Remembering an Inspiring Professor

Before I get into this post, I wanted to say that, yes, I know the blog post from earlier this week wasn't posted to either Facebook or Twitter. The applets were down. If you want to read it please click here: Belated Revelations.

I am currently cleaning out the inbox of an email account I've had since I was in high school (we're talking circa 2001-2002; yes, I'm that old, lol). I've gone through emails from 2003 through 2009, the last only two weeks after my father's death. The email I opened was of one of my favorite professors I ever had. The email was a response to my letting him know that I was going to take him for an online course (which was still customary at West Los Angeles College in 2009).

He replied: "Wow, I knew that I knew your name!!!!!!!!!!!! This is an entirely online class so we won't see each other, or you won't have to put up with my jokes!!!!!! Looking forward to hearing what you have to say about this course as we take it online!!!! See you online soon.
Mr. Habel."

He was my professor for two English courses during my freshman year of college at Santa Monica College (in 2004-2005) and, years later (Fall 2009), I took him for an Interpersonal Communications course at West Los Angeles College. I took easy "filler"/elective courses at community college during the 2009-2010 school year because my father had died only a month prior to the start of the Fall semester and I didn't want to start my (now) alma mater and possibly waste $40k (that was the tuition and fees cost per year when I was an undergrad) not knowing if I would have the mental and emotional capacity to get through the entire school year since my father's death had just happened. Thankfully, I was able to make it through the entire school year (arguably my favorite of my entire academic career because of the courses I took) in one piece and with my highest GPA ever.

When I was signing up for courses, I saw that Mr. Habel was teaching a speech course at WLAC. I'd loved his English classes so it was a no-brainer to take it. Even though the English classes started at 6:30 a.m. (yes, you read that correctly), Mr. Habel was always so kind to us (there were maybe 10 of us total) and he was one of the most encouraging and optimistic professors I've been blessed to have. His class wasn't hard nor was the material tedious; he chose the right material to challenge us without making it seem like it was a challenge. He truly cared that we all succeeded and never in a condescending way.

Opening up that email brought back all those lovely memories of his courses and what a great professor he was. I decided to look him up -- to see if he was still teaching -- when I encountered news I wasn't expecting: Mr. Lowell Habel had passed away on May 27, 2015, only 3 days before my 30th birthday. I teared up. In fact, I'm still tearing up as I type this out. It's been almost 2 years since his passing but the news is fresh to me.

I'm going to take this opportunity to not only say what a great human being he was but also to remind everyone how little acts can change and inspire us for the best. Mr. Habel cared deeply for his students. I saw it in the three semesters I was his student. He was kind, funny (oh, those jokes...), and he tried to help us with things that were even outside of the material/course he was teaching. 12+ years after I took my first course with him, his optimism and encouragement still resonate with me. I wonder if he knew how many students he helped. Most of us begin college worried about doing well and he was the professor who helped make that transition easier for me. In fact, he made me feel like I was competent enough to not only do well and succeed in college but beyond, whatever career path I would choose.

I'm about to pray the Rosary and the chaplet of Divine Mercy (it's the 3 o'clock hour, as I type this, in L.A.). I will remember him in my prayers and will also make sure that I try to honor his memory by being encouraging to others like he had been to all of us.

Rest in peace, Mr. Habel... and thank you for everything.

Daily Mass Addictions and School Afflictions

Hello. My name is Emmy and I am a Daily Mass addict. No, seriously. Just ask Joe who made me realize it yesterday. One day, last week, I woke up with an overwhelming urge to attend daily Mass and I've gone every day since. The only days I've missed have been days which I attend classes and am thus unable to attend Mass. (side note: my school is roughly 15 miles from where I live but we have notoriously horrible traffic -- 45 mins to 3 HOURS one way, depending on how bad it is -- so I can't get to/from Mass on time.) I don't know how/why it started but I am not complaining. It all started with a spontaneous idea to go into the chapel on campus to pray the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy before class and it's now Daily Mass followed by the Chaplet. I don't feel right not going to Mass. I've never adapted to a change in my schedule/daily routine to quickly before. Is it weird to say that I feel empty not attending Mass and receiving the Eucharist every day? I honestly can't imagine myself not attending Mass on a daily basis anymore. Everything's changed... and I love this change.

Instead of sleeping until 9-10 a.m. like I would on days I didn't have to go to campus, I get up at 7:30 (or as close to it as I can) in order to eat something light, an hour before communion, since I know I can't fast without feeling faint. I tried that (fasting) last week and I nearly fainted while praying the Rosary. (second side note: Oh yes, I have also joined a group of parishioners that pray the Rosary, novenas, and chaplets after morning Mass. :D) I don't get enough sleep anymore but I am not as tired as I thought I would be. The insomnia I experienced the last couple of week has gotten better, I'm a lot more calm (though anxiety's been worse... more on that later), the sun is brighter, etc. I'm also more aware of my actions and of thinking before speaking which helps me not be in need of confession as frequently. That is terribly important to me. Whenever I go to Mass in the morning I am reminded of two Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati quotes:

"I urge you with all the strength of my soul to approach the Eucharist Table as often as possible. Feed on this Bread of the Angels from which you will draw the strength to fight inner struggles."

AND

(in a letter to his friend, "Tonino", dated 8/13/1923): "... when one goes into the mountains one should sort out one's conscience first, because one never knows if one will return."

That last quote is on page 134 of the book Pier Giorgio Frassati: Letters to His Friends and Family. In that letter to his friend, Bl. Pier Giorgio, an avid mountain climber and sportsman, talks about the importance of going to confession after the death of a fellow mountain climber. In previous letters he also wrote about how important it was for him to receive the Eucharist before he climbed mountains. Of course, I'm not a mountain climber (I'm, at best, a lover of hikes) but I can relate to it in more ways than one. I'm always either driving or being driven. A day on which I don't drive is rare. Not only that, I attend a school which has a campus up on a mountain. The view is spectacular when you're outside but as soon as I go inside, it's a fight against the liberal, dare I say heretical, teachings I encounter inside. Just like Bl. Pier Giorgio, I think I need to receive the Eucharist daily to remind me of who I am, who am I not nor will I be in order to fit in, and that I have my Heavenly Father looking out for me. I am not in physical danger (at least not like Bl. Pier Giorgio was when he climbed) but I do feel my soul is in danger (though one I am aware of as to not fall) each time I step foot on that campus.

And that leads me to the reason why I think my anxiety's been worse lately. Well, partly. I've noticed that my anxiety gets worse on the days before I have to go class as well as the first part of the day. And it goes back to one thing... or, I should say, one person: my music professor. As I've mentioned before, she does not like me... or so it seems. I thought we'd had a breakthrough last week when she tried to understand what it's like to be a student with anxiety but this week it's gone sour again. I haven't felt so personally attacked by a professor in quite a while. She skips over me when my hand is raised for a question, she tells me to be quiet when I volunteer to answer (when no one else wants to), she finds the littlest things to reprimand me on even though I am not doing anything bad, and I am never write. Saint and religion question: I am NEVER right. Of course, I get online after class (I don't do it during out of respect for my professors) and I check to see if I was right... and I am. Yesterday I had my hand raised for the longest time and a classmate even motioned to her that I had the answer but she skipped me. She didn't come back to me until several minutes after I put down my hand and then my answer was "wrong." I don't talk back to her or anything, mostly because my parents taught me to respect my elders and partly because I'm too busy trying to catch my breathing in her class (trying not to hyperventilate due to anxiety).

I will also admit that all of this has gotten me down the past couple of weeks... but it's been most obvious the last week. Yesterday I was one big weepy/mopey mess. She really made me feel like I was a speck of dirt that was bothering her and it really messed up my day. Though I can normally just forget about people not liking me, the fact that she's been this way since day one (yes, since the first day of classes) and that she finds new ways of making me feel like crumbs has gotten to me. She's going to cancel classes a couple of times next month and in April and I am sorry to say that I very much look forward to those days. I offer up every little thing she says to make me feel horrible and keep track of it on my St. Therese Sacrifice Beads. If you guys can please say a pray that I can make it through the next 2 months and 4 weeks (the countdown is on your left hand side) and that I actually pass my classes so that I can graduate, I would be so grateful.

Okay, I think I've unintentionally procrastinated longer than I anticipated. lol. I have to do coursework for a presentation tomorrow as well as a fellow up meeting with my Thesis adviser so I really need to get to work.

I hope y'all are having a great week thus far and if any of you need me to offer up one of my bad days for a special intention you may have, let me know. I'd gladly do it. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Verso L'Alto!

By now it shouldn't be a secret that I am huge fan of Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati. I've spent enough blog posts talking about what a great role model he is for my generation as well as the younger generation, especially in these modern times when values and morals are looked upon with contempt. As I was thinking about what I'd just experienced in one of my Religious Studies classes this morning one phrase came to mind: "Verso l'alto." It means "towards the heights" or "towards the top"... a phrase that has become synonymous with Bl. Pier Giorgio's name and his short time on earth.

During the first class this morning, two big (well, big to me) things happened. First, I keep bringing up the Latin Mass in class whenever I can and have been pestering my professor for the past couple of weeks about how it's valid and how it should be an option for our "Parish Visit" final project. (We have to go to 4 different kinds of Masses, Latin Mass not offered as an option.) Today the professor finally put the details of the TLM at St. Catherine of Siena in Reseda (in the San Fernando Valley) next Saturday (the 13th) on the board. A couple of girls from class are ready to go which makes me very happy. :D The Mass counts towards the Foreign Language Mass requirement and I made sure everyone knew that the professor had said it counted. I did a little happy dance in my seat although that little "victory" didn't last too long.

The past two class lectures we've actually been watching videos on Vatican II. Today's video was very political and left winged. Some people were criticizing the late Pope John Paul II for "betraying the spirit of Vatican II" while others thought he was too modern. Some priests criticized those priests, bishops, and Popes who have taken an interest in politics of neglecting to help others grow spiritually. It was kind of a mess which some people would argue was the problem with Vatican II. Anyway, after the video was over the professor began to speak about how Humanae Vitae really "messed" Catholics again, and how the Church had no right to tell the faithful what to do regarding sex, reproduction, etc. That led to a sort of feminist, liberal rant that was completely unnecessary. She brought up Natural Family Planning and how it was an accepted form of birth control in the eyes of the Church and how it resulted from Vatican II. She then went on to say that birth control was okay and shared some personal stories to try to emphasize her point. When I challenged her on what she'd said, she said that she was right and my understanding of Natural Family Planning was wrong. A friend/classmate of mine and I looked at each other, shook our heads, and sighed. We know better but those who don't are taking the professor's word on it. I walked out of the class not sure of what to do except that I knew I'd continue to challenge the professors even moreso than I have.

All of this led to think about the phrase Bl. Pier Giorgio loved. From what I understand from his biographies and from what's up on the Frassati USA website, it means both to the top of the mountain (as he loved to climb mountains) and also "a constant striving to reach the summit of eternal life." I feel like if I don't say something in class, if I don't challenge the dribble the professors "teaching us", that I am not only not speaking up in defense of the Church but I'm also not doing anything to help my fellow classmates became spiritual stronger and more faithful. As a friend/classmate in my Ethics class said yesterday morning, a majority of our classmates don't question what the professors say even if it doesn't sound like it's a genuinely Catholic. They take what the professors say and it's automatically true. Because, as I said in my previous post, this school says it's Catholic they believe it. Of course, it's Catholic in name only but I don't think a majority of people realize that.

Now, I'm not saying that I'm perfect and that I know everything. Far from it. I'm still learning and I'm nowhere as knowledgeable as say Andrew or Joe (two good friends my age who could teach any of my classes properly if they wanted) and I'm definitely nowhere near Patrick's understanding but I'm definitely working at it... and I want to bring as many people as I can along for the ride. If anything, my experience at this school (and especially after lectures like the one we just had) give me the drive to keep going, to graduate, to go to Grad school and eventually become a professor and teach Catholicism properly.

By the by, if you were wondering what happened after the last blog entry: in a nutshell, Patrick was kind enough to get me in contact with Belmont Abbey College (with whom I unintentionally ended up playing phone tag with last Tuesday) and have the option to go there now open. A majority of my friends are pushing me towards going there while a friend and my mom are encouraging me to stay where I am and "fight the good fight" as I've been known to be up for a challenge, no matter how big it is. I've made my decision about what I'm going to do and I'm at peace with it. I also want to thank everyone for your prayers and advice. I was a bit overwhelmed last week and I took everything into consideration. I firmly believe your prayers helped as well as Our Blessed Mother's intercession (I'm on day 53 of the 54 day Rosary novena).

Alright, well, since I have another 3 hours (wow, that went by fast!) before my next class I will try to finish and post past blog entries as well as work on my NaNoWriMo entry for this year. Yes, I am crazy enough to attempt it again this year. :D

I hope y'all are having a great week thus far. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.

Catholic Nerd Say What?, Fun in Philosophy

I am surprised I'm functioning on 4 hours of sleep. I'm not even tired enough for a nap! This lack of sleep has done two things to me: make me VERY giddy (I haven't stopped smiling all day AND you can't bring me down no matter how hard you try) and also very brave.

The reason for the lack of sleep was because I was doing studying for the Philosophy exam I had an exam today. Since I missed it last Wednesday (due to my still being ill), I had to make it up today. I studied... I crammed... I'm pretty sure I didn't ace the test. I drew a lot of blanks. Thankfully, the exam was mainly multiple choice (which made me remember the answers more quickly) and it was based on things from the Old Testament that I knew (this exam was on the Judaism portion of the course). Still, I'm not too confident about it. If I passed, it'll be a miracle and St. Joseph of Cupertino is getting all the credit for that because I couldn't concentrate too well on the exam. After the test, though, things went very well -- for me.

I feel a little bad about being smug about what I'm about to share but... well, you'll see what I don't feel completely bad about it. After I finished my exam (in about half an hour), I went back into the classroom to hear the rest of today's lecture. Since it's the beginning of the Christianity portion of the course (whoo-hoo!) I didn't want to miss it. I knew he'd naturally go into Catholicism (which the professor called the "universal" religion) first so I was pumped. This is something I wouldn't need to study (much) for. That excitement turned into "what is he talking about?" and thus my fun in Philosophy began.

I turned the next hour of class into my own personal game... which I really shouldn't have done but it made the class fun. lol. I payed very close attention to what he was lecturing... and I caught a couple of discrepancies that I was more than happy to correct. Who was the only one in the class who knew St. Elizabeth's (mother of St. John the Baptist) husband, Zacharias (St. Zachary)? It wasn't the professor; it was little ol' me. lol. This isn't the first time I've had to fill in the blanks. Making sure they didn't get St. Joseph and St. Jude Thaddeus mixed up? I spoke up on that. Going into talks about St. Thomas Aquinas' "Summa Theologica"? I was all over that. Making sure people understood that Jesus Christ resurrected on the 3rd day, not from one day to another? I said my two cents on that. Talking about Christianity like it was the most ridiculous thing? You'll get a raised eyebrow from me. Debating the Virgin Mary's virginity? Oh heck no! No one messes with my mama! I'm pretty sure the professor is already pretty sick of me but, oh, it's only going to get started. I'm sorry but I have to speak up... especially after he said that he sympathized with Pontius Pilate. "Seriously? Did you just really say that? Oh... it's SO on!" Catholic nerd say what? Did she just challenge her professor. Yes... yes, I did. lol. Any attacks on Catholicism can and will be counterattacked by me... and I shall do it with a smile. Is it bad that I get so much joy from proving professors (who talk smack about the Catholic Church) wrong? I feel a little bad about being smug... but I enjoyed it too much to feel horrible. Maybe I should continue attending a public college/university so I can keep arguing with Philosophy and Religious Studies professors who have things all wrong... I'm a stinker, aren't I? lol. :D Does anyone else do this or am I just a weirdo who loves debating with professors? lol.

One professor I won't be debating -- my math professor. My course started today... and I should go do that before I crash. Fingers crossed that last night's all-nighter will be my only one this semester. Let's hope so because I'm way too giddy and silly for my own good when I have less than 5 hours of sleep. My obsession with Laurel and Hardly movies at the moment pretty much tells you how silly I am. lol.

And speaking of Laurel and Hardy, I hope you enjoy these videos of musical moments by them. :D




Alright, that's it for now. I'm off to tackle math *groans*. lol. I wish I was done with my lower division requirement so I could take all my Philosophy and Religious Studies courses and have more fun. lol. And, yes, this is me stalling. lol. Alright, alright, I'm going. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!