Mother's Day, Confessions, Saying the Lord's Name in Vain, and My Poor L.A. Galaxy.

Today (May 10) is Mother's Day for all the Mexican and Latin American mothers so... Feliz dia de las Madres to my mom, my big sister, all mamas in my family (including aunts and cousins), my baptism Godmother, my confirmation Godmother and all the other mamas out there. I will give my communion Godmother a shout-out tomorrow 'cause she's American and we celebrate tomorrow. :D

Man, today was a WEIRD day. I was dizzy and lightheaded most of the day. Basically, I was feeling gross until I went to confessions. I was so proud of myself because Fr. Hoang had given me props for what I did in Mass last Sunday (left while I had anxiety but came back to receive communion) and I felt so awesome after I prayed in front of the tabernacle. I was so commitment to what I was praying to God that I left crying... but happy tears. :D After we left that parish, we went to another one (we were in look of a particular prayer card) and dad bought me a scapular and an emerald bead rosary. I've wanted a rosary in this particular color (since the color for my birth month, May, is emerald) for a long time now and I finally got it. I'm definitely counting it as an early birthday present. I was so psyched that I remembered the big things I needed to confess and then it happened... I said "Oh my God!" Yup... I said the Lord's name in vain. *hits face with palm of hand*

This is one really BAD habit that I've picked up over the years. I've been working really hard to break the habit. It's bad! bad! bad! If there is one thing that will always land me back in confession, it's saying the Lord's name in vain. And, to top it off, I don't do it intentionally. I've heard it so many times everywhere (it might be a Southern California thing), and my mom says it a lot (but she says it isn't taking His name in vain), so it's stuck. I've been really good at trying not to say it -- even unintentionally. See, I can usually catch myself and will immediately change it to "Oh my gosh" or "Oh my..." but sometimes it just slips and I don't even realize it until it's too late. I was good about it last week... made it until Thursday when I got a letter that made me temporarily freak out (in a good way). Tonight, it happened when I was getting food. I accidentally spilled and went "Oh my Go..d" I realized as I was finishing the "d" what I'd just said. UGH! And then I got upset over saying that that I went to my room going "I'm stupid! Stupid! Stupid! *sighs* God!" Again, that was so not intentionally! I would NEVER intentionally say it. I would've totally kicked myself if I could. I HATE doing that! I really have to watch what I say because I know it's a mortal sin to say His name in vain. Trust me, if there's one thing I hate more than anything it's a) offending Him and b) having a sin (no matter how small) hanging over my head until the next time confessions roll around. Okay, maybe those are two things but you get what I mean, Though I know I didn't intentionally plan to say His name in vain, I know it's bad. :( *sigh* I'm so angry at myself for letting His name slip. I really am dumb. Ugh! I will try to see if I can make a confession before Mass so I can receive communion. I hate not being able to receive it. :(

I think I was still mad over the whole L.A. Galaxy v New York Red Bulls game. What a GRRR game. lol. To be fair, Galaxy had a better first half than second half but man, oh, man... that darn ref just made me list! He gave yellow cards to Galaxy players over the smallest things (and even gave Becks one that was COMPLETELY random and uncalled for) and when NY would commit fouls and other yellow card worthy things, NADA. Grrr. What's his name... I'm going to check... *2 minutes later* "referee: Alex Prus". Mr Prus, you just made my list... and you don't want to be on my list. lol. If any of you lovely readers know who Rob Styles is... he's WORSE than Rob Styles. Even the commentators were saying how Alex Prus was giving New York chances and that he was being unfair to the Galaxy. Ugh. Mr. Prus, you disgust me! Go back to referee school or something. Okay, rant over. lol. I REALLY wanted to go to tonight's game because they had Brit Week at the Home Depot Center (Galaxy stadium). Oh man, I would've loved to have gone but a) I felt really weak all day and b) I have things to do at home. Blah. Hopefully I'll be able to go do a Galaxy game this season, before I pack my things and move to my new school. I really, really, really want an Alan Gordon jersey (I LOVE him) so I'm hoping to get one if I ever make it to the Home Depot Center. Hmm, maybe I can cash in a trip to a Galaxy game as part of celebrations. Hmmm... I better start plotting. lol.

Okay, well, I think that's all I can say for today. I have a BUSY day tomorrow followed by a ridiculously busy week (I won't get rest until next Sunday) so I should rest as much as humanly possible. If y'all don't get a long blog from me in a week, you'll know why. I'll also be traveling all day on Tuesday (possibly over 12 hours) so if y'all don't even get a post that day, that is why. Just letting y'all know because some of my friends (who read this as a way of keep tabs on me) tend to worry when I am M.I.A. :D I love you guys! :D

Alright, well, as always... thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Soccer (!!!), and Anxiety in Mass and in General, Lost Medal, and Prince Caspian.

I've had 3 really good games in the past 20-some odd hours. The U.S. Women vs Australia was AWESOME... and I dare say the best of the 3 games I watched. :D The U.S. Women's team never fails to impress me. It's one of the most consistent teams that I root for. It's a shame that there is virtually no coverage or advertisement for them. I understand that soccer, and basically all other sports, are viewed as male sports but they should really take notice at how awesome the women teams are. Some of the women national teams are WAY BETTER than the male ones. Women teams like the U.S., Germany, and Brazil are right there, if not better, than their male counterparts. It's just a shame that they get no coverage. I sound like a broken record, eh? Well, it's true. Anyway, I LOVED the game we played against Australia. The second half was not that great for us (we were 3-1 at half time) because of mistakes but we still manage to beat 'em. :D They're playing again in a few days but I doubt I'll get to see it because they rarely air the games.

Every time I see the women play, I get the urge to play as well. It makes me sad to think that I could've played throughout high school and eventually college if I hadn't switched to a charter school. I was quite athletic when I was younger. I played soccer, basketball, ran track and field, etc. You name it, I probably played it. I loved soccer probably the best. I always have. I've played as a goalkeeper, midfielder, and but mostly as a forward -- which was my position up until I stopped. So sad. I had problems with my right (I think) foot so I had to stop doing that and running track. So sad. :'( I might start playing again at my new school -- even though it's just for fun. Anyway, all power to the U.S. Women's for kicking tush and taking names! :D P.S. Brazil's Marta is a POWERHOUSE! I would've loved to have her play for the U.S. and be a striking partner for Abby Wambach. That would've been insane -- in a good way! But, alas, she was born in Brazil and not the U.S. Le sigh. lol.

The other two games I had a pleasure of enjoying: the L.A. Galaxy at Real Salt Lake (it was a tie) and Liverpool v Manchester City (last game at Anfield this season). Galaxy game was GOOD! Don't let the 2-2 score fool you, it was an awesome game. The only beef I have with the game was when that one dude from RSL pushed Alan Gordon into the barricades... and then Gordon pushed him back and got in his face. I honestly thought fists were going to be a-swingin' but, thankfully, they didn't and all they got were yellow cards. We need Gordon (the partnership between Becks and Landon is already awesome but Gordon brings more to it!) and a red card would've stunk. As for the Liverpool game this morning... eh. lol. It was a good game but I was maybe expecting more. Maybe it's because I was spoiled with awesome games yesterday. *shrugs* Either way, Torres' goal was great (per usual) and I got to see Nery Castillo play for Man City. I didn't get to watch the entire game because I had to leave for Mass.

Oy... Mass with my anxiety is a nightmare sometimes. Not to say that Mass is a nightmare! OH NO! Mass is one of the most wonderful things you can possibly do/attend on a regular basis. When you have anxiety, like I do, and it strikes when you least expect it - then it because a nightmare. The past couple of weeks, I've had no anxiety when attending Mass. Today, I made it through about 35-40 minutes before I really couldn't take it (I was lightheaded and I felt VERY faint). I left for a few minutes but hung around the side to see when they were giving communion so I could go and receive it. So, when the time came to get in line, I got in line and received the Eucharist. I've been told that when my anxiety gets as bad as it did today, so leave for a few minutes and try to received communion when the time comes. I wasn't too happy that I didn't make it through the entire Mass today but I'm grateful that I even went and that I, at least, stuck it for as long as I could. I actually lasted a good 20 minutes after my anxiety started getting bad... which is a record for me. (Oh, and the reason why I didn't attend Mass on May 1st -- which was a day of obligation -- was because of my anxiety).

These past couple of days have been just horrible, in terms of the anxiety felt, for me. I've had way too much unwarranted drama going on with a former friend, on top of all these other things I've been dealing with, so that just didn't help. I think that that is one of the main causes for why my anxiety has been so out of control lately. Prior to all the problems I had with this former friend, if I had anxiety it was the kind that I could control and it wasn't that bad. But since I've had problems with this former friend, the anxiety's been just horrific. I've been stuck (on and off) in bed for a few days (hence lack of updates) because the anxiety can be very debilitating. I think I scared my sister a few days ago when we were chatting online because I felt like I was going to just straight up pass out there and then. I'm not blaming this former friend for all my anxiety, I will take part of the blame... I probably shouldn't have been as blunt and straightforward as I was with him (I tend to forgive and forget... up to a point, that is), but the situation just didn't help matters. I also think that the reason why my anxiety's been worse than before was because I hadn't had drama of this kind in a long time and this just came out of the blue. I honestly believe that my body is reacting to this anxiety all weird because I haven't been used to it, nor did I know how to handle this particular situation. Thankfully, I am not freaking out as badly as I would've a few months ago, but still... it sucks. I totally don't like feeling this lightheaded/fatigued/horrible feeling. Ugh. I guess I should be thankful that I understand why these things are happening. I am incredibly blessed to have the love and support of my parents (especially my mama) and my friends to get through these made times. Trust me, I've beat myself up over what happened (because I always feel like everything is my fault, even when it isn't) and they are there so stop me and tell me that what I did wasn't wrong and that I dealt with it as diplomatically as I could under the circumstances. All I have to say about this whole situation is God Bless him. I have absolutely no ill feelings towards him. Life's too short and precious to dwell on the negative.

St. Dymphna, please help me control this anxiety which has taken a hold of me.

Oh, and one really sad thing that happened yesterday at confessions -- I LOST MY MIRACULOUS MEDAL!!! :( It was my source of comfort (I used to take it out and hold it in my hand when I had anxiety) but I no longer have it. :'( I will have to get a new one, get it blessed by a priest again and make sure I don't lose it again. Ironically, I lost it at the same parish I found it (I did actually find it). It's kind of funny that it happened. Perhaps I found it when I needed it the most and lost it when someone else needed it the most. I hope that it brings the comfort it brought me, to whomever found it. :D

And, to not end this blog on a downer, what's happening in about 3 and then 12 more days?! PRINCE CASPIAN PREMIERE! OH YEAH! lol. I'm a huge Narnia fan so I'm so excited to see the latest installment of the series. I'm actually, God willing and if my anxiety is ok, attending a premiere party for the film with a good friend of mine. *singing* I'm excited! I'm excited! I can't wait to see how much the kids have grown as actors. :D I have the urge to squeal like a schoolgirl but I won't. lol.

Alright, well, I have things to do before my anxiety strikes back (it's in control at the moment) so I shall go do that. Thanks for reading, and God Bless. :D
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Go Galaxy!, Hot Weather, and Mortal Sin?!

I just watched one of the best L.A. Galaxy games I've seen. It was SO thrilling up until the last second. Thank goodness Galaxy won! They beat Chivas USA 5-2 after being neck-in-neck for about 3/4 of the game. Landon Donovan scores a hat trick and my man Alan Gordon (LOVE him) scored two when he came on as a sub... and almost scored a third. GREAT game! Since both teams are from L.A. they rivalry was intense but in a good way. I'm a Galaxy girl and was before Becks was signed so I didn't jump on the bandwagon. I've been rooting for them since they began, mainly because it's the home team but later on because I became a fan of the players. Needless to say, dad and I (who are fans of Becks and Donovan) are happy campers. AND since Gordon scored two goals, I'm even happier! :D

One thing that didn't make me happy today... the weather. My goodness! It was 94 degrees at around 3 p.m. I was glad that by the time confessions rolled around, it was cooling down. Granted, I live about 2-3 minutes (by car) from the parish but still the weather is horrid. When we were watching the Galaxy v Chivas USA match, the commentators mentioned that it was still very warm in that part of the city... and you could tell by all the water breaks the players had. Oh, and the game started at 7:30 p.m. so you can just imagine. It's currently 10:25 p.m. and we still have the air conditioning on. Oy! I am definitely going to Mass as early as I can tomorrow because it's supposed to get even hotter tomorrow. It'll be close to 100 degrees. Ugh. I cannot wait 'til future husband and I move away from this hot weather... if I can persuade him. lol.

Okay, so I wrote the title (as I usually do) before I wrote the entry so the last part doesn't quite fit... but I am keeping it for future reference. I was unsure if something I'd done was considered a mortal sin. See, I said something along the lines of "My Holy God... these guys..." (actually I said it in Spanish, "Dios Mio Santo con estos muchachos...") without thinking. It happened during the Galaxy game. I got so wrapped up in it that I didn't realize I'd said His name in vain until after I'd said it. I was really good about not saying His name but I just got caught up in the game and it happened. Since I didn't intentionally say it, I was told that it wasn't a mortal sin... especially since I'm sorry I said it. Trust me, I'm ALWAYS sorry when I say His name in vain... and 99.9% of the time I say it without thinking and it takes me a second or two to realize what I'd just said. *palmface* Well, since I was told that it isn't a mortal sin (because I didn't say it intentionally), I guess I can receive communion tomorrow. Thank goodness! If anyone who reads this knows otherwise, please let me know. I don't like committing mortal sins. No, I take that back. I don't like committing sins, period! Not even venial ones!

Alright, well, super early day tomorrow so I should get to bed like now. lol. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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