What I Learned Wednesday #26: Forgiveness, Charity, and Babies!

1) I know many of you are wondering how I've been doing since last Friday's library incident. The answer is: I'm doing perfectly fine despite my history of anxiety. I was super nervous about going out on Saturday... until I went to confession and Mass. The first half of the day I was consumed with anxiety. I shook at the thoughts of having to go grocery shopping with my mom because it was not far from the library. I was unsure if I could drive out to confession and Mass (and I even thought I wasn't going to make it to either) but something within me kept saying "you have to go, Emmy! You cannot afford to not go! GO!" I teared up because I was scared but, at the same time, I have the most intense desire to go. I ended up biting the bullet and I drove mom and I to confession. It was the best decision I could've made because, during confession, I got the sudden idea to forgive the young man. I confessed that I had called him a "psycho" (which, however you slice it, wasn't too charitable) and the idea of forgiveness popped into my head. I mean, I wasn't angry at him and I felt sorry for him, but I hadn't forgiven him. After confession, I knelt down in front of the tabernacle and I prayed for him as I forgave him. Holy Spirit, you're totally getting the credit for that one... and for my sanity staying intact since! Lesson learned: forgiveness heals more than simply pitying the person who caused damage.

2) Speaking of praying for others, I found this website that gave me a very good idea that I wanted to share with y'all. How many of you prayer for people you don't know on a regular basis? How many of you do acts of anonymous charity? Want to kill two birds with one stone? Check out the website Emotional Baggage Check. This website allows you to "check" your baggage (meaning you can vent or cry about whatever is on your mind) or "carry it" for someone else (meaning you read a stranger's "baggage" and reply with words of encouragement). This gave me the idea of "carrying" another person's "baggage" and praying for them in the process. It isn't a religious website so there will be people who don't believe in God... but who says that you can't pray for them anyway? There's so much hate in this world, why not brighten a person's day with words of encouragement? Lesson learned: prayers for anonymous strangers who are having a tough time are good ways of doing acts of charity.

3) Okay, so, I technically promised I wasn't going to blog specifics about what happened on Monday so I can't give details but, I will say... please don't give a devout single gal in her late 20s the advice to have a baby "even if it's from a lab" because her biological clock is ticking. Yes, I received this advice as well as the additional words that "it doesn't matter if you're not married and you just use the guy to have the child; just have a child before you're old and alone." I was shocked when I heard it. I don't know if it's because of how seriously I take the Sacrament of Marriage, because I know that you cannot be selfish when it comes to having children, or because, like I said, I take my faith seriously, but I was not happy. It was rude, unsolicited advice that is just terrible. Look, I know that my "clock is ticking" (I'm turning 29 in May; I get it) and all but I have faith in God. I know my vocation is of wife and mother but I'm not going to rush Him. All in God's time. Lesson learned: I take my vocation far more seriously than others seem to do; I'm grateful that I am able to remind myself that things will happen in God's time and not mine.

And those are my three things that I learned this week. Nothing about the Faith, per se, but close enough. ;)

I hope you're having a good week thus far. If you have prayer intentions, send them my way. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!

Where Are the Morally Correct Novels/Movies?; I Dreamt What? Babies?!

My mini road trips were cut short today because the gas prices are INSANE ($4.36 per gallon... with what's left of my misc. spending money? Pfft!) but I did get the most important things done, so WHOOO! :D lol. One of my trips took me to my college, which is a few blocks from the beach. I absolutely love it out there! It felt nice to be out there... and I'm not just saying that because I'm both close to the beach and because I'll be taking courses I'm actually excited about. Actually, I am surprised that I will be able to take Religion courses because they weren't offered when I first applied, many moons ago. And, what I was surprised to see... right across the street there is a Christian Book Store. I had to do a double take. It's interesting to see the area more religious than when I remembered it. I'll have to visit that store on one of my breaks between classes. One thing that store (as well as a conversation I had with my sis) got me thinking about how you don't really hear about many morally correct novels and movies in the mainstream.

Of course, if you look and ask around, you'll find that there are some out there but they don't get much publicity and seem to be more "underground" than anything. It stinks. Sure, there are a few exceptions like the blockbuster that was The Chronicles of Narnia and indie Bella, but there aren't enough. For those reasons, I am writing the novels (well, novel and novel/screenplay) that I'm working on. So far, I've received positive feedback from those who have had a sneak preview of what I've written... which hopefully mean I am doing things correctly. One thing I don't want is the stories to be overly preachy (because I know people tend to stay away from those) but I still want the messages to come out loud and clear without being overbearing. I have yet to finish either novel but I am definitely getting more done than I expected. And, I have to admit, I definitely watch Bella when I need to stay in that particular frame of mind (though the stories are very different). I promise to post a preview of both novels as soon as I'm done with everything, including editing. :)

As for whether I will ever have the screenplay made into an actual film, I am still undecided. I will definitely option it to a certain film company (because I trust them to do the right thing with it) but it's way too early to see what happens. I'll keep y'all updated if anything happens. And, while I'm still on the topic of films, if you want to find more good Catholic/Christian films (or films reviewed from a morally correct point of view), you can check out the site Soul Food Cinema. (See, Mark, I'm giving you free publicity! lol.)

One last thing before I call it a day on today's blog... I had the weirdest dream... in a good-ish way. lol. It wasn't a saint dream but I could've sworn there was a nun in the delivery room. Yes, you read that right. I had a dream that I was not only pregnant, I even gave birth. It was the WEIRDEST thing ever. I went through the whole thing -- asking for epidural and all (which I didn't get but didn't even need because I felt NO pain). In the end, I had the most beautiful little girl (curly brown ringlets and blue eyes). She was gorgeous! Anytime I've had baby dreams (I don't have them often) the babies have always had brown hair and blue or green eyes. I think the last time (2 years ago) I had twins and I named one of them Liam. And I know these dreams weird some of my friends out (the ones who've known me long enough) because I used to say that I didn't want children... at all. This is during my time away from the Church. Now, I think that being able to have children (or adopt children if you're not able to have them biologically) has to be the most beautiful thing in the world. Of course, no plans on having any in the near future because I have yet to find a nice, Catholic man that is crazy enough to even consider marrying me. I don't think anyone's that nuts. lol. Some day. If it's not my vocation to be a wife and mother, I'll hopefully be an elementary school teacher (as a sister) so I can at least teach them well. I love children, I think they're little jewels. I don't understand how some people want to have abortions but I won't jump into that topic because I'll be here forever if I do. lol.

Alright, well, I have a lot to do today... including trying to write more in my novels and read more of St. Teresa's autobiography. Hope everyone has/had a great day. Thanks for reading and God Bless.
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Babies, Health, Patron Saints and Prayer.

Not much happened yesterday (don't get me started on Liverpool's horrible game) -- plus I was really sleepy -- so that is why no blog was written. Today, though, blog-central... and I added a widget on the side panel that lets whoever reads my blog see what I'm currently listening to. It updates every couple of minutes, too. :D I'm a little too into music so I thought it would be appropriate to add that little application to my blog. And if you ever see an artist or group that makes you think "Wow, does she really listen to THAT?" just remember that we all have our guilty pleasures... only I am not too ashamed of mine. lol.

Apparently I'm the last person to find out that Kakà's gonna be a daddy. Awwww. Congrats to him and his wife. I have a lot of respect for him as both a person and a player -- which is why I'm happy when he scores, even when it's against my teams -- so I'm very happy for him. Footballers have been getting a lot of visits from señor stork because Lukas Podolski (Bayern Munich), Harry Kewell (Liverpool), Xabi Alonso (Liverpool) and countless other footballers are expecting with their girlfriends/wives. And while on the topic of footballer babies, darn it, Dirk Kuyt (Liverpool), I want to see what little Roan looks like! lol. Bring on the babies! I love babies! Last time we went to Disneyland, I would play with the little kids while we waited in line... and I wouldn't even notice it until a friend of mine pointed it out. lol. Don't ask me why I seem to attract the little cuties but I adore them so I don't mind. All of this doesn't mean I want any kids in the near future (no!!) but maybe someday when I'm done with school, have a steady job and am married, we'll see. :D

I just got home from a general physical check up with a new doctor (I changed doctors) and she says I'm perfectly healthy. My heart is healthy (they did 2 EKGs in a few months and an echocardiogram after Thanksgiving). I don't have anemia, diabetes or cholesterol. My blood count is good. My liver is good. I'm at a healthy weight for my height (at 124 lbs for a 5'7" female). Etc. Basically, on paper, I'm as healthy as you can get. The pains I sometimes experience, as well as the fatigue and dizziness, are all signs that the stress really got to me this past year ('07). So, there you go. Next time I get the pains, it's just my body going "I'm still stressed... go exercise or distract yourself!" I was given a nutritionist because I might not be getting enough calories per day because food allergies I have limit what I can eat. I'm getting blood drawn just to double check everything but it looks like I'm on the road to getting healthy. *knocks on wood* So... now that I don't have to worry about that... *happy dance* I already did my "infamous" goofy ballet dance. lol. Once I start acting like a dork, you know I'm getting better. :D

I've been trying to write an entry to explain why my patron saints are my patron saints. I decided to it today so I'll quit putting it off. :D Let's start off with St. Jude Thaddeus. My mom's been a St. Jude devotee since I was little so that is why I grew up asking him to pray for me. He has never, ever let me down. I feel so bad asking saints to pray for me but I can't help it when I'm feeling absolutely helpless. It makes sense that St. Jude is my chosen patron saint because he is the patron saint of difficult and hopeless cases and I only seem to ask saints for prayers when I'm in those situations. That is also why I carry his medal with me wherever I go. I'm lucky enough to attend a parish that has a huge St. Jude statue so I can go leave him candles or flowers when he helps me during my difficult situations. Actually, the picture on the right side under "Patron Saints" is of the statue at my church that I took a few weeks ago. :)

Now, Our Lady of Guadalupe has been a part of my life since I was born. I was born in the city and country (Los Angeles; United States) she is patron of. I was baptised at a church that's named after her. I have Mexican heritage and she is the patron of Mexicans and Americans. A few weeks ago, I had a dream that I was talking to a priest about the books I'm writing and she appeared smiling to me for a brief moment. That was just a dream, too. I have a lot more personal experiences, that were not dreams, which involve her but I'm going to keep those to myself. Let's just say that she's always looked out for me. She's my dad's main patron saint as well. I always feel very calm when I go into his room and see her statue. :)

St. Dymphna came to me at a time when I really needed her. I've been a nervous person since after high school (and you can thank/blam certain classmates and a history teacher for that) but I've always been able to get over it pretty quickly. Example: I was terrified of going on those crazy rides at Six Flags Magic Mountain but I went on them anyway to get over my fears. At the end of the rides I was yelling "That was wicked! Let's go again!!" I've been nervous performing (as well as giving speeches) in front of people but once I step on stage, I'm okay. This past year, though, I was feeling so sick and I didn't know what was going on so I felt like I was going to go koo-koo bananas. I found out who the patron saint of anxiety was and that's how I discovered St. Dymphna. At the sort of peak of my anxiety (right when my dad's health insurance was once again threatening to cut off his chemo and I had to get on the phone and battle it out with them) I asked her to pray that I didn't get massive panic attacks and that I didn't feel like I couldn't breathe. As soon as I prayed to her, I felt so calm and relieved (this was at around 3 - 4 in the morning when it happened to) that I immediately fell asleep and I haven't felt overly anxious since.

That is why St. Jude, Our Lady of Guadalupe and St. Dymphna are my patron saints. Whoever says prayers, especially those to saints, don't work... pffft. I'm living proof that they do and very well. Every time I pray, even if it's just the Rosary, I feel so serene and lovely. The lesson here: Pray! Even if it's directly to God, just pray. It makes a world of difference, whether it's immediate or whether it takes a little time. And, with that, I am done with my blog.

I think I'll go listen to Ella Fitzgerald's version of "Sunny" and feel like a 1970s flower child with bellbottoms and hippie hair. lol.

Thanks for reading and God Bless. :D