Back to School While Sick; Student Patron Saints

Yup, these are some (about half) of the books I will need this semester. Yes, one semester and I still have to get the other portion. Repeat after me "Oy..."

It's that time of year again. The sun is blazing hot in Southern California. The sales are in full swing. Emmy's panic attacks have returned after months of being dormant and intercessions are asked of St. Thomas Aquinas and St. Joseph of Cupertino. Yes, it's time to tear out my hair... er... head back to school. This year will be different as I will be transferring to a new college. To add to the fun: I have sinusitis, an infection/virus, I'm fatigued, my temp is going up, and my throat just begun to really hurt/become scratchy. There are more physical symptoms (i.e. headaches) that I failed to mention but, basically, I am falling apart only days before classes begin. FUN! /sarcasm. lol.

Normally I'm excited for classes to begin in the Fall... and I was until I started feeling miserable. Lack of updates for the past two weeks? You can thank the virus I have for that. I thought I was getting the flu but it's too early to have the flu. Then I thought I had the airborne cold virus that many of my friends, as well as my mom, have but nada. I went to the doctor yesterday to find out the official diagnosis and won't get my antibiotics and meds until Monday. Did I also mention my first class is at 8 in the morning but due to rush hour traffic on the freeway, I have to leave at 6:30 a.m.? Oh yeah, this is going to be awesome! lol.

Seriously, though, I hope to just rest as much as I can today and tomorrow. Water, teas with lemon and honey, and sleep will be friends until I feel better. I have to keep water coming in anyway because I found out I have low blood pressure and I need to keep my fluid intact coming at a steady rate so I don't get lightheaded or anything. Though I do feel like I'm falling apart, I keep reminding me that it'll pass and that God never gives us anything we can't handle.

Friday into Saturday night I had the absolute worse panic attack (and I haven't had any in months) I've had since months before my dad passed away. It was so bad that my mom nearly took me to the Emergency Room at 1 a.m. Since I knew it was anxiety and that it was probably a combination of the sinusitis, virus, indigestion from my dinner, and the panic attack that made me feel like I was going nutty, I just laid in bed and clutched the green scapular in my right hand. I have such faith in the scapular that it actually helps the anxiety go down significantly. A couple of prayers and crying jags later (yes, I cry out of frustration when the anxiety is absolutely horrible) and I fell fast asleep. I woke up feeling better, in terms of anxiety, and I'm giving credit to the green scapular (as well as my mom's prayers to Our Lady of Guadalupe and my earlier prayer to St. Dymphna) for this.

Anyway, the illness and optimism I am trying to retain (with a dash of sarcasm since I deal with unpleasantness with jokes and sarcasm) aside, I am glad I have everything ready for the start of the year. I have most of my books (except for one class that posted the books needed only two-three days ago) and things needed for the first weeks of the semester. I didn't get any clothing this year (as I normally do) because a) I am officially out of (frivolous) spending money and b) there was absolutely no good, modest clothing to be found anywhere I looked. I actually have a blog I started about this two Mondays ago that I need to finish and post regarding this little adventure.

For my fellow students I have to ask, are you all spiritually ready for the start of the year (if you have or have no already started)? Have you resolved to keep God first and foremost even if you're attending a public school/university? This is my first year in a Catholic school (and I'm finally a junior! About time!) but it's quite liberal from what I've heard so I have an uphill battle ahead of myself. Do you have a special student patron saint whose intercession you ask for when you feel stuck in a rut? If not, here's a list of patron saints of students (via SQPN):

- Albert the Great
- Ambrose of Milan
- Benedict
- Cassian of Imola
- Catherine of Alexandria
- Gabriel of the Sorrowful Mother
- Gemma Galgani
- Gregory the Great
- Isidore of Seville
- Jerome
- John Bosco
- Joseph Calasanz
- Joseph of Cupertino
- Lawrence of Rome
- Nicholas of Myra
- Osanna Andreasi
- Philomena
- Symphorian of Autun
- Thomas Aquinas
- Ursula

I'd also like to add Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati to that list. He died two exams short of receiving his degree so he is asked for intercession by those who have big academic problems or obstacles. I owe my not having to pay for tuition to him since I asked him to help me find a way to pay for college. As I've said before, I ended up receiving a massive scholarship (twice the amount I was first offered at this school) as well as some grants. I couldn't have afforded school otherwise so credit given where credit's due.

My other two "go-to" patron saints when it comes to school are St. Thomas Aquinas and St. Joseph of Cupertino. I have never been let down when I've been in a real bind. As I wrote in this entry nearly two years ago, through their intercession I was able to complete an intense midterm (and later final) while sick with a nasty cold. By the way, that link also has prayers to both saints. I'd recommend either writing them down or bookmarking the entry so you can have it during exams or whenever you need them. But, remember, if you don't study or put in the effort you can't expect them to help you out. Relying on prayers and intercession when you don't give your all generally won't work.

Before I end this blog, I want to pass along this link to a College Blog Roll that Lisa Hendy started in which you "adopt" a college student to pray for. That's a great idea, if you ask me! Who doesn't want to help out the incoming freshman and other students as they try to navigate their way through college. I've "adopted" a couple of students and hope that my prayers will help them somehow. :)

Anyway, to everyone going back: good luck!!! Just remember that a prayer and the sign of a cross as you get to campus is a good way to start the school year and it helps you remember what's truly important. :) For extra comfort, having a Rosary with you or the prayer card of your favorite saint is recommended. :) Best wishes to all and if I don't pass out from the 4 flights of stairs I have to go up and down four times tomorrow (because the elevator is extremely slow), I'll try to blog as soon as I can. :D

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Finally, a Good Day: I Got Accepted!

As you might've guessed from the title of the post, I have been accepted for transfer to one of the three universities/colleges I have applied to. Oh, I didn't mention this? Yeah. I didn't want to say which schools I applied to until I got word (acceptance or rejection) from them. I will give hints: two of them are here in Southern California (one Catholic, the other a State university) and the third was my dream university (the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, Canada). I don't have to think about where I'm going to attend. I already made plans on accepting the admissions offer from this particular school.

I'm also happy to say that I received a phone call from the counselor in charge of transfer admissions to let me know that because of my GPA (nerd alert! nerd alert!), I was eligible for some of their bigger scholarships. Thank God that I may get a good amount because this school is expensive (and that now narrows it down to the private, Catholic college and UBC) and I don't want to graduate with such a huge debt -- especially since I am paying for it myself.

Needless to say, I am HAPPY! I wasn't sure I would get in because of the increasingly competitive students applying for next Fall, but I am glad that my hard work has paid off thus far. I ended up baking my first vegan cake (since I am allergic to both dairy and eggs) in celebration... and it came out awesome, if I do say so myself. lol.

Hopefully all of this is the start of something better because I've had such a hellish couple of years (2006 to the present). *fingers crossed*

Alright, that's all for now. I am still on that quest to finish everything early so I can have a longer Spring Break vacation. Whoo hoo! :D

I hope everyone is doing well. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Quick Personal Update

Again, sorry for the gaps between posts. I had my Philosophy exam on Wednesday... well, I actually missed it because I had HORRIBLE panic attacks through the entire night (Tuesday into Wednesday) and the anxiety didn't subside until Thursday morning. Because of this, I was also forced to cancel my adventure in my beloved England. *sighs* I supposed everything happened for a reason (and I have seen what that reason was) so it's okay.

I've been taking a break from studying over the holidays because I was getting those stress knots on my shoulders and back. Instead, I've been fixing my schedule for the Spring semester. 14 units (total of 5 courses). Since I am in the final stages on my transfer applications, I had to make sure I got all the courses I need to transfer before summer. Different schools in different countries required different courses. I hope all my hard work will pay off in the end. I'm still relying of Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati's intercession when it comes to my transferring because I will really need it.

Advent is starting tomorrow, so I've also been preparing for that. I have the wreath and candles all ready. I'm going to try to translate some things for my mom who will be celebrating Advent for the first time. Yes, she's also a cradle Catholic but they did things differently in Mexico where she lived for the first couple of years of her life. It'll be VERY exciting to see how she reacts to things. :D Also, she's successfully started novenas. I'm so proud of her. :D

I hope to write an Advent post tomorrow. I don't think I wrote one last year so... it's about time I did. :D After tomorrow, and possibly Monday, don't expect another post from me until I am done studying for my math exam (we have this weekend off!). I am going to dedicate the next 3 weeks to passing my courses, especially math. The posting will become more regular after finals are over (after Dec. 16) and after I am done with my novel (which is going very well btw... 5,000 words in a couple of hours on Thursday).

That's it for now. I'm going to finish reading a novel for fun before I get prepare for tomorrow. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :)

Transfer Application Tango and Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati.

It's the time of the year when high school seniors and transfer students are doing the transfer application tango. Of course it's not called that but I like to call it that. Don't ask me why, I just do. lol. Anyway, as some of you (who have read this blog for over a year) know, I went through this process last year. Unfortunately, plans change (when do they not?) and I must go through this again. The good news is that I'm a lot more prepared than I was last year. I'm basically done with all my core requirements and have even got all but one or two of the lower division requirements completed. One of those requirements that I need I'm currently taking (Philosophy of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam -- or, as I call it, Phil. of Monotheistic Religions) so I'll be free to take my Creative Writing lower division requirement (last one I need) next semester. "But wait, aren't you just majoring in Religious Studies?" you may ask. Well, no. I'm technically double majoring in Religious Studies AND Creative Writing. If I end up at one of school I'm applying to in L.A. I'll be able to do both without much trouble. If I end up at my dream school (yes, I decided to apply despite protests and guilt trips from my mother)), I'll have to either focus on one of those OR opt to merge them together and major in Religion, Literature, and the Arts. Yes, that's the official title of it. I have a lot of options, which I'm really excited about.

I'm also excited that I dropped my Biological Psychology course. Had I mentioned that before? I don't remember. Anyway, I had to drop it. I had begun getting chest pains (and scary ones at that) because the class really stressed me out. The professor was kind of nutty so I decided to take it next semester with another professor. It all works out because I needed two more courses to be considered a full time student next semester and now I have one less to worry about. Of course I ask for saints intercessions when it gets tough but this was one class I just couldn't handle because of the professor's unrealistic expectations.

I ask St. Joseph of Cupertino whenever I am nervous about an exam (which has been twice so far) and I've done very well. St. Thomas Aquinas also gets props because I ask him to intercede for me when I'm at a loss for words in my Philosophy course. Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati is going to be my transfer application patron saint. Why did I choose him? Because a) the way he lived his life inspires me to become a better person, b) he was my age when he went up to heaven, and c) he never got to finish his degree. In fact, he was just about to finish his degree to become a mining engineer when he contracted poliomyelitis and passed away. Since it's taken me this long to finish my own degree (due to illness and taking care of my father for all those years), I thought it was appropriate to ask for his intercession during this process. I'm not going to ask that, through his intercession, I get into my dream school. That would entirely too selfish of me. I'm going to pray that I get into the school that I will learn the most from; where I will be able to help others better. Of course, I want to go to my dream university but if it's not where the Lord wants me, then I won't go there. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I'm leaving it all up to God. May I go and do according to His will, not mine.

You know what? Since I wrote that blog about enjoying being single and giving my heart to God for safe keeping, things have gotten much better. Everything is falling into place. I am less worried about a lot of things. I've been able to enjoy my friendships (with both my girlfriends and guy friends) a lot better. I can see some of my friendships coming to an end, and I'm sad about that, but I can also see why it would be for the best. Leaving it all up to God, yet trying to live my life as best as I can and never giving up on my dreams, is something I should've done a long time ago. *content sigh*

Alright, that's it for now. I'm going to go take a test for my Interpersonal Communication class... two weeks early. Yes, it's not due for another 2 weeks but if I can get it done today I can read the two chapters on Judaism assigned for my Philosophy course. It's all review for me since I've taken similar courses but I still love any excuse I can get to read the Old Testament and then see how various textbooks (authors, really) interpret it. :D And now I'm stalling. lol.

I hope everyone had a great week and weekend. Fingers crossed that I can make it Mass later today (if I feel well enough to walk two miles two and from the nearest parish). As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D



P.S. The book reviews on the Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati books are coming soon. Seriously. Just let me get through the next couple of days (up to Wednesday, max) of class lectures so I can focus solely on the reviews.

Should This Nerd Stay or Go?

It's been over a month since dad died and I'm still attempting to go on with my life as much as I can. Last Tuesday, the 11th, a good friend of mine took my mom and I to the cemetery to leave flowers for dad since it had been a month since he died. I think we're going back on the 22nd to leave him more flowers, since he was buried the 22nd of July. The shock has worn off, the crying comes and goes. I'm also going through the "anger" stage in the mourning process at the moment. I feel upset all the time but I keep it in because I know if I snap it'll be directed towards my mother (who's also going through the anger stage; we're driving each other crazy so we interact as little as possible at the moment) and that would not only be disrespectful, but very hurtful. The last thing I want is to hurt her. I went through the numbness and the shock. I went through the guilt stage pretty quickly because Lord knows I did all I could to help him. The depression stage is supposed to come and go and I already went through a bit of that last week. But while I'm going through all of this, I'm still hopeful and optimistic. It's weird that I've been able to hold onto this throughout everything. I guess I truly am an eternal optimist.

I guess maybe I am still going through a guilt stage... only not over dad's death. With school starting on the 31st for me, I have to start thinking (again) on where I'll apply to for transfer this Fall. I have ruled out Mount St. Mary's College (L.A.) for good, though I was truly happy there. I'm trying to be practical and it would just be too expensive for me to be there for another couple of years. I've been thinking of re-applying to UBC in Vancouver, Canada (where I was originally destined for this Fall) and a couple of univerisities in England because it's always been a dream of mine to attend college outside the States. If I could, without any guilt, I would go to UBC. But I can't exactly do that without thinking things through... and with A LOT of prayer.

See, I have this dilemma right now. For the first time in my college career, I don't have anything keeping me in Los Angeles. Every time in the past, there was something - usually dad's battles with cancer. Now that dad's no longer with us, and I've got a good handle on my anxiety, there's nothing that's really keeping me here... except my mother. The one time I have the ability to be selfish and follow one of my dreams, I can't because I have mom to take care of. I'm fully aware that she's a grown woman and can take care of herself... yet, I still feel responsible for her. In so many ways, I've become the adult in the family. I keep track of things and keep her from doing things (like spending massive amounts of money on things we don't need) that would affect the both of us. She's currently battling another cold... which she got because she didn't listen to me about not taking a shower and then going out at 4 in the morning, a number of times. She was just getting over her bronchitis and I knew the cold, wet hair + cold pre-dawn weather would not help her. It's weird that it's almost like roles have been reversed and now I'm the mother in this relationship. Because of all of this, I feel like I can't go... though I really want to.

Now the question I have is... should I stay or should I go? UBC is my dream school and I think I have a pretty good chance of getting in and doing very well there. I want to be autonomous, which I know I can be, and really enjoy my youth. Of course, doesn't mean I'm going to go crazy -- I just want to go to a top university that offers all the courses I would love to take. Anyway, my idea of a good time is drinking tea and reading a book. lol. AND UBC has both a Newman Center for Catholic students AND a Catholic chapel within the university. That was what sealed the deal for me -- what made me really want to go there. At the same time, I'm afraid to leave my mother. Not afraid because I don't think I can take care of myself, I know I can. I'm afraid of leaving her here because I know she would need me in more ways than one. I'm the only family she has left; I have her AND my brothers and sister left.

It doesn't help that she's starting to guilt trip me into not going anywhere. I honestly can't even go out with my friends, even if it's for a quick bite. She either wants to go with me EVERYWHERE I go, or if I tell her (politely and respectfully) that I'd like some alone time with my friends, she guilt trips me into staying home because she can't come with me. It's both frustrating and understandable. I think this is where part of the "anger" I'm feeling is coming from, and I don't like it. As Fr. Juan told me last week, the opposite of love is anger, so I should really try to get this out of my system. I've started asking St. Jerome for his help in dealing with this impatience/anger/frustration since he had a similar problem when he was alive. I'm not used to feeling this way; it's all very new to me.

Maybe I've felt an inexplicable want/need to be closer to St. Therese of Lisieux because of all of this. She lost her mother at a very young age. She knew her vocation early on as well (though I'm quite sure that my vocation is to be a wife and mother, and not a religious sister). I'm sure there is a lot I can learn from her. This feeling has been building, slowly, over the last couple of weeks. I really need to get my hands on her autobiography. The only book I have on her (which isn't her autobiography) is only a few pages long and is in Spanish. I grew up speaking, reading, and writing Spanish but I've always felt more comfortable doing these things in English. Too bad my school textbooks are costing an arm and a leg, or else I would get myself her autobiography right now. Hmm...

Well, to wrap up this blog, I will say that it looks like I'm going to be undecided for a long time. If at least one of you guys can please help me pray... that I get some sort of clue as to what to do, I'd greatly appreciate it. I might take some time away from the computer, after my London research (which I am doing from home instead of directly from/at London as planned; again, I can't go anywhere. :(), just to do some heavy praying and meditating. I think I'll ask St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, or St. Bridget of Sweden to help mom out (they are two of the many patronesses of widows). Actually... I just realized something VERY weird. A couple of months ago I had a dream that my big brother Moises (who died as an infant) showed me a holy card of St. Catherine of Sweden and told me it was meant for mom... St. Catherine of Sweden was the daughter of St. Bridget of Sweden, who is the patroness of widows. Wow. What a weird coincidence... I'll try finding a prayer card of St. Bridget for mom...

Alright, I think that's enough for now. I think I might go to the San Fernando Mission for a little while (perk of living not too far from it) and see if that doesn't help me with this little anxious feeling I've had all week. No full blown panic attacks yet (thank you, St. Dymphna!). Oh, and btw, I HAVE been working on blogs, one of which has been in draft form on here (not yet published), for a couple of days. That one is taking a bit of research. :D More will come before I go back to school. I hope everyone is doing well and is having a good end of summer.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Ups and Downs; Taking Care of Dad, Round Three; Holy Week.

Boy, I've had two weeks of ups and downs. It's been mostly ups, though.Some of the downers have included not being able to give my pro-life/anti-abortion speech for my Ethics class. The professor said there wasn't time, which really ticked me off because a fellow female classmate gave a pro-choice/pro-abortion speech and I wasn't even given the opportunity to contradict what she said. I worked hard on that speech, too. Grr. One day...

Another downer was that, even though I was happy to have dad home, I wasn't happy over the fact that he was still in pain. He said he'd been in pain for days so he came home early to go to the doctor's. Yesterday the doctor told him he has liver problems... which explains his lack of appetite and pain in his lower back. Not only that, because he's had problems with doctors before, 3 different doctor's have refused to treat him. The oncologist he had reported him for missing appointments (two) and now if he (heaven forbid) gets cancer for a third time, we'll have a difficult time finding him another oncologist. That's just going to make me a stressed out loony because I already had a hard time the second time around.

Unfortunately, I had absolutely NO help from anyone except my mom when my dad was diagnosed with cancer the second time around. The first time hr had cancer my mom and eldest brother did all they could because I was still in high school. Even then, I burnt myself out to finish HS a year and a half early (13 classes in 3 months -- even went 51 straight hours without sleep to finish the last homework assignments), so that I could stay at home and help my dad when no one else was home. This second time around, I asked mom to take care of things financially while I took care of everything else. Looking for a bilingual oncologist, making sure dad got to his chemotherapy appointments, spending hours on the phone fighting Medicare and Medical twice when they threatened to stop his chemotherapy, staying at home to take care of him when he was really sick... and while I had a full load at school. I'm honestly surprised I didn't have some sort of breakdown. I think now you guys understand why my anxiety was horrible last year and the year before. I pray to God that dad doesn't have to suffer through something life threatening again. I don't care about the stress it causes me; I can do what needs to be done, it's not a problem. It's the least I could do for him, especially after all he's done for me my entire life. Anyway, this whole liver problems thing just reminded me of the last time they told him he had cancer. I ended up going up to the San Fernando Mission to see if I could find a prayer card of St. Erasmus, whom I'm told is the patron saint of liver illnesses, but sadly they didn't have any. Still, I'll keep looking and praying that it's something that can be taken care of as soon as possible.

It's weird. I went from being happy that dad was home, and was incredibly happy with the beautiful chapel veil he brought me from Mexico (pictures to come as soon as I get them uploaded), to being worried about him. I'm just going to keep an optimistic look on things and pray for the best.

Something fantastic that happened this week was that, in the midst of my choosing which university I'd transfer to, I received packages and letters from the Catholic college where I'm technically a student at... one of which included a $10,000 scholarship. Not only that, I was surprised that I'm going to receive A LOT in additional grants. When it's all added up, it'll cover over half of my tuition for the year... and it's renewable every year as long as I keep my GPA where it's at right now. It pays to be a nerd! lol. With this, and with me potentially staying at home to take care of my dad again, it's like a sign for me to stay here. The other school I was considering was in England, though I don't want to say which one it was because I don't want anyone giving me a hard time about not going there. I'm hoping to win a few more scholarships so I won't be too much in debt by the time I finish my degree. Ready or not, here I come... and I still won't budge on fighting to keep the school Catholic.

Oh, and did I mention that I totally kicked tush on my Philosophy of Ethics midterm exam? I got my blue book back on Wednesday with a huge red "A" at the top. :D I've passed all my midterm exams thus far. I won't know how I did on my other exams until after Spring Break. It can wait. :D I'm just happy all the cramming I did for my Ethics midterm, that wasn't on St. Thomas Aquinas, paid off. Whoo!

And to keep the happiness going before I end the post... who is looking forward to Holy Week? I certainly am! I'm happy to be able to go to confessions this Saturday (don't know why people complain about doing this), going to Palm Sunday early Sunday morning, and then celebrating Holy Week (including going to church on Holy Thursday) with my brand new chapel veil. That's right, I'm wearing it to the upcoming Masses and I don't care what anyone thinks. *snap* lol. :D I have MANY things planned during the week, which is why I might not post that often once again. It's all for a good cause though. :D

Okay, I've written too much... as usual. I'll try to write more often to make sure the posts don't get this long again. :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.
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