Proud to be Catholic When No One Else Speaks Up.

I got back from my British Literature class a little while ago. We're starting to dive into some of the stories that are part of the Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer (I can already imagine some of you rolling your eyes, lol). Well, before we really dove into it the general prologue, she asked how many of us were Roman Catholics. Take a wild guess at who was the only one who raised their hand without hesitation. Yup, I was the only one. I spoke up too. I said "I'm Roman Catholic... and I'm proud!" I even pumped my fist up in the air for emphasis. lol. No one else spoke up. Well, no, the guy who sits next to me said he was born Catholic but I guess is a lapsed Catholic. If any of you read one of the last entries in August about when I was in the History of Religions class, the first day back, you'll remember I was the only one who spoke up and said "I'm Roman Catholic." (Side note: I also did the Sign of the Cross with my Rosary and kissed the Crucifix on it, out in the open, right before I entered the classroom).

All of that got me thinking... why are some young Catholics either ashamed of being Catholic or why do they just not acknowledge it? I know, personally, I used to hesitate to say that I was Catholic because of negative connotations that word has, especially in today's society. I just didn't want to deal with all the "stupid questions" (this is my mind frame at the time; I was away from the Church at this time) people wanted to ask so I just said I was Catholic and just stayed quiet. Now, since I no longer care what other people think and because I'm a stronger (spiritually) Catholic, I speak up. I acknowledge that I'm Catholic, and I always say that I'm proud because I am.

It makes me sad that I used to be one of those people who were silently Catholic amongst the masses. It makes me even sadder that there are still A LOT of young people who are that way. It's like you're denying the Lord, in a sense, because you're afraid to speak up and say that you believe in Him. Guess what... no one's gonna make you feel like crumbs if you speak up. No one's made me feel bad about being Catholic. Maybe it's because I live in such a diverse city (Los Angeles) and thus everyone's a little more open-minded. Maybe it's because people are much nicer than others believe. Or maybe I've just been lucky. I don't know. All I know is that it's not going to hurt to speak up once in a while. On the contrary, it'll make you feel spiritually stronger and you can bet you'll earn points with God because it's showing your love for Him and for your faith. :D

I believe that's all I'm going to write for now... and quite possibly for a few days. I'm still getting over my cold so my nauseousness is still present. Yuck. I'm also a week behind schedule so I'm going to play catch up (especially with my British Lit and Oceanography classes). Hope everyone is having a good week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D
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Cold, You are NO Friend of Mine; Dreams: End of the World (Again).

I think I have my first actual cold (not just cold-like symptoms) in nearly 3 years. Yes, you read that correctly. The last time I had a full blown cold/flu was in November 2005. You see? I'm pretty healthy, except for my anxiety. :D This blog won't be too long because I want to get back into bed soon. Hopefully my anxiety won't get worse. Prayer to St. Dymphna will definitely be said today! Mister Cold, you are definitely NO friend of mine! I missed my British Lit class yesterday... and my paper was due! UGH! But, trust me, I spent most of the day in bed because I felt like passing out. I only went to the hospital to get the heart monitor taken off. Hey, maybe the whole episode on Sunday was just a warning that a cold was on it's way. Ah!

I had yet ANOTHER end of the world dream. It's been quite a while since I've written about my dreams, eh? I've only had one dream about what happened after the world ended (which I wrote about a few months ago). Most of my dreams that are about the end of the world never get beyond what's happening as the world is ending. Only that one in April has been about what happened afterward -- walking through Purgatory and all of that with my parents and maternal grandmother. Last night's dream was typical except that it went a little further than usual.

In the dream, we looked up to the sky -- the sun was setting behind us and we could see the sky getting darker and all the stars shining like little diamonds in the sky. Then I saw three bomb explosions happening right next to each other in the sky. The explosions were very golden but think of the color of 10 karat gold. That light golden color. Then I saw something silver/metallic coming down from the sky and the earth began to shake violently. I remember going to grab the Our Lady of Guadalupe framed picture that's up on my way and then grabbing the St. Jude statues (kind of like what I do in real life when there's an earthquake) and hold them close to me. I remember seeing a life sized crucifix, with Jesus nailed to the cross. I remember it getting nearer and nearer but then I woke up. Yeah. It's been quite a while since I've had any dreams like that.

Dreams are just weird, man. I haven't told Fr. Leo any of my recent dreams but I know he's interested in them. As Fr. James once told me, my dreams are better than movies. lol. He's absolutely right. :D Hopefully I'll be able to chat with him once my cold goes away. I need to talk to him anyway, see if he can help me with something. :D

Alright, well, I need to get back to bed and drink plenty of fluids. I want this cold out of me as soon as possible. One positive thing about this cold, I have more time for prayer and for movies about saints! WHOO! lol. Hey, when I get sick, I find more time to devote myself to the Lord and prayer so I see it as a blessing... despite the gross feelings. :D

I hope everyone's doing well. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.
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Heart Monitor; Religion in Beowulf and Literature; Novel Playlist.

As I type this out, I am on hour 2 of wearing a 24-hour heart monitor. They want to make sure the palpitations I've been having, as well as the shortness of breath, is due to my stress and anxiety levels and not my heart. I already had an echo-cardiogram done last *thinks* November and my heart is completely healthy but they want to rule everything out. I would've been very nervous a few months ago but, with all the tests they've done for various things, I'm used to it. The only thing is that this little monitor is a pain in the tush. lol. It hangs around my neck and it weighs me down a bit... not to mention all the electric wires taped on me. It's also annoying because I can't sit or do many normal movements. I feel stiff, ick. But it's all for the best (and only a little under 22 more hours, WHOO!) so I'll suck it up. lol.

Of course, the day that I had this thing put on is the day I had problems with an academic counselor and the financial aid office. Hey, it's not my fault they don't know what they're doing. To try to put the blame on me for things they messed up IS messed up. As I said a few entries ago, I knew I would have problems with the financial aid department but I never thought they'd make me shed tears. I'm a sensitive person so the way I got treated (honestly, I felt an inch tall -- and I have NO FAULT in the matter) just opened the water works. Can I start my transfer applications yet? lol. (ed.: I have to wait until next month to begin those.)

I am going to try to finish this blog so I can work on my critical analysis of Beowulf that is due tomorrow morning. I chose to dissect it from a religious prospective (makes sense, as a Religious Studies major, right?). I never noticed how many religious symbols were in Literature. I honestly didn't notice it until my Brit Lit professor pointed it out. Just looking at Beowulf, he (Beowulf) represents all that is good and holy, Grendel symbolizes all that is evil, and the materialism can be seen as avarice (greed) which is a sin. It's all really interesting. If anyone is (or will, in the future) do anything like this for a Lit class, please feel free to ask me questions or compare notes. I have a pretty good idea of what I want to write and which examples I'll be using, I just have to finish Beowulf. Hey, haven't I been saying that for the past couple of blogs? lol. Well, I can't help if I am not a big fan of it thus making it harder for me to finish reading it. lol.

Alright, well, before I conclude this blog (wow, that sounded so formal), I want to give you guys something fun. Well, I think it's fun. lol. I decided to upload some songs (and more to come throughout the day) that have either inspired scenes in my novel/screenplay or are mentioned in it (there's quite a lot of music in it). Since I didn't write it in order, the songs are not in order. Just a few clues: it's a dramedy (dramatic comedy), the story is seen from both the male and female protagonists points of view, and it takes place in 3 different countries (the U.S., a British country, and a Spanish-speaking country). The more alternative/rock songs were mainly used when working on the male protagonist; the jazz/swing/pop were mostly for the female protagonist with a few songs used for both or for certain scenes. That's all I'm saying. :D

Oh, and side note: The Donna's "Fall Behind Me" has a word that some of you might be uncomfortable hearing. You may want to skip over it. It's not a bad, bad word; it's another word for "mess" up and it's also the name of something you need a screwdriver to put into place. You've been warned.

The playlist will be on the right hand side so you can always come back and listen to it or see what I've added.

That's it for now. I have a lot of work to do so... as always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Brain Overload; Feeling Blessed and Thankful.

Oy. My brain is overloaded with facts of Hinduism. I'm about 2 days late on my paper about Hinduism, as well. :( Bah! I didn't have the cash, or transportation, to get the book on time thus making me fall behind. Luckily, we have a 2 day grace period so... I am going to get to that as soon as I finish this blog. Between my History of World Religions and British Literature courses, I have very little free time. I am not too stressed about my other courses because they don't make my head and eyes hurt as much (in other words, not as much reading). I will be so happy once we're a quarter into the semester because that's when the professor stop loading us with huge amounts of work. I will also need a massage by the end of this coming weekend because I already have knots in my shoulders and back from all the stress. Okay, I will stop my ranting right about... now. lol.

I went Mass today but left about a bit early because I felt like I was going to pass out (I also left my Oceanography course earlier in the day early for the same reason). Since my father and I weren't seated together (long story), he didn't see when I slipped out. I had to wait out by the car until Mass was done... but what I received during that time made up for my missing Mass (well, at least the bummed out feeling of not making it through the Mass) was fantastic. A young girl came up to me (while I was dabbing my forehead with a cold paper towel I got from the bathroom) and asked to borrow my cell phone. She then started up a conversation in which she was very open about her life with me. I've never encountered someone who was that trusting with a stranger. Even though she's a decade younger than I am (wow, that make me feel old, lol), she's lived so much more than I have. She has a child and has gone through heck and back. As she was telling me all these things, I felt very sad for her but personally very blessed at the same time. She asked me questions like whether I had a boyfriend or had kids, whether I was in school, and whether I was saving myself for marriage (though she used more colorful words). I was VERY shocked she would ask me such personal questions but I felt like I had to be very honest with her. I usually just say "I'm sorry but it's none of your business" but I answered all her questions. I think she was very surprised by my answers, especially when I told her I was 23 and not 15 years-old like she thought I was. (Side note: Yes, I'm often mistaken for a teenager. I look anywhere from 15-19 according to people.) I was shocked when she started using the foul language she used. Every other word was the f-bomb. This was on a bench outside of church, too. I kept thinking "How can someone be so disrespectful at church?" Granted, we weren't inside but we were still a couple of feet away. Talking to her and hearing her words, I mean really hearing her, made me very so blessed and thankful for the life I've had.

Even though I've had really sad things happen, I've been able to stay on a pretty good path. Even during my time away from the Church, I didn't go crazy. I never really went through a stage of teenage rebellion. I did sort of have a mini one when I was 18-19 but it was in the form of getting home a few minutes (like 10 minutes) later than I said I would be (coming home from a concert). That's not exactly rebellion, is it? lol. I never did anything anyone else was doing in my circle of "friends". That was my rebellion; not doing something because everyone was doing it. Though I did have some slip-ups, like lying and swearing (I call that the "Lost" part of my youth; all around the time I was away from the Church), I never got to the point of doing huge self-destructive things. I think God blessed me with enough common sense to not do those things. There have been a number of times where I could have easily strayed and done things I would've greatly regretted. Thankfully, I've always known how or when to get myself out of those situations. Once, I sent my friend an S.O.S. text, he called me and got me out of the situation and I'm forever grateful for it.

So, during my chat with the young woman, I thought about all I've gone through and I was so thankful to God for everything. I honestly feel so blessed to have had the experiences I've had (both good and bad) because they've gotten me to where I am in life. Though I have sinned (but, really, who hasn't?), I've confessed those sins and I've made a great effort to stay on the right path. And I owe it all to my faith and to God. Without my faith, prayer, and everything else I would be completely depressed and probably still sick from all the negative thoughts and feelings. If I didn't have the Rosary or my own little journal thing I keep to Our Lady (Blessed Mother), I would've been nutty (well, nuttier, lol).

Isn't it amazing how I got all of this from church though not through Mass? Of course, I would've stayed for the entire Mass if I hadn't felt lightheaded and faint like I did. And, of course, I would've learned a lot for today's readings. I think that this whole thing happened for a reason -- me leaving a few minutes early and chatting to the girl. It certainly made me appreciate everything, especially my parents. :D

Alright, well I think I've taken enough of your time for today. :D I have got to get back to cramming more Hinduism facts into my brain (so many deities in that religion...) so I can finish that paper.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Becoming Jane = Writer's Block Unblocked; Weird Dreams.

I just finished watching "Becoming Jane" on DVD. Netflix was kind enough to send it to me the day it was available (today) so I could indulge myself in a little "me time" for 2 hours. I hadn't seen it when it was out at the cinema so I was waiting for it to come out on DVD. Final verdict of the film? Loved it. I give it 2 thumbs up. I loved the acting, the scenery was beautiful, the story was well written and, for my fellow Jane Austin lovers, it did Jane justice. I love her works; grew up reading them. I remember when I was about 11 years old I read a lot of British literature... particularly the works of Jane Austin and the Bronte sisters. Yes, I was a mini-bibliophile even at that age. :D It's been years since I last read of the books (we didn't focus on them when I took English (British) Literature courses) but this movie has made me want to return to "my roots" and read them over again. Don't you just love that? That you are inspired to return to one of your first loves (literature was one of mine) because of a film? Maybe I'm the only one who feels that way. I wouldn't be surprised if I was. lol.

One thing that the film also inspired me to do... get back to my writing! Procrastination and Writer's Block, I am giving you both your packing orders. Vamoose! lol. I finally know in what sequences I will try the books (something I was struggling with). I am so read to start writing like a mad woman but, sadly, I will have to start in the morning because I have a date with TCM. They are airing "Brief Encounter" around 1 - 2 a.m. and I fully intend on staying up to watch it. It's one of my favorite films (beautifully acted) so any chance I have to watch it, I will take. :D I do have about an hour or two before the film starts but, knowing myself, I will miss it because I will get so enthralled in my writing. Once I start writing (or reading) it takes a lot for me to stop. If anyone ever wondered why I ever considered majoring in British Literature or Creative Writing, and why I almost applied to Oxford to study it there... well, hopefully you now know why. :D

I am certainly not lacking imagination, that's for sure. The dreams I've had lately have been a testament to that. For the past 2 nights, I've had pretty apocalyptic dreams... and both have featured St. Teresa of Avila and St. Therese in some way. I don't really remember yesterday's dream, all I remember is that I woke up pretty wigged out and when I brought my hand and arm from under my pillow, a holy card of St. Teresa of Avila in my hand. Wait... no... I take that back. I DO remember what the dream was about. It's all coming back to me. I remember I looked outside and saw these strange things in the sky... almost like the planets and stars have come down and where close enough to be seen without a telescope. There was something very eerie about it though. I also remember a ton of vultures all around the roof of my house... and that I knew the world would end. Then I saw that the entire building structure of my house was being engulfed in flames... yet it somehow didn't get to my room or the living room. I very felt the warmth from the fire and I remember running around, trying to get important documents (birth certificates, legal documents, etc) out of the house. I also remember everything being very white -- the walls, clothing, etc. I wouldn't allow my parents inside either... I told them to get in the car because we had to get out of there. I said something along the lines of "Our Lady was right... that apparition was true! The world is going to end..." then I woke up.

The dream I had last night was equally as dramatic but in a different way. I don't remember how it started but I do remember being in this room with a lot of people... most dressed in black. I remember there was someone who said she was St. Therese of Lisieux but I knew deep down it wasn't; that it was the devil trying to lure people away through the person. The person was harming people, and tried to harm me, but I started pouring Holy Water on the people's heads (they had been possessed). I remembered I even managed to her the Holy Water on the person's head (after some chasing) and turned that person back to good (I faintly remember her clothing turning from black to white). I believe I also put some Holy Water on myself, and prayed a Hail Mary out loud for protection. (Note: This is my second dream in a few days where I am exorcising people.) I do remember that after that something major happened that made me start thinking it was the end of the world but I honestly don't remember that part. I just remember myself waking up and saying "Ave Maria" and having the strongest urge to not be in the room by myself. Crazy dreams, eh?

I don't know what to make of those dreams except that I have an overactive imagination. I know one of you, who knows me very well, will have something to say about my logical explanation but I will just go with that. I can apply the last dream as a sort of sign that maybe I will be able to make a difference with people (through the novel I'm writing and the ones I have planned) and that I will help them not stray from the church. That's what I hope to do... and what I feel is what I am meant to do. Only time will tell though.

Alright, well, I think that's enough dramatics for tonight. I think I will go make myself a little fruit salad before "Brief Encounter" because as soon as the film is over, I'm hitting the hay. Hopefully no more apocalyptic dreams. Seriously, I don't like waking up completely freaked out. :D

Until next time... thanks for reading and God Bless.