... I Thought Lent Ended?

In the span of a week:

- I've been insulted off of social media. It happened shortly after my last blog post on social media. Great timing, really. lol. I took the weekend off and will resume to take the week off, baring prayer requests or something urgent. My stress levels online have been off the charts lately. Taking the weekend off was good for me but it wasn't enough. I need a slightly longer break from it.

- My car has had to go back to the mechanic's... twice. The radiator on my car popped while Mom and I were out. The car released a lot of smoke and we were scared for a while (until we knew what had happened). Thankfully, I have AAA and the tow to the mechanic's was covered. I've already spent almost all of our tax refund on car repairs and, if you know our economic situation, you know that more repairs will hurt us further.

I should get my car back tomorrow. I hope the damage isn't too bad and that we don't have to spend the rest of our refund on the repairs.

I need prayers. I don't know what's up with this prolonged Lent-type thing but I could use some prayers if you can spare some.

Can I offer some of this up for any of you? Please leave a comment here, send me a DM on Twitter (because I won't see @ tweets), or private message me through the blog's FB page since I will get the email and read them that way without having to log into the accounts.

I hope y'all are having a better time than I am. lol.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :)

Online Inauthenticity and Temptations

This past week, I got the chance to research and write about the internet's patron saint, St. Isidore of Seville, for EpicPew. Why? Why not?! As someone who has a serious love-hate relationship with several online things (especially social media), I thought it would be good to learn a little more about who the patron was and why he was the patron saint. I won't reiterate what I wrote but you can definitely check it out here.

One thing that has really struck me lately is the lack of authenticity and how caught up in it we are without really realizing it. I'm not immune to it. I try to be as real and open as possible on this blog but that doesn't mean I don't also go with the - let's say - more flattering pictures posted on social media. Am I really that vain or is it just a fear of the judgment? I'd say it's fear of judgment but perhaps it's both... and it's made me uncomfortable either way.

I usually don't take selfies very often. The picture I had on Twitter before I changed it this week was nearly 3 years old and the new one was taken when I cut my hair two days ago. Still, it felt inauthentic to me. I tried to counteract that with a series of videos (to friends) on the topic on social media in which I wore no makeup and hadn't brushed my hair. I promise I didn't look like a complete mess but I felt a bit better. I normally don't wear makeup and I have my hair up and away from my face.

That incident made me think about how I'm getting increasingly uncomfortable online. Sure, it's been a sort-of lifeline for me since it's what I use to communicate with friends these days. We're all so hyper-connected that, if it's not said on social media, it probably won't be said at all.

I'm a social introvert; I need socializing as much as I need my own solo time to recharge my batteries. With my friends having moved away from L.A. and/or living across the globe (my best friend lives in Italy), it's hard to try to get everyone together, face-to-face. I went 8 months without seeing a single one of my friends, remember? Without the use of social media, I would have a lonelier existence... but I still hate it.

I hate that we rely on social media so much. I hate that it's increasingly difficult to get together with friends -- even those who live within reasonable driving distance. I hate that I hate the online world because it usually affects me much more than I'd like to admit.

I'm an HSP; I absorb people's feelings and moods very easily. Not only that, the feelings will linger for hours or even through the end of the day. The smallest amount of negativity will ruin my day. What's the internet and social media famous for? The infighting, even amongst us Catholics. It makes it hard for me to shake off the bummer mood. Why do you think I read and write so much? It provides distractions and keeps my mind busy when I've had enough of the internet.

I may (thankfully!) not have the temptation to look at pornography, to seek out fights, to troll people, to do anything damaging... but the temptation to live my life online and to fall into the trap of only sharing the "best" side of myself is still a temptation I struggle with.

A couple of months ago (side note: this post has been in the drafts box since the second week of January) I read an open letter to Benedictine oblates on the internet and social media (which is worth a read!) and I saw this prayer that I've personally written out for myself to use because, let's face, we all face temptations every time we get online.

"O God, who hast taught us to make use of the things of this life as if we used them not (1 Cor 7), grant me wisdom and discernment in my use of the tools of knowledge and communication, for the form of this world is passing away (ibid.). Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth (Ps 140); preserve thou my mind from aimless curiosity; turn away my eyes from beholding vanity, and pierce thou my flesh with thy fear (Ps 118). Chasten thou all my discourse, lest any word of mine bring harm to me or to my neighbour. Make my heart like unto a fortified city, that filled with thy loving mercy, I may praise thee with pure lips: Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come (Apoc 4), who in perfect Trinity livest and reignest, throughout all ages of ages. Amen.

Holy Mary, Virgin most prudent, pray for us.
Ye holy Angels, save us from spiritual harm.
Holy Abbot Benedict, teach us silence.
Holy Doctor Isidore, keep us from falsehood.
All ye saints of God, intercede for us."

How about y'all? Do any of you feel like you're in the same or a similar boat? Has anyone found ways to combat all of this negativity we encounter online, especially social media? (side note: even limiting who I follow on social media doesn't always help). Is it possible to find a good balance between the online and offline worlds that lasts for more than a couple of days? If so, please let me know because I feel seriously burnt out these days.

Anyway, I hope y'all had a good work week and that you have a lovely weekend. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

Benedictine Oblate and Third Novel News

Hear ye, hear ye! The news express is making a quick stop straight from Emmyland.

From all the recent emails I've received recently, it looks like I'm officially on my way to becoming an official Benedictine Oblate. Cue the happy crying, fangirl squealing, and other celebratory actions a young woman of my age should've outgrown by now... but hasn't. lol. The Oblate novitiate period is a year-long process of discernment. To say that I'm excited would be an understatement. Did you not see the "fangirl squealing" part? lol.

Seriously, I could not be happier. My spiritual life has gotten a much life boost. I honestly feel like a different person and have been much happier. The Lenten week of depression only lasted the entirety of Holy Week before disappearing. I've already planned on spending more time in adoration with this book by St. Alphonsus Liguori this week. I look forward to discerning whether this is something God is calling me to do over the next year.

We have a (tentative) publication date for the third novel: May 14, 2018. That's 4 years (what?!) and 2 weeks after the publication of the first novel. It is the first non-Will and Lina book and something that was re-written over the past couple of months. It started out as one thing and with one idea and it morphed into something else. Not only that, a sequel will have to be written to finish the story. I tried to avoid it but I couldn't; these characters have a mind of their own.

As with my other novels, I decided to take the self-publishing route. Why? Because, really, it's the best options for these types of books. The YA/NA market is hard to break into, especially with books with my specific intent to write books that aren't smutty or insulting as the ones that dominate the current market. No, self-publishing is the right path for these books... for now. The autobiography I'm ghostwriting will (hopefully) be going to an actual publisher and is headed down a more traditional route.

If you're new to these parts, my novels tend to be YA/NA (young adult/new adult) aimed at young women between the ages of 17 to 26. I've had guys read my previous two novels (When Two Worlds Collide and London Calling) and I haven't heard too many complaints but, yeah, it's not aimed for y'all. I just have to put that warning out there. ;)

Alright, that's it. I've had an uber long day and I'm "functioning" on less than 5 hours of sleep which tends to make me a little silly and giddy. You guys are better off not seeing that side of me. lol.

I hope y'all are having a great week thus far!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D