Missing Mass = Terrible Catholic?

I'm trying to get my mind off of how uncomfortable all the tape from the heart holster feels on my ribcage so... new blog post for y'all! lol.

Another weekend came and went and still no Mass for me.  That makes it 6 weeks in a row, a new record for me. Siiigh. I can't begin to describe how lousy and uncomfortable I feel missing Mass. I didn't feel right yesterday. I drove to our usual grocery store get food a couple of hours before the last Mass but I wasn't feeling that great in that short drive. As soon as it started drizzling again, I knew it wasn't going to happen. I was disappointed in myself and in general. Yes, I know, I have excuses because I've been too lightheaded to drive by myself which puts me and others at risk. Yes, I know two of those weekends were spent in bed. Still, sometimes I feel like I don't try hard enough.

I've had more than one priest tell me that I'm too hard on myself but sometimes I feel like I don't try hard enough. I'm the only one in this household who drives. Our neighbors either don't go to Mass or they go at different times and we can't catch them in time to tag along. Public transportation while lightheaded makes me even more nervous due to past experiences where I've felt like nearly passing out. Taxi and Uber can be costly round-trip. a parish priest at the nearest church has been known to use incense often which isn't bad except the last two times I've felt like I couldn't breathe and got more lightheaded. The majority of other nearby parishes don't have Mass past noon which stinks because sometimes the lightheadedness gets better later in the day. What else am I missing that I can do?

Sometimes I wonder if the lightheadedness is a weak excuse to not drive to Mass. I've been told, more than once, it's dangerous so I tend to not drive when I'm really lightheaded. I know it's caused by the low red blood count (anemia) as well as the low folate level. I can't kneel at Mass for more than a couple of seconds for the same reason (blood doesn't circulate as well as it could). Are these excuses enough? Or am I just using the excuses to not try harder?

I guess I'm wondering about this because the sting of the last confession with my former spiritual director still lingers. Last night I had the thought that perhaps he's right; perhaps I don't have what it takes to be a faithful Catholic. I can't even make it to Mass, how can I call myself a faithful Catholic when I'm missing a huge part of what is required of us? I also thought about how I can keep praying and asking for health issues to get resolved when I can't even go to Mass for God. Am I just a really terrible Catholic? For the record, these thoughts didn't linger but it did plant a seed of uneasy in me.

Anyway, I'm writing this to keep myself accountable. I don't want to make this "No Mass" streak any longer. I have been eating better and taking folic acid more frequently (when I don't forget it... or it gets put away by someone who is not me) so I hope that it'll help with the lightheadedness. If anyone has any tips, please send them my way!

Tomorrow, the 54-day Rosary novena begins. I'm excited about all the people who have signed up to get reminders! Last time we had no more than 5-6 so nearly 20 people (that I know of, anyway) this time around is huge. You can always join in, even if you don't let me know. ;)

Alright, the trick-or-treaters are starting to come out so I'm going to go hide. If there's a Grinch-equivalent for Halloween, I'm totally one. I've never liked Halloween, even as a child. Talk to me about All Saints' Day and All Souls' Day and you'll find yourself an excited camper. ;)

I hope y'all have a lovely, safe night (especially those going out) and had a lovely weekend! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Why I Remain Catholic

I started seeing tweets with the hashtag #WhyRemainCatholic floating around Twitter a couple of days ago and I was immediately intrigued. I finally found the source and thought it was a brilliant idea. Elizabeth Scalia (a.k.a. the Anchoress) issued a challenge to all of us Catholics in social media (as well as those in the public eye) to share why we are still Catholic, despite what the Pew studies report says. Though I am of little to no importance in the Catholic world, I thought I'd share why I'm still Catholic.

I'm still Catholic because it has filled a gaping void that existed while I was away from the Church. From ages 11 through 21, I was Catholic in name only. I rarely attended Mass. I was poorly catechized and therefore knew very little beyond the basic prayers. I sought things such as popularity amongst friends and classmates and even when obtained, still felt incredibly empty inside.

I'm still Catholic because a lot of what I believed while I was away from the Church still aligned with Church teachings. I didn't believe in abortion and couldn't bring myself to support friends who obtained abortions in my late teens because I knew that it meant the killing an innocent child. I believed these things despite never having heard the word "pro-life" or knowing what the Church teachings were on this topic.

I'm still Catholic because, despite being poorly catechized as a child, I still knew the beauty that existed in the Church. When I was a 5 year-old I used to tell people I was going to become a nun when I grew up. I loved attending Mass and paying close attention to what was going on.

I'm still Catholic because my life changed for the better upon my reversion. The years of anxiety, stress, dumb teenage decisions, and emptiness have only made me appreciate the love, joy, and peace I've felt in recent years.

I'm still Catholic because it's helped me get out of the stereotypical selfish Millennial mindset that I should pursue things that make me happy and that things were made for my comfort. Those thoughts created a number of stresses, sadness, and anxieties when they were not obtained. It was only until I stopped trying to control things and let Him lead me down the path He wants me to take that life had a better and more beautiful meaning.

I'm still Catholic because everything taught in our beautiful religion has made sense. As a former Religious Studies major, I had to study different religious and philosophies yet the only one I agreed wholeheartedly with was Catholicism. Even when I was an "open minded" teen, Catholicism still made the most sense.

I'm still Catholic because I love Him too much to ever deny Him. When my time here on earth is over, I want to spend eternity with Him and I believe the only way I can achieve that is to continue to be Catholic and do His will for me.

I'm still Catholic for these reasons and more. The list would be too long to actually write out but at least you get the gist of it. :)

Anyway, this is just a short list. I wrote this out while experiencing chest tightness (ah, acid reflux/ GERD...) but I still soldiered on (after a break) to finish it. That's how important this post was to me. :)

I hope y'all have a wonderful weekend. If there's anything I can about for you, please let me know. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Poorly Catechized? Learn! Teach!

I took this picture a couple of years ago. It was one of the first books I bought when I reverted to the faith.

This is the second part to last week's blog post (which should've been written/posted sooner). It took longer than anticipated because of work and errands... and life. :) Yeah. I'm a little behind on a lot of things but I will catch up over the weekend. :D

So, results of my little poll? Almost everyone who responded said they were poorly catechized. Ouch. There are a number of reasons why people think they weren't properly taught. We can all point fingers (I know I kind of did as well). What I didn't hear much about was what was being done to remedy it.

Where am I going with this? Well, to put it bluntly: we can't use the fact that we were poorly catechized as an excuse to what we do anymore. Yes, it's not easy to go back and learn things (especially if you've been out of school or away from the Church for so long) but it's not impossible. Don't know the Beatitudes, or the fact that there are two different sets of Beatitudes? Grab the nearest Catholic (*cough*complete*cough* - hee!) Bible and look it up. If you've been learning as an adult yet you still have questions, ask a priest or someone you respect. I know I bugged Patrick Madrid a couple of times during my junior and senior years of college for book suggestions. And, by the by, he has a great show called Right Here, Right Now which can be heard on Immaculate Heart Radio on weekdays. You can call in during the show and ask questions which you are wondering about. The point is, it's never too late to learn. Think of it this way: St. Augustine of Hippo, one of greatest Catholic minds of all time, was 32 when he converted. It's never too late to learn more about our beautiful religion.

One more thing before I get off my soapbox: if you love the faith and have the time to teach others, why don't you? Become a catechist, start a blog, tweet fun Catholic facts, etc. We're in the Year of Faith; this is the perfect time to do something. The results of the election, as well as the tweets from the Bishops and Bloggers Dialogue weekend, have really lit the fire under me. I don't know about y'all but... I seriously want to learn all that I can (even more so than before) and then pass it on to the younger generation. We have an amazing opportunity to really do something... yet we get lazy or sidetracked by so many things.

I think I'm going to do a little something starting this month that I hope will help in my own little nerdy way. Being a bookworm and having a weird compulsion to document my progress, I think I'm going to tackle a couple of simple books on Catholicism and write what I've learned. If anyone wants to join in (whether it be reading, interviewing, researching, etc), I welcome you to do so. I'm going to tag those posts as #WhatILearnedWednesday or #WILW. I may not get through one book per week but I will keep track of it for the rest of the Year of Faith. Embarrassing (as in "yeah, I really didn't know that") or not, I will write down what I learned.

Anyway, just wanted to write this out and I hope that at least one person reads this and is inspired to do something. And now, to get some work done before I enjoy the rest of my weekend. :D

I hope y'all had a great week and have a fantastic weekend.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

Catholicism on Tumblr, Part One

(Side note: This is part one of the (planned) two part post on Catholicism on tumblr.)

I love tumblr. If you're following me on it, you know that I don't stick to one theme. If I like it, I will reblog it. A major of my posts contains gorgeous photos of cities, landscapes, flowers, books/libraries, whatever it is that I find funny/like, and, of course, Catholicism. In fact, on the last blog post I posted a picture I found on one of the Catholic tumblrs I'm following. There is good and bad in tumblr. I'd like to think that the good outweighs the bad but at times it seems like it's the opposite. While I am not focusing on the dark side of tumblr (that is for the next post), it exists... and those of us on the website have to find ways to combat it. However, due to deadlines (need to work since I have to start paying back my one and only loan in three weeks-ish), I'm going to start with the good.

There are so many wonderfully creative and witty people on tumblr. Some use it for evil (again, getting there next time) but many use it for good. Instead of describing them, I'm going to post some of my favorite Catholic-related pictures found on tumblr. If you're on the site and are interested in reblogging the items (and tagging them with a "Catholic" or "Catholicism" tag to bury the more pornographic and negative images), let me know and I'll send you the links. :)

Without further ado, here are some of my favorites in the last couple of weeks:

Anyway, this is just a small sample of what is to come. Sorry this is short but I'm pressed for time. Like I said, the next post will focus mostly on what we as Catholics should try to fight against when we're on tumblr but I will include some more awesome (and witty) pictures that I didn't get a chance to post this time around. :D

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a 500 word assignment to complete so I can (hopefully) have time to squeeze in a second assignment today. :D

Hope y'all had a great weekend and have a great week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

Back to School: Week from Heck

Yes, that's me and, yes, that was the reaction I had to everything I endured past week. (Side note: so no one wigs out, that is my claddagh ring. I'm a Hibernophile and am also part Irish so I can get away with it. ;D) To say that this was the hardest week I've ever had in my academic career would not be an exaggeration. I had to make some of the hardest decisions I've had to make and all I will do is pray to God that I've made the right ones.

Believe it or not, I spent every day of my first week back to school (and first week at a new school) crying. Despite trying to remain optimistic and having the support of both my family and friends, I came very close to dropping out of this school and applying for enrollment at another. If you're following me on Twitter or are a friend on Facebook, you probably read my tweets and status updates in which I expressed my indecision and unhappiness. If you read my last blog post you got just a small glimpse into what was going on in my mind as well. Actually, right after I posted that blog (which I wrote on campus, in the library) I attempted to take a much needed nap but it didn't end up happening. At the end of the day, the combination of my anxiety of being the odd girl out as well as the lack of sleep ended in the worst panic attack I've had since the day my father died.

I had to leave the classroom (I was in math class) and I nearly fainted in the hallway. I had to sit down and I cried my eyes out (and a special "thank you" to the 3 people who stopped and offered me water or tissues while I endure the panic attack) while I tried to control my breathing. I felt too weak to stand up, my hands and feet began tingling and I was extremely lightheaded. I've never had a panic attack that bad at school and never in public. Once I controlled my breathing, I walked into math class but was so lightheaded that I nearly fainted again. I had to catch myself on the piano stool in the classroom (math class is offered in a music room) before making it to my seat. I had to endure the whispers and stares from my classmates and that nearly set off another round of panic but I was able to focus on drinking water and writing down whatever was on the board. Have I ever mentioned how easily embarrassed I get and how uncomfortable I get when the spotlight is on me? This is why I hate getting anxiety in public and why I avoid public speaking at all costs. Anyway, after that experience, I was ready to call it quits.

So what exactly triggered the panic attack? As I said, I believe it was a combination of the lack of sleep, the general anxiety I had (and have) about my classes, the uncomfortable feeling I've felt since day one, and a slew of other things. I just don't feel like I fit in... and I probably don't. As I mentioned in the previous post, if there are "traditional" Catholics on campus they're all hiding. It's almost a crime to be this way... or at least it's the way it feels. While I have no personal problems with any of my professors (they've all been lovely and helpful in terms of my anxiety and working with me because of it), I don't agree with what they teach. One of my professors asked us to erase the thought of Hell out of our minds because it didn't exist... and this was in a Religion class. Of course Hell exists, as does purgatory and Heaven. A lot of things that are being taught, well, I am just not comfortable listening to but I sit there and don't say anything because I've already been warned not to p.o. my professors unless I want to fail. They have a school policy, which I recently learned, which states that we are able to speak our minds regarding religion and that we can't be punished for our beliefs. Regardless, things said about "traditional" Catholics are extremely passive-aggressive. Every time I had a break, I'd go into the chapel and the St. Therese alcove and I'd pray for the strength to make it through my classes because I just didn't feel great in them. Every time I would come out I just dreaded going back to class a little more.

After going through all of these things the first three days of school, plus the elitist snobbery permeating from a great deal of classmates, I was ready to call it a day. Why subject myself to all of that? Why endure two more years of this treatment? Deadline to withdraw without penalties (fees) was Friday so I had hard decisions to make. The anxiety got worse and Wednesday night into Thursday morning was a nightmare. I ended up missing all my classes on Thursday because I was so exhausted from a day of back-to-back panic attacks (they can be both emotionally and physically draining) and I ended up sleeping (recuperating) most of the day. By the time I woke up, I'd missed the entire day. Thursday evening and night I got words of support and encouragement from my mother and friends. The majority supported whatever decision I ended up making while some tried to get me to either leave or stay because it was what they wanted for me. While I appreciated it, I am not a fan of being told (especially when it sounds like I'm being forced) what to do when it comes to my personal life and decisions. It was something both Joe of Verbum Veritatis and Andrew of Per Fidem said that really made look at the situation differently: endure the classes as penance and offer it up. While I usually do this (offering things up for souls in purgatory), I hadn't really thought about doing it for school. I actually spent the rest of my Thursday night going back and forth with Andrew on the whole issue of staying versus going until I had a moment of clarity that really helped me make my decision.

In the end I decided to stay. As someone close to me told me on Thursday night "You are not a quitter." It's true. I don't like giving up and I like proving people wrong when they underestimate me. While I am still really uncomfortable with what will be said about "traditional" Catholics and even though I will want to cry every time they butcher Catholicism and the Church, I will have remind myself that all of this will help me learn what "progressive" Catholics and Christians argue so that my counterargument will be stronger. I am still unsure about whether or not I will sit there and fight all the time or if I'm just going to do it when I am asked (in essays and whatnot when I am directly asked). I have to learn how to pick my battles because I know that no matter what you present, and no matter how sound that argument may be, there are some people who will keep attacking just because they don't agree with you.

By the way, I'll also admit that part of the reason why I decided to stay was because of the tuition. If I stay at this school I'll graduate debt free since I am not asking for any loans. I'm a practical, frugal woman. Taking into consideration that my mother's paycheck is the only one regularly coming in and not knowing what the future holds or how the economy will be in two years, I felt it would be best not to overburden myself with any loans. I still have grad school to go through as well and I have to think about that.

To not make this entry even longer I will say that I dealt with all of this while fighting an upper respiratory infection (and taking antibiotics all 5 days of the week) and then getting cold. I was, and still am, physically drained so much so that I ended up missing Mass today. As I joked Thursday night, I better get some time off in purgatory for all of this. ;)

Alright, well, I have procrastinated long enough. I must get to my math homework which is due tomorrow. While I still feel anxious (which might explain the horrible weakness and fatigue I currently feel; I've been stuck in bed for hours), I've made a personal vow to really give it my all and go down swinging if it comes to that. We'll see how tomorrow and the rest of the week fares.

I hope those of you who returned to school this past week are having a better time than I am. To those who start this coming week: all the best of luck to y'all. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Wait, Is This Even Me? / Better Catholic?

Tonight I realized something very important about myself -- I had slowly been changing myself to fit the various molds that I was being put into. While listening to June Christy and Duke Ellington (some songs were blipped), it suddenly dawned on me that I missed the way I was before I started changing... a change which I didn't even realize I'd done. Before I go further, I should explain a few things.

Those of you who have known me long enough, or have read this blog almost from its inception, know that (until as recent as a year ago) I'd always been known as a hopeless romantic (though not necessarily in the "love and affection" sense) and a sucker for happy endings. Some of it is still obvious (my love of Jane Austen is a giveaway, lol), but it's not the same as it once was. I used to live and breathe songs by Ella Fitzgerald, June Christy, Renee Olstead, Billie Holiday, etc. Chick flicks were often my choice when going to the movies (though screwball comedies and comedies in general have always won over any/all other genres). Classic movies such as the Four Daughters film series, musicals such as An American in Paris and Good News, and screwball comedies like The Philadelphia Story and Vivacious Lady were my preferred viewing choices. Something about things that bring warm fuzzies have always been what I've liked the most. Being courted the old fashioned way, acting with modesty and decorum -- these are some of the things I would be happy with (minus the courting thing as I've never properly been courted; I'm in absolutely no rush to go there, especially because there is still so much I want to accomplish first). I was happy with this part of myself. I was unashamedly this way as well. Unfortunately, I unconsciously locked this part of myself up somewhere down the road.

While working on the novel, I've had to revisit some pleasant (as well as unpleasant) memories of previous years (early 2005 through early 2008). Without spoiling much, I will say that I've been listening a lot to the music I use to then and it has brought back so many memories attached to the songs. Most of them are of how I use to be happy with the things I've previously mentioned. As I mentioned a few months ago, I'm the type of girl that loves having flowers in every room. The idea of wearing skirts and heels a la the 1930s and 40s is incredibly appealing to me. Wearing a mantilla/chapel veil on Sunday, which wearing said skirts/dresses and heels seems like the proper, respectful thing to do while attending Mass. Being domestic (to the level it was prior to daddy's death) is something I actually look forward to. Maybe it was (and still is) all very idealistic, but I was happy with how I was.

The changes in me were subtle. I toned down the more "romantic" ideals and stuck with the more sensible (and serious) notions of what was expected of me. I took charge of my family (though, as Fr. Brian has pointed out, I've never really been a child since I've taken care of my parents since I was very young) and I tried to be as strong, both emotionally and mentally, as I could. I haven't allowed myself to cry as much as I've sometimes wanted (I'm very sensitive and even the thought of someone suffering makes me tear up) out of fear of being called oversensitive and overly emotional. Apparently a lot of people think that's a detestable quality. I've had an extremely "take care of business" mentality for over a year now. Though I've always been more practical than not, it's gotten to the point where I am not even having fun anymore. I study hard but I don't take the time to do many things I enjoy. I made the joke to a friend that I've become an anti-social nerd. I don't go out anymore; not that I did much in the first place. I have, in a sense, made myself into what has been expected of me -- a young sensible, responsible lady who's expected to focus on her schoolwork and on stifling her more romantic and emotional thoughts and ways. I'm expected to do everything for my mother because I'm now her only living relative and she heavily relies on me. I am expected to fit into everyone's ideal of what they want me to be -- some friends want to me be extremely serious and even become a religious sister, some want to be be a little spunky spitfire and always up for entertaining them, others want me shut up about my moral and thoughts (basically be "less Catholic"), a few even think I'm not Catholic enough. I can't win. I've been trying to please everyone, and not been happy in my attempts to not let anyone down, that I've lost the part of myself that I've always loved.

When I'm in my more idealistic/"romantic" frame of mind, I tend to be happier. I used to be able to do more of what I wanted and, somewhat ironically, be more in touch with the spiritual side of me. When I'm that way, I don't really care what others think of me (in the sense of whether or not I was being a good enough daughter/friend/Catholic) because I'm happy and I know that I'm doing exactly what God wants me to do/be -- not what others think I should do to get closer to Him. Where is that part of me now? I miss it and think I should quit trying to keep it hidden and bogged down.

One more thing... have you noticed the lack of the blog posts and the rigid formality in some of them? I have started to no longer enjoy what I write. When I started this blog, I did it to give everyone an unabashed look into what life was for a young Catholic lady -- good, bad, and everything in between. I knew I was going to make mistakes and would have to own up to those mistakes when I blogged, but that was the point. I am not a saint, though I certainly aspire to be one. I'm not done in my education of all things Catholicism; I'm still just scratching the surface. This blog was never intended to have all the break news of what's happening in our world; there are plenty of blogs and news websites on that. Instead, I wanted it to be a more personalized blog in which I would say how certainly things happening both in the Catholic and secularized world affect me and those around myself. I wanted it to be more personal (have I stressed that enough?) and I thought it would be neat to see how my progress was going. It seems that I have deviated from that just a little.

After a little soul searching, I've decided to return to how things were -- just a little older and (hopefully) a little wiser. Though I'm certainly not going to revert to all my old ways (I've changed and grown for the better in some aspects), I do want to return to how I was prior to all the stress and pressure to act and say what is/was expected of me. This blog (which has slowly been coming back in this direction; exhibit a) the blog layout) will also return to its initial purpose: just an ordinary young woman trying to navigate her way through this world with her ideas, morals, and faith intact. All the previous blogs I'd been writing but not published were too formal so they won't be getting posted (well, not all of them). I am returning to the basics. If I lose a few readers, I won't take it personally. I never kept this blog because I wanted such a huge reader base. I'm still surprised so many people are even remotely interested in what I write.

As for my old ways, I would like to ask friends who read this blog to please respect my decision. Please don't try to make me feel guilty for wanting to do my own thing once again. I love you all but I need to do this for myself. So, please, no more "you should become a religious sister; you're better suited for it since you don't mind the solitude"... no more "quit being so idealistic"... no more pressure to be "a better Catholic" or to "shut up" when topics such as pro-life and abstinence come up. I believe what I do and I think I deserve the same respect I show those who don't agree with my points of view. I'd like to do things on my own pace. I will continue to learn about the more "traditional" Catholicism I feel is the better suit for my ideals and philosophy. I'm sorry that the Novus Ordo does not appeal to me but I will participate in what doesn't make me literally cringe because I'm still there for God regardless. (side note: I still refuse to clap and do certain things in these Masses). I am still learning, though, so if some of you "trad Catholics" have the patience to teach me, I totally welcome my education of it -- I still have so much to learn on things pre-Vatican II.

Phew. That was a load off my mind. Again, if you would rather not read my blog after what I've written, I understand and will not be hurt. If I stay true to who I am and what I want to write, there will be more entries written as I will not be pressured to come up with some amazing entry that defends our faith. I will, of course, still do this because I am so impassioned about certain things -- but it will all be based on my knowledge and feelings about the topics. As I wrote the day I began this blog (Dec. 25, 2007): "There are no guarantees that I won't make a mistake or two along the way, but I will learn and I am willing to share my experiences with whomever wants to read about them." I will return to the plans I had as a 22 year-old and be happy. :)

If you're still with me at this point, God Bless you! I tend to write quite a bit, don't I? lol. Thank you for reading everything; honestly, I greatly appreciate it. :)

I hope everyone has a blessed weekend and St. Joseph the Worker Feast Day. Happy feast day to all those named Joseph or those who chose St. Joseph as their confirmation saint. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

So... Did You Hear I was a Heretic?

This picture sums up my reaction to that completely unnecessary argument between sedevacantists and myself. You know it's a sad time when Catholics go after each other. I mean, I know why I would get attacked... I acknowledge that Pope Benedict XVI is the Pope and I love that he's trying to bring back some pre-Vatican II things, like the Latin Masses. I have loved Pope Benedict XVI since he became our Pope, way before people started warming up to him. I just felt like he would do a great job. So far, I do believe he has done a lot of good for the Church though I am still learning here (remember, though, that I just came back to the faith not too long ago). This is where the sedevacantists will fight with me.

"He's an anti-Pope!", "He's heretical!", "Anyone who follows him is a heretic that will burn in hell!" Please, give me a break! Granted, I do question some things he's done (such as the whole Lutheran church homily controversy) but I like to think that he has done that as a way to extend an olive branch... in hopes that some of them will consider looking into converting or at least into not having such anti-Catholic views. Hey, if it's happening with the Anglican Church (many converting to Catholicism) why can't we hope for Lutherans to do the same?

I do know there is a great division between traditional Catholics and the more progressive *cough*liberal*cough*/cafeteria Catholics, but I don't think attacking each other will ever solve any difference. As I've said many times, I fall in the more conservative, traditional spectrum of Catholicism. I would LOVE to see the Traditional Latin Masses replace the Novus Ordo and I am a definite mantilla (chapel veil) wearer and feel disrespectful when I don't have it on. It makes me sad not to see Sisters wearing their habits on campus of Catholic colleges and universities (oh, I have something coming up on that). That doesn't mean I am going to attack those who love the Ordinary Form Masses or act disrespectful to the Sisters who wear everyday clothing.

I felt really disrespected when I was accuse of being a heretic. The people who accused me of such things did not know me, at all, nor do they know my beliefs (which would take quite a few long posts to get everything written). I was accused of wholeheartedly embracing Vatican II which I have never discussed (on whether I agree or disagree) with anyone... in person or online. When I made a comment on a friend's Facebook status about how we shouldn't expect Pope Benedict XVI to magically change the Church back overnight, I was rebutted with the argument that if he "were the real Pope", he would do it without a problem. He's a man, not a magician. While he is acting as God's representative on earth, he's not actually God. He does not have the power to will people to change. God doesn't even do that! (I won't go into the Free Will debate; at least not tonight.) With how progressive the world is today, and seeing how rapidly secularism is spreading across once great Catholic countries, it's going to be a difficult uphill battle for Pope Benedict XVI and for his successors. I do think it can happen, but it won't be easy.

In a nutshell, this way of thinking (and other thoughts that I have not discussed with others) makes me a heretic. *shakes head* As I said on my Facebook status a few days ago, I refuse to get into any more of these arguments because I am not a broken record nor do I aspire to be one (she says ever so sassily. lol) It's the same arguments over and over again. Apparently I was not the only one who had this problem recently (a few other friends had similar situations as well) and we've all pretty much decided to tune them out. It's not going to do anyone any good to fight over this.

This is all I'm going to write about the topic. I am not going to badmouth anyone. I am not going to single out people. This is not an attack on anyone. I'm just sharing my experience and thoughts on the experience. I avoid drama like the plague (though all bets are off with my guy friends who treat me like a sister, though that's mostly teasing and really lame inside jokes... long story, lol) so I am not going to go into this topic with anyone again.

To end this blog on a better note... I do have a dream post coming up soon which relates to the topic I wrote about yesterday. I am not quite done thinking about it (had a busy day today) but hope to soon. :D

Alright, this busy little bee needs to get some sleep. It's nearly 1 a.m. in the morning (technically this post was written in two days) and I have to get up in a few to study and do exams before I go visit some pretty awesome Sisters (which I hope to write about tomorrow). :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

A Week of God, Love, and Friendships.

I have the best friends a girl could ask for... and I'm completely unworthy of them. I've been trying to finish this post for the past week but my friends keep doing amazing things so I kept putting off. More on that later. Getting back on topic, I have been truly blessed with the people I call my friends. It's taken many failed friendships, arguments, and tears but I finally have the friends I've been praying for.

I've always been a people pleaser. I was a little feistier and a terrible little know-it-all growing up, but I always wanted everyone to get along. Unfortunately, this meant that I would often change myself just to fit with so-called friends. It's a horrible habit I developed at a very young age that became hard to break as I got older. Often, friendships would change me into someone I was not proud of. There were many that brought out the worst in me. Not surprisingly, these friendships happened while I was away from the Church. I call the period between high school and my turning 20 years old my "lost years" because it's when I was the most horrible I've ever been. I lied a lot because I did not trust my "friends" (and had good reason not to) and/or because it was the only way I would earn their "respect" so that they'd leave me alone. At the time, my reasoning behind my actions was "Well, I can't tell them the truth because they'll try to take advantage of me (which many truly did, especially since I was starting out in the biz) and/or because they'll gossip whatever I say back to others (which most did; and a majority of the gossip ended up being false, anyway)." What I failed to realize was that the better option was just to cut these so called friendships off and find myself friends that would inspire me to become a better person. A year or so before I returned to the Church, I went through a process of cutting ties with all the people that had caused me to act the way I did. I'm not blaming them for everything; I take full responsibility for my own actions and will, to this day, own up to everything I did. I'm not proud of what I did and said, but I am grateful that by the grace and mercy of God, I was able to sort of start over (in a sense) and start down the right path. At the end of the "cleansing" period -- which actually culminated with my getting physically sick -- I knew I'd done the right thing... no matter how lonely I'd feel.

I kept, or I should say was kept by, friends who proved loyal and trustworthy and who had known the real me and not the front I'd given to other people. They knew the truth and that's all that mattered to me. Slowly, some of those friendships ended (many had gone down the path I was previously on and/or were unable to give up that lifestyle), but I also gained friendships that would slowly change me into the person I am today. Most of these friendships were made because we shared a common love of God. As I started coming back to the Church... attending Mass, going to confessions regularly, breaking the horrid habits I'd grown used to... my friendships flourished and multiplied. The more in love I became with Catholicism and with the idea of doing things that would please the Lord instead of things that would hurt him, the stronger the bonds with my new friends became. The stronger the friendships became, the better I wanted to be. The first friends that actually inspired me weren't Catholic. They were Christians. I had Catholic friends who brought out positive aspects of myself, but they're all lapsed Catholics (don't worry, I'm working on it. :D). As I saw myself becoming a person my parents could be proud of, and with the help of priests I've talk to, I vowed to never do the things I once did with my former "friends." I could never hurt the people that had brought so much love and understanding into my life. This, btw, explains my hatred of lying and dishonesty. I can no longer lie to anyone about anything, even if it's the smallest white lie. I loathe it! It's like when you eat something that makes you violently sick and you can never eat it again because you know it's bad for you in more ways than one. If someone asks me something, I'll give them the straight answer... unless it's something I don't wish to discuss because it's too personal. When that happens, I just say that I don't want to talk about it because I truly don't. I've become increasingly private as I've gotten older. :D

I reflected upon these thoughts the past week... especially when I saw that my friends, old and new, had begun spoiling me. I had many friends whom I didn't speak to for weeks because they either didn't know how talk to me after my father's death or because that person (or I) had become so busy that emails and phone calls became infrequent. Lately we've all been stepping it up, though. I thoroughly enjoy my chats with my friends during the week and outings whenever we can plan something. I've been giving advice, and receiving it myself, and it's all coming from the heart. I want the best for my friends so I try to help them with whatever they need and it seems to be vice versa.

A couple of days ago I received a card and prayer bouquet from my friend Claire of Musings of a Twentysomething that showed me just how amazing my friends are... and how blessed I am that the Lord has brought these people into my life. I actually haven't personally met Claire yet, though we certainly tried to meet up when she was in L.A. earlier this summer. Despite this we've developed a very strong bond which neither of us can explain. She's also my first real traditional Catholic girlfriend too, which makes things even better. :D Anyway, a few days ago I received my first prayer bouquet from her and members of her women's prayer group. I can't begin to describe the amount of love and support I felt from these women who I've never met. All but Claire are still complete strangers to me, but here they were... telling me that they were going to pray for my father's soul and for me. I teared up as I read their lovely messages. May God bless them for everything.

That was just one example of what my friends have done for me. I thank God each and every day for the people I call my friends. Like I said at the beginning of this blog, I feel like I'm truly undeserving of their friendship... but I am truly grateful that God has brought them into my life. Not only do I have a wonderful support system, many of whom will drop what they're doing if I ever need a shoulder to cry on or a person to rant to... and vice versa :), but I've learned what true friendships are like. Of course God is in the center of all these friendships, which is why I think they work and why they've made me a better person.

Have I gushed enough? lol. I think it's not enough, and I haven't talked about all the wonderful things that happened to me this past week, but I don't want to make this any longer than it is... plus I still have to study for my Interpersonal Communications test. I will hopefully blog about what I'm doing for the 40 Days for Life. :D

Alright, since I've finished novel writing for the day (which also has a strong theme of friendship in it) and since I have nothing else to do... I will go make myself a cup of tea and study for my exam. Hope everyone has a great evening (or day for my British friends :D).

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Back to School With Prayers, Saints, and Faith.

*Picture: Textbooks for my Biological Psychology, Interpersonal Communication, and Philosophy of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam courses. St. Dymphna prayer card on top of Bio. Psych. book; St. Thomas Aquinas prayer card on top of Phil. book. Yes, I purposely put each saint on book that relates to their patronage.*

First off, I just want to say a big "Thank you!" for all the positive (and one not so positive) feedback on the last post I wrote on being single. I got a couple of messages on here, a couple on twitter, etc. It makes me happy to know that some of y'all enjoyed it and/or that helped you in some way, no matter how small it might've been. :D

Now, I'm sure the following topic is one that most students dread after a long summer vacation: Returning to school and classes. I'm actually both very excited and slightly nervous about going back to school. This post is already sounding a little like last year's, isn't it? lol. Well, I'm not as nervous as I was last year because I was able to make it through the last semester with NO ANXIETY (first ever since I was 15 and newly diagnosed with anxiety disorder) and the entire school year without dropping any classes. Yes! It definitely gave me confidence about the rest of my career as a student. I still give a lot of credit to St. Dymphna for always listening to my prayers, and St. Thomas Aquinas and St. Joseph of Cupertino for their help/intercession during the school year. By the way, you can find the student prayers to both St. Thomas Aquinas and St. Joseph of Cupertino here. I will bring them (saints and prayers) up again around midterm and finals so y'all can find them if you don't bookmark the page now.

Last year was the most successful year I've had in a long time. I intend to pray as much, if not more, than I did last year. Since I have time between my Philosophy course and the "staff" meetings for the school's literary magazine (side note: yes, I'm once again working on it except that this time I'm doing it as a way of saying 'thank you' to my former English Lit prof. and not for credit), I hope to be able to go to a nearby parish. I don't know why but there's just something I love about going to church during the week, even if there is no Mass being said at the time. *shrugs* I will definitely be there during midterms and finals week because it's when I'm most stressed. I've made it a goal to go back to school with a lot of prayers, saints (either in the form of reading books on and/or by them or by asking for their intercessions) and a lot of faith. I have a feeling my course load will require me to be on the "defense" when it comes to my faith... especially in my Philosophy course.

As a Religious Studies major, I take at least one Philosophy course per semester (two last Spring). This semester I'm doing one on the three monotheistic religions: Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. I hope I won't have to do as much defending of Catholicism as I did last year but most likely I will. Last semester I won my battle in one of Philosophy courses (Philosophy of World Religions) and no one bashed Catholicism after a while. In the other course (Ethics), the professor just quit giving wrong information on Catholicism because he knew that my friend/classmate/fellow Catholic, Elizabeth, and I would immediately correct him or make comments on what he was saying. And we sat right in front of him, too, with our rosaries and miraculous medals in full display. lol. (side note: He was a Unitarian minister). I will not stay quiet and let someone drag our religious through the mud, especially if it's based on misinformation. I think I'm a little more prepared than I was last semester to face whatever Catholic bashing might come so... BRING. IT. ON! lol.

I'm going to have one packed course load this semester, but I'm SO EXCITED! My courses this semester are as follows:
- Philosophy of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam
- Biological Psychology
- Interpersonal Communication (Part Two)
- Mathematics.

I'm going to definitely pray I don't suffer through my math course because it's, without a doubt, my worst subject. lol. I haven't taken a math course in years (yes, seriously) but it's a requirement so I must. I actually have to take math the entire school year so... *groan* Luckily I love all my other courses (well, love what we're supposed to learn in each class) so I hope it all balances out. Did I also mention that I'm joining a couple of clubs (not counting the Literary Magazine)? Yup. I want to be able to really experience college now that I don't have as many restrictions as I had in the past.

I'm actually pretty introverted at school (stems from my being humiliated in front of my peers, by a teacher no less, in high school) so it will good for me to be a little more social. One of the clubs is also for students who are Christians and Catholics so it'll be good. No Newman Centers at either of the schools I'll be attending, since they're community colleges, but I'll try this club/group. Last year they held movie festivals (for movies such as Facing the Giants) during the Fall, which was pretty cool. I am also prepared to set anyone's preconceived notions of Catholicism straight. I won't getting into heated arguments over it (I tend to avoid that with non-professors, lol), but I will try to clarify things to them. Maybe if I do these things, less people will talk ill about the Church or its members. It might be a pipe dream but I'll hold onto it. :)

Alright, well, I should probably go get my class things in order so that I can just wake up on Monday morning and go to class, unstressed. *fingers crossed* I'll be sure to take my prayer cards with me, as well as a Rosary, in case I feel a bit anxious. :) I hope that everyone that's going back, or has gone back, has a successful school year... and that we Californians don't suffer too badly with all the budget cuts the Goverantor made. That's a whole 'nother rant y'all don't want to hear. lol. ;)

Okay, I'll be quiet now. :D Thanks for reading and God Bless!

Faith Trashing Professors; Ethics Speech; Prayer Request.

I'm having one of those days where I'm missing my big brother, quite badly, so I have to throw myself into things to keep from thinking about it too much. I know he's up in Heaven, and that brings me some comfort.

Anyway...

Oy to the vey. School related things are slowly taking over my free time. If I'm not studying or doing something for one of my classes, I'm probably sleeping or trying to keep sane. This ought to teach me not to get another early morning class... and that what I was able to do at 19, I can't at 23 (i.e.- getting up at 5:30-6:30 a.m. for a 6:30-7:30 a.m. English class). Come to think of it, I was even more exhausted then. This is something I should've remembered 3 months ago when I signed up for the course. Oh well... now I know. :) On the upside, 5 weeks into the semester and no anxiety whatsoever (well, not at school) so that's something worth celebrating.

Something not as good... faith trashing professors. Ever since that situation with the professor ripping on a student's faith, professors have either been more sensitive to what they say about religion, or they talk trash about it and about whoever talks about it. Since it happened within the district, some of my own professors have brought it up in class. One, my English prof., politely asked us not to bring the subject of religion into her class. I've already talked about how another allows students to gang up on a classmate of mine (and occasionally on me because I have the guy's back; we Christians need to have each others' backs). Don't get me started on the issues I have with that professor. lol. Since my other two classes (which are both Philosophy courses) deal with religion, it's unavoidable talking about it. In one of the classes, I've had a few people attack me... ONLY because I'm Catholic. Yes, that was the only reason. It was like "Pick on the Catholic" day. Of course, I said "Bring it on!" and defended myself. It wasn't too harsh so I didn't stress it.

In my other Philosophy course (Ethics) there's no Catholic bashing, per se, but the professor always says something about Catholicism which is either somewhat untrue (half correct, half incorrect) or just doesn't seem too happy talking about the religion. (He's a Protestant, in case you're wondering, though a very liberal one from what he says he supports.) Though he's brought up saints and even the late, great Pope John Paul II, he doesn't seem entirely okay with our beliefs. When my friend/classmate, and fellow Catholic, asked about St. Augustine's Confessions, the prof. sort of dismissed it because it was autobiographical. She and I just looked at each other and shook our heads. That's actually something you'll see us do quite a bit in that class. I'm happy I have someone who shares the same beliefs and morals as I do. We even spent Monday and yesterday comparing what medals and things we had. She had more medals than I did, but I have more prayer cards on hand. It's nice to know she'll have my back in case the vultures attack on Monday... which I'm counting on.

On Monday (or possibly Wednesday, depending on time), I have to present an Ethics speech either condemning or supporting an ethical issues. I chose abortion because it's the one that I'm most passionate about. That, and I already did an anti-Euthanasia paper for a Criminal Law class (when I was still thinking about becoming a lawyer) a few years ago. I think I have enough material to make it through the required 3-4 minutes of my argument against abortion, thanks to my friends on twitter who sent me a slew of great links. The only part I'm dreading is the questions portion because there's this guy in the class, who is sincerely disliked by a number of classmates, who is a pain in the tush and one of the rudest people I've met. I tend to be painfully shy when I'm in a classroom full of people I don't know (and ONLY when it's in a classroom setting) so I'm easy prey for the guy. I think he's already singled me out, too. The girl who gets up to make a speech and has an bright pink/red blush... yeah, that's me. I'm trying to keep positive thoughts about it, though. I will definitely say a prayer to St. Dymphna for a calm, anxiety-free mind, and to St. Thomas Aquinas - patron saint of students and philosophers. I'll let y'all know how it goes.

Before I end this blog (despite having more to talk about), I want to ask y'all a little favor. My dad is leaving on business tomorrow and we're not sure when he's coming back. He's going down to Mexico where there has been a lot of violence in the past couple of months. If y'all can say a little prayer, that he makes it back safe and sound, I'd greatly appreciate it. He and I might not always see eye-to-eye, especially when I want to go to confession and/or Mass and he refuses to take me, but he's still my dad and I don't want to see anything bad happen to him.

Alright, that's it for now. Part two is coming soon. I still need to write about soon-to-be attending a (not so) Catholic college... and the haunted dorms in said college. Fun! lol. :D

Oh, something that is fun is this video which is the greatest thing I've seen all year.


Is that enough procrastinating? lol. I think I need to go finish my Speech class (not my Ethics speech) homework. :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. Oh, and if you have anti-abortion/pro-life links please send them my way! :D
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History of World Religions, Religious Studies Major.

I don't know where to start... I have so much I want to write about (but, don't worry, I won't. lol). First off, I am SO HAPPY we finally covered Catholicism and Christianity in my History of World Religions class. I have a list of all the people and saints that we covered... if I can just find it... *digs through desk drawer*... here we go:

- St. Ambrose - St. Augustine of Hippo - St. Benedict of Nursia - St. Francis of Assisi - St. Clare of Assisi - St. Dominic - St. Catherine of Siena - Pope Gregory I (The Great) - Pope Gregory XI - Pope Urban VI - St. Augustine of Kent/Canterbury - St. Thomas Aquinas - St. Anselm of Canterbury - St. John of the Cross - St. Teresa of Avila (WHOO!) - St. Ignatius of Loyola - St. Francis Xavier.

All those people/saints were covered in only 7 pages. I was super excited to have to learn a little bit more about them for a class! It reaffirmed my belief that I am supposed to be a Religious Studies major. :D I had to compare Martin Luther, John Calvin, King Henry VIII, and St. Ignatius of Loyola for my Christianity paper. Guess which I wrote more about; which one I knew more about. :D Man, I LOVE this class. :D

We're currently doing the last religion we'll learn about (I think), which is Islam. We have a big research paper due in like 2 weeks and I was originally going to do it on Christianity, Judaism, and Buddhism but now I'm going to switch Buddhism for Islam because I think it'll be easier (since they believe in God). I still don't know if I'll focus on the sacred texts or the art but it's one of those. It'll be interesting.

All of this that I have been learning has really made me think about what I'm going to do when it comes to my Religious Studies major. I'm at the point where I have to decide, once and for all, where I'll be attending next Fall to finish my Bachelor's degree. I have to do it this week because I have to make sure my Winter session and Spring semester classes are exactly what I'll need (also, to basically get more credits done at a cheaper cost, lol). I''m still undecided whether to go to a state university (where I'll have to learn about different religions) or go back to my private college (where I'll focus mainly on Catholicism). I would rather go to a Catholic university/college but, really, it all comes down to the tuition. Since I'm in charge of all my educational costs, I have to really think about the debt and whatnot once I graduate. I am completely torn on what to do so I'll hopefully get some advice from Fr. Stan. I've already called to make an appointment so now I'm just waiting for him to call me back and set the day when I can go in and ask. I've tried to figure it out on my own, and have even prayed about it, but all that I've come up with is going to a priest and asking his advice.

I don't think my decision would be so hard if I wasn't planning on (eventually) becoming a teacher. See, I have my plans. If I don't make it as an author or wedding planner, I want to be an elementary school teacher. I love kids and I love teaching them things. I think I'd do a good job. Because of this, and because I'd want to teach at a Catholic school... well, it makes me think twice about what school I'll get my degree from. Hopefully Fr. Stan will be able to help me figure it out a bit.

Well, that's it. I had more planned but I just started getting these stomach cramps and I'm not feeling too well so I'm going to call it a day. Hopefully it isn't serious... and that I won't have to go to the Emergency Room.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D
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It's Fall? Nooo.; (Great!) Anxiety Update; Be Like a Child.

It's definitely NOT Fall in Southern California. At least not in my neck of the woods. When I was on my way home from English Lit, the sign read 99 degrees Fahrenheit. It's slightly cooler where I live (campus is in a different suburb/district) but it's still well over 90 degrees. When my group rehearsed for our upcoming Shakespeare skit, we had to seek shade after about 2 minutes in the sun... it's that unbearable. We had to look for a shade before we could continue with our plan to make the entire class laugh. :D

And while I'm on the topic of the skit... I'm SO EXCITED for it. Again, not just because we get to dress up one of the guys as a girl. (It's gonna take a lot for me not to laugh the way we have it planned. lol.) :D A few months ago I would've dreaded doing this and would've probably done all I could to get out of it. Not so much now. I truly think St. Dymphna has really interceded for me in a big way. That and the Lord showed His mercy on me, after all those times I would ask Him in mid-panic attack (while sobbing) to help me understand why I would get that sick. At the beginning of the year, until probably around mid-late July, anything would trigger a panic attack. It was very bad. I'd say it's the worst time I've had since I first started getting the symptoms (when I was 15). When I started cognitive-behavioral therapy, my anxiety actually got a bit worse before it got better, mainly because I had to talk about things that upset me and it would just make me more anxious. But I'm extremely grateful I had to do it all. I'm also blessed to have a therapist who's Catholic because when I mention things like the importance of going to Mass, or praying to St. Dymphna for her intercession, she gets it. I'm so happy that I'm able to do a lot of things, including travel, that I couldn't because of my anxiety. I'm able to stand in front of people and don't freak out. It's amazing. I've been truly blessed. I won't say more because I've already written much about it. You can read more about it and about St. Dymphna (including prayers to her) in an earlier post I wrote. For the record, I keep bringing this topic up because I know a lot of people who land on my blog do so because they're looking for information regarding Catholicism and anxiety. I hope I've helped those who come in search of answers. :D

Another way I've been able to keep myself from going nutty (so much homework, not enough time. lol) is being more child like. I'm taking St. Therese of Lisieux's advice. I'm doing these little things that I hope the Lord will appreciate. I've also reverted to my pre-anxiety self -- all silly and goofy. I've gotten to the point where I see absolutely no reason why I should stress over little things I used to wig out about. I've started singing and dancing around my room and the living room, like I used to when I was younger. It's the way I shake stress off. I'm not being childish but I'm just doing simple little things that make me happy. And from that happiness, I get more excited about praying and about my faith. It all works out. :D

Alright, well, I'm going to do precisely what I just said... I'm going to sing and dance in a completely dorky/silly way to get some of the stress out. I have a lot due today so I need to get happy before I can proceed. :D

I hope y'all are having a good week... and aren't in the same hot weather as I am. Oy. lol. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Excitement!, Christian Music, Rock the Cradle, and Football (Soccer) Season.

I received very exciting news today... I got re-accepted to the only college I applied to for transfer. I originally got accepted last Fall to enter this past January but illness kept me out so I had to re-apply to get re-accepted. I had a bunch of problems this time around -- most likely because there are so many applicants to enter in the Fall. I submitted all my transcripts and other things almost 2 months ago (would've been 2 months in 2 days) but they had problems getting it into the system and didn't get a decision up until early today (it's still Thursday here). I actually got a call from my new counselor to tell me the news because I'd been bugging me about my admission status for a while now. Haha. Well, I am relieved that I will have a place to continue my Religious Studies education. I'm so happy that I'll be able to focus on Catholicism and take courses such as "Spiritual Journey of Women." It just feels like I'm going in the right direction and I am sure it'll help me further along with my writing. And, speaking of writing, I'll also be studying Creative Writing (which is my minor) so I'm lucky that I can study what I truly love. :D I am already thinking about my senior thesis, although it's 2 years until I get there but I have an idea of what I want my thesis to be about. Hint, it involves St. Teresa of Avila, St. John of the Cross and St. Augustine amongst other saints.

I will also be able to take music courses if I like. I love music. Plain as that. I've loved music since I was a baby. In fact, I carried around a toy guitar because I wanted a real one but was too little for it. I've explored almost every genre known to man but I've felt more connected to classical and jazz. I came into those on my own, without anyone introducing me to those genres. Lately I've been exploring a bit of Christian music, which I've felt a bit uncomfortable with before. I don't know why I just couldn't really get into it before. Then came along Mute Math and Britt Nicole and I've been slowly exploring other artists. I don't know why I was hesitant to give it a try before. I still don't like all the artists I come across but that's natural in every genre. I don't love all jazz artists though I do a majority of it. I can't sit through some classical songs. I've re-discovered some artists which I didn't know where Christian in the first place and I am digging it. lol. If anyone has other artist they'd like to recommend, please leave me a comment with the names.

And, speaking a bit more about music... I just watched the first episode of MTV's "Rock the Cradle." Now, I don't like MTV because we all know what kinds of shows are on there and how some of them are just... *shudders*. I tuned it mainly because I was curious to see the offspring of different artists perform. I was impressed with some... not so much with others. I LOVED Lucy Walsh and Crosby Loggins. Lucy deserved her score but I felt Crosby should've taken the top spot. I loved his voice and thought the Elvis Costello song was a great choice for him. If either don't win this thing, I won't be a happy camper. If I tune to that *shudders* channel again, it'll only be to watch an episode of this show and once it's over, good luck trying to get me to watch it again.

One more thing for I end this entry (it's past midnight and I still have a few things to do before I fall asleep)... I am SO happy that the MLS Season has finally started. Last week was the first week of this season and poor L.A. Galaxy crashed and burned. To be fair, Landon Donovan and Becks hadn't had much time to rest from international duty so it was understandable why they didn't do too well. The rest of the team... they lacked hustel. Carlos Ruiz did well but ended up getting injured when that idiot took him down (he's now out for 4-6 weeks). Last night's game... SO MUCH better. It was the Galaxy that I missed seeing. We totally deserved to win this game and am happy Becks and Landon got their goals. In this house, there's only 2 Galaxy players we honestly root for -- Becks and Landon. I also like Gordon and Klein but Becks and Landon are the only ones dad and I agree on.

It's the same with Liverpool -- we can only agree on two players: Gerrard and Torres. Dad's a Crouch fan, I'm a massive Agger fan. We both think Babel's good but sometimes we aren't too sure about him. Give us the rest of this season to make our decision. And, speaking of my Red men... I am so glad they got that away goal at Arsenal during the first leg of the Champions League quarterfinals. I am hoping and will definitely pray that they advance to the semi's and final. If there's one competition I look forward to the most at the beginning of this season, it's the Champions League. The Premier League's great too but the CL is my favorite because you get the top teams of other European leagues as well. Does anyone know the patron saint of sports or athletes? I've always wanted to know but haven't quite figured out.

Alright, well, it's nearly half past midnight and need to read a couple of pages in St. Teresa's autobiography among other things. I have a pretty early day today so, I need to get to bed as soon as I possibly can.

Thanks for reading and God Bless!

The Daily Breakfast; Hours at Clinic = Sheer Boredom.

I actually woke up late to go to the first clinic so, meh, will have to go tomorrow. Totally not my fault -- my alarm just didn't go off and without it, I sleep through almost anything. lol. Since I woke up late and didn't have my doctor's appointment at the other clinic (both are for different things) until 2 p.m., I got online and watched Fr. Roderick do a live recording of The Daily Breakfast on uStream. It was a lot of fun to watch, and participate, in the pre-recording of it. We get a chance to interact with other fans, and with Fr. Roderick, by using the chatroom. I got a kick when he mentioned a few things I typed into the chatroom. Oh, the technology! A few years ago that wouldn't have been possible but with technology now, almost anything is possible. :D Anyhoo, if you haven't checked out one of this podcasts, I would definitely recommend it. I'm subscribed to a few on iTunes so I never miss an episode (which are made on an almost daily basis). You can check out all different types of Catholic related podcasts he and others make at SQPN.

Moving from something awesome to something that's pretty awesome but freaking boring... I did make it to my second doctor's appointment but I was there from 1:50 p.m. and I didn't get home until a few minutes 'til 7 p.m. *hits forehead with palm* It was sooooo boring towards the end. It was awesome for the first hour because the doctor deemed me (besides the cold... yes, it's a cold like I suspected) completely healthy. I'm even back at my normal weight from before I got sick so... whoo. Haha. I do feel dizzy and all but she says it's still because of the stress and anxiety I had last year. Meh! That is why I'm going to the other clinic tomorrow -- because they specialize in stress and anxiety issues. Hopefully I won't have to wait hours like I did at today's clinic. Anyway, waiting in line just to get medication was a pain in my tush! It's worth it but, oy! At least I did manage to make some people laugh in line. :D Oh yes, I was back to my old dorky self and I made quite a few people laugh. Apparently I'm witty. *shrugs* I made two little kids giggle too, which always makes my day. Little kids laughing has to be one of the sweetest things you'll ever experience. :D Oh, and something that I managed to do... I found out who was Catholic simply by saying I was going to get home and ask St. Anthony to help me find a paper I need. The few people who laughed totally got what I meant (St. Anthony is the patron saint of lost things). Whoo! lol.

Another bummer thing... I KNEW I was going to miss the postman who was bringing me a book I ordered on Catholicism. I KNEW IT! I told my dad early in the morning, "With my luck, I'll have to go to the post office tomorrow to pick it up because I won't be home to receive it." And that is exactly what happened. I did get a Netflix movie (6 HOURS and 4 minutes -- yikes!) on the life and work of St. Teresa of Avila but no book. Hmph. Well, at least I got something. Still, I love getting mail so having to wait longer... not so good. lol.

I have a lot more to write -- including big plans/news I'm going to unleash into the world this weekend -- but it'll all have to wait until I am feeling better. I feel fine... just sooo sleepy (I've only slept a few hours in the past 48 hours), my eyelids are about to close. So, I'm going to snuggle up with my pillow and blanket and hope to have one of those awesome saint dreams. For now... thanks for reading and God Bless.

Books, Ignoring Joy Behar and Sketching Our Lady.

Someone take my credit card away, fast! lol. I have become addicted (okay, not completely but getting there) to browsing for books and buying them if they are something I want. Okay, fine, I've only bought 2 but still... I have a feeling I will buy more if given the chance. Ack! I have been on amazon.com and abebooks.com quite a bit lately but it's mostly because I am selling my old textbooks that I no longer need. While I'm there, I look for books I want. I have exercised some serious self-control but, being a bibliophile, it's really hard for me not to get any more... especially when I'm going to have another 8-9 months off from school! Ack! lol. Thankfully, all books have been worth it (one was the autobiography of St. Theresa of Avila, the other was on Catholicism as a whole) so it's not like I am spending on mindless dribble. Still... someone needs to come over and pry the card out of my little hands. lol. I've also been looking at getting a Claddagh ring but that's a whole different story. lol.

So, I saw on the Global Roman Catholic facebook group (link is on the right side for those who wish to join in) a link to this quote that Joy Behar said on The View. This woman, who was raised Roman Catholic, said "Saints were psychotic and advances in modern medicine have essentially wiped them off the planet." Though it was meant to be a "joke" (oh yeah, I'm laughing here... not!), it was still uncalled for. This isn't the first time she's said something offensive about the church either. I understand the freedom of speech and all but is it really necessary to attack the Catholic church? I don't think so. All she did was tick people off. Whatever. I'm just going to ignore everything she says because she obviously doesn't know jack. It's people like her, saying comments like these, which made me become more moderate-conservative than I was (I used to consider myself a bit more liberal). I could get into this whole debate about this topic but I'm just going to ignore it and her from now on. Not worth my time anymore.

I woke up feeling very groggy and dizzy again today -- for no reason -- so I prayed the Rosary and asked St. Jude to give me a sign as to what I should do to at least get my mind off of how I was feeling (which was horrible!). At first I decided to clean the St. Jude statues we have, the one of Our Lady of Guadalupe, and a Crucifix. That was done pretty quickly so I decided to take out my sketching pad and I just started sketching Our Lady of Guadalupe. I sat at the edge of my bed, while I was watching re-runs of Degrassi TNG on The N, and I would look at two of the pictures of her in my room. It took me about an hour (I wanted to it get done as well as I could) but I finally got it done -- down to the littlest details. The one thing I am not very good at is sketching people, so I was surprised that it wasn't completely terrible. I still have a few more things to add (I'm trying to sketch something personal) but I'll, hopefully, upload and share it on this blog as soon as I'm done. I do my best work with actual paint so maybe I'll try it again another time. Still, the time it took me to draw her and also clean really helped me feel better so it was actually all good. Hopefully I will be able to continue it tomorrow, especially if I feel as bad as I did today. :D

Alright, well, I want to go see the "Pope John Paul II" DVD I got from Netflix a week ago. I should probably send it back soon as I can get through my extremely long list of films I want to watch. So, for now, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Big Brother, Post Office Mayhem, and Semester Abroad.

Today was a very happy day because my big brother came to pay a surprise visit. It was funny; just as my dad was leaving and walking out the door, my bro just popped up and said hi. Heehee. He also came bearing gifts from his holiday vacation in Mexico. He spent a few weeks visiting family out there. It's always nice to hear how everyone's doing 'cause I haven't been out there since I was about 12 years old. He says that, unfortunately, it's getting worse in terms of crime and police violence. It's so sad to hear that because (where my dad's from) it's such a quaint little town with the most beautiful church and town square. Sounds like we should avoid visiting, though, because it's not safe. Hopefully things will get better when/if I decide to go visit my dad's side of the family. It's incredibly sad that we don't just hear about what's going from family; we hear it on the news all the time. :( Let's just hope the little town doesn't super crowded with people (at least, not bad people) like a certain post office I know.

I don't know what's going on with the post office. Last October, I had an invite (from the U.K.) to an event but it arrived a month after the event. I should probably mention that it was sent in advance, too. One of my best friends, who's also in the U.K., sent me a Christmas card and it's been 3 weeks and I haven't gotten anything. That's not all. Last month (and the month before) we didn't get our mail delivered for weeks and I'd have to call and complain. I hate being a hassle but I had important things like bills that needed to be paid. The person in charge of mail distribution got to know me very well from all the calling I did. lol. They were never mad at me for doing it, which is good. If you want to go to the post office near my home it's better to do it mid-morning when there's no people because it gets PACKED very early and in the afternoon. I had to send some packages today and the line was to the door and then it looped around a bit. It was insane. It didn't help that it was freezing outside. Luckily I was dressed warm enough not to stand there shaking but, oy! It's always a nightmare going there because of the long lines. I have to go back tomorrow (oh yes, more packages to send) and I am not exactly looking forward to it. Hopefully I can go earlier... and this time I won't wear my stiletto boots. I only had them on for about 30 minutes but my feet aren't too happy with me. lol. I'm not used to heels (haven't worn any since New Year 2007) but those boots are so warm... I made the sacrifice. lol.

Another sacrifice I will be making in a couple of months... leaving my beloved Queen sized bed for a semester abroad. Oh, dear comfy bed, I shall miss you. lol. It's going to be completely worth it, though. I am mostly likely going to head out to Europe (I still have to choose a school and let them know a.s.a.p.) It looks like I'm mostly likely going to head out to Rome because of my major (Religious Studies with an emphasis on Catholicism). I am going to have to brush up on my Italian -- and learn some self defense, lol -- but being that close to the Vatican is going to be worth it. I was actually planning on going out there once I graduated but now I have the perfect opportunity/excuse to go beforehand so... Score! lol. I also want to take a trip up to Assisi while I'm out there. I'm now a little too excited now. lol. I think I'm going to go do a happy dance so I'm going to end this blog now.

Hope everyone's keeping warm. Thanks for reading and God Bless.