2013: The Year this Nerd Persevered

I believe this year was the year I persevered. I know we all had a hard year; I've seen so many people celebrating the fact that the secular year is over with because of how exhausting 2013 was. However, despite the challenges, I think I made some really good steps to bettering my future. If last year was the year that I faced my fears and moved on, this was the year that I actually made things happen (as opposed to just hoping I would get the guts to change things) no matter how frightening the changes were.

To change from a career I'd always wanted (writing) to one that I had never even considered took a lot of faith as well as guts. I had some intense months of prayer and spiritual direction in order to get to this place. I was so reluctant to let go of writing (because it was what I wanted) but, being practical, I knew the instability of the career was not good for me. The Holy Spirit used two important people in my life to simultaneously lead me down the Speech-Language Pathology path and, after my SD told me what I needed to hear, I bit the bullet. I applied to only one school (which is the best from what I've heard from former students), was accepted, and now I'm waiting to begin my classes this coming May.

As I am not one to give up on my dreams so easily, I am still writing and have worked on two novels (both of which will be published next year) this year. I have a couple more in mind, which is exciting. How I will do it with SLP (especially since I have to get some hours in in order to start working as an assistant upon graduation), I am not sure... but it's a challenge I am very much looking forward to?

I think the best thing that could've happened to me this year was finally find the right spiritual director for me. Fr. G is a Godsend. I needed someone who pushed me out of my comfort zone and helped (and is still helping) me get out of the spiritual dryness I'd been feeling on and off for a couple of months. He's helped me out so much that I can already see the difference within me... and it's so wonderful. My wish is that everyone finds someone like him (someone who will inspire you to be your best and to get closer to God) for themselves.

One last (big) thing: Y'all know I started the year really sick. I got so sick (and so thin) that I received the Anointing of the Sick in May. It got quite scary for a while but I never let go of my faith nor of God and He saw me through. I'm still in recovery but I am in a better place than I was before. I think that that pretty much sums my year.

I was thrown so many obstacles this year (change of career, health issues, figuring out my vocation, financial, etc.) but I never let go of God. He was truly my rock this year. He's always been my rock but I can't begin to express how grateful I am to Him for His constant presence in my life. Looking back, I can't remember the last time I truly felt that He gave me the tools I needed to overcome everything that could've potentially (figuratively) drowned me. Though there were a few weeks when I didn't feel close to Him, I know He never left my side.

I've said this all year but I truly feel like God used this year to show me that I am ready for whatever new chapter 2014 will bring me. I got the courage to face a lot of things that I was afraid of. I've had so many people tell me that I couldn't do things over the years that I was afraid to try them. This year, that all changed... and I am so glad that I was able to show myself that I could do them. With every little thing that I conquered, my confidence grew as did my love for God, Mama Mary (wow, what a year for my relationship with her; I love her more than words can express), and for my heavenly buddies who helped me get to where I am.

Yes, 2013 was incredibly difficult but I was blessed in so many ways that the good greatly outweighed the bad. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for me in 2014. I can already feel like it's going to be a big year for me... and not just because I'll be entering the last year of my 20s halfway through the year.

Anyway, that was my year. I want to thank y'all for sharing it with me. Thank you for your prayer, your support, and the love y'all have shown me. Yes, I'm getting a bit sappy but y'all know I'm like that. lol.

I hope you all have a wonderful 2014. I can't wait to see what new adventures God has in store for us. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Have I Thanked God Enough?

Lately it seems that God keeps showing me just what I saved myself from by turning my back on a couple of things in my teen years and early 20s.

For example: today I ran into an ex-boyfriend of mine. I hadn't seen him since a few weeks before high school graduation... or, I should say, my graduation as I found out today that he ended up dropping out while graduated a year and a half ahead of schedule. Two things led me to an early graduation: my father having cancer the first time around (in 2002) and my anxiety which led me to do independent study. I finished my entire senior year as well as part of my junior year in a single semester. 13 classes in 3 months. I didn't know the meaning of sleep during those months. I will gladly show you my transcripts if you don't believe me. Oh yeah... I've always been a hardcore nerd. lol. Anyway, I have no idea how I managed to do it but I did.

When I graduated high school, I took time off to take care of my father. When I did this I said goodbye to my social life as well as someone I was sort of seeing... who, by the way, was Mormon so we had different beliefs. I was a lapsed Catholic during this time and, though I still had my faith and no one could persuade me to convert to another religion, I'd been a little more careless when it came to who I dated. Anyway, by turning my back on the social circle I was in (which was not healthy to start with) and focusing on my father as well as myself, I was able to avoid who knows what. There were plenty of invites to go out and get crazy. Today, through my ex, I found out that I am one of the last (if not the last) of our childhood friends/classmates to either get married and/or have kids. At 25 (which the majority of us already are) everyone is settling or has been settled for several years. That doesn't sound bad except that the stories don't seem to have happy endings and it makes me sad to hear that. I actually felt very bad for my ex until he started hitting on me but that's a whole 'nother story. lol. From our chat I realized that not only I did the right thing by (in a sense) abandoning my chances of "having a good time" and rebelling just like everyone else did (oh, the sad stories I could tell you about old friends)... God was slowly putting me back on track. It took my father's battles with cancer as well as my own struggle with anxiety (which I still fight on occasion) to get me where I am now but these things ended up being blessings in disguise.

Have I thanked God enough for everything he's done for me? I don't think I have. I think that there's so much more that I can still do to show my gratitude. As many of my closest friends will tell you, I always say that I am truly grateful for everything I've gone through, especially the really bad things. I mean, I'm actually starting to thank God out loud when I get my panic attacks or when I get sick. I know it may sound twisted but if it's through suffering that I returned to God and the Church and if it's through pains and attacks that I am reminded of where I am and who I am today then I am happy and willing to suffer through it. That's something I learned from St. Gemma Galgani and something that is now etched into my heart and mind. I still don't think I am worthy enough to be called a "victim soul", one who suffers for others while on earth, but if I am strong enough to endure these things so that others don't than I am willing to carry this cross for as long as God wants. :)

Alright, I wish I could write more but it's already getting late and I have a lot of things to do so I should end this post. :) I think y'all have enough of my writing for one day. lol. :D

I hope y'all are having a great start of week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.

Music Monday: Chris Young - The Man I Want to Be

I am stuck in bed (sick; slept about 14 hours today) so I won't write a long post. Instead, I am keeping up my Music Monday tradition (which I haven't done in a while). Anyway, this song is called The Man I Want to Be by Chris Young. I saw it on CMT one morning, including an interview with Chris, and I fell in love with the lyrics. We often don't hear a man singing to God, and this is just what Chris has done. If more men thought this way, we young ladies would be very lucky. I am warning you: this is a country video/song. So, I like country music. Sue me. lol. Anyway, I'd encourage you to at least 'sit through' it at least once to just listen to the lyrics.



Alright, I am going to try and take it easy until I end up falling asleep again. :D I hope y'all have a better Monday than I did. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.

God is Truly Amazing: A Late Night Epiphany.

I don't think we realize (or really think about) just how amazing God is until after He reveals something to us. Just as I am coming back from that inner struggle between apathy and wanting to move on and enjoy life to the fullest, God has shown me that He IS with me and that, thanks to His divine grace, I am exactly where and who I want to be. I want to cry tears of joy just thinking about it.

Out of sheer curiosity I looked up an old friend whom I used to count as a best friend. Without going into the gory details, our friendship ended around the time I got really sick, right before I returned to the Church. It didn't end well. She badmouthed me to anyone who would listen, dragging my name and reputation through the mud. How someone could go from telling you she appreciated you for who you were to being the opposite... well, I don't know. I don't remember what caused me to look her up but I am glad I did because God was able to show me what I needed to see.

Not only is she still holding a grudge against me, which is justified... I guess (this is the "I probably deserved it" mentality I've grown to have), she is still badmouthing me. This is YEARS after our friendship ended. My heart pounded, my anxiety reached a 10, and I wanted to cry. How could I have ended a friendship that would cause so much pain; pain that would ultimately cause someone to say so many hurtful (and often times, untrue) things about me? After the initial shock, I had an epiphany. If I hadn't gotten sick and subsequently rejected the path I was going on, I would've wound up in a place I would've hated. I don't want to think about what sins I would've been tempted to do.

I am not going to sit here and criticize her. I refuse to take that road. Despite what she's done and said, I have forgiven her and pray that God forgives her too. Lord, she may not truly know what she's really doing. I've seen the path she has gone down on, the path I would've continued going down on, and it's not pretty. I have never been so thankful for my illness as I am at this moment.

I've often said that I find my illness (anxiety/panic disorder) a blessing because it brought me closer to God. I am now even more grateful that God allowed me to see, through this late night/early morning epiphany, that He is incredibly merciful. If I had continued down the path I was on, I would be someone entirely different from the person y'all know today.

Can you imagine me cussing up a storm? Dressing immodestly? Jumping from guy to guy (though still not sleeping with them; that was one thing I've never had an interest in doing)? I would've probably also still abstained from smoking, doing drugs, and drinking (three other things I've never had any interest in) but I could've done other worse things. Lying to keep people liking me? Lying to my parents about what I was doing and with whom? Slowly poisoning my mind with lustful thoughts that could've easily made it into my mind and sight? Supporting things like abortion (which I have never supported) and other things liberals are passionate about? I feel sick to think that could've been me right now. At the same time I'm eternally grateful I was able to avoid that. Thank you, Lord, from keeping me from that!!!

It's nearly 4 a.m. and I should go to sleep so I'll say this one last thing: be thankful for every experience God gives you. You know the saying, "What doesn't kill me will only make me stronger?" It's true. I've survived so much (including malicious gossip and negative people) and I'd like to think I came out a stronger person because of it. And I owe it all to God who is truly amazing!

That's all for now. It's way past my bedtime. ;) I hope y'all have a wonderful Sunday. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.

A Week of God, Love, and Friendships.

I have the best friends a girl could ask for... and I'm completely unworthy of them. I've been trying to finish this post for the past week but my friends keep doing amazing things so I kept putting off. More on that later. Getting back on topic, I have been truly blessed with the people I call my friends. It's taken many failed friendships, arguments, and tears but I finally have the friends I've been praying for.

I've always been a people pleaser. I was a little feistier and a terrible little know-it-all growing up, but I always wanted everyone to get along. Unfortunately, this meant that I would often change myself just to fit with so-called friends. It's a horrible habit I developed at a very young age that became hard to break as I got older. Often, friendships would change me into someone I was not proud of. There were many that brought out the worst in me. Not surprisingly, these friendships happened while I was away from the Church. I call the period between high school and my turning 20 years old my "lost years" because it's when I was the most horrible I've ever been. I lied a lot because I did not trust my "friends" (and had good reason not to) and/or because it was the only way I would earn their "respect" so that they'd leave me alone. At the time, my reasoning behind my actions was "Well, I can't tell them the truth because they'll try to take advantage of me (which many truly did, especially since I was starting out in the biz) and/or because they'll gossip whatever I say back to others (which most did; and a majority of the gossip ended up being false, anyway)." What I failed to realize was that the better option was just to cut these so called friendships off and find myself friends that would inspire me to become a better person. A year or so before I returned to the Church, I went through a process of cutting ties with all the people that had caused me to act the way I did. I'm not blaming them for everything; I take full responsibility for my own actions and will, to this day, own up to everything I did. I'm not proud of what I did and said, but I am grateful that by the grace and mercy of God, I was able to sort of start over (in a sense) and start down the right path. At the end of the "cleansing" period -- which actually culminated with my getting physically sick -- I knew I'd done the right thing... no matter how lonely I'd feel.

I kept, or I should say was kept by, friends who proved loyal and trustworthy and who had known the real me and not the front I'd given to other people. They knew the truth and that's all that mattered to me. Slowly, some of those friendships ended (many had gone down the path I was previously on and/or were unable to give up that lifestyle), but I also gained friendships that would slowly change me into the person I am today. Most of these friendships were made because we shared a common love of God. As I started coming back to the Church... attending Mass, going to confessions regularly, breaking the horrid habits I'd grown used to... my friendships flourished and multiplied. The more in love I became with Catholicism and with the idea of doing things that would please the Lord instead of things that would hurt him, the stronger the bonds with my new friends became. The stronger the friendships became, the better I wanted to be. The first friends that actually inspired me weren't Catholic. They were Christians. I had Catholic friends who brought out positive aspects of myself, but they're all lapsed Catholics (don't worry, I'm working on it. :D). As I saw myself becoming a person my parents could be proud of, and with the help of priests I've talk to, I vowed to never do the things I once did with my former "friends." I could never hurt the people that had brought so much love and understanding into my life. This, btw, explains my hatred of lying and dishonesty. I can no longer lie to anyone about anything, even if it's the smallest white lie. I loathe it! It's like when you eat something that makes you violently sick and you can never eat it again because you know it's bad for you in more ways than one. If someone asks me something, I'll give them the straight answer... unless it's something I don't wish to discuss because it's too personal. When that happens, I just say that I don't want to talk about it because I truly don't. I've become increasingly private as I've gotten older. :D

I reflected upon these thoughts the past week... especially when I saw that my friends, old and new, had begun spoiling me. I had many friends whom I didn't speak to for weeks because they either didn't know how talk to me after my father's death or because that person (or I) had become so busy that emails and phone calls became infrequent. Lately we've all been stepping it up, though. I thoroughly enjoy my chats with my friends during the week and outings whenever we can plan something. I've been giving advice, and receiving it myself, and it's all coming from the heart. I want the best for my friends so I try to help them with whatever they need and it seems to be vice versa.

A couple of days ago I received a card and prayer bouquet from my friend Claire of Musings of a Twentysomething that showed me just how amazing my friends are... and how blessed I am that the Lord has brought these people into my life. I actually haven't personally met Claire yet, though we certainly tried to meet up when she was in L.A. earlier this summer. Despite this we've developed a very strong bond which neither of us can explain. She's also my first real traditional Catholic girlfriend too, which makes things even better. :D Anyway, a few days ago I received my first prayer bouquet from her and members of her women's prayer group. I can't begin to describe the amount of love and support I felt from these women who I've never met. All but Claire are still complete strangers to me, but here they were... telling me that they were going to pray for my father's soul and for me. I teared up as I read their lovely messages. May God bless them for everything.

That was just one example of what my friends have done for me. I thank God each and every day for the people I call my friends. Like I said at the beginning of this blog, I feel like I'm truly undeserving of their friendship... but I am truly grateful that God has brought them into my life. Not only do I have a wonderful support system, many of whom will drop what they're doing if I ever need a shoulder to cry on or a person to rant to... and vice versa :), but I've learned what true friendships are like. Of course God is in the center of all these friendships, which is why I think they work and why they've made me a better person.

Have I gushed enough? lol. I think it's not enough, and I haven't talked about all the wonderful things that happened to me this past week, but I don't want to make this any longer than it is... plus I still have to study for my Interpersonal Communications test. I will hopefully blog about what I'm doing for the 40 Days for Life. :D

Alright, since I've finished novel writing for the day (which also has a strong theme of friendship in it) and since I have nothing else to do... I will go make myself a cup of tea and study for my exam. Hope everyone has a great evening (or day for my British friends :D).

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Anxiety Strikes Again; Easiest Way to Get Me Peeved: Insult God.

And the anxiety strikes again. Grr! I had to leave my English Literature class early today -- only making it through less than half the class -- because of my anxiety. One of these days I will say it's no longer an issue but for now, it stinks. After months of being pretty good and not having major anxiety, it's struck in a big way.

The worst anxiety attacks I've had have happened last Saturday (not this past Saturday), last Wednesday, and last night. As I mentioned in the previous post, I thought they would have to take me to the hospital twice but I knew it was anxiety so I tried my hardest to stick it out. Last night was the second worst attack I've had in a long time. It started earlier in the day (it was a complete miracle I made it through the Mass) but got bad at night. It lasted a good 2 hours or so before I was calm enough to even think about sleeping. My poor mom stayed up with me until nearly midnight and then dad woke up to take over until I was alright. I'll tell you, all of this sucks. (Pardon my language!)

One of the good things about the anxiety is that, since I've already lived through enough panic attacks to know when it's anxiety, I don't wig out as much as I used to... thus allowing me to calm down even sooner. I think it got worse last night because I remembered all the work I am behind on (mainly: my History of World Religions class) and that didn't help much.

I had a St. Dymphna prayer/holy card on my desk in English class today, but I think since I was offended a bit during class, that didn't help my anxiety at all.

See, today we sat around in a circle and read John Milton's "Paradise Lost". Now, that alone, with the little anxiety I had before class, made me nervous. We take turns reading and, uh, I am not the best reader when it comes to reading out loud. To myself, I'm a quick reader but I hate public speaking. Anyway, I was okay with it, I can usually handle that... until someone in class called God a... well, let's just say it's one of the worst things someone can call God. I immediately went "WHOA" and said it loud, in the person's direction. He tried to explain himself, and I understood what he was trying to say, but the fact that he called God that specific word really ticked me off. Our professor tried to bring things back into perspective and say things the way they should've been said... but I was peeved, and so was the girl who sat next to me. Even she said it was a bit extreme to call Him that word. I said out loud that I was offended and made it clear that I was upset.

I don't care what your religious beliefs are... you NEVER insult God with that word. EVER! If you disagree with Catholicism or Christianity, that's your prerogative, just be careful how you phrase things because people will be offended if you don't. I'm just saying. I think that's what might've triggered my whole "I can't breathe; anxiety; must leave class 'cause I feel sick" thing. The guy kept glancing at me after that. Hey, if you insult God, I will make it known that it's completely unacceptable. I would've said more to him about how completely disrespectful that was and given him my 2 cents but that would've just opened up a bigger can on worms. I am prepared to back up my feelings on Wednesday (if the Lord gives me enough strength to make it through without anxiety) if the guy wants to clear up what he said.

So, there you go. If you ever want to get me angry, that's the way to do it.
Man, if I wasn't already feeling like I was going to lose it (anxiety-wise) I would've spoken my mind until there was no tomorrow. Okay and... rant over, I promise.

Okay, well, I should probably email my professor as to why I left early so I'm going to do that.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

P.S. Check out my new friend Matthew's blog Fallible Blogma. It's awesome!

Palpitations and Pains in Church; Golden Crucifix Dream.

Man, I've had one doozy of a weekend. When I went to confessions yesterday, my heart kept beating as though it was going to jump out of my chest. It calmed down when I confessed but when I went to kneel in front of the tabernacle, it started right up again. I was trying to say the Act of Contrition and then say the amount of prayers Fr. Juan had given me but I just couldn't concentrate. My heart was beating with so much force that the St. Jude medallion (which I wear on a chain) was actually bouncing off my shirt. That's never happened and it was quite scary. I closed my eyes and said "Lord, if this is the work of the enemy trying to keep me from praying, please help me." I managed to calm down and concentrated after that.

Today, I went to Mass by myself (mom's battling a painful toothache and dad simply didn't "feel like going"). I was fine until I started getting these chest pains over my heart. I ignored the first one but when the second and third came I worried and left Mass. They were about to start with the Eucharist too. :( I was seriously scared because the pains burned. I only got about 5 pains before it stopped though. Still, I got home and I cried. After the ordeal I went through last year, I've remained very nervous about my heart. I think (and hope) it was maybe some heartburn or something. I'd eaten some hot (chili) chicken in the morning and then took a nap an hour and a half later. I woke up with my stomach all acid-y so I think that that's what triggered the burning chest pains. I haven't had any pains since, thank goodness. To be honest, I think I cried mostly because I left Mass early. I was scared about the pains but didn't get a panic attack or anything like that. Hopefully I won't get a repeat of it again.

I don't know what's going on but I think I'm definitely in for a fight. I haven't been praying as much as I used to -- either I run out of time or forget. I didn't go to Mass for two weekends (I was sick in bed the first week and had that midterm last Sunday) and confession for 3 weeks. That was also a first. I usually go to confession once a week... or at least once every 2 weeks. It's been that way for nearly 2 years now. I had to leave Mass early the last time I went, and again today. My parents have started refusing to go to Church with me. Oh, I'm definitely in for a battle but I'm not going to give up on these things! At least I'm still having my wonderful dreams.

A few nights ago I had this dream that I was left at the altar, in my wedding dress, by someone I cared about in real life a while ago. Anyway, I was really upset in the dream and then I found this golden crucifix. It somehow appeared in my hand, wrapped in a silk handkerchief. I was so happy to see it that I kissed it because I knew that it was a sign of comfort... and then woke up. I told a friend of mine about this and he said, "Well, maybe the golden Crucifix means that Jesus is always there. Gold is precious, so even though things go to custard, as you could say, Jesus is still there. So Jesus is your treasure." I think he's right. Lately I've been feeling just horrible at home and the lack of communications between my friends and I is starting to take its toll on me. I think that I just have to remember that I'll always have the love of God, and our beautiful Blessed Mother; especially when I don't feel it from anyone else. The dream was definitely a reminder of that... and that's such a comforting thought to have. :D I hope everyone remembers that when they're feeling down.

Alright, well, I have to work on some schoolwork. Yeah, it's a never-ending cycle of critical analysis and research papers. lol. I hope everyone had a great weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Proud to be Catholic When No One Else Speaks Up.

I got back from my British Literature class a little while ago. We're starting to dive into some of the stories that are part of the Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer (I can already imagine some of you rolling your eyes, lol). Well, before we really dove into it the general prologue, she asked how many of us were Roman Catholics. Take a wild guess at who was the only one who raised their hand without hesitation. Yup, I was the only one. I spoke up too. I said "I'm Roman Catholic... and I'm proud!" I even pumped my fist up in the air for emphasis. lol. No one else spoke up. Well, no, the guy who sits next to me said he was born Catholic but I guess is a lapsed Catholic. If any of you read one of the last entries in August about when I was in the History of Religions class, the first day back, you'll remember I was the only one who spoke up and said "I'm Roman Catholic." (Side note: I also did the Sign of the Cross with my Rosary and kissed the Crucifix on it, out in the open, right before I entered the classroom).

All of that got me thinking... why are some young Catholics either ashamed of being Catholic or why do they just not acknowledge it? I know, personally, I used to hesitate to say that I was Catholic because of negative connotations that word has, especially in today's society. I just didn't want to deal with all the "stupid questions" (this is my mind frame at the time; I was away from the Church at this time) people wanted to ask so I just said I was Catholic and just stayed quiet. Now, since I no longer care what other people think and because I'm a stronger (spiritually) Catholic, I speak up. I acknowledge that I'm Catholic, and I always say that I'm proud because I am.

It makes me sad that I used to be one of those people who were silently Catholic amongst the masses. It makes me even sadder that there are still A LOT of young people who are that way. It's like you're denying the Lord, in a sense, because you're afraid to speak up and say that you believe in Him. Guess what... no one's gonna make you feel like crumbs if you speak up. No one's made me feel bad about being Catholic. Maybe it's because I live in such a diverse city (Los Angeles) and thus everyone's a little more open-minded. Maybe it's because people are much nicer than others believe. Or maybe I've just been lucky. I don't know. All I know is that it's not going to hurt to speak up once in a while. On the contrary, it'll make you feel spiritually stronger and you can bet you'll earn points with God because it's showing your love for Him and for your faith. :D

I believe that's all I'm going to write for now... and quite possibly for a few days. I'm still getting over my cold so my nauseousness is still present. Yuck. I'm also a week behind schedule so I'm going to play catch up (especially with my British Lit and Oceanography classes). Hope everyone is having a good week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D
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Complaints Challenge... Ay!

Hello there everyone! I'm still pretty much confined to my bed (you darn cold!) and all but I thought I'd get up for a few minutes to write a little something.

You know what I've noticed? Everyone complains an awful lot. I know I do. Yesterday I noticed that I was complaining to my mom about how my History of World Religions professor didn't let me know that I had an extra something due (well, my name wasn't attached to a particular group) until the day before or day it was due. The last time I'd checked it, on Wednesday, my name wasn't on there. When I checked last night, minutes before it was due, I noticed she'd added my name. I hadn't checked on Thursday or earlier in the day yesterday because I'd been stuck in bed. That's when it hit me that it could've been prevented and that a lot of things we complain about usually can be. So, I've decided to challenge myself. Every time I feel like I'm going to start complaining, and it was preventable, I will remind myself that it was my fault for not being more careful. I'm going to learn from it and try to not make the same mistake again.

If it wasn't preventable, I am going to turn it around into something positive. Example: I feel miserable with this cold and it's slowing me down in terms of finishing my coursework BUT I've been finding more time to pray so this cold has becoming a blessing in disguise. I was having less and less time to pray because of my chaotic schedule. Since I've gotten this cold, I've been able to slow down enough that I have time to give thanks to God, and all the saints I've asked for intercessions, for all the wonderful things I've been blessed with lately.

Any else up for this challenge? Let me know if you'll consider it! :D

Alright, it's back to bed for me. I need to get well as soon as possible. Ever since my anxiety's diminished significantly (thank you God and St. Dymphna!), I haven't been wanting to stay indoors. Yup. lol. Okay, I'm done. lol. :D

Hope everyone has a great weekend! As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D
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Brain Overload; Feeling Blessed and Thankful.

Oy. My brain is overloaded with facts of Hinduism. I'm about 2 days late on my paper about Hinduism, as well. :( Bah! I didn't have the cash, or transportation, to get the book on time thus making me fall behind. Luckily, we have a 2 day grace period so... I am going to get to that as soon as I finish this blog. Between my History of World Religions and British Literature courses, I have very little free time. I am not too stressed about my other courses because they don't make my head and eyes hurt as much (in other words, not as much reading). I will be so happy once we're a quarter into the semester because that's when the professor stop loading us with huge amounts of work. I will also need a massage by the end of this coming weekend because I already have knots in my shoulders and back from all the stress. Okay, I will stop my ranting right about... now. lol.

I went Mass today but left about a bit early because I felt like I was going to pass out (I also left my Oceanography course earlier in the day early for the same reason). Since my father and I weren't seated together (long story), he didn't see when I slipped out. I had to wait out by the car until Mass was done... but what I received during that time made up for my missing Mass (well, at least the bummed out feeling of not making it through the Mass) was fantastic. A young girl came up to me (while I was dabbing my forehead with a cold paper towel I got from the bathroom) and asked to borrow my cell phone. She then started up a conversation in which she was very open about her life with me. I've never encountered someone who was that trusting with a stranger. Even though she's a decade younger than I am (wow, that make me feel old, lol), she's lived so much more than I have. She has a child and has gone through heck and back. As she was telling me all these things, I felt very sad for her but personally very blessed at the same time. She asked me questions like whether I had a boyfriend or had kids, whether I was in school, and whether I was saving myself for marriage (though she used more colorful words). I was VERY shocked she would ask me such personal questions but I felt like I had to be very honest with her. I usually just say "I'm sorry but it's none of your business" but I answered all her questions. I think she was very surprised by my answers, especially when I told her I was 23 and not 15 years-old like she thought I was. (Side note: Yes, I'm often mistaken for a teenager. I look anywhere from 15-19 according to people.) I was shocked when she started using the foul language she used. Every other word was the f-bomb. This was on a bench outside of church, too. I kept thinking "How can someone be so disrespectful at church?" Granted, we weren't inside but we were still a couple of feet away. Talking to her and hearing her words, I mean really hearing her, made me very so blessed and thankful for the life I've had.

Even though I've had really sad things happen, I've been able to stay on a pretty good path. Even during my time away from the Church, I didn't go crazy. I never really went through a stage of teenage rebellion. I did sort of have a mini one when I was 18-19 but it was in the form of getting home a few minutes (like 10 minutes) later than I said I would be (coming home from a concert). That's not exactly rebellion, is it? lol. I never did anything anyone else was doing in my circle of "friends". That was my rebellion; not doing something because everyone was doing it. Though I did have some slip-ups, like lying and swearing (I call that the "Lost" part of my youth; all around the time I was away from the Church), I never got to the point of doing huge self-destructive things. I think God blessed me with enough common sense to not do those things. There have been a number of times where I could have easily strayed and done things I would've greatly regretted. Thankfully, I've always known how or when to get myself out of those situations. Once, I sent my friend an S.O.S. text, he called me and got me out of the situation and I'm forever grateful for it.

So, during my chat with the young woman, I thought about all I've gone through and I was so thankful to God for everything. I honestly feel so blessed to have had the experiences I've had (both good and bad) because they've gotten me to where I am in life. Though I have sinned (but, really, who hasn't?), I've confessed those sins and I've made a great effort to stay on the right path. And I owe it all to my faith and to God. Without my faith, prayer, and everything else I would be completely depressed and probably still sick from all the negative thoughts and feelings. If I didn't have the Rosary or my own little journal thing I keep to Our Lady (Blessed Mother), I would've been nutty (well, nuttier, lol).

Isn't it amazing how I got all of this from church though not through Mass? Of course, I would've stayed for the entire Mass if I hadn't felt lightheaded and faint like I did. And, of course, I would've learned a lot for today's readings. I think that this whole thing happened for a reason -- me leaving a few minutes early and chatting to the girl. It certainly made me appreciate everything, especially my parents. :D

Alright, well I think I've taken enough of your time for today. :D I have got to get back to cramming more Hinduism facts into my brain (so many deities in that religion...) so I can finish that paper.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Philosophy of Logic, God, and Narnia.

This is going to be a semi-quick blog because I still have a discussion thing to write for my Philosophy of Logic course which is due in like... 8 hours. It's something I can do in a couple of minutes but I want to get it done early.

I just finished my third and fourth Philosophy of Logic quizzes/exercises. My professor lets us re-take them twice if we get them wrong the first time. I've gotten a couple answers wrong... on purpose. There are some answers that I don't agree with, i.e. "Only things that are material exist. Therefore, God does not exist." (Friedrich Engels, Socialism: Utopian and Scientific). For this particular quote, the answer is that the statement is correct, well, according to the test answer and the quiz's objective. I obviously don't agree, though I can see how it would be the "correct" answer, so my answer was that the statement was an assumption (inductive vs. deductive for you Philosophy buffs). I got the answer wrong and then had to go back and fix it to the "correct" answer it. Maybe next time I'll just leave it like it is, even if it's a borderline grade and thus getting me a lower grade. Like I said, I understand how some people would argue that Friedrich would be correct but, though we can't see God, we can see what He's created therefore we know He exists. Unfortunately, I can't say that because it's a multiple choice quiz and no essay portion. We'll see what I do next time.

One thing that made me smile was when I saw a Chronicles of Narnia reference in the fourth quiz/exercise. Well, to be precise, it was a quote from Professor Kirke (The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe book): "There are only three possibilities. Either your sister is telling lies, or she is mad, or she is telling the truth. You know she doesn't tell lies and it is obvious that she is not mad... we must assume (ed.: conclude, on test) that she is telling the truth." I got the answer correct. lol. I love little unexpected surprises like that. :D

OH!!! Quick novel/screenplay update: it's going well. I've been finding time to work on it despite my crazy schedule. To give you a hint of the mood/tempo of the scenes I'm currently working on... listen to the song "Outside" and "Strange and Beautiful" by Aqualung. Specifically, look at the lyrics. That's all I'm saying. :D

Alright, well, I've got to get back to work. I need to finish my work (for the week) for Philosophy of Logic and then finish my History of World Religions work early so I can hopefully take a carefree road trip tomorrow. Sorry the blog was a bit academic but, what can I do? I'm immersing myself into all my courses. :D

'Til next time, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Come On, It's a Joke!

While I wait for my Philosophy professor to e-mail me back, I'll share this joke someone posted on the Roman Catholic (Global) facebook group.

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An atheist was walking through the woods.
'What majestic trees'!
'What powerful rivers'!
'What beautiful animals'!
He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!'

Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. 'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.' 'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer'?
The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'?

"Very Well," said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

"Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."
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Badda-ching! I can't help but laugh at this joke. lol.

And, that's all. Really. I still have to keep an eye out for what I need to do in my courses so I can try and do them as early as possible. :D

Hope everyone had a great weekend! 'Til next time, thanks for reading and God Bless!
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Decisions and Changes.

If you had the choice to attend a school where you were comfortable at and would be receiving a great amount to attend, but knew you would struggle to stay morally and spiritually right, would you stay? If you had the alternative of attending another school where you would have a hard time in terms of financial aid and stress, but knew that you would be able to stay on the right path, would you rather go there? These were the questions that I had/have to deal with.

I was excited about attending school A (where I was comfortable) but I was noticing that, though I tried to stay as righteous as I could, I would struggle. In the first 2 days that I went to my courses at school A, I was very surprised at how quickly I'd fallen back into the routine I had when I first attended said school. This was prior to my coming back to the Church. I swore like a sailor (and I'm ashamed of that). It was a lot easier for me to say the Lord's name in vain (even though I didn't really think about doing it). I think that's what the problem was... I didn't think my actions through before I did them. I caught myself MANY TIMES coming very close to saying the Lord's name in vain this past week. All unintentionally but, ugh, I hate doing that. Thankfully, I was able to stop myself. I saw myself going back to the way I was and I refuse to be that person again. I've worked very hard to get where I am now. Not only that, I simply don't want to offend God in any way, shape, or form. I have too much love and respect for Him and the Church to do that. That meant I had to do the hard thing and leave a place of comfort to go somewhere I would be humbled.

Last night, I dropped all my courses and decided to go back to school B where I was at last fall. Everyone's pretty shocked that I did this because I've always said that I completely disliked school B but I feel like it's for the best. I will have financial aid issues with school B but I would rather get little to no financial aid than to compromise my beliefs and turn myself back to who I was then. At school A, I would be taking my Philosophy and Religious Studies courses with mostly ultra-liberal professors (with the exception of the Philosophy of Religion class I was taking). At school B, I am more free to express my beliefs about God and about faith without the professors penalizing me for it. And, at school B I know that I can stay on the path that I was going down on, which is a path of prayer, without it being such an issue like it was at school A. I don't think I ever swore/cursed at any point when I attend school B.

The argument that I could be at either school and just really work hard at not straying has come up in my mind. I completely agree... but I also think that I'm still learning how to stay on the right path. I'm very strong willed and all but there are some things I still need to work on and going to school A would just set me back.

I see it this way -- for example: Let's say you're completely bored and want to go see a movie. Film A (which represent school A) is a very mature rated R movie that you could go watch for free, and you'll even get free popcorn and a drink. You know it would be bad for you because of the content but you say to yourself that it's just a movie; no big deal. You'll just cover your eyes during certain scenes. Now, let's say Film B (school B) is a tame, rated G movie that you have to pay your last $20 to see. You know that you'll be broke if you see it but know that the content won't be unsuitable. With Film A, you can try to cover your eyes but there's always the temptation and the possibility of watching the icky scenes in a moment of weakness. With Film B, yes, you'll be broke but you won't feel guilty afterward and won't have to go to confession for it. Which would you choose? Hopefully, Film B... which is what I did. I would rather have to work hard physically and mentally to keep myself ahead (and basically be broke) than to work hard to keep myself spiritually and morally right with many temptations around. It's easier to fall in situation/film/school A than it is in B.

So, now I will have yet another first day of school when I return to school B next Wednesday. I already have my courses set, and I've spoken to professors who have vowed to help me out (I have an amazing English Lit professor) in case I need it. I'm armed with my Rosary and novena so I am not going to stress out, and am surprisingly anxiety and stress free -- SERIOUSLY!, because I have faith that God will help me if I truly need it. This is yet another one of those obstacles that I have to get through to become a better person.

Okay, I think I've bored y'all enough with my little situation. lol. I hope to have time to write quite a bit soon. I STILL have a blog I'm planning so keep your eyes out for it.

I will be praying for of all you who are going back to school. Anyone else counting down the days 'til Christmas break? I already am. Hahaha. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Go Liverpool!; Anxiety and Catholicism, St. Dymphna.

I just watched the Liverpool vs. Sunderland game and let me tell you, Fernando Torres is a monster (in a good way)! Haha. I yelled and celebrated before saying "Torres, you are one beautiful man for scoring!" lol. I get a little too into soccer matches, especially if they are Liverpool matches. If my neighbors hadn't woken up by 9:30 a.m. (remember I'm on the U.S. West Coast), they definitely did with my yelling. Haha. I hope they will continue to do well throughout the season. And, good luck to everyone's team... even if you are a Manchester United (ugh) fan (like one of my best friends is). Yes, it is possible for Liverpool and Man Utd fans to be friends. Haha. :D

Oh, and before I continue with what I want to write about anxiety and Catholicism, the EEG test went a lot quicker than I had anticipated. My mom said it took them 45 minutes from start to finish. That strobe light that flashes when you have your eyes closed totally messed up my calm/zen feeling but it wasn't anything I couldn't control. Thank goodness that was only for about 2-3 minutes though. eesh. My props to those who have had that test done with anxiety worse than mine. You are brave souls.

And while I'm on the topic of anxiety (see how nicely it flows into the main topic? lol), I've noticed that quite a number of people who read the blog have discovered it while searching for anxiety related things that have to do with Catholicism. While I had my pretty strong attack yesterday (the EEG test has thrown me off balance a bit), I had an epiphany... which was actually a repeat of the first one I had a few weeks ago.

For some time now, I've asked the Lord to give me peace of mind when I have my anxiety attacks. It's very easy (depending on how bad your anxiety is) to completely wig out and start with the negative thoughts. "Oh, I'm going to die", "Something's wrong with me!", "I'm never going to get better!", "I'm hopeless", etc. I've had some of those thoughts before, particularly during the really intense attacks, but I've completely put myself in the hands of the Lord so I feel more at ease when I get sick. I think that when you do something like that, you feel more in control (in a sense) because you know that whatever happens it's because it's the Lord's will. Every time I get sick now, I say, "Please give me the strength to overcome this, if it's the Lord's will. If I have to endure it for a longer period of time, please give me the strength and courage to deal with this for as long as I have to." I've had anxiety for years (since I was 15) but I've gotten to a point where it no longer gets to me the way it used to because I've realized that I can only get stronger from it. Yes, I have attacks and sometimes those attacks make me feel like the world is caving in around me, or I get so frustrated that all I can do is cry. But then I remind myself that there are people in this world who are so far worse than I am.

There are people who have illnesses and circumstances that are very grave. There are children, who are defenseless, who suffer from things like life-threatening cancer. Innocent people suffer far worse than I do. It really makes you put things into perspective. Yes, I (and others who have anxiety and other nervous illnesses) go through something that's indescribably horrible... but at least we have hope of getting better. I think people should be more grateful for all they have and should focus on helping others who truly need it. And, also, it's always important to remember that we're never alone. God never leaves those in need alone, EVER. Just when things get really bad, remind yourselves that the Lord never gives you anything that you can't handle. There's a reason why we go through what we go through; we just have to have faith that it's all part of God's plans for us. We might not understand the reason, but there is one and it's only going make us stronger. Just think of this verse from the Bible:

"Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. And so shall the peace of God, which exceeds all understanding, guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7)

There are many more, which I will hopefully have them all written in a blog fairly soon -- like before I start Fall semester in a week.

One thing we Catholics can also do is pray to St. Dymphna for her intercession. St. Dymphna was an Irish martyr. She was killed by her father, who had gone mad after the death of his wife, for refusing to marry him. You can learn more about her at her wikipedia page (it's legit). I've prayed for her intercession numerous times when I've gone through particularly bad anxiety periods and she's NEVER let me down. I can feel myself very calm after a few minutes of praying the Holy Card I have of her. I scanned it in for those of you who would like to have it (just click on it to make it bigger).



I think the most important thing we can do is pray and have faith that everything will turn out for the best. Pray the Rosary when you're going through a bad time. It's completely amazing how I've completely engrossed myself in prayer and it's brought such peace into my heart, I've been able to eliminate anxiety very quickly.

Alright, I've already written more than I intended to. When do I not? lol. Oh, and quick update: I'm making HUGE steps on the novel/screenplay I'm working on. I'm so excited that God's been blessing me with such an amazing creative kick. I hope I do a good job on it... especially since there might be plans to turn it into a film (which may be filmed at the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe -- did I just give something away? I think I did. *gasp* lol.) *crosses fingers* Okay, wow, I need to stop writing. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.
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You Know You're Catholic When...

Feeling better today, my dears. I still don't have much time to talk online but I thought I'd leave you these lists that I thought were hilarious... and so true. lol. The first list is from a now-defunct Catholic blog called LAMLand and the second is from a facebook group called "You Might Be a Hardcore Catholic If..." I hope you all enjoy the lists and have a chuckle. :D

You know you're Catholic when...

1. ...every time you go into your pantry you feel a strange compulsion to cross yourself and say, "Bless me Father, for I have sinned..."
2. ...guilt is your best friend, and you feel obligated to share it with others.
3. ...You genuflect before entering your seat at the theater.
4. ...if you only crave hamburgers and steaks on Fridays during Lent and you crave fish every other day in Lent... just never on Fridays.
5. ...if you sneak into protestant churches, sprinkle holy water, and hide blessed medals.
6. ...you can only recite the Creed when around large groups of people.
7. ...you make the sign of the cross when you pass in front of a Catholic church.
8. ...you hear the Angelus bells and begin saying the Angelus to yourself.
9. ...just about every special interest group in the country hates your guts.
10. ...you have an overwhelming compulsion to say, "And also with you," when Yoda says, "May the Force be with you."
11. ...someone says they're going to KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken) and you think they are going to bingo at the K of C.
12. ...someone asks you your favorite Madonna song and you say “Hail Holy Queen.”
13. ...you hide anti-Catholic books in the library and bookstore behind other books on the shelf.
14. ...you have to remember which bottle has the holy water and which bottled has the water for drinking.
15. ...you know how to process, keeping two pews between you and the person in front, keeping lined up with your partner, walking without bobbing or swaying, and you genuflect on graduation day when you get to your seat.
16. ...you know at least 5 sins that can be committed against each of the 10 commandments.
17. ...you pray a Hail Mary when you hear a fire truck or ambulance siren.
18. ...all your children have saint names instead of names chosen from celebrities.
19. ...You have a rosary hanging from your dash.
20. ...you have a holy water fountain at your door and a religious picture and crucifix in every room.
21. ...your son calls home after being gone and the first thing you ask is have you been attending Mass.
22. ...one of your crucifixes has five years worth of dried out palms stuck behind it.
23. ...they know you at every Catholic bookstore in the area, and ask you where you've been if you haven't stopped by in a while.
24. ...you measure your life by the number of Popes who have come and gone.
25. ...after making the Sign of the Cross at the start of the Rosary, you say "Bless us O Lord and these Thy gifts..."
26. ...you spend the first five minutes of the day untangling your scapular from your Miraculous Medal.
27. ...you have a St. Christopher medal in you car.
28. ...you know more than 15 recipes for preparing tuna fish.
29. ...you refer to other religions as "Non-Catholic".
30. ...you carry prayer cards in your purse or wallet.
31. ...You know a family whose every daughter has Mary, or every son has John Paul either as the first or middle name.
32. ...your coworkers point out that you have something on your face and as they go to wipe it off for you, you duck and scream, "No, they’re my ashes!!"
33. ...you know when Advent and Lent begin and what day is Easter

You Might Be a Hardcore Catholic If...
-you've accidentally genuflected at a place other than church ex. the movie theatre, school auditorium
- you're sick of being asked why priests can't be married.
- you have a "favorite" religious order.
- you say the meal prayer no matter where you are.
- you have a Nativity set at your house during Christmas, and have also played with it.
- you've accidentally made the sign of the cross when leaving regular buildings.
- whenever anyone says "JPII" in your head you think "We love you".
- you know that Father Stan could take on Eminem any day.
- you LOVE the book Captivating and/or Wild at Heart (Even though they were written by non-Catholics).
- you know that Advent is the beginning of the new church year.
- you have a special place in your heart for Mother Teresa.
- you're more than willing to come forth with a valid miracle to help Mother Teresa become a saint.
- You know at least five people named Mary.
- You want to name one of your sons John Paul.
- you have a Mary statue in your front yard.
- You can name off all the Joyful, Glorious, Sorrowful, and Luminous mysteries.
- you consider your rosary to be your spiritual weapon.
- You've memorized the St. Michael the Archangel prayer and recite it when you feel tempted by sin.
- one or more of your friends entered the seminary or the convent.
- you have 20+ cousins.
- your mom is currently pregnant.
- you and your spouse practice NFP (Natural Family Planning).
- you believe in Purgatory and know it's important to pray for the souls who are currently in Purgatory.
- you get excited whenever Matt Maher releases a new album! Yea "Overflow"!!
- you think Scott Hahn writes the coolest books.
- you live chastity and are saving yourself for your future spouse.
- you're able to sit still for a full hour in front of the Blessed Sacrament.
- your idea of a great date is Mass followed by good conversation at a local coffee shop.
-You refer to John Paul II as John Paul the Great.
- you never leave home without your scapular.
- you are discerning the religious life.
- you often end disputes with, "Let's look it up in the Catechism."
- you and your friends have shown up at Adoration at 4:00 in the morning.
- when watching Star Wars and hear "May the force be with you" you respond with "And also with you".
- your mom always says "4 kids, Catholic".
- you have participated in sword fights using Palms on Passion Sunday.
- you've run into your Parish Nuns at a Cardinal's game.
- XLT is the big event of the month in which you invite everyone you know (in St. Louis that is).
- you and friend friends ever played "Mass" instead of House, or Cops and Bad Guys.
- You have your own designated seat at Mass.
- they know you at every Catholic bookstore in the area, and ask you where you’ve been if you haven’t stopped by in a while.
- on the night before the first Sunday of Advent you and your friends have a Liturgical New Year's Eve party, and count down to the new Liturgical Year!!
- you're named after a saint, not a family member.
- you know at least three awesome stories about Padre Pio.
- you get excited about going to Mass. (Side note: Oh, this is a big YES for me. lol)
- you arrive at Mass half an hour early to get a good seat and talk to Jesus.
- Redemptive Suffering gets you through sports.
- your mom always makes sure to celebrate your feast day.
- altar serving was the cool thing to do.
- You associate the smell of incense with major feast days.
- You attend multiple retreats per year.
- you point at your friends in line for confession calling them sinners and everyone laughs as you get to the end of line.
- Your teachers grade you down when you write papers about moral issues and papers involving God. (Side note: We'll see this semester. ;D)
- you've ever referred to yourself and your significant other as "a couple discerning a vocation to marriage".
- You and your many siblings went trick-or-treating dressed as Popes and martyrs.
- you feel compelled to make the sign of the cross after reciting ANYTHING... (happens after the pledge of allegiance almost every morning!) and then you catch yourself and have to remind yourself that it wasn't a prayer.
- If you have a priest come bless your house with holy water before you move in.
- You never eat before church, and brunch afterwards is always the best!
- Your first serious conversation you have with a potential girl/boyfriend involves your conversion story.
- You lie awake at night wondering why the St. Michael Prayer was removed from the end of Mass.
- The word "vocation" to you does not simply mean "job".
- People tend you look in your direction in class whenever anything involving religion comes up.
- You always have one or more saints on some part of your body.
- You have a Rosary or Saint Christopher pin in your car.
- One of your Crucifixes has five years worth of dried out palms stuck behind it.
- You would rather get your picture with the Pope then with a huge celebrity. (YES!)
- You have more than one Rosary hanging from your bed.
- You have contemplated being in a religious order at least once.
- Your one wish is to be able to ride in the Popemobile.
- you have a small family because most of your uncles and aunts are priests and nuns.
- you say "God bless you" anytime anyone sneezes, out of habit.
- You know the greatest way to start a date is with The Mass, because you'll have the greatest meal, Christ in the Eucharist.
- You know more about St. Francis of Assisi than "he was some guy who could talk to animals".
- you have had multiple meetings with the priest at your own will.
- all your pens and post-its say "Discover the Priesthood".
- You had competitions with your friends on Ash Wednesday to see who could keep their ashes on the longest.
- You still write "Your Kingdom Come!" or "JMJ" at the top of your page/letter/report/test.
- You find yourself asking all the cute boys whether or not they've ever considered becoming a priest instead of asking them for their number.
- You spend your Thursday nights at choir practice hanging out with people at least thirty-five years older than you in preparation for Sunday Mass.
- You mentally correct every textbook use of "BCE" and CE" with "Before Christ" and "Anno Domini". You also mentally capitalize every written use of the word "God" and "Mass".
- You know that some Catholics don't eat meat on Wednesdays or Fridays, even not during Lent.
- you live in the Vatican.
- you find that praying the Rosary is a good way to pass the time (especially at work).
- you get really excited over a holy day of obligation.
- if you are tired of people referring to the birth of Jesus the Immaculate Conception.
- you've ever been told my your mom, "Offer it up", and then felt very obliged to do so.
- when discussing possible names for your future children with friends or your future spouse, you start ruling out names that aren't virtues, saints, or biblical.
- you've ever thought it would be fun to read the CCC as if it were a novel.
- you instinctively grab the person's hand next to you when it's time to pray.
- you hug strangers at Mass during the sign of peace.
- when you hear someone's name read off, you think in your head "pray for us".
- you've ever ruled out dating someone because they weren't Catholic.
- you tell other people your last name, they begin spouting off names of people that you are probably related too.
- You plan what to wear based on the liturgical color of the day.
- You hold office hours at the Catholic Center/Catholic Student Center/Newman Center.
- You and your roommates have scheduled "spiritual nights" to discuss whatever issues of faith that are on your mind that week.
- You think getting a S.T.D. is cool...(S.T.D.= Doctorate of Sacred Theology)
- you held a Pope party (complete with Papal flag, and German beer) for the election of the B XVI (it was a Tuesday night).
- you were disappointed when you couldn't find a Catholic version of trivia pursuit. (Side note: OH YEAH!)
- When you tell the someone who your favorite musical artists are they have NO IDEA who you are talking about.
- When you hear the word Madonna, you think of the Blessed Virgin, not the song "Like a Virgin."
- You know that "prostrate" is not a place where men develop cancer.
- you convince your roommate that Jesus loves Him/Her no matter what religion they are.
- Instead of change, you find a rosary under your couch cushions.
- when you've said the Rosary outside a Planned Parenthood in protest with a Respect Life group.
- You look at this list and laugh really hard, because you know it's so true.
- you have at one point had to stop a younger sibling from playing in the Holy Water font.

I'm gonna add one to the list:
- You have an account on xt3.com (:D)

I'm sure there are more but those were all that are listed. If you have any more you'd like to contribute to the list, please don't hesitate to leave me a message either on here or through e-mail. :D

Alright, well that's all for now. Thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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A Little Update

Oh, my lovely dears, Miss C.N.W. has not been well lately. After an amazing day last Sunday, my health has declined and it stinks. It's not even just me... it's my mother as well. My mom has acute tonsillitis which has made her miserable. I don't exactly know what's wrong with me but it's no doubt something anxiety related. I've been very weak (I can't really walk and I feel like passing out most of the day). My anxiety's gone up a lot lately... but it's more of a type of depression because the water works have been opened almost daily and I've gone through a lot of tissues. It stinks. I missed Mass today because I don't feel like I can stand up and walk long enough to make it through the entire Mass (not to mention that I had a mini sob-fest/anxiety thing a few minutes before we had to leave for Mass). Ugh. What I hate more than being sick is missing Mass. :(

As you might have guessed, I missed one of my weekend trips. I was able to make one of them on Friday but it was a day trip so it wasn't too bad. I did NOT have fun though... unless lack of sleep, lack of food, panic attacks, crazy hot weather, and the notoriously bad Southern California traffic is your idea of fun. lol. We're going to wait until both my mom and I are well enough to go on the second one and visit her family in her home country... well, the home country of her family's (my mom's technically American). I'm definitely looking forward to that.

I don't know when I'll be able to come back online and write a legit blog. Hopefully I'll get better soon. I'm sure all my prayers to Our Lady of Guadalupe will be answered. Actually, I'm sure of it. I asked her to give me anxiety (which I didn't have for a long while) in exchange for my mom's health... and I've been getting more anxious as my mom's been getting better. I got a lecture from my mom not to do that again. (Yes, even at 23, my parents -- as well as my older brother -- feel the need to give me lectures). Oops. lol. Hey, it's worth it because I, at least, know that what I get is anxiety and I am so used to it, I can handle it.

I hope everyone is doing well. :D Don't worry about me, sooner or later I will get better; a giddy, happy, healthy me is a fearsome thing to behold. Y'all have been warned. lol. I'm not too worried about being sick because I've placed myself in God's hands and know He will take care of me. :D Whooo! lol. :D

Alright, I think I need a nap because I'm starting to feel a little lightheaded and kind of loopy. Oh yeah, great fun. lol. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.

P.S. A happy 23rd birthday to one of my best girl friends and a happy 25th birthday to one of the nicest guys I've ever met!! :D
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Cancer News, Greetings from Germany, Change of Plans and Dreams.

First off, I want to give a big WHOOOOOOOOOO!!! because my father has been declared cancer free!!! We just found out a few days ago but since I've been so busy, I haven't had the time. Either way, we're SO HAPPY for dad. He'd been in chemo for over a year and he was getting very tired. Hopefully he'll stay cancer free for the rest of his life because I don't know if he'll be able to make it through a third time. :( We've got to stay optimistic though. :D

Recently I received an early birthday present from a good friend who's currently living and working in Germany... and I can't open it. She specifically wrote that I can't open it for another couple of days. Boo! lol. I'm going to have to give it to mom to hold because I'm too weak to wait. Haha. Hey, I know my weaknesses... this certainly is one. lol. Anyway, it's exciting for me to get stuff from Germany because I love the country and I might be going out there soon. See, my friend in Germany and I have been planning for my trip out there for a year now. Since I was planning on attending a private Catholic college, I had told her that I wouldn't be able to go because of the tuition (which would've been about $32,000 a year!) but since ALL MY PLANS CHANGES, I might be able to go now. Yay!

And speaking of change of plans... I had absolutely NO say in the matter. Due to the recession going on we're making some major sacrifices in the family... and mine had to be my education. Again, I had NO say in what happened. All I know is that one day my parents were all "We support you in whatever you decide to do. We'll help you pay for college" and then the next "We're not going to sign a loan and you can't afford to pay for it yourself so I guess you're not going." Yes, just like that. It completely stinks! So, now I have to enroll at a community college because there's NO WAY I'm going waste time and not further my studies. I already have my schedule planned as well. I have 5 courses which would seem like a heavy load except that I've taken two already (need to take it twice to get credit -- even if I got an A the first time, I need another one this time around). I'm going to have to re-apply to other schools in a few months, as well as scholarships because, sad as it is, I know my parents won't help me pay for school and it's all up to me to come up for the money for tuition. I am definitely still going for my Religious Studies degree (I've decided to become a teacher and teach RST if I don't make it as an author), Catholic college or no Catholic college. I still want to attend one but if it's not in God's plans for me (as this previous school almost was), then I can't change it.

Something my sister D said about my change of plans really stuck with me. She said that maybe God has bigger plans for me that don't involve a college degree because Lord knows how long I've been trying to finish my Bachelor's. So maybe He does have bigger plans for me. Maybe my dream of being a writer is my destiny. You certainly don't need a degree to be an author and I get more work done when I'm not in school. I don't know but I've put myself in His hands and I know He'll point me in the right direction.

And maybe there's clues in my dreams. Yes, we're not supposed to read into our dreams but I've been having some pretty wild ones lately. A few days ago I had a dream that California had an earthquake followed by a tsunami wave. I was caught in the wave (while in a car, under a bridge) but somehow managed to swim rather quickly up to top of this tall building and save my little brother (which I don't have in real life) in the process. Yesterday I had a dream that California was about to have a 7.0 earthquake. I also dreamt I was against people who did magic to get gain things and had St. Teresa of Avila and San Benito (or St. Benedict in English) who is the patron saint against witchcraft. I've been having a lot of dreams that feature Pope Benedict XVI. I have a feeling I'm having these dreams for a reason, but I don't know what this reason is. Only time will tell.

Alright, well, I am exhausted (been a bit sick with a stomach thing the past few days) so I should go to sleep since it's almost half past midnight. 'Til next time, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Mother's Day, Confessions, Saying the Lord's Name in Vain, and My Poor L.A. Galaxy.

Today (May 10) is Mother's Day for all the Mexican and Latin American mothers so... Feliz dia de las Madres to my mom, my big sister, all mamas in my family (including aunts and cousins), my baptism Godmother, my confirmation Godmother and all the other mamas out there. I will give my communion Godmother a shout-out tomorrow 'cause she's American and we celebrate tomorrow. :D

Man, today was a WEIRD day. I was dizzy and lightheaded most of the day. Basically, I was feeling gross until I went to confessions. I was so proud of myself because Fr. Hoang had given me props for what I did in Mass last Sunday (left while I had anxiety but came back to receive communion) and I felt so awesome after I prayed in front of the tabernacle. I was so commitment to what I was praying to God that I left crying... but happy tears. :D After we left that parish, we went to another one (we were in look of a particular prayer card) and dad bought me a scapular and an emerald bead rosary. I've wanted a rosary in this particular color (since the color for my birth month, May, is emerald) for a long time now and I finally got it. I'm definitely counting it as an early birthday present. I was so psyched that I remembered the big things I needed to confess and then it happened... I said "Oh my God!" Yup... I said the Lord's name in vain. *hits face with palm of hand*

This is one really BAD habit that I've picked up over the years. I've been working really hard to break the habit. It's bad! bad! bad! If there is one thing that will always land me back in confession, it's saying the Lord's name in vain. And, to top it off, I don't do it intentionally. I've heard it so many times everywhere (it might be a Southern California thing), and my mom says it a lot (but she says it isn't taking His name in vain), so it's stuck. I've been really good at trying not to say it -- even unintentionally. See, I can usually catch myself and will immediately change it to "Oh my gosh" or "Oh my..." but sometimes it just slips and I don't even realize it until it's too late. I was good about it last week... made it until Thursday when I got a letter that made me temporarily freak out (in a good way). Tonight, it happened when I was getting food. I accidentally spilled and went "Oh my Go..d" I realized as I was finishing the "d" what I'd just said. UGH! And then I got upset over saying that that I went to my room going "I'm stupid! Stupid! Stupid! *sighs* God!" Again, that was so not intentionally! I would NEVER intentionally say it. I would've totally kicked myself if I could. I HATE doing that! I really have to watch what I say because I know it's a mortal sin to say His name in vain. Trust me, if there's one thing I hate more than anything it's a) offending Him and b) having a sin (no matter how small) hanging over my head until the next time confessions roll around. Okay, maybe those are two things but you get what I mean, Though I know I didn't intentionally plan to say His name in vain, I know it's bad. :( *sigh* I'm so angry at myself for letting His name slip. I really am dumb. Ugh! I will try to see if I can make a confession before Mass so I can receive communion. I hate not being able to receive it. :(

I think I was still mad over the whole L.A. Galaxy v New York Red Bulls game. What a GRRR game. lol. To be fair, Galaxy had a better first half than second half but man, oh, man... that darn ref just made me list! He gave yellow cards to Galaxy players over the smallest things (and even gave Becks one that was COMPLETELY random and uncalled for) and when NY would commit fouls and other yellow card worthy things, NADA. Grrr. What's his name... I'm going to check... *2 minutes later* "referee: Alex Prus". Mr Prus, you just made my list... and you don't want to be on my list. lol. If any of you lovely readers know who Rob Styles is... he's WORSE than Rob Styles. Even the commentators were saying how Alex Prus was giving New York chances and that he was being unfair to the Galaxy. Ugh. Mr. Prus, you disgust me! Go back to referee school or something. Okay, rant over. lol. I REALLY wanted to go to tonight's game because they had Brit Week at the Home Depot Center (Galaxy stadium). Oh man, I would've loved to have gone but a) I felt really weak all day and b) I have things to do at home. Blah. Hopefully I'll be able to go do a Galaxy game this season, before I pack my things and move to my new school. I really, really, really want an Alan Gordon jersey (I LOVE him) so I'm hoping to get one if I ever make it to the Home Depot Center. Hmm, maybe I can cash in a trip to a Galaxy game as part of celebrations. Hmmm... I better start plotting. lol.

Okay, well, I think that's all I can say for today. I have a BUSY day tomorrow followed by a ridiculously busy week (I won't get rest until next Sunday) so I should rest as much as humanly possible. If y'all don't get a long blog from me in a week, you'll know why. I'll also be traveling all day on Tuesday (possibly over 12 hours) so if y'all don't even get a post that day, that is why. Just letting y'all know because some of my friends (who read this as a way of keep tabs on me) tend to worry when I am M.I.A. :D I love you guys! :D

Alright, well, as always... thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Dizziness, Sin or No Sin?, Britt Nicole; Let the Writing Begin!

For anyone who's ever gotten new glasses, you know how terrible the first couple of days are. I've worn glasses for a few years now but every time I get a new prescription, I always feel drunk for about 3 days. Oh, and I'm assuming this is how you'd feel if you were drunk. I've technically only had a sip of wine twice at Mass (you know, the blood of Christ) but that's as far as my experience with alcohol goes. lol. Anyway, oy... it stinks. Hopefully I won't be too dizzy tomorrow for Mass.

No, I would still go if I were dizzy. Hopefully I make it through the entire hour without getting sick. *crosses fingers* I believe a prayer to St. Jude will be said tonight in hopes that tomorrow morning I will be good for Mass. :D I was going to go to confessions today but then I thought about whether or not last Sunday is still considered a sin. I mean, I had every intention of attending mass and I did make it for about 2 minutes before I got sick. Is it still a sin that I didn't get to attend the entire thing? Hmm... that is something to ask one of the priests tomorrow. Another reason why no confessions today... the car is being repaired as I type this out (I would normally be at church at this time). Oh well, in the meantime, I will be listening to Britt Nicole's debut album.

Last summer, while browsing iTunes, I discovered this young lady's album which is awesome! It's not really the type of music I'd normally listen to (I'm a jazz/classical girl) but I can't help but love her album. She's a Christian artist so you can hear her talking about God in the lyrics but it's not overwhelming. That's the thing about Christian music. First off, I am not going to knock it. I do like some Christian artists but I tend to stay away from the genre in general because sometimes I'm a little overwhelmed with the music. If I listen to religious music, I stick to things like Andrea Bocelli's "Ave Maria" or Gregorian Chants. That's my thing. Anyway, back to Britt Nicole... I think her demographic might be a bit younger than I am (oh man, I just made myself feel old; I'm 22 for Pete's sake! lol) but I still connect with the lyrics. There is one particular song, "Ready", that I listened to for the first time in a couple of weeks and it really hit home. I've been in the process of letting go of all the negative experiences I had with former friends -- a lot of them extremely painful. This song is pretty much my anthem is at the moment because it describes how I feel. I'm going to put a youtube video a fan made with the lyrics to her song:



See? not my type of music but still awesome nonetheless. I just got the urge to yell "Girl Power!"... which I haven't done since I was about 11 years old and was on a Spice Girls kick. lol. Seriously, though, if you're into this kind of music, definitely check out her album. She has a great voice, sings songs that actually mean something (and aren't some bubblegum pop manufactured stinkers) and she seems like a down-to-earth person. :)

Alright, well Britt's album (along with Becoming Jane, which put my gears in motion) have been inspiring me to get to work on my novel so that is precisely what I will do until I have to eat dinner. Until next time, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Valentine's Day: Love, Romance, and Contradictions.

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone. I usually refer to this day as "don't fall for the commercial/materialistic part of this holiday" day because that is what it's become. It is no longer about St. Valentine or anything like that. It's awful that there is so much pressure on people to buy their significant others expensive gifts on this particular day. For me, I've never needed a day like today to express the love I feel, and not just for my significant other. Since coming out of my late teens (those horrible, horrible teen years... *shudders*), I've focused this day on my family and friends. This year, I added God, Jesus and the Virgin Mary into that equation. Honestly, Valentine's Day is no longer a day where only the romantic relationships are spotlighted... or, at least, not for me. Spending it doing whatever with my friends (Spa Day with the girls or lunch with the guys) or watching a chick flick with my mom. I hope that no one thinks I'm bashing romance and love between a boyfriend/girlfriend or anything like that. Not at all! I'm just saying, people should really focus on the love for the other people in their lives on this day.

It's sort of weird for me to say all of that because I'm somewhat of a hopeless romantic. I'm a sucker for movies with happy endings. I root for the underdog to get the girl in the end. Most of my music (especially in the jazz and jazz vocal genre) is about romance. When it comes to films, movies, songs, etc... I'm all for the romance and just letting my imagination wander off and I get swept away but it stops there. I definitely do think about all that gushy stuff but I'm still realistic when it comes to my own love life. I've learned to separate fantasy from reality. I'm just a little ball of contradictions, aren't I? lol. I could get deeper into this subject but I like to keep that part of my life as private as possible.

I will say, however, that I've officially outlasted all the female members in my family in the marriage/baby department. I was chatting with my mom earlier today and we realized that I'm the only woman in the family who's made it past the age of 19 without getting married or having a baby. YES! I have also outlasted my brothers as well since I am a few weeks away from my 23rd birthday and once I reach 23 I've done it. I'm actually very proud of that fact. :D Everyone always thought I'd marry young (well, younger) because I was always a romantic at heart, but the older I get, the longer I want to wait. There have been offers but I've declined. I'm in absolutely no rush. :) If, however, I do meet the person I will eventually marry at a young age (and by that I mean before my late 20s) than I will. Right now, I have no plan on settling down until after I've finished my Master's degree and have my career done but that could all change. I have absolutely no control over the future. If I end up getting married before that, then, it was meant to happen. Either way, I will always be happy that I've outlasted everyone (my parents included). :D *does cartwheel to celebrate* :P

Oh, yeah... and last night I had a dream I was dating the R&B singer Chris Brown. SO RANDOM! I don't even listen to his music, I don't know anything about him and I only know his name because I've heard a couple of people talking about him (and he was a presenter at the Grammys last weekend). *shrugs* I also talked to a priest in my dream, defended Eldar Djangirov -- whom I met in the dream -- because I felt he was ROBBED at the Grammys (that stems from my real life reaction; his "Re-imagination" album was brilliant!) and I was also at my mailbox waiting for mail. Crazy dream! lol. I'm used to it, though.

I will not make my blog longer tonight because I am exhausted. That is also why I didn't write one yesterday. I've been sleeping for less than 6 hours every day (4 yesterday) for the past couple of days and I am so tired. Can a girl get a break around here? lol. I am actually planning on going to sleep in a few minutes, despite it being only 8 p.m. I've been sleepy all day and if I don't get my sleep on anytime soon, it will not be pretty. lol.

Alright, well, I hope everyone had a lovely Valentine's Day... even if you don't shate the same sentiments as I do towards the holiday. :D Thanks for reading and God Bless.