I Have NO Clarity Regarding God's Will For Me

After receiving a poor grade on an assignment I worked hard on over the weekend, I felt dejected. I worked incredibly hard on the paper. I read it and reread it. Edited it and re-edited it. Still, this particular professor (or the TA that nitpicked my paper) thought it was basically poor work. I've had problems with this professor in the past -- my academic adviser and the department chair even got involved the first semester I took him and they took my side in the situation -- but I still pray for him and I still try to look for the good in him. He does missionary work and helps children in third world countries that have speech problems. He does good work and I'm glad he shares what he learns from those trips with us... even if my pride takes a massive hit when things like this grade happen.

I'd be lying if I said the thought "why continue if I'm just going to keep hitting these roadblocks?" didn't pop into my mind. This degree has been incredibly hard to finish. It's not just me; it seems like many (possibly most) of those who go through the program repeat at least one course at some point and some decide to leave the program altogether. For another class, a classmate messaged everyone who is retaking the course for the second time and some have said that they may have to repeat the course again.

The joke that SLP students are on anti-anxiety medication exists for a reason, folks. This is a tough and demanding program and field. Those of you who haven't been reading this blog long enough may not know that this is my second round trying to finish this program/degree. I had to quit and leave the program/school nearly 2.5 years ago when I worked myself so hard to do well that I ended up getting sick... and I've yet to fully recover from it.

I keep wondering if I can keep going if I'm feeling fed up with it all because I am. I want to cry, I'm so overwhelmed. Not so much with the coursework; I've, thankfully, been able to resubmit most of the work I did last semester in order to save time. I've also done much better on the exams this time around. Still, I just feel pushed and forced into this path for financial reasons and that makes me a little depressed.

After tearing up and lamenting my grade, the Holy Spirit must've inspired me to think about the great professors and support system I have because I ended up crying again (this time, happy tears) as I reminisced and felt the love and support of former teachers and professors. I can still remember which teachers always encouraged me.

My second and third-grade teacher (she taught both grades) knew I wanted to be a lawyer (back then) and she told my parents -- in front of me, at an open house -- that she thought I could do it.

My fifth-grade teacher was the biggest academic cheerleader, telling me I had the brains to do whatever I wanted to do in life.

My sixth-grade math/science and English/history teachers gave me a "busy bee" award ("always working. always reading") and encouraged my love of books.

My seventh-grade science teacher defended me when I was badly bullied (long story) and encouraged me to keep going forward despite what the "crackheads" (he seriously called them that) were saying and doing to me.

My wonderful teachers when I transferred from regular high school to independent study through a charter school cheered me on, even when times were hard. My dad had been diagnosed with cancer when I was a junior in HS and had his surgery and chemotherapy before graduation. Through their support, I was able to finish half of my junior year and my entire senior year in a single semester and they even chose me to give the valedictorian-type speech at the graduation ceremony.

Mr. H (English professor whom I wrote about last month) and Mr. G (math professor) at Santa Monica College became my first academic cheerleaders in college.

At Pierce College, Dr. B (British Lit professor who became the inspiration for Prof. Normandy in the first Will and Lina novel) encouraged me to apply to Oxford University to transfer and Prof. W (academic counselor; professor) was the first professor to ever point out my writing abilities before I had even entertained the idea of writing as a career.

Ms. Lewis (from my alma mater; may she rest in peace) wasn't a professor but a counselor who was my only ally at my alma mater. I don't think I would've survived that horrible experience without her.

Dr. K at JP Catholic was incredibly encouraging during my brief stint as a graduate student. He knew about my accident and he was encouraging about my work, giving me the first (and only) A in grad school. (side note: shout out to Dr. K who had us read the Summa and got me on board the St. Thomas Aquinas fan club).

I'm not even counting my family and friends who know me and love me despite any academic hiccups I have along the way.

Recently one of my best friends posed a question no one had before: what if I didn't finish this degree? What's the worst that could happen? I had to stop and think about it. Worst case scenario: debt-city, baby. I have nearly $50k in student loans from 1 finished degree (which I've almost paid off completely) and 2 degrees I've started but haven't finished (MA in Theology; BS in Communicative Disorders). Finding a job that I can do with my (current) physical ailments and with a BA in Religious Studies (without teaching credentials) is near impossible, folks.

I talk about trusting God and yet I still tried to control my financial stability by picking career/degree that would help provide financial stability (this one). I've also tried to do a degree that didn't offer any stability but that I loved and then had to leave because my GPA dipped slightly under a 3.0 (2.94; seriously) following my car accident, thus making me ineligible to receive financial aid. I'm technically a student at FUS (I never declined their offer of admission) so I could finish my Master's degree but I think, if I end up having to leave this degree, I'm done with academia. I'm burnt out. I'll look for a job and let God take the reins though it's been hard since I graduated 5 years ago.

I close my eyes and imagine myself taking my academic/career issues and my health issues (particularly the pancytopenia which has been the most physically debilitating), kneeling down at the foot of the Cross, looking up at our crucified Lord and saying "these are my crosses and I don't know what to do. Please give me clarity as to how to carry them if it is Your will that I do so. If any of these things are not in Your plans for me, please make it clear so that I can leave them here, with You, and focus solely on what You want me to do."

So there's where I am. As I wrote a couple of blog posts ago, I had a feeling this was a possible outcome for me; that I wouldn't finish this program or not use this degree despite all the hard work I've put in. I'm still going to try very hard to do well on my finals and see what happens (though it will take a miracle to pass both classes at this point) and leave the rest up to God. I will work hard and do my best on my end but if things don't work out, He knows why.

I must trust in Him. I DO trust in Him. I just wish God would make His plans for me much clearer so I can do just them. I'm not afraid of the possibly of His calling me back to finish my Theology MA. I'm not afraid of the possibility of not finishing either degree. I'm not afraid taking on a job that would pay very little (enough just for the necessities of life). I just want to do His will.

See what the 30-day St. Joseph novena does to a gal? lol. 13 more days to go. Clarity, St. Joseph. That's all I want; I just want/need some clarity. In most areas of my life but particularly the career and academic area for now. I don't want to act on feelings because those can fool you so I'm going to finish this novena and pray for that clarity I so much desire.

Anyway, that's it for now. I've had this blog post idea (and most of it written out), sitting in my inbox for a couple of days and since I'm taking a tiny break from studying for my first final exam (which I hope to take between this coming Wednesday and Saturday), I thought I'd post it.

I hope you all have a lovely Divine Mercy Sunday and a great start of the week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Moving Forward with Trust and (Some) Confusion

This is how I've felt my moments of silence and prayer have gone lately:

Me: God, I'm confused. I thought I was supposed to take this one route yet things are working out for the other route.
God: Do you trust Me?
Me: Yes, I'm just confused as to why I feel like the other path was the one I was supposed to go down on but it didn't work out. I'm not even sure I like this other path.
God: Do you trust Me?
Me: Yes. I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. Have I been wrong all this time? Was I just supposed to get certain things out of my system by experiencing them so I could put all my effort into this other route?
God: Do you trust Me?
Me: Yes.
God: Then let go. Keep going down this path. Don't plan so far ahead and don't overthink things. Trust in Me and you'll get to where you're supposed to be.
Me: Okay. (inwardly panics because I like to have everything planned ahead of time.)

My eye-opening moments have not ceased since the last blog post I wrote. I feel like my entire world is getting turned upside, but in a good way. A lot of things that I was certain about? They no longer seem like they're what I expected. Example: grad school and career path.

I was certain that I was supposed to do the Theology MA degree. I felt in my element doing the coursework. I loved learning more about the faith. I did well (that C in Theology during the Fall quarter following my car accident notwithstanding). Then the whole thing with me having to suddenly leave JP Catholic happened. That was followed by the (also seemingly sudden) change back to the SLP field.

In a lot of ways, my eyes have been opened to the possibility that maybe the SLP field is where I belong after all. I've already done well in my previous course. I even have the option of taking an extra course to qualify for Latin Honors. (side note: I've declined because I don't need an extra class and I'm perfectly fine not getting honors at graduation; I'm not even planning on attending the graduation ceremony next May.)

It's been pointed out that I have a surprising amount of patience for children. It seems to be a sort of "superpower" because I can handle a lot of things most adults can't. Maybe not having children at 31 and having a desire for children makes me more patient. *shrugs* The children seem to respond well to me. Looking far younger than my years might be helping me there. I worked with a group of 3-5 year-olds with speech impediments two years ago and I had one very shy little guy open up to me after the first day. That helps a lot in this field, especially since my focus is on young children with speech impediments.

Perhaps I was meant to do a bit of the Theology MA before returning to the SLP field so I could be sure about my other discernment -- becoming a lay Dominican. My former SD did say I should finish school before I committed to going through that process. Maybe I was meant to see that this (Dominican instead of Carmelite) was the path I need to take while I work as an SLP/A. (Another side note: I'm currently not sure if I'll stay as an assistant or become a full SLP; I will revisit the idea in another two years). Not all lay Dominicans are professors or working in the education field. Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati was working towards his mining engineer degree before his death and he was a lay Dominican. Maybe I'll finish that Theology MA one day as a lay Dominican.

I've been having a lot of "well, that didn't work out as I planned but, okay, that actually makes a lot of sense" moments lately. I need to either see if my former SD would be willing to meet with me to help me figure this out or get some major peace about the new plans. Like I said, I feel like my world has been flipped upside down and I'm now taking things one day at a time. Besides the upcoming school year, I'm not planning anything else ahead of time. What's that saying? "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans"? Okay. No more planning. Taking things as they come. I'm down with that. Wait, are they kids still saying that? *shrugs* Playing it by ear, folks. ;)

So that's what's been up with me lately. I've been very, very physically fatigued lately but I kind of figured out that it was probably because we had maintenance workers at our apartment almost every day, all day for a couple of weeks and that just drained me of my introverted energy. If I need a day or two to recover from hanging out with friends, imagine how much more time I need to recover from having these gregarious (read: super extroverted) maintenance workers at my apartment for days and weeks at a time. I'll be fine. :D

Anyway, I think that's it from me for now. Gotta leave some things for the next blog post. ;)

I hope y'all are having a lovely week thus far! :)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

I Was Accepted to Christendom's Grad School!

It started off like any normal day. I got up. I received a call that my godson's surgery went well. I prayed the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary while cooking breakfast. I ate. I ran errands. I picked up mom from work. I then went to spiritual direction.

I returned home from spiritual direction, upset that I had taken chalk but failed to get it blessed because my spiritual director and I got into an awesome conversation about saints. I opened up an Epiphany gift from a family friend. 

After gushing over the gift, I went down to the mailbox. I saw the mess the mailman left. I groaned. "Dude, c'mon. I know you and I don't like each other but why did you have to do this?" I looked at the overstuffed mailbox. There was something from our parish addressed to my mom. Lots of flyers from local stores. Hidden in the corner, a large manila envelope. "Huh. Did someone send me an Epiphany gift?"

I took the envelope out and looked at the address. "Notre Dame Graduate School of Christendom College." Surprise! I wasn't expecting to hear from either Christendom or Franciscan University of Steubenville (where I also applied to grad school) until next week at the earliest. I piled the rest of the contents of the mailbox on top of the mailboxes. There's only one thing I could do: find out the decision.

In a weird moment, I remembered the episode where Rory Gilmore was accepted to Harvard, Yale, etc. All those big packets in the Gilmore mailbox. "Thick packets usually means good news," I told myself. "No, I must wait to read it before I get too excited."

I turned the envelope around and proceeded to try to get it open. I struggled a bit, of course. I eventually get it open, taking out the thick packet carefully. It's a blue folder with a letter paper-clipped to it. I began reading:

"Dear Melissa," it said. "Congratulations! Your application..." I stopped reading and rushed to see where I could find the word "accepted." Ah, there it is on the second line; only it says "approved."

I jumped up and down in the mail room. "I gotta share this with mom! Oh, and the manager is probably watching me through the cameras -- and probably making fun of me since I'm acting like a child right now -- but I don't care." 

I gathered up all the mailbox contents and ran upstairs. I told my mom as soon as I opened the door, even before I stepped inside. She congratulated me. The next two minutes were a blur. Somewhere in there I shared the photo on Instagram. In the caption I added: "Best Epiphany gift ever!" It really is.

There were so many of you who prayed that I would get into either Christendom or Franciscan (still waiting to hear back from them as well) and I did! Thank you! I'll await Franciscan's decision before I make my final decision. There are a lot of factors that will go into the decision making (mostly financial)... but the fact that I now have an option to attend grad school in the fall is amazing. Seriously, thank you all who prayed for me! Once the excitement dies down a little I'll write a decent post. ;)

As always, thanks for reading (and praying!!) and God bless! :D

How I Said "Yes" to God This Week

I will admit, I did not know about this #GraceOfYesDay until the pre-dawn hours this morning. I've been so disconnected from Catholic social media (thanks for that, COMD program... more on that in a bit) that I had missed the memo. However, I'll tell you how I said "yes" to God this week. First, the background story.

As some of you (especially those following me on Twitter) know, it was decided that taking a permanent leave of absence from USU's Communicative Disorders and Deaf Education program was the best option for me. "Superwoman," as some of my friends jokingly call me, hit her "do not pass go; do not collect $200" limit last week. And the decision to leave wasn't done on impulse; it involved a lot of prayer over several weeks.

I had two exams last week, one for Statistics and another for Audiology. At this time, I have not received my Statistics exam score but I was pulling a B or B+ in the class so I'm not worried there. As for audiology, I failed. I spent days (all day on some days) studying. I was so focused on memorizing things and on watching lectures that my mom had to help make me lunch and/or dinner so that I would eat; I literally didn't have the time to make myself something to eat because of the amount of material covered on the exam. I took about 30 pages of handwritten notes. I made flash cards. I woke up early on exam day to go over the notes one last time. I went in confident that I was going to ace the exam... and came out of it earning a 58/98. It was the exam that I studied the hardest for and it was the lowest exam grade I had received on an audiology exam. With that failed exam, there wasn't a way I was going to pass the course with anything better than a C+; a course that was a prerequisite for other courses next semester. Later that day, I received news that a professor's TA (the same class in which the professor falsely accused me of plagiarizing a bibliography) had given me a 9/15 on an assignment I worked hard on; one that I turned in early. She claimed I hadn't submitted all the documentation necessary to complete the assignment when, in fact, I had. The grades stand in that professor's class (even when it's their mistake) so that would've given me a C+ in the class. It doesn't sound like failing except that USU has a "B- or better" policy in grades so I would have had to repeat the course. All of that would've put me back a couple of semesters which meant more loans and more stress on my health that I simply could not afford.

As I've mentioned in previous posts, the stress of the courses has greatly affected my health. I haven't weighed myself in a week or so but I was underweight the last time I checked. The stress headaches I was getting when studying for exams were horrific. I wasn't sleeping or eating well. After working my tush off and trying to push myself beyond my limit, I couldn't overcome some of the obstacles thrown my way. The professor's accusatory episode aside, there were a number of other things thrown my way that I now look at as signs that this wasn't meant to be for me. Does this mean I regret taking this path? Not one minute.

I'm incredibly grateful for having had the experience. Thanks to my time in this program, I've been able to show myself that I am capable of so much than I had previously thought possible. While I had once thought that I wasn't capable of teaching in a classroom setting due to my anxiety, the observation/"hands on" hours working with children who are in need of speech therapy showed me that I could. The unfortunate episode with the professors also made me want to teach because it reminded me of how important teachers and professors are at all academic levels. Not only that, the program really made me learn to trust God. I placed everything in His hands in the past couple of weeks. "If you want me to continue down this path, please help me pass these exams. If I don't pass them, I'll know that you want me to go for my Theology M.A." Novenas, prayers from my mom and friends, lots of studying hours, and looking into Plan C (no, I didn't want to leave the program completely) and I still wasn't passing. That's when I knew that I had to say "yes" to God and trusting Him with my career path.

If you've been reading this blog throughout my SLP journey, you know that I initially took this path for financial stability. Yes, I would be helping people (which is what I've wanted to do since I was a child) but ultimately I just wanted to be able to help take care of household expenses. Freelance writing wasn't helping and there weren't (and still aren't) many jobs I could do with a Religious Studies B.A. I've wanted to work for/with/in the Church since my reversion. The passion and fire to help others discover the Truth has always been there... but the job market made me scared. It wasn't until I decided to leave everything in God's hands a few weeks ago that I realized that I wasn't trusting Him to help me find a job upon completion of the M.A. Fail, Emmy... massive fail.

I'm leaving my career path (just like I'm leaving my vocation) in God's hands. I will do His will if He helps me figure out what He wants me to do. I've felt at peace about leaving the SLP path and taking a leave of absence from USU since I received my exam score on Friday. Seriously, I felt amazingly at peace when I saw the test score and knew I wouldn't be continuing. I'm disappointed that something I worked hard towards won't result in anything but a good learning experience for me... but I'm relieved at the same time. I'll be de-stressing over the next couple of weeks (though still working on editing the novel sequel). I'm also incredibly excited about what He has in store for me. I've already sent in my applications to two (for now) wonderfully orthodox Catholic colleges/universities and I hope that I get accepted by one of them. If you can please say a prayer that I get accepted wherever God wants me, I'd greatly appreciate it.

For the tl;dr crowd: I have said "yes" to (what I feel is) God directing my path towards a Theology M.A. and, eventually, to sharing the Truth to the next generation(s) to the best of my abilities. The road is unknown and the job market for those with a Theology M.A. is scary at times but I'm choosing to follow His will (or at least what I think is His will for me) and not doing what will bring me selfish comfort.

And that's it for now. The St. Cecilia novena will continue to be posted until the 21st. I won't get a chance to post the links tomorrow but they're all scheduled to be posted at 8 a.m. PST regardless of whether I tweet/link it in the FB page or not. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

Goodbye SLP MS, Hello Theology MA?

In the past couple of weeks I've been feeling like maybe I shouldn't continue down the SLP path. I'm not going to quit the program. I'm going to see this degree through. I don't quit so easily. Do I get discouraged? Yes. To the point of quitting? No. I will finish the Bachelor of Science degree and do my hours to get my SLPA (speech-language pathology assistant) license. However, I feel as if maybe I shouldn't continue down the Master of Science path.

I'll be completely honest with y'all... I only went down this route because my family needed the financial stability. If we didn't, I would've probably been doing my Theology MA right now. 11 months ago, I wrote:

I'm only doing this in the meantime (the financial crunch in an expensive city is real, y'all) and that I will pursue a Master of Arts in Theology when things are a little more financially stable (and I am more prepared to teach or do something with the degree)... I feel like this is where God wants me now.

While I don't regret taking this path, it's become clear that the M.S. program wouldn't be the best fit for me. Before I go into why, let me just say that I still firmly believe that I'm in the right field (for now)... but that I would be content being an assistant. I won't get to officially diagnose the clients or create their treatment plan but I would still be able to carry out the treatment plan that a fully licensed SLP created. Most importantly (for me), I will still be able to help my family out financially, which is why I did this in the first place.

Here's why I don't think the M.S. would be a good fit for me. First and foremost, my health is being affected in a big way. A year ago, I was on the mend. I was getting healthier. I was gaining weight after those stomach problems I had. All that progress? Gone.

I'm going to break one of the cardinal girl rules; I'm going to tell you my weight. I'm between 115.6 and 117.8 most weeks when I have classes in this program. I went up a couple of pounds on my two-week summer break; back down the second week of classes. Now, remember that I'm 5'7" so I should be between about 120 and 135 for my height. I was about 128 lbs. when I was at the CINO college a couple of years ago. That's my normal weight and has been for most of my adult life. Yes, I wasn't happy at the CINO college but I also wasn't losing weight.

The stress I feel in this program is literally making me sick... and this is just the post-BA, pre-MS program. Imagine if I went onto doing two more years of the M.S. program. No, thank you. There's a "joke" that SLP grad (and even post-BA, pre-MS) students are on anti-anxiety meds for a reason. It's just a stressful field. I do enjoy the hard work and I love working with the kids... but, for once, I need to put myself first. It's hard for me but I know I need to.

I'm so happy that I worked through my PTSD symptoms months ago so I haven't had any panic attacks or anything of the like. I did have major anxiety last week but that was stress-induced and I was still able to function with it. However, I don't think I want to push myself further in terms of seeing how much stress I can handle before I have an anxiety relapse.

There is one bigger factor in my potential (though seemingly decided) decision to stop at the B.S. for SLP and go onto my Theology M.A. next: the desire in my heart to teach Theology and/or work for the Church in some way has never burned brighter than it has in the past several weeks. It sounds a bit dramatic but I feel like my heart just aches for it. I know my vocation is (sadly) not as a religious sister but this intense desire to serve God has grown exponentially and I feel like getting my Theology M.A. is the next step to doing just that. This is something I'll be discussing with my spiritual director when I see him this week.

I feel like I had two big revelations over the last couple of months, both vocation related. As always, I'm keeping the vocation vocation part to myself. No one is surprised there. lol. As for my career/vocation: there is a big desire to go receive my M.A. from a faithful Catholic college/university. I had ruled out teaching only because I didn't think I was able to do it with my anxiety but I no longer have that fear; I can do it. I can no longer ignore that desire out of fear of not being knowledgeable enough, not having the courage to do it, or the fear of not finding a job (because I do know jobs for Theology MAs are scarce.)

Does this mean "goodbye, SLP M.S. and hello, Theology M.A."? It just might. I still need to pray about it, talk to my SD, and see what happens. I do plan on spending more time in front of the tabernacle (I over-study so I need the breaks anyway) so we'll see what He has in store for me. I don't want to make too many plans until I am certain of what I will be doing.

Anyway, this was just me thinking out loud. :)

That's it for now. I have to go do something productive... like studying for Statistics... or looking to see if I even need Stats if I decide to apply to a Theology M.A. program in the next couple of weeks. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

What I Learned Wednesday #18: Oops!, Ahh! and Eesh! Edition

These are actually from last week but since I didn't post anything last week (and haven't for a week due to busy schedule and illness), I am using them for this week's post.

1. You know how I love futbol (soccer) to the point where it's the only sport that I watch (well, aside from the occasional rugby match)? Well, when we cancelled cable in March I had to say goodbye to my beloved Fox Soccer (which is now defunct anyway) and other sports channels that aired live matches. I looked into paying to watch them online but they were either super expensive for only a handful of matches or I had to search for links from shady websites. I wondered (although I already had a feeling I knew the answer) about whether it would actually be considered a sin to watch live matches on dubious links. I asked Fr. John Flynn over at XT3 and the answer was a definite: YES! Sorry, fellow Catholics who offered to send me shady website links. Fr. Flynn quotes the CCC for y'all which states that "2408 The seventh commandment forbids theft, that is, usurping another's property against reasonable will of the owner." Any football (yes, that's what I call "soccer") fan knows that the FA, MLS, and other franchises give certain networks rights to air the matches (for a fee, of course) and that those networks retain the rights to air the matches. So by watching matches on feeds without permission of the networks is, in fact, a form of steal. You might've not been the one who hijacked the live feed but you're still watching it without permission. You're an accessory to the crime. I haven't watched any matches on shady links in ages but I have in the past so I need to add that to my list of things I need to confess this coming weekend when I head to the confessional. Oops!

2. Something I didn't know (hello, poorly Catechized and no good formal education on Catholicism) that most English-language Bibles aren't complete. Yes, I knew that Protestant/Christian Bibles left out many books that the Catholic Church still has but I didn't know that not all Catholic Bibles were complete. Yes, you read that right: things are missing! In my Catholic snobbery (yes, I'm a bit of a snob regarding certain things; sorry, I'm woman enough to own up to it), I've preferred the Douay-Rheims version but one that I don't actually own a copy (aside from the copy in my iPieta app). My spiritual director gave me the heads up that the versions of the Bible (while Catholic) were incomplete and pointed out the fact that, if I looked it up (and I did), I would see that only 9 of the 12 fruits of the Holy Spirit are listed in Galatians 5:22-23. I compared it to the Douay-Rheims version and, yes, it's true. The DR has all 12 listed while the other Bible I primarily used had only 9. Guess it's time to save up and get myself a more complete version. Side note: The Ignatius Study Bible was also recommended but much more expensive. Ahh!

3. As some of you may know, I made the official announcement regarding my MA decision on Twitter.

Okay, I'm making this Twitter official: I've chosen a Master of Arts in Theology. Thanks to @aquinonez for listening to me for weeks. lol.
— Emmy Cecilia (@nerdwriter) August 26, 2013

I did decide on getting my Master of Arts in Theology (I even finished most of my application to my top choice) but I've been getting hit with horrible indecision and anxiety since then. The anxiety is bad... to the point where I'm suffering both physically and mentally. I'm not sure if it's a spiritual attack or if it's just a sign that this is not the path I should take so please say a little prayer for me while I try to figure that out. All I know is that my heart says Theology and my head says Speech-Language Pathology... and my anxiety says "forget it, lady!" Eesh!

Anyway, it's super hot and muggy today and the laptop is burning my thighs so I need to shut this baby (laptop) down and go jump in the water to cool down a bit.

I hope y'all have had a great week thus far and continue to have a good (or have a better) week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!