A Week Without Social Media: Coming to Terms With My Insignificance

Just a quick note before I begin: I've decided to modify my blogging days during Lent. I'll be blogging every day, Mondays through Fridays, with the weekend off to catch up on anything left over from the week (e.g. emails). That way I don't burn myself out writing, too.

I know some of you are wondering how it's been now that I've gone a full week without social media. Has it been hard? Has it been easy? Did I crack yet? Was I able to go through with my plans to avoid social media on Sundays as well? Y'all... it's only been a week! lol. Having said that, I've had some interesting insights that may change the way I use social media from now on.

In all honesty, it's been an adjustment I've needed to get used to but it's far easier than I had anticipated. I've been using Facebook since 2004, when it was called The Facebook and you needed a college/university email to join the site (Santa Monica College alum over here). Before that, I used Myspace from their early days (2003) until about my reversion in 2006. I've been an active Twitter user since January 2008, with only a couple of months off in late 2017.

Social media has been a part of my life for my entire adult life -- nearly 16 years and counting. I was 18 years in 2003 when Myspace began. I was 19 when I joined Facebook in 2004. I joined Twitter as a 22-year-old. Basically, my late teens into early 30s have been spent using social media to communicate with others... and meet new friends. Still, it wasn't until perhaps my early to mid-20s when "Catholic Twitter" began that the addiction took hold.

I'm not blaming Catholic Twitter for my social media addiction. Enough research has been made to present us the cold, hard facts that social media and smartphone developers have purposely "brain hacked" us into becoming addicted to both. I have books I can recommend if you want to read for yourself but a quick Google search will bring up some of the articles for those who don't want or have the time to read long books on the subject.

I have so many fond memories of the OG Catholic Twitter members and of Matthew Warner compiling a list of all of few "openly Catholic" accounts on Twitter. So many of us met offline. Some of my now-best friends were people I met in those early days. Some of these people met, fell in love, and married thanks to early Catholic Twitter days. As the years passed, so many of the "OG" members have abandoned the platform because of all the drama. For those of us who were around in the early days (2008-2010), we know how much different it was then; how we miss the "golden age of Catholic Twitter."

Being away from social media this week, I was surprised at how, well, comfortable I felt without it. It was like going back home. It's sort of like when you revisit somewhere or something you used to love as a child and you have all those wonderful memories of it flooding back to you. That's how it feels.

In fact, I had this moment while praying the Rosary when these words flowed out of mind and heart. I wrote them down on a piece of paper on Saturday night because I felt they were important for me to remember later on.

"This break without social media, as well as the regular blogging, reminds me of my early reversion days; how hungry I was for the faith and for being "all in" in my relationship with God. Becoming an urban hermit is giving me a renewal of faith I haven't felt in a long time. I've been on Twitter since January '08; 11 years. I may keep my acccount as is (now) long after Lent, maybe checking my messages and replies 1-2 times a month."

It's amazing. This no social media and regular blogging has reminded me of my early reversion days (circa 2006 - 2008). In those days, I went by Miss CNW (Catholic Nerd Writer) and was anonymous. I wrote about my experience returning to the Faith after being away from the Church from ages 13 through 21. As I wrote in the note to myself, I had a real hunger to completely devote myself to learning as much as I could about the faith. Since I was anonymous online, I didn't have this immense pressure (which, admittedly, I put on myself) to be this "perfect Catholic." It was just me and this new, exciting journey in which I devoted myself to rebuilding my relationship with God.

Somewhere along the line, I lost sight of that. I became more preoccupied with doing things "the right way" because I wanted to live up to people's (or my own) unrealistic expectations of what I was supposed to be like or how I was supposed to behave. Y'all may know what I mean: you try to present the positive aspects while covering the ugly. I've written the good and bad but the ego and the "likes" on social media definitely affected how I used social media as well as what I blogged about.

(Side note: If you ever wondered what life was pre-social media addiction, my first novel, Will and Lina: When Two Worlds Collide, is loosely based on what my adventures were like... minus a Will. Also, the sequel, Will and Lina: London Calling, is more fiction than truth. And, no, I get no commission -- aside from royalty payments -- if you click on those links and order either books. Just normal links to novels.)

Taking a break from social media and regularly blogging has been a much-needed breath of fresh air for me. It has renewed that fire in my soul to detach myself from the world, reform my prideful ways, and devote myself to God as much as possible without becoming a religious sister (not my vocation).

Of course, I can never recreate what my early reversion days were like. I will never be that wide-eyed, unjaded 21-22-year-old who had a lot of learning to do. I'm now a 33-year-old young woman who knows more about the beauty and glory of the Church but still have so much left to learn. Since I began my blog, I've graduated from college... I've gone after two more degrees... I've suffered personal highs and lows... I've lost my father to cancer. All of that has changed who I am, but perhaps not as drastically as what social media has done to me.

I honestly don't want to return to social media... though I know I have to keep using it for work. I may just check my messages once a week or twice a month but I can't imagine ever going back. I think both the influence of my best friend (who logs into social once every couple of months and just to check any mentions) and the Holy Spirit opening my eyes have gotten me to this place. Of course, I know the "danger" of that is that people will stop following my accounts because, "Well, if she's not going to read my tweets or interact with me, why should I keep following her?" However -- and I don't mean to be rude or disrespectful -- I don't care.

I don't care if I lose followers on social media. The "likes" and "retweets" will no longer have any sway with me. Frankly, my pride would be wounded... and that would be completely wonderful because it would remind me that I'm nobody important or special. I'm just an ordinary young woman who likes to write. That's it.

My life is nothing extraordinary. In fact, it's absolutely dull. I completely appreciate that you, lovely readers, take time out of your days to read my ramblings but I feel like I don't have much to offer that is unique. There are so many other writers who are better than I am; who have better content to offer.

I recognize that God has given me a gift for writing and words because I've had people telling me that... but I don't want to get caught up in thinking about it. If I do, that's when pride creeps in and it spoils the gift God has given me. And, no, I'm not saying this as a way to fish for compliments. It's just how I feel.

So, how am I feeling a week into my "no social media" Lenten penance? Wonderful! It feels like I've been freed from being a slave to it. It has been, without a doubt, the best decision that I've made in recent months. I won't go back to using social media as I used to. I don't want the egoism, the drama, or the poor decisions made using social media. The penance part is all interior -- reminding myself of my unworthiness and insignificance in the world because, let's be honest, the numbers go to our heads... or, at the very least, they did to me.

We'll see how things go next week because this week begins the second phase of my social media and smartphone "break-up." Wish me luck. ;)

I hope you all had a lovely weekend and that you have a great week!

As always, thank you so much for reading!

Will and Lina Novels On Sale Starting Today!

Just a quick post to let y'all know that both of the Will and Lina books are on sale starting today. I usually have them on sale twice a year (May and December) to correspond with their release dates. I've been so preoccupied with a bunch of stuff that I missed the anniversary sale at the beginning of this month so now you're getting it for my birthday.

Will and Lina: When Two Worlds Collide (1st book) will be on sale from today through May 30th on Amazon through this link only (there are two separate listings for it): https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00R6A1DHQ

Will and Lina: London Calling (sequel) will be on sale from May 30th through June 5th through this link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00RC56PAK

Just a couple more details about the sale:

• They will be on sale for 99 cents during their promotional dates. After that, they'll go back up to $3.99.
• The sales end at 8 a.m. PST on the last day listed.
• The sale is for the eBooks only. 
• You don't need a Kindle to read them; you can read them on your laptop, phone, tablet, etc. as long as you download the Kindle app from Amazon.
• For the first novel, use that link only. When people search for it, they get the results for the version that Amazon botched up and not the one that I fixed.

Okay, that's it. 

Oh! Wait... disclaimer: my audience is young Catholic women between the ages of 17 and 24 but (thus far) none of the male readers have grumbled too much about them (lol!). I wrote these books in my early to mid-late 20s so don't read them with high expectations; I've grown a lot of a writer since then. You've been warned.

Maybe this sale will be my motivation to finish the third novel before my self-imposed June 20th publication date. Stay tuned. ;)

I hope y'all have a lovely (long) weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Benedictine Oblate and Third Novel News

Hear ye, hear ye! The news express is making a quick stop straight from Emmyland.

From all the recent emails I've received recently, it looks like I'm officially on my way to becoming an official Benedictine Oblate. Cue the happy crying, fangirl squealing, and other celebratory actions a young woman of my age should've outgrown by now... but hasn't. lol. The Oblate novitiate period is a year-long process of discernment. To say that I'm excited would be an understatement. Did you not see the "fangirl squealing" part? lol.

Seriously, I could not be happier. My spiritual life has gotten a much life boost. I honestly feel like a different person and have been much happier. The Lenten week of depression only lasted the entirety of Holy Week before disappearing. I've already planned on spending more time in adoration with this book by St. Alphonsus Liguori this week. I look forward to discerning whether this is something God is calling me to do over the next year.

We have a (tentative) publication date for the third novel: May 14, 2018. That's 4 years (what?!) and 2 weeks after the publication of the first novel. It is the first non-Will and Lina book and something that was re-written over the past couple of months. It started out as one thing and with one idea and it morphed into something else. Not only that, a sequel will have to be written to finish the story. I tried to avoid it but I couldn't; these characters have a mind of their own.

As with my other novels, I decided to take the self-publishing route. Why? Because, really, it's the best options for these types of books. The YA/NA market is hard to break into, especially with books with my specific intent to write books that aren't smutty or insulting as the ones that dominate the current market. No, self-publishing is the right path for these books... for now. The autobiography I'm ghostwriting will (hopefully) be going to an actual publisher and is headed down a more traditional route.

If you're new to these parts, my novels tend to be YA/NA (young adult/new adult) aimed at young women between the ages of 17 to 26. I've had guys read my previous two novels (When Two Worlds Collide and London Calling) and I haven't heard too many complaints but, yeah, it's not aimed for y'all. I just have to put that warning out there. ;)

Alright, that's it. I've had an uber long day and I'm "functioning" on less than 5 hours of sleep which tends to make me a little silly and giddy. You guys are better off not seeing that side of me. lol.

I hope y'all are having a great week thus far!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Free Copy of My First Novel?! Yep!

Photo credit: Danica Clark Photography.

Happy Pentecost, everyone!!

Just a quick blog post to let y'all know that the Kindle version of my first novel -- Will and Lina: When Two Worlds Collide -- will be a free book deal on Amazon on June 5-7. The Kindle version of the sequel, Will and Lina: London Calling, will be on sale for 99 cents June 7-10. I've been told that the books are quick reads so if you're looking to kickstart your summer reading, feel free to try them out.

Special author's note: I wrote the first novel in the early days of my reversion and the sequel years later... and I think you can tell. I grew up along with the characters in the novel so both of these novels have a special place in my heart. And if you're wondering, London Calling is my favorite of the two (for personal reasons).

If you've already read the novels and enjoyed them, thank you! If you read them and didn't like them... I'm really sorry! lol. If you end up reading them and have questions, please check out the following blog posts in which I answered FAQs or gave you some background info (and playlists!) of things mentioned in the novels.

• Readers Want to Know: Will and Lina Q&A: Find out if Will is based on a real person (the most commonly asked question), if Lina is based on me (the second most commonly asked question), and other questions asked by readers.
• Questions about the Will and Lina Series: Find out which characters are based on real people and which aren't.
• Novel Playlists and Sequel News: Listen to the playlists I listened to when I wanted to get into a "character's headspace." edit: language/content warning (if you're sensitive to it) on some of the songs on the first Will playlist and Candace's playlist. You'll understand once you get to know the characters. 
• "This is..." Novel Playlist: Spoiler alert, this playlist is mentioned in the first novel, WTWC.

Since my birthday was on Tuesday, I decided to give myself a writing break -- from the blogging world, from the third novel (which I'm seriously loving right now -- is that weird? That I'm loving what I'm writing?), and most everything else. I hope to return to the blogging and novel-writing world at some point this upcoming week. :)

I hope you are all having a lovely end of the weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

I Have NO Clarity Regarding God's Will For Me

After receiving a poor grade on an assignment I worked hard on over the weekend, I felt dejected. I worked incredibly hard on the paper. I read it and reread it. Edited it and re-edited it. Still, this particular professor (or the TA that nitpicked my paper) thought it was basically poor work. I've had problems with this professor in the past -- my academic adviser and the department chair even got involved the first semester I took him and they took my side in the situation -- but I still pray for him and I still try to look for the good in him. He does missionary work and helps children in third world countries that have speech problems. He does good work and I'm glad he shares what he learns from those trips with us... even if my pride takes a massive hit when things like this grade happen.

I'd be lying if I said the thought "why continue if I'm just going to keep hitting these roadblocks?" didn't pop into my mind. This degree has been incredibly hard to finish. It's not just me; it seems like many (possibly most) of those who go through the program repeat at least one course at some point and some decide to leave the program altogether. For another class, a classmate messaged everyone who is retaking the course for the second time and some have said that they may have to repeat the course again.

The joke that SLP students are on anti-anxiety medication exists for a reason, folks. This is a tough and demanding program and field. Those of you who haven't been reading this blog long enough may not know that this is my second round trying to finish this program/degree. I had to quit and leave the program/school nearly 2.5 years ago when I worked myself so hard to do well that I ended up getting sick... and I've yet to fully recover from it.

I keep wondering if I can keep going if I'm feeling fed up with it all because I am. I want to cry, I'm so overwhelmed. Not so much with the coursework; I've, thankfully, been able to resubmit most of the work I did last semester in order to save time. I've also done much better on the exams this time around. Still, I just feel pushed and forced into this path for financial reasons and that makes me a little depressed.

After tearing up and lamenting my grade, the Holy Spirit must've inspired me to think about the great professors and support system I have because I ended up crying again (this time, happy tears) as I reminisced and felt the love and support of former teachers and professors. I can still remember which teachers always encouraged me.

My second and third-grade teacher (she taught both grades) knew I wanted to be a lawyer (back then) and she told my parents -- in front of me, at an open house -- that she thought I could do it.

My fifth-grade teacher was the biggest academic cheerleader, telling me I had the brains to do whatever I wanted to do in life.

My sixth-grade math/science and English/history teachers gave me a "busy bee" award ("always working. always reading") and encouraged my love of books.

My seventh-grade science teacher defended me when I was badly bullied (long story) and encouraged me to keep going forward despite what the "crackheads" (he seriously called them that) were saying and doing to me.

My wonderful teachers when I transferred from regular high school to independent study through a charter school cheered me on, even when times were hard. My dad had been diagnosed with cancer when I was a junior in HS and had his surgery and chemotherapy before graduation. Through their support, I was able to finish half of my junior year and my entire senior year in a single semester and they even chose me to give the valedictorian-type speech at the graduation ceremony.

Mr. H (English professor whom I wrote about last month) and Mr. G (math professor) at Santa Monica College became my first academic cheerleaders in college.

At Pierce College, Dr. B (British Lit professor who became the inspiration for Prof. Normandy in the first Will and Lina novel) encouraged me to apply to Oxford University to transfer and Prof. W (academic counselor; professor) was the first professor to ever point out my writing abilities before I had even entertained the idea of writing as a career.

Ms. Lewis (from my alma mater; may she rest in peace) wasn't a professor but a counselor who was my only ally at my alma mater. I don't think I would've survived that horrible experience without her.

Dr. K at JP Catholic was incredibly encouraging during my brief stint as a graduate student. He knew about my accident and he was encouraging about my work, giving me the first (and only) A in grad school. (side note: shout out to Dr. K who had us read the Summa and got me on board the St. Thomas Aquinas fan club).

I'm not even counting my family and friends who know me and love me despite any academic hiccups I have along the way.

Recently one of my best friends posed a question no one had before: what if I didn't finish this degree? What's the worst that could happen? I had to stop and think about it. Worst case scenario: debt-city, baby. I have nearly $50k in student loans from 1 finished degree (which I've almost paid off completely) and 2 degrees I've started but haven't finished (MA in Theology; BS in Communicative Disorders). Finding a job that I can do with my (current) physical ailments and with a BA in Religious Studies (without teaching credentials) is near impossible, folks.

I talk about trusting God and yet I still tried to control my financial stability by picking career/degree that would help provide financial stability (this one). I've also tried to do a degree that didn't offer any stability but that I loved and then had to leave because my GPA dipped slightly under a 3.0 (2.94; seriously) following my car accident, thus making me ineligible to receive financial aid. I'm technically a student at FUS (I never declined their offer of admission) so I could finish my Master's degree but I think, if I end up having to leave this degree, I'm done with academia. I'm burnt out. I'll look for a job and let God take the reins though it's been hard since I graduated 5 years ago.

I close my eyes and imagine myself taking my academic/career issues and my health issues (particularly the pancytopenia which has been the most physically debilitating), kneeling down at the foot of the Cross, looking up at our crucified Lord and saying "these are my crosses and I don't know what to do. Please give me clarity as to how to carry them if it is Your will that I do so. If any of these things are not in Your plans for me, please make it clear so that I can leave them here, with You, and focus solely on what You want me to do."

So there's where I am. As I wrote a couple of blog posts ago, I had a feeling this was a possible outcome for me; that I wouldn't finish this program or not use this degree despite all the hard work I've put in. I'm still going to try very hard to do well on my finals and see what happens (though it will take a miracle to pass both classes at this point) and leave the rest up to God. I will work hard and do my best on my end but if things don't work out, He knows why.

I must trust in Him. I DO trust in Him. I just wish God would make His plans for me much clearer so I can do just them. I'm not afraid of the possibly of His calling me back to finish my Theology MA. I'm not afraid of the possibility of not finishing either degree. I'm not afraid taking on a job that would pay very little (enough just for the necessities of life). I just want to do His will.

See what the 30-day St. Joseph novena does to a gal? lol. 13 more days to go. Clarity, St. Joseph. That's all I want; I just want/need some clarity. In most areas of my life but particularly the career and academic area for now. I don't want to act on feelings because those can fool you so I'm going to finish this novena and pray for that clarity I so much desire.

Anyway, that's it for now. I've had this blog post idea (and most of it written out), sitting in my inbox for a couple of days and since I'm taking a tiny break from studying for my first final exam (which I hope to take between this coming Wednesday and Saturday), I thought I'd post it.

I hope you all have a lovely Divine Mercy Sunday and a great start of the week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Will and Lina Novels on Sale; Proceeds Being Donated

Copyright: Danica Clark Photography

Just a quick post to let y'all (not on social media) know that the Will and Lina novels are either already on sale (When Two Worlds Collide) and will be going on sale tomorrow (London Calling). I do this for the publication anniversary for both novels. London Calling will be celebrating 2 years of publication on Thursday. As per every May and December, I will be donating the proceeds. I had it in my heart to donate the royalties from this sale to the Monks of Norcia and their earthquake relief fund. Only the Kindle versions of the novels will be going on sale for 99 cents each but I will also donate anything earned from the paperback version (not on sale) as well. The sales go for a week each; Amazon has a "countdown deal" on the novel's individual pages so you know how much longer the sale will be going on for.

Will and Lina: When Two Worlds Collide (1st novel)
- Kindle: https://smile.amazon.com/Will-Lina-When-Worlds-Collide-ebook/dp/B00K2RBYJ2/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1482275622&sr=8-2
- Paperback: https://smile.amazon.com/Will-Lina-When-Worlds-Collide/dp/1505373727/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1482275622&sr=8-2&keywords=Will+and+Lina

Will and Lina: London Calling (2nd novel; on sale tomorrow morning)

- Kindle: https://smile.amazon.com/Will-Lina-Calling-Melissa-Cecilia-ebook/dp/B00RC56PAK/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1482275622&sr=8-1

- Paperback: https://smile.amazon.com/Will-Lina-Calling-Melissa-Cecilia/dp/1505487404/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482275622&sr=8-1&keywords=Will+and+Lina

I do have news about a future novel that I hope to share before the week is over. It's not part of the Will and Lina series but I do love the direction it's going in... and I love that the idea came to me while I was praying the Rosary novena a couple of weeks ago. ;)

Alright, that's it for now. I'm trying to finish Men, Women, and the Mystery of Love: Practical Insights from John Paul II's Love and Responsibility by Edward Sri. I'm hooked but haven't found the time to read it in large chunks of time so... gotta make that time. ;)

I hope everyone is having a lovely start of the week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Binge Watching and Emotional Abuse

I took a break from writing and was online far less than I usually I am because I spent the past 19 days binge watching a show that I ended up really enjoying. No, I won't say what show it is. I'm sorry. I was asked by several people during Twitter updates but beyond saying it's an Argentinian show and that I watched it in Spanish instead of the dubbed English version, I'm not saying much else.

I should start by saying that I'm not a binge watcher... or I wasn't. I'm not big on TV in general. I have the odd show that I love but none that I've loved enough to binge watch. I'm glad I did it because it did one major thing for me these past (almost 3 weeks): it saved me from plummeting into a full blown depression.

On the day I started watching this show was an emotionally traumatic day for me. After slowly realizing that I was being emotionally manipulated and abused by a close friend, it was decided that it was best for me to pull a "Lina" (readers of the first novel will know what I'm talking about) and cut toxic friendships out of my life. There were several. In the days prior to the start of the "Great Binge Watch of 2016" (as I'm calling it) I was not in a good place. At all.

If you're asking yourself how it's possible that I didn't realize I was being emotionally abused, that's just how I am. I'm utterly clueless sometimes, which apparently isn't uncommon. When it comes to friendships and relationships, I sometimes can't see what's right in front of me. Guys who have had crushes on me in the past? I've always interpreted it as friendship and nothing more. That's why I have wingmen now. lol. People who do me harm? Sad to say that I don't always see the red flags. I see people who keep messing up but was come back always penitent after they've hurt me. What I didn't see was that they were emotionally manipulating me because I tend to see the best in everyone. This isn't the first time it's happened (my spiritual director saved me from another long-term one last year) but this time I had friends who pointed out those things I failed to see.

My friends are amazing. Those who knew the situation made sure I was aware of what was going on. I'm (to quote a friend) "too nice" to see people being emotionally abusive towards me so my friends look out for me. When it got to the point where I had a couple of friends and my mother all point out the bad shape I was in -- both emotionally and mentally -- I knew what I needed to do. I was honestly a little fearful of how other people were going to react. In fact, I still am. I admitted that I needed help. My mother and my friends (two in particular) went above and beyond to make sure I was going to be okay and that I had the break necessary to begin the healing process.

I became determined to limit my time online. I stopped charging my laptop daily, sometimes spending up to two days in between charges despite the battery being completely drained those days. I limited my phone usage. It helps that my phone has been acting up for a while now; it gives me the perfect excuse to not use it much. I let those I was closest to know that I was taking a break from texting and social media for a couple of days. I would ignore my phone for long periods of time. I even let the service "run out" (I use a prepaid phone) until I needed it again. Some text messages and emails went unanswered for several days and explanations were given when I felt well enough to start answering them once again. In fact, I'm still not fully back to my usual habits but that's okay. I'll ease back into it as I get comfortable with them again.

Since I had gotten Netflix for a month (my own treat before classes begin), I looked for recommendations and found this show. It didn't sound like my cup of tea but I blindly gave it a chance... and it became one of the best decisions I could've made. The characters and plotlines sometimes frustrated me to the point where I would yell at the TV in frustration. At times I didn't want to continue but I did. I stuck it out. I became emotionally invested at a time where my emotional well being and my self-esteem were fragile. Still, going through the emotional roller coaster with the characters helped me greatly.

The main character's life (as well as that of her friends) revolves around music. I think that was the big selling point for me. Those who've known me long enough to remember my pre-reversion days know how much I love music and what a big part of me it's always been. Prior to changing my major to Religious Studies I was actually a Jazz Studies major at Santa Monica College. I took a couple of music courses as an undergrad and was deciding between studying history or performance before I reverted. I could be seen lugging around my acoustic guitar to classes and even playing in between classes.

Growing up I loved singing and dancing. I got into playing instruments (especially the guitar) as I got older but singing and dancing were always what I enjoyed the most. At some point prior to my reversion, I stepped back from it. After my father died, I stopped playing the guitar. It wasn't until this earlier summer that I really picked it up again. I've always sung along to the radio or danced whilst cleaning but it wasn't until the Great Binge Watch of 2016 that I realized how much I truly missed immersing myself in it.

I miss taking music courses. I miss taking dance classes. I miss expressing myself through music. Before finishing all 240 episodes of the show, I made the decision to return to the dance floor. After thinking it through, I've decided to start with ballet. Because of all the health issues and my doctors limiting my exercise (I was completely sedentary for months at one point), I need to start slow and work myself up to what is more physically demanding. I'm also going to return to taking music classes (singing and playing piano and guitar) at some point but dance will be a good place for me to start for health reasons (I need the exercise).

If you guys are wondering how all of this connected: I was emotionally fragile so I made the decision (with the support of my wonderful friends) to cut the things that were causing me harm. To keep my mind occupied (since I have the tendency to live in my head and overanalyze things), I started watching a show that was recommended but knew virtually nothing about. I became hooked, which helped me from internalizing a lot of things that would've undoubtedly triggered a deep depression in me. Instead of dwelling on negative emotions, I laughed, cried, and went through an array of emotions with the main character. As I continued to watch the show, I rediscovered what brought me joy in the past (the same that the characters loved) and it helped me make the decision to reintroduce these things into my life. As the show came to an end, so did a lot of the negativity in my life. I somehow gained the confidence and drive to take back what little control I have over my life.

I had cancelled Netflix prior to finishing the series because I didn't want the temptation of binge watching again but I think I'm going to keep it. I found out that the show isn't available in the U.S. except on Netflix (nope, no DVDs available for this region) and can't legally watch it anywhere else. It might be good for me to occasionally watch the show when I have some free time during the semester.

If you're wondering how I was able to pull off 240 episodes (which ranged between 42 and 65 minutes each) in 19 days: a lot of fast forwarding and free time. I would fast forward parts of characters I disliked and only watch the plotlines and characters I enjoyed. Sometimes it would take me only 20-25 minutes to finish a single episode. That and, like I said, I had a lot of free time this and last month -- probably the last time I'll ever have all this free time without responsibilities beyond cleaning the house, running errands, and taking care of myself. It felt so odd to be selfish and do this but I knew it was part of the self-care I needed so I did.

If you're wondering what my prayer life looked like during this time: praying a decade of the Rosary or praying up to two different prayers in between episodes was how I did it. I'll be the first to admit that there were a couple of times when I messed up because I got too into the show but I got my system down pat towards the end so I was able to get all my prayers in on time.

I'm grateful for having the time to do something (binge watching) which I wouldn't normally recommend or even do. I'm grateful that that decision helped keep my mental health in a good, healthy place (even my therapist was impressed at our last session last week). I'm grateful that my friends were honest with me and then did what they could to protect me from being harmed any more. I'm grateful to my mother for sitting down with me and watching many of the episodes with me and then saying that she was happy that the show served as a form of therapy -- it helped make me feel less guilty about all the time I spent watching it.

Now that I'm finished with the show, I'm happy to say that I have a new outlook on life and even new things to do. Beyond my courses this and next semester, I plan on taking dance classes for fun. I've already gotten reacquainted with an old part of my life (and old friends). I hope all of this will make things a little easier for me. I will be online less. I might blog less... though I'll touch on this topic next time because I have a major decision regarding blogging that I still need to make.

There you have it. That's the reason why I spent so much time binge watching and talking about binge watching. It might not seem like much but it did a lot for me. :) I told y'all on Twitter I had a good excuse.

Alright, I'm going to go check my email because I haven't spent much time on the laptop lately and I have messages to sort through and reply to. :)

I hope y'all are having a lovely week thus far. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Cutting the Outside Noise

I had a sort of "screen-free" two day break in which texts went unanswered and there was no activity from me on either Facebook or Twitter. I got the idea after re-reading a novel I'm now going to call my guilty pleasure. What I didn't expect was a very eye-opening (are we sick of that buzzword yet?) experience. Well, just the latest one because I've been having so many of them lately.

During my screen-free break, I worked on my family tree (and ended up discovering the names of my 4th and 5th great-grandparents from the late 1700s!) After I was done with that, I just felt like taking a trip down memory lane and it ended up being the best decision I've made in recent months.

I ended up reconnecting with, well, I'll say an "old friend" during a trip down memory lane. For years (yes, years) I've felt like there have been a few things that have been "off." Every time I felt like I was "myself" once again, something threw me for a loop and I ended up back to square one. I've been dealing with anger, impatience, frustration, and a general feeling of disconnect. I've felt it since my father's death. I can pinpoint most of it to that event. Enter my "old friend."

The conversation went something like this:
Me: I miss the old me.
O.F.: What do you mean?
Me: Do you remember what I used to be like when I was like 19-20? What words would you have used to describe me back then?
O.F.: Hmm... dreamy, romantic, a dreamer... thoughtful, gentle, emotional, deep, and very sensitive.
Me: But I'm so different now. I'm nothing like that.
O.F.: You can get that part of yourself back. She's in there... you just need to cut out all the outside noise. (pause, after I started internalizing things.) That dreamy, idealistic girl... she's not gone, she's just hiding.

It dawned on me that I was letting a lot of the "outside noise" alter me without really realizing. I mean, I've sort of realized that lately (and I think you can see some of that in my latest blog posts) but it didn't really hit me just how much until tonight.

I seriously considered shutting down this blog as well as my social media accounts for a split second. The last time I "cut all the noise" was when I was able to be myself without censoring myself or being fearful of what others said to and thought about me. For those of you who've read the first novel I wrote (When Two Worlds Collide), let's just say that was talked about at the end of Chapter 17 actually happened to me. That year or so that I was off social media and it was really hard to get a hold of me? Bliss. Of course, I cut out more than the online noise in those days. My "friends" then were terrible. The friends I have now are super lovely so I can't really go off and disappear like I did last time. I'm quite determined to do a modified version of what I was forced to do back then... only this time it's more voluntary and being done for my own good.

I think accepting the fact that I'm a highly sensitive person and that I do need to cut some of the outside noise that has been causing some inner turmoil has given me the courage to say "okay, I know I thrive when I can just do my thing and cut out all the outside noise (side note: 'sup, new buzzword?) so I'm just going to go for it."

I know I often say that I'm going to limit my time online and that lasts for only a couple of weeks but now I sort of have my old friend to keep me accountable... and hopefully a little busy. Yes, I remember what I used to do back then; how I didn't need the internet or social media.

Do you ever feel like your life has come full circle with a lot of things? It's the 10th anniversary since my reversion. I went through a lot of illnesses/health scares a month ago. A lot of that felt like deja vu to summer of 2006. Now, with the old friend, it feels like I'm getting a second chance to get that right as well. It's almost like I'm getting a second chance to do a lot of things differently so I can finally move on from this plateau I've been stuck on for the past decade. Maybe I'm being silly or I'm reading too much into it but it does feel like God is saying "take everything you've learned and keep moving forward. It's time."

Anyway, it's almost midnight and I have my prayers to get through so I should go. :) If y'all can please say a prayer for me, I'd greatly appreciate it. Let's just say that tomorrow I'm going to face yet another thing that had a major impact in my life when I was younger and I'm going to need both a lot of courage and charity to get through the next two days or so. Thank you in advance!

I hope y'all are having a lovely start of the week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

I Began Reverting to the Faith a Decade Ago This Month

Mom found an old box with receipts from a decade ago. This wouldn't seem like a big deal -- we all hold onto receipts for a long time -- but it's quite significant for me because the box contains all the doctors and hospital bills I racked up in 2006-2007. The bulk of it was from the summer of 2006 when they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I still remember it vividly...

Shortly after I turned 21 -- and around the time the 2006 World Cup (in Germany) started -- I began getting seriously sick. I would faint while taking showers. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was constantly nauseous. I had little appetite. I felt like I was going to have heart attacks randomly. I would "black out" (literally see black wash over my eyes) at random times. Blood work always came back fine. I would occasionally be slightly dehydrated but nothing to worry about it. "If she continues like this, she's not going to make it too long," I heard someone tell my parents. 

In those days, no one thought it was severe anxiety and PTSD. In fact, PTSD wasn't diagnosed until several years later. The doctors didn't even consider severe anxiety as a possible diagnosis. No one thought it was because the friends I had were mentally and emotionally abusing me. I didn't realize it myself. After a stint in the hospital (I spent 3 out of 5 days in a single week in and out of the hospital), the girls kept calling and harassing me. My parents were livid to say the least. It wasn't until my mother ordered that my social media accounts (in those days: Facebook and Myspace) be shut down and I cut off everyone (EVERYONE) from my life that things began to improve... but it took months. 

Spoiler alert: if you've read the first Will and Lina novel, this was one of the few things that I personally experienced that I wrote into the book for one of the characters. Candace was based on several of the girls that caused problems for me.

In the meantime, in June 2006, I began praying to St. Jude, the patron of difficult cases. My mom mentioned him. I was up for trying anything at that point. I wasn't remotely religious despite being a "cradle Catholic." I wanted to get well. I wanted them to figure out what was going on with me. I bargained (newbie mistake), if I got better, I'd stay in Los Angeles for school rather than leave for England like it was planned. Though I'd set my heart on Bath Spa University (yes, that's the actual name of it), I would stay put. Bargaining due to being poorly catechized, folks. Whatever. I began to see results. I started getting better. Not only that, my curiosity was intrigued. "You mean prayer works?" The seeds were planted. It was slow but by late September 2006 I'd fully embraced my faith and "officially" returned.

There some things from a decade ago that I want to regain. I feel like I've become overly cautious and serious. I wasn't always like this. I used to be described as "bubbly" and was just slightly more sociable (though always more introverted than extroverted) but I lost that after what I went through with the girls. This is something I've been working on in recent months and will continue to work on. These girls no longer have any power over me and I want to get back those aspects of myself that I miss. Still, I wouldn't trade it for what I've learned. In a weird way, I'm grateful for everything that happened because it's led me to where I am. I like the person I've become. 

I'm happy to say that my reversion back to the faith began 10 years ago this week(ish); definitely this month. I thank God for the journey, even though it's been an incredibly difficult 10 years with my health issues, the death of my father, and all the other stuff that's happened. If my mom hadn't mentioned St. Jude to me one of those nights we were in the E.R. and I hadn't began praying, I'm fairly positive I wouldn't have been here, blogging about this.

Anyway, that's it for now. I just wanted to share this. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go back to destroying all those ugly memories of the girls who tormented me and the hospital stays I had a decade ago. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Both Will and Lina Novels on Sale!

Photo taken by Danica Clark.

First: Happy feast of St. Joseph the Worker!

This is just a quick blog post to let y'all know that the Kindle version of both of the Will and Lina novels are on sale from today through May 8th for only 99 cents. Amazon had never allowed me to do this -- have both of them on sale at the same time -- so I'm glad they're finally giving me a chance to do it. :D

Two years ago When Two Worlds Collide was published and a longtime dream of having a published novel came true. I spent about 5 years writing and rewriting the novels. It was originally going to be a stand alone book but it grew into something bigger. Fun fact that I never told anyone: the original ending as written by a 23 year-old me ended at the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe in Mexico. The final ending written by a 27 year-old me is quite different. Even the characters evolved and were greatly changed... and that's all I'm saying so I don't give away spoilers.

I wrote London Calling in a single month when I was 28. I think that, since I took so many years to write the novels you can tell that I grew up and (hopefully) matured along with the characters I grew to know and love. London Calling is still my favorite book in the series but When Two Worlds Collide still holds a special place in my heart as being in the first novel I ever wrote. And, yes, you need to read it for London Calling to make more sense. Want to know what was based on experience and what wasn't? Why don't you read them and try to guess. ;)

If you want to read When Two Worlds Collide you can go here.

If you want to read London Calling this is the link you'd need.

If, after you read them, you're a bit curious as to whether certain characters were based on anyone I know in real life or if certain experiences happened to me, you can read some of the FAQ answered over on this blog post.

If you have Amazon Unlimited you can read them for free. No, I don't mind if you read them for free as long as it's done through a legal source and, thus far, only Amazon is authorized to sell/lend it.

Anyway, I have a lot to do today ("day of rest"? Huh? lol, I promise everything is necessary and cannot be put off until tomorrow) so I'm going to try to make my to-do list shrink a bit. ;)

I hope (and plan) to post a couple of blog posts this week so keep an eye out for those! :D

I hope you're all having a lovely weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Novels on Sale; Earnings Being Donated

Novel cover

Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of the release of my debut novel, Will and Lina: When Two Worlds Collide, so I decided to put it on sale for 99 cents. This is for the Kindle edition only; they won't let me put the physical book on sale. ALL earnings from this sale (which will end next Sunday) will be donated to Caritas Nepal for the earthquake relief.

Since my 30th birthday is coming up on the 30th of this month (exciting!) I'll be putting the sequel, Will and Lina: London Calling, on sale that week. All earnings from that sale will be donated to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. I love kids so nothing would make me happier than being able to donate to a place that will help as many children as possible. I'll post a reminder blog post once London Calling goes on sale. :)

Anyway, I'm just giving y'all the heads up. I hope y'all are enjoying your weekend thus far!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Why I Decided to Be a (Catholic) YA/New Adult Author

Recently I've been re-reading the books that I read as a teenager and a young adult. Yes, I'm still technically a young adult at 29 but I'm talking about my early to mid 20s. If you're following me on Goodreads, you know which books I've re-read... and have re-rated. Part of the reason why I'm re-reading the books is due to nostalgia and the other part is research. Both When Two Worlds Collide and London Calling are considered New Adult books so I'm curious to the kinds of stories other YA/New Adult authors write. The research has led me to the decision to be a "Catholic author."

Most of the books I'm re-reading were read prior my reversion... and I have to remind myself of that fact whenever I read something that makes me cringe. I made it only 28 pages into the first book in a series I used to like because I couldn't stomach the protagonist of the series. It's unlike me to not finish a book but I couldn't continue. The main character becomes mortified over the fact that she wasn't aware that she was being sexually harassed by her best friend's older brother... but she's upset over the "clueless" moment rather than the act itself. She also comments that she wishes that her crush would actually sexually harass her. A few pages later she expresses disappointment that the only guy to ever "feel her up" was a blind man and not someone else worthy of the act. *headdesk* Please. Stop.

A big reason why I decided to become a (Catholic) YA author is because I've heard friends lament over the fact that they can't find contemporary YA novels that aren't saturated with questionable content that goes against Church teachings... or outright drags them through the mud. I've had friends who have teenage daughters express disappointment over the content that it out there for their daughters. I had these comments in mind when I edited the first Will and Lina novel and wrote the second one. Spoiler alert: I infused Faith into the books for obvious reasons... though I tried to do it in a way that wasn't preachy.

When I started writing, I didn't set out to be a "Catholic author." I just wanted to write books... even if no one but my friends read them. As my novels progressed, I knew that no one could deny that I was a Catholic writer. Catholicism is infused into the stories, even if it's not immediately obvious. I'm nowhere near the likes of Catholic authors like G.K. Chesterton, Evelyn Waugh, J.R.R. Tolkien, Flannery O'Connor, Dean Koontz, or even Regina Doman (who has written great YA novels). However, I've made the decision to be the kind of author that young women (and, really, anyone) could read without having to worry about content that would go against Church teachings. Sure, some characters do some really shady things (for those who've read the first novel, one word: Candace) but even through the bad times, there's a light present.

I know the fact that I've chosen to be identified as a Catholic YA author means I've already alienated many readers, but I'm okay with it. I'd rather lose readers who would rather not "deal" with Catholicism in their novels than risk leading others down the wrong path (a path away from God) for the sake of making money or becoming popular. If it goes against Church teachings it's either not going into the novels or will be dealt with according to our beliefs. If I would never say it to my nieces, nephews, or my godson, it won't make it into the novels. There's already too much garbage around and I refuse to contribute to it.

For those of you who are worried that the novels will be preachy, I can tell you that I hope to never do that. Like I said, Catholicism is infused into the novels but sometimes the themes are not glaringly obvious. Sometimes the theme is on mercy and redemption. Sometimes a character is Catholic and they attend Mass in the story before they do something else. See? Nothing too "believe this, you heathen!" about it. lol. I'm not going to shove my beliefs down people's throats but I'm not going to shy away from the fact that I believe certain things. Seriously, just ask anyone who's read one or both of my novels.

Anyway, I just wanted to share this. Originally I was going to write about all the cringe-worthy things I'd read in YA novels but 1) it wouldn't have been very charitable of me and 2) I'd really rather use my money to pay for grad school than to pay off lawsuits from miffed authors. lol. ;)

I hope y'all had a great weekend and have a stellar week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Readers Want to Know: Will & Lina Q&A

Hello, my darlings. I'd like to thank those who asked questions regarding the Will and Lina series. I had a lot of fun replying to them and it was fun to see which question was asked the most... mainly by women. I bet you can guess which one it is. ;)

Now, without further ado, the questions... and answers.

Question:
1) I loved Will! Is he based on anyone? Does he exist?!
- I'm sorry to burst bubbles but Will is not based on anyone. You'd be surprised at how often I got this question. lol. My closest friends had a good time trying to figure out who Will was based on during the writing process but no one came close because he doesn't actually exist in real life… or at least I don't know a real life Will. I wish I did but I don't. No, don't cry for me, Argentina… I'll be fine. ;)

2) Lina is based on you, right? She sounds like you!
- Yes and no. Some of Lina's experiences and personality traits were my own because, as a writer, it's easier to write what you know but Lina became her own person during the writing process. I've had friends read both novels and they go “oh, that's so you!” (example: Lina's response to Will's slip up in chapter 12 of When Two Worlds Collide) but there are some obvious differences as well. I'm definitely a lot goofier than Lina. A lot… like, an embarrassing amount. I will dance and sing in the aisles of grocery stores without realizing it until it's too late; Lina would never do that.

3) Were *chapters 4 and 5* (in London Calling) based on your real life experience with your *family member*?
- Yes. I definitely drew from real life experiences to write those chapters. I think they were the most autobiographical chapters in the series. Of course, some things were changed so it's not exactly what I went through but it's very close to what I experienced. They were, surprisingly, not the hardest chapters I had to write though.

4) How long did it take you to write the series?
I started When Two World Collide in 2008 and I finished writing it around early 2013. I worked on it on and off for years because I was in school during the first 4 years of it. I used to put it on hold for months (during the school year). I started London Calling on November 1st, 2013 and finished the rough draft about 27 days later. I fleshed it out and edited it during November 2014, after I quit the SLP program. I pulled all-nighters for that one. :)

5) What inspired you to write the books? Did you draw from your real-life experiences?
- Back when I was 23 (seems like ages ago for me), I was only two years into my reversion but I wanted to write something for young women that wasn't smutty so I thought about writing a novel. The original version of the Will and Lina story was only one novel long and it ended completely different than the series did. Actually, both characters were quite different as well; Will was a huge jerkface and Lina was a lot more reserved and cautious. But as I got older and my faith evolved, so did the characters and the plot. I did draw from real life experiences (those closest to me will know which ones) but a good portion of the plot for both novels were random ideas that popped into my mind that made sense for the story. Except for maybe 4-5 chapters (out of 37), London Calling was entirely made-up by my imagination.

6) Are there any fun facts you can share with us about either of the novels?
- Sure!
For When Two Worlds Collide: Professor Normandy is based on my former English Literature professor, Professor Maria Bates. I arrived at her name this way: Bates --> Norman Bates --> Normandy. I decided to write a character based on her because Prof. Bates was very encouraging of me applying to transfer to Oxford University (yes, THE Oxford) to study English Language and Literature.

For London Calling: Aunt Lizzy is not based on a real person but she is loosely based on Mrs. Bennet from Pride and Prejudice and Mrs. Jennings from Sense and Sensibility. That was my nod to Jane Austen.

7) This isn't series related but are you working on something else right now?
- Yep! I'm working on my first non-Will and Lina related novel right now. I have a couple of sentences written out but I'm mostly brainstorming how I'm going to tackle it at the moment. I can't say much about it except that I may just write it for fun and not publish it. I'm unsure at the moment. We'll see how it's received by friends. ;)

And that's it. Other questions that were asked but not shared on here have been answered privately because of the spoilers. The only spoiler-y question I posted was number 3 because it was asked by a couple of people. I tried to make it as "un-spoiler-y" (oh, hush; I know it's not a word) as possible for the blog post.

Again, thank you to those of you who asked questions. :D If you have any more questions, feel free to ask. I may not post them on here but I will answer them privately for you. :D

That's it for now. I should go try to drink tea and get some rest. While I was working on this blog post, I started feeling a little sick and I think it's related to what I was eating for lunch. Blah. I'll be fine. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Don't Forget to Send Me the Questions

You guys have until midnight tonight to send me any questions to may have regarding the Will and Lina series for tomorrow's blog post. I already have a couple of questions but I'll take the top questions and answer them tomorrow.

Lack of updates = busy me. Life is less crazy today (and will be even less hectic tomorrow) so I should get back into the swing of things tomorrow with the Q&A post. :D

Questions about the Will and Lina Series

I've gotten some questions regarding the Will and Series. Mostly "is Will based on *insert guy's name*?" or "Was *insert chapter* hard to write?" So, for Valentine's Day, I've decided to answer as many questions (or, at least, the top 5-10 questions) asked about the series. As for why I picked Valentine's Day as the day... is it spoiler-y? *shrugs* Was it just a day that I picked because London Calling is my favorite novel I've written? Maybe. ;)

Yes, this is the reason why When Two Worlds Collide was on sale for a week up until yesterday and why London Calling is currently on sale for only 99 cents on Kindle. (side note: the sale will end in a week so get it on sale while you can.) You want to know anything about the series? I'm going to give you guys a chance to ask. No question will go unanswered... unless it's wildly inappropriate.

If you want to ask any questions, you can do so by leaving the question up on the Will and Lina series FB page, this blog's FB page, or over on Twitter. You have until February 12th to send me your questions.

Here's a sneak peak of the kinds of questions (and answers) you can expect:

"Are any of the characters based on people you know in real life?"
The short answer: Yes, some characters were based (even in little ways) on people who are/were in my life but more than half of them weren't; my imagination just really got into the writing process.

The long answer:
When Two Worlds Collide
Not based on anyone:
Will, David, Matt, Mrs. Zamora, Odysseus (Odi), Mr. Alonso, Mrs. Alonso, Audrey, and Aiden.

Loosely based on real people:
Lina, Stella, Mikayla, Candace, Mr. Zamora, and Professor Normandy.

London Calling
Not based on anyone (new characters): 
Ethan, Mrs. Alden, Sofia, Henry, Kieran, Ella, Michael, Tom, and Aunt Lizzy.

Loosely based on real people (new characters):
Blake and Stephanie.

There you go. Have more questions? Just ask. ;)

And that's it for now. I have a couple of things to catch up on (mainly: reading and snail mail... and errands).

I hope y'all are doing well. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

7 Quick Takes Vol. 23: Misc. Edition

I

At my last doctor's appointment (on the 26th), I was told not to exercise because I was underweight. My metabolism is apparently really fast so I burn calories easier than I can put them on. No, don't wish you had the same problem; it's a pain because being underweight comes with its own set of health issues. Anyway, I've been sedentary... and it stinks. I like being active. I love dancing. I sincerely enjoy hiking and taking long walks in scenic places. I'm already dreaming of all the hikes I will attempt (if I can find someone to be my hiking buddy) as soon as I get the okay from the doctor. I'm going to start the #FreeEmmy hashtag every time I start feeling a bit of cabin fever.

II

I've decided to do something novel(s) related for Valentine's Day. No, that is not a real spoiler; I just chose Valentine's Day because I wanted to do something fun for the day. I'll post the details later on. I'll just say: if you've ever wondered if anyone or anything in either of the novels is based on a real life person or event, you can ask and I will give you the honest answer without pleading the fifth. If you have yet to read either, you should get either a physical of copy or Kindle version of When Two Worlds Collide and/or London Calling before the beginning of February. Again, details will come soon. ;)

III

I've been participating in Blessed is She's #projectblessed Instagram challenge/project since the first of January and I've been loving it. I'm a little late on the Blessed is She wagon but I love receiving the daily devotions emails from them... and I'm loving the tight-group feeling. I was one of the first #Cathosorority gals but I left quite some time ago because I honestly felt like I no longer fit in. I know it's still going strong and it's a great place for some Catholic gals but as a single young woman, I no longer felt a part of it. I don't feel that way with the gals from Blessed is She. Yes, I think most are mamas or at least married but I don't feel excluded for not being a mama or not being married. God bless whoever thought of this website. Thank you!

IV

After doing some financial rearranging, we can afford cable again... at least for now. It's so nice to have the Hallmark Channel and TCM again because those are the two that I missed the most. I missed the "chick flicks" from Hallmark as well as the classics on TCM. We actually got a really great (read: cheap) deal so it'll actually be cheaper than if we had just stayed with internet and the local channels. The deal is only for a year but, if in a year we see that we can't continue, we'll be cutting it off again. I'll enjoy it while I can. ;) This doesn't mean that I'll be stuck in my room, watching TV all day (I'm still planning on reading a lot before grad school begins) but at least now I'll have more options than I did on Amazon Prime which is the only paid service we have.

V

I asked a good friend to be my Rosary accountability partner because I needed one. I really want to get back into the habit of praying the Rosary daily and I know it'll be easier if I have someone checking up on me. We talk almost daily so I'll be able to let them know if I mess up. So far I've dropped the ball like 2-3 times but I'm getting there. Does anyone else use an accountability partner for their prayer life? If so, have you noticed a positive change?

VI

My big brother called me earlier this week with big news that would be life changing for mom and I. I have to be vague for now but if you guys can please say a prayer that the deal goes through, I'd greatly appreciate it. This is something that mom and I have been praying about for years (I think almost since my dad passed away almost 6 years ago) and if it all goes according to plan, it'll be one of the biggest weights off of shoulders. Thank you in advance.

VII

This past week I've been obsessed with Emilie Mover's albums. Yes, she's a "children's musician" but she did an amazing job on an album of Peggy Lee covers. The album is called Sings Peggy Lee and I highly recommend it to anyone who love jazz vocals. Her voice reminds me somewhat Billie Holiday's so I'm loving it.

For more Quick Takes visit This Ain't the Lyceum.

That's it for now. I have a ton of errands to run in less than an hour. Yikes! ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

2014: The Year This Nerd Became Brave

As I was looking back at this past year, I noticed that I did a lot of things (I packed more in a single year than I had in the past 6 years combined) because I made an unofficial resolution to be brave. If you know me, you know that the words "brave" and "Emmy" were rarely used in a single sentence... until this year. There is a lot I can cover but here at the major highlights:

1) I had two novels published in the span of 7 months.
I'm sure I don't have to tell you guys about this since the print versions (as well as the novel sequel in eBook) version were just released a week ago but my biggest professional highlight was finally getting my novels published. I had worked on Will and Lina: When Two Worlds Collide since 2008 (the original draft is nowhere near what it ended up being; one day I'll reveal how the story was original supposed to end) and I wrote the entire first draft of Will and Lina: London Calling last November. This year I edited them (with help from Kiera), worked on the covers, and I made my dreams come true by publishing years worth of hard work. The fact that I had the guts to say "Okay, I want to do this so I'm going to do it" and of not letting my nervousness get the best of me was a huge deal. I've always loved writing (obviously; I've been blogging for 7 years now!) but it wasn't until this year that I really worked hard at letting my "babies" out into the world. Even though I did stress myself out a little with deadlines and formatting issues, finally seeing my novels published was one of the most rewarding things I've ever done... and it's something that I know I will continue to do in the future.

2) I learned that sometimes the best thing is to do is let go so you can move forward.
Some of my biggest triumphs of the year in the "bravery" category had me walking away from things that I did not want to let go of. I walked away from a career path that I was loving but had to let go of because the school environment was making me physically ill. I let go of the fear of financial instability by admitting that I was at my happiest pursuing Theology and Religious Studies degrees and I would much rather do that than Speech-Language Pathology (though, mark my words, I will finish that someday.) I know jobs for Theology M.A.s are hard to come by but I'm not worried. This is what I want to do with my life -- what I feel called to do now that I've stopped trying to control the outcome. I let go of my fear of illness, which I developed when my father was first diagnosed with cancer several years ago. Yes, my platelets and iron are still on the low side and, no, I don't know when/if I'll get better... but I'm not worried about it. I know God will take care of me and, if this is just a cross I have to carry, then I will do it to the best of my abilities. I've found myself so much happier just letting go, moving forward, and not looking back. Oh, and please don't start singing that song from Frozen; I can't stand it.

3) My anxiety became manageable for the first time since I was first diagnosed with anxiety/panic disorder at 15.
I owe a big "thank you" to my therapist (whom I saw from March through the first week of August) because she helped me immensely. After that horrible incident in February, I was in full-on PTSD mode. In cognitive-behavioral therapy I not only learned that I had PTSD, I also learned how to deal with it. Since then I've still had some anxiety come and go (which is normal; that won't disappear altogether overnight), but it's no longer an issue when it comes to making plans. I've gone out so much this year (mainly to Disneyland with friends; it's kind of our thing) and my social life is so much better than it has been in years because I finally said "well, flip that table, anxiety. You're not the boss of me!" I can take public transportation (by myself... a huge feat I hadn't done since 2005.) I can drive long distances. I can do so many things because I refuse to let anxiety run my life... and it's been wonderful.

4) My biggest act of bravery was being honest with myself across the board.
It took a lot for me to sit down and, basically, be honest with myself. There were so many things that I had been in denial of for a number of reasons. It took a lot of courage for me to admit that school was causing me more harm than good because I had invested so much into it. To leave the SLP program (as well as stick up for myself against unfair professors) without even finishing the semester was uncharacteristic of me. I felt like a failure for a while... but then I realized that I wasn't. I tried and it didn't work out because it wasn't meant to be. I gave it my all and I pushed myself as much as I could and I'm proud of myself for that. To be able to say "okay, I tried this and it didn't work" and "okay, I need to make these changes to better my life" and then actually implement the changes was what made my year incredibly satisfying.

I look back at 2014 and I go "man, I went through a lot" because I did. I went through health issues, finance instability, career/academic disappointments, and a number of other things that were major turning points in my life. I see all the tears, pain, heartbreak, and disappointment that I felt... but none of it compares to the warmth, love, laughter, happiness, and achievement that I've also felt. Yes, the year stunk like a poopy diaper but I'm genuinely happy. I'm happier than I've been in a long time and I feel much freer than I have since before my dad died 5 years ago. I'm incredibly excited at all the brand new opportunities that I have in life all because I decided to be brave. I didn't run away and hide; I stood up and said "I'm sorry but I'm not going to let you define me." To quote the gif (from the web series Emma Approved): Holy Oprah, what just happened?! Who is this girl and how can I get her to stay? ;)

Anyway, I won't make traditional New Years resolutions because I don't want to limit my growth as a person. There is still a lot left to do but it'll all happen in God's time. In the meantime I'll just try to keep building on the courage I've gained this year and I hope that it will also translate in my faith which, sadly, took a back seat to school and work for the majority of the year.

Thank you all for sharing this year with me. You've helped enrich my year way more than y'all will know. I hope y'all stick around for the (undoubtedly) amazing adventures that 2015 has in store for all of us. Verso l'alto! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Novel Sequel (London Calling) is Now Available!

This is going to be a quick post because I have a lot of things to do in a short amount of time. Long story short: mom has shingles and I had to take her to urgent care -- and then drive her back when her supervisor was being difficult about her return to work -- so my afternoon/evening has been spent doing that and I still have other things to take care of. Anyway...

The novel sequel is now out! WHOOO! So excited! Yes, Will and Lina: London Calling is available in both print AND Kindle editions as of today. I would've posted this earlier except... well... you know. Anyway, here are the links to a couple of places where you can find them.

Print
CreateSpace: https://www.createspace.com/5165372 (it'll go live tomorrow)
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Will-Lina-Calling-Melissa-Cecilia/dp/1505487404/ref=pd_rhf_gw_p_img_1 (they were temporarily out of stock but they have copies once more)

eBook
Kindle: http://www.amazon.com/Will-Lina-Calling-Melissa-Cecilia-ebook/dp/B00RC56PAK/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1419290102&sr=1-1

If you're getting the Kindle version, please note that, yes, the table of contents looks wonky because they (CreateSpace) forgot to take it out when they sent the file to Kindle. There shouldn't be any table of contents on Kindle editions (for obvious reasons). I've been told by those who have their copies that that is the only issue (which I will be taking care of tonight). Everything else is formatted correctly so don't worry about it. Just skip it and go onto the story. ;) If something looks off, let me know and I'll fix it asap; that's the beauty of Kindle, I can fix it and you'll get the corrected version automatically updated to your Kindle app/device.

And that's it for now. I'll hopefully blog again tomorrow. We'll see. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D