St. Therese Has Been Schooling Me

(This is the second post of the three-part series I started last weekend.)

I wanted to do something special for St. Therese of Lisieux's feast day last week but, sadly, things did not go as planned. I didn't go to Trader Joes to get some roses (the blog post picture is from a couple of years ago). I did not make any delicious French food. I was not able to watch Therese. The only thing that I was able to do was the novena and that was because Pray More Novena sent me the daily prayers/reminders every day. Little did I know that that novena would bring on a couple of changes... including one big one that was a long time coming.

St. Therese, like Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati and St. Francis de Sales, has been randomly popping up in my life lately. She and Bl. PGF were my patrons during my time at my CINO college alma mater so it seemed appropriate that she should once again pop up during my (hopefully) last academic year of this degree/program. When I started the novena, I had no particular intentions. On the first day, I winged it. I asked for her intercession on a couple of things including vocation patience (something we single gals in our 30s occasionally struggle with), motivation in school, and for help from my mom's physical pain.

The three big ones were:

• that I become less selfish and more selfless, 
• that I learn how to be more detached from earthly things, 
• and that I do and see the joy in the little things as she did. 

I'll get to these intentions a little later in the blog post since you're probably wondering how St. Therese schooled me this past week. No, it was not a clickbait title; she really did show me a lot of things that I need to work on.

In the past, I've received the compliment that I've reminded people of St. Therese. To be honest, I usually don't believe these kind words but I thank those who say them to me nonetheless. It wasn't until this past week that I wondered if they saw something I did see... and not necessarily in a good way.

Most of us think of St. Therese as being selfless, gentle, meek, child-like, innocent, and deeply pious. That's how I thought about her for the longest time. A lot of people (a surprising amount of people from what I've seen on Twitter) have an intense dislike of St. Therese because of her "flowery words" and "saccharine personality" rubs people the wrong way. I guess I kind of see that but I tend to sort of lean towards that myself (trust me, these blog posts could be a lot worse, lol) so I think of her as a kindred spirit.

I'm willing to bet that many people either don't know or (most likely) forget that St. Therese went through periods of depression and was extremely sensitive. She suffered from obsessive-compulsive disorder and was scrupulous as a result. When she was a child, she threw epic temper tantrums, she had a lot of "excessive self-love" (as she describes it in Story of a Soul), and as a spoiled, selfish child. A question to those who've known me for years and have seen me at my worst: does that remind you of anyone? Yeah...

Like St. Therese, I've always been sensitive. We now have the term "highly sensitive person (HSP)" which my own childhood doctor. My system is just more sensitive to things, emotional and physical stimuli such as foods and medications. (I've even written a blog post on this topic). I express intense joy, anger, and heartache in tears. I've battled with depression and anxiety (on and off) for years, though it has lessened in recent years. I've definitely struggled with falling into scrupulosity if I'm not careful and don't constantly remind myself that God's love and mercy are greater than my sins; it's something I've been trying to work through for years. According to my mother, I also threw my fair share of tantrums (though she says it's because I was brought up as an only child).

I wasn't materially spoiled... but I was spoiled in other ways. My parents asked me not to work while I was in school so I could focus solely on that (and this was prior to my health issues). I've never had to pay for rent or anything like that though I do financially contribute as much as I can when I have an income. My mother, as much as she means well, will shoo me away from the kitchen (she will literally, yet gently, push me out of the way and take utensils out of my hand at times) and cook my food when she's home (and not in physical pain).

The sad thing is that I didn't realize these things until recently... around the time that St. Therese started reappearing in my life. Like I said in last Saturday's blog post, struggling with schoolwork is something that (still) challenges my academic pride and vanity. My breakdown two weeks-ish ago had nothing to do with that but it certainly didn't help to be reminded of how things once came much easier to me. I've recently been trying to work on things that have made my ego much larger than was healthy... and which will part of tomorrow's blog post. Let's just say that the St. Therese novena and having her presence in my life have been helping.

Like I said earlier in this post, I just asked for whatever came to mind when I started the novena. I'm sure the Holy Spirit was behind that because I've come to realize, a week and some days later, that it was exactly what I needed. I've actually been praying to become more detached from worldly things since I did the 54-day Rosary novena last year but I thought St. Therese would be another good intercessor for this particular intention. Obviously, she did not disappoint. lol.

It's still too early to see any noticeable results when it comes to my petitions but I have been trying to get better at these in little ways that I can do. I made a massive step towards getting better at the second big intention one... but you'll have to wait until the next blog post for more on that because this post is already too long. ;)

Before I wrap up this post I just want to say that I'm grateful that God continues to use saintly examples, like St. Therese, to help us become better versions than ourselves. While I don't anticipate ever being compared to St. Therese again (especially not when it comes in the form of a compliment because I'm nowhere near as awesome as she was), I'm also grateful to those who've helped me see that I have a kindred spirit in her... and that she can serve as a wonderful reminder of how much a person can change for the better once we place all of our love and trust in God.

I hope to have the third (and last) part up on Friday. I've actually written this the afternoon (into the evening) of the 7th. As I write this, I don't know if it'll be scheduled ahead of time (like this one has been) or if I'll just write it on Friday but that is the goal and I hope I can pull it off. :)

May God continue giving y'all a lovely week (or may He grant you a better week than you've had thus far).

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Mass Adventures and Mournful Tears

Well, it finally happened. I made it Mass! Can you hear the angelic choir singing? I can. Oh wait, that was the choir at the High Mass I attended Sunday night. lol. I must admit that I so desperately wanted my first Mass back (from illness) to be a Latin Mass, specifically on All Saints' Day since it's one of my favorite feast days. For reasons I've already sort-of explained, it didn't happen on All Saints' Day but I did go Sunday. That itself was an adventure.

My poor mama got food poisoning earlier in the day and I wanted to cancel our scheduled trips to and from the local Latin Mass but she wouldn't let me. Even an hour before we had to leave, she was still feeling poorly. I was prepared to attend Mass closer to home (anything to get her to Mass; she won't go if I don't take her with me) but she said that she knew how much I wanted to attend a Latin Mass so she sacrificed her comfort for me.

We arrived at the church a few minutes before the Mass began and I got to meet a Twitter friend in person, which was lovely. I made it through the Mass despite the use of incense. Sure, I got a bit lightheaded towards the end but nothing I can't handle in small doses. The only thing I wasn't happy with was that I still can't kneel for long periods of time because I'm still in recovery mode. Still, that is something that I'll be working on and God knows what I can and can't do with where I am, physically.

We left the parish almost immediately after the Mass was over since the taxi had arrived early and they won't wait more than 5 minutes after your assigned time. On the way back home, we had a close encounter with a driver who decided they wanted to merge into our lane... while we were occupying it. I'm so grateful to our guardian angels and our fast thinking/acting taxi driver. Before we got home, a high-speed chase flew by us with about a good half dozen (if not more) police cars following the car. That was a first for this L.A. native; I'd only seen them on TV before Sunday. Needless to say, my poor mother arrived home shaking and very anxious. I think she was still nervous yesterday morning when I drove her to work. I'm pretty sure she won't go to the Sunday night Latin Mass with me until we have Daylight Saving Time again. lol. See? I told you it was an adventure.

I was still on a Mass high (first time receiving the Eucharist in almost two months!) on Monday when I received the terrible news that one of the kindest people I've ever met had passed away. As I mentioned a few weeks ago,, I was able to secure free exam proctoring at my CINO college alma mater. Being a distance education student at a university out of state, we have to get our exams proctored. Most proctors charge $20+ (average is about $40) per exam (or per hour) so I reached out to Ms. Michele Lewis (that was her name) to ask if either my alma mater had proctoring for former students or if she knew of someone who didn't charge an arm and a leg. She was "taking the semester off" for the Fall semester but she arranged it so that I could take my exams on campus free of charge (instead of charging $30 per exam), not only for the Fall semester but the entire school year, until my tentative graduation date in early May.

I went through my usual routine yesterday morning. I made breakfast, praying the Little Office before leaving, battled morning rush hour traffic, and went through my flashcards before taking my exam. Since I was to take my exam in Ms. Lewis' office, I decided to ask how she was doing. Immediately, I knew I was in for some surprising news but I wasn't expecting the worst. I was told "take your exam first and then we'll talk." After taking the exam, I was getting ready to leave when my current proctor asked me to follow her back into Ms. Lewis' office. She told me to sit down and then she dropped the bomb on me -- Ms. Lewis had passed away. I was shocked. I was expecting to hear that she'd left the school for another job but wasn't expecting this news. I tried to keep myself from tearing up but I couldn't hold it in. I left the office in a sort of daze and walked up the steep hill to the center of the campus where I found a bunch and try to catch my breath.

I had a few minutes to reflect on the news I'd been given before I had to come back home. I sat on the familiar bench I've used since my time as an undergrad and I teared up. I looked at the chapel on campus and at the beautiful statue of Mama Mary in front of the chapel, in the middle of the campus center. I remembered the Ms. Lewis' kindness. As an undergrad, she'd helped secure me extra time (which I never needed) and a quiet room to do my exams in when my anxiety was so bad that I couldn't concentrate in classrooms. When I had issues with the music professor who made me cry in her classroom (some of you may remember how poorly I was treated at my alma mater), she helped me sort things out. Before I graduated, she sat down with me and gave me post-graduation advice about what careers options that I still remember and keep in mind 4.5 years later. At graduation, she arranged it so that I could sit close to my family and to an exit in case I wanted to leave early (again, when my anxiety was so bad that feeling trapped in crowded places set off panic attacks). Her last act of kindness was getting me these exams proctored for free.

I'm still tear up when I think that she's gone but I'm grateful for everything she did. She was beloved by student, staff, and alumni for a good reason. I remember her being a kind, generous, and gentle soul who went above and beyond to help students succeed. Not just with me; fellow alumni friends have remarked about what a lovely woman she was. I remember what Fr. M said about the souls in purgatory at Sunday's Mass, about how important it is to pray for them. I will be sure to have a Mass said for her as well as pray for her whenever she comes to mind. Rest in peace, Ms. Michele Lewis. Thank you for being a rose in a bramble of thorns.

I didn't mean for this post to end on such a downer so I'll say this: while it's sad that she has passed, at least she's not suffering. It's the same consolation I have about my father's death -- it hurts that they're no longer here but they left behind beautiful memories that I'll always cherish; that have made me a better person. :)

Anyway, I need to go pick up my mom from work and then we're going to go vote so that's it for now. :)

I hope y'all are having a lovely week thus far... or, as sane as possible. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Back to the Scene of the Crime; CINO College Return

No, I did not commit an actual crime... but I did return to my alma mater. (insert smirk)

Before I go on, I'm going to point you new folks to the following blog posts from my time at that school because, well, I had a very interesting time at this school. A "traddie" leaning Catholic at a liberal "Catholic" college? Read for yourselves:
- First Impressions
- Back To School Week From Heck
- CINO (Catholic in Name Only) and Double Majors -- the most popular blog post for many years
- I'm Undercover at the CINO...
- The Lone Ranger Plus One
- It's Finally Happened...
- Quick Question... (CINO College Related)
- Ooh, My CINO College is in Trouble...
- Profs Don't Like Me But Like Abortion
- Well, I'm Not Stopping...
- Emmy, Defender of the Pope and Priests? 
- Lecture Notes from My CINO College Alma Mater

I attended my CINO college alma mater from 2010 to 2012, graduating in May 2012. The last time I was on campus (May 5, 2012) was for the Baccalaureate Mass since it's a "Catholic" (yep, still using those quotation marks) school. I said "I'm free! I'm never coming back here! Peace out, suckers!" Yeeeah. 4 years, 4 months, and 12 days later I set foot on campus once again and I've been there twice in the past week.

Prior to the beginning of this semester I couldn't find proctor that didn't charge an arm and a leg to get my exams proctored. Since I'm attending Utah State as a distance education/online student, I need to get all my exams (except, obviously, those that are open book) proctored. I didn't have that issue during my brief stint at JP Catholic because they trusted us to be truthful and not cheat during our exams but USU is a little more... cautious. I spent a couple of days emailing and/or waiting for responses from local schools about my exams. Only one said they were able to do it (and for free since I'm an alumna) -- my CINO college alma mater.

I was a little nervous about returning because of how I left; I was not liked when I was at that school. I shed a lot of tears and I was made to feel like a religious freak weirdo person because I wasn't a "liberal" like them. I still remember the looks I got when I veiled at the Red Mass my first year there; I was openly "traddie" and it was odd for them. I'm pretty sure at least one staff member/professor has read this blog at some point to make sure I wasn't outing them by name. (side note: for the record, I've never publicly named it for legal matters; they like to sue people.) I wasn't sure if I was going to see any of my former professors (who, I believe, are still working there) so it was going to be interesting for me. So far I haven't seen any professors but I still have 7 more months of exams that are getting proctored so there's always a chance I might.

The weird thing about my return was how at peace and at home I felt. No, really. It may because I've always felt at peace on campus (outside of the classroom, of course); being so close to the school chapel and spending so much time in there by myself when I was a student probably helped. Being surrounded by the beauty of nature, seeing so many beautiful statues... remembering what I went through, I loved it. I genuinely loved the couple of hours I was on campus this and last week. I even thought "well... this is always an option to get an Education MS with an emphasis on speech impaired and deaf students." (side note #2: yes, they offer the degree with that emphasis and it would go along with the current degree I'm working towards.) And, if that wasn't enough, it made me feel the way I felt when I was at that school: so in love with the Church and the faith that I couldn't (and still can't, to be honest) see myself doing anything else. It was like the return to campus rekindled the fire to learn as much as I could about the faith to teach younger generations the beauty and truth of the Church.

You know that horrible spiritual dryness I endured for weeks during this (late) summer? It's like it never happened. I was slowly coming out of it but my return to that school erased whatever remained of it. In fact, I was -- dare I say -- joyful. I was so happy; smiling and laughing and being a lot more charitable than I've felt in recent weeks. I haven't felt so at peace with everything for a long, long time. Passing 2 of my 3 exams (I failed one) and not having much time to study for the exams hasn't dampered my spirits. I even said to myself -- while I had a private, prayerful moment, on campus, prior to the exams -- that if I didn't pass my courses well enough to finish the degree, I would return to get my Theology MA. I was happy and at peace with that thought, too. For the record, I'm not saying I'm jumping ship on this degree or returning to JP Catholic but I'm open to whatever God has in store for me. If it's His will that I don't finish this degree for whatever reason or if He wants me to do something else, I'm totally onboard.

The point to this blog post is to say that I'm really glad I returned to my alma mater because it's helped me find myself and renew that faith once again... at the "Catholic" college where there are female (occasionally nun) professors who drag priests and Pope (Emeritus) Benedict XVI through the mud... and say it's okay for us to say that God is a woman. It's weird, right? Yep, keep surprising me, God. Now that I've quit making long-term plans, I can't wait to see what He has in store for me next. I have a feeling I'll get a lot more clarity as I continue to spend time on campus before and after exams.

Anyway, I want to rest my eyes and mind from all the non-stop studying and screen time so I'm going to go try to finish My Beloved: The Story of a Catholic Nun by Mother Catherine Thomas. Shout out to the Los Angeles Public Library for having a copy for me to read! (Shameless plug, you can also check out my author profile at Goodreads  -- if you haven't already -- while you're on the Goodreads website.)

I hope y'all are having a lovely start of the week!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Celebrating 3 Years Since Graduation

I can't believe it's been 3 years since I graduated from my CINO college (which has a university status as of last fall) alma mater. It seems like only yesterday I was nervously walking across the stage at the Gibson Amphitheater, cheeks bright red since I didn't like the attention... or my face on the big screen. lol. To celebrate the 3 years of freedom (ha!), I thought I'd share with y'all the top 9 posts from my time at that prison, in chronological order. ;)

1.  October 25, 2010: CINO (Catholic In Name Only) and Double Majors The post that blew up everywhere (even made it into First Things) and start my posts about my alma mater.

2. December 2, 2010: I'm Undercover at the CINO... Follow-up to the first post, further explaining my decision of attending the school.

3. September 9, 2011: It's Finally Happened... My surprise at one of the handful of lectures that were actual orthodox during my time as a Religious Studies major.

4. September 15, 2011: I Finally Watched The Passion... Sort Of. What happened the first time this Religious Studies major watched The Passion with her classmates.

5. December 23, 2011: Ooh, My CINO College is in Trouble... The one in which a professor confirms that they're not supposed to teach what is taught on campus.

6. January 12, 2012: Profs Don't Like Me But Like Abortion Yep, abortion is praised during a lecture.

7. February 29, 2012: Well, I'm Not Stopping... People started referring to me as "the girl with the blog" on campus.

8. April 12, 2012: Emmy, Defender of the Pope and Priests? New confessor inspires me to fight for the Pope and priests after hearing what is said about clergy during lectures.

9. May 8, 2012: I'm Officially a College Graduate. Recap from exactly 3 years ago, today, of the graduation ceremony and the two years I spent at the school.

Hope you enjoy the trip down memory lane if you've read this blog long enough. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Lecture Notes From My CINO College Alma Mater

Two things happened today:

1) I received the enrollment agreement to JP Catholic (where I'll be working towards my Biblical Theology MA) and
2) I found (without looking for them) notes from my CINO college alma mater. 

These aren't all the notes I took but I remember that I put these aside in case I ever needed them as proof of what was (and most likely still is) taught at my alma mater. After sharing some of them on Twitter, I was encouraged to make a blog post with more "gems" from this *lovely* school. 

I'm going to warn you, some of them may have you seeing red. It definitely made me upset all over again, and I graduated a couple of years ago. Again, these aren't all the notes but some of these were amongst the most offensive.

Direct quotes from lectures and handouts from my CINO college alma mater:
- "Jesus was prejudice."

- "Jesus was adopted by God."
- Gospels show hostility towards Jews.

- "Gay writers: Jesus was a gay man on basis of relationship with 'beloved disciple' of John's gospel." 

- "Heterosexuality is a sin."

- "Don't believe Bible is absolute." (from video shown in class)

- "Religion is the new slave master." (from video shown in class)

- "Our Lady comes from a goddess." (from video shown in class)

- "You don't need to know more; your body is the original text." (from video shown in class)

- "Notion of virginity is culturally constructed and not from God."

- "At various times of your life you fluctuate between hetero- and homosexuality."

- "We're not sure about how Jesus came to be."

- "Jesus had brothers and sisters, not cousins."

- "Virgin Mary didn't remain a virgin."

- "Hell may not exist."

- Nun prof.: "(I'm) smarter than (the) priests and they know it."
- "Our Lady of Guadalupe was an Indian goddess that the Catholic Church adapted to convert." (documentary video shown in class.)

- "Christianity is a religion of domination."
- "Bible is oppressive."

- Nun. prof.: "(I don't) agree 100% with the Catholic Church and no one should."

- "(Pope Benedict XVI is) a rat with big red shoes."

- "It's the Holy Spirit that riles anger in us."

- "God's going to get you in your curiosity."

- (Paraphrased) "We're apathetic lemmings who don't know how to take care of ourselves."

- "Church is patriarchal, sexist, homophobic, hypocritical."

- Nun prof.: "I'm sick and tired of this Son of God cr*p."

- "People paid attention to Jesus because he was male."

- "Story of Genesis is false; there was no Adam or Eve."

- "Church is oppressive/oppressor."

- "White magic is good; black magic is bad."

- "Santeria is compatible with Christianity."

- "Sin of Sodom was lack of hospitality."

- Prof.: "God is a child abuser." (In my notes I wrote "forgive her, Lord.")

Who is as nauseated as I am? I have a list of more quotes that I don't have time to access right now but would if necessary (i.e. if Abp. Gomez were to need them as proof.)

This was not posted to get you all riled up. Those of you who have been reading the blog for years know just how bad it was for me when I was attending my alma mater; how many tears were shed, how many dirty looks I endured, how many assignments were marked down, etc. I share these things so that others won't make the same mistake that I made.

If you have children considering going to a Catholic college/university, please make sure that they're going to an orthodox school. If you yourself are considering it, please do your research. I made the mistake of not really looking into the school and by the time I found out what was taught, it was too late. If you want to read the blog post I wrote when I was in my first semester at the CINO College, you can find it here; the follow-up post (explaining why I attended the CINO college and why I stayed) is found here.

I don't think it's a coincidence that I found these notes the same day that I received the enrollment agreement from JP Catholic... and on the 10th anniversary of Pope St. John Paul II's death. If anything, finding these notes just reaffirmed my want/need to better educate myself so that I can help others better understand the Church... and fight what is being taught at "Catholic" schools.

Anyway, this is all I wanted to share for now. I need to go get ready for the start of Mass. :D

I hope y'all have a fruitful rest of Holy Week... and a friendly reminder that praying Rosary and focusing on the fifth Luminous mystery tonight would not hurt. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Dear Student Headed Back to a Public or CINO School...

Dear Student Headed Back to a Public or CINO School,

congrats on returning to school this Fall semester! If you're a freshman, good luck on your new journey. If you're just continuing, good luck on the rest of your journey. If you're a senior, you're almost done! It'll go by faster than you'll expect so enjoy every moment. :D

Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, I'd like to address issues I've seen (and, unfortunately, continue to see) as a faithful Catholic at a not-so-orthodox school. It's really hard holding onto your beliefs and/or being vocal about them at a place where Catholicism and/or religion is seen as something that needs reform and/or to be squashed. I saw it when I was at public community colleges (I didn't get a chance to give my pro-life rebuttal in an abortion debate in a Philosophy course despite the pro-choice student having the opportunity to present her side).

As an undergrad, I saw it when I was at a "Catholic" (in name only; CINO) college in which they openly defied documents they signed (and admitted to signing) stating that they could not teach liberation theology, spoke ill of priests, called Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI a "super rat in red shoes", was made to read questionable books and sit through terrible lectures, and suffered through so much crumbs that I've often been told I should write in detail about what I endured (which I will, when it's least expected).

As a post-BA/pre-MS SLP (speech-language pathology) student, I'm still seeing it in a class. Admittedly, it's only been one professor in a non-SLP course because my school (Utah State University; public university) is in "Mormon country" and all my other professors and classmates have seemed more openly pro-life and/or conservative; even more so than at my "Catholic" alma mater.

The point is that, unless you're at one of the wonderfully orthodox Catholic colleges, you'll more than likely encounter the same or similar stories. You will be tempted to stay silent because your professor will allow those with more "liberal" beliefs to speak out while suppressing those who are more "conservative" (the stories I could tell). You may have professors who will give you dirty looks or refuse to let you speak out in class... or even make you cry in class because of their hostility (been there). You will face so many challenges that will make you want to either "tone down" your beliefs and/or simply stay silent. To that I say: don't you dare!

If you're still a theology "newbie" or don't understand the Church teachings regarding some topics (abortion, gay marriage, and celibacy are the big ones that almost always come up), do the research from legitimate theologians and/or Catholic apologists. I was blessed to have a friend, who is also a Catholic apologist, in my corner (as well as other incredibly savvy friends) who encouraged me and supplied me with the knowledge (many times, books) I needed to be able to form the counterargument needed in class. Educate yourself instead of going along with what some professors "teach" you. If it sounds sketchy, look it up yourself. You would (or maybe wouldn't) be surprised at how many of my previously orthodox classmates were taken over to the "dark side" (no, they don't have cookies, either) because they believed that the professors wouldn't lead them astray. It was painful to watch. (side note: although, I'll admit, I did get at least one person out of my alma mater when I did some "underground" work letting friends and classmates know that what was being taught wasn't orthodox).

If you live on-campus or away from home, don't alter your prayer life too much. If you need to do some time management and schedule in some prayer time in the middle of the craziness, do it! Don't say "oh, I'll do it later" because no, you most likely won't do it later. Don't stop attending Mass. Not only is it a mortal sin to not attend Sunday Mass (or Saturday Vigil Mass) without a legitimate reason, it's also going to make it harder for you to keep your faith in one piece. You can say that you're a "strong and faithful Catholic" all you want but college and independence always come with temptations that will attempt to pull you away from God.

I'm going to share something I don't think I've ever shared on this blog (or outside my close circle of friends) before: though I commuted to school, there were still a variety of temptations that popped up. On a number of occasions, I was invited to "hang out" (or, sometimes, straight out getting invited to "spend the night"/"sleep with... for fun; no strings attached") at the apartments of male classmates. A big NOPE. Invites to go out drinking when I was underage? I always passed. (side note: I still don't drink alcohol but that's more because a) I've never been drawn to drinking and b) doctors have suggested I abstain from alcohol for health (anxiety) reasons.) If you're old enough to drink, I have nothing against it; just don't get so drunk that your judgment is impaired. I was one of the fortunate few who was never invited to try drugs but I wouldn't have regardless. Ditching class? Invited to do. Cheat on exams? Definitely had those temptations (but I couldn't/can't). Doing things that would harm me (mentally, psychologically, physically, spiritually) in some way? Had at least one per day.

My tips for staying Catholic in college: If you're able to, attend daily Mass. You don't know what a blessing it was for me to be able to do it whenever I didn't have morning classes. Go to confession as frequently as you need to. Pray the Rosary and/or Chaplet of the Divine Mercy daily if possible. Keep praying throughout the day (when you wake up, at meal times, before bed). Offer up anything that may upset you (I personally used St. Therese sacrifice beads during my time at the CINO college). Do novenas. Surround yourself with other faithful Catholics. Get a spiritual director if you don't already have one. Etc etc. There are so many things you can do to keep your faith intact and so many wonderful people willing to help you along the way. If you stumble along the way, remember that you can always try again. We're human and we will all fail at doing something from time to time but we can always pick ourselves up, confess it (if it must be), and start again.

Also, my personal, "no fail" list of patron saints for students:
- Holy Spirit (especially during exam weeks or hard courses)
- St. Thomas Aquinas (patron of students)
- St. Joseph of Cupertino (patron of exam takers)
- Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati (personal academic patron; died one exam short of completing degree, highly recommended for college students)
- look up the patron of the career you've chosen (i.e. St. Drogo for us SLPs-in-training)

This blog post is getting too long so I'll conclude with this: don't be afraid to speak up about your faith and/or your beliefs. If you don't believe yourself capable of defending your faith, read up on it for the next time. We are called to speak the Truth, even if others don't want to hear it. It may not make you popular in this world, but isn't it our goal to reach Heaven and not please those here on earth?

And with that, I must return to my own studies. I have a couple of things due within the next week and I want to finish them as early as possible (read: I want to have some free time without stressing about meeting deadlines).

Good luck, everyone! Remember to not give up or, as Bl. Pier Giorgio used to say, "Verso l'alto!"

Sincerely,

7 Quick Takes, Vol.19: Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati Edition

First, I want to wish all my fellow Americans a Happy Independence Day. Be safe and have fun during your celebrations.

Today is the feast day of my favorite soon-to-be saint, Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati. I was actually kind of sad that I ended the novena yesterday because I noticed the difference in my outlook on life during the novena. While the personal intention is private, I will say that it definitely helped me reevaluate certain things that had been on my mind (including a big decision I've had to make). So, in honor of the saint I've adopted as my "spiritual big brother", here's 7 ways Bl. PGF has helped me throughout 20s.

-- 1 --

I first became acquainted with Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati during the 2008 World Youth Day celebrations in Sydney. I didn't personally go to Sydney but I did follow it via the XT3 (when it was still a brand new website; yes, I'm still on it though I don't actively participate as much these days). While it took me a couple of months to actually look up his story, I was immediately impressed with it; so much courage, faith, and love for Christ in such a short time on this earth. It was two years after my reversion and I didn't know how he would help shape the rest of my 20s.

-- 2 --

This was the first year (in years) that I didn't do the Bl. PGF novena on this blog because I knew I wouldn't have the time. I didn't forget to do the novena (I finished it last night) but I also knew that I didn't have the time to either post it every day or even schedule it ahead of time because of how crunched for time I've been with school lately. I'm barely getting time to study for exams (though I do have an hour today... hence this blog post) but I hope to resume the tradition next year. If you've never done the novena, I highly recommend it. I've personally seen the difference in the way I think and act (in a good way) while I do the novena and the effects stay with me for a good, long while. Do it! You'll love it.

-- 3 -- 

I believe that Bl. PGF helped me during my father's death. As I wrote last year, there was some similarities between Bl. PGF's death and my father's death. One thing that I just realized (while writing this post) is that Bl. PGF died at the age of 24, while I had my father on this earth for the first 24 years of my life. Anyway, I prayed for Bl. PGF's intercession when my father was in the hospital (I even placed a picture of Bl. PGF in front of my dad's bed). On his feast day, 5 years ago today, I asked him for a miracle. We didn't quite get the miracle we wanted but I do feel like Bl. PGF intercede in another way. I believe that through his intercession (as well as the prayers from everyone else), I was able to keep it together. I didn't fall apart, which is what most people probably expect. If you've read the blog post I wrote after my father's funeral, you can see what I mean. This hasn't been the only time Bl. PGF has intercede for me.

-- 4 --

Readers of this blog who've stuck around since either before or while I was at my dreadful alma mater (and I say dreadful because of their CINO ways) know that I was pretty miserable at the school because of the things that were "taught" there. Bl. PGF and St. Therese of Lisieux both helped me during my two years there. St. Therese helped remind me to counter some of the dirty looks I received with love. Bl. PGF helped remind me that I had to fight so that the Truth would be heard by my classmates. While I wasn't unable to speak up during the majority of the lectures (my professors quickly knew where I stood in my beliefs), I was still able to do little things to counter the unorthodox liberation theology we were exposed to.

-- 5 -- 

Who is responsible for my daily Mass addiction? Take one guess. lol. Over the years I've become a big fan of attending daily Mass. Reading about how much Bl. PGF loved to attend daily Mass and receiving the Eucharist has inspired me to do the same. When my anxiety was worse (years before it was officially diagnosed as PTSD) and I wanted to receive the Eucharist, I would try to imagine him standing next to me, holding me up (with Mama Mary or St. Therese at my other side) when I would feel as if my knees would buckle under me. While it's been a while since I've attended daily Mass (the fatigue I've felt over the last 2-3 months has been intense at times), I've been wanting to renew my daily trips. I hope to do so starting tomorrow. :)

-- 6 --

If you want to learn more about Bl. PGF, I'd recommend reading A Man of the Beatitudes: Pier Giorgio Frassati by his sister Luciana, My Brother Pier Giorgio: His Final Days also by Luciana, and/or Pier Giorgio Frassati: Letters to His Friends and Family edited by Fr. Timothy E. Deeter and Christine M. Wohar. I've read (but not finished all; oops) all three and I highly recommend them. I still have to finish the book on his Letters but it's been so beautiful and encouraging thus far. Oh! Brandon Vogt is giving away the Man of the Beatitudes book AND a DVD on the EWTN special they did on Bl. PGF (which I also own). I thought I'd pass it along if y'all wanted a chance to win. Go. Do it!

-- 7 --

This is my Bl. PGF Tiny Saint that my mom bought me at the Cathedral a few months ago. He goes everywhere with me, along with the Mary Undoer of Knots key chain that Angelica sent me for Christmas. As I continue to discern joining the Dominican lay order (guess who inspired me to look into becoming a Dominican, even though I was originally headed down the Carmelite path), I shall continue to keep my "spiritual big brother" as a role model. It doesn't matter that I am now older than he was while he was on this earth, I know that he will continue to look after me as any big brother would over his little sister. :)

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

And that is all the fangirling I have a chance to do at this time. lol. I have lunch to take care of, a mother to pick up from work, and two exams/quizzes to study for. Did I mention that we COMD students don't get holidays off? Working straight until (at least) the end of this month. ;)

I hope y'all are doing well. If you have any prayer requests, send them my way. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

7 Quick Takes Vol. 15: I Shall Be Irish Edition

-- 1 -- 

I've been pretty much confined to my bed over the last couple of days for a number of reasons (one after another) so I've been distracting my anxiety over being sick with genealogy. My mother is adopted but I've been able to get up to my 3rd great-grandparents on her side, which is exciting. I'm currently in the 4th great-grandparents on my dad's side through my granddad. It's all terribly fascinating though sometimes it's really hard to decipher the priests' handwriting... or even read it because the ink is so faded. Still, a fun pastime for me.

-- 2 --

If you've read this blog long enough, you know that I'm a hardcore Hibernophile. A hibernophile is someone who is fond of Ireland, Irish culture, etc. If my trying to win a trip to Ireland by posting the link on Twitter (which is super rare for me; I hate doing that) didn't tip you off, then I don't know what to tell you. lol. Anyway, I have always loved Ireland and I've always had a feeling that we had an Irish branch somewhere in the family. There's too many light-eyed (grey to blue), redheaded people in the family not to have some connection. Just take a look at my middle brother who is uber ginger and proud. Anyway, last night I found that my 4th great-grandmother on granddad's side has a weird surname that has links to both Spain and Ireland... and Ireland as far back as 1139 AD. I am hoping this is what I'm looking for. I shall be Irish somehow... lol.

-- 3 -- 

Speaking of Ireland, I've been doing the St. Patrick novena with Allison and Jane of The Cath Sisters' Blog. It's been a good novena; the first I've done for St. Patrick. It's one of three I have going on at the same time, St. Patrick, St. Joseph, and St. Benedict all have their novenas being prayed. :D I can't remember the last time I did three at a time but I like it. It helps me with my prayer procrastination.

-- 4 --

I was planning on going to the Los Angeles Religious Education Congress tomorrow but between my cold and my car deciding not to start, it looks like it won't happen. Of course. Every year something comes up and I end up not being able to go. Something tells me I shouldn't go... for whatever reason. Maybe I won't be able to handle the reported liturgical abuses that occur at it. I say "reported" because I've never attended one and so I can't say if it's true for myself.

-- 5 --

It's too bad about the L.A. REC since I was looking forward to having a staring contest with the reps from my CINO college alma mater. (side note: for those who don't know, CINO stands for Catholic in Name Only.) They have a booth there every year and, more likely than not, my former academic adviser (who called Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI a 'super rat with red shoes') was going to be there. They've been sending stuff to my house and email about going back for my Master's. Ha! Never going to happen. I had enough nights of panic attacks and almost nervous breakdowns to last a lifetime. That and I'm almost positive they'll kick me out for being "too traditional", something I barely got away with last time.

-- 6 -- 

Is it just me or is Lent going by really fast this year? It feels like it. Sure, I keep struggling to write and to keep all my other Lenten penances but I am trying. Still, I am learning to be easier on myself, which, funny enough, is something priests have often left me as penance after confession. It seems I'm too hard on myself and I don't give myself enough slack so... I'm trying. I think it's just the perfectionist in me.

-- 7 --

Words of wisdom from tumblr. How many of us can say we've forgiven every person who has done us wrong? Think about it.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

And that's it for now. I'm going to to ask a mechanic neighbor of mine to take a look at my car. The AAA tow guy (who, by the way, was kind enough to remind us that we don't eat meat today when we saw that we got stranded on our way from Jack in the Box; we had fries and fish filet) thinks it may be something connected with the gas tank or it isn't getting enough 'spark' or something. Either way, L.A. is a very car-oriented city and my little Honda is necessary so... gotta have it looked at.

I hope you all have a great start of the weekend. If you have any prayer requests, send them my way.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

What I Learned Wednesday #21: Big News Edition

1) If you haven't already heard via the blog's FB page or my Twitter account, here is my big news: I was formally accepted into Utah State University's Communicative Disorders and Deaf Education program. That's a mouthful. lol. I received an email yesterday (almost as soon as I woke up) congratulating me. It was extra special (for me) to have received the news yesterday, too. As I tweeted,

Well, got a rose from St. Therese (about school) on her feast day and was accepted on St. Teresa of Avila's feast day. Well played. lol.
— Emmy Cecilia (@nerdwriter) October 15, 2013

If you've been a reader since the blog's first year (some of you have stuck around these past - almost - 6 years), you know that I have a special devotion to St. Teresa of Avila ever since I had that dream about her. I'm a big fan of the Discalced Carmelites as well so yesterday was the perfect day for the news. I have a feeling I'm going to have her and St. Therese (and the Immaculate Heart of Mary) on my mind throughout the entire program since I did novenas to all three of them (though not all for school) during the entire application to decision process.

2) If you're wondering if this means I'm giving up on my Theology M.A. or on writing about Catholicism because I'll be focusing on Speech-Language Pathology, the answers is a big NO. As I posted a couple of weeks ago (after my big post on my fears about doing a "secular" job), I feel like this is where God wants me now. I really need to strengthen my knowledge of theology before I can hope to either teach it or do something with it. The plan is that I will do Speech-Language Pathology first and then do Theology due to familial and financial responsibilities that I have. Of course, now my journey will include me trying to incorporate what I learn as a speech therapist into my faith (and vice versa) so there will always be new material to cover in the blog. It will be a challenge as I was told how intense SLP programs can be but nothing worth having or doing is easy (even trying to lead a holy life is hard with all the temptations to sin) so it'll be good for me to try to find a good balance between school/career and faith. God and my faith are the most important things in my life (though, obviously, God trumps all) so it'll be interesting to see what happens.

3) I don't start my classes until next May (first time in years I'll have classes on my birthday) so I will have time to focus on my CINO college project. And, actually, after the response about submitting stories from elementary school through high school, I decided to open it up to submissions at any and all grade levels as long as they took place at CINO schools. We really need to do something about this horrible epidemic... and it is an epidemic at this point. I've seen well education young women get their orthodox beliefs warped by liberation theology and I can only guess that there must be schools that start their students with some terribly unorthodox beliefs/theology as well. So, please, submit any and all stories you have so we can make a stronger case against funding and/or sending students to these so-called "Catholic" schools. There are so many good school that are faithful yet struggle to remain open. It's really a pity and I really want to help as much as I can. The first posts regarding this will start next week.

I'm seriously behind on reading so I'm going to go do that. I've just started feeling better from the stress so I'm going to try to continue trying to relax until the knots in my shoulders are gone. :) 

Oh! There is a chance of potentially having good news tomorrow morning (that involves finally being able to receive the Eucharist for the first time since early June) so please say a little prayer for me if you can.

That's it for now. :D I hope y'all have been having a great week thus far. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Attention all CINO College Survivors...

I know I'm starting this a little late (I had been planning on it being up last month) but I've been so busy that this is the first week I've had a time to really sit down and plan things out.

As some of you may have already read on my Twitter, I have a project in the works that involves helping others who are either in CINO colleges or are considering applying to and/or attending one. This project has been in the works for a long time but I think it's ready to see the light. I already have some people on board but I am hoping that more people will help out. Interested? This is what I'm looking for:

If any of you are CINO college survivors and/or know people who attended a CINO college and were (undoubtedly) less than pleased with what was "taught" in them, I would love to hear your story. For legal purposes (I don't want to get sued and I'm sure you don't either), names of professors and colleges will be omitted. You can choose to have it posted as "anonymous" as well.

The point of this project is that I want these stories to be heard and to potentially help other faithful Catholics who are either considering these schools or know others that are.

Today, we received a letter (addressed to my father no less) asking for donations of $1,500 to $10,000. Are they serious? Why on earth would we want to continue funding it? I've already said that if I ever have enough to donate, I am going to donate to schools that are orthodox and not CINOs.

Anyway, if you'd like to help out, please contact me via Twitter, through the blog's FB page, or even through email at catholicnerdwriter at gmail dot com. I am so passionate enough this -- about all the damage they not only inflict on the faithful but also those who aren't Catholic but who want a good Catholic education -- that I am ready for the fight.

I hope some of you can help and I look forward to hearing from you.

And now I'm off to cheer on the United States Men's National Team (futbol; soccer).

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Discernment Mambo: Indecision

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I am currently discerning both my career and vocation once again. When I think I have it all figured out, something happens and I end up rethinking my decisions. It's a vicious, never ending cycle (thinking, rethinking, doubting decisions, more thinking) that happens every time I make a big decision. It's who I am but thankfully I am not doing it on my own this time around.

I have been thinking about the career part more than the vocation part because the applications for grad school will go up in a few weeks and I want to apply early. It's a huge decision for me -- whether I will get my Master of Arts in Theology or a Master of Science in Speech-Language Pathology -- and I am not going to leave any question unanswered. It's not easy, as no big decisions are. Some days I think that doing something like Youth Ministry or working for a parish would be best for me but, in all honesty, most days I think that being a Speech Therapist would be best for me. I have to take into consideration what will both utilize the gifts God gave me as well as what would fulfill His will for me.

I think that I might be dismissing an MA in Theology because of how much I hated my experience as a Religious Studies undergrad. I don't have to tell most of you; a good number of you have been reading this blog for a long time and/or at least know that I attended a "CINO" (Catholic in Name Only) college in which they taught liberation theology, ragged on then Pope (Emeritus) Benedict XVI, and made my life miserable for being the "tradition" (read: orthodox) student who made them uncomfortable with my unwillingness to be swayed to their side of thinking... and for speaking up (when I got the chance) on my beliefs. It sort of ruined it for me. I know all schools aren't like that but it was hard for me. I used to cry when I was at home because of how I was treated and because of the atrocities I heard during lectures. I even cried during lectures. That bad.

At the same time, I am not the same girl I was when I decided to get my BA in Religious Studies. I wanted to get it because I didn't know much about my faith and I wanted to share everything I learned with others, especially the young (though older people were the ones with whom I usually had these conversations with). I've seen that I don't need to be in a parish or a Catholic school (though I wouldn't be opposed to it) to always do God's will and/or evangelize.

I've been thinking of what I can do with an SLP M.Sc. My mom's doctor told me (when I mentioned it to her) that she thought it was an excellent decision for me and that I could use it to "continue (my) ministry." I wasn't sure how she meant that so I started thinking about it. Maybe, if I work hard and get the opportunity, I can afford to offer free SLP services to those who can't afford it but need it, especially the poor that go to parishes to ask for help. Maybe I can use my degree to help priest, religious brothers, and religious sisters who have had strokes with their speech therapies. I wouldn't charge them for it; it would be my way of giving back and thanking them for all they've done for us and for God. There are possibilities for me to be able to give back if I choose that career path.

The thing is that I am not sure what God wants me to do... and that's what my spiritual director is trying to help me figure out. Since novenas and prayers were helping but not getting me too far, he suggested to try the Ignatian discernment process. It's been slow but I am getting somewhere. I've been praying both the Little Office and the Liturgy of the Hours to help give me peace and de-stress and it has also been helping. Still, it will be an interesting and difficult couple of weeks (and months, since I still have my vocation -- married vs single life -- to discern again) so if y'all can spare a prayer for me at some point, I'd greatly appreciate it.

Anyway, this has been on my mind lately (and especially today) so I thought I'd write it all out and share. :)

And now, I should go try to get through the library books that are due this week. :)

I hope y'all had a great weekend and have a wonderful week. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati and My Father; Mini Book Review

Catholic Memes is responsible for this awesome meme.

This post was supposed to be published yesterday, for Bl. Pier Giorgio's feast day, but I didn't get a chance so here it goes today.

I'm usually a fast reader. My Brother Pier Giorgio: His Last Days was supposed to be an easy read at only 120 pages. I should've finished it in less than 24 hours. How long did it take me? Four days. Why? Because I had to stop more often than anticipated. And why did I stop so often? Because it reminded me way too much of what I went through with my own father. The PTSD kicked in at times, leaving me feeling faint and anxious at times. I don't regret reading it and would gladly endure the PTSD symptoms if it was longer because I truly liked it.

First the quick book review: as I said before, I liked the book. I didn't enjoy reading about Bl. Pier Giorgio's suffering. I didn't enjoy reading about his family's sorrow. What I enjoyed was the intense love for God and our Blessed Mother that Bl. Pier Giorgio had until the end. I won't spoil anything for those of you who want to read it but I will say that I was deeply touched by Bl. Pier Giorgio's devotion and yearning for heaven, even into his last moments on earth. The book is written by his sister, Luciana, and it covers the last couple of days of his short life. She writes with such feeling and detail that I felt as if I personally experienced it with them. If you have yet to read it, I recommend that you do.

Now for the rest: the parallels between Bl. Pier Giorgio's and my father's last days. If you haven't been a reader of this blog for long (or weren't a reader while I chronicled my father's last months), I'll provide links so you can catch up. Warning: I've been told tissues are necessary in some places.

I became an admirer of Bl. Pier Giorgio's before my father's last cancer diagnosis. When we heard that dad's cancer was terminal, I asked for Bl. Pier Giorgio's intercession. "Please let this be the miracle that you need to be canonized," I pleaded. "Please, help him stop suffering! Please!" I selfishly wanted my father to live. 4 years ago yesterday, I had a Mass dedicated to Bl. Pier Giorgio on his feast day. As you may read, I stayed behind and prayed for his intercession (along with intercessions of other saints for other prayer request I'd received). I went to visit my father after Mass. It was one of the last times he would be able to hold down his food and coffee... just like Bl. Pier Giorgio did. On Bl. PG's feast day, my father savored his favorite drink (coffee) just like Bl. PG did towards the end of his life (as per the book).

A few days later, and two days before his death, I wrote this post about how I was handling the news that my father had a week or so to live. Watching my father looking more and more thin every day (the cancer had spread to his liver and stomach at the end) was hard for me. Luciana, Bl. Pier Giorgio's sister, wrote a similar account with the same feelings I experienced about seeing Bl. PG deteriorate. It was hard but I prayed for a miracle, just like she, their family, and friends did for Bl. PG.

My father died, like Bl. Pier Giorgio, on a Saturday... exactly one week after Bl. PG's feast day. I didn't get the miracle I wanted but I did get the strength I needed to get through the funeral preparations and the funeral itself. A year later Bl. Pier Giorgio would intercede for me in a big way (which I will talk about in a bit). The book reminded me that life is short and precious, how we never know how or when we will go, and how we should try to live a life of the Beatitudes (like Bl. Pier Giorgio did). While my relationship with my father was similar to Bl. PG's with his father, I was reminded that my father died being proud of me as I know Bl. PG's father must have been of him when the word of his good deeds came to light.

Though my intercession plea to Bl. Pier Giorgio didn't happen (as it was not God's will for my father), he did come through for me a few months later when I applied to transfer to that horrid CINO college (seriously, I didn't know how bad it was before I attended). I received the news that I wouldn't need an enormous loan to pay for school. The year that my father died, I was supposed to enter the school with a $20,000+ (per year) loan. I withdrew and reapplied for the next year and received grants and scholarships. I ended up graduating with a small loan of $2,000 (total) for the two years I was there. Through his intercession I was able to graduate (from a $40,000 per school year college) with a savings of over $40,000 (I'm counting some interest there). Thank you for your intercession, Bl. Pier Giorgio!

Anyway, the whole point of this post is that I am incredibly grateful to Bl. Pier Giorgio for everything he's done for me. He (along with St. Therese) was my "heavenly buddy" during my imprisonment (haha!) at the CINO college, as he was before and continues to be to this day. While the book about his last days reminded me (in detail) about my father's last days, it also reminded me (through Luciana's words) that life goes on but that doesn't mean we forget those who have had a great impact on our lives. There is always time to fix any bad habits and strive for a more saintly life.

Okay, I am about two seconds from going into ugly crying face mode so I'm going to stop here. :) Oh! One last thing before I go: I will work hard to get that second miracle Bl. Pier Giorgio needs to become a saint... even if it means spreading the word of his life and his good deeds to people who have never heard of him. He will be declared a saint one day and I hope that it happens in my lifetime. :)

And now I am off to try to distract myself because I am in danger of get thrown into a depressive funk. It happens every year around this time since the 4th anniversary of my father's death is coming up next Thursday.

I hope you all had a great week and have a wonderful weekend. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

Dear CINO College Alma Mater...

Dear CINO College Alma Mater,

I know that I'm taking a risk by posting a picture from my graduation day one year ago on my instagram. I know that there are some of you that are aware that I keep this blog. I know that you know that I have never mentioned the school nor any of the staff by name so (therefore) you cannot legally do anything to me. I will keep it this way but I will say a few things.

I hope that, a year after I crossed that stage and received that diploma (case), some of my professors didn't go back to "teaching" what was taught prior to and during my two years as an undergrad. You all know that, as a "Catholic" school, students apply because they're looking for the Truth. We are wanting to learn about what our Lord Jesus Christ taught during his ministry here on earth. We are wanting to get closer to Him. We do not apply and begin classes to hear how you think the Catholic Church is wrong. We do not want to hear that YOU think that Church teachings are outdated, how liberation theology is the proper way to interpret the Bible (which, by the way, at least two professors admitted that y'all were not allowed to teach but still did), how the priesthood is horrible (even the lone priest I had as a professor told his class how poorly y'all treated him because he was a man of the cloth), how the Pope is a "super rat in red shoes" (as Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI was called by a particular professor), nor do we want to "learn" things that cause more damage to the Church. Actually, I learnt more about other religions than I did about my own. Yeaaaah....

I am sure that some things were toned down while I was in certain classes because they were all well aware that I was the "traddie" student. Everyone in the department knew. Some professors made me feel like I was a backwards thinking brat, a thorn in their sides. Some verbally expressed (though not bluntly) and others made me cry. In class. Many a tears were shed and many a panic attacks were endured during those two years. Still, I (in my own "rebellious" way) found ways of resisting the nearly daily assaults on the Faith. I wore my white chapel veil (mantilla) to the Red Mass. I was seen leaving the chapel before or in-between classes. You guys didn't like that but it was my way of rebelling. I hope that if there is another student who feels the same way as I did about what it being "taught", you won't make her feel as wretched as you made me feel.

CINO College alma mater, please explain something to me. Why did some of the professor try so hard to condemn Priests, Religious Sisters who wear habits, the Pope (don't know what you all say about Pope Francis since I am of the Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI era), many Church teachings, great men of the Church (such as St. Thomas Aquinas), and those of us who you would consider "traditional" because we follow what the Church believes regarding marriage, abortion (against it), contraceptives, etc? Why are referrals to have abortions given at the health clinic (and, yes, the Cardinal Newman Society has already outed you on the fact)? Why did two of my friends leave due to anxiety and depression (and one mental breakdown) for refusing to go along with what you taught about the Faith? Why were things like the Sacraments of Reconciliation and Marriage looked at as pointless? Why was there no reverence for the Eucharist when there was Eucharistic Adoration (to which I was often the only student present)? Why did one professor teach that Santeria was basically Catholicism with some culture stuff sprinkled in? Why do you teach about tolerance and love when you couldn't even show that to us who were orthodox Catholics?

I will admit that I once wanted to go into teaching and hoped to return, just to show future students that not all of us dragged the Church and clergy through the mud. But, no. I'm not going to do. God has slowly shown me that, while I do love school and being in an academic setting, my gifts are better used as a Speech Therapist. I will never, however, give up the fight against schools like yours; schools which confuse young minds and drag them further away from Church. There are many young people who are considering attending these kinds of schools but I am going to let them know what the experience is for a practicing Catholic. Again, I won't talk trash about you -- how childish and uncharitable would that be? -- but I will tell them the truth.

The only things I learned while at your institution were how to protect myself, my mind, and my soul... and what is taught on the "other side" of arguments so I can properly defend the faith. For that, I thank you. Do I wish I did not feel behind my friends in terms of what I knew about the Faith because none of it was taught at your school? Yes. Do I wish things had ended up differently? Yes. Would I try to dissuade other orthodox Catholics from attending the school? Oh yes. But would I trade it all for two schools at another school? No.

Though I cried, hyperventilated, and lost sleep throughout the two years I attended the school, I was given a confidence that I did not know I had... and I was brought closer to God because I saw what was being taught and how hurtful some things must have been to Him. Not because it's going to physically hurt Him but because He sees how much damage some people are doing to their souls at this school. I'm going to pray for every student that is in the same shoes I was in. I am going to pray that those who can be easily swayed will keep away from your entrance and will go elsewhere. I will pray that those who are up for the fight are more successful than I was. I will pray that one day proper Church teachings will be taught. I will not stop praying for current and future students (as well as the staff) until things change.

I want you to know that, a year after I said "goodbye" to you, I am doing well. Sure, I'm about 15-20 lbs lighter than you last saw me because of a stomach illness that I am still trying to shake off but I am happy. God has helped me get my life back on track. I am learning about the most important thing in my life (my Faith and my love of God). As Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati used to so, "Verso l'alto" (to the top); I'm going onward and upwards.

I hope that this open letter hasn't offended you too much. It was not my intention to get you all upset but it was my intention to open your eyes and make you realize that some of us do realize what's going on and we do not like it. Think about the future of your students, about their souls and your own. Please do the right thing.

I have not much else to say except "thank you" for the "education" I received and the opportunity given to me to complete my B.A. Please do not expect me at any reunions or to give any donations until liberation theology and books like this are no longer taught and assigned. Nothing against some of the lovelier staff but I cannot, in good conscience, support a school that tries to destroy the Church that I love so much.

Sincerely,


P.S. Stop sending me fundraising tickets. They're going to keep meeting the waste bin until I feel I can begin supporting y'all.

St. Therese of Lisieux, My CINO College Buddy

This is a picture of the St. Therese shirt that I wore throughout the two years I was at the CINO college. I made it (it's one of a kind ;D) because I needed a buddy whenever I had to face the wolves and I always found comfort having her image with me.

If you can't read the quote, it says: "For one pain endured with joy, we shall love the good God more forever." I knew my professors would read it while I gave my reports so... you know. ;) Appropriate, no? ;)

I won't make this blog post too long (I have work to do) but I will say that without her and Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, I don't think I would've made it out of the CINO college in one piece. Since it's her feast day today, I thought it would be appropriate to write about how she was there for me.

As most of you know, I had one heck of a bad time at the CINO college... especially during my first year there. I would often go to the chapel to pray either before or in between classes. I would be sad and frustrated and that made me crave some time with God. If I had the time (and the weather wasn't too hot, too rainy, or too cold), I would visit the St. Therese alcove set up near the chapel. The alcove is beautiful and one of my favorite places there. It's a bit rustic but you can see the city of Los Angeles in the background. Breathtaking scenery but heartbreaking problems with the professors caused many tears to be shed there.

I got into the habit of using her sacrifice beads while at that school. Every blasphemy and heresy the professors uttered (which I couldn't contest because either I wasn't given the chance or because I was so upset that I was having an anger induced panic attack) was offered up. On particularly bad days, I would count up to 50+ of them. I'm serious. Each time I would cringe (or cry; yes, I would cry in class on occasion), I remembered how much St. Therese silently suffered and that would give me some comfort.

Anyway, just wanted to share this with y'all. If you need a heavenly buddy when you're in a difficult situation (such as at a school or in a class with anti-Catholic teachings), St. Therese is wonderful. I learned a lot about how to handle those types of situations and my own spirituality grew as well. :D

Happy feast day, St. Therese of Lisieux... and thank you for all the flowers you've sent me during the last two years. :D

From Someone Who Actually Read The Book

That is a screenshot of my Goodreads book tally. Yes, I have read the book that has everyone talking this week. Yes, I hated it (which is why I gave it 1out of 5 stars -- I would've given it a zero if I could). And, yes, I agree with the statement that the Vatican issued on the book.

It should come as no surprise that this book was assigned for my "Sexual Christian Ethics" course my junior year at the CINO college. The professor (the same one who spoke ill of the Holy Father) raved about the book. To be quite honest, I didn't read the entire thing because it would make me feel nauseous. I would read come exam time... and only read what would be on the test because the few pages I did read made me upset.

Let me just tell you the gist of the class -- which was taught according to what was in Just Love by Sr. Margaret Farley and A Lily Among the Thorn: Imagining a New Christian Sexuality by Miguel de la Torre. Homosexuality is fine because God wants us all to love. The Church is terrible patriarchy that wants to oppress women and minorities (including homosexuals) -- and this would start rants about the Church and the Holy Father that I would offer up. My prof would say that she was not in agreement with the Church and that she was in agreement with the books instead of the Church.

I found my old notes so now I'm going to add straight quotes. "Patriarchy (alluding to the Church from my understanding in class) creates sexism, homophobia, and hypocrisy." "Why are things reduced to what you do in bed?" "Notion of virginity is culturally constructed and not from God." "At various times of your life you fluctuate between hetero- and homosexuality." "You experiment with yourself, men with men, and women with women." "Virgin Mary didn't remain a virgin." "Hell may not exist." "(talking about nuns) Smarter than priests and they admitted it." Had enough yet? That is just part of it. There are things I don't feel comfortable writing that were covered in the book that go against Church teachings.

Do I agree that this book will confuse those who know little to nothing about the Catholic Church? Yes. Will what is written lead many astray, especially if taught (like we were) in classes? Definitely. The words "yeah, it was all part of the liberation theology taught at that school" just came to mind. I am personally happy the statement has been issued though I think that it won't do much at the schools where this book is assigned. Though I hope she doesn't, I feel like my former prof will rant about how the Vatican is on a "witch hunt" because they're scared of nuns the next time she uses this book.

For the record, this is from my point of view and what we covered when I was at the CINO college. I definitely don't recommend this book. I prefer Theology of the Body which, not surprisingly, my profs didn't agree with when I brought it up in class.

Anyway, just wanted to add my two cents and let y'all know that, coming from someone who actually read part of the book, I agree with everything the Vatican has said. Avoid at all costs if possible.

I am a bit behind on a few book reviews of Tiber River Review so I'm going to get offline and try to finish at least one of them before the day ends. :)

I hope you all have a great weekend. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Oh Snap, It's Finally Happened...

Yes, Eleventh Doctor, I'll get to it as soon as I'm done with this post. ;)

A few things have finally happened and it's making me both nervous and excited. 

First: it FINALLY hit me that I'm basically done with my undergrad career. It wasn't until my Harlem Renaissance professor reminded us that this week is our last week of classes (next week is finals week) that it really hit me. I'm done. I'm done? I'm done! Of course I still have finals to do and a couple more assignments that are due this week but I don't have other major things to do. I'm going to miss homework and learning... but not the school. As I'm writing this post, I am simultaneously chatting with friends on Facebook about how unhappy my time at this school has been.

Of course, I don't have to tell y'all that; you've all read more than enough posts about my experience at the CINO school. I will miss some professors (like my Harlem Renaissance and College Algebra professors) who actually believed in and encouraged me. Come to think of it... besides the aforementioned professors and my Western Literature/Norse Mythology professor, I didn't have much support from the others. And to sum up my experience with two current issues: two weeks later and I have NOT heard from my Thesis adviser about any changes to my Thesis before the deadline... and the semester ends next week. Prior to that I tried to contact her for a month and a half but she claimed to have not received any of my emails. Also, my mother attended a school concert with me last week (as it was mandatory and she wanted out of the house for a couple of hours)... and she personally witnessed how poorly I am treated by professors. One of them gave me the stink eye and was overall not nice. At least now I have witnesses to rudeness I experience.

Second: Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, St. Therese of Lisieux, and St. Jude Thaddeus -- just a general shout out to my heavenly buddies who helped me make it through my two year journey at that school. Without their intercessions, I don't think I would've come out relatively sane. I've had friends drop out and/or transfer out because of the mistreatment we receive if we aren't in agreement with their beliefs... which are mostly against Church teachings too. Of course. If this isn't proof that prayer and hard work pays off, I don't know what does.

Third: I just realized that I am finally getting thrown out into "the real world." That is a bit scary, especially being aware of how scarce jobs are. There are a few jobs within the L.A. Archdiocese that I am going to apply for but most of them ask for either a Master's degree or extra experience which I don't have. However, I am a fast learner and I am passionate about my faith so I'm sure that God will open the right door for me. My biggest anxiety inducer is the uncertainty of it all. I don't know how soon I'll be able to start working or if I'll have to look elsewhere. And, of course I will be going for my Master's degree in a year but still it's completely odd for me not to be in school taking at least one class.

Fourth: (my, I do love making lists, don't I? lol) Despite all my venting, I have come to the conclusion that I am grateful for everything that's happened. Yes, I'm even grateful for all the humiliation, crying, and panic attacks I experienced this semester from my music professors. I truly believe that every negative thing is a character builder and thus I am glad that I experienced them. I feel like I'm coming out of this experience a lot more confident than when I went in. I also feel stronger in my faith and beliefs. The passion I felt about sharing my faith with younger members of this generation (children to those starting college) had gone out for a while shortly after my father died but it has reignited... and Lord help the person who dares talk smack about my beloved God, Pope Benedict XVI or Roman Catholic Church because I have no qualms about sticking up for any of them.

Anyway, just wanted to write all of this out before I get busy with schoolwork. I have a chance to get all but one of my finals completed by Sunday of this week so I am going to definitely attempt to do it. :D OH! And if any of you have prayer intentions, let me know so I can offer up the next two weeks for them. Doesn't matter what the prayer intention is nor do you have to tell me what it is, just let me know that you have one and I'll write it down in my notebook so that I can get everyone's intentions in. :D

And since it is Monday here's a song that I wanted to share. It's called "Pray about Everything" by Luke Bryan. Yes, it's a country song. Raise your hand if you did not see that coming. lol.

 

Alright, I'm off to do homework. I hope y'all have a great week!

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D