I Have NO Clarity Regarding God's Will For Me

After receiving a poor grade on an assignment I worked hard on over the weekend, I felt dejected. I worked incredibly hard on the paper. I read it and reread it. Edited it and re-edited it. Still, this particular professor (or the TA that nitpicked my paper) thought it was basically poor work. I've had problems with this professor in the past -- my academic adviser and the department chair even got involved the first semester I took him and they took my side in the situation -- but I still pray for him and I still try to look for the good in him. He does missionary work and helps children in third world countries that have speech problems. He does good work and I'm glad he shares what he learns from those trips with us... even if my pride takes a massive hit when things like this grade happen.

I'd be lying if I said the thought "why continue if I'm just going to keep hitting these roadblocks?" didn't pop into my mind. This degree has been incredibly hard to finish. It's not just me; it seems like many (possibly most) of those who go through the program repeat at least one course at some point and some decide to leave the program altogether. For another class, a classmate messaged everyone who is retaking the course for the second time and some have said that they may have to repeat the course again.

The joke that SLP students are on anti-anxiety medication exists for a reason, folks. This is a tough and demanding program and field. Those of you who haven't been reading this blog long enough may not know that this is my second round trying to finish this program/degree. I had to quit and leave the program/school nearly 2.5 years ago when I worked myself so hard to do well that I ended up getting sick... and I've yet to fully recover from it.

I keep wondering if I can keep going if I'm feeling fed up with it all because I am. I want to cry, I'm so overwhelmed. Not so much with the coursework; I've, thankfully, been able to resubmit most of the work I did last semester in order to save time. I've also done much better on the exams this time around. Still, I just feel pushed and forced into this path for financial reasons and that makes me a little depressed.

After tearing up and lamenting my grade, the Holy Spirit must've inspired me to think about the great professors and support system I have because I ended up crying again (this time, happy tears) as I reminisced and felt the love and support of former teachers and professors. I can still remember which teachers always encouraged me.

My second and third-grade teacher (she taught both grades) knew I wanted to be a lawyer (back then) and she told my parents -- in front of me, at an open house -- that she thought I could do it.

My fifth-grade teacher was the biggest academic cheerleader, telling me I had the brains to do whatever I wanted to do in life.

My sixth-grade math/science and English/history teachers gave me a "busy bee" award ("always working. always reading") and encouraged my love of books.

My seventh-grade science teacher defended me when I was badly bullied (long story) and encouraged me to keep going forward despite what the "crackheads" (he seriously called them that) were saying and doing to me.

My wonderful teachers when I transferred from regular high school to independent study through a charter school cheered me on, even when times were hard. My dad had been diagnosed with cancer when I was a junior in HS and had his surgery and chemotherapy before graduation. Through their support, I was able to finish half of my junior year and my entire senior year in a single semester and they even chose me to give the valedictorian-type speech at the graduation ceremony.

Mr. H (English professor whom I wrote about last month) and Mr. G (math professor) at Santa Monica College became my first academic cheerleaders in college.

At Pierce College, Dr. B (British Lit professor who became the inspiration for Prof. Normandy in the first Will and Lina novel) encouraged me to apply to Oxford University to transfer and Prof. W (academic counselor; professor) was the first professor to ever point out my writing abilities before I had even entertained the idea of writing as a career.

Ms. Lewis (from my alma mater; may she rest in peace) wasn't a professor but a counselor who was my only ally at my alma mater. I don't think I would've survived that horrible experience without her.

Dr. K at JP Catholic was incredibly encouraging during my brief stint as a graduate student. He knew about my accident and he was encouraging about my work, giving me the first (and only) A in grad school. (side note: shout out to Dr. K who had us read the Summa and got me on board the St. Thomas Aquinas fan club).

I'm not even counting my family and friends who know me and love me despite any academic hiccups I have along the way.

Recently one of my best friends posed a question no one had before: what if I didn't finish this degree? What's the worst that could happen? I had to stop and think about it. Worst case scenario: debt-city, baby. I have nearly $50k in student loans from 1 finished degree (which I've almost paid off completely) and 2 degrees I've started but haven't finished (MA in Theology; BS in Communicative Disorders). Finding a job that I can do with my (current) physical ailments and with a BA in Religious Studies (without teaching credentials) is near impossible, folks.

I talk about trusting God and yet I still tried to control my financial stability by picking career/degree that would help provide financial stability (this one). I've also tried to do a degree that didn't offer any stability but that I loved and then had to leave because my GPA dipped slightly under a 3.0 (2.94; seriously) following my car accident, thus making me ineligible to receive financial aid. I'm technically a student at FUS (I never declined their offer of admission) so I could finish my Master's degree but I think, if I end up having to leave this degree, I'm done with academia. I'm burnt out. I'll look for a job and let God take the reins though it's been hard since I graduated 5 years ago.

I close my eyes and imagine myself taking my academic/career issues and my health issues (particularly the pancytopenia which has been the most physically debilitating), kneeling down at the foot of the Cross, looking up at our crucified Lord and saying "these are my crosses and I don't know what to do. Please give me clarity as to how to carry them if it is Your will that I do so. If any of these things are not in Your plans for me, please make it clear so that I can leave them here, with You, and focus solely on what You want me to do."

So there's where I am. As I wrote a couple of blog posts ago, I had a feeling this was a possible outcome for me; that I wouldn't finish this program or not use this degree despite all the hard work I've put in. I'm still going to try very hard to do well on my finals and see what happens (though it will take a miracle to pass both classes at this point) and leave the rest up to God. I will work hard and do my best on my end but if things don't work out, He knows why.

I must trust in Him. I DO trust in Him. I just wish God would make His plans for me much clearer so I can do just them. I'm not afraid of the possibly of His calling me back to finish my Theology MA. I'm not afraid of the possibility of not finishing either degree. I'm not afraid taking on a job that would pay very little (enough just for the necessities of life). I just want to do His will.

See what the 30-day St. Joseph novena does to a gal? lol. 13 more days to go. Clarity, St. Joseph. That's all I want; I just want/need some clarity. In most areas of my life but particularly the career and academic area for now. I don't want to act on feelings because those can fool you so I'm going to finish this novena and pray for that clarity I so much desire.

Anyway, that's it for now. I've had this blog post idea (and most of it written out), sitting in my inbox for a couple of days and since I'm taking a tiny break from studying for my first final exam (which I hope to take between this coming Wednesday and Saturday), I thought I'd post it.

I hope you all have a lovely Divine Mercy Sunday and a great start of the week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Grad School Worries and Academic Pride

Picture courtesy of Ashley Ella Design.

In about a month I start my first quarter of grad school. My school, JP Catholic, runs on a quarter system which I haven't experienced because I've always been on a semester-based academic calendar. I've heard that it's a bit more fast-paced than the semester system but I'm not too worried since I'm only allowed to take two courses this quarter... which I am guessing will be like taking 4 semester courses. Still, it's the "being thrown into a new situation" that is starting to make me a bit nervous.

I'm having those same jitters everyone has on the first day of a new school or job. I'm worried about messing up. When I received my first reading and writing assignment for my Fundamental Theology and Biblical Interpretations course (a little over a month early; thank you, Dr. Barber!) I was equal parts excited and intimidated. They're starting us off with St. Thomas Aquinas' Summa Theologiæ and the Catechism of the Catholic Church. I actually just finished reading through the entire Catechism earlier this summer but I've never really tackled Summa before. I've read bits and pieces (and very few of those) throughout the years but never at the level which I know I will have to for this course. *gulp*

As I was going through the list of questions and textbooks required, little doubts started popping up. "Am I even smart enough for this program?" "Will I be able to retain all the information?" "Will I be an adequate teacher once I finish this program and start working?" "What if I fail again? I haven't been in school for almost a year and the last time I was in school, I had to drop out due to the stress affecting my health." "What if I can't handle the workload again?" There are more questions but you get the gist of it. Oddly enough, all these questions are making me feel better about the situation. Allow me to explain...

I will be the first to admit that I've taken great pride about my academic career... to the point where a trip to the confessional was necessary. As a kid, I was the one who showed off, the know-it-all. I think I just let all the praise about being "smart" go to my head... and no one bothered to correct it. I was a kid, what did I know? While I got a better handle of it as I got older (and I got quieter and more reserved), it was still there in my mind. I took great pride in having graduated high school a year and a half early; in being able to give the valedictorian speech at the graduation ceremony. Though I stunk at math (my academic Achilles heel), I was still able to miraculously passed and graduated from my undergraduate program on the Dean's List.

After years of feeling a little too pleased with myself over my academic career, I got the much needed dose of humility and reality last year. Starting the Communicative Disorders at Utah State last year was exciting and not very nerve wrecking for me. First semester I didn't receive anything belong a B. I was feeling pretty great about myself... and then I didn't even finish my second semester, having to leave a month before it concluded. My health had suffered from me pushing myself beyond my limits. Surprise the "academic Super girl" found her match. I had begun failing exams and I couldn't understand why. I knew the material and I studied hard. I did great with the on-site work with the little kids. Still, it was hard for me to pass the exams. In a weird way, I'm extremely grateful to have gone through all of that because it helped me get rid of that incredibly prideful part of myself.

I think that part of why I'm worried about my potential success (or failure) at JP Catholic stems from what happened at Utah State. I was knocked off my academic high horse but that was one of the best things that could've happened to me. If this is what I want to do with my life (and it is), then I need to approach the rest of my academic career and training with humility. It can't be "look what I can do; look at how smart I am." It needs to be "I'm grateful for what God can do through me for others." I need to take out any selfish thinking... to rid myself of that pride that I held for many, many years.

So, yes, I'm worried about how I'll do, academically. I care too much about it. Although I fought it for so long, I know my passion is teaching others and helping evangelization efforts in any way I'm able to. I gravitate towards putting my efforts towards youth because of how poorly catechized I was and what a terrible path I was going down before I reverted. I want to help prevent that in others. I'm young at heart and I look young enough that they can feel comfortable talking to me or coming to me for advice (or so I've been told).

Of course, I'm going to approach my entire grad program keeping that in my mind. This isn't about me or what I can gain from it (other than the knowledge necessary to help others.) It's going to take a lot of prayer and a lot of revisiting my motives every once in a while. I need to keep myself in check and accountable for my thoughts and actions. :)

Come at me, negative, worrisome thoughts. You'll just remind me that I need to rely on God and to remember that I can't let the pride creep up on me again. :)

That's it for now. I have some errands to run (in 100+ degree weather... oy with the poodles) and other things to do around the house. :D Oh! I'm taking a little break from Twitter for the sake of my sanity. I think everyone (myself included) is burnt out from the craziness of the summer and there's been too much infighting and subtweeting for my taste. I don't know how long the break will last but I'll keep everyone in prayer. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Dear Student Headed Back to a Public or CINO School...

Dear Student Headed Back to a Public or CINO School,

congrats on returning to school this Fall semester! If you're a freshman, good luck on your new journey. If you're just continuing, good luck on the rest of your journey. If you're a senior, you're almost done! It'll go by faster than you'll expect so enjoy every moment. :D

Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, I'd like to address issues I've seen (and, unfortunately, continue to see) as a faithful Catholic at a not-so-orthodox school. It's really hard holding onto your beliefs and/or being vocal about them at a place where Catholicism and/or religion is seen as something that needs reform and/or to be squashed. I saw it when I was at public community colleges (I didn't get a chance to give my pro-life rebuttal in an abortion debate in a Philosophy course despite the pro-choice student having the opportunity to present her side).

As an undergrad, I saw it when I was at a "Catholic" (in name only; CINO) college in which they openly defied documents they signed (and admitted to signing) stating that they could not teach liberation theology, spoke ill of priests, called Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI a "super rat in red shoes", was made to read questionable books and sit through terrible lectures, and suffered through so much crumbs that I've often been told I should write in detail about what I endured (which I will, when it's least expected).

As a post-BA/pre-MS SLP (speech-language pathology) student, I'm still seeing it in a class. Admittedly, it's only been one professor in a non-SLP course because my school (Utah State University; public university) is in "Mormon country" and all my other professors and classmates have seemed more openly pro-life and/or conservative; even more so than at my "Catholic" alma mater.

The point is that, unless you're at one of the wonderfully orthodox Catholic colleges, you'll more than likely encounter the same or similar stories. You will be tempted to stay silent because your professor will allow those with more "liberal" beliefs to speak out while suppressing those who are more "conservative" (the stories I could tell). You may have professors who will give you dirty looks or refuse to let you speak out in class... or even make you cry in class because of their hostility (been there). You will face so many challenges that will make you want to either "tone down" your beliefs and/or simply stay silent. To that I say: don't you dare!

If you're still a theology "newbie" or don't understand the Church teachings regarding some topics (abortion, gay marriage, and celibacy are the big ones that almost always come up), do the research from legitimate theologians and/or Catholic apologists. I was blessed to have a friend, who is also a Catholic apologist, in my corner (as well as other incredibly savvy friends) who encouraged me and supplied me with the knowledge (many times, books) I needed to be able to form the counterargument needed in class. Educate yourself instead of going along with what some professors "teach" you. If it sounds sketchy, look it up yourself. You would (or maybe wouldn't) be surprised at how many of my previously orthodox classmates were taken over to the "dark side" (no, they don't have cookies, either) because they believed that the professors wouldn't lead them astray. It was painful to watch. (side note: although, I'll admit, I did get at least one person out of my alma mater when I did some "underground" work letting friends and classmates know that what was being taught wasn't orthodox).

If you live on-campus or away from home, don't alter your prayer life too much. If you need to do some time management and schedule in some prayer time in the middle of the craziness, do it! Don't say "oh, I'll do it later" because no, you most likely won't do it later. Don't stop attending Mass. Not only is it a mortal sin to not attend Sunday Mass (or Saturday Vigil Mass) without a legitimate reason, it's also going to make it harder for you to keep your faith in one piece. You can say that you're a "strong and faithful Catholic" all you want but college and independence always come with temptations that will attempt to pull you away from God.

I'm going to share something I don't think I've ever shared on this blog (or outside my close circle of friends) before: though I commuted to school, there were still a variety of temptations that popped up. On a number of occasions, I was invited to "hang out" (or, sometimes, straight out getting invited to "spend the night"/"sleep with... for fun; no strings attached") at the apartments of male classmates. A big NOPE. Invites to go out drinking when I was underage? I always passed. (side note: I still don't drink alcohol but that's more because a) I've never been drawn to drinking and b) doctors have suggested I abstain from alcohol for health (anxiety) reasons.) If you're old enough to drink, I have nothing against it; just don't get so drunk that your judgment is impaired. I was one of the fortunate few who was never invited to try drugs but I wouldn't have regardless. Ditching class? Invited to do. Cheat on exams? Definitely had those temptations (but I couldn't/can't). Doing things that would harm me (mentally, psychologically, physically, spiritually) in some way? Had at least one per day.

My tips for staying Catholic in college: If you're able to, attend daily Mass. You don't know what a blessing it was for me to be able to do it whenever I didn't have morning classes. Go to confession as frequently as you need to. Pray the Rosary and/or Chaplet of the Divine Mercy daily if possible. Keep praying throughout the day (when you wake up, at meal times, before bed). Offer up anything that may upset you (I personally used St. Therese sacrifice beads during my time at the CINO college). Do novenas. Surround yourself with other faithful Catholics. Get a spiritual director if you don't already have one. Etc etc. There are so many things you can do to keep your faith intact and so many wonderful people willing to help you along the way. If you stumble along the way, remember that you can always try again. We're human and we will all fail at doing something from time to time but we can always pick ourselves up, confess it (if it must be), and start again.

Also, my personal, "no fail" list of patron saints for students:
- Holy Spirit (especially during exam weeks or hard courses)
- St. Thomas Aquinas (patron of students)
- St. Joseph of Cupertino (patron of exam takers)
- Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati (personal academic patron; died one exam short of completing degree, highly recommended for college students)
- look up the patron of the career you've chosen (i.e. St. Drogo for us SLPs-in-training)

This blog post is getting too long so I'll conclude with this: don't be afraid to speak up about your faith and/or your beliefs. If you don't believe yourself capable of defending your faith, read up on it for the next time. We are called to speak the Truth, even if others don't want to hear it. It may not make you popular in this world, but isn't it our goal to reach Heaven and not please those here on earth?

And with that, I must return to my own studies. I have a couple of things due within the next week and I want to finish them as early as possible (read: I want to have some free time without stressing about meeting deadlines).

Good luck, everyone! Remember to not give up or, as Bl. Pier Giorgio used to say, "Verso l'alto!"

Sincerely,

I've Made Some Big, Life-Changing Decisions

As you can probably guess from the title, I've decided to share some pretty big decisions that I've made over the last couple of weeks. These decisions range from changes in my career, residence, and some other faith related changes.

First, as some of you may know, I recently did a St. Thomas Aquinas novena regarding grad school. If you've read this blog long enough, you know that I had been struggling to figure out what to do about grad school since before I graduated last year. Did I want to follow up my Religious Studies BA with a Master's in Theology? Did I want to follow my dream of being a writer and pursue a MFA in Creative Writing? I was torn between the two and, up until a few weeks ago, I was still undecided. Then I was inspired by the son of one of my dearest friends (Kathryn) to look into becoming a Speech Therapist. Well, I technically had a dream that I was visiting her family and had told her that I wished I was a therapist so I could help her, but it was enough to trigger the curiosity in me. After one of my Godmothers brought it up (without knowing that I was considering it), I really looked into it and it all sort of clicked for me.

Up until my father's death, I often talked how I had wished I had the stomach to become a doctor or even a nurse. I can handle some things but blood and seeing open cuts and wounds will make me faint. That's why I ruled that out early on. However, I've always wanted to help people out somehow. Then, as I said, it clicked for me. My mom and my uncle have stutters. Three of my best friends have children with autism. This is something I could do to really help people. I definitely have the patience, the heart to help, and it suits my personality. I even checked out my personality profile (I'm an INFP) for kicks and, sure enough, Speech Pathologist is on the list. So, after all of the things I've explained (as well as a lot of prayer), I've decided to change careers. I will always write but I think I'll be more comfortable writing my own novels and articles on the side and have Speech-Language Pathology as my main career.

It wasn't easy to get to this decision. Freelance writing is incredibly unstable. I knew that when I started last year. While I have really enjoyed some of my assignments (I'll always make time to write for H&R Block; side note: my latest post for them was published today), overall, I've been unhappy. I love writing but I figured out a few weeks back that (except for my H&R Block assignments, as well as those I've written for Envoy Magazine), most of my work has left me feeling empty and like I'm wasting my time. I no longer feel as though this is what God has planned for me. Sure, Speech Pathology pays a lot more (which is why I hesitated on the decision; I didn't want to make it based on greed or anything like that) but that's not why I want to do it. I just think that what I have to offer the world would be better spent helping others than writing  about which movies are currently playing "On Demand" for a cable company I personally ditched two weeks ago.

Along with the change of career, I've also decided to relocate. I've been wanting to move out of Los Angeles since, I kid you not, I was about 6 years old and I'll hopefully (finally!) get a chance to as I pursue this journey. All of the grad programs I want to apply to are in colder climates, which works for me; I'm sick of the hot weather. I will apply to a program here as well but I'm considering that as my backup. I am sure God will help guide me exactly where He wants me to be.

All of this has made me rely more on my faith, wanting to do God's will, and take my own feelings out of the equation. I loathe math with every fiber of my being but I'm going to have to get over it because I need at least one more upper division math class to take. As far as schools go, (from what I know) there are no orthodox Catholic universities that offer a SLP Masters degree. Not happy about that (would've loved to have attended a good Catholic uni) but maybe it's what I need to strengthen my faith. Also, a lot of the universities on the top of my list are in very liberal cities, which is going to be fun. Yes, there was a hint of sarcasm when I wrote that last sentence. lol. I definitely have my pick of the university I would love to attend, and the city in which it is in is my ideal to live in, but it's not about what I want. Again, it's about God's will and what He would like me to do. I just have to surrender any selfish desires and trust Him. I'm going to immerse myself in more prayer over the next couple of months (I'll be applying this autumn to begin during Fall 2014) and go from there.

I know that all these changes will alter a lot of things in my life. I will have to leave behind my comfort zone. I'm going to have to challenge myself in ways I wasn't anticipating. Overall, I'm hoping that my resolution to trust God completely and not worry about the future will prove to be a success because, as I wrote last month, it's never been easy for me to completely let go in the past. A new career. A new place to live in (I've lived at the same address for the past 22 years). And I will possibly have to do this by myself, without anyone there to help me. *gulp*

Anyway, just wanted to share this. If y'all can spare a prayer, I'd grateful appreciate it. :D

Sorry for the long post but, well, you guys know I love to write a little too much sometimes. lol.

I hope y'all have a great start of  the weekend. :D If you have any prayer requests, please send them by way. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!

Catholic Nerd Say What?, Fun in Philosophy

I am surprised I'm functioning on 4 hours of sleep. I'm not even tired enough for a nap! This lack of sleep has done two things to me: make me VERY giddy (I haven't stopped smiling all day AND you can't bring me down no matter how hard you try) and also very brave.

The reason for the lack of sleep was because I was doing studying for the Philosophy exam I had an exam today. Since I missed it last Wednesday (due to my still being ill), I had to make it up today. I studied... I crammed... I'm pretty sure I didn't ace the test. I drew a lot of blanks. Thankfully, the exam was mainly multiple choice (which made me remember the answers more quickly) and it was based on things from the Old Testament that I knew (this exam was on the Judaism portion of the course). Still, I'm not too confident about it. If I passed, it'll be a miracle and St. Joseph of Cupertino is getting all the credit for that because I couldn't concentrate too well on the exam. After the test, though, things went very well -- for me.

I feel a little bad about being smug about what I'm about to share but... well, you'll see what I don't feel completely bad about it. After I finished my exam (in about half an hour), I went back into the classroom to hear the rest of today's lecture. Since it's the beginning of the Christianity portion of the course (whoo-hoo!) I didn't want to miss it. I knew he'd naturally go into Catholicism (which the professor called the "universal" religion) first so I was pumped. This is something I wouldn't need to study (much) for. That excitement turned into "what is he talking about?" and thus my fun in Philosophy began.

I turned the next hour of class into my own personal game... which I really shouldn't have done but it made the class fun. lol. I payed very close attention to what he was lecturing... and I caught a couple of discrepancies that I was more than happy to correct. Who was the only one in the class who knew St. Elizabeth's (mother of St. John the Baptist) husband, Zacharias (St. Zachary)? It wasn't the professor; it was little ol' me. lol. This isn't the first time I've had to fill in the blanks. Making sure they didn't get St. Joseph and St. Jude Thaddeus mixed up? I spoke up on that. Going into talks about St. Thomas Aquinas' "Summa Theologica"? I was all over that. Making sure people understood that Jesus Christ resurrected on the 3rd day, not from one day to another? I said my two cents on that. Talking about Christianity like it was the most ridiculous thing? You'll get a raised eyebrow from me. Debating the Virgin Mary's virginity? Oh heck no! No one messes with my mama! I'm pretty sure the professor is already pretty sick of me but, oh, it's only going to get started. I'm sorry but I have to speak up... especially after he said that he sympathized with Pontius Pilate. "Seriously? Did you just really say that? Oh... it's SO on!" Catholic nerd say what? Did she just challenge her professor. Yes... yes, I did. lol. Any attacks on Catholicism can and will be counterattacked by me... and I shall do it with a smile. Is it bad that I get so much joy from proving professors (who talk smack about the Catholic Church) wrong? I feel a little bad about being smug... but I enjoyed it too much to feel horrible. Maybe I should continue attending a public college/university so I can keep arguing with Philosophy and Religious Studies professors who have things all wrong... I'm a stinker, aren't I? lol. :D Does anyone else do this or am I just a weirdo who loves debating with professors? lol.

One professor I won't be debating -- my math professor. My course started today... and I should go do that before I crash. Fingers crossed that last night's all-nighter will be my only one this semester. Let's hope so because I'm way too giddy and silly for my own good when I have less than 5 hours of sleep. My obsession with Laurel and Hardly movies at the moment pretty much tells you how silly I am. lol.

And speaking of Laurel and Hardy, I hope you enjoy these videos of musical moments by them. :D




Alright, that's it for now. I'm off to tackle math *groans*. lol. I wish I was done with my lower division requirement so I could take all my Philosophy and Religious Studies courses and have more fun. lol. And, yes, this is me stalling. lol. Alright, alright, I'm going. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Transfer Application Tango and Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati.

It's the time of the year when high school seniors and transfer students are doing the transfer application tango. Of course it's not called that but I like to call it that. Don't ask me why, I just do. lol. Anyway, as some of you (who have read this blog for over a year) know, I went through this process last year. Unfortunately, plans change (when do they not?) and I must go through this again. The good news is that I'm a lot more prepared than I was last year. I'm basically done with all my core requirements and have even got all but one or two of the lower division requirements completed. One of those requirements that I need I'm currently taking (Philosophy of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam -- or, as I call it, Phil. of Monotheistic Religions) so I'll be free to take my Creative Writing lower division requirement (last one I need) next semester. "But wait, aren't you just majoring in Religious Studies?" you may ask. Well, no. I'm technically double majoring in Religious Studies AND Creative Writing. If I end up at one of school I'm applying to in L.A. I'll be able to do both without much trouble. If I end up at my dream school (yes, I decided to apply despite protests and guilt trips from my mother)), I'll have to either focus on one of those OR opt to merge them together and major in Religion, Literature, and the Arts. Yes, that's the official title of it. I have a lot of options, which I'm really excited about.

I'm also excited that I dropped my Biological Psychology course. Had I mentioned that before? I don't remember. Anyway, I had to drop it. I had begun getting chest pains (and scary ones at that) because the class really stressed me out. The professor was kind of nutty so I decided to take it next semester with another professor. It all works out because I needed two more courses to be considered a full time student next semester and now I have one less to worry about. Of course I ask for saints intercessions when it gets tough but this was one class I just couldn't handle because of the professor's unrealistic expectations.

I ask St. Joseph of Cupertino whenever I am nervous about an exam (which has been twice so far) and I've done very well. St. Thomas Aquinas also gets props because I ask him to intercede for me when I'm at a loss for words in my Philosophy course. Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati is going to be my transfer application patron saint. Why did I choose him? Because a) the way he lived his life inspires me to become a better person, b) he was my age when he went up to heaven, and c) he never got to finish his degree. In fact, he was just about to finish his degree to become a mining engineer when he contracted poliomyelitis and passed away. Since it's taken me this long to finish my own degree (due to illness and taking care of my father for all those years), I thought it was appropriate to ask for his intercession during this process. I'm not going to ask that, through his intercession, I get into my dream school. That would entirely too selfish of me. I'm going to pray that I get into the school that I will learn the most from; where I will be able to help others better. Of course, I want to go to my dream university but if it's not where the Lord wants me, then I won't go there. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I'm leaving it all up to God. May I go and do according to His will, not mine.

You know what? Since I wrote that blog about enjoying being single and giving my heart to God for safe keeping, things have gotten much better. Everything is falling into place. I am less worried about a lot of things. I've been able to enjoy my friendships (with both my girlfriends and guy friends) a lot better. I can see some of my friendships coming to an end, and I'm sad about that, but I can also see why it would be for the best. Leaving it all up to God, yet trying to live my life as best as I can and never giving up on my dreams, is something I should've done a long time ago. *content sigh*

Alright, that's it for now. I'm going to go take a test for my Interpersonal Communication class... two weeks early. Yes, it's not due for another 2 weeks but if I can get it done today I can read the two chapters on Judaism assigned for my Philosophy course. It's all review for me since I've taken similar courses but I still love any excuse I can get to read the Old Testament and then see how various textbooks (authors, really) interpret it. :D And now I'm stalling. lol.

I hope everyone had a great week and weekend. Fingers crossed that I can make it Mass later today (if I feel well enough to walk two miles two and from the nearest parish). As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D



P.S. The book reviews on the Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati books are coming soon. Seriously. Just let me get through the next couple of days (up to Wednesday, max) of class lectures so I can focus solely on the reviews.

St. Joseph of Cupertino is Awesome (Prayer Included)!

I didn't even plan to write my first blog back from my hiatus (I am free from homeworkland!) on St. Joseph of Cupertino's feast day but it all happened that way. I think it's entirely appropriate because thanks to him, and Joe of Verbum Veritatis, I was able to test out of that dreadful math course I was taking. For those of you who are from outside the U.S. and Canada and are wondering why the heck I'm taking a math course when I'm specifically studying Religious Studies, Philosophy, and Literature... well, to put it simply, it's part of our lower division requirements. We're all supposed to get a general education which involves subjects like math, science, speech, etc. Math and science, which are my least favorite subjects, are the last things on my list to be able to transfer elsewhere and to move onto upper division courses in which I will focus on my major. I don't mind science too much, and the Biological Psychology course isn't that bad - though I could do without their trying to get me to support stem cell research (not gonna happen, buddy!) - but math... *shudders*. Since it has been years since I last took a math course, I was stuck in an algebra class. The first two weeks of school I sat there and yawned the entire 2.5 hours I was stuck there. I kept telling myself "Hey, I know this stuff... why do I have to suffer through this again?" Luckily, thanks to the intercession of St. Thomas Aquinas and St. Joseph of Cupertino, the head of the assessment center allowed me to take the exam to see if I could test out of math. This was very difficult, and had actually attempted to do the same thing last year but they wouldn't let me, so the fact that I was given the opportunity was a miracle. They very rarely bend the rules like this for anyone.

As soon as I found out I has a chance to take the test, I took action. I was already on the first day of my twitter-facebook hiatus so I knew I would have time to study. I had forgotten a lot of the things I learned in high school so I called Joe and asked him to tutor me. (It helps when you have fellow Catholic friends who are majoring in Math. lol.) We set up a time and place (btw, Joe is awesome for driving an hour out to where I live!) and he helped me remember things I had forgotten. After nearly 3 hours of going over algebra equations (oy!) I was confident that I would do well on the test the next day. The next day comes and I completely blanked on everything again. Even up to an hour before I went in to take the test, I could not remember anything. I asked St. Joseph of Cupertino, who is the patron saint of exam takers, to please help me out. All I wanted was to test out of that dreadful algebra class and move onto Statistics next semester. My mom actually asked St. Joseph of Cupertino the same thing while I was taking the test, and you know a mother's prayer/blessing is worth a lot. :D As the test went on, I started remembering everything I'd gone over with Joe the day before... and memories of HS teachers writing things on the board a decade earlier. An hour and a half after starting the test, I got the final result: I not only passed, I was only 2-3 questions away from testing straight out of it. Having to take a semester of math (a class I didn't take in high school) is way better than the entire school year plus the Winter break of math. I was so happy, I yelled "Thank you, God!" in the assessment center, making the student workers laugh. I specifically asked St. Joseph of Cupertino to at least get me into the class I needed to be done with the math requirement next semester... and I did. See? He will totally help you out if you ask him to help you on your exam. Of course, don't expect him to help you ask for his intercession only because you are too lazy to study. Prayer and studying is the magic combo. :)

And, in case you need the prayer to St. Joseph of Cupertino for your exams, here it is (and be sure to tell others of this prayer when he intercedes for you):

O St. Joseph of Cupertino who by your prayer obtained from God to be asked at your examination, the only preposition you knew. Grant that I may like you succeed in the (here mention the name of Examination eg. History paper I ) examination.
In return I promise to make you known and cause you to be invoked.
O St. Joseph of Cupertino pray for me
O Holy Ghost enlighten me
Our Lady of Good Studies pray for me
Sacred Head of Jesus, Seat of divine wisdom, enlighten me.

Now I am free to not study math again until October when I'll be taking an 8 week course to help me strengthen my math a little more so I can kick tush in Stats next semester. Yay! Now all I will have to do is worry about Biological Psychology, Philosophy of Monotheistic Religions, and Interpersonal Communication. Bio Psych is the only one that makes me procrastinate but it's not that bad. :) To be quite honest, I'm more worried about how often my fellow classmates use the Lord's name in vain and how horrible the wardrobe choices other female classmates make than I am about my classes. I will write more about that hopefully tomorrow. *sigh* 15 Units (did I mention that I'm also taking a career planning course over the weekend for fun?)... this is my record and I hope to make it out alive at the end of the semester. lol. :D

I think I'm going to go look into the application process for Oxford right after this. Yes, THAT Oxford University, in England. It's a long shot (I have a better chance of striking it rich) but it won't hurt to apply. A former English/British Literature professor encouraged me to apply so I am going to. Wish me luck! :) Alright, that's all for now. I am going to go look at the international students requirements before my big brother (the one closest to me in age) comes over to check up on me. I wonder what the odds are of him not teasing me this time. Probably slim to none. lol.

I hope everyone had a great week! As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.

Back to School With Prayers, Saints, and Faith.

*Picture: Textbooks for my Biological Psychology, Interpersonal Communication, and Philosophy of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam courses. St. Dymphna prayer card on top of Bio. Psych. book; St. Thomas Aquinas prayer card on top of Phil. book. Yes, I purposely put each saint on book that relates to their patronage.*

First off, I just want to say a big "Thank you!" for all the positive (and one not so positive) feedback on the last post I wrote on being single. I got a couple of messages on here, a couple on twitter, etc. It makes me happy to know that some of y'all enjoyed it and/or that helped you in some way, no matter how small it might've been. :D

Now, I'm sure the following topic is one that most students dread after a long summer vacation: Returning to school and classes. I'm actually both very excited and slightly nervous about going back to school. This post is already sounding a little like last year's, isn't it? lol. Well, I'm not as nervous as I was last year because I was able to make it through the last semester with NO ANXIETY (first ever since I was 15 and newly diagnosed with anxiety disorder) and the entire school year without dropping any classes. Yes! It definitely gave me confidence about the rest of my career as a student. I still give a lot of credit to St. Dymphna for always listening to my prayers, and St. Thomas Aquinas and St. Joseph of Cupertino for their help/intercession during the school year. By the way, you can find the student prayers to both St. Thomas Aquinas and St. Joseph of Cupertino here. I will bring them (saints and prayers) up again around midterm and finals so y'all can find them if you don't bookmark the page now.

Last year was the most successful year I've had in a long time. I intend to pray as much, if not more, than I did last year. Since I have time between my Philosophy course and the "staff" meetings for the school's literary magazine (side note: yes, I'm once again working on it except that this time I'm doing it as a way of saying 'thank you' to my former English Lit prof. and not for credit), I hope to be able to go to a nearby parish. I don't know why but there's just something I love about going to church during the week, even if there is no Mass being said at the time. *shrugs* I will definitely be there during midterms and finals week because it's when I'm most stressed. I've made it a goal to go back to school with a lot of prayers, saints (either in the form of reading books on and/or by them or by asking for their intercessions) and a lot of faith. I have a feeling my course load will require me to be on the "defense" when it comes to my faith... especially in my Philosophy course.

As a Religious Studies major, I take at least one Philosophy course per semester (two last Spring). This semester I'm doing one on the three monotheistic religions: Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. I hope I won't have to do as much defending of Catholicism as I did last year but most likely I will. Last semester I won my battle in one of Philosophy courses (Philosophy of World Religions) and no one bashed Catholicism after a while. In the other course (Ethics), the professor just quit giving wrong information on Catholicism because he knew that my friend/classmate/fellow Catholic, Elizabeth, and I would immediately correct him or make comments on what he was saying. And we sat right in front of him, too, with our rosaries and miraculous medals in full display. lol. (side note: He was a Unitarian minister). I will not stay quiet and let someone drag our religious through the mud, especially if it's based on misinformation. I think I'm a little more prepared than I was last semester to face whatever Catholic bashing might come so... BRING. IT. ON! lol.

I'm going to have one packed course load this semester, but I'm SO EXCITED! My courses this semester are as follows:
- Philosophy of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam
- Biological Psychology
- Interpersonal Communication (Part Two)
- Mathematics.

I'm going to definitely pray I don't suffer through my math course because it's, without a doubt, my worst subject. lol. I haven't taken a math course in years (yes, seriously) but it's a requirement so I must. I actually have to take math the entire school year so... *groan* Luckily I love all my other courses (well, love what we're supposed to learn in each class) so I hope it all balances out. Did I also mention that I'm joining a couple of clubs (not counting the Literary Magazine)? Yup. I want to be able to really experience college now that I don't have as many restrictions as I had in the past.

I'm actually pretty introverted at school (stems from my being humiliated in front of my peers, by a teacher no less, in high school) so it will good for me to be a little more social. One of the clubs is also for students who are Christians and Catholics so it'll be good. No Newman Centers at either of the schools I'll be attending, since they're community colleges, but I'll try this club/group. Last year they held movie festivals (for movies such as Facing the Giants) during the Fall, which was pretty cool. I am also prepared to set anyone's preconceived notions of Catholicism straight. I won't getting into heated arguments over it (I tend to avoid that with non-professors, lol), but I will try to clarify things to them. Maybe if I do these things, less people will talk ill about the Church or its members. It might be a pipe dream but I'll hold onto it. :)

Alright, well, I should probably go get my class things in order so that I can just wake up on Monday morning and go to class, unstressed. *fingers crossed* I'll be sure to take my prayer cards with me, as well as a Rosary, in case I feel a bit anxious. :) I hope that everyone that's going back, or has gone back, has a successful school year... and that we Californians don't suffer too badly with all the budget cuts the Goverantor made. That's a whole 'nother rant y'all don't want to hear. lol. ;)

Okay, I'll be quiet now. :D Thanks for reading and God Bless!

Final Exams; Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati's Intercession; And... Break!

First post as a 24 year-old. I actually do feel different (and I have to mention this because I've been asked) but I'm not entirely sure it's in a good way. I've been going through a sort of funk lately. I feel disjointed... not at all like myself. I haven't been acting very like myself, either. It's hard with everything that's going on. I've tried staying very optimistic but there are people who just LOVE to rain on my parade. One minute I'm okay, joking and acting normal (well, normal for me), and the next I'm completely bummed out because someone has to dampen my spirits. The whole thing has me on a roller coaster of emotions, which I hate. It's completely unhealthy, which is why I'm going to take a mini-vacation starting tonight. More on that later.

For everyone who is beginning their finals or about to take them, I say GOOD LUCK to y'all. I just did my English final this morning. We were supposed to do it next Monday and the professor acknowledged that she messed up the dates but she still made us get up early and do the final nearly a week early. A lot of my fellow classmates were on the verge of ganging up on her. I'm pretty sure she heard me say that we should protest. lol. Well, that's one less final I have to worry about. I have my final Speech assignment due tonight. My Philosophy of World Religions course (which, as I wrote for my final assignment, made me extremely proud to be Roman Catholic -- I'm in the right religion. lol) is having the final on Friday. My final exam will be for my Philosophy of Ethics course and that's next Monday. I will then hand in my pro-life/anti-abortion research paper. I combined the speech I wrote earlier in the semester against abortion and I added more things to it -- including snippets from mini interviews I did with various people. I'm very proud of it. :D It's too long to post it on here but I might add snippets of it at a later date. And for those of you who need an extra something... you can always pray for the intercession of St. Joseph of Cupertino (patron saint of exam takers; students) and St. Thomas Aquinas. Go again and click the link, it has the prayers you need. :D

Now onto something I'm going to ask y'all to help me out with. As I've written before, Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati has had a great, positive impact on me. Today (actually, at 5 P.M. PST), his niece, Wanda Gawronska, and the founder of FrassatiUSA, Christine Wohar, will be speaking on him on EWTN Live. Uh, I'm so watching it. lol. I still have the book reviews on the books his sister has written which I hope to post as soon as I finish my finals. So what exactly do I need help with? Well, I've decided to ask for Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati's intercession for my father. If we get the miracle, I am willing to report it and further the cause for his canonization. I've been thinking about it for some time now and something finally clicked to do it. So, if y'all can please help me out by praying for his intercession, I'd greatly appreciate it. The doctors are giving dad 8-9 months to live... and that's without the chemotherapy which they are delaying way too much. (I'm currently in a fight with them over the chemo which they are refusing to give him.) I just want my dad to be around long enough to walk me down the aisle when I get married (someday in the future...). If you're in, please let me know.

Alright, I think that's enough for now. Going back to my mini-vacation thing... except for online exams and assignments I have to do, I will be M.I.A. from the 'net. Sometimes I say that but then come back 2-3 days later. Not this time. I am serious about praying for dad so I am going to remove me from the online world (as well as giving up a few things I love for a couple of months) and just dedicating myself to prayer and reflection for the next week. I also need re-evaluate a couple of things (and friendships) in my life. I'm going to make the most of this time... and I'll be able to since I'm ready for my exams and therefore unstressed. I'll be back next Wednesday.

So, that's it. I'm going to go watch the Daily Mass and then Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati special on EWTN. :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Bus Adventures; Midterms; Transfer Decisions; Music Monday.

If there is one thing about taking public transportation, it's that you never know how your trip will go. I have been relying on L.A.'s massive public trans system to get everywhere, for the past week. Dad's out of the country... and he took the car keys so no one would use either of the cars while he's gone. Pfft. Anyway, I've had my fair share of bus adventures... though I don't know if any could top the ones I had on Saturday and today.

On Saturday, we took the bus to Sherman Oaks (where I did some of my growing up) to go shopping for a while. On our way back home, we encountered the rudest bus driver I've ever seen. A mentally disabled man passed by and tapped his card (we use TAP cards when we take multiple buses throughout a period of time) twice (on accident). When he figured it wasn't working, he went back to his seat. The bus driver, who already looked like he was in a bad mood, tried to explain to the man about the card but the man was focusing on getting to his seat so he missed the convo. The bus driver then started calling the man a *bleep*h*le and basically humiliating the poor guy. When the man said he was mentally disabled, the bus driver said "yeah, no kidding!" Completely uncalled for and all. The guy went up to the bus driver and showed his disabled card... but still continued to berate him with a number of profanities. I took the bus driver's number and info, all while the driver glared at me with a menacing look. I don't care how much you try to intimidate me, I'm reporting your butt for being such a punk.

Today's rides were interesting. I had no less than 3 former classmates in the same bus coming home from school. All 3 were guys I went to school with prior to the age of 13 so it was interesting to see them again. They all looked at me like "... do I know you...?" but two of them didn't say anything. Now, I don't know who thinks it's a good idea to divulge so much after not seeing someone for the past 12 years, but it's not a good idea to do so. Asking me for my number, after you tell me (with pride) that you just got out of jail and that you fathered a child at 15, won't get you that number. I don't care if we were in the same 5th grade class, it's just not gonna happen, kid. I've had some interesting experiences with guys on buses but this one takes the cake. Where's my bodyguard when I need him? lol. Oh, and did I mention that prior to all of this, the bus driver to school nearly ran over two elderly men... at two different stops? One of those times, the bus came to a screeching halt and all of us were thrown forward. I'm amazed no one got thrown on the floor or hurt in that. I won't be taking public transportation for the rest of the day. lol.

Something I WILL be doing the rest of the day is studying for my midterms. Well, one of them. I have my Philosophy of Ethics midterm on Wednesday. I don't think we have a midterm for English Lit, but we do have an essay due on Wednesday. My Philosophy of World Religions (one of my favorite courses ever) prof. pushed our midterm until after Spring Break. My Speech prof (whom I'm still fighting with) is unclear about the midterm for us but I am ready to take it whenever he gives it to us. I will definitely be saying a prayer to St. Joseph of Cupertino (patron saint of students and exam takers) just because I want to do really well on my midterms and he's come through for me in the past.

Another thing I have to think about in the next few days, and probably ask St. Thomas Aquinas for his intercession, is making my decision on where I'll transfer to. I didn't tell anyone that I'd applied elsewhere as back up options (because I didn't want to jinx it), but it seems I now have options to go elsewhere. I have the option for two universities in England, apparently there's a loophole for UBC (University of British Columbia) since I'd be transferring so that's an option again, as well as two public universities in L.A. I've already nixed going to UBC, even though living in Vancouver is basically a dream for me. I have friends near both schools in England (one near the English countryside, one up north) so that's appealing. If I were to chose one of the schools in L.A., I'd have to change my major to an English (with an emphasis on Creative Writing) major, Religious Studies minor. Or I could just keep going to Mount St. Mary's College. The only thing about that is that, out of all the options, MSMC is the most expensive. Yes, even more so than the unis in England. I just don't know. I have a lot of thinking to do, and only two weeks to make up my mind. If I decide to go to school in England (which I was originally going to do two years ago, before my father's second battle with cancer kept me here), I'll have a chance to check both of the schools out since I have Spring Break starting mid-next week. Also, I have friends who are basically threatening to kidnap me and take me to London (whoo! lol) so it'll work out. We'll see what happens.

Alright before this turns into a novel, I'll stop... but not before Music Monday's video. This is for all of you who are in the middle of midterms. Listen to Dinah Washington and "Relax Max."

Alright, I need to study. *sigh* Just a few more days until Spring Break. I can do it... I can do it... lol. :D Good luck to everyone who has midterms this week and next!

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Faith Trashing Professors; Ethics Speech; Prayer Request.

I'm having one of those days where I'm missing my big brother, quite badly, so I have to throw myself into things to keep from thinking about it too much. I know he's up in Heaven, and that brings me some comfort.

Anyway...

Oy to the vey. School related things are slowly taking over my free time. If I'm not studying or doing something for one of my classes, I'm probably sleeping or trying to keep sane. This ought to teach me not to get another early morning class... and that what I was able to do at 19, I can't at 23 (i.e.- getting up at 5:30-6:30 a.m. for a 6:30-7:30 a.m. English class). Come to think of it, I was even more exhausted then. This is something I should've remembered 3 months ago when I signed up for the course. Oh well... now I know. :) On the upside, 5 weeks into the semester and no anxiety whatsoever (well, not at school) so that's something worth celebrating.

Something not as good... faith trashing professors. Ever since that situation with the professor ripping on a student's faith, professors have either been more sensitive to what they say about religion, or they talk trash about it and about whoever talks about it. Since it happened within the district, some of my own professors have brought it up in class. One, my English prof., politely asked us not to bring the subject of religion into her class. I've already talked about how another allows students to gang up on a classmate of mine (and occasionally on me because I have the guy's back; we Christians need to have each others' backs). Don't get me started on the issues I have with that professor. lol. Since my other two classes (which are both Philosophy courses) deal with religion, it's unavoidable talking about it. In one of the classes, I've had a few people attack me... ONLY because I'm Catholic. Yes, that was the only reason. It was like "Pick on the Catholic" day. Of course, I said "Bring it on!" and defended myself. It wasn't too harsh so I didn't stress it.

In my other Philosophy course (Ethics) there's no Catholic bashing, per se, but the professor always says something about Catholicism which is either somewhat untrue (half correct, half incorrect) or just doesn't seem too happy talking about the religion. (He's a Protestant, in case you're wondering, though a very liberal one from what he says he supports.) Though he's brought up saints and even the late, great Pope John Paul II, he doesn't seem entirely okay with our beliefs. When my friend/classmate, and fellow Catholic, asked about St. Augustine's Confessions, the prof. sort of dismissed it because it was autobiographical. She and I just looked at each other and shook our heads. That's actually something you'll see us do quite a bit in that class. I'm happy I have someone who shares the same beliefs and morals as I do. We even spent Monday and yesterday comparing what medals and things we had. She had more medals than I did, but I have more prayer cards on hand. It's nice to know she'll have my back in case the vultures attack on Monday... which I'm counting on.

On Monday (or possibly Wednesday, depending on time), I have to present an Ethics speech either condemning or supporting an ethical issues. I chose abortion because it's the one that I'm most passionate about. That, and I already did an anti-Euthanasia paper for a Criminal Law class (when I was still thinking about becoming a lawyer) a few years ago. I think I have enough material to make it through the required 3-4 minutes of my argument against abortion, thanks to my friends on twitter who sent me a slew of great links. The only part I'm dreading is the questions portion because there's this guy in the class, who is sincerely disliked by a number of classmates, who is a pain in the tush and one of the rudest people I've met. I tend to be painfully shy when I'm in a classroom full of people I don't know (and ONLY when it's in a classroom setting) so I'm easy prey for the guy. I think he's already singled me out, too. The girl who gets up to make a speech and has an bright pink/red blush... yeah, that's me. I'm trying to keep positive thoughts about it, though. I will definitely say a prayer to St. Dymphna for a calm, anxiety-free mind, and to St. Thomas Aquinas - patron saint of students and philosophers. I'll let y'all know how it goes.

Before I end this blog (despite having more to talk about), I want to ask y'all a little favor. My dad is leaving on business tomorrow and we're not sure when he's coming back. He's going down to Mexico where there has been a lot of violence in the past couple of months. If y'all can say a little prayer, that he makes it back safe and sound, I'd greatly appreciate it. He and I might not always see eye-to-eye, especially when I want to go to confession and/or Mass and he refuses to take me, but he's still my dad and I don't want to see anything bad happen to him.

Alright, that's it for now. Part two is coming soon. I still need to write about soon-to-be attending a (not so) Catholic college... and the haunted dorms in said college. Fun! lol. :D

Oh, something that is fun is this video which is the greatest thing I've seen all year.


Is that enough procrastinating? lol. I think I need to go finish my Speech class (not my Ethics speech) homework. :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. Oh, and if you have anti-abortion/pro-life links please send them my way! :D
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Spring Semester!; RED Benefit Dance for Catholic Underground

Come on, Spring semester... hurray up! I am bored and I need some mental stimulation, even if it's me trying to cram knowledge into my brain before an exam. Luckily, I go back to school next Monday. The downside is that my first class, English, starts at 7:30 a.m.... which means I have to be up at 6:30 a.m. twice a week. *groan* I am used to going to sleep at 2-3 a.m. and waking up between 9 and 11 a.m. so this is going to be a challenge for me. Today was my first attempt at sleeping and getting up early. I went to sleep at midnight and woke up at 7:10 a.m. Granted, the only reason for this was because The Secret of Roan Inish (one of my favorite movies) was aired at 8 a.m... but it's a start. :D I'm so tired right now but I am making myself skip a nap so that I am hopefully tired by 10-11 p.m. tonight. By the way, if you think a 7:30 a.m. college class is nuts, I took a 6:30 a.m. English class my entire freshman year of college. The entire school year. Yes, seriously. If you don't believe me, I think they still offer the same class at Santa Monica College (my alma mater); you can go check it for yourself. lol.

Regardless of the time issues, I am actually looking forward to this semester -- mainly because it's my last semester of lower division classes. Technically, I'm done with lower division (except for 2 classes) and have enough credits to be a junior but since I'm at a junior college at the moment (because of financial aid issues I had with the Catholic college I'm at), I can't take upper division courses. I'm taking two Philosophy courses as my electives. My Spring schedule is as follows:
- English
- Philosophy: Ethics
- Philosophy of World Religions
- Speech: Critical Thinking (Persuasion and Argumentation)

Heavy load, isn't it? Glutton for punishment, anyone? lol. (Oh, and yes, I'm aware that they are in alphabetical order. Trust me, I had no idea that was the order my classes would be in. lol.) I need English and Speech so no way out of those. Just like there was no way out of Math and Science courses I've already taken. *shudders* lol. As for the Philosophy courses, well, I AM a Religious Studies major so these are good electives to take. I'm pretty sure my Ethics course will be required at my Catholic college... if I decide to continue attending it... so I'm good there. :D I am sure I will be taking part in some debates in my Ethics course. I fully intend to quote St. Thomas Aquinas, as well as Aristotle. Good thing I'm taking the Speech class that will prepare me for that, because I dislike arguing with a passion. Seriously. If I can avoid it, I will go out of my way to make sure it doesn't happen. Oh well, we'll see how it goes. I've already met one of my classmates when I went to purchase my textbooks. Fun. :D

Something I'm looking forward to more than school (yes, I'm well aware I'm weird for that)... the RED Benefit Dance for the Catholic Underground. It's being held on Valentine's Day at St. Victor's in West Hollywood. Modestia and Catholic in Film School blogger extraordinaire, Rebecca, will be one of the people attending it. I need to go dress shopping this weekend because, just like her, my only red dress is not suited for dancing. Although I am going stag to the dance, I still intend to dance and have fun. :D If you're in Southern California, especially the L.A. area, it would be a great alternative to all those crowded meat markets (a.k.a. clubs) on Valentine's Day. Just think about it... and remember that it's for a good cause. If you go, please make sure to say hi. You know, if you know who I am. If you don't, just ask around and I'm sure you'll eventually find me. lol. If you want more information on the event, please go to Catholic Underground (L.A.)'s website.

Alrighty, well, I should probably go do something productive -- like exercise, blech -- before it gets any later. That and I want to give you guys a break from my uber long posts. lol. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.
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Long List of Saintly "Thank You"s, Intercessions.

This might be the last post I write this year because tomorrow is usually a really busy day for me -- due to the clean-a-thon. I haven't really started and that will take me a good day and a half if I do it at my usual pace. Since I feel VERY weak and slightly fatigued today (due to a little fasting I did yesterday; I've learned I really can't fast without feeling like I'm gonna pass out within a few hours), I will be doing this a bit slower. Also, my mom's just caught a cold/flu bug so I'll also be helping her clean the house. We like to ring in the New Year with everything in order and as clean as possible. :D Since this is the case, I just wanted to post a long list of "Thank You"s to saints who've interceded for me. It will be extra long, so brace yourselves.

St. Jude Thaddeus: St. Jude's helped me out for years. He was my patron saint during the hardest times of my life, and I believe he was in the saint that got me back to my Catholic roots. I've always been Catholic but didn't always act Catholic (mainly because no one ever bothered to explain to me what was and wasn't part of the Church's beliefs). I credit him for helping me get back into prayer and attending Mass, as well as going to confessions. There's a reason why I head straight for our St. Jude statues whenever there's an earthquake.

Our Lady of Guadalupe: Our Mother in Heaven has been absolutely amazing to my entire family. She's my father's patron saint, along with St. Michael Archangel. What can I say that hasn't already been saint about her? All I can do is express my gratitude to her for all she's done for us, including helping us through my mom's potential breast cancer scare last year. I also have a journal where I write as if I were writing to her, but that's another story... :D That's something you won't see, unlike the little drawing I did of her, earlier this year.

St. Dymphna: Patroness of all who, like me, suffer from anxiety. She's actually brought a lot of new readers to this blog because of a post I wrote, a few months ago, on Catholicism and anxiety. Though she's helped me very much, I believe she's helped me help others who did not know about her and now pray for her intercession. That's a great feeling. :D Any time I feel a really BAD panic attack coming on, I pray for her intercession -- that the Lord hears her own prayers for my peace of mind -- and I feel better not long after. I hope to help promote her intercession for others as much as I can.

St. Timothy: I went through almost 2-3 months of a stomach virus that simply refused to leave my system... until I looked up who the patron saint of stomach and intestinal problems was. When I did, I asked for his intercession and a few days later, I was practically back to normal. :D I am very grateful to him for that, because I landed in the Emergency Room twice (the last two times I was there) because of dehydration from the virus before I asked for his intercession.

St. Martha: This one is for my mom, who works in a subsection of housekeeping (not but exactly housekeeping) at a convalescent hospital. My mom has a HEAVY work load and she gets home completely exhausted every day. One day, I decided to look up the patroness of her line of work. I told her to ask St. Martha for her intercession whenever she had one of those heavy days. She did (and has since). Mom will occasionally tell me how she had a heavy workload and she says "St. Martha, please help me get through this" and the next thing she knows, she's done! She somehow manages to finish everything quickly; the time just flies. So a big thank you to her!

St. Thomas Aquinas and St. Joseph of Cupertino: My academic heroes! Every time I had a hard exam, I asked for their intercessions (St. Thomas Aquinas for a clear mind; St. Joseph of Cupertino for knowledge to pass the exam). I even kept St. Thomas Aquinas' holy prayer card on my desk during a couple of my exams, including my Oceanography final exam (I ended up getting an A in the class for the semester). I also believe St. Joseph of Cupertino also came through for me during my English Lit final because, despite studying for a section that wasn't covered much on the test, I was able to pass it and score a B for the semester. So, THANK YOU!

Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati: I've only been learning about Bl. Pier Giorgio recently, I asked his intercession for absolutely no anxiety during my final exam. I heard students also asked him for help and since I want to submit something to further his case to become an official saint, I decided to ask him for health and peace of mind during finals. I definitely got it. I don't know how but I made it through my final exams with the most relaxed attitude I've ever had. Seriously, I was so zen the entire time, I was very kind of shocked. Of course, anxiety is up now but hey I made it through my finals which is all I asked. :D I am now asking him to help me with something, also school related, and I will let y'all know if he's able to intercede for me. :D

St. Teresa of Avila: Ever since I had that dream of St. Teresa -- before I even knew who she was -- I've felt connected to her. After learning about her, and seeing how much I had in common with her, I felt so much more connected to the Church and the Lord. She started my whole love of learning about saints' lives. (Well, her and Fr. James who said to look them up whenever I dreamt about them). A thank you to her for helping me figure out my career was in writing. :D

St. Pancras of Rome: Got a cramp? Ask for his intercession and it'll go away. He definitely interceded for me when I got that painful charley horse, first thing in the morning, a few months ago. It was the fastest pain relief -- from a charley horse -- I've had.

St. Anthony: He's helped me find things AND I owe him a food donation (he's the patron saint against starvation) to my local parish which I hope to do either later today or tomorrow.

St. Christopher and St. Sebastian: Thank you for not letting Liverpool F.C. lose when I've watched the games! :D (I'm a Reds fan, as was the late Pope John Paul II. :D)

Infant of Prague: Last, but certainly not least, is the Infant Jesus of Prague. I am telling you, every time I'm in a bind and need an urgent intercession, I've done the 9 hour novena and it's always helped me. I definitely recommend it to those of you who are in urgent need.

I would like to end this blog by saying that I am grateful to each and every one of these, and all the rest of, saints for the intercession they've done for me and for others. For those non-Catholics, NO, I am NOT worshiping these saints. Saints intercede for us -- they ask God, on our behalf, to help us through our troubles. I would also like to say that if you ask a saint to intercede for you and he/she doesn't, it doesn't mean it doesn't work. In my experience, you either have to be patient, because not all prayers are answered immediately, or it wasn't in God's will. I always keep in mind that if my prayer isn't answered right away or at all, it's because I HAVE TO endure whatever it is I'm going through in order to learn from it. That's something a lot of people probably don't consider. That is the reason why many prayers conclude with "... if it's God's will."

Alright, I am feeling a little better than I was when I started writing, so I will try to finish my cleaning. Yaay... *groan* lol. In case I don't write another post, I wish you all a WONDERFUL, and safe, New Years! If you're Spanish or Hispanic, don't forget the 12 grapes at midnight -- I know I won't! :D.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

I Can Finally Breathe!; Patron Saints; Bon Voyage... But Where To?

I finally feel like I can breathe after weeks of being swamped with so much homework. Whoo!! :D The heaviest parts were finished yesterday. I have to write myself a note not to overload myself like this again. I haven't had time to go get my hair cut. I haven't gone out with my friends in ages. I'm very much a homebody. I mean, I was a homebody before but now I can't even go out if I wanted to. Well, no, I CAN go out but I choose not to because that will only lead to more stress and who wants that? I'm perfectly content staying at home, studying, because I know I will get killer grades at the end of the semester if I keep it up. :) One of my courses, the dreaded Oceanography class, ends in 3 weeks (wow, so fast!) and then I have 3 classes for the remainder of the semester. Say it with me... WHOOOOOO!!! lol. I truly hope that those of you in school are doing well so far. :D

Of course, I owe a lot of my calm nerves to the patron saints of students (St. Joseph of Cupertino and St. Thomas Aquinas) and of course, St. Dymphna (patroness of anxiety). I'm happy to say that the anxiety has been practically gone in the past couple of weeks, perhaps last 2 months. I asked a friend of mine if it was possible to have too many patron saints, and he didn't know so... hmm. I'm still wondering. No one's been able to give me a straight answer yet. I can't pick a patron saint. I have three main saints: St. Jude Thaddeus, St. Dymphna, and Our Blessed Mother. How can I pick when they've done so much for me? I should probably ask one of the priests -- the priest I get -- when I go sometime soon. I still have to go and talk to one of them. I have a lot on my mind. I have so many questions and am in dire need of the kind of advice I think a priest would answer the best. Is it weird that I love having conversations with priests? Seriously, if I could on a daily basis, I would!

Oh... A few months ago, my mother surprised me by saying that as soon as my anxiety had simmered down and as soon as I could prove that I can handle traveling, she'd be willing to pay for a vacation anywhere I'd like to go. I've already gone out of the country but not too far away from home. Everyone's pretty much banking (slang word for: betting on a sure deal) on me going to England. Two years ago, England felt more like my home than my actual home here in California. I have so many wonderful memories from that time in my life. I became addicted to tea during that time; an addiction I still have. lol. I have friends in London and up in Manchester so I wouldn't be by myself while in England. Maybe I'll skip the trip and save up the money for something else in the future. With the way the economy is going, it might be wiser to just save up. We'll see.

Alright, I am going to go shut my eyes for a little while because my eyes hurt and they've gotten worse on a daily basis. I think I need new prescription for my glasses/contacts because I feel better without them on... even though I'm pretty much as blind as a bat without them. lol. I think a prayer to St. Lucy is in order.

Oh, and before I go... I still have plans on writing about St. Therese of Lisieux AND about the golden crucifix dream but I am going to wait until (hopefully) tomorrow because I want to add more to it. :D

I'm going to leave y'all with a video I came across youtube of my favorite scene of "The Bells of St. Mary's". Enjoy! As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D


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Thank you St. Joseph of Cupertino and St. Thomas Aquinas!

I'm in shock, but BEYOND ecstatic! Ladies and gentlemen... I've passed my Oceanography midterm exam! Yes, seriously! I was 2 points from an A as well. I'm truly shocked! I didn't think I would pass the exam because I was so out of it and I didn't even finish the essays because I was so stressed out. But I passed. Thank you, Prof. Dewart! And, a big, huge special thank you to St. Joseph of Cupertino (patron saint of exams/test takers) and St. Thomas Aquinas (patron saint of students). I asked for their intercessions. Really, I asked for at least a low C but they completely came through for me. My confidence just shot through the roof! I was honestly dreading not passing my Oceanography class (which would be a first for me; I'm sort of a nerd, lol) because it's the most intense but I'm so confident that I'll pass it now! :D I feel like doing a cartwheel but I still kind of crummy from the second cold (yes, it's officially the second one) so I'll wait until I get better to celebrate. :D

Oh, and I wanted to share the prayers I said to both saints in case any of you want to use them in the future for your studies and exams.

St. Joseph of Cupertino
O St. Joseph of Cupertino who by your prayer obtained from God to be asked at your examination, the only preposition you knew. Grant that I may like you succeed in the (here mention the name of Examination eg. History paper I ) examination.
In return I promise to make you known and cause you to be invoked.
O St. Joseph of Cupertino pray for me
O Holy Ghost enlighten me
Our Lady of Good Studies pray for me
Sacred Head of Jesus, Seat of divine wisdom, enlighten me.

St. Thomas Aquinas
Creator of all things,
true source of light and wisdom,
origin of all being,
graciously let a ray of your light penetrate
the darkness of my understanding.
Take from me the double darkness
in which I have been born,
an obscurity of sin and ignorance.
Give me a keen understanding,
a retentive memory, and
the ability to grasp things
correctly and fundamentally.
Grant me the talent
of being exact in my explanations
and the ability to express myself
with thoroughness and charm.
Point out the beginning,
direct the progress,
and help in the completion.
I ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Alright, I have a World's Great Religions assignment to finish... then finish this week's Oceanography assignment... then work on the English Lit critical analysis of "Wife of Bath" by Chaucer... etc. Yes, more school craziness for me. Hopefully next blog I'll be able to share this beautiful dream I had where that involved a golden crucifix I found. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

P.S. Oh, also a big thank you to St. Therese of Lisieux as well. I had a very bad morning yesterday (health wise) and I prayed for her intercession -- ended up falling asleep and woke up so much better. Have I mentioned how much I love her and her story? That will also be coming up soon. :D
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I'm Alive!!!

Just a quick update to say that: yes, I made it out of my Oceanography midterm alive. Barely, but I did it. I'm pretty positive I didn't pass the exam because it was insane but if I did, it's all St. Joseph of Cupertino and St. Thomas Aquinas who lent me a hand. I was even able to keep a little prayer card of St. Thomas Aquinas on my desk as I did my exam. I flew by the multiple choice questions (which were worth 70% of the grade) but had problems with the 2 essays. Do YOU want to write 2 essays when you can barely remember all the 300 pages worth of data you had to cram in your head all weekend? Yeah, not so much. lol. But, I am ALIVE! Whooo! lol. Okay. This short lived celebration must come to an end. I still have an (online) assignment to turn in to my Oceanography professor and then work on the "Sir Gawain" critical analysis essay I have to turn in tomorrow in English Lit class. *breathes in and out* I will be SO HAPPY when this weekend ends because I'll be able to slow down quite a bit.

And, hey, no anxiety! No panic attacks! Thank you, St. Dymphna! :D

Hopefully I'll be able to write a longer post tomorrow or sometime soon. A BIG THANK YOU to those of you who prayed for me! I greatly appreciate it! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D
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Much Better; Feeling the Love of the Blessed Virgin Mary

I am feeling better today. I missed class yesterday because I woke up feeling very warm (and I was, I checked with a thermometer) and with a headache. Ugh. I honestly like missing class because I feel like I fall more and more behind. There's no way I would've been well in class though. My temperature didn't go down (much) for the rest of the day but at least the headache stopped until about after 1 p.m. But, positive thing, I was able to rest a little (which means faster recovery) and I got to feel closer to our beloved Mother, Mary. :D

I went through a really hard time yesterday morning. I shut the door in my room, knelt down in front of the big Our Lady of Guadalupe and bawled my eyes out. Of course, I also prayed in between sobs. Feeling like crumbs, I somehow found the strength to kneel and stay like that for quite some time. I asked Our Lady to help me understand why some things were said and why I felt the way I did. There was a time when I asked her to please make someone stop saying what they were because it really hurt my feelings, but I ended up changing it to "please help them understand that what that person is saying is very hurtful and doesn't help matters." I honestly felt very alone... and then, a bit later, I had this beautiful feeling like there's no way I'm alone. It's really weird but I felt as though I had our Blessed Virgin Mary there with me. I don't know how many Hail Marys I prayed (I lost count) until I felt better, but I DID feel better.

Every time I go through something where I feel like that -- like I'm alone in this world -- I always pray to her, and to the Lord, to please help me feel like I'm not alone. And every time I ask that of them, I always feel a warmth in my heart that's indescribable. It erases irrational thoughts I have in my head and it makes me feel so much closer to Our Blessed Mother and to Our Lord. It's amazing. I wish I'd started doing this, praying to them, at a earlier age (despite being the youngest of 7, I grew up as if I were an only child)... it would've saved me a lot of heartache. It is definitely something I will teach my (future) children to do. Hopefully they won't stray as I did; though I'm incredibly happy that I found my way back. :D

Alright, well, I'm going to go over my notes for the Philosophy of Logic course because we have a big test due today... then go read Sir Gawain and the Green Knight for British Lit... then try to finish my History of World Religions assignments early... so I can cram for my BIG MIDTERM (oh, how I dread that word) exam for Oceanography. Remember, my Oceanography course crams 16 weeks worth of work into 8 weeks so it's midterm time. *shudders* Prayers to St. Joseph of Cupertino, St. Thomas Aquinas, and St. Dymphna (for my sanity) will be said this entire week. Oh yeah... bring it on! lol.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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