Resignation to God's Will and Survival

Wow. It's been two weeks since the last blog post. I don't think I've gone so long without writing a blog post since my father's death in 2009. If you're not following me on Twitter or any other social media platform than you might've not known that I was in extreme, crazy study mode for the past two weeks. I had three final exams over 4 days, the last two of which I did this morning. I'm behind on sending a friend Advent meditations (oops!). I have a lot of email content to get through from the past couple of days. I've been posting novena reminders later than I would've liked. I've just been really busy with studying for exams and the last couple of assignments to finish. However, I'm done... and I'm back!

I have my final grades already. I didn't fail single class though I will have to repeat two because of a B- or better policy that my school's program has. Yes, even though I was about 3% away from that B- (in the class in which a classmate plagiarized her part of the group research paper and sunk all the group members' grades), I still have to repeat it. It's okay. I'm at peace about the whole thing which, I believe, is a continuation of possibly having (finally!) learned to have complete trust and total surrender to God's will. I didn't get to study as much as I would've liked because I was constantly reminded that I needed to slow down and take care of myself in the days leading up to the finals. I slept 10 hours yesterday and had a bunch of stuff to do so I had little study time and I still managed an 81% of today's exam. Basically, I did what I could, I stopped relying solely on what I could do, and I trusted that I would pass the exams if it was God's will for me to continue down this path. I have to say, the results were pretty awesome. 

I could've gotten better grades and passed the two classes I have to retake but I've resigned myself to the idea that I did the best that I could under the circumstance and for that I'm glad. I didn't ask to have an acute kidney injury nor to have 3 heart holsters fitted during the semester. I didn't ask to have all the medical issues I had for the first couple of weeks of the semester, which manifested in the horrid symptom of intense fog, making it impossible to memorize the terms for and concentrate on the first couple of exams. I could be angry about what happened with the plagiarism and blame the classmate but I've chosen not to. Yes, it's completely unfair to be penalized for something I didn't do. Yes, it's going to push back my graduation date for another 6 to 12 months longer than anticipated. Yes, I'm going to have to chance my plans. However, I firmly believe that everything happened for a reason and therefore I'm just going to go with the flow. Things will work out for the best in God's time; I've done all I could do on my end. Next semester I'm doing 2 courses (and will continue the 2-course per semester pattern through graduation) I have to retake and just focus on those because of the amount of memorization it requires. 

The old me would've been stressed out because I have to repeat two courses... which means more student loans... which means it'll take longer for me to begin working. The current me is saying "thank goodness I'm going to have two courses I'm already familiar with and I'm glad the professor for one course will let me submit all the work I did this semester for next semester." The current me is more excited about the fact that I can enjoy the rest of Advent with a mental peace I've been aching for since the semester began. I'm not thinking about long term goals. I'm no longer feeling a little ashamed and pathetic for not finishing school when I wanted. I no longer feel like I have to prove myself and what I'm capable of doing (mentally). I'm not comparing myself to others. I'm letting my natural optimistic side take over. Optimism and resignation to God's will is a great combo for me. :)

Anyway, I just wanted to share this little (ha!) update since I had the time to blog. I only slept 4 hours last night so I think I should go take a nap before it gets later and the nap then interrupts my sleeping schedule, which is already of whack.  If there are terrible typos or missing words... I have the lack of sleep as my excuse. ;) I hope to blog more often now that I have an entire month free before the Spring semester begins. Yay! Oh, I'll be writing about my plans soon. ;)

I hope everyone had a lovely weekend! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Freedom!!... Sort Of.

Hello everyone! No, I didn't forget about y'all. Yes, there were a couple of times when I wanted to write but couldn't. Why? Final project (a 3-week Bible study on the Davidic kingdom covenant), lots of reading, a couple of weekly exams, and then the final exam, which I literally finished 8-9 minutes before it was due last night. Basically, if I could study instead of doing something else, I chose to study. That means I had to decline on a couple of outings, I didn't do much reading for fun, and I was basically glued to the kitchen chair (I study best at the kitchen table). Now I understand why people would tell me that I would no longer have a life once I started grad school. Still, I am done for the next two weeks... sort of.

While I do have a two week break between the end of the Spring quarter (yesterday) and the beginning of the Summer quarter (June 27th), I have a lot of reading to do to prepare for the class. I think it's almost 100 pages or so before then? I already purchased all the books I'll need and I'm going to tackle the readings... next week. I just want to have this week to catch up on sleep and maybe watch some of my favorite Hallmark movies on Feeln. Did I mention I was warned that grad school would mean I'd kiss my free time goodbye? lol.

Even though I don't have much of a break between quarters (the longest is about 3 or 4 weeks in the winter), I've found the program to be very rewarding. My spiritual life has grown in ways I never anticipated. Yes, the program is intense and rigorous; it's not for the faint of heart. They want us to know these things like the back of our hands, which means a lot of reading, a lot of memorizing, and a lot of hard work. I have to get started on paper/projects weeks before they are due. I have to stay on top of the assigned readings, the lecture videos, and the quizzes every week or else I'm doomed. The comprehensible exams at the end are still slightly panic inducing.

Last night, before I took my final exam, I had this moment where I had a mini breakdown in confidence. "What am I doing in this program? I can't do this! Stupid anemia makes it hard for me to remember anything. How am I going to remember anything from weeks ago when I could barely remember when I took those quizzes that same week (or the week after)?!" I quickly looked up the website of the local school that offers an 18-month program to get me back into the SLP field; I was that discouraged. Then I remembered that this was most likely some sort of spiritual attack. I'd been fine before it. In fact, I had never been so sure that this was the path God wants me to take... up until the final exam. Not even the 10 total hours of revision and exam-taking helped.

I had a conversation with God half an hour before I took the exam. I broke down in tears as I said, "I can't do this, God. I can't remember these things. I tried. I tried my hardest and I can't remember most of what I studied. This anemia is just kicking me down. I slept almost 10 hours today and yesterday. I'm exhausted. I can't concentrate. I can't remember. I need Your help. I'm weak but You aren't. You're going to have to do this for me because I just... I can't. I can't do this by myself. If this is the path You want me to take, You're going to have to help me out. If I don't pass this exam... I'll look at something else. Please help me."

I prayed the prayer to St. Joseph of Cupertino. I asked the Holy Spirit and the Sacred Head of Jesus to enlighten my mind. I also bugged the Immaculate Heart of Mary, St. Thomas Aquinas, Pope St. John Paul II (my school's patron saint), Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, St. Catherine of Siena, and any saints that could intercede for me. I did better than expected on the multiple choice portion of the exam. I have no idea on how I did on the essay portion of the exam -- the hardest part of the exam. I tried. I did my best. Now to wait and see what my final grade will be. After the disaster that was the Fall quarter, I'm admittedly a little nervous because a low grade will disqualify me from the program.

As someone who has struggled with academic pride in the past, last night was a wonderful lesson in humility and a reminder that I can't do things without the help of God. I'm not Superwoman. I'm weak. I need God to help me often. I still have a long way to go in the humility department; something I think many of us will struggle with in one form or another for most of our lives since pride is such an easy sin to fall into. Thankfully, God reminded me that He's there for me when I feel beaten down. I can do all things through Him... and He'll be there when I feel like I can't go further.

Okay, I'm going to keep rambling on so I'm going to stop here. lol.

I hope to write daily (or almost daily) during my break. We'll see how many topics my little fried brain can come up with. lol.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to try to finish a book I checked out nearly 3 weeks ago and is due at the library in about 2-3 days.  I'm about 54% done with it. Hashtag: challenge accepted. ;)

I hope y'all have been well and are having a great week thus far. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Finals, Cancer Scare, and Rosary Novenas

... And I'm officially back! Sorry it's taken me nearly a week after finals to return to the blogging world but I have good reason for it... and you might've guessed what it was from the title. First, though, an update on how the first 54 day Rosary novena has been working and how it's affected my experience at the CINO.

I know I have yet to post an entry on the novena (which I will hopefully tomorrow) but I'm going to go ahead and say that it's worked wonders. I started the first Rosary novena at the beginning of the semester because I knew that I was going to need major intercessions as long as I attend the CINO. After the first week of heck (which is explained in the upcoming post), I started to notice things changing. It wasn't an immediate change (and things are still a work in progress) but I am truly grateful for what has already changed. While before I was overwhelmed and upset with everything that was going on, I now have a little more fight in me and I am at a place where I am feeling so much better. I still don't agree with my professors but I now openly challenge them in class because I'm no longer being a Little Miss Nice Nerd. I'm sorry but when material that is clearly anti-Catholic or trying to be passed as Catholic (when it really isn't) is presented I'm going to say something. I can't sit there and allow it to happen. I sometimes wonder how things would've gone if I hadn't completed the first novena because, even though I am openly defying my professors, they're not marking me down as much as before. I actually did pretty well this semester. I managed a 3.0 which is kind of miraculous considering everything that's happened. A 4.0 is a pipe dream at that school so I glad I got the required 3.0 to keep my financial aid. Finals were the most intense thing I've ever experience in my academic career, but I came out alive. Even though I got marked down for ripping a pornographic, anti-Catholic film that we were forced to watch to shreds, I still made it out in one piece... without having to compromise my beliefs. Thank God in heaven and all the saints and angels that helped me along the way. By the way, the fact that I was dealing with a cancer scare during finals made things a little hard for me.

I'm on day 20 of the second 54 day Rosary novena and, well, things have (had?) not been going very well for me. I actually had to restart the novena (on day 15 no less) because one of my professors decided to change our last essay at the last minute and had to basically rethink my essay and do everything from scratch. That night I finished right before midnight, lost the day, and thus had to restart. Just like my "week from heck" during the first novena, the past (nearly) 3 weeks have been really hard for me. This time around, things have gotten just a little more intense but I refuse to stop praying the novena. Repressed, and deeply unpleasant, memories randomly popped up the week before finals which did not help. As soon as I was able to get the memories out and began the healing process (through more prayer) I had this cancer scare. So during finals I was pretty depressed. Only one of my friends, whom I consider one of my closest, knew what was going on because I don't like worrying people. I actually didn't mention the scare to my friends or anyone until I a few days before my doctor's appointment (which was yesterday) and that was because I was so nervous and panicked that I really needed prayers. Because of the kind of scare that I was going through, I reached out to my girlfriends first because they are amazing women and I knew that they would have an idea (or could imagine) what I was feeling. The night before my appointment I was still a little panicky so I took to twitter where we Catholics have become pretty good online friends.

I won't lie and say that I wasn't fearing the worse but hoping for the best. After having gone through 7 years of my father's fight with colon cancer and seeing him die from the disease last year, it's no wonder why I was so scared of potentially having cancer. I've cried more these past 2-3 weeks than I have all year and things just felt horrible this week while waiting for the doctor's appointment. I was ready and prepared to do what God wanted, even if that meant that the worse case scenario would happen, but I was still terrified. Through the prayers of my friends, and through the second Rosary novena I'm doing, I felt nervous but more accepting of things. Like I said, I had resigned myself to whatever God's will was. After the doctor told me that it wasn't a cancerous tumor (though it is a benign tumor) I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and thanked God that it wasn't cancer. I actually imagined St. Therese of Lisieux and her mother, Blessed Zelie Martin, at either side of me as the doctor made his diagnosis and I'm glad I did it because it kept me from breaking down into tears. We don't always understand why we go through things until they are over and this experience was no exception. Though it may be too soon to say that my theory is right, I do believe that I have gone through everything for specific reasons.

I believe the stress of finals (and of the semester) needed to happen because I needed to strengthen myself, spiritually, more. After dad's death I went through a period where I wasn't completely apathetic but I definitely felt numb. I never lost my faith and love of God but I didn't feel the same way as before. Everything I've gone through the past couple of months have reawakened those feelings in me and I truly grateful for that. I believe the repressed memories came up because I needed to really deal with them. I am afraid I can't say what they were about as I'm terribly private about certain things but I will say that it was something that needed to be dealt with so that I could truly move on and be ready for my vocation without any reservations. Believe it or not, the cancer scare also helped me realize that I am truly ready to become a wife and mother as soon as God sends the right man my way. It took all these things to help me both reevaluate my priorities and also put me back on the track that I was on prior to my dad's death. I've snapped out of all the worries and I'm back, baby. lol. ;) Because I've finally snapped out of the funk, have 4 more weeks of vacation, and said "adios" to the blog writer's block, expect more blog entries from me. Sorry. lol. :D

I have to go finish an online game for review *gasp*, as well as a couple of books that will also be reviewed on this blog, so I should get going. I hope everyone is having a great week thus far. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D



P.S. I've posted some back entries from October until now that I hadn't before so please check them out. :D

Insight When You're Not Looking for It

I can honestly say that I now get the whole "too nice" and "too hard on self" comments I've gotten over the years. This insight has come during the most stressful time... studying for my worse subject's final.

I should clear up a couple of things. First of all... I don't actually hate math. I quite enjoy it, and I've been mostly teaching myself math for as long as I can remember. I do have the occasional tutor (shout out to Joe of Verbum Veritatis who's driven an hour out to where I live just to tutor me on whatever I don't get), but I mostly do things on my own. I did this during high school when I did independent study and I passed my math classes with flying colors. I don't know if I returned to school too soon after my father's death, if it's my ongoing anxiety/panic disorder, or if the many years between classes left me nervous... but something caused me to completely blank out during the on-ground exams. (side note: I am taking an 8 week Intermediate Algebra course that is considered a hybrid course -- I take exams in person and turn in homework online.) While I am doing very well on the online work (both homework and tests), I cannot figure out why I blank out during the exams. I've never had test anxiety (for any subject, including math) before so it's a little unnerving. It's really frustrating when you know the material, and well, yet when it comes time to actually doing the exam... nada. I've come out of several exams either excited because I knew the material and thought I did very well (only to have that confidence crushed like a bug) or I come out sobbing because I get so frustrated over the outcome of the exams. I mean, I go over the practice exams about 10 minutes before the actual exam and I KNOW the material. I don't understand why this is all happening... but it's been giving me some insight I wasn't expecting.

This whole semester has been a huge blow to my confidence as a student. While I did very well on half of my courses, two I didn't do well on... the ones where I had to actually attend campus for the lectures. Philosophy, well, though I'm sure I passed that one (based on past exams and papers written), I didn't do as well as I hoped because of my on-going "fight" with the professor. If he decides to give me something like a B or C, I'll gladly take it because at least then I know that I didn't have to compromise my beliefs just to get a high grade. I did as well as I could (as much as I could) knowing that the professor would mark down my papers because of our clashing beliefs. That one isn't such a huge blow as math... and only because math is the one in which I am not getting a grade based on the professor's beliefs, though I'm sure the professor doesn't like me either.

I do admit that I had NO real help from my math professor. Whenever I tried to talk to him about my problem, he was very dismissive of it. When I told him that the computer had changed my answers on a test, "not my problem. Even if you show the work, I can't give you points." At the end (as in a couple of days ago) when I went to a counselor who basically chewed him out after I present him proof, he wanted to help. Yeah, a little late there, buddy. Now I'm in the dilemma that I never thought I'd find myself in... if I don't pass the final, I don't pass the class. If by some miracle I don't blank out and i do pass the final... depending on what the percentage is determines whether or not I pass the class.

While working on the last couple of homework problems, something hit me... maybe I'm not meant to pass the class. Maybe this is all supposed to be some humbling experience for me since I've always been extremely confident about my success as a student. As I wrote a couple of entries ago (which I have yet to publish) maybe my failing this class (thus limiting my choices of where to transfer) is all part of God's plan for me. He knows I've overworked myself to the point where I've spent 12 hours a day just doing math... but maybe, if I don't pass this class, it's all going to be for some reason.

As I said in the beginning, while I am not looking for any insight regarding anything, I've been getting it. Yesterday, I got to put my saying "no" to the test. As my friends know, I don't like saying "no" to people when ask me for favors. When I do say I can't do something, a few people know that they can get me to do it with guilt trips. If I upset someone, or see them unhappy over something, I give in... even if I know it's selfish of them to do it. I just don't like disappointing anyone. Yesterday, I had to put my foot down on something (a Christmas party I was guilted into agreeing to; "you'll hurt my feelings if you don't go") because I wanted to study. Of course, the guilt trips started but I held firm to my decision. It occurred to me that this happened quite often -- that I've let my wanting to help others and/or make others happy while neglecting my own wants/needs. Taking care of my own needs (in this case, trying to come out of Intermediate Algebra alive and relatively sane) has pointed things like this (giving into others' requests) to me. I love helping other, and or even simply making them happy, but I have noticed that people really take advantage of that.

I've also become well aware of what at least 4 priests have told me... I'm too hard on myself. Failing my on-ground exams, I automatically cry because I am angry at myself for blanking out and/or not remembering certain equations. Lately, I've also been really hard on myself regarding my dad. For some reason, I've started being really angry at myself because I feel like I didn't do enough for my dad... as if there was something I could to save him. Many hours have been spent crying lately due to this. I get it Fr. Leo (R.I.P.), Fr. Alexander, Fr. James, and new priest whose name I didn't catch -- I am certainly too hard on myself, even when I know things are beyond my control. This is something that will go on my New Years Resolutions list.

See what God shows you when you are least expecting it? I'm grateful for this insight, especially right now, because things were (pardon my language) sucking for me. I've spent weeks in a very depressive mood that not even my best friends have been able to get me out of. Am I still mourning over dad's death (which I am clearly not over; I still cry whenever I talk about how he passed away) or did the second half of the year just finally catch up with me with the rest of the stress I've been under lately? I guess only time will tell. All I know is that all this insight has actually made me loosen up a bit about school... and it's helping me grow as a person, which is great.

Wow, I did not anticipate to write this long so I will stop shortly. If you've read this far, congrats... you might be the only one. lol. I hope to have more (possibly shorter) blogs soon. I have 4 I've written in the past two weeks (really good ones, too... ones that people might not expect from me) but they'll have to wait until finals are over on Sunday.

I guess that's it for now. I've got a slightly raised temperature that I want to take care of before I continue my battle with math homework. 693 problems (not counting extras I've done, the practice exams, and the actual exams) in 8 weeks... WHO does that? Oh right, my professor. lol.

I hope everyone had a great week thus far! As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Final Exams; Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati's Intercession; And... Break!

First post as a 24 year-old. I actually do feel different (and I have to mention this because I've been asked) but I'm not entirely sure it's in a good way. I've been going through a sort of funk lately. I feel disjointed... not at all like myself. I haven't been acting very like myself, either. It's hard with everything that's going on. I've tried staying very optimistic but there are people who just LOVE to rain on my parade. One minute I'm okay, joking and acting normal (well, normal for me), and the next I'm completely bummed out because someone has to dampen my spirits. The whole thing has me on a roller coaster of emotions, which I hate. It's completely unhealthy, which is why I'm going to take a mini-vacation starting tonight. More on that later.

For everyone who is beginning their finals or about to take them, I say GOOD LUCK to y'all. I just did my English final this morning. We were supposed to do it next Monday and the professor acknowledged that she messed up the dates but she still made us get up early and do the final nearly a week early. A lot of my fellow classmates were on the verge of ganging up on her. I'm pretty sure she heard me say that we should protest. lol. Well, that's one less final I have to worry about. I have my final Speech assignment due tonight. My Philosophy of World Religions course (which, as I wrote for my final assignment, made me extremely proud to be Roman Catholic -- I'm in the right religion. lol) is having the final on Friday. My final exam will be for my Philosophy of Ethics course and that's next Monday. I will then hand in my pro-life/anti-abortion research paper. I combined the speech I wrote earlier in the semester against abortion and I added more things to it -- including snippets from mini interviews I did with various people. I'm very proud of it. :D It's too long to post it on here but I might add snippets of it at a later date. And for those of you who need an extra something... you can always pray for the intercession of St. Joseph of Cupertino (patron saint of exam takers; students) and St. Thomas Aquinas. Go again and click the link, it has the prayers you need. :D

Now onto something I'm going to ask y'all to help me out with. As I've written before, Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati has had a great, positive impact on me. Today (actually, at 5 P.M. PST), his niece, Wanda Gawronska, and the founder of FrassatiUSA, Christine Wohar, will be speaking on him on EWTN Live. Uh, I'm so watching it. lol. I still have the book reviews on the books his sister has written which I hope to post as soon as I finish my finals. So what exactly do I need help with? Well, I've decided to ask for Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati's intercession for my father. If we get the miracle, I am willing to report it and further the cause for his canonization. I've been thinking about it for some time now and something finally clicked to do it. So, if y'all can please help me out by praying for his intercession, I'd greatly appreciate it. The doctors are giving dad 8-9 months to live... and that's without the chemotherapy which they are delaying way too much. (I'm currently in a fight with them over the chemo which they are refusing to give him.) I just want my dad to be around long enough to walk me down the aisle when I get married (someday in the future...). If you're in, please let me know.

Alright, I think that's enough for now. Going back to my mini-vacation thing... except for online exams and assignments I have to do, I will be M.I.A. from the 'net. Sometimes I say that but then come back 2-3 days later. Not this time. I am serious about praying for dad so I am going to remove me from the online world (as well as giving up a few things I love for a couple of months) and just dedicating myself to prayer and reflection for the next week. I also need re-evaluate a couple of things (and friendships) in my life. I'm going to make the most of this time... and I'll be able to since I'm ready for my exams and therefore unstressed. I'll be back next Wednesday.

So, that's it. I'm going to go watch the Daily Mass and then Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati special on EWTN. :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
.

So Happy: Mission Almost Complete, Anointing of the Sick.

I am so happy, I could burst. I'm honestly ready to bounce off the walls and do back to back cartwheels but I won't. I'm still studying for finals (I have an entire novel to read by tomorrow morning. FUN!) and won't have time to do all of it until everything is done. I have done little happy dances, though. :D

"So, why are you a little ball of excitement? Where is this happiness coming from?" you may ask me. The answer is simple: Part of my mission has been completed! :D What mission? Well, if you've been reading this blog for a while now, you've seen me mention that my ultimate goal is to get both of my parents back to the Church, which (especially) means they'd have to go to confessions and receive the Eucharist. Today, one of my parents has taken that step... and I couldn't be any happier! I have prayed and wished for this moment for a couple of years now.

Originally, Fr. Juan was supposed to come just to give my dad the Anointing of the Sick. I set this ball in motion last week. I mentioned to my mom that we should probably do this, especially since my dad's been expressing an interest in prayer and attending Mass lately. Today, Fr. Juan called and let us know he was coming later in the day. I casually mentioned that dad hadn't gone to confessions or received the Eucharist in about 40 years. We both agreed to not push him (dad) but Fr. Juan would come prepared just in case.

After I greeted Fr. Juan and gave dad a few encouraging words about how it would be great if he would confess but that I'd understand if he didn't want to. I only said the second part (about not being upset if he didn't confess) because I could see dad starting to put up a "fight" against confessing. I went to my room and prayed that the Holy Spirit would help my dad and that he would take the opportunity to confess. I also got my prayer card of Pope John Paul II and asked him to pray for my dad. (side note: Mom and a few friends are currently asking for his intercession for my dad. We're hoping for a miracle!) And dad finally did. He confessed and received the Eucharist. I was so overjoyed with happiness that I cried. My father has given me the best birthday present ever (though my birthday isn't technically until tomorrow). Once he received the Eucharist, Fr. Juan prayed for him and dad received the Anointing of the Sick. After all was said and done, both dad and I were grateful for everything Fr. Juan did for us. And now, I just have to get my mom to go to confessions and receive the Eucharist and my mission will be done. :D

I have been so blessed lately, I'm completely speechless. I don't deserve any of the goodness that I've been experiencing, but I am very thankful for everything. Even with my birthday "curse" messing up my plans for tomorrow, I will still consider this the best one yet! I've been looking forward to my 24th birthday for as long as I can remember (which is about from age 7 forward) but I never knew why. I hope this was the reason why. :) Oh, and I didn't even mention that I've been lucky enough to be chosen to have priority registration at my new school, for next Fall. Man, what a great way to spend my last day as a 23 year old.

Alright, well, I think that's enough for now. :D I still have to go finish reading the Tortilla Curtain by T.C. Boyle for my English Lit class. I have a research paper on it due on Monday morning at 7:30 a.m. It's cutting it short, but I read novels pretty quickly so I'm not worried. :D

I hope everyone has a great weekend! As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D


P.S. Thank you to my twitter friends who prayed for my dad during all that happened today. It means a lot to me and my family. :D

St. Pancras and St. Timothy; Final Grades; Doctor Appt.; Costumes.

It took me a while but I finally have time to post a longer blog. :D

I don't know where I should start, really. Well, I should first say a thank you to St. Timothy and St. Pancras of Rome! For those of you who have read a previous post about how St. Timothy has interceded for me, no need to tell the story over again. St. Timothy is the patron saint of digestive and intestinal disorders and illnesses. For those of you who don't know who St. Timothy is, you can find out more about him at this page. St. Pancras of Rome is the patron saint against cramps, headaches, and against perjury/false witness.

On Monday morning, the morning of my English Lit midterm exam, I woke up feeling really sick. I'd actually gone to bed feeling a bit weird but woke up early with these stomach pains and cramps. I thought it was nothing so I went back to bed. when I woke up a bit later, the pains had gotten worse... and the cramps and pains had also traveled down into my legs. I took two different kinds of teas, Chamomile then Spearmint, because they usually help out my stomach but they weren't really doing much for me. So I asked St. Pancras (though I actually say his name in Italian - San Pancrazio) and St. Timothy to please help me get better because I was going to miss my midterm. I fell asleep and woke up feeling great... but too late to make it to my midterm. For me, my health is more important than my studies (plus I have an amazing professor who's letting me take the make-up next week), so I wasn't too stressed. Anyway, as a thank you to them, I promised to mention them in the next full length post I would write... and here it is. :D Remember their names when you're having pains. Trust me, they will come through for you. :D P.S. Also, thank you to St. Thomas Aquinas and St. Joseph of Cupertino during my exams and moments of academic wigging out. lol.

Oh, and before I forget, I PASSED MY OCEANOGRAPHY FINAL EXAM! I actually did 10% better on my final than on my midterm (how did THAT happen?!). I also got my final grade for the class which was... drum roll please... AN A! WHOO! Even if the professor hadn't graded on a curve, I would've gotten an A in the class because of my final exam! I was so relieved when I found out... mostly because Math and Science are usually my worst subjects. I'm more of a Philosophy/English/Music/History type of person. Now I know that all the stressing I did last week and the week before wasn't for nothing. lol.

Other good news I received... my EEG and heart monitor results came back normal! WHOO! I had my follow up appointment earlier today and all of my results came back normal. The doctor was perplexed as to why I've had to many test done at such a young age. He said I was perfectly healthy, nothing wrong with me, so he didn't understand. I had to explain that, because of my anxiety, the therapist recommended I have all the exams due to rule out everything. So, now we can safely assume that the rapid heart beat and the other symptoms are all anxiety related. I've had quite a bit of stress-related anxiety but I know it's because of how crazy the last few weeks have been. And, thankfully, it's not the intense panic and anxiety I had a few months ago. I'll be fine once this weekend is over because I'm caught up with all my work and I only have 3 classes to worry about for the next month and a half. :D Oh, that reminds me... I need a massage next week for the kinks and knots in my shoulders and back. lol.

Before I go (Philosophy assignments due tonight), I should mention that I do NOT have a Halloween costume ready for tomorrow. I originally did, and Rebecca from Modestia has first dibs on the pictures because she asked me on facebook, but I waited too long to get what I had planned. Now, I have to see what I can come up with from things I have at home. I have an idea but I won't share it because I'm going to wait and see if I can pull it off. I definitely had a hard time finding one that isn't too sexy or too revealing -- you know, like the majority of adult female costumes are. It's a problem most of us, who like to dress more modestly, encounter during times/events like these. You can also find out what Rebecca decided to wear by reading her blog on it.

Alright, well, Philosophy awaits. :D If I don't write a blog tomorrow, I hope everyone has a nice, safe Halloween. If it looks weird, don't eat/drink it! lol. :D

'Til next time, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

Midterms? Final? HELP!; I Love Saints!.

Sorry it's taken me nearly a week to post another blog. This is the hardest week I'll have this semester, hence the lack of updates. I have my Oceanography final tomorrow morning (WHOO-HOO!). The English Literature midterm is on Monday morning. History of Great World Religions' midterm starts this coming weekend (the 30th) but that's an essay so I'm not too worried about it. After that, normal work until finals week... with one less class to do. WHOO!!! I would do a cartwheel right now if I didn't have these giants, painful stress knots all over my back. But, it's just 3 more days until the work lessens. I've had my crazy schedule for 8 weeks so far, I think I can make it 3 more days. lol. Despite my knots and occasional stress (the next door neighbor thinks she's the only one who lives in the area -- such loud music), I am pretty mellow about my exams. I don't know why. Might be because I've worked hard so far (though, I'll admit, probably not as hard as I should've) and because I'm pretty confident I will (hopefully) pass. I'll hopefully get my Oceanography final grade sometime next week. Fingers crossed it's a good grade. The man's grading on a curve, so I'm a little worried. :D

Quick note: We've officially started the Christianity section of the History of Great World Religions class and both St. Thomas Aquinas AND St. Teresa of Avila are mentioned. WHOO! :D

Have I mentioned how much I LOVE saints? I truly do. Last night, I was feeling horrible -- stomach pains, feeling faint, a gross feeling; most likely because of something I ate -- so I said a little prayer, "Oh, St. Timothy, if it's something related to my stomach, please help me get over this so I can go finish my History assignments that are due tonight". A little while later, all better. :D I made it 15 minutes under the deadline. That's how close I was cutting it due to the... well, whatever it was. Also, yesterday I received the WONDERFUL news that my financial aid appeal had been approved and I will be receiving aid for my books for the rest of the year. YAY!!! :D The Novena to St. Jude totally came through for me. :D Mom seemed somewhat shocked when she told me it was very apparent that I had such a strong faith/belief in the saints and their intercessions. Not only the saints, but in prayer. I feel like this is helping me out with my ultimate mission. What my ultimate mission/goal is... you'll have to wait until my next blog because I am exhausted (5 hours of sleep), I have confessions in a little while AND I still have to plan my attack on the final exam tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to write either Monday afternoon or Tuesday. We'll see. :D

'Til next time... thanks for reading and God Bless. :D