A Lenten Beginning: Sacrifices, Laments, and a Humble Plan

As I write this, I'm sitting cross-legged on my bed, awaiting the EWTN app on my Roku to turn on so that Mom and I can watch the "live" (read: rebroadcast from earlier) Mass from Rome in a couple of minutes. Since Mom is much more comfortable with the Spanish language, we're going to watch it on the EWTN en Español feed. As you can guess by this action, we were unable to get to Mass today.

We knew that we weren't going to be able to go to the 7 a.m. or noon-time Masses because of the heavy rain predicted for those times but I had hope for the 7 p.m. Mass. Sadly, due to the rain (it apparently hasn't stopped raining all day) and the flooding in the streets, we're going to be stuck at our apartment until possibly Friday. Insert sad panda face here. Thankfully, we stocked up on food and other possible necessities in anticipation of the rain and street flooding so we'll be fine stuck inside for a couple of days.

I really, really wanted to get to confession and Mass today. I wanted those ashes on my forehead. I wanted to start Lent "right." I'm currently fighting back tears from the disappointment and the frustration of it all. I know it's silly but I cannot shake off the feeling that I'm not starting Lent the proper way. Or, at the very least, the way I wanted it to start. It's bad enough that I cannot fast nor abstain from meat. I feel like this penitential season is easier for me than everyone else and it makes me feel like I'm a terrible Catholic as a result. I'm constantly reminded of how my daily life is compromised of continuous sacrifices and penances but it still doesn't seem like enough.

My (once again) vitamin D-deficiency-induced chronic fatigue makes me sacrifice my social life and having a "normal" work life outside the home. It also requires me to swallow my pride and ask for help when I cannot do something myself; something hard for someone as independent and (once) active as I am. I also think that I end up sacrificing my want of a husband and family because these things aren't exactly guy magnets. On the contrary, they scare guys away.

I know my life isn't "easy" but I'm so used to it that I don't even consider it hard. This is because I have the luxury of being able to work from home and thus sleep as much as my body requires it. I have a roof over my head and we've been able to create a household budget to be able to afford the food that helps keep me fed and as healthy as possible. I've chosen to help my mother with the household expenses through whatever freelance writing work I can get. I help take care of her when she needs it but I don't have other responsibilities beyond that. I'm so very fortunate in many ways others aren't.

Sure, I can't go on vacation or buy any material things that I may want. If I want something, I have to work hard and save up for it for months if it requires money. Even then, I think long and hard about whether I truly need it instead of just wanting it. If I don't need it, I end up giving it up for something that is necessary. But I see this all as a part of being an adult; of putting needs ahead of wants.

I guess this is something I have to work on this Lenten season -- being okay with my limitations and letting go of all the things I want to do (or think I need to do).

Humility is my chosen word this Lent; my chosen virtue to work on to combat that wounded pride that my independent and egotistical nature struggles with when I have to admit "defeat"; to admit that I can't do what I want to and do what I can. Lord knows how much this proud gal needs to be humbled and I'm hoping God grants me the graces necessary to become and stay humble. I hope all of this will make me be more open to His plans and will for my life; that it will make me more worthy of an eternity in Heaven.

I feel like this plan -- to cultivate humility -- was set in motion when I did the 54-day Rosary novena late last year when I asked to become more like our Blessed Mother. In a providential twist, she and St. Therese -- another beautiful model of humility -- became my co-patronesses for the year; my models who have also been my constant companions over the last couple of months. I didn't know why both kept popping up in my life so much but now it's starting to make sense. So, that is what I'm going to do -- look at their lives, learn from them, and work on emulating them this season and beyond. There is also something else -- or, I should say, someone else through a specific devotion -- that I will focus on during Lent that will hopefully help with my focus but it deserve its own blog post so stay tuned for that.

Does anyone else have any particular goals they're working on during Lent?

Anyway, this is it for now. I have some Lenten reflections to get to before it gets any later in the day.

I hope you're all having a good start to the Lenten season.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!

"But, Emmy... it's Lent!" Oops?

*sings along to some of my favorite songs.*

"Emmy, you can't do that! It's Lent!"

*dances around the living room or bedroom as a form of exercise."

"You can't do that, either! It's Lent!"

Oops?

I've been feeling really great the last 2-3 days so I've been singing and dancing... and twirling around in skirts and dresses since it's been summer-weather hot lately. I have a little more color in my cheeks (hello, rosy-hue I've missed) and I've been able to dance and have hour-long walks without problems. I think it's been the combo of whatever was working against me wearing off as well as the change in my diet and exercise regime. I even woke up 2 hours earlier than usual yesterday and today... on my own. I was feeling gratitude for the upswing and then... "But, Emmy... it's Lent!"

Yes, I know it's Lent. Yes, I know it's a penitential season. Um, hi. Have you read my blog posts since Lent has begun? I'm very well aware what this season is about. Still, I didn't really think that I couldn't feel happy about the change in things. I didn't know that my form of exercise (usually dancing, walking, or hiking; mostly dancing and walking when I can't get to a local mountain range) was prohibited because it was Lent. I didn't know I wasn't allowed to sing. Oops?

I usually field these questions on social media because it's the way to get quicker and more responses but I'm abstaining from social media so here's my question for those who may know more about it than I do: are singing and dancing not allowed during Lent?

Like I said, I'm aware that this is a season of penance and thinking about Christ's suffering and death. I've been praying the Sorrowful Mysteries every day except Sundays during Lent. I've been watching the daily Mass on EWTN or, at least, reading the daily readings and meditating on them. I know there shouldn't be much celebrating but... I didn't know I had to be only quiet and solemn the 40 days of Lent. If I've been doing something I shouldn't be doing, someone please correct me.

Anyway, I just wanted to put this question out there. Someone, please, let me know if that's just a scrupulous POV or if I really need to tone down my singing and dancing. I get why it's not the best idea but I also wonder if it's taking it too far. In fact, I keep thinking about this meme:

Just, help a sister out. OH! And, for the friends who've emailed me and texted me with concern after reading the latest blog posts, you can FaceTime me or ask for proof that I'm not as sick as you might think. I'll be okay. No worries, my dears. :D
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And now back to working on my research paper. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Was Going to Mass Worth Getting Sick?

After I blogged about missing Mass last weekend, I emailed one of our favorite local priests about what I could do regarding my terrible no-Mass streak. His advice was simple: keep trying. Try to make it to a Sunday Mass and keep aiming for every Mass time until I can get to one. If I can't go on a Sunday, try to go on a Monday... on a Tuesday... on a Wednesday (and so on) until I get myself to Mass. On Monday, I took his advice... with a little twist: I decided to watch the daily Mass on EWTN until I could physically attend Mass.

I set up my iPod touch alarm at 3:50 p.m. (PT) for a repeat of the daily Mass since it's on live at 5 a.m. when I'm usually either asleep or about to fall asleep again (if I drive Mom to work). Every day (except for Friday), I turned it on. I only made it through Wednesday before distractions popped up during that time. I watched part of Thursday and none on Friday. No, I didn't watch it on Friday but I made it to an actual Mass that day which was much better!

Can you hear the angels singing? Yes, I finally went to Mass! Not only was it a Latin Mass (which is our family's preference) but it was celebrated by one of my favorite priests and I got to share that time with friends who inspire me to be more faithful. Our young adult group had planned on meeting up after Mass and an hour of Adoration and Benediction. I absolutely loved it, despite the 40-something degree temperature (more on this a bit later). There wasn't confession beforehand and we spent a good 45 minutes or so just trying to get to the church (when it should be half that long) but it was heavenly. I felt that wonderful inner peace I get when I attend Latin Masses. Even though I wasn't able to receive the Eucharist (I have to let them know that I'm going to need the low-gluten hosts and, of course, go to confession first), my heart was full of love and peaceful contentment.

The hour of adoration was new for me. I've never done more than 30 minutes of adoration and the last couple of times were hard for me because I get so distracted and the time seemed to go slowly. Not on Friday. The time went by way too fast for me. I prayed the Rosary, the chaplet of Divine Mercy, the evening prayers of the Little Office, the chaplet of St. Michael Archangel, and then had a couple of minutes of silent reflection. I wish I had gotten more time in silence but it was still a wonderful time for me... and it inspired me to do it more often.

After adoration and benediction, the group met up and we spent about an hour or so just chatting amongst ourselves and with our spiritual adviser. I was very glad that I had gone since I have been on the fence about going for a good 36 hours. Why was I on the fence? I was worried about getting sick due to the cold weather and my lack of warm clothing. Guess what ended up happening...

The last group meeting I had attended (in mid-January; we meet twice a month), it had been about as cold or colder than Friday. I had been fine since I had worn a longer skirt and ugly faux-Ugg boots to stay warm. This time I wore a knee-length dress with heels (I couldn't find boots in time). I thought I would be fine since I still wore fleece-line tights which are designed to keep you warm. I probably would have been okay if we hadn't been standing outside in 40-something degree weather for about half an hour (total). Long story short: circumstances beyond our control kept us outside longer than we anticipated. I felt it in my throat when I got home and then I really felt it the next morning when I got up at 4 a.m. Ruh-oh.

I ended up having to cancel today's trip to the dentist (I was supposed to go down to Baja California, Mexico for that). I hope to try again next weekend (and pray that my broken molar doesn't get infected between now and then since it's now been a month since it chipped). Since it's been raining, on and off, this about 2 a.m. and I've had a sore throat (and now a slight cough at times) and my mom is still recovering from her own cold, we decided it was more prudent to wait so we wouldn't get more sick.

Was my getting sick (after I had been warned not to get sick since my white blood count - amongst other things - was so low at the last draw) worth attending Mass? Was the delay of getting my broken molar fixed worth it? I think so! I haven't gotten sick (neither cold nor flu) in about 2-3 years and this cold (chill?) seems to be very mild compared to previous viruses. For that I'm thankful. Now, I'm not advocating risking your health to attend Mass -- especially since Mom and I aren't going to Mass today because we're still nursing our colds (I'm pretty sure I'm currently contagious, too) and it's really cold outside -- but going to Mass did three wonderful things.

First: it made me face my fears. I was scared that I would get sick (which ended up happening anyway, lol) if I attended because I knew it was cold. Still, I trusted that God would take care of me and that He would give me the strength to endure if it I did get sick.

Second: it helped me remember that I need to work on trusting Him. I had been doing well in this department but, somewhere post-Advent and Christmastide I had lost my way again. I've gotten sick but I'm doing okay. Trust. Now I'm going to trust that He will help me not get an infection between now and next weekend... or that He will help guide me to dental help that doesn't cost an arm and a leg around here before then.

Third: it helped me remember how much I love Mass and how I would rather face my fears than not attend Mass again. I don't like missing Mass. I don't like the restlessness that comes with my putting distance between God and myself, which I always feel like I do when I don't make it to Mass. My fears are not worth being away from Him.

I will continue to watch the daily Mass on EWTN when I cannot make it to daily Mass at the local parish or to our new (and temporary until the FSSP priests can get their own) parish. I will continue to push myself and even try to find ways to get cheap rides (can't afford to pay taxi cabs on my limited budget) to Mass in case I can't physically drive. Even if I'm lightheaded, I can usually be okay as long as I can sit. I'm sure God will understand if I sit when I should be kneeling as long as I'm there. Following the advice of one of our FSSP priests, I also plan on purchasing low-gluten hosts to take with me to Mass whenever I can attend... and talk to the priests at the local parish about how we can work this out for daily Mass.

I will also be more kind to myself when I can't physically attend. I'm actually not beating myself up right now because I know that going to Mass today is probably not a good idea, for several reasons that include being contagious, it raining on and off, and knowing that my immune system was considered fragile at last blood draw. I will catch the 9 p.m. encore of the daily Mass on EWTN since I slept until 11:30 a.m. this morning.

Anyway, these are all my (long and detailed; sorry!) thoughts for the day. I'm going to try to eat something and try to hydrate myself while I wait for the daily Mass to begin on EWTN. I'll be praying for everyone who is going out to Mass in inclement weather.

OH! And don't forget to enter for your chance to win a Magnificat Lenten Companion app! It ends on Tuesday at midnight, Eastern time. 29 hours from when I'm writing this... go! ;)

I hope you all have a blessed weekend. I hope to write before Ash Wednesday because I'm going to give up two big things and I'm going to need quite a few people to keep me accountable, especially those who follow me on several social media platforms.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati DVD and Book Reviews

These will be quick, spoiler-free reviews on a DVD and a couple of books on Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati. If you want more info on them, feel free to ask me; fangirl is always looking for a reason to talk about one of her favorite (soon-to-be) saints. ;)

Sanctity Within Reach: Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati. The DVD, which is an EWTN production, is broken down into three section: Family Life (26 minutes), Social Life (27 minutes), and Spiritual Life (almost 27 minutes). In those (nearly) 90 minutes, you get a good portrait of who Bl. PGF was. His niece, Wanda Gawronska, gives us details not found in books (such as the origin of his full name -- Pier Giorgio Michaelangelo Frassati -- and how the family life was). For those of you who are visual, there are plenty of photographs not found in books written about him. For someone who isn't a bookworm like yours truly, this would be a great way to introduce to this soon-to-be saint (last miracle currently being investigated) to someone.

Pier Giorgio Frassati: Letters to His Friends and Family did not disappoint one bit. The book is basically a compilation of letters, postcards, and telegrams he wrote from ages 5 until the day before his death. As I wrote a couple of days ago, a lot of what was written sounded very relevant to our times. I felt like I got a really good portrait of who he was; his sense of humor, his humility, his selflessness, and his love for God and his country. The last letter (which was a message) was written with his hand half-paralyzed, to a friend, asking the friend to please deliver some injections to a poor man who needed them. If I do end up becoming a lay Dominican (which I'm currently discerning), I'm going to give credit to this book.

I've already given a mini review of My Brother Pier Giorgio: His Last Days by his sister, Luciana Frassati, earlier this week. This was a really hard book for me, personally, to get through because (as I mentioned in the mini review) a lot of it reminded me of what I went through with my own father. Having seen my father slip away and die (I was in the room when he took his last breath) brought out some PTSD symptoms that made it difficult for me to get through this book. However, I did and it was well worth the read. Yes, I sobbed but it was also inspirational. I highly recommend it to all. Have your tissues ready, especially if you're sensitive.

While I do own (and have owned, for many years) A Man of the Beatitudes: Pier Giorgio Frassati by Luciana Frassati, I haven't actually finished reading it. In fact, I'm going to have to start all over again because I've forgotten what I've read thus far. I lent it to a friend (who then kept it for a very long time) but it is on my list. I'll review it when I eventually finish it. Not sure when that will be since I have a queue from the library but it will be fairly soon if the Los Angeles Public Library keep taking their time trying to get the other books to me. ;)

The only fictional work based on his life, To The Heights by Brian Kennelly, was a good, engrossing read... but there were moments when I questioned whether Bl. PGF would actually act in a certain manner or say certain things. Of course, the dialogue is partly based on his (Bl. PGF's) letters and other facts but the other part of it is based on the author's imagination. After reading the books by his sister, reading part of the letters he wrote to his family and friends, and watching the DVD, I had created a portrait of who Bl. PGF was that image didn't fit with what was written a couple of times. However, I kept reminded myself that this was meant to be "based on" and not "fact based" so I was able to enjoy it nonetheless.

And that's it for now. I'm still hoping to have my Spanish-language blog up and running tomorrow so I need to go work on that as well as tomorrow's blog post for this blog.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

Happy Liturgical New Year!

Our Advent wreath we use every year.

It's the first day of Advent so... Happy Liturgical New Year, everyone! Today the Advent wreath goes on the table (and is blessed), part of the Nativity is set up in the living room, and I go into uber Catholic nerd mode because it (Advent into Christmas) is my most favorite time of year. The start of Advent this year also marks the beginning of the St. Andrew Christmas novena (I do it from the 30th of November through Christmas Eve instead of the 16th of December through 24th) AND the Year of Consecrated Life! Not only that, my godson Neil was baptized yesterday so I have a lot of reason to celebrate and be happy. Can you blame me for geeking out today? lol.

I'm going to keep this short and sweet because it is Sunday and I do want to rest (though I've been stuck at home, in bed, for the past three days...) but I wanted to help some of y'all find solid online Advent calendars.

1) XT3 has done an amazing job every Advent and Lent since they began doing virtual calendars for the seasons. It seems like they're doing something new this year (keeping it more simple instead of going a flashier route) so it'll be interesting to see how the rest of the calendar will be presented this year.

2) The Irish Catholic Bishops' Conference is doing an Advent Calendar this year. I personally don't know much about the website but I am a Hibernophile (I have a great love for Ireland) and I do have quite a bit of Irish blog readers (yes, I've seen the stats before) so I decided to include it. So far it looks pretty solid and I will definitely check it out this Advent.

3) EWTN doesn't have a calendar but they do have a lot of resources for any Advent related question, tradition, or daily reflection you may be looking for.

Yes, I am aware that there is a popular website for young Catholics (which I will not name) that also does Advent calendars and are doing a special thing (keeping it vague) this year but I decided not to add them on the list for two reasons. First, I didn't like their Advent calendar when I checked it out a couple of years ago and, second, they have questionable content on their website. By questionable content I mean that not everything seems orthodox (read: reminds me of the stuff they "taught" at my alma mater) and some of the content will most likely confuse young, uninformed Catholics than help them so I'm just going to steer clear of that.

I know some people do the Jesse tree and I'm considering doing it this year for myself (as in, just keeping track of the daily symbols in a notebook). Since it's just mom and I at home, we usually just skip this tradition. I think once I have little ones of my own, it'll be something I'll do.

Are there any traditions y'all like to do with your families or by yourselves? Let me know! :D

Alright, it is currently 1:18 a.m. so I should get sleep. By the time this posts (8 a.m. schedule time) I should be either wake up or on the verge of waking up. ;)

I hope y'all have a wonderfully blessed Advent season. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

What I Learned Wednesday #3

If you're following me on twitter or have "liked" the blog's FB page, then you know why I haven't been blogging and/or online much. Basically, I had computer and internet issues for 9 days. Last week's #WILW post was miraculously posted. lol. I'm actually having battery problems again (ugh, I just got a new AC adapter, c'mon now!) so this will be relatively short compared to the other posts.

 1) I found out that the pre-Vatican II version of The Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary is on the iPieta app I installed on my iPod touch a long time ago. I was worried that I would not be able to pray it since I was using a webpage to pray the post-Vatican II version but it took some browsing on my prayer apps (yes, plural) to find it. I've also come to realize that I prefer it to the revised version. Even with the "thee", "thou", and "thy" (which, nerd alert, I don't mind), I think it's better. I find that the language makes the prayers and meditations easier than the modernized version. I appreciate what the Lord has done for me more and I find myself less likely to be distracted. I still want to get myself a book of The Little Office but I am very glad that I have the app in the meantime.

 2) I've been doing a couple of novenas, including one to St. Dymphna and the Christmas novena. I've been using a novena booklet I got at the local Pauline Books and Media for the St. Dymphna novena. It's unlike other novenas I've done. Much like the Little Office, there are morning and evening prayers. The morning prayers have me reflect on my petitions as well as reminding me to place all my trust and anxieties onto God and the evening prayers have me examine my conscience, ask for forgiveness, and give thanks to God for what He has provided for me. Basically, I am more conscious of my actions (what I have done and what I have failed to do) as well as what I usually overlook (i.e. a roof over my head, food in my belly, etc). I've been keeping y'all with anxiety, depression, and other mental afflictions in my novena prayers, whether you asked for them or not. ;) As for the Christmas novena, I have been praying the prayer since St. Andrew's feast day but I'm on day four of the actual novena as posted on EWTN's website. I am in love with the reflections and prayer. They remind me of what my dad used to focus on when he was younger (or, at least, what he told me of his time in Mexico).

3) I saw this picture on tumblr and it got me thinking about how when we pray, we occasionally give God deadlines. I've done it before (though now I just say "if it's your will" and patiently wait) and I know some people still do it. I think we often forget that, when we pray, we are asking God for something which may or may not be the best choice for us. Sometimes our prayers don't get answered in the way we ask because He has something better planned for us. We (our modern society) are so used to getting what we want, when we want, and it's hard for us to slow down. Since Advent is a time for us to slow down and reflect, I think this is appropriate.

I have a meeting via Google Hangout (God bless modern technology) in a couple of hours so I'm going to go try to figure out why the laptop battery isn't charging. Again.

I hope y'all have had a great week thus far. If you'd like to participate, please leave your link below. :D I'm leaving it up until 3 a.m. PST because of some friends in Hawaii. Giving y'all a chance. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!

Getting Excited about WYD 2011; Saint Books

Is anyone besides myself getting really excited about World Youth Day 2011 in Madrid, Spain? I know it's still 2 years away but with the introduction of the new logo for the event and the website the Archdiocese of Madrid has launched (which is currently only in Spanish), it's a little hard not to get excited! I was excited last year, and all I did was watch it on T.V. Btw, yes, I did sacrifice sleep to watch most, if not all, of it. :D One of the downsides of living on the U.S. West Coast and having the event broadcast live from Australia; several hours ahead of us. I was so bummed I couldn't go last year. I was still dealing with my anxiety (which was still in full force and was just getting into the routine of going to Mass without getting panic attacks) and we were also still dealing with dad's chemotherapy at the time. While I didn't get to experience the entire thing in person, I am thankful that EWTN (especially the Spanish channel, which is the only one Time Warner Cable allows me to watch without extra cost) broadcast it. I felt like I was still able to experience the joy and wonder of it all, though, admittedly, not the same way the people who went probably did. I was even on the edge of my seat, waiting for them to announce where the next WYD would take place, and I was overjoyed when it was announced that it would happen in Spain. I told myself that I would try to do everything I could to make sure I would be able to go to the next one in Madrid.

I told my parents that we would all go to the next WYD, especially since it's happening in the country where our ancestors came from. (Here's my Spanish heritage pride coming out. lol.) They both said that it was a plan. I actually planned on helping them return to the Church by then, if not then and there, but things don't always go as we planned. Anyway, as soon as the Spanish language website and logo were revealed, I told my mom about this. We now have a game plan. We're going to set aside a little bit of money every week for the remainder of the time so that we can go. I'll also have to figure out how to help mom with her fear of flights/airplanes, and, okay, myself as well (although, I'm more used to that than she is) but I still have more than enough time to figure that out. :D I fully intend on making the trip and hopefully I'll be able to stick around Spain for a bit after to visit places like where St. Teresa of Avila, and other Spanish saints, lived. :D

And while I'm talking about St. Teresa of Avila, I hope to re-read (and actually finish this time) her autobiography, long with other saint books before I head back to school. I've already gone through 4 books (plus currently reading another) but they haven't been about saints, or even Catholicism. As soon as I finish the one I'm reading (Jane Austen themed), I will re-read one of Bl. Pier Giorgio's books and finish the other I haven't read. After that, I hope to finish St. Augustine's Confessions, a book on St. Therese of Lisieux (which is in Spanish and was passed down to me by mom), one on St. Philomena, all before I go onto St. Teresa of Avila's book. The reason I saved hers for last was because it'll prepare me for the new school year. I don't know what it is about her and her autobiography but it definitely puts me in the right mind frame to tackle school. I hope to finish them all by the 30th (which gives me 23 days, 22 if you don't count today). I do intend to write reviews for them. I hope to get my hands on St. Therese of Lisieux's autobiography, too. I love saint books. If anyone has any more suggestions for good saint books, please let me know! Any and all suggestions are welcomed. I'm a bibliophile that needs to have a book with her at all times. lol. :D

Alright, I think that's about it. I've fallen into my summer reading mode and I am not online much because of it. All I need is a book, some jazz music, and a cup of peppermint tea to be perfectly content. If you can add some lilies to the room, even better. Yes, I'm a full on nerd. lol. Sorry this post has been a little boring, I'm just very anxious to get back to my book. lol. I hope to write something a little more substantial next time; perhaps even a book review on one of the books on my list. :)

OH! Before I forget... I currently have NO prayer requests from anyone. Aww. :( If any of you would like me to pray about something -- illness, lack of job, anything! -- please let me know. I LOVE praying for others and my little book is currently empty. :(

Okay, that's all for now. I hope everyone had a great week and will have a great weekend as well. :D Thanks for reading! God Bless. :D
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Final Exams; Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati's Intercession; And... Break!

First post as a 24 year-old. I actually do feel different (and I have to mention this because I've been asked) but I'm not entirely sure it's in a good way. I've been going through a sort of funk lately. I feel disjointed... not at all like myself. I haven't been acting very like myself, either. It's hard with everything that's going on. I've tried staying very optimistic but there are people who just LOVE to rain on my parade. One minute I'm okay, joking and acting normal (well, normal for me), and the next I'm completely bummed out because someone has to dampen my spirits. The whole thing has me on a roller coaster of emotions, which I hate. It's completely unhealthy, which is why I'm going to take a mini-vacation starting tonight. More on that later.

For everyone who is beginning their finals or about to take them, I say GOOD LUCK to y'all. I just did my English final this morning. We were supposed to do it next Monday and the professor acknowledged that she messed up the dates but she still made us get up early and do the final nearly a week early. A lot of my fellow classmates were on the verge of ganging up on her. I'm pretty sure she heard me say that we should protest. lol. Well, that's one less final I have to worry about. I have my final Speech assignment due tonight. My Philosophy of World Religions course (which, as I wrote for my final assignment, made me extremely proud to be Roman Catholic -- I'm in the right religion. lol) is having the final on Friday. My final exam will be for my Philosophy of Ethics course and that's next Monday. I will then hand in my pro-life/anti-abortion research paper. I combined the speech I wrote earlier in the semester against abortion and I added more things to it -- including snippets from mini interviews I did with various people. I'm very proud of it. :D It's too long to post it on here but I might add snippets of it at a later date. And for those of you who need an extra something... you can always pray for the intercession of St. Joseph of Cupertino (patron saint of exam takers; students) and St. Thomas Aquinas. Go again and click the link, it has the prayers you need. :D

Now onto something I'm going to ask y'all to help me out with. As I've written before, Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati has had a great, positive impact on me. Today (actually, at 5 P.M. PST), his niece, Wanda Gawronska, and the founder of FrassatiUSA, Christine Wohar, will be speaking on him on EWTN Live. Uh, I'm so watching it. lol. I still have the book reviews on the books his sister has written which I hope to post as soon as I finish my finals. So what exactly do I need help with? Well, I've decided to ask for Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati's intercession for my father. If we get the miracle, I am willing to report it and further the cause for his canonization. I've been thinking about it for some time now and something finally clicked to do it. So, if y'all can please help me out by praying for his intercession, I'd greatly appreciate it. The doctors are giving dad 8-9 months to live... and that's without the chemotherapy which they are delaying way too much. (I'm currently in a fight with them over the chemo which they are refusing to give him.) I just want my dad to be around long enough to walk me down the aisle when I get married (someday in the future...). If you're in, please let me know.

Alright, I think that's enough for now. Going back to my mini-vacation thing... except for online exams and assignments I have to do, I will be M.I.A. from the 'net. Sometimes I say that but then come back 2-3 days later. Not this time. I am serious about praying for dad so I am going to remove me from the online world (as well as giving up a few things I love for a couple of months) and just dedicating myself to prayer and reflection for the next week. I also need re-evaluate a couple of things (and friendships) in my life. I'm going to make the most of this time... and I'll be able to since I'm ready for my exams and therefore unstressed. I'll be back next Wednesday.

So, that's it. I'm going to go watch the Daily Mass and then Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati special on EWTN. :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Catholicism and Technology.

I am in the middle of a panic attack (yay -- note the sarcasm) but I am still writing this entry because I need a distraction. It's part of a new resolution I forgot to mention yesterday. Anyway...

I'm a big geek (not the biggest but pretty big) and I love technology. It's a bit funny that I was the last of my friends to get a computer, or even the internet, and I'm the one that's telling them how to do certain things. lol. While we can't deny that it's a big part of our every day life, it seems that more and more people are getting so enthralled with the world wide web that they're forgetting about their prayer life. Trust me, I know first hand that this is true... says the girl who has too many tabs open on her browser. lol.

A Vatican aide, Fr. Federico Lombardi, spoke out on this topic a few weeks ago. He said, in a nutshell, that we're so wrapped up in our things -- cell phones, internet, etc. -- that we forget to take time out in our day to have silent prayer and/or meditation. This is also something Mark mentioned in the list of "Thing to Do/Not Do" when it came to anxiety. One of things he suggested was "Taking spiritual breaks and holidays, especially away from television and computer screens and other electronics. Spending time in front of the Blessed Sacrament more instead. Not watching television and films in the evening is a good one too – try reading instead." I think this is really important.

I've luckily found ways to help with this... and even merge the two. Oh yes, I have. :D First, you can always pray the Rosary. I've found this to be the easiest way to get back into prayer and silent reflection. Again, this is from my personal experience so results may very. Keep losing your Rosary beads or easily lose track of what Hail Mary you're on, and want to use technology? If you have an iPhone or iPod touch, you can download an application called "Holy Rosary" for $2.99. It's worth the money. That's what I've used on two occasions now. I prefer to use the actual beads in my hand but sometimes I can't find them or don't have them handy. That's when I've used this application. Out of the Rosary applications out there, this has been the best. It has all the prayers, as well as the readings AND pictures of that particular mystery. It also includes the Fatima prayer for those of you who say it after every decade *points to self*.

And while I'm on the topic of Catholic applications for iPod touches (and iPhones), there are a couple that I really recommend. First: the Catholic Calendar. It's free, you get the information for that day, and can even looks back (or forward) to see when holidays land and who the saint of the day is. It doesn't have saints every day, which is the only downside. But, did I mention it's free?

Second: The iBreviary. Wow, LOVE it. It's only 99 cents and it's really good. For this one, you'll need to have WiFi to download the readings and prayers for each day. If you don't, you can probably find WiFi somewhere... like your local Starbucks. I first heard of this application on Fallible Blogma a couple of weeks ago. This morning, Fr. Paolo Padrini left me a comment about advertising this application. He totally beat me to it because I'd always planned on talking about it. :D If you download this app (which I totally recommend!), you'll see that it's in Italian. Don't fear! You can change that. Just go to your Settings (for your iPhone or iPod touch), go down to the iBreviary and click it, and then click on the language to change to whatever you want yours to be. I haven't updated any of my apps because I don't have WiFi so mine has Italian, English, Spanish, French, Rite Ambrosiano, and Latin as the languages but I believe there's an update (or will be) with more languages and more options. If you want to read the message Fr. Paolo left me, click here and go to the bottom where the comments are.

I don't need to warn you from staying away from certain tv stations, do I? I don't think so. I have faith that y'all are smart enough to know what to avoid watching. If you do want to enjoy t.v. with Catholic programming, EWTN is a great place to watch shows and other Catholics things. I have the Spanish version (part of the Spanish package we have for my parents) of it because Time Warner makes us pay extra if we want the English version. Oh, if you speak Spanish AND have EWTN en Español, check out Fr. Alberto Cutié's program, called "Hablando Claro con el Padre Alberto". It's fantastic. I know Catholic TV is great as well, but it's not offered as widely at EWTN. You can look actually view those channels online as well. You just have to go to their websites. :D

A great place to find various Catholic podcasts, amongst other great things, is SQPN. I highly recommend Fr. Roderick's Daily Breakfast podcast. I've been listening to it since the end of 2007 and I love it. Catholic in a Small Town is funny too. You should go on over and check the entire site out. :D

I also recommend the XT3 website as well. There are a number of good, faithful Catholics on there. It started off as the official World Youth Day website but it's now expanded to being a place where Catholics can have great discussions and meet other like minded Catholics. If you're already on there, let me know. :D

There are plenty of Catholic website and blogs you can check out when you're on the web. I have a list on the left hand side in case you're ever in need of a particular thing. :D

I do have some things I am advising you to stay away. Stay far away from the whole Second Life thing. Please. Just say no to it. I've tried it and, while there are a surprising number of Catholics on there -- a few which get together to pray the Rosary in real time with each other, using their avatars -- and it's not to hard to avoid places which are completely disgusting, it's very easy to fall into or view things you'll end up going to confession for. You might not even look for it, but it'll come up. There a number of places which are actually quite nice -- developers have made virtual churches and spiritual places that exist in real life -- but don't get fooled by it. There's too much temptation on it. It's not worth it, especially with the weirdos on it. I downloaded it and deleted it in just a couple of hours. Stay away for this and similar things to this!

So, as you can see, there are a number of ways you can merge the two... but it's important to remember that is DOES do the mind, and soul, good to take breaks from technology. Why not go read a book on your favorite saint? Why not go take a walk and think about what great things the Lord has done for you? You can also go to a church and just sit and meditate in it. That's something I love to do. I go to my parish during the week and just sit there, by myself, in silence and pray or just reflect of things.

And with that, I will end this blog. I am going to go pray the Rosary and then try to finish one of the Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati books I bought myself for Christmas. Oh, and... hey! My anxiety's gone from when I started this blog. Isn't it great? :D

Alright, I will stop writing now. lol. I'll write about the saint dreams I've been having lately in the next post. Hope everyone had a great week! As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

I Know, I'm Sorry!; WYD2008 Opening Mass, Rumor; Miracles.

I KNOW, I KNOW... I'm SORRY! It's taken me a week to post another blog but I've been so busy with so many things. Summertime, not counting the past two summers, is normally my busy time. Summers of 2006 and 2007 weren't because I was very sick. This summer, I'm still a bit sick (but, really, it's mainly my anxiety which has been under control lately) but not enough to keep me from doing other things. Or, at least, I am not letting it keep me from having a busy schedule. I took a road trip this past Friday, which went very well. I was surprised how well it went! It's been the most successful one I've been on in years! Whoo! :D Despite the insane traffic and the heat, I actually enjoyed myself and didn't worry about getting sick. Whoo! :D I have a pretty mellow week this week (well, that I know of) so I hope to start blogging for often again. I'll admit it, I sincerely miss being able to blog every day, or every other day.

I caught the opening Mass of World Youth Day 2008 on EWTN en Español last night/this morning. I was way too excited about it. I even thought to myself, if I'm excited now that I'm watching it on T.V., I can't imagine how ecstatic I'll be at the next one (which I hope, and plan, to be at). I was blessed enough to meet some of the pilgrims that were going to Sydney before they left to fly out there and I'm so excited for them! May the Lord protect them, and may they have a safe flight back to their homes. I can't wait to hear how it went (I've already been promised pictures and videos of the trip). Anyway, back to the Mass (see how easily I can veer off-track? lol), I honestly enjoyed the entire thing... even though I had to stay up until 2 in the morning to watch it. That's what happens when you're about 17-18 hours behind them. It was completely worth it though! I understood 3 of the languages spoken (English, Spanish, and Italian) and a bit of other (French). I got a bit choked up when I saw the U.S. and Mexican flags together. Yeah, I know... I'm a big dork. lol. I loved seeing how everyone was mixed and that people didn't care whether they were near other people of their countries. I saw the Irish flag mixed with Germany, Spanish and African flags. Canadians mixed with Koreans. It was an amazing sight. I'm hoping and praying that I will be able to attend the next WYD in 2011... which is rumored to be held in Spain. Hey, I'm just repeating the rumor that's going around with the pilgrims (which I heard through EWTN en Español). I really hope it is! I would love to attend my first WYD in a country I love -- a country in which I know the language and foods. lol. :D Although, it gets VERY hot in Spain in the summer. Eh, to be able to go, I wouldn't mind the heat! :) Wherever it'll be held (we won't find out until Sunday's closing Mass), I am so there!

OH! And, before I forget, I was so overjoyed to hear that 27 Iraqis were granted visas to go to WYD! I almost cried (happy tears) when I heard that! Originally, I think they were only going to allow 10 visas because of fears that they would stay in Australia instead of going back but granted 27. It's still a VERY low number but I'm just glad that those people were able to fly to Sydney and participate. :D You can read more about this story here (pre-WYD/original news) and here (latest news).

Another miracle that has happened... I've gotten my father to attend Mass with me. Twice in less than a week. Yes, I did the impossible! WHOO! I even got to introduce him to Fr. Leo on Sunday. I was far too excited. :D It's a true miracle because I couldn't get him to Mass. I tried but he always used excuses until I finally broke him down. Or, I like to think that I broke him down. lol. We have a new priest at my parish (or new to me -- I hadn't been attending Mass for a month because of the virus that took nearly 2 months to get out of my system), so I was happy about that as well. He was awesome; very funny. :D Needless to say, I had an amazing Sunday. First time in a month I'd attended Mass... first time in MONTHS that I'd gotten my Father to go willingly... no anxiety, no stress, no illness. *content sigh* I hope to have repeat experiences from now on. :D

Okay, well, it's still early in the day and I want to do something other than sit in front of my computer. Hope everyone is enjoying/enjoyed their day! Watch the WYD celebrations if you can! They are aired on EWTN and EWTN en Español. I believe it's broadcast worldwide You can also watch it on EWTN's website (if I am not mistaken). In fact, I will post a link on the right hand panel, under the Bella link, so you can watch it live from your computer. :D.

Everyone take care, thanks for reading, and God Bless. :D
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St. Therese of Lisieux

Ever go through a day where someone's name, or a certain thing, keeps popping up? A couple of days ago it was St. Maria Goretti. Yesterday, it was St. Therese of Lisieux. Well, no, the whole thing has been gradually building up but yesterday her name kept popping up a lot... especially on the Spanish version of ETWN. Even Fr. Alberto Cutie (who I'm a big fan of -- read his book "Real Life, Real Love" if you haven't!) mentioned on his show Hablando Claro Con El Padre Alberto (Speaking Clearly with Fr. Alberto) that she was the one who inspired him to go into his vocation. Also, I did not know that St. Therese suffered anxiety. Right at a time where I'm having this massive sort of enlightment over my illness and everything, her name keeps coming up which leads me to wonder if maybe it's a sign from God to look into her life and how she lived it. I have a lot more to write about this, as well as my huge transformation, later on. I just wanted to jot this down before I forgot (because sometimes I will forget or will go off topic when I write my blogs).

Hope everyone's having a good day. :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.
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Roadtrips, Relationships, Tests, and Prayers Everywhere.

I FINALLY have a bit of time to write a blog. I told y'all I would be super busy the entire week. Where to start?

Well, I was able to make it through my latest road trip, in 90+ degree weather, in a car with NO AIR CONDITIONING *whimpers* without a single panic attack. OH YEAH! *dances around* It was amazing. The freeways were ridiculously crowded in Orange County (moreso than in Los Angeles, if that's possible) and we were bumper and bumper pretty much all the way back home. Not only that, we got lost a minimum of 6 - 7 times because we were given crummy directions and got lost for a great while. 14 hours, countless road turns, one big accident that forced all the cars to get off the freeway, several hours outside in the heat, and a total of 5 hours of sleep... until I was able to get home and jump on my bed. lol. I literally ran to my bed, jumped on it and yelled "I love you"... I was SO tired but incredibly happy that I'd survived in one piece. It totally helped that my sis called and entertained me during the last miles between the OC and and first couple of L.A. county lines. I hope that the next road trip is as successful (in the panic attack area) but with less traffic and less getting lost. lol.

So, a few days ago I started writing this blog about relationship and all these things because of the purity ring (it's NOT an engagement ring) that my sis gave me for my birthday. (It made me get all philosophical). Well, I decided not to post it because I remembered that I do have reader under about 16 and I didn't want to be as blunt as I would've with the older readers. So, to put all that I wanted to say in a rated G nutshell... I don't understand why we women are expected to act and dress provocatively nor why, once we reach a certain age, romantic relationships and marriage are pressured onto us. It's just dumb. I really hope that less and less girls listen to what society expects from us because society is one messed up deal. Priorities are not where they should be. I read a list on the Roman Catholic (Global) group and I wanted to share this with any young girls and women reading my blog (and I know a few that do). I truly hope women listen to those words that were written by Kristen Wellman. She's a smart woman and I completely agree with everything that was written. Please go click on this link to read it for yourselves. :D Moving away from this topic (which I hope to someday write in detail about)...

I am going to spend the next 2 weeks really studying and brushing up on some things I will need to refresh my brain on for upcoming exams. Since I didn't decide until last week (really... I'm the most indecisive person you'll ever meet) what school I was going to be attending, I didn't know whether or not I would be tested on certain subjects. Well, I am. I know I won't be tested in English since I've already passed the English 101s and have taken English Lit but I will be tested on Math as well as a Foreign Language of my choice. I could easily go down the "I'll test for Spanish" since I speak, read and write it fluently. That's the easy path to take. I could brush up on the very little French I know and take a French test. I could also pick a completely different language I don't know and try my best to learn at least the simplest things I can and hope it'll help me not be put into the lowest remedial class possible. lol. I was thinking about taking Danish at a nearby language institute in honor of my awesome boyfriend who's from Denmark (Hey Sabrina... she shoots, she scores! HAHAHA!) but I'm told it's a really hard language to learn so maybe I'll just stick to French. Either way, I will be a mean, lean, studying machine for the rest of this month and early into next month. I will be taking two off days before and after my birthday because, who wants to study on their birthday? Not me! lol. Fingers crossed that I do well.

Another thing I have my fingers crossed on... that my missing Mass today isn't a mortal sin, and that it's (at most) venial. See, I woke up on time to go to the early English Mass but I'd been sick (stomach problems) all night and morning long and I honestly wouldn't have made it through the entire thing. That with the added sleepiness I had (haven't slept enough hours for about 2 weeks now)... I didn't even make it through the Pope Benedict XVI's live Mass in Genoa (Italy) that I was watching on EWTN! (quick note: I will hopefully write about all the Pope dreams I've had in the next blog). I ended up falling asleep for another hour or two. I did, however, do the sign of the cross when I woke up and heard the Pope had finished Mass, and then heard another priest bless the viewers. lol. I only seem to wake up when that happens and I do it without thinking. I LOVE doing that. It's such an awesome habit I've gotten. By that time, it was really hot (it was probably over 100 degrees Fahrenheit today) and I knew dad would've have taken me to Mass anymore. Also, I was still very nauseous so I probably wouldn't have made it through the next English Mass. :( See, normally I would tell my dad to at least drop me off at Mass but I know the hot weather really wreaks havoc on him, physically, and since he doesn't go inside the Church (no matter what I say), I know he wouldn't have made it through the entire hour of Mass in the heat. He's been pretty sick because of the heat and I didn't want to add to it. I really hope my missing Mass isn't a mortal sin. Either way, I'll no doubt try to go to my parish as soon as I can to talk to a priest about that. Have a mini confession. I tell ya, I won't make it through next Saturday with a potential mortal sin hanging over my head. Oh, and I stupidly said the Lord's name in vain (again, unintentionally) when Beckham was tackled really nasty during the L.A. Galaxy v Dallas game today. I honestly thought Becks was going to be injured. Thank goodness he wasn't.

OH! Something that I'm VERY happy about... well, two things... I was able to pray the Rosary in front of many people (I do it in hopes that others will as well) when waiting to see the doctor on Friday AND I gave a prayer card to someone who really needed on a different day. See, I said the Rosary because I wasn't feeling too well, and was feeling kind of antsy. It's something I do. After I was done, I walked around with the rosary still in my hand... and I LOVED it. I love holding it. :D

About a week or two ago, I heard from my mom that a coworker of hers was having problems with her husband who tried to commit suicide for the second time. He suffers from depression among other things. I immediately said I wanted to give my mom the extra St. Dymphna so that she could pass it to her coworker's husband. I kept forgetting until one day, last week, when I knew I'd be able to give it to my mom so she could pass it along. Well, I ended up giving the prayer card to the man himself! I went to the hospital and personally gave it to him. I was overjoyed that as soon as I gave it to him, he prayed it and thanked me for it. I heard he hadn't been up to talking to anyone for days so I felt blessed being able to not only give him the prayer card, but be well received by him. Mom and I told him to pray to St. Dymphna, for her intercession, and that she'd help him. She (St. Dymphna) has helped me through some doozies when my anxiety's been amped up, and since she covers all mental and nervous illnesses, I know she'll help him! I haven't seen him since but my mom's seen him and she says he keeps it by his bedside and that he reads it every day, twice a day. It makes me VERY happy to hear that. In fact, I almost cried when I heard that he'd been grateful that I'd personally gone to give him the prayer card. He's actually touched that I would do that... especially since I'm a stranger to him. What he doesn't know is that it's by absolute pleasure to do it! I feel obligated to do it, but obligated in a good way. I would honestly do it for anyone who I heard was in a similar situation, stranger or friend. I don't say this to brag, like "Ooh, look at me... I'm SUCH a good person." Not at all. I write it because I want people to know that it is possible to do something for someone you don't know and have it mean something to them. I think people underestimate that the "littlest" things they do, including praying for a person, is amazing. And I don't even think about how it makes ME feel... the fact that it's given him hope is all that matters. I honestly don't care about personal profit (even if it's just emotional satisfaction) as long as it makes a difference in someone else's life. And isn't that basically what we should be doing? I don't know... maybe it's because I've always been this way (friends say I'm very motherly) but I feel like we all have to help those who aren't as well off as we are. Oh boy, that sounded very preachy and kind of conceited. lol. That was honestly not my intention. I'll shut up on the topic now!

Alright, well, I have a LONG day ahead of me again tomorrow *groan* and a ton of lost sleep to catch up on so I should end this blog. Oh... but before I do, can we give the Galaxy a round of applause for beating Dallas at their (Dallas') home stadium for the first time in 4 years?! *claps* 5-1, baby! I'm so proud of my Galaxy men! Okay, well, now... as always, thanks for reading and God Bless. ;D
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Pope Benedict XVI, Religious Sister or Mother?, Relationships, and Roadtrip - Part Deux.

First off, SO sorry I haven't blogged as often -- once again. I've been so busy with multiple things, I lose track of time very easily. I will try my hardest to update more frequently, especially now that I'm seriously going to buckle down and work hard on finishing my novel.

Pope Benedict XVI was here all of last week. Sadly, I once got to watch a clip from when he arrived and nothing more during the week. I was, however, lucky enough to watch the Mass he did at Yankee Stadium live thanks to EWTN. I will admit that I shed many tears (happy tears) during the Mass. I loved that a Mexican man (reporters could tell by the accent/dialect) yelled "Viva el Papa!" (which means "long live the Pope" in Spanish) and everyone yelled "Viva!" The expression of Pope Benedict's face was priceless. He was very surprised and you could tell he felt the love of the crowd. When he spoke out about protecting babies -- those not yet born and those born -- the crowd yelled very loudly, as did I from my bedroom. lol. He also encouraging young people to consider religious vocations. It definitely made me think and seriously consider it. One of the things that personally touched me the most was when he spoke in Spanish and gave us Hispanics and Latin people blessings. (side note: He spoke to President Bush about stopping all the discrimination against immigrants, which pretty much won all the hearts of us living in the U.S. -- born here, like myself, and those who come here for a better life). After all said and done... WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MASS!!! Everything that was said and done was just beautiful. Someone who actually attended said the experience was indescribable. I bet! I also got to see when Pope Benedict went to Ground Zero for a prayer to meet survivors and family of victims. It was heartbreaking, especially to see an officer (or perhaps he was a fireman), who met the Pope, with a limp because I believe he has a prosthetic leg. At the same time, it was full of hope because, while it is unbelievable terrifying what happened at 9/11 (and I still remember where I was and how I felt when I found out what had happened that morning), there is still hope that human beings will learn from these terrible events and try to prevent it from happening anywhere. I also cried when I watched Pope Benedict leave back to Rome from JFK. Thank goodness EWTN was broadcasting all of it live because it made me feel like I was there. I'm so sad that our beloved Papa has left, and I really felt like I was saying goodbye to a dear friend when I saw him board the plane, but my heart is filled with hope, joy and love because he was here and he was simply amazing and inspiring. I hope to get to see him in person some day -- even if it means that I have to go to the Vatican and stand out when he greets people from his window. I loved our Papa before but this visit just increased the love and admiration I have for him and my faith. :)

One thing that I've already mentioned, his homily really made me think... especially about considering becoming a religious Sister. I've done a lot of soul searching lately and I'm honestly torn between getting married and becoming a sister. I don't think I have what it takes to be a nun, especially a cloistered nun, but I would love to be a Sister and teach Religious Studies if that's what God has in-store for me. I would also LOVE to be a wife and mother and bring at least one child into this world. I think that there is nothing more beautiful, and more joyous, than being a mother. The Blessed Virgin Mary has definitely been present in my life recently -- popping into my mind at random times and also praying for her intercession -- and she's really made me want to become a mother. That's a big surprise to friends who've known me for years because I used to say that I didn't want children and that childbirth was the scariest thing I could think of. It's a complete 180 from how I was before. :D It just goes to show how much a person can change in a matter of months.

I usually don't mention my personal life but for the purposes of this post I will mention a bit. This morning I was watching the European Journal on KOCE (PBS station) and they said that 70% of women living in Spain get physically beaten by their husbands and boyfriends. That is SHOCKING!!! I mean, I understand that there's a machismo image that Hispanic men have but I had no idea there was that much violence. I'm disgusted by it -- especially because I'm of Spanish heritage. I've been lucky enough to not experience that but I am sadden for those Spanish women, and women world wide, who have. It makes me want to do something about it -- to protect these women and their children. My heart goes out to them.

On a more positive side of relationships: Lately I've really grown from experiences regarding love and relationships. Since my novel is based on real life experiences, I've been revisiting some old memories -- many of which have been about a very special guy in my life. He gave me a reason to smile when I first got sick and he still makes me smile because he's a big dork. lol. Just like he did then, he's been giving me hope that I will get better and beat what I'm going through -- and he doesn't even know because I refuse to ever let him know that. Haha. One of the biggest things he's given me hope for -- I've started to believe that I will find the person I've meant to be with, if that's in God's plans for me. Just the fact that I have someone like him to unintentionally inspire me to not give up on so many things, including love, is amazing. I really hope that everyone has someone like that in their life... just make sure that they never take you up the roof, while you're in heels, at night just to slow dance with you -- especially if you're afraid of heights. It's romantic and psychotic at the same time. Haha. Yeah... that's a GREAT image that's completely stuck in my head. You'll read about it in my novel. lol.

So, besides all of that, I went on a little roadtrip yesterday -- which was the roadtrip from the place down under (and I don't mean Australia). It was absolutely horrible and I'm so stressed out from it. I seriously just want to sleep and listen to music for days. lol. I am ignoring any and all emails and messages that will stress me out (which I've already received, ugh) because I just spent a really long time with screaming children (which I didn't really mind because the little baby was sick and there was nothing that could make him feel better) and just chaos. To top it off, an own goal at Anfield (Liverpool FC's stadium) has made it difficult for them to go onto the semi-finals. Well, I still have hope. :D Yesterday was the WORST day, I've had in quite some time. But, as I've said, all I need is sleep and relaxation, which I will get during our movie marathon tonight! YAY! lol. Oh and I should note that two of my older brothers stopped by for a few minutes last night which was a happier ending to my horrific day. :D

Alright, well, I have to go get ready for when my dad comes home -- which he just did the second I started writing this. Haha. WEIRD! Now that he's home, I have to make sure he's alright because he's in his last 2 weeks of chemo and the side effects have gotten worse lately. Hopefully more entries will be written before the end of the week. I will definitely try. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

P.S. Don't forget to watch the Dove Awards on GMC (Gospel Music Channel) tonight!!! :D.
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Vacation, Mass, Dreams, Pope Benedict XVI, and Prince Caspian.

I really don't know where to start... so much has been going on since the day I decided to go on vacation. Well, I should start by saying that I was VERY surprised when I saw the massive merit scholarship I was given. I was going back and forth between two schools but this scholarship has pushed me towards accepting admission to one of the schools. I am SO excited and have yet to celebrate it. I definitely feel blessed and like this was a sign from God that this is the school I'm supposed to be attending. I also feel like a prayer to St. Jude a year and a half ago was answered as well, in the form of this scholarship. I tell ya, prayer works! :D What a way to start my vacation, eh?

Speaking of my vacation... I had a little too much fun. I'm actually back for a bit but do plan on going back on going back as soon as I get another opportunity. I was filled with so much happiness and love during those few days, it really made me forget all the illnesses and stress I've gone through lately. I had a LOT of fun. I got reacquainted with several aspects of my personality that I missed. I was so happy about that. :D Most of those days were either spent lazying around or going out. I've actually gotten out more than usual, which I am so grateful for because I believe I was developing cabin fever. lol. I definitely recommend taking a mini weekend vacation if you've been overly stressed out because it can do wonders for you! I very reluctantly came back. lol. I honestly felt like I could stay on my vacation (which, by the way, was here in my own home and hometown -- Miss CNW style ;)) until the summer was over but I have too much to do. Oh well. It was fun while it lasted. :D

One thing I got to do on vacation was go to Mass... at a new church... sitting in the first front rows... BY MYSELF! Yes, you read that right! Thank God, I was able to sit through the entire Mass without leaving. He definitely helped give me the courage to do so. I did actually get a little urge to leave for a few minutes when I thought I couldn't breathe (anxiety symptom) but I held the Miraculous Medal in my right hand and looked up at the Cross during Mass and asked God and the Blessed Virgin Mary to please give me the strength needed to make it through. And I did! Thank YOU to both of them! And, I should thank the priest who made the Mass fun with his tasteful jokes. So, thank you, too, Fr. Alexander!

Maybe all the positive feelings I've been experiencing have caused me to take my faith A LOT more seriously than before (and I was already pretty serious). I understand what my little sister says about being so full of love for the Lord. I finally get it. I had a dream last night where my spirit was literally lifted up so high that I was able to embrace Christ for a brief second before coming back down to earth. It's been one of my the most beautiful/wonderful dreams I've had... especially lately. No words can describe how amazing it was. This is the second dream in less than 2 weeks where I've seen and come in contact with him. Hopefully this means I'm doing something right and that I'm doing just what He'd like. I don't feel like I'm quite where I should be, and I still have a lot to do for Him, but I think I've finally found the right balance to achieve these things. :D

Oh, and before I forget, I am SO excited that Pope Benedict XVI is in the U.S. I watched a video clip of when he was greeted at the airport and I have to admit that I shed a couple of happy tears when I watched him come out of "Shepherd One" (as the plane is being called). Hopefully I'll be able to watch things about his visit here through EWTN and Catholic TV.

One more thing before I end this blog... raise your hand if you're excited about the Prince Caspian movie premiere in a month! *raises both hands* Haha. I watched the BBC version of "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" when I was growing up, and that started my love of the series, so I can't wait to watch PC. As long as I get to watch the film and hopefully get inspired by it, that's all I ask for. And, all this reminds me that I should probably re-read the book before I watch the film. I haven't read it in over a year. Okay, I better go finish St. Teresa of Avila's autobiography before I do! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.

Writer's Block and Doing the Sign of the Cross While Sleeping.

Why is it that every time I start to write a book (or screenplay) I go through like a week or two worth of Writer's Block? Well, no... I take that back. It isn't so much writer's block as it is procrastination. Every single time it's the same thing. I write a page or two then don't write anything for weeks. It's such a horrible habit. When one of my best friends asked me when it was due to be finished I had to set a deadline for myself or else it'll never get done. My self-appointed deadline is the day before Easter. I am aiming to have the novel done and edited (and re-edited) by then. It'll definitely not be easy -- especially since I'm still picking and choosing which things to include and which to leave out -- but I love a challenge. It's very easy for me to just write and write... it's the whole getting started thing that's always the tricky part. Once I get the first 10 pages done, it's a breeze. We'll see, though. Hopefully I can meet my deadline.

Something kind of funny that happened today was that I did the sign of the cross while I was still asleep. lol. Yeah, I'm very serious. I have the habit of turning on the t.v. if I end up waking up between 4 and 7 a.m. just because it helps lull me back to sleep again so I get my full 8 hours. I had it on EWTN in Spanish (they took the English version of EWTN off the list -- darn you, Time Warner Cable!) and I actually ended up dreaming everything that was aired on t.v. I dreamt Pope Benedict XVI giving a speech and of the Daily Mass. I actually ended up doing the sign of the cross when they priest was saying "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit..." -- and I was so completely asleep. Hahaha. It wasn't until I woke up that I realized what I'd just done and I just kind of giggled because I've never known anyone else to do that. It was awesome! lol. So that's my little story. lol.

Okay, well this blog is going to be short today. I have to get up early tomorrow 'cause I have two doctors appointments at two different places. I haven't been feeling too well lately and I need to get those things taken care of. I'm going to pray that things will get better because I've been sick for quite a while now and I miss feeling like my old healthy self. So for now... thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Trip Down Memory Lane and World Youth Day '08.

Today I received an e-mail (from the website photobucket) letting me know I still had pictures in an account I had forgotten about. It'd been a little over 2 years since the last time I'd been on the site so I decided to go look at what I had. Wow, there were a lot of pictures from 2002 - 2005 that I'd forgotten about. I did delete most of them but saved a few before deleting the entire account. The ones I did save were uploaded to my facebook account where, I know, a couple of my friends will get a kick out of seeing them. I've changed a lot in just the last year alone, so I can't wait to hear what memories my friends have about certain photographs. The thing that was most interesting was how much I've physically changed in 2 years. I still look younger than I am (and am often mistaken for a 16 to 18 year-old by those who meet me for the first time) but I have changed quite a bit. I seem to look younger, and slightly different ("But in a very good way" according to a friend, lol) than I do in photographs. Honestly, I don't really care how I look... I just like pictures because they're a snapshot that captures a particular moment. It's always fun going down memory lane and seeing how much you've grown (not just physically) as a person. The pictures made me very happy, which is always nice, and I hope some of my friends also get lovely memories from a couple of them.

And while I'm on the topic of looking slightly younger than I am... I'm starting to save up for, hopefully, a trip to World Youth Day in Australia this year. I wonder, though, if I may be slightly too old for it. Okay, so I took a moment to google the answer for that, and no, I am not too old for it. The official age range is apparently 16 - 35 years of age. That means I can squeeze in about 4 - 5 more WYD's before I hit 35... and that's assuming it's every 3 years. Although it doesn't look good (my possible trip this year) you can bet I will save up for the next one... whereever it's held. I really hope I do make it, though, because it's something I'd love to experience. Of course, I am going to see if any of my friends would be up to go with me because I don't want to go by myself. Although I do have experience being in a different country by myself, I always have back-up nearby if needed. I don't know anyone in Australia, or New Zealand, so no nearby back-up. If my bro wasn't married with kids, he would've gone with me. Hmmm... I've got some thinking to do about this thing. Luckily, since I'm on the West Coast of the U.S., it won't be terribly expensive (or at least I hope it isn't) for me to fly out there. No, I still haven't looked at the prices but when I planned my trip to New Zealand a year ago, it wasn't that bad. Okay, I just checked it out... it's $1727 USD for a round trip from Sydney to LAX. If I register for WYD at the official site and get one of their pilgrim packages, I don't have to pay too much for food, health cover, transportation, etc. Not only do I have some major saving up to do (medical bills last year took out a huge chunk of my savings), they flight to Sydney is 15 hours; the flight from Sydney is 17 hours! Blimey! Well, I will try and if not, I will just watch it was much as I can on EWTN (assuming they'll broadcast some of it).

Hmm... I've got some number crunching and planning to do so I'll end the blog for today.

Thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Happy New Year!

It took me a couple of days to post another blog but here I am... and right on time for the New Year! Happy New Year everyone! Hopefully everyone had fun partying or whatever it was that you crazy kids did. :D I just stayed home, in my pajamas, and watched T.V. and got in touch with my Spanish heritage by keeping the grape-eating tradition at midnight. Oh yeah... I am a party animal! lol. You bet I made those wishes on most of those grapes, too. lol. It was fine, though, because I finished my clean-a-thon a mere hour before midnight and all I wanted was to sit down and relax.

I was able to do my clean-a-thon in a day (well, couple of hours), like I wanted but I was entirely too stressed during it. I woke up late from a nap so I was rushed and it was not pleasant. lol. Unfortunately, I didn't get help when I needed it. My mom did me a huge favor by shredding the schoolwork that piled up so I am extremely grateful she did that for me. When I needed help from dad to move my EXTREMELY HEAVY wooden desk, I didn't get it until the very end when I was done. I wasn't supposed to do any heavy lifting but, pfft, no one helped me and I don't like wasting my time. I carried the computer (I have a desktop PC) to and from the desk, carried the shelves and drawers I could take out to make it less heavy, moved (one side at a time) my desk and everything. End product is great though. It's so clean and neat and now I have a place to comfortably put my guitar on the side so I have easier access to it. One of the things that I did not like... the pain I am feeling today. My arms don't feel too bad but my back and my legs... aysh. I couldn't walk for most of the day so I mainly stayed in bed (which was not fun). When I did walk all you could hear was me going "ow... ow... ow." lol. I know I'm not supposed to laugh (and that I should not be happy that all my dad did was laugh at me when I was moving all the heavy stuff by myself), but I find it funny that I kept going "ow... ow... ow." lol. I'm a weird one, I know. :D That just goes to show that when I want things done, I'll get them done even if I will be in pain afterwards. Hooray for being Miss Independent. And, no, that wasn't meant to be sarcastic; just letting my inner feminist come out to celebrate for a bit. :D

I got some awesome news yesterday -- my echocardigram came back normal and it looks like my heart's structure is great too. Whoo! I almost passed out in the waiting room but that was a mixture of lack of sleep and food... and mostly stress according to the doc. Eh. The most important thing is that my heart is healthy and all I have to do is make sure I get some rest and eat plenty (and not stress out) and I will be okay. :D And now... for a happy jitter bug dance. *does jitter bug* lol.

Since today was New Year's Day, and a day of obligation, I really wanted to go to mass but I could barely walk so I had to settle for watching part of it on EWTN. I have to admit, I am bummed out I didn't make it. I do look forward to this weekend, though, because I want to see if that young Polish priest will be giving the mass. He's one of my favorites. He's really nice and you feel really comfortable talking to him during confessions. It's also been a while since I've been to an English mass, usually go to the Spanish one with my parents, so I'm excited. Yes, I actually get excited about going to mass. :D

And, keeping with the New Year's theme... apparently EVERYONE (and I do mean everyone) wants me to relax this year so I will make that my resolution. I wasn't planning on having any this year but I started thinking about it after one of my good friends brought it up. I decided to have three. My resolutions this year are: 1) Relax and not worry about every little detail (blame my Type-A personality for that, lol). 2) Get out of the house as much as possible... and do things for myself more often. And 3) Finish at least one of the novels I'm working on before my next birthday. Hopefully I can accomplish them. Oh, I should probably add "stop procrastinating" to that list but I've gotten better at it so we'll see how I do this year. :D

Okay, well, that's all for today. I still haven't said the Rosary today and I've got about 18 minutes before the day ends so I better get to it. Thanks for reading, God Bless and may you have a happy New Year. :D