My Consecration Journey Begins Today

Today is the day I've waited for years.

I've been wanting to do a total consecration to Jesus through Mary using both the True Devotion to Mary by St. Louis de Montfort and 33-Days to Morning Glory by Fr. Michael Gaitley books for years. I was able to borrow the former from the library and the latter was a gift from a good friend so I am set... and I can barely contain my excitement!

I thought long and hard on what feast day I wanted to do the consecration. In earlier years, it had been on the feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel because I wear the brown scapular and have dear friends who are Carmelites. Then I considered doing it on the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe since I'm Mexican-American. It eventually came down to choosing between the feast of the Visitation and the feast of the Immaculate Heart of Mary.

When people found out that my birthday is on the day before the feast of the Visitation (and I was nearly born on the feast day since I was born on the night of the 30th), pretty much everyone tried to persuade me to consecrate myself on that day. It would be a good way to start my 33rd year; my "Jesus Year." However, I ended up choosing the feast of the Immaculate Heart because of my devotion to her.

My devotion to the Immaculate Heart started years ago. There's something about the thought of her Immaculate Heart -- so beautiful, so pure, so loving, even in sorrow -- that has always held a special place in my own heart. I've even had a picture of her (first over my bed and now over my desk in my office) since I was a child. It's now old and faded but I love looking at it.

Whenever I have any "heart matters" (relationship matters), I do a novena to the Immaculate Heart. Her intercession has never failed to keep me from getting my own heart broken and has kept my (otherwise) hopeless romantic tendencies in check. If any of my friends wonder why potential suitors don't last very long, there's your answer. Their true intentions are revealed and/or they disappear before the novena even ends. Again, it's saved me from heartache. 

I've recently developed an interest in learning more about the Sacred Heart so it seems entirely appropriate that the last day of preparation ends of the feast day of the Sacred Heart. I'm currently doing a novena for a private intention to the Sacred Heart and, boy, it's been amazing how things change during it. I'm going to look into doing the enthronement of the Sacred Heart done this year because we (my family and I) could really use it after the intense year we've had thus far.

Despite my small worries about what might pop up during the preparation for the consecration (I've heard horror stories), I'm going to place all my trust in God and go forward with it. This is something I've wanted for literal years and it's something that I feel I need in my life. :)

Have any of you used both books for your consecration or renewal? If so, I'd love to hear about your experiences!

Before I wrap up this post, I just wanted to say a massive "thank you" to those of you who've prayed for me in recent days. Your prayers have been what have kept me from spiraling down into a hole of gloom and despair. I (and my family) have been tested in ways I would've never foreseen so your prayers have been lifesavers. May God reward you all!

I hope you all had a lovely weekend and that you have a great week!

As always, thank you for reading and God bless! :D

Blog Changes

When I first started this blog, on Christmas Day 2007, I had no idea that I would continue to be blogging nearly a decade later. I started to write because (at the time) there were no Catholic blogs talking about the faith with issues such as anxiety, illness, and other topics that people seemed to not be comfortable talking about. I wanted to give a voice to those who were too afraid to talk about dealing with these issues on a personal level. A lot of my earliest readers found me by searching for "Catholicism and anxiety." Fast forward 9 years later, bloggers are more open than I am about their lives. Sure, I still share a lot (or it seems like I do ;D) but I'm not one of the only bloggers who are open about their daily struggles and how our faith is affected or enriched by them.

I've been thinking about it for a long time now and I've decided to open up on different topics that I normally shied away from... and be a little more open and honest in general. That's not to say I haven't been honest in my blog posts -- I have -- but I've also edited myself a lot out of fear of judgment or offending people. I've slowly been doing this in recent months (I'm sure some of you have noticed) but it's going to be a little more obvious in coming posts/weeks. I'm starting a new chapter in my life and I want to be able to talk about it without fear. If you don't end up liking the new direction, that's okay. I know I'm not a $100 bill; not everyone is going to like me or what I have to offer. :)

One of the big changes that I'm also making is that I'm no longer doing the annual "help me choose the patron saint for this blog" poll. After 8 years of doing this, I thought it was time for this change. This year, St. Joseph was the reader-chosen patron saint and it feels right that he be the last one chosen by a poll. After thinking about it for a while, I've chosen the Holy Family to be the permanent patron saints for this blog. I've developed wonderful devotions to the individual members of the Holy Family (as the Sacred Heart of Jesus, the Immaculate Heart of Mary, and St. Joseph) during this year so it seems fitting that they, as the Holy Family, continue to intercede for me so that I may write what might help others who stumble across this blog.

I'll be re-introducing novena posts (having daily novena prayers posted) throughout the year. I'm not sure which novenas I'll post/schedule during the year (starting next year) but I'll try to change them so that there's variety from year-to-year. I cleaned up the blog and website links and will be adding to them as I find the time. I think that's it... for now. Just a couple of layout and content changes. As I said, a new chapter in my life is beginning and I need to grow up and change with it. :)

Anyway, that's it for now. I really want to clean the apartment since it's been neglected while I studied for and took finals. Oops. I also have a lot of books to get through in less than a week that I borrowed from the library. A break from the online world for a couple of hours will do me good, especially considering I still have emails and other things to catch up on from the past couple of weeks. Those can wait a little longer. ;)

I hope y'all are having a great week thus far! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Update from Sickland; Let Us Pray for You

Two weeks without a single post. Sorry! If you're following me on twitter (@nerdwriter) then you know that I had a nasty throat infection and spent over 10 days in bed before I got the antibiotics I needed to get better. I'm finally feeling well enough to get back in the swing of things so expect posts to restart. I won't go into the details (yet) about what's going on because it's a lot but I will say that I've been tested in ways I wasn't expecting. :)

I just wanted to update y'all because I still get messages asking how I am doing. I'm MUCH better, thank you. :D Also, I want to let y'all know that Angelica and I are starting the 54 Day Rosary Novena tomorrow so if you'd like to join us or have us pray for a specific intention for you, please let us know a.s.a.p. Angelica specifically chose tomorrow, the feast of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, to start the novena. (And, btw, happy feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus today. :D)

Alright, that will be it for now. I drove around for hours in nearly 100 degree weather and I'm exhausted. Well, that and the fact that I had anxiety last night and didn't fall asleep until after I prayed the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy at nearly 2 a.m. hasn't helped the exhaustion. :D I want to sleep soon. :)

Again, please let Angelica (@aquinonez on twitter) or I know if you want to join/have intentions for us to pray. Let us pray for you... we'd like to help in any way we can. :D

I hope y'all have a great start of weekend!

'Til next time, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

Dad Updates, From My Point of View.

Two pictures of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, one of St. Jude, and the one I added of Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati are on the erase board in front of my father's hospital bed so that he can look at them when he's conscious and alert. I also have a picture of dad with a picture of Blessed Pier Giorgio on his side but, due to respect for my family, I will keep that one private... until, and in case, we get that miracle we're praying for and we need some sort of photographic evidence.

I've been asked by many people to give an update, so here I am. I will actually go to the hospital right after I finish this... and will attempt to sneak into my dad's room.

Dad is on a roller coaster right now. No, not literally. A few days ago, he got so sick that we were told to start making funeral arrangements because he wouldn't make it past the weekend. It's been decided that I am having the final say on where dad will be buried (when the time comes) and what we're going to do because I took care of him and because I've lived the longest with him (not counting my mom, of course). I've decided to keep him in L.A. with us instead of having him taken back to Mexico for personal reason. I assure y'all it wasn't for purely selfish reasons. I took everything into consideration before I decided. We've talked about keeping the three of us (dad, mom, and I) together and that's what we're going to do. He's made it past the weekend... but now they're only giving him 2 more months to live. I won't listen to the estimates though, because only God truly knows when each of us will go. No living human being can tell us how much longer we have. We just have to trust that we will go when God wants us.

Everyone has began falling apart... including myself, though I think, and hope, that I've stayed stronger than they give me credit for. My mom started questioning God for "doing this", but I've talked to her about it so she's no longer doing it. If there's one (or two) thing I haven't done, is give up on dad and keeping my faith close to me. While everyone is pessimistic and thinking the worse, I'm staying optimistic and thanking God for keeping us all intact thus far.

All of my brothers and my sister are here (dad has 6 children; I'm the youngest) and it made my father VERY happy when he saw all 6 of us together, in his hospital room. (We went two-three days without the security kicking us out for having 8+ people in his room). Though he's only half conscious most of the time, he'll ask where one of us is while keeping his eyes closed. Since two really mean nurses (nasty women) reported us for "creating problems" in my dad's room, we've had to take turns seeing dad. (I heard one of them laughing when security was called. If I wasn't trying to continue acting like a lady, I would've given her a piece of my mind.) Yesterday was really hard for me because I was the last one to see him. Reason for that is because on Saturday I ended up at another hospital, in the E.R., for burning, stabbing chest pains. It ended up being a case of bad heartburn with a little anxiety/stress. Since then, they're limiting my time at the hospital. My brothers are leaving today (only my sister is staying with us for another week), so I'll have better luck in seeing him longer tomorrow. Still, I know I have to get out more (both doctor's and family's orders) because the visits are actually making me feel worse. I feel very weak and fatigued the mornings following the visits. The longer I am at the hospital, the worse I feel the next morning. I've already let my friends know I will need them to come watch a movie, or to help me get out of the house once in a while so I don't get worse. It makes me feel guilty... like I'm selfish and uncaring... for doing this but deep down I know it's the right thing to do. I won't be of much use if I get sick too.

I've prayed the Rosary and Chaplet of the Divine Mercy at his bedside a couple of times... but the last few times I've tried, I've gotten chest pains so I haven't anymore. We still pray, though. At any given moment, you will see at least one person praying in dad's room. Yesterday, mom, my sister Ana, and I were all praying different things... along with dad. Dad began singing hymns and praying at the top of his lungs yesterday morning. No one knows why, but he did... and it's actually beautiful. The fact that he does is half consciously is just another way of showing us that God is with us. In fact, the nurse told me that when they asked him why he did that (when he was more alert) he said that he did it because he felt that God was with him, and that that made him very happy. I keep asking Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati for his intercession.

Did I mention that on Friday (the feast day of the Sacred Heart of Jesus) we found the prayer card of Blessed Pier Giorgio on the table next to my dad's bed? It was literally a foot away. No one knows how it got there, either, because we were the first ones to go in in the morning. I'm not jumping to conclusions, though. Whoever put it there... THANK YOU. Every since I asked Blessed Pier Giorgio for a sign -- that either dad will be okay or that we'll be okay -- I've felt nothing but peacefulness and happiness. I don't know if it's just wishful thinking or what, but I have a feeling we'll see a miracle -- again, either in dad or in the family. I think that my faith in God, the Church, and in miracles is so strong that it's what keeps me going without becoming a complete mess. If anything happens, I at least have the consolation that dad will go without any sins on his conscience. I am sincerely thankful that he was able to confess and receive the Eucharist shortly before his health began to decline. That's all I wanted and all I worked for those years I tried to convince him, and prayed for him, to come back to the Church.

SKIP THIS NEXT PARAGRAPH IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ THE DETAILED MEDICAL EXPLANATIONS:
Oh, like, some of you want the specifics on what's wrong. Doctor's told us this morning that his liver is 30-40% badly damaged, which is why they've been doing dialysis on him - to clean his blood. Since my dad has been stable and responding well, there's a chance it will get better. His lungs aren't affected as they originally thought. Also, the yellow in his skin and eyes (which we thought was jaundice) has begun disappearing because what was causing it, the bile, was getting blocked. They did an operation and have fixed that. His kidneys are practically shot, too... though we can always hope and pray that we'll see a miracle occur.

That's it for now. It's getting late and I'd like to see dad before visiting hours are over. Thank you all who have been asking Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati for his intercession (I believe he needs one more miracle to be officially declared a saint; I'm hoping we personally see this miracle happen), and for your continued prayers for dad and for my family. They are greatly appreciated from the bottom of my heart. And a special, THANK YOU to my friends who have been there for me and have checked up on me and dad on a daily basis. I love you all! :)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.

Back from Mexico! Whoo!

Ladies and gentlemen, I made it back in one piece! WHOOOO! Throw your hands in the air, and wave them like you just don't care! Mexico, I've conquered you. Sort of. lol. We were originally going to stay for a few days but since it was so close to my return to college and my mom's return to work (she's on vacation), we had to make it a day trip to Baja California, Mexico. 21 hours up (with only 3 hours of sleep that night), nearly 20 hours in and out of the car. *groan* But, I am HAPPY that I got to go because it was my first trip out of the country in quite a while. I don't mind that we waited an hour and a half to cross the border back into the States. I don't mind that we got lost about 4 times because my father still hasn't learned that I rarely get lost (and I've never been to some of the areas we were in yesterday). I don't even mind that people drive like maniacs and caused some stress (but thankfully not to me! whoo! Driving in large Mexican cities is NOT for the faint of heart). I don't even mind all the road construction and detours we encountered. I had fun... and mostly because of the banter between my parents and I. I tell you, when you put the 3 of us together, you'll bust your gut laughing. Last time we got on a roll, my stomach hurt so much from all the uncontrollable laughing, I had to beg them to stop. But, yeah, it was a lot of fun. The quotes of the day were both from my mother. She looked at my father and said "Your country is ugly (because of the amount of road construction there was)." and then her story about how when I was 3 years old, I told the border immigration guy "I was born in *insert hospital* in *insert district* in Los Angeles!" And when he asked me who my father was I pointed to my dad and said "He is!" Not only that, I said it very matter-of-fact and sassy. I was a very sassy 3 year old. Oy. lol.

I was pleasantly surprised by how many churches and religions displays there were all around Tijuana. Unfortunately, I didn't get to take many pictures because we were mostly in the car, driving with fear. lol. I did get some photos though.

This was a HUGE all white statue of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. You can find out more about it at this site I found. Sorry it's so blurry but we were quite far and it was taken while we were on an extremely bumpy road.


I saw so many beautiful churches, I'm truly bummed I didn't get a chance to go inside... or even stop and take proper pictures. I did manage to get a picture of this church, though I wasn't entirely sure if it was Catholic or not. It had an unusual design as seen here. (It's like a fan on its side.)


There was also this ginormous sign that read "Jesus Christ is the Lord" in Spanish on top of a mountain in front of a family friend's dental office.


I have a special place in Tijuana because it was where I was confirmed. While here in the U.S. you have to wait until you're in your mid-late teens to be confirmed, you can do it at a very young age in Mexico. I think I was one of the oldest being confirmed when I did mine. I was confirmed (although, at the time, against my wishes -- I wanted to be confirmed in the U.S.) when I was about 13 years old. That's also the reason why I don't have a confirmation name/saint. They don't have that tradition in most the Latin/Hispanic countries. I feel like I didn't get properly confirmed but that's another story. :D Anyway, I felt like I was getting little messages of reassurance by noticing all the churches around the city. I was a bit nervous about the trip but seeing everything just made me feel so relaxed and happy. It was fantastic. :D

Alright, well, I have a lot to do so a shorter blog today. Go ahead; celebrate the fact that I won't be writing a lot tonight. lol.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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