Happy Happy, Joy Joy; "Things That Help" Anxiety.

I am bouncing up and down, full of excitement, because I received two (well, three if you want to get technical) things that have made me extremely happy. I get excited and happy pretty easily but these things have definitely brightened up my gloomy day.

First, I was checking my grades online and saw that I'd received a B for my English/British Literature course this semester! Yaaay! :D Considering how many lectures I missed, and how I started a week late because I switched schools, I am very happy with this grade. So, I now have a B in this class and an A in my Oceanography course. I still have to wait for my Philosophy of Logic and History of World Religions grades but, if my calculations are correct, I'm fairly certain I received a B in Philosophy (my hardest course) and either an A or a B in History. The History grade depends on that 10 page research paper I had to do last month (she's not done grading them yet). Either way, I did well this semester (despite my absences and illnesses) and I couldn't be prouder of myself. :D

What's the second good news? I received my Christmas presents to myself. I ordered the pair of Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati books written by his sister... and they arrived yesterday in the mail. I didn't get them until today because it rained almost all day yesterday and no one wanted to go outside. Too cold. Anyway, I am super excited to have gotten them! I will be take a semi-vacation from the 'net (mostly from emailing and facebook) until probably the New Year and these books will definitely help me pass the time. :D

Oh yes, and my friend Kathryn got married today, which makes today even lovelier! Unfortunately, I couldn't make it to the wedding since it was thousands of miles away and I have pressing business at home (in the form of an English gentleman) and I'll only have a limited time to enjoy it so I couldn't have gone. Also, no money for flights.

And speaking of English gentlemen (like the transition? lol), I wanted to share with you something that my friend Mark, founder of Soul Food Cinema, sent me in regards to anxiety. He promised me this list a while back but I just recently received it and the permission to share it with y'all. I am calling him a (sort of) guest blogger since he did write this list. :D

"Things that help

• Doing things I genuinely enjoy doing – things that bring genuine lasting joy, as opposed to just fleeting happiness and a temporary high.

• Taking spiritual breaks and holidays, especially away from television and computer screens and other electronics. Spending time in front of the Blessed Sacrament more instead. Not watching television and films in the evening is a good one too – try reading instead.

• Reading scripture and really taking it in and trying to understand its context and meaning. The psalms are good at night time or in the morning too; they express all of our emotions for us!

• Proper preparation before whatever it is I’m doing. So praying beforehand, doing research, practising beforehand (e.g. if giving a talk/speech) etc.

• Belief in my heart for whatever I’m doing – I have to genuinely care about it and not just do it because I think I should, because I have to or because someone else wants me to do it.

• Writing down my thoughts and spending some time meditating over them, particularly writing down things to change in my life and then spending time in silence discerning which things I’ve written down have come from God and which things have come from me.

• Prayer and rosary throughout the day. Especially praying to St Dymphna (thanks for that one!). *ed. note: You're welcome, Mark. :D*

• Self respect and trust in God; especially for the talents I know He has given me.

• Other people praying for me.

• Relaxation and fun. Doing things for enjoyment’s sake. Seeing friends etc. playing something (a game, a sport, an instrument…).

• Making progress with those things I’m working on in life – moving forwards as opposed to standing still or moving backwards.

And things that don’t help

• Spending too much time alone.

• Trying to do things by myself without help and certainly without prayer.

• Keeping things to myself.

• Abandoning my faith (selling out) and my true beliefs in a vain and proud attempt to please other people rather than to please God.

• Not giving daily thanks to Jesus (in abundance!).

• Self-betrayal of God’s forgiveness, charity etc, by denying the gifts, opportunities and freedoms he presents me with.

• Disrespecting those who deserve respect, especially the poor and those people brave enough to openly declare their love for Jesus.

• Not serving others that need it; especially not using my particular gifts.

• Not being patient.

• Not praying first, instead of doing first.

• When people ask for help, giving them my solutions and bringing myself to them, instead of bringing them God’s solutions and bringing God to them.

• Pursuing people (friends/girlfriends) based only upon shallow things e.g. looks, popularity, worldly success."

There you go. I think Mark wrote a fantastic list. A big reason why I wanted to share this because I've noticed that quite a number of people find this blog by searching "anxiety and Catholicism" or "anxiety and Catholic". They usually land on a post in which I cover a few things such as the patron saint of those who suffer from anxiety. There is something he mentioned, about taking spiritual breaks from the t.v. and 'net, that I hope to go more into depth next blog.

Okay, that is it for now. I am going to try to find a way to keep warm. I think I will drink as much tea as I can. Brr! And, okay, it's only like 54 degree Fahrenheit but that's very cold for us Southern Californians. lol. I'm just rambling on now. :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D
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Confession: I've Come Far (Advent Reflection); Superior Scribbler Award.

A good friend sent me something I apparently wrote nearly 3 years ago. It was uncharacteristic of me to write something like it, even then, but was shocked that I was capable of such a thing. I won't repeat what it said but, as you can guess, I was shocked that I'd written it. To be quite honest, I don't remember writing the profanities but my friend swears I did. That made me think I had a potty mouth which I'd forgotten about, but my friend reassured me that that was the only time I'd cursed. That, along with other things that reminded me of my past, made me think of how far I've come in just a matter of years.

Those who knew me when I was in my teens to 20 years-old would be surprised by how much I've changed. It's all for the best, too. I had horrible habits growing up. I wasn't the most honest person, I would act before thinking things through, etc. All of this was during my time away from the Church.

I've NEVER felt like I fit in in this city. Honestly, even now, I'm still trying to figure out my niche in the City of Angels. Growing up I would try to modify aspects of myself, some times for the worse, just to fit in with a group of people. This continued up until I got really sick with my anxiety and other illnesses. I made the conscience decision to cut myself off from the people who would continue to "help" me down the wrong path. Once I really got sick -- to the point of me being in and out of the hospitals -- I decided to change myself completely from the monster I'd become.

I look at all the illnesses I've gone through as a blessing from God. Every single pain, ache, panic attack, trip to the hospital... every single one of those things has only made me stronger. I truly thank God for every thing I've suffered because it's only brought me closer to Him and it's returned me to the faith I had as a child. Not only that, it's shown me what truly matters in this life.

Needless to say, I've sincerely repented and confessed to everything I did prior to my coming back to the Church. Not only that, but I've done a total 180. Lying (which was my biggest fault)? I absolutely HATE it with a passion and hate saying even the smallest "white lie". In fact, I would rather get scolded at and/or hated on for voicing the truth than lying about it. I never drank alcohol. I never did drugs. I never did anything I shouldn't have done outside of marriage. I never snuck out of the house. But I did lie, curse, and do more than should be allowed... and am truly and deeply sorry for ever having done it. It was wrong of me to do. All I can do now is learn from it and make my story known so that others won't fall into the same pattern.

Why am I so open about what I went through, you make ask? Because I want people to see that it IS possible to come back to the Church despite any sins you've committed. It IS possible to be forgiven by God. It IS possible to turn away from all of it, get your life straightened out, and start living it as the Lord wants you to. What a better time to reevaluate this than during this time of year. Advent is a time for penance so why not make the most of it and confess to your past sins so you can look forward to living a better life? If you don't think it's possible, read St. Augustine of Hippo's biography. You'd be surprised with how many saints committed sins before they repented them and then led a life of a true saint.

I will admit that I was inspired to write about this (and I can tell you, if you want to know actual details of what I went through and how I came out... it's all in the novel I'm writing), by a video I saw of Eduardo Verastegui's conversion story on the Spanish version of EWTN. He also went down the wrong path (though his and my life stories have been quite different) but repented his sins and is now doing all he can to help the Church with his vocation.

Now, having spilled my guts out to the public :D...

From Journey of a Catholic Nerd Writer

I would like to thank Fr. Austin Murphy of Jesus Goes to Disney World for including this blog on his list of Superior Scribblers and would now like to pay the award forward. I don't think I can pass it back to him but I'd highly recommend you check out his blog anyway because it's awesome. I check it on a daily basis (whenever I can). I've even had self proclaimed Deist say she enjoys his blog. :D

First off, I'd like to award both of Rebecca's blogs awards.

Catholic in Film School is a great blog about, you guessed it, a Catholic in film school. This blog also has a lot of media centered content, from a Catholic's point of view, that I am sure you'd all love and enjoy. I've also been introduced to a lot of Catholic things for Los Angeles based people, such as L.A. Catholic Underground, by her and her blog. Maybe one day we'll join forces and write some kick tush screenplay. What do you say, Rebecca? lol. :D

Her other blog, Modestia, is a great site for young, modest women who are looking for great fashion finds. Who says you need to dress drab to be modest? Not this Modestia! I also love the fact that she spotlights celebrities that are good role models for other young girls and women (Selena Gomez and Ali Landry, anyone?).

Matthew's Fallible Blogma is one of the best Catholic blogs I've ever seen. Funny story, Matthew and I met on facebook -- adding him without knowing anything beyond the fact that he was Catholic. I normally wouldn't do that but thought, "Hey, another Catholic friend doesn't hurt!" I'm glad, though, because I would've never found out about this blog otherwise. Matthew presents things that are going on in our society in a refreshing, thought provoking manner.

Q's L.A. Catholic is a great way to find out what's going on in the Los Angeles Archdiocese. He does a superb job keeping us updated with the happenings here, while not shying away from making his (and, really, most of our) opinions known. He voices things that a lot of us which we had the guts to say.

Okay, so I am a little biased because she is my little adoptive "sister", but I can't help but love Delaney's Hat Full of Hope blog. It's great to see what a Catholic, home-schooled young lady thinks about. And it gives you hope that the future isn't as rotten as we might fear. Can't wait to see her in a play soon! :D

Now, pay it forward. The rules, from Bosco:

* Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends.
* Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.
* Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to this post, which explains The Award.
* Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we’ll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives This Prestigious Honor!
* Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

Alright, well, this blog should be enough for the next week... until my finals are over with. I have my History of World Religions final assignment due tomorrow but will try to have it done by tonight. Philosophy of Logic final exam is due on Tuesday night but will try to have it done by this weekend. My English Literature (Medieval to early 18th Century literature) final is on Wednesday and that will be my hardest one. Yes, save the hardest for last... lol. Wish me luck... because I'm going to need it. lol. :D I will be studying all weekend long.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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When and Why Do YOU Pray?; Patron Saint of this Blog

While one of my very best friends searches this blog for clues as to where I might have my Christmas wish list hidden... (I am not telling you! :D), I decided to update the blog. Whoo-hoo! :D

You know, I woke up feeling fatigued and just gross, and it got me thinking "Oh no, I hope I am not getting another cold, or flu, because I can't afford to be sick... especially during the last weeks of school." Then I was thinking about how I have amazing friends who have been praying for me and my anxiety (which has lessened SO MUCH in the past two days). That led to questioning myself... "When do YOU actually pray?" I haven't been praying as often as I probably should. I have been super busy with school (10 page History research paper AND the entire "Paradise Lost" for English Lit, anyone?) but that shouldn't be an excuse. While I was making breakfast this morning, I remembered this question on some quiz that I took ages ago. It asked when you prayed or how religious are you? One of the options was "Whenever I'm sick/there's a natural disaster." That made me realize that some of us *points to self* are occasionally selfish with their prayers. I will admit that I tend to do more praying when I am sick... and it should be the other way around. I do pray that I find the strength to get over whatever illness I have... but I do also pray for others when I can.

About a week and a half ago, our next door neighbors were arguing at full volume... at 1 in the morning. I was upset because I had to wake up early that morning, but that changed to feeling bad that they were fighting. So, I started to pray to God to help them resolve whatever it was they were fighting about... and it stopped pretty soon after. I have to admit, that prayer was both selfish and unselfish at the same time. If it had happened in the day, it would've been more unselfish. The point of this example is that... just like I prayed during that time when it was needed, a lot of us do the same thing. Maybe not the same situation, but same concept.

I am often in awe of my little (adoptive) sister who often asks "How can I be praying for you?" She might be going through some really difficult situations but she always manages to finds time to pray for others. I think we should all try to be a little more like that. Even if we're all doing very well, and so are all of our friends and family, there's always something to pray for... or to pray to say thanks. Don't just pray while there's a crisis, or when you're in need of the Lord (which is when the majority of us do it -- come on, admit it)... pray just to thank Him for everything He's provided for you.

I am going to set a specific time every day to thank God for my amazing parents, family, and friends. I will also thank all the saints who have interceded for me over the years -- whether I asked for their intercession, or others did. I will feel much better doing this, than just praying when I need to.

Moving... I actually want to do something kind of fun with the readers of my blog. I want everyone (who wants to participate) to pick the patron saint of this blog. I will be putting up a poll on the left where you can vote for whom you'd like to see as the patron saint of this blog. I will have the poll open (hopefully) until the end of this month so we can have a patron saint next month (which will also be the 1 year anniversary of this blog. :D). So, go ahead and vote! You can vote for as many as you'd like. And if you know of others that read this blog, please let them know about it! :D

Alright, well, I should probably get to work on my massive amounts of homework. I won't complain because there's no reason to, really. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Anxiety Strikes Again; Easiest Way to Get Me Peeved: Insult God.

And the anxiety strikes again. Grr! I had to leave my English Literature class early today -- only making it through less than half the class -- because of my anxiety. One of these days I will say it's no longer an issue but for now, it stinks. After months of being pretty good and not having major anxiety, it's struck in a big way.

The worst anxiety attacks I've had have happened last Saturday (not this past Saturday), last Wednesday, and last night. As I mentioned in the previous post, I thought they would have to take me to the hospital twice but I knew it was anxiety so I tried my hardest to stick it out. Last night was the second worst attack I've had in a long time. It started earlier in the day (it was a complete miracle I made it through the Mass) but got bad at night. It lasted a good 2 hours or so before I was calm enough to even think about sleeping. My poor mom stayed up with me until nearly midnight and then dad woke up to take over until I was alright. I'll tell you, all of this sucks. (Pardon my language!)

One of the good things about the anxiety is that, since I've already lived through enough panic attacks to know when it's anxiety, I don't wig out as much as I used to... thus allowing me to calm down even sooner. I think it got worse last night because I remembered all the work I am behind on (mainly: my History of World Religions class) and that didn't help much.

I had a St. Dymphna prayer/holy card on my desk in English class today, but I think since I was offended a bit during class, that didn't help my anxiety at all.

See, today we sat around in a circle and read John Milton's "Paradise Lost". Now, that alone, with the little anxiety I had before class, made me nervous. We take turns reading and, uh, I am not the best reader when it comes to reading out loud. To myself, I'm a quick reader but I hate public speaking. Anyway, I was okay with it, I can usually handle that... until someone in class called God a... well, let's just say it's one of the worst things someone can call God. I immediately went "WHOA" and said it loud, in the person's direction. He tried to explain himself, and I understood what he was trying to say, but the fact that he called God that specific word really ticked me off. Our professor tried to bring things back into perspective and say things the way they should've been said... but I was peeved, and so was the girl who sat next to me. Even she said it was a bit extreme to call Him that word. I said out loud that I was offended and made it clear that I was upset.

I don't care what your religious beliefs are... you NEVER insult God with that word. EVER! If you disagree with Catholicism or Christianity, that's your prerogative, just be careful how you phrase things because people will be offended if you don't. I'm just saying. I think that's what might've triggered my whole "I can't breathe; anxiety; must leave class 'cause I feel sick" thing. The guy kept glancing at me after that. Hey, if you insult God, I will make it known that it's completely unacceptable. I would've said more to him about how completely disrespectful that was and given him my 2 cents but that would've just opened up a bigger can on worms. I am prepared to back up my feelings on Wednesday (if the Lord gives me enough strength to make it through without anxiety) if the guy wants to clear up what he said.

So, there you go. If you ever want to get me angry, that's the way to do it.
Man, if I wasn't already feeling like I was going to lose it (anxiety-wise) I would've spoken my mind until there was no tomorrow. Okay and... rant over, I promise.

Okay, well, I should probably email my professor as to why I left early so I'm going to do that.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

P.S. Check out my new friend Matthew's blog Fallible Blogma. It's awesome!

Remember to Vote!

I have my make-up English Lit midterm exam tomorrow so I will make this VERY short.

Please remember to vote tomorrow! Every vote counts, and it looks like this election will be close. I'm voting just as any good Catholic/Christian citizen would. No need to tell you how I feel about the propositions or candidates. I hope y'all will do the same... even if people get upset with you for it, just like my dad did with me. Yes, he's angry at me for voting for a certain candidate. *shakes head* I am definitely not apologetic, though. I love my dad and all but I simply cannot vote for a candidate that's pro-abortion... I just can't.

Alright, well, I have a LONG day ahead of me... voting in the early morning, midterm after that, Philosophy of Logic after that, more English after that. Oh, the joys of being a college student. lol.

REMEMBER TO VOTE! 'Til next time, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Midterms? Final? HELP!; I Love Saints!.

Sorry it's taken me nearly a week to post another blog. This is the hardest week I'll have this semester, hence the lack of updates. I have my Oceanography final tomorrow morning (WHOO-HOO!). The English Literature midterm is on Monday morning. History of Great World Religions' midterm starts this coming weekend (the 30th) but that's an essay so I'm not too worried about it. After that, normal work until finals week... with one less class to do. WHOO!!! I would do a cartwheel right now if I didn't have these giants, painful stress knots all over my back. But, it's just 3 more days until the work lessens. I've had my crazy schedule for 8 weeks so far, I think I can make it 3 more days. lol. Despite my knots and occasional stress (the next door neighbor thinks she's the only one who lives in the area -- such loud music), I am pretty mellow about my exams. I don't know why. Might be because I've worked hard so far (though, I'll admit, probably not as hard as I should've) and because I'm pretty confident I will (hopefully) pass. I'll hopefully get my Oceanography final grade sometime next week. Fingers crossed it's a good grade. The man's grading on a curve, so I'm a little worried. :D

Quick note: We've officially started the Christianity section of the History of Great World Religions class and both St. Thomas Aquinas AND St. Teresa of Avila are mentioned. WHOO! :D

Have I mentioned how much I LOVE saints? I truly do. Last night, I was feeling horrible -- stomach pains, feeling faint, a gross feeling; most likely because of something I ate -- so I said a little prayer, "Oh, St. Timothy, if it's something related to my stomach, please help me get over this so I can go finish my History assignments that are due tonight". A little while later, all better. :D I made it 15 minutes under the deadline. That's how close I was cutting it due to the... well, whatever it was. Also, yesterday I received the WONDERFUL news that my financial aid appeal had been approved and I will be receiving aid for my books for the rest of the year. YAY!!! :D The Novena to St. Jude totally came through for me. :D Mom seemed somewhat shocked when she told me it was very apparent that I had such a strong faith/belief in the saints and their intercessions. Not only the saints, but in prayer. I feel like this is helping me out with my ultimate mission. What my ultimate mission/goal is... you'll have to wait until my next blog because I am exhausted (5 hours of sleep), I have confessions in a little while AND I still have to plan my attack on the final exam tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to write either Monday afternoon or Tuesday. We'll see. :D

'Til next time... thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

L.A. is Burning; Confession Confessions

Ladies and gentlemen, the San Fernando Valley part of Los Angeles is burning! There was a fire to the northeast and not there's one to the north/northwest part. I was wondering what smelled funky (like burnt toast with something else) when I woke up at 5 in the morning and on the way to English Lit I saw that it was because of the fire. When I got out of class, I noticed ANOTHER fire had started north of us. I took this picture closer to my house. It's the eeriest thing to see the closer you get. Please pray that those who have their homes near the mountains are able to get out safely! And please pray for those who can't breathe due to the smoke in the air (I had issues on the way to school). Here is news on the first fire, you can see more pictures here and on the second fire which is closer to my house.

EDIT: If you live near the fires (either Lakeview Terrance or in Porter Ranch) and need to evacuated with your large animals like horses, you can take them to Pierce College in Woodland Hills. Cal State Northridge University and L.A. Mission College are closed.

Moving on...

I had a VERY interesting experience at confessions on Saturday. I was waiting for an HOUR to get confessed because there was an unusually high number of people there. I think the Lord wanted me to wait it out (I usually don't if the lines are that long) because this older woman started talking to me about her experiences. I asked her if she was in line to confess and she said she wasn't. She then told me that she'd gone in hopes to confess but since it had been several years since she last confessed. I sat in one pew and she sat behind me and we started talking about that. I tried my hardest to convince her to confess and brought up the point of how important it is because, what if you die with a mortal or venial sin? We spent maybe 20 minutes talking. She told me her story and all. Finally, when I went to the second line (the bilingual priest is faster), she got the courage to get in line with me and she confessed!! She went before me because, as she said, she didn't want to back out again. She later came by and said her goodbyes, giving me a hug and a kiss on the cheek "for everything". That made me feel happy! I'm so glad she went through it! :D Then an older man stood behind me and talked about how he hadn't been to that parish in 40 years (!!!) and we talked a bit about that and about confession. I've NEVER had that happen to me. Has any one? It was a very interesting, but very wonderful experience. :D

Alright, that's it for now. I know, so short! Go on and do a little happy dance! Haha. :D Hope everyone has a good week this week. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.

It's Fall? Nooo.; (Great!) Anxiety Update; Be Like a Child.

It's definitely NOT Fall in Southern California. At least not in my neck of the woods. When I was on my way home from English Lit, the sign read 99 degrees Fahrenheit. It's slightly cooler where I live (campus is in a different suburb/district) but it's still well over 90 degrees. When my group rehearsed for our upcoming Shakespeare skit, we had to seek shade after about 2 minutes in the sun... it's that unbearable. We had to look for a shade before we could continue with our plan to make the entire class laugh. :D

And while I'm on the topic of the skit... I'm SO EXCITED for it. Again, not just because we get to dress up one of the guys as a girl. (It's gonna take a lot for me not to laugh the way we have it planned. lol.) :D A few months ago I would've dreaded doing this and would've probably done all I could to get out of it. Not so much now. I truly think St. Dymphna has really interceded for me in a big way. That and the Lord showed His mercy on me, after all those times I would ask Him in mid-panic attack (while sobbing) to help me understand why I would get that sick. At the beginning of the year, until probably around mid-late July, anything would trigger a panic attack. It was very bad. I'd say it's the worst time I've had since I first started getting the symptoms (when I was 15). When I started cognitive-behavioral therapy, my anxiety actually got a bit worse before it got better, mainly because I had to talk about things that upset me and it would just make me more anxious. But I'm extremely grateful I had to do it all. I'm also blessed to have a therapist who's Catholic because when I mention things like the importance of going to Mass, or praying to St. Dymphna for her intercession, she gets it. I'm so happy that I'm able to do a lot of things, including travel, that I couldn't because of my anxiety. I'm able to stand in front of people and don't freak out. It's amazing. I've been truly blessed. I won't say more because I've already written much about it. You can read more about it and about St. Dymphna (including prayers to her) in an earlier post I wrote. For the record, I keep bringing this topic up because I know a lot of people who land on my blog do so because they're looking for information regarding Catholicism and anxiety. I hope I've helped those who come in search of answers. :D

Another way I've been able to keep myself from going nutty (so much homework, not enough time. lol) is being more child like. I'm taking St. Therese of Lisieux's advice. I'm doing these little things that I hope the Lord will appreciate. I've also reverted to my pre-anxiety self -- all silly and goofy. I've gotten to the point where I see absolutely no reason why I should stress over little things I used to wig out about. I've started singing and dancing around my room and the living room, like I used to when I was younger. It's the way I shake stress off. I'm not being childish but I'm just doing simple little things that make me happy. And from that happiness, I get more excited about praying and about my faith. It all works out. :D

Alright, well, I'm going to do precisely what I just said... I'm going to sing and dance in a completely dorky/silly way to get some of the stress out. I have a lot due today so I need to get happy before I can proceed. :D

I hope y'all are having a good week... and aren't in the same hot weather as I am. Oy. lol. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Changes on Blog; Register to Vote!

Semi-quick blog tonight because I have an appointment at the optometrist. My eyes are getting worse. I can't even see properly with either glasses or contacts anymore. I made it through an hour and about 10 minutes (leaving a bit early) of my English Lit class because my head and eyes were seriously aching. On the bright side, my group's pretty much ready for the presentation in that classes; we just have to rehearse. Is it bad that I'm looking forward to dressing up one of the guys in the group as a girl? Hey, it's Shakespeare and it's historically accurate (not to mention hilarious). Teehee. lol.

I changed the blog template as well as removed some widgets. I also added some new links and things. After 10 months of the same thing, I needed to change it a bit. I'll hopefully personalize (change) the template even more when I have time to work on it. I think the simplicity of this new one. Whoo! :D

I do not normally discuss politics because I try to avoid conflict and arguments. I will say that I am about to change my political party. I registered (on the day of my 18th birth date, no less) as a Democrat because both of my parents are Democrats. Of course, since coming back to the Church and really learning about the Dems and the Republicans, I decided I needed to change my affiliation. Man, a lot of change going on today, eh? lol. Anyway, I've decided to register as not having a political party. Yes, you can do that. Well, at least in California you can. I don't agree with much of the liberal points of the view in the Democratic party, but I also dislike some Republican points of view (especially when it comes to discrimination against illegal immigrants -- don't get me started on that topic!). Remaining neutral is best. When it comes to nominating the NEXT candidate for president in another 4 years, I might re-register if I feel strongly about a candidate.

One more thing... I stumbled on this video of Eduardo Verastegui urging voters to make the right decision this coming presidential election. It's in Spanish but it has subtitles for those of you who don't speak or understand Spanish. (Thank goodness my parents raised me bilingual!)


Makes you think, doesn't it? I'm going to get A LOT of grief from some of my friends for what I just posted but I needed to. I don't even want to think what they'd say if they knew how I was voting on the California Prop 8. If you know about the proposition, it doesn't take much to guess how I'm voting. I have some friends who aren't Catholic, or even Christian, so we don't see eye to eye on issues like these. In fact, I've lost two close friends because I'm against things (like birth control and abortion) that they are in favor of. Yes, seriously.

And... funny thing, I received this in the mail while writing the blog. (Love the coincidence.) :D

From Journey of a Catholic Nerd Writer

Alright, well I must go. Keep your fingers crossed that my eyesight won't stay this crummy... or get worse! Nope, I'm gonna be optimistic. :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.
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Thank you St. Joseph of Cupertino and St. Thomas Aquinas!

I'm in shock, but BEYOND ecstatic! Ladies and gentlemen... I've passed my Oceanography midterm exam! Yes, seriously! I was 2 points from an A as well. I'm truly shocked! I didn't think I would pass the exam because I was so out of it and I didn't even finish the essays because I was so stressed out. But I passed. Thank you, Prof. Dewart! And, a big, huge special thank you to St. Joseph of Cupertino (patron saint of exams/test takers) and St. Thomas Aquinas (patron saint of students). I asked for their intercessions. Really, I asked for at least a low C but they completely came through for me. My confidence just shot through the roof! I was honestly dreading not passing my Oceanography class (which would be a first for me; I'm sort of a nerd, lol) because it's the most intense but I'm so confident that I'll pass it now! :D I feel like doing a cartwheel but I still kind of crummy from the second cold (yes, it's officially the second one) so I'll wait until I get better to celebrate. :D

Oh, and I wanted to share the prayers I said to both saints in case any of you want to use them in the future for your studies and exams.

St. Joseph of Cupertino
O St. Joseph of Cupertino who by your prayer obtained from God to be asked at your examination, the only preposition you knew. Grant that I may like you succeed in the (here mention the name of Examination eg. History paper I ) examination.
In return I promise to make you known and cause you to be invoked.
O St. Joseph of Cupertino pray for me
O Holy Ghost enlighten me
Our Lady of Good Studies pray for me
Sacred Head of Jesus, Seat of divine wisdom, enlighten me.

St. Thomas Aquinas
Creator of all things,
true source of light and wisdom,
origin of all being,
graciously let a ray of your light penetrate
the darkness of my understanding.
Take from me the double darkness
in which I have been born,
an obscurity of sin and ignorance.
Give me a keen understanding,
a retentive memory, and
the ability to grasp things
correctly and fundamentally.
Grant me the talent
of being exact in my explanations
and the ability to express myself
with thoroughness and charm.
Point out the beginning,
direct the progress,
and help in the completion.
I ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Alright, I have a World's Great Religions assignment to finish... then finish this week's Oceanography assignment... then work on the English Lit critical analysis of "Wife of Bath" by Chaucer... etc. Yes, more school craziness for me. Hopefully next blog I'll be able to share this beautiful dream I had where that involved a golden crucifix I found. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

P.S. Oh, also a big thank you to St. Therese of Lisieux as well. I had a very bad morning yesterday (health wise) and I prayed for her intercession -- ended up falling asleep and woke up so much better. Have I mentioned how much I love her and her story? That will also be coming up soon. :D
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Missing Mass; Prayer Updates: St. Timothy, St. Dymphna, & St. Martha.

I feel very childish today. Why? Because I cried when I found out I wasn't going to make it to Mass. Mom comforted me (as she always does) saying that things happen for a reason and that God knew that I wanted to be in Mass but couldn't.

See, I had my Oceanography class today. I'm taking a fast paced 8-week Oceanography course that meets once a week on Sundays. I had already planned on leaving early so I could make it to my usual Mass (last English Mass at my parish). Luckily, the professor let us out an hour early since it was the first meeting. I was excited because it meant we would be able to make it to Mass. We stopped at a Target on the way to kill a little bit of time. BIG mistake. When it came time to leave for the parish the car failed to start. Dad took some time trying to find a gas can and then to walk to the gas station. By this time, it was about 15-20 minutes into the Mass. I still had hope we could rush there and at least make half of it. Dad comes back with the gas and then... the car STILL won't start. He then decided to ask people if they would give a jump start to the car's battery in case that was a problem. Quite a few people said no until a woman took pity on us and brought her truck to help. I'm glad we had the jumper cables or else it might've been even more difficult to find help. We finally left the Target parking lot around the time the Mass would've ended. I ended up in tears on the way home.

So, as you can see, it was a pain and it wasn't like I didn't want to go to Mass, I just couldn't because of the car stalling. This is something I always do -- the tearing up. I always get really sad when I can't make it to Mass. *sigh* I'm even MORE bummed out than usual because I had dedicated the Mass as a thanks to Our Lady of Guadalupe and St. Timothy for their intercessions. (Though I will keep why I gave to Our Lady to myself. That's between her and I. :D)

For those of you who have read my blog long enough, you know how I suffered from an intestinal virus (which I got around the time I started traveling) a few months ago. It took about 2 months for it to completely leave my system. It totally threw my digestive system out of whack. I started asking St. Timothy for his intercession (since he is the patron saint of digestive and intestinal problems) and it started getting better. Thankfully, I'm back to normal now and my way of saying "Thank you" to St. Timothy was the Mass. Oh, and while I'm publicly saying thanks to St. Timothy (WHOO!) I want to update some of you on other miracles other saints have done recently.

To further prove how amazing St. Dymphna is (my anxiety is virtually gone now!), I have yet another miracle she's done for someone else. A few months ago, in May, I wrote about the husband of a friend/co-worker of my mother's (Roadtrips, Relationships, Tests, and Prayers Everywhere -- second to last paragraph). Remember how I mentioned he was suicidal? Well, they kept tabs on him and he actually DID read the prayer daily. It seems to have really helped him! He's back to his old self, pre-suicide attempts! It made me SO happy to hear that and I hope that others will see that prayer works! Depression, anxiety, panic disorder, etc; just pray for her intercession and St. Dympnha will help you out. :D

Also, St. Martha has helped my mom out a lot lately at work. Mom said both times she's asked St. Martha for her intercession, it seems like either the time has flown or like there wasn't much heavy labor work to do in the first place.

You can always go straight to Christ and ask him for help or you can find the saint that's the patron of a particular thing and ask them for their intercession. Either way, prayer works... and boy, does it! :D

Alright, well, I have to go read/finish "Beowulf" for my English Lit class tomorrow. Oy, I don't even want to think about how long the day will be. lol. :D I hope everyone had a nice weekend! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.
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The Rose of St. Jude Thaddeus

Almost two weeks ago dad got 3 roses from the rose bush in front of our home. He put two in front of a statue of Our Lady of Guadalupe that's in his room and one in front of the statues of St. Jude Thaddeus that are in my room. All three were placed in their own water, in the exact same type of glasses, etc. What's odd, in an amazing way, is that the roses that were placed in front of Our Lady wilted within a few days. The rose that's in front of St. Jude has not wilted that much. Really, almost not at all. We don't know why it's lasted so long but we're amazed that it has. I took a picture of it with my camera phone since my digital camera needs batteries (which I still need to get). Oh, and the rose looks better in person than it does in that picture.

We haven't done anything to the rose. It, like the roses that were placed in front of Our Lady, were kept inside with the air conditioner on (we have a central AC so the air's distributed equally throughout the house). Nothing's been added to the tap water that was used. It's definitely weird, in a good way, though. I still have a few days to go in a novena I'm saying to St. Jude as well. I started a novena before we noticed the rose's staying power, though. I don't know what's up but I just thought I'd share this little story with y'all. Maybe it's St. Jude's way of letting me know he's listening to me? If so, man, what an awesome patron saint! :D He's already done so much for me; never lets a prayer go unanswered. :D

Hmm... I wonder if the pink roses I left in front of the Our Lady statue at our parish, last Sunday, have wilted yet. They probably have. *sad sigh*. I'll find out when I go to Mass on Sunday! :D

Alright, well, I have to go read the "argument" section of my Philosophy textbook and then read "Beowulf" for my English Lit course (trying to get everything done a.s.a.p. so I can enjoy the weekend). That is all for now.

'Til next time, thanks for reading and God Bless.
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Decisions and Changes.

If you had the choice to attend a school where you were comfortable at and would be receiving a great amount to attend, but knew you would struggle to stay morally and spiritually right, would you stay? If you had the alternative of attending another school where you would have a hard time in terms of financial aid and stress, but knew that you would be able to stay on the right path, would you rather go there? These were the questions that I had/have to deal with.

I was excited about attending school A (where I was comfortable) but I was noticing that, though I tried to stay as righteous as I could, I would struggle. In the first 2 days that I went to my courses at school A, I was very surprised at how quickly I'd fallen back into the routine I had when I first attended said school. This was prior to my coming back to the Church. I swore like a sailor (and I'm ashamed of that). It was a lot easier for me to say the Lord's name in vain (even though I didn't really think about doing it). I think that's what the problem was... I didn't think my actions through before I did them. I caught myself MANY TIMES coming very close to saying the Lord's name in vain this past week. All unintentionally but, ugh, I hate doing that. Thankfully, I was able to stop myself. I saw myself going back to the way I was and I refuse to be that person again. I've worked very hard to get where I am now. Not only that, I simply don't want to offend God in any way, shape, or form. I have too much love and respect for Him and the Church to do that. That meant I had to do the hard thing and leave a place of comfort to go somewhere I would be humbled.

Last night, I dropped all my courses and decided to go back to school B where I was at last fall. Everyone's pretty shocked that I did this because I've always said that I completely disliked school B but I feel like it's for the best. I will have financial aid issues with school B but I would rather get little to no financial aid than to compromise my beliefs and turn myself back to who I was then. At school A, I would be taking my Philosophy and Religious Studies courses with mostly ultra-liberal professors (with the exception of the Philosophy of Religion class I was taking). At school B, I am more free to express my beliefs about God and about faith without the professors penalizing me for it. And, at school B I know that I can stay on the path that I was going down on, which is a path of prayer, without it being such an issue like it was at school A. I don't think I ever swore/cursed at any point when I attend school B.

The argument that I could be at either school and just really work hard at not straying has come up in my mind. I completely agree... but I also think that I'm still learning how to stay on the right path. I'm very strong willed and all but there are some things I still need to work on and going to school A would just set me back.

I see it this way -- for example: Let's say you're completely bored and want to go see a movie. Film A (which represent school A) is a very mature rated R movie that you could go watch for free, and you'll even get free popcorn and a drink. You know it would be bad for you because of the content but you say to yourself that it's just a movie; no big deal. You'll just cover your eyes during certain scenes. Now, let's say Film B (school B) is a tame, rated G movie that you have to pay your last $20 to see. You know that you'll be broke if you see it but know that the content won't be unsuitable. With Film A, you can try to cover your eyes but there's always the temptation and the possibility of watching the icky scenes in a moment of weakness. With Film B, yes, you'll be broke but you won't feel guilty afterward and won't have to go to confession for it. Which would you choose? Hopefully, Film B... which is what I did. I would rather have to work hard physically and mentally to keep myself ahead (and basically be broke) than to work hard to keep myself spiritually and morally right with many temptations around. It's easier to fall in situation/film/school A than it is in B.

So, now I will have yet another first day of school when I return to school B next Wednesday. I already have my courses set, and I've spoken to professors who have vowed to help me out (I have an amazing English Lit professor) in case I need it. I'm armed with my Rosary and novena so I am not going to stress out, and am surprisingly anxiety and stress free -- SERIOUSLY!, because I have faith that God will help me if I truly need it. This is yet another one of those obstacles that I have to get through to become a better person.

Okay, I think I've bored y'all enough with my little situation. lol. I hope to have time to write quite a bit soon. I STILL have a blog I'm planning so keep your eyes out for it.

I will be praying for of all you who are going back to school. Anyone else counting down the days 'til Christmas break? I already am. Hahaha. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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