do. WHOO!!! I would do a cartwheel right now if I didn't have these giants, painful stress knots all over my back. But, it's just 3 more days until the work lessens. I've had my crazy schedule for 8 weeks so far, I think I can make it 3 more days. lol. Despite my knots and occasional stress (the next door neighbor thinks she's the only one who lives in the area -- such loud music), I am pretty mellow about my exams. I don't know why. Might be because I've worked hard so far (though, I'll admit, probably not as hard as I should've) and because I'm pretty confident I will (hopefully) pass. I'll hopefully get my Oceanography final grade sometime next week. Fingers crossed it's a good grade. The man's grading on a curve, so I'm a little worried. :D

Quick note: We've officially started the Christianity section of the History of Great World Religions class and both St. Thomas Aquinas AND St. Teresa of Avila are mentioned. WHOO! :D

Have I mentioned how much I LOVE saints? I truly do. Last night, I was feeling horrible -- stomach pains, feeling faint, a gross feeling; most likely because of something I ate -- so I said a little prayer, "Oh, St. Timothy, if it's something related to my stomach, please help me get over this so I can go finish my History assignments that are due tonight". A little while later, all better. :D I made it 15 minutes under the deadline. That's how close I was cutting it due to the... well, whatever it was. Also, yesterday I received the WONDERFUL news that my financial aid appeal had been approved and I will be receiving aid for my books for the rest of the year. YAY!!! :D The Novena to St. Jude totally came through for me. :D Mom seemed somewhat shocked when she told me it was very apparent that I had such a strong faith/belief in the saints and their intercessions. Not only the saints, but in prayer. I feel like this is helping me out with my ultimate mission. What my ultimate mission/goal is... you'll have to wait until my next blog because I am exhausted (5 hours of sleep), I have confessions in a little while AND I still have to plan my attack on the final exam tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to write either Monday afternoon or Tuesday. We'll see. :D

'Til next time... thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Palpitations and Pains in Church; Golden Crucifix Dream.

Man, I've had one doozy of a weekend. When I went to confessions yesterday, my heart kept beating as though it was going to jump out of my chest. It calmed down when I confessed but when I went to kneel in front of the tabernacle, it started right up again. I was trying to say the Act of Contrition and then say the amount of prayers Fr. Juan had given me but I just couldn't concentrate. My heart was beating with so much force that the St. Jude medallion (which I wear on a chain) was actually bouncing off my shirt. That's never happened and it was quite scary. I closed my eyes and said "Lord, if this is the work of the enemy trying to keep me from praying, please help me." I managed to calm down and concentrated after that.

Today, I went to Mass by myself (mom's battling a painful toothache and dad simply didn't "feel like going"). I was fine until I started getting these chest pains over my heart. I ignored the first one but when the second and third came I worried and left Mass. They were about to start with the Eucharist too. :( I was seriously scared because the pains burned. I only got about 5 pains before it stopped though. Still, I got home and I cried. After the ordeal I went through last year, I've remained very nervous about my heart. I think (and hope) it was maybe some heartburn or something. I'd eaten some hot (chili) chicken in the morning and then took a nap an hour and a half later. I woke up with my stomach all acid-y so I think that that's what triggered the burning chest pains. I haven't had any pains since, thank goodness. To be honest, I think I cried mostly because I left Mass early. I was scared about the pains but didn't get a panic attack or anything like that. Hopefully I won't get a repeat of it again.

I don't know what's going on but I think I'm definitely in for a fight. I haven't been praying as much as I used to -- either I run out of time or forget. I didn't go to Mass for two weekends (I was sick in bed the first week and had that midterm last Sunday) and confession for 3 weeks. That was also a first. I usually go to confession once a week... or at least once every 2 weeks. It's been that way for nearly 2 years now. I had to leave Mass early the last time I went, and again today. My parents have started refusing to go to Church with me. Oh, I'm definitely in for a battle but I'm not going to give up on these things! At least I'm still having my wonderful dreams.

A few nights ago I had this dream that I was left at the altar, in my wedding dress, by someone I cared about in real life a while ago. Anyway, I was really upset in the dream and then I found this golden crucifix. It somehow appeared in my hand, wrapped in a silk handkerchief. I was so happy to see it that I kissed it because I knew that it was a sign of comfort... and then woke up. I told a friend of mine about this and he said, "Well, maybe the golden Crucifix means that Jesus is always there. Gold is precious, so even though things go to custard, as you could say, Jesus is still there. So Jesus is your treasure." I think he's right. Lately I've been feeling just horrible at home and the lack of communications between my friends and I is starting to take its toll on me. I think that I just have to remember that I'll always have the love of God, and our beautiful Blessed Mother; especially when I don't feel it from anyone else. The dream was definitely a reminder of that... and that's such a comforting thought to have. :D I hope everyone remembers that when they're feeling down.

Alright, well, I have to work on some schoolwork. Yeah, it's a never-ending cycle of critical analysis and research papers. lol. I hope everyone had a great weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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I Can Finally Breathe!; Patron Saints; Bon Voyage... But Where To?

I finally feel like I can breathe after weeks of being swamped with so much homework. Whoo!! :D The heaviest parts were finished yesterday. I have to write myself a note not to overload myself like this again. I haven't had time to go get my hair cut. I haven't gone out with my friends in ages. I'm very much a homebody. I mean, I was a homebody before but now I can't even go out if I wanted to. Well, no, I CAN go out but I choose not to because that will only lead to more stress and who wants that? I'm perfectly content staying at home, studying, because I know I will get killer grades at the end of the semester if I keep it up. :) One of my courses, the dreaded Oceanography class, ends in 3 weeks (wow, so fast!) and then I have 3 classes for the remainder of the semester. Say it with me... WHOOOOOO!!! lol. I truly hope that those of you in school are doing well so far. :D

Of course, I owe a lot of my calm nerves to the patron saints of students (St. Joseph of Cupertino and St. Thomas Aquinas) and of course, St. Dymphna (patroness of anxiety). I'm happy to say that the anxiety has been practically gone in the past couple of weeks, perhaps last 2 months. I asked a friend of mine if it was possible to have too many patron saints, and he didn't know so... hmm. I'm still wondering. No one's been able to give me a straight answer yet. I can't pick a patron saint. I have three main saints: St. Jude Thaddeus, St. Dymphna, and Our Blessed Mother. How can I pick when they've done so much for me? I should probably ask one of the priests -- the priest I get -- when I go sometime soon. I still have to go and talk to one of them. I have a lot on my mind. I have so many questions and am in dire need of the kind of advice I think a priest would answer the best. Is it weird that I love having conversations with priests? Seriously, if I could on a daily basis, I would!

Oh... A few months ago, my mother surprised me by saying that as soon as my anxiety had simmered down and as soon as I could prove that I can handle traveling, she'd be willing to pay for a vacation anywhere I'd like to go. I've already gone out of the country but not too far away from home. Everyone's pretty much banking (slang word for: betting on a sure deal) on me going to England. Two years ago, England felt more like my home than my actual home here in California. I have so many wonderful memories from that time in my life. I became addicted to tea during that time; an addiction I still have. lol. I have friends in London and up in Manchester so I wouldn't be by myself while in England. Maybe I'll skip the trip and save up the money for something else in the future. With the way the economy is going, it might be wiser to just save up. We'll see.

Alright, I am going to go shut my eyes for a little while because my eyes hurt and they've gotten worse on a daily basis. I think I need new prescription for my glasses/contacts because I feel better without them on... even though I'm pretty much as blind as a bat without them. lol. I think a prayer to St. Lucy is in order.

Oh, and before I go... I still have plans on writing about St. Therese of Lisieux AND about the golden crucifix dream but I am going to wait until (hopefully) tomorrow because I want to add more to it. :D

I'm going to leave y'all with a video I came across youtube of my favorite scene of "The Bells of St. Mary's". Enjoy! As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D


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