In a nutshell, this week has been one long reflection on my use of social media as well as the fate of this blog. No, I am not closing down this blog. I may one day, but I don't foresee it happening, despite the lack of readership since blogs are no longer "in." But it, along with my use of social media, will be seeing a big change overall. The reason for it? It goes back to my relationship with God and my life as a Benedictine Oblate novice.
Long story short, though I have not been able to get away from screens as much I would've liked (articles need to be written, prayer requests need to be sent, and urgent calls need to be made), I have found a good balance that will work best for me. That was the whole point of this digital detox month and one of the intentions in my novena to the Holy Family at the start of the year. I wanted to learn how to best utilize the internet for good, not just mindless entertainment or a way to waste time. In these last 3+ weeks since I began my digital detox, I've been able to do just that and, in a surprising twist, the events of Tuesday and the subsequent blog post were the turning point for me.
I won't reiterate what happened on Tuesday but I had a feeling it was a teaching moment for me. I wrote as much at the end of the post. What I noticed in the following days was that I ended up feeling, well, uncomfortable about what I wrote. It's all true; I despise lying. But I felt like it was time for me to rethink what I share after feeling like I shouldn't have shared as much as I did on the post. Yes, my health issues are a big part of my journey (they often shape the trajectory of my decisions and actions), but I made the decision to no longer share details or much on that front in general.
I'm going to go the "ninja" route I take for my personal life and not post about them unless it's a major breakthrough or component to my spiritual journey. I once shared so much because I would often get messages from people thanking me for being so open about the struggles. They wrote that it helped them feel like they weren't alone in their own health struggles. But, I no longer feel like I need to do that. In fact, it doesn't feel right.
Instead, I feel like God wants me to focus on the "right, good, and true" that I experience in my life as a Catholic young woman who discerning the vocation of consecrated virginity and on the brink of making her Final Act of Oblation as a Benedictine Oblate. So, that's what I'm going to do. Basically, I'm going to focus on writing about my spiritual journey. It echoes the decision I made when I opened my public Instagram account where I share faith-based pictures and reflections. Trust me, there is a lot that I can write about just on my discernment of consecrated virginity alone.
The biggest reason for this is because, as I said, I feel like this is what God is calling me to do. Some people are great speakers and evangelizers. I'm not one of them. I'm not a great speaker; I stumble on and mumbles my words. I don' have that confidence speaking out on the faith as apologists do because I'm so worried about unintentionally leading people astray. That's why I write. I can think about what I want to say before I say it. I often write about what I do know and most of that is based on my own experience and studies. (Side note: what an appropriate day to say this; happy feast of St. Francis de Sales, patron of writers!). I feel like God has given me a gift of being able to connect with others through the written word and that's why I continue to write.
Furthermore, I've been reflecting on The Rule of St. Benedict and how he asked his monks not to speak unless necessary; to be careful with the words they used. My beloved monks of Norcia have begun using sign language and speak as little as often (read: only when necessary) for the same reason. As an Oblate novice, this got me thinking about how I use words... and how careless I can be with them. I was a chatterbox as a child but, as I got older and became more introverted, that changed. Social media gave me a reason to return to my chatterbox ways... but I've seen just how shallow and utterly pointless some of those words can be. So, I'm going to take a cue from my spiritual father (St. Benedict) and spiritual home (Norcia) and be more careful with my words. I'm also going to do this in person but I don't see most of y'all offline so this just an additional "heads up" to friends I do actually see and talk to offline.
I made this decision before I read the National Catholic Register's article on Catholics' reflections on the last decade of social media. Reading it just reaffirmed the decision to use social media as sparingly as possible and to be more careful about what I share on it and on this blog. It feels like the right time to step back and be more intentional with the use of both the blog and social media. I guess the Holy Family did listen to my prayers because I'm starting to see the fruit of it.
Of course, there's more that goes along with this decision but those changes are of slightly different natures so I'll just leave that for the next post. All I'm going to say is that this digital detox month has been good for me. I feel calmer and less stressed out. I feel less pressured to be "on" at all times. And, most importantly, I like the transformation that's begun internally. God is definitely still making big changes in my life; changes for the better. :)
That is it for now. Thank you all so much for your continued prayers; you are all in mine. :)
As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D
