Back to the Scene of the Crime; CINO College Return

No, I did not commit an actual crime... but I did return to my alma mater. (insert smirk)

Before I go on, I'm going to point you new folks to the following blog posts from my time at that school because, well, I had a very interesting time at this school. A "traddie" leaning Catholic at a liberal "Catholic" college? Read for yourselves:
- First Impressions
- Back To School Week From Heck
- CINO (Catholic in Name Only) and Double Majors -- the most popular blog post for many years
- I'm Undercover at the CINO...
- The Lone Ranger Plus One
- It's Finally Happened...
- Quick Question... (CINO College Related)
- Ooh, My CINO College is in Trouble...
- Profs Don't Like Me But Like Abortion
- Well, I'm Not Stopping...
- Emmy, Defender of the Pope and Priests? 
- Lecture Notes from My CINO College Alma Mater

I attended my CINO college alma mater from 2010 to 2012, graduating in May 2012. The last time I was on campus (May 5, 2012) was for the Baccalaureate Mass since it's a "Catholic" (yep, still using those quotation marks) school. I said "I'm free! I'm never coming back here! Peace out, suckers!" Yeeeah. 4 years, 4 months, and 12 days later I set foot on campus once again and I've been there twice in the past week.

Prior to the beginning of this semester I couldn't find proctor that didn't charge an arm and a leg to get my exams proctored. Since I'm attending Utah State as a distance education/online student, I need to get all my exams (except, obviously, those that are open book) proctored. I didn't have that issue during my brief stint at JP Catholic because they trusted us to be truthful and not cheat during our exams but USU is a little more... cautious. I spent a couple of days emailing and/or waiting for responses from local schools about my exams. Only one said they were able to do it (and for free since I'm an alumna) -- my CINO college alma mater.

I was a little nervous about returning because of how I left; I was not liked when I was at that school. I shed a lot of tears and I was made to feel like a religious freak weirdo person because I wasn't a "liberal" like them. I still remember the looks I got when I veiled at the Red Mass my first year there; I was openly "traddie" and it was odd for them. I'm pretty sure at least one staff member/professor has read this blog at some point to make sure I wasn't outing them by name. (side note: for the record, I've never publicly named it for legal matters; they like to sue people.) I wasn't sure if I was going to see any of my former professors (who, I believe, are still working there) so it was going to be interesting for me. So far I haven't seen any professors but I still have 7 more months of exams that are getting proctored so there's always a chance I might.

The weird thing about my return was how at peace and at home I felt. No, really. It may because I've always felt at peace on campus (outside of the classroom, of course); being so close to the school chapel and spending so much time in there by myself when I was a student probably helped. Being surrounded by the beauty of nature, seeing so many beautiful statues... remembering what I went through, I loved it. I genuinely loved the couple of hours I was on campus this and last week. I even thought "well... this is always an option to get an Education MS with an emphasis on speech impaired and deaf students." (side note #2: yes, they offer the degree with that emphasis and it would go along with the current degree I'm working towards.) And, if that wasn't enough, it made me feel the way I felt when I was at that school: so in love with the Church and the faith that I couldn't (and still can't, to be honest) see myself doing anything else. It was like the return to campus rekindled the fire to learn as much as I could about the faith to teach younger generations the beauty and truth of the Church.

You know that horrible spiritual dryness I endured for weeks during this (late) summer? It's like it never happened. I was slowly coming out of it but my return to that school erased whatever remained of it. In fact, I was -- dare I say -- joyful. I was so happy; smiling and laughing and being a lot more charitable than I've felt in recent weeks. I haven't felt so at peace with everything for a long, long time. Passing 2 of my 3 exams (I failed one) and not having much time to study for the exams hasn't dampered my spirits. I even said to myself -- while I had a private, prayerful moment, on campus, prior to the exams -- that if I didn't pass my courses well enough to finish the degree, I would return to get my Theology MA. I was happy and at peace with that thought, too. For the record, I'm not saying I'm jumping ship on this degree or returning to JP Catholic but I'm open to whatever God has in store for me. If it's His will that I don't finish this degree for whatever reason or if He wants me to do something else, I'm totally onboard.

The point to this blog post is to say that I'm really glad I returned to my alma mater because it's helped me find myself and renew that faith once again... at the "Catholic" college where there are female (occasionally nun) professors who drag priests and Pope (Emeritus) Benedict XVI through the mud... and say it's okay for us to say that God is a woman. It's weird, right? Yep, keep surprising me, God. Now that I've quit making long-term plans, I can't wait to see what He has in store for me next. I have a feeling I'll get a lot more clarity as I continue to spend time on campus before and after exams.

Anyway, I want to rest my eyes and mind from all the non-stop studying and screen time so I'm going to go try to finish My Beloved: The Story of a Catholic Nun by Mother Catherine Thomas. Shout out to the Los Angeles Public Library for having a copy for me to read! (Shameless plug, you can also check out my author profile at Goodreads  -- if you haven't already -- while you're on the Goodreads website.)

I hope y'all are having a lovely start of the week!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

What I Learned Wednesday #34: Millennial "Trad Fad"

I know, I know. It's been a couple of week since I've written one of these WILW posts but most of my Wednesdays have been occupied with studying for exams so I haven't had the chance to write. Since this is my first free Wednesday in weeks (how did that happen?!), I thought I'd spent it writing about something that has irked me lately. I usually break these things up into three parts but I'm only focusing on this one topic this week.

Have you heard of the Millennial "Trad Fad"? You know, the trend in which Millennials immerse themselves in the world of Latin Masses, mantillas/chapel veils, and other pre-Vatican II things. Golly, we Millennials are such hipsters. (side note: don't let the article title fool you; it doesn't actually say that we're hipsters.) I'm kind of hoping that Pope Francis' comments were misunderstood and that he doesn't really think that this is a fad... but I've heard that he's not a big of Latin Masses so I don't know.

I've never shied away from the fact that I really, really miss Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI for several reasons, including the fact that (thanks to him) we've had Summorum Pontificum for 7 years now. Are the alleged quotes from Pope Francis legit? I don't know... but I would be disappointed if they were. For someone who is so welcoming of others and their differences, the quotes made me cringe a little.

I can't speak for others on why they prefer "traditional" Catholicism but I can tell you that many of my fellow Millennials who do have a preference to Latin Masses, chapel veils, incense (aka "smells and bells"), Gregorian chant, etc. don't do it for the fad/trend of it. I've never once heard "ooh, not everyone is into this? I need to do this." A good portion of us were poorly catechized and/or we've reverted/converted to the faith and we've come to these things on our own. Nobody did the thinking for us; we learned to appreciate them on our own. Free will, y'all. I personally looked into some - not all - of the changes that came from the Second Vatican Council while I was at that awful CINO college (because they didn't teach these things; they taught that anything pre-Vatican II was outdated and bordered on evil) so I was able to make my own informed decisions based on my preferences.

When I reverted 8 years ago, no one told me there were different types of Masses... but I still knew that I liked my Masses solemn. When I learned about Latin Masses, I knew I'd found the right fit for me. The clappy-clappy/hand-holding thing has never been for me. Even as a child, I felt obligated to hold people's hands when I didn't want to. I just wanted to focus on what the priest was doing/saying. Part of this was because of my introverted temperament and partly because it just didn't feel right for me. I'm not going to knock it if it works for you but I personally just don't like it. I know I'm going to get a lot of flack for this, but I'd appreciate my Masses without a mariachi band or a jazz ensemble. Yes, I endured one *cringe* "jazz Mass" before... and, though I love jazz, it needs to stay far, far away from my Masses. That's just my preference. I like to feel like I'm there to have my time with God, not to feel about all the cringing or be distracted by other things. That's why I love the first Sunday Mass at my parish; my spiritual director and the lovely nuns praying in Latin (with no outside distractions) is such a wonderful way to start my day.

As for chapel veils, I know some of y'all saw the passionate exchange I had with a good friend a couple of weeks ago on Twitter. I won't get into it because there's no reason to but it did inspire me to write about this topic. I veil because I want to. No one is making me do it; no one told me it would make holier... because it doesn't mean squat whether you veil or not if you're not following God's commandments. I made sure I learned the significance of veiling, the custom origin, and it was enough to make me want to do it. Yes, I know -- nerd alert for all the research I've done! Again, no brainwashing; it was a conclusion I arrived to on my own and that I feel most comfortable doing.

I don't veil only when I attend Masses. I also do it when I pray in front of the tabernacle or when alone in a church. I don't always "veil" either. I do keep my head covered but hats and scarves replace veils from time to time. The point is that I cover my head as a symbol of my love and respect for God. It also helps that I always feel like I'm actually there for God; that all sense of pride, arrogance, vanity, all the distractions, etc. get pushed aside. The moment that veil is placed on my head, it literally blocks all earthly distractions from my peripheral view and all I can focus on is on the Mass and/or the tabernacle. Babies -- my biggest Mass distraction -- disappear from view. I am reminded of why I attend Mass and why I believe what I believe.

I do understand that there are people who might be into these things for the wrong reasons. I've heard of "mantilla selfie queens." I haven't actually seen it myself but I've heard that they exist. I've heard of the "holier than thou" crowd. However, they don't represent everyone. Just like a few misguided clergy members (I'm being charitable with my words here) don't represent the entire church, a few "Catholic hipsters" don't represent the rest of us. Give us some credit.

I don't think I really learned anything new this past week other than apparently Millennials who appreciate pre-Vatican II customs are seen as hipsters. At the very least, now y'all sort of know why I do it. Yes, it was a sort of "in a nutshell" explanation but I'll revisit this topic at some point when I don't have too much occupying my mind (aka yes, I have a week off from exams but I'm still trying to keep the info fresh in my mind). :)

That's it for now. I hope y'all are having a great week thus far! If anyone has any prayer intentions, send them my way. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

What I Learned Wednesday #30: I Thought Today Was Thursday Edition

 I

In case you missed it, the guest post I wrote for The Mirror Magazine is now up for y'all to read. If you've ever wondered why I decided to switch careers from freelance writer to speech-language pathologist, definitely read it. If you're wondering "well, what about your Masters in Theology from Franciscan?" It's still in the cards, down the road. As I've said before, my spiritual director made a joke that I don't look old enough to teach Theology (I still look like a teenager) so I'll just do SLP for now. lol.

Lesson learned: It's okay to change careers. It might not be my ideal career but God has better plans for me and I will just have to trust Him.

II

I was watching the documentary Jazz by Ken Burns (which I am not finished with yet) and learned that a (now) monsignor used to play with Duke Ellington, who was himself Catholic. Msgr. John Sanders has a very fascinating story about how his vocation and how he came to it. I haven't had a chance to do more research on his life story but I found an old L.A. Times article online that covers the basics. Read it; it's so good! Anyone have more info on him? Anyone know where he is now? As someone who is a big fan of jazz (and who almost majored in it; I even filled out an application to USC's program before my reversion), I love it when the world of jazz and Catholicism collide.

Lesson learned: Even in the grittiest of circumstances (and life of jazz musicians was (is?) incredibly hard with many temptations), God finds a way to reveal your vocation. Also, sometimes you don't get to begin your vocation until you're over 30. That gives me hope. lol.

III

I saw a link to a post Fr. Z wrote on his blog about how people (who are in need of prayers) are actually talking about how they're waiting for Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI to die. What?! I'm a big Papa Bene fangirl so... this does not compute. I dislike that they've nicknamed him "The Rat"... which is actually something my super liberal former professor (who's a nun) used to call him; "a big Rat with red shoes." I still have the dates on which she called him that; I kept a record of everything. Everything. Anyway, as Fr. Z suggested, please pray for these men and those who have similar trains of thought.

Lesson learned: I don't know if I learned a lesson here but I did learn I need to pray for two more people (who I don't know). I seriously cannot imagine disliking someone so much I want them to die. I can't even imagine disliking someone enough to wish them ill. That's just... yikes. Also, pray for Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI. He may not be our active Pope but he still needs prayers. :)

And that's all for this week. I hope y'all are having a good week thus far... and aren't as scatterbrained as I am. I seriously thought today was Thursday for some reason so I had to rename this blog post. Oops. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

7 Quick Takes Vol. 5

Since I didn't get a chance to do a What I Learned Wednesday Post (though I did prepare; not enough time to write it), you're getting a 7 Quick Takes posts this week.

-- 1 --

As soon as I realized that I had less than a year to catch up on my reading (I have a feeling I won't be doing much non-school related reading in grad school), I started trying to play catch up. I finished North & South by Elizabeth Gaskell this week but I cannot finish Saints in Love by Carole Hallundbaek (which I can't find a link to? Is it out of print?). This was actually the topic of my WILW post this week. I'm going to post it next week because I need to sort of review it and I did learn a lot from it. There are just some things I find unnecessary. I read part of it to my friend Delaney when she came to stay with me for a couple of days earlier this month and she agreed that it was just awkward and there was absolutely no need for it. Let's see if some of you agree next week.

-- 2 -- 

I cannot believe the amount of feedback I received from my The Fear of Not Being Holy; Having a Secular Job post. I not only received a surprising amount of hits from various sources but I received the most comments outside of Blogger (mostly private Twitter messages) ever. It seems that there are several of us 20-somethings that are in the same boat with the similar thoughts and feelings. While I cannot say I'm an expert on the subject and thus cannot give advice, I am always here to hear y'all out. And, for the record, I have reached a decision but I'm going to talk to my spiritual director next week before I go forward.

-- 3 --

You know the freaky saint and good vs evil dreams I usually have (go ahead and search "dreams" on this blog)? I had one a couple of days ago that involved Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, Pope Francis, the Evil One, the Blessed Virgin Mary, a ton of holy water, something burning, and the singing of "Ave Maria." Without going into detail, let's just say that the Evil One was laughing and happy about something and then Mama Mary came and got rid of him. At the end I was holding a candle and singing "Ave Maria." It was kind of trippy and I woke up a little freaked out.

-- 4 -- 

Something I re-learned about myself this week: man, I've always been a crier... and that will never go away. lol. I know that some people view tears as a sign of weakness but I don't. It just reminds me that I care about people in general. That simple. At first I was a puddle due to stress and then I was a puddle because seeing people suffer (or seeing them cry out of sheer joy) makes me cry. I don't even know these people but my heart goes out to them.

-- 5 -- 

I hate how horrible MSM is. I'm glad I took that intro to Journalism class my freshman year of college so I could be better prepared and not to be completely uncharitable. Still, I was so irked by the spinning they did yesterday that I tweeted this in frustration.

Days like today make me want to get my MA in Theology and bop little shoddy-foo foo reporters on the head.
— Emmy Cecilia (@nerdwriter) September 20, 2013

I think that says it all.

-- 6 -- 

The St. Therese of Lisieux novena begins on Sunday. I am grateful for the roses she sent me (blue; yes, I picked a random color) recently because it helped me with my decision about grad school. She's been my buddy for years now and I am so grateful for all her help. I don't have a specific intention for myself so if you have something you'd like me to pray for, let me know!

-- 7 -- 

Watch this video. This is a great reminder of why it's best to get to know someone before you write them off due to their appearances... or vice versa.

And that's it for this round. ;)

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D 

 

What I Learned Wednesday #12: Habemus Papam Edition

What a day! I had a nightmare that the world was ending but that Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI was in my house, hold the hands of my mother, my late father, and myself before he absolved me from any and all sins I had between my last confession and now. I woke up, had a terrible nap (but a curious dream that I was in Spain when I saw the white smoke and heard the announcement of a new Pope), and then woke up in time to pray, have breakfast, and then park myself in front of my laptop and TV (yes, both were on).

As we awaited to see whether we had a new Pope or not, my heart raced and I was shaking with nerves/excitement. When we finally saw the white smoke, my ugly crying face came out and then I alternated between crying, thanking God, and laughing. Yeah, I was an emotional mess. lol. I was surprised when Pope Francis was announced as our new Pope because, honestly, I thought it was either going to be Cardinal Scola or a North American Cardinal. I don't know much about Pope Francis but here are a few things I have learned thus far.

1) First off, it's Pope Francis, not Pope Francis I. Yes, he's the first Pope Francis (and first Pope from the Americas... and first Jesuit Pope) but we won't use the number one. If you don't believe me, check the Vatican's website. I made this mistake early on (tweeting "Pope Francis I" before a twitter friend in seminary corrected it) and I have seen many fellow Catholics do the same. It makes sense. There is no reason to add the number if he's the first and there hasn't been a second. Maybe we're just used to using numbers (i.e. Bl. John Paul II and Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI). Anyone around the time of Pope John Paul I remember whether they had this same problem? I was born when Bl. JPII was Pope so *shrugs*.

2) I learned this before the conclave but I tweeted it for those who didn't know; you earn a plenary indulgence by watching or listening to the Pope's first blessing. When I learnt this, I saw that it counted even if you watched it on TV or heard it on the radio. This time around it was extended to those who were watching online, a first! I thought it was very telling that he asked us to bless him before he blessed us. That's a first as well, right? And if you're wondering, the first televised Papal conclave happened in August 1978. I'm so glad that they included "new media" outlets (Vatican's YouTube live feed, EWTN, CatholicTV, various internet sources) because that's where most of us get our news. Not only that, Catholic New Media evangelization efforts are fruitful online and it's great that the Vatican recognizes this fact. (Side note: Reminds me of my Senior Thesis on Catholic New Media which I may or may not post sometime this year).

3) I think it's safe to say that the majority of us don't (or didn't) know squat about Pope Francis prior to his becoming Pope. After reading the latest Canterbury Tales blog post by Dr. Marshall, I learned a bit more. Some of my favorite facts include: "In Argentina, he has been accused by anti-clericalists as being 'medieval'", "was concurrently named ordinary for Eastern Catholics in Argentina, who lacked their own prelate. So he can, presumably, celebrate the Divine Liturgy of Saint John Chrysostom", and "has been critical of liberation theology." That last one reminded me of how liberation theology is taught at my CINO alma mater... and how they'll more than likely have issues with Pope Francis. To quote Montgomery Burns, "excellent."

Anyway, that's it for now. It's 90+ degrees in my part of L.A. and all I want to do is cool down and relax after all the excitement from today.

Don't forget to pray for Pope Francis, the Holy Church, and, well, everyone. May his Papacy be fruitful and everything that is in God's will for us as a holy, Catholic, and apostolic Church. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Big Update Post: Health; Lent Failures and Successes

Wow. I haven't blogged in over a week. Sorry. It's been a crazy busy week. I received my test results on Thursday (which I will write about), my brother arrived from Texas on Friday for a visit (and he's still here), and my weekend was crazy (Mondays count as my weekend since I take off Sundays and Mondays). Breathe, Emmy... breathe. Let's recap how crazy things are, shall we?

If you haven't already read via my twitter and/or the blog's FB page, I am completely healthy... on paper. Upper GI results came back with good news: no damage to my stomach, esophagus, or any other part that they checked. No acid reflux as far as they can see (though the doctor said I might still have some). No ulcer. No H. Pylori. My blood test results are perfect. The doctor is stumped. The problem is that I still have some problems eating. I had Spanish rice for the first time since late summer a couple of days ago and I had no immediate reaction. It was only until the next day that the acid was a bit uncomfortable and I didn't feel 100%. Thankfully it's less than before. I haven't tried all foods but I'm starting to try some of my old staples. Tackled homemade fries as I wrote this out and so far so good (whoo!).

Right now I'm aiming for a healthier weight and to exercise a bit more (I've been starting slowly as per my doctor's suggestion). I'm technically at a "normal" weight at the moment but it's at the very low end (only a step to the right from being considered underweight) so I want to gain a bit more. 2000 calories per day to achieve this goal... let's do this! ;) As for still being sick, I'm hoping that I am able to eat a bit more now that I'm off my bland diet. My next doctor appointment isn't until late April so let's hope I gain at least 5 pounds in the meantime. And, don't worry, I don't obsessively check my weight. I do it once every couple of days (no more than twice a week) to make sure I haven't lost more weight in the process. I (thankfully) still hold a healthy image about weight. I wouldn't even bother weighing myself or counting calories if I wasn't asked to. lol.

Have I thanked y'all for all of your prayers the last couple of months? No? Well, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I know some of you have messaged me throughout the last couple of months (and especially the last two weeks) and I firmly believe that I've found strength and peace of mind because of them. Just one more: THANK YOU!

What else is going on? Lent has been both a success and a failure thus far. Blargh. Why a failure? Because I haven't been able to not fast or to not eat meat on Fridays. I hopefully will this coming Friday but thus far, failure. Not to mention that it hasn't been overall hard for me since all I "gave up" were non-Catholic books. I have four books going on simultaneously (Interior Freedom by Fr. Jacques Philippe, Preparation for Death by St. Alphonsus Maria de Liguori, A Lenten Journey with Jesus Christ and St. Therese of Lisieux by Fr. John F. Russell O.Carm, and the Catechism of the Catholic Church) but I'm enjoying myself. It's not a challenge. In this way I feel like I've failed. However, it's still early enough that I can fix this.

What I ended up deciding to do (with the help of my confessor) is to give up my time spent online; especially on Fridays when I can't skip on not eating meat (while I try to figure out non-meat items that I can eat without problems on Fridays). I will most likely continue to give up my time on social networks after 12:00 p.m. on Fridays throughout Lent (even when I don't eat meat) because it'll be hard for me. I'm not addicted to social networks but I do spend quite a bit of time on them (especially twitter) so it'll be good for me to cut back on that and focus on my main guy (God).

Successes thus far include the end of the 54 day Rosary novena. I'm not calling victory yet as I'm not done, but the last day will hopefully be on Friday so I'm almost there. It's been a struggle. I've had some hard days that have produced "maybe you should give me" thoughts... which are quickly followed by "get your butt behind me, Evil One... I'm finishing this thing!" It's good to use my stubbornness productively. lol. It's become such a big part of my day (included in my nightly prayers) that I feel like I'm going to have to get a new novena (quick, someone send me a big intention that requires a novena!) so that I don't feel it as much as I think I will when it's over. Is it possible to be addicted to novenas? If so, no one get me help! lol.

Anyway, the local parish has confessions on Tuesday evenings so I'm going to stop writing so I can do some vacuuming before I go. I want to go to Mass, stay for confession afterwards, and then spend some time in front of the tabernacle before I put myself to bed at 8-9 p.m. Since Pope Benedict XVI's last Papal Audience will be shown live on EWTN at 1 a.m. PST, I want to get a nap in before it happens. I get up at 4 a.m. regardless (to drive my mother to work) but I still want to get a bit of sleep in so I'm not a complete zombie tomorrow. I already warned my family I will most likely be in tears so they've been warned if they hear me reaching for tissues at that time. lol.

That's it for now. I hope y'all are having a good start of week thus far. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

What I Learned Wednesday #10

Say "hello" to my little ashes... and freckles. lol. Extreme close up done to hide the horrible hair day I had today. Also but I don't wear make-up so you see everything. Oh well, I have nothing to hide. ;)

This will be a short list (compared to the other posts) because I have a couple of things to do before I call it an early night.

The only thing I have to write about today is the shocker that Pope Benedict XVI has handed in his resignation. And cue another ugly crying face in 3... 2... 1... When I heard about it for the first time, I was en route to Disneyland. I checked into Twitter and saw that he was trending. Didn't know why so I asked. Needless to say, I was left speechless. And then I cried. A lot. Silently but ugly crying face was in full effect. In true Emmy fashion, I looked out the window while I cried. I don't like crying in public and there were three other people in the car with me. Thankfully I wasn't driving. As expected, I didn't enjoy my trip to Disneyland but that's okay. None of my mattered at that point. All I knew was that my Pope (I'll get to this in a second) was stepping down and I was upset.

When I say that Pope Benedict XVI is my Pope, I mean that I returned to the Faith a year after he became our Pope. I was "Catholic" (ignorant about my Faith and didn't even think about it) when Bl. Pope John Paul II died. I remember the exact moment in which I read an online "journal" entry by the brother of a young man I was close to, talking about how he was waiting to see the "white smoke" appear to indicate that we Catholics had a new Pope... and how (sparing y'all expletives) he didn't understand why he even cared about it because he wasn't even religious; he was an atheist (if I remember correctly). I remember feeling very offended by what he said, not even knowing that I would revert almost a year and a half later. I always liked Pope Benedict XVI... even when I was away from the Faith. To this day, he's held a special place in my heart and it pains me to see him go.

Despite my own feelings about it, I can understand why he's stepping away. I get it. I don't like it but I understand why he's doing it. I thank him for everything he's done for us in the past eight years. He will always be my Pope. I will always be a card carrying member of the Papa Bene fan club. Would I have Pope Benedict XVI dreams if I weren't? ;)

Anyway, I haven't read everything on what's going to happen, what Papa Bene said (crazy last couple of days), so I can't expand on it. Maybe for next What I Learned Wednesday. To tie this into what I learned about the Faith: I had no idea it had been hundreds of years since the last time a Pope resigned. No clue. To be honest, I didn't even think it was still an option. I just assumed that modern Popes continued until they passed. See? I did learn something new this week. lol.

I'll stop writing before I look even more pathetic than I do now. lol. I still have many years of Catholicism to catch up on so have patience with me. ;)

You know the drill: if you have any prayer requests, send them my way! ;)

I'll write about my Ash Wednesday experience hopefully tomorrow. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless.

What I Learned Wednesday #2

Just a quick graphic I made for today's WILW post. :)

First of all, a "thank you" to those who participated last week. I had positive response about possibly linking up today so we shall see what happens. To me, if I can inspire one person to learn about the Faith during the week, that is a success. :)

1) This isn't something learned as it is an observation. We all know that today is the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe (who I love dearly), but very few people know about the feast day of St. Juan Diego to whom she appeared to. Did you know his feast day was December 9th? I honestly didn't. I thought it was the 11th (yesterday). St. Juan Diego is such a wonderful saint to learn about. His humility, his faith... it's all inspiring. He represents not only Hispanics and Amerindians, but the poor of the poor. He shows us that our economic status doesn't matter, what matters is what is in your heart. He loved God and Our Lady and dutifully did what Our Lady asked without doubts. After doing what she asked, he told her, "I am only a simple Indian whom you have sent as a messenger to an important person. Therefore, he didn't believe me, and I do not want to greatly disappoint you." He is not worried about what a mere mortal thinks of him, but about what she and therefore God think of him. Please take a couple minutes out of your day to learn a little more about him if you can. I think we could all learn a thing or two from him.

2) Something incredibly wonderful: I learned two things that I got a real kick out of. First, I learned that I was at my mother's baptism / first communion / confirmation. I was only three years ago at the time. My mother (who, as I mentioned before, was adopted) never properly received any of the sacraments so she waited until she was in her early 30s to receive them. I even saw a picture of the two of us together in front of a statue of Our Blessed Mother and Baby Jesus. It was wonderful and I'm sad I was too young to remember any of it. Btw, in another picture I was seated right behind my mama, wanting to "be in the middle of the action" as she put it. lol. Second, I learned that I was confirmed on St. Cecilia's feast day... at a church named after her. Yup, I was destined to have her as my confirmation saint. lol. I actually didn't know. I knew about the church being named after her -- I learned that a couple of years ago -- but not about the feast day. I am definitely celebrating it a little bigger next year. :D

3) Video of the week (and, really, the day) courtesy of Catholic News Agency of Pope Benedict XVI sending his first tweets. I woke up at 4:35 a.m. this morning and it was the first thing that I checked on my phone. Pope Benedict XVI Fan Club Member here.

Alright, this is it for now. It's short-ish because I don't have a lot of time; too many things to do, not enough hours in the day... and still no wifi to make my life easier (which is why I haven't posted anything since Friday.) lol.

Anyway, please share your blog posts, tweet, tumblr posts, etc in the link up under my signature. The submission time ends at 11:59 p.m. PST. If you don't want to share, I hope you do look into learning something about the Faith anything. We were all excited about the start of the Year of Faith but it seems to have fizzled out and I'm trying to keep the excitement alive. ;) Feel free to use the graphic I made; a better one is on the way. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

7 Quick Takes #3

--- 1 ---

Yesterday was my dreaded/anticipated doctor's appointment; the first one since my stomach problems started two months ago. Good news: my complete blood work came back to normal. Not completely good news (but not terrible): My doctor said that they're going to do an Upper GI X-ray in 2 months (on Ash Wednesday of all days!) because she can't figure out what's causing my stomach problems. When I asked her what I could eat, she said that she didn't know because we aren't sure what's causing certain foods to make me feel weak/faint/sick. I took that as my being able to return back to a normal diet and if something makes me feel faint/sick (i.e. french fries), not to eat it. That means that I may have a couple of sick days while I figure out what I can and cannot eat. On the bright side, I am no longer restricted to only grilled chicken, oatmeal, and toast anymore. :D

--- 2 ---

Well, What I Learned Wednesday (#WILW) is off to a good start. Though there were only two linked posts, I did get some enthusiasm about participating in it from some of the CathSorority gals. I hope that we'll see more of them next week. By the way, if you're wondering what it is (for the tl;dr crowd): You write about your progress in learning about the Faith during the Year of Faith and you document it on Wednesday. It can be a blog post or a tweet; I accept both. :)

--- 3 ---

Novel update: my three beta readers have received the first half of it (162 pages; yeah, it's a long one) and so far the feedback has been positive. True, they are some of my best friends but I know that if something is off, they'll let me know. I ask for brutal honesty and I get it. lol. As of now, the title is still Will and Lina though I may change it when I am not preoccupied with freelance work.

--- 4 ---

As Mike from Distracted Catholic said on Wednesday, I had a "fangirl" moment when I heard that one of my favorite artists, Hunter Hayes, was nominated for three Grammy awards. I am a big, huge fan of his so... you know, I celebrated. Sue me. He's a good, Catholic guy (yes, he's Catholic - I had my sources confirm it ;D) and he's ridiculously talented. When it comes to him and Pope Benedict XVI, ooh, girl... I fangirl like I was a teenager. lol. I think I picked good people to "fangirl" over so I'm happy with my choices.

--- 5 ---

And, speaking of Papa Benedicto, who isn't following his twitter?! I started following him the minute I got home from daily Mass. I'm actually really excited about his presence on twitter. I don't know how often he'll send tweets or how often he'll engage with us, but I think that it'll bring more people to Christ and to the Truth. Yes, there is so much anti-Catholic hatred being spewed from the so-called "tolerant" left but it should ignite a flame in the hearts of some (currently) lukewarm Catholics. Reversions, here we come. ;)

--- 6 ---

On Wednesday I found out about the passing of two great people. First, one of my favorite jazz artists, Dave Brubeck, passed. I am not quite sure why but I was surprisingly emotional over it. I ended up listening to his music early in the day because of it. Later in the day, we found out that my mom's Godmother had passed away. She was 94 years old. I had not seen my mom cry like that since my father's death (and never before that) so it broke my heart. My mom, who was adopted, felt that her Godmother and her daughter (who is another one of my mom's Godmothers) were like her second mothers so she's mourning the loss of a mom. Please keep both the Brubeck and Mendoza families (as well as my mama) in your prayers.

--- 7 ---

To not end on a downer, here's two of my favorite tumblr pictures of the week.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Hope y'all had a great week and a stellar weekend. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

A Pope Benedict XVI Dream and Vocation Thoughts

The second part of the Catholicism in tumblr will come next week (asked someone to help me out with it). For now, I want to write something a little different as I want to reflect on the very powerful (well, for me) week that I've had.

If you read my FB page update last week (on the Feast of Our Lady of Fatima), you know I had some very exciting news to share. Over the last couple of days, a few things have changed... but I feel like maybe it was for the best.

First, I know some of you are curious about my Pope Benedict XVI dream (as well as saint dreams). Not sure why people like hearing them but I don't mind sharing. :D Well, basically in the dream I spoke to Pope Benedict XVI three times. First time was inside the Apostolic Palace. There were a lot of people around but I do remember saying something about wanting to live in Vatican City but that I knew I couldn't. The second time I spoke to him, we were all outside in a courtyard with journalist-type people. I'm a bit vague about the details (I should really keep a dream journal, lol) but it was basically about my vocation and how I knew I wasn't meant to be a religious sister. The last time, I was able to talk and walk alone with him. He gave me advice on my vocation (as a lay person who wanted to write) and he mentioned that there was a way that I could live/work in Vatican City as a lay person. He led me through a door when he told me this and then excuse himself as he had to "go back and help the poor and needy." And that was my dream. Not the first Pope Benedict XVI dream (one of my favorites was when I knelt down and he heard my confession/gave me advice and a Rosary/golden crucifix) but it's always pleasant. I would rather dream of the Pope, saints, Our Blessed Mother and Jesus than have other kinds of dreams.

Second, I had other work-related news but I had to rethink things after a few things came up. I'm still freelance writing (and I'm tutoring a little gal for an hour during the weekdays) but I came to realize that I couldn't take on a new project that I had been excited about. Though I was terribly excited (especially since it was to be with local Knights of Columbus), God knows why it didn't work out. I still dream of working with a church, a Catholic organization, or (one of my grander dreams) to work with a publication that is directly connected with the Vatican but for now I will be continuing my non-Catholic freelance assignments. Baby steps (just like the picture above of the Bl. Mother Teresa with a child.)

All of these things, along with the improvement of my health, have made me very aware of a lot things that I hadn't really thought about. For the first time since I began my freelance writing career, I've felt myself pulled more and more towards writing about the Faith. This week I was asked what my goal was and, for the first time, I said I wanted to use my gifts to help evangelize to my generation as well as the younger generations. At the moment all I can think of doing is continuing this blog as well as finishing my young adult novel. I know God will present different opportunities to me when I am ready.

To say that I've had a burning desire to do something big for the Church is an understatement. I don't know why but I feel like there's something that I am meant to do that I have yet to figure out. I feel called to devote my life to doing something unique to help evangelization purposes but am stuck as to what I should actually do. I've had this feeling before but never this intense or persistent. And, for the record, I want to do these things in a way that won't attract much attention to me. I just want to do these things in a quiet and fruitful way.

If I may be honest, though my heart is still stuck on becoming a wife and mother some day, I feel like this desire is even bigger than any thoughts of marriage. I may still get married but right now I feel myself being pulled closer to God and to (at the risk of sounding dramatic) lose myself in Him. Again, I don't believe I have a religious vocation (and I've certainly been open to it for the past 6 years) but heart and my mind is focused on God and God alone. Who knows, I may become a consecrated virgin. It's a thought I've been had for quite a while now; one I was afraid to have before, due to fear of being alone, but one that I now feel at peace with if it's my vocation. Again, I still believe that my vocation is to be a wife and mother (and I certainly think this vocation would best suit me as it would help get rid of my selfish tendencies that would be harder to shake if I were to remain single) but I am open to whatever God wants me to do/be. Right now I am, thankfully, enamoured with the idea of being close to God and to let what may come come at its own time. Vocation can go either way at the moment. All of this could be in preparation for any of the three. ;)

Anyway, everything that's happened this week had led me to these realizations (first time I have the guts to properly think them through, let alone write it down). See what beginning to read St. Teresa of Avila's Interior Castle and having a Pope Benedict XVI dream have led me to think? lol. jk.

Sorry for such a long post; I just let it all spill out without a second thought.

I should really try to finish my last assignment for the week (yes, I am currently procrastinating :-P) so I can enjoy tomorrow. :D

I hope you all have a wonderful week. If you have any prayer requests, let me know. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Football (Soccer) and Catholicism

Picture of Javier "El Chicharito" Hernandez praying prior to a Mexico match.

If you are one of the few who have been following this blog since its inception then you know that most of the early blog posts contained a lot of football (soccer). And for the record, from now on I will use football to mean soccer. I don't watch or like American football *ducks* so no reason to get those confused.

As I wrote four years ago, (wow...) I played most sports growing up. In fact, I was named female MVP in eight grade because I never shied away from sports... even if it meant I was the only girl playing. I was that tomboy with scraped knees and bruises in skorts. lol. If I hadn't developed this anxiety disorder in high school (and thus having me transfer to a charter school) and/or messed up my right foot, I would've loved to have played football in high school and college. The sport actually helped rebuild the communication between my father and I in the last years of his life. (This story was included in the first Envoy Magazine article I wrote two years ago.) Needless to say, it has a special place in my heart for that and other reasons.

After my father passed away, I lost interest in a lot of things -- including football. Between that and my uber heavy course load, I eventually stopped watching the matches... though only for a couple of months. It wasn't until recently that I started to get back into the sport to the point where I once again prefer watching the matches to sleeping. lol. With Euro 2012 coming up (Go Rep. of Ireland!) as well as the CONCACAF World Cup Qualifiers (Go, USMNT!) starting this week, I thought it was a good time to finally write this post that I've been wanting to write.

You may not know this but there is a good relationship between football and Catholicism. A few years ago I was excited to learn that Bl. Pope John Paul II was a fan of my favorite football team, Liverpool F.C. as well as Barcelona (my favorite team in the Spanish League.) Liverpool's official website even got the scoop straight from the Vatican that he followed the career of a former goalkeeper who helped the team win the 2005 UEFA Champions League final. As a diehard Reds fan, this made me giddy. Of course, he's not the only Pope to say something on the sport. My beloved Pope Benedict XVI wrote about the importance of the sport (back when he was Cardinal Ratzinger) and even gave a list of the teams he was rooting for during the last World Cup. Though he is not as big of a fan as Bl. Pope JP II (though he does like my pick in the German League, Bayern Munich), he still knows how important it is to us and uses it to try to bring us closer to God.

Speaking of the World Cup (see what I did there? ;D), the winners of the last WC (Spain) made sure that the world knew who they were thanking for their triumph. Many of the players and staff dedicated the trophy to Our Lady and to the intercession of saints. The president of the Spanish football association as well as the team's coach dedicated the trophy to St. James. Player David Silva thanked Our Lady of Mount Carmel for the victory. When the team went to Mexico for a friendly match, they took the trophy and dedicated it to Our Lady of Guadalupe. For a country that is becoming more and more appallingly secularized, the team did good and I was proud to be of Spanish heritage when I heard of what they were doing. Before I move on from the last World Cup I also want to make note that Dutch player, Wesley Sneijder, even converted to Catholicism shortly before the World Cup began. Oh yeah! Of course, they are not the only ones who bring faith into the sport.

Watch a match between two predominantly Catholic countries and you'll see the majority of the players doing the sign of the cross as they walk on the pitch. Any of you watch the Brazil vs. Mexico match this past weekend? If so, then you saw the players doing just this. Mexican player Javier "El Chicharito" Hernandez is one of the most outwardly devout players, often kneeling on the pitch to pray mere seconds before it starts. He's done this in British Premier League where he plays for Manchester United. If you read Spanish or don't mind click Google Translate for the translation, in this interview he talks about how proud he is to be Catholic. If you're a fan of the Premier League, you may also be interested to hear that Liverpool FC's Steven Gerrard supposedly named his new baby daughter Lourdes after the town where Our Lady appeared AND that the Vatican recently gave Didier Drogba props for his crediting God for Chelsea's UEFA Champions League win last month. I didn't even know he was Catholic until recently either but this article really made me happy. A few years ago I wrote about how Italian Nicolas Legrottaglie and Brazilian Kaka (though he is not Catholic) were those outspoken against pre-martial sex, crediting their faith for their decisions to be chaste until they married.

Even in this country, where it's predominantly Protestant, we have our fair share of Catholic footballers. Eddie Gaven of the Columbus Crew as well as Luke Vercollone of the Charleston Battery belong to Catholic Athletes for Christ. Luke wrote a great article about his career and his vocation for Envoy Magazine. If you haven't already read it, I strongly suggest that you do. I also recently discovered a great website called Blessed 2 Play in which Eddie was interviewed about his faith (great 30 minute audio interview that includes the story of how he and his wife met... and how his wife converted to Catholicism). Also, I don't know if you remember but Chase Hilgenbrinck left the New England Revolution to become a priest. Oh yes, it's possible to have a priestly vocation and still love the game as the recent "clerical World Cup" news shows us. And one more piece of trivia for you... a Vatican City football team does indeed exist. I checked it out.

I do have so many other links and players I could talk about but maybe for another post. I think y'all get it. If you want to read an amusing post about how soccer is like Catholicism, go here. It's pretty spot on and I appreciated the comparisons as a Catholic.

And this is my post. I know, it's a lot of links but I do my research and I've been saving these links for a while now. I will undoubtedly occasionally write about the sport so y'all been warned. lol. I will try not to go overboard with it because I can become quite passionate about the sport -- and if you follow me on twitter you know that I can get a little too into it. lol. I hope some of you learned something new. :)

Anyway, I really want to take some time to pray before my mom gets home. I like my solo time to pray. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

Emmy, Defender of the Pope and Priests?

This weekend I got a chance to really talk to my confessor about the trouble I've been having at school. Forget my Thesis (which is done!). Forget finals. Forget the insane hour to three hour (each way!) trip I have to take to get to and from campus. It's a little more serious than that.

Remember that music professor I wrote about a few weeks ago? The one who seemingly has it out for me? Well, she was being okay for a while but it's started up again... and I have a very strong feeling that she will try to dock my grade as much as she can simply because she does not like me. She's been taking out whatever is going on with her on myself and another classmate. I will be talking to someone this week in case this happens. I'm covering all my bases. I SHOULD be graded on the work I've done in class and not on other stuff. And, yes, I admit that I have missed many lectures but when she's the cause of the horrific panic attacks that cause me to miss her class... well... you get it. But this isn't even the worse thing I've encountered.

Those of you who've read this blog long enough know about my struggles at my CINO college. Things have been more bearable this school year because I've only had two Religious Studies courses. Still, it's as bad in other non-Religious Studies classes... and this is what I told my confessor. I don't think it's very productive venting about situations and people but I've learned the hard way that bottling up emotions is bad. That is actually a huge cause for my anxiety. I don't "talk smack" about people but I do make it known that I am not happy with the way certain people (like my professors) treat me and how they speak out against the Church. I told him just what I've heard during lectures. "The Pope is a super rat with red shoes." Priests are dragged through the mud. "Women should be priest(esses) if they want." "The Church is patriarchal and want to oppress women." "Contraception is the best thing that happened to women." These are just some examples, it gets worse but I won't have time to get into them all just now.

As I was telling my confessor this, he looked surprised and unhappy. (side note: he's my new confessor since Fr. Alexander passed away last month.) I only gave me a sample of what I've heard and how I feel bad about venting about my professors (especially because I've heard it mostly from the nuns who are the professors)... but I have to get my frustration out by speaking about it. I am NOT okay with it. It's one thing to take whatever the professors are feeling out on me (I am sensitive and I may cry but I can always offer it up)... it's a whole different thing to take it out on Pope Benedict XVI, clergy, and the Church. My confessor told me one simple thing that made a bigger impact on me than he might've intended: defend him, other priests, and the Pope against these kinds of attacks.

I've been praying and asking God to show me what do with my life after graduation. After doing all the research for my Thesis about our generation (Generation Y), religious beliefs amongst our generation, and the Church, I felt like I was heading in the right direction in terms of what I wanted to do. It wasn't until I heard my confessor tell me to defend them that it all clicked for me. I'm going to do my darnest to try to get the word out to this generation (as well as the younger generations) that we have to do what we can to defend the Church and her members.

By that I don't mean fighting for the sake of fighting; no violence, please. I am talking about educating ourselves about the true teachings of the Church (not what the mass media and others may ignorantly inform us) so that we are prepared to go against what is thrown our way. After reading all those Vatican documents and doing all that research, I have a new outlook on things and I deeper love and appreciation for the Church and the Pope. Alicia, Trista, and I have even formed our own little Pope fan club. ;)

We have such a wonderful Pope, priests, and nuns (we cannot forget about religious sisters :D) that bring us closer to God and to knowing Him better with our hearts... yet they are constantly attacked. Why not show our appreciation for all that they do by doing what we can to help them? If you're not feeling up to going toe-to-toe with someone, pray for them. As my mom has reminded me since I was a little girl, prayers and faith can move mountains. We can pray for a change of heart and that person's conversion.

From this day on, I'd like to be known as Emmy, defender of not only God, the Blessed Virgin Mary, Saints, and the unborn but of the Pope and Priests as well. It's a long title but it's one that is now etched into my heart. With only 3 weeks (exactly) until my graduation ceremony, I am going to do what I can to leave my mark at that school... to show them that I came out of it with my faith stronger and more intact than when I started. Call that an epic win for God and a fail for those who tried to keep me away from Him.

Anyway, I'm off to finish some of my last assignments as an undergrad student. No, it hasn't hit me just yet. Give me another week (when there is only one week of classes and finals week left) for it to hit home that I'm done. ;)

I hope you all had a blessed weekend (I LOVE Divine Mercy Sunday though I was sadly too sick to attend Mass yesterday) and have a great week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

So... Did You Hear I was a Heretic?

This picture sums up my reaction to that completely unnecessary argument between sedevacantists and myself. You know it's a sad time when Catholics go after each other. I mean, I know why I would get attacked... I acknowledge that Pope Benedict XVI is the Pope and I love that he's trying to bring back some pre-Vatican II things, like the Latin Masses. I have loved Pope Benedict XVI since he became our Pope, way before people started warming up to him. I just felt like he would do a great job. So far, I do believe he has done a lot of good for the Church though I am still learning here (remember, though, that I just came back to the faith not too long ago). This is where the sedevacantists will fight with me.

"He's an anti-Pope!", "He's heretical!", "Anyone who follows him is a heretic that will burn in hell!" Please, give me a break! Granted, I do question some things he's done (such as the whole Lutheran church homily controversy) but I like to think that he has done that as a way to extend an olive branch... in hopes that some of them will consider looking into converting or at least into not having such anti-Catholic views. Hey, if it's happening with the Anglican Church (many converting to Catholicism) why can't we hope for Lutherans to do the same?

I do know there is a great division between traditional Catholics and the more progressive *cough*liberal*cough*/cafeteria Catholics, but I don't think attacking each other will ever solve any difference. As I've said many times, I fall in the more conservative, traditional spectrum of Catholicism. I would LOVE to see the Traditional Latin Masses replace the Novus Ordo and I am a definite mantilla (chapel veil) wearer and feel disrespectful when I don't have it on. It makes me sad not to see Sisters wearing their habits on campus of Catholic colleges and universities (oh, I have something coming up on that). That doesn't mean I am going to attack those who love the Ordinary Form Masses or act disrespectful to the Sisters who wear everyday clothing.

I felt really disrespected when I was accuse of being a heretic. The people who accused me of such things did not know me, at all, nor do they know my beliefs (which would take quite a few long posts to get everything written). I was accused of wholeheartedly embracing Vatican II which I have never discussed (on whether I agree or disagree) with anyone... in person or online. When I made a comment on a friend's Facebook status about how we shouldn't expect Pope Benedict XVI to magically change the Church back overnight, I was rebutted with the argument that if he "were the real Pope", he would do it without a problem. He's a man, not a magician. While he is acting as God's representative on earth, he's not actually God. He does not have the power to will people to change. God doesn't even do that! (I won't go into the Free Will debate; at least not tonight.) With how progressive the world is today, and seeing how rapidly secularism is spreading across once great Catholic countries, it's going to be a difficult uphill battle for Pope Benedict XVI and for his successors. I do think it can happen, but it won't be easy.

In a nutshell, this way of thinking (and other thoughts that I have not discussed with others) makes me a heretic. *shakes head* As I said on my Facebook status a few days ago, I refuse to get into any more of these arguments because I am not a broken record nor do I aspire to be one (she says ever so sassily. lol) It's the same arguments over and over again. Apparently I was not the only one who had this problem recently (a few other friends had similar situations as well) and we've all pretty much decided to tune them out. It's not going to do anyone any good to fight over this.

This is all I'm going to write about the topic. I am not going to badmouth anyone. I am not going to single out people. This is not an attack on anyone. I'm just sharing my experience and thoughts on the experience. I avoid drama like the plague (though all bets are off with my guy friends who treat me like a sister, though that's mostly teasing and really lame inside jokes... long story, lol) so I am not going to go into this topic with anyone again.

To end this blog on a better note... I do have a dream post coming up soon which relates to the topic I wrote about yesterday. I am not quite done thinking about it (had a busy day today) but hope to soon. :D

Alright, this busy little bee needs to get some sleep. It's nearly 1 a.m. in the morning (technically this post was written in two days) and I have to get up in a few to study and do exams before I go visit some pretty awesome Sisters (which I hope to write about tomorrow). :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

More Traditional Than Expected?

Every time I go to Mass at the parish where I've gone since I was in my mama's womb, I become just a little more disillusioned with them. The fact that they pretty much skip over the Penitential Rites really bugs me. The clapping, and (sometimes) dancing along, I see during the Alleluia/Gospel Acclamation always makes me cringe. I've had priests (one in particular) look at me when they see I'm not partaking in the clapping most of the parishioners are more than happy to do. I refuse to clap along, sorry. I feel like it's disrespectful to the sacredness of the Mass. More things I don't like: not wearing a skirt or dress to Mass... not wearing a mantilla/chapel veil... not receiving communion... not attending Mass, period. I have been known to cry when I am unable to attend Mass. The more I learn and read about the Church pre-Vatican II, the more I feel like the "outdated rituals" would suit me the best. That doesn't mean that I am against the Second Vatican Council... I just prefer the way things used to be way before my time. Am I more traditional than anyone, including myself, expected?

I have never been to a Latin Mass before but, after learning more about it and watching videos on youtube, I feel like it is the perfect Mass for me. Sadly, they're not really offered within the Los Angeles Archdiocese. Not even Pope Benedict XVI's Motu Proprio Summorum Pontificum has helped that issue here. The nearest parish where they offer Latin Masses is almost an hour away from where I live (for those who aren't familiar with L.A., the county is large and sprawled out). They don't even offer it at the San Fernando Mission anymore! I could go into the whole issue many of us have with Cardinal Mahony, but I won't. All I will say is that I think it's sad that the archdiocese seems to have something against the TLM. If you want to hear more about what's wrong with this archdiocese, go to Joe's blog, Verbum Veritatis in Mahonyland. He expresses himself better than I do on this subject. (P.S. He can attest that I actually wear a mantilla to Mass; he's seen it for himself.)

I have embraced the fact that I have become a traditional Catholic (and I fall in the first group of traditional Catholics according to Fish Eaters). When I started this blog, on Christmas night 2007, I had NO CLUE that my journey returning to the Church would lead me here. For those very few that have read this blog since the beginning, I ask you: did y'all see it coming? I am actually very proud that! While I no longer wear the mantilla my father brought me from Mexico earlier this year (I have decided to not use it until my wedding day), I still wear one. I am proud to wear my mantilla to Mass... even if I'm the only woman under 50 that wears one. I REFUSE to receive communion by the hand. I'm usually one of the very few people in my parish who receives the Eucharist directly in the mouth. I wouldn't mind seeing altar rails brought back to the parish, though I won't hold my breath on that one. I'm not even going into the music played during Mass because I will never stop writing (St. Cecilia would be proud. :D)

I've read recent articles (which I cannot find at the moment, I need to organize my bookmarks) that say that statistics and surveys have shown that my generation (those in their late 20s and younger) seem to be more traditional than previous generations. Yes! Most, if not all, my Catholic friends are traditional, so I believe the articles. So will I be one of several that, with the help of Pope Benedict XVI, get their wish fulfilled and see parishes allow more Latin Masses to be said? Will we slowly see beautiful mantillas return? Only time will tell... but I am certainly hoping it happens.

Though I want to write more, I will stop for now and pick it up sometime in the future. Maybe next time I'll have the links ready. lol. ;) I am off to prepare myself for tomorrow's Philosophy course. Another round of "Oh no you di'nt" discussions with my professor? We'll see. :D I hope y'all are having a great start of week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Infant Jesus of Prague, The 9 Hour Novena and I.

I'm sitting here, at the desktop computer, hoping that I can make it through the day much better than I did yesterday and on Thursday. I've been so sick, I've spent the last couple of days. On Thursday I was worried I would end up in the emergency room because I felt like I was going to faint for a couple of hours. I even got to a point where I couldn't walk. I have no idea why or what caused it but I will try to see a doctor soon just to make sure all is well. Anyway, while going through all of that, and being home alone, I got really stressed because I honestly thought my mom would come home to find me passed away. I decided to do something I only reserve for these types of situations: I did the 9 hour novena to the Infant Jesus of Prague.

If you have done it, you know how great it is. It has never, not once, failed me in what I ask. If you haven't and if you're ever in a situation where you need a prayer answered quickly, you should try it. Here's the prayer in case you don't have it:

This prayer is recited at the same time every hour for nine consecutive hours in one day.

O Jesus, You have said, "Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened to you." Through the intercession of Mary, Your Most Holy Mother, I knock, I seek, I ask that my prayer be granted.
(Make your request)
O Jesus, You have said, "All that you ask of the Father in My Name, He will grant you." Through the intercession of Mary, Your Most Holy Mother, I humbly and urgently ask Your Father in Your Name that my prayer be granted.
(Make your request)
O Jesus, you have said, "Heaven and earth shall pass away but My word shall not pass." Through the intercession of Mary, Your Most Holy Mother, I feel confident that my prayer will be granted.
(Make your request)
Amen.

I think I might need to say it again today because I feel so horrible. I was in so much pain yesterday... if I wasn't sleeping, I was crying over the pain. Today, little pain but I feel so weak and fatigued, it's not even funny. I feel like I have a fever though I don't. It's horrible. I'll wait until Monday to go to the student health center at my school because they see me sooner, and often do a better job, than at my regular doctor's. I have to make an appt. 2-3 MONTHS in advance to see my regular doctor. If I want to be seen sooner, they'll send me to the E.R. which can take anywhere between 8-17 hours for something that might not even be serious. I HOPE it's not serious and that I don't end up in the E.R. I don't want to worry me poor, overworked mom. It was painful to see her so tired, and half asleep, and worried about me last night. I feel worse about worrying her than I do about being sick. As I do sometimes, I will ask the Infant Jesus of Prague to give me strength to endure this thing, whatever it is, until I can be seen by a doctor... if not help me figure out what's wrong so I can try to get better.

I should go lay down a little while, not feeling all too great :(, so I'll leave y'all with a link to Pope Benedict XVI's address (during his trip to the Czech Republic), on the Infant Jesus of Prague and the beauty of Childhood (via Rorate Caeli).

I'll come back with a blog as soon as I feel better. Fingers crossed I feel well enough to go to confessions today and Mass tomorrow. I hate missing both. :( Maybe I should have more childlike confidence that everything will be better because, if it's the Lord's will, I WILL get better. You know, like when you scraped your knee as a little kid and you were certain that it would get better as soon as your mom kissed it? Like that. :) I'll keep y'all updated via twitter if anything big comes up.

Until then, thanks for the prayers and for reading. God Bless!

Little Girl Gets Her Wish; Cardinal Newman News; Thank Yous!

A couple of weeks ago I read this article at the National Catholic Register about a little girl, named Emma, who is getting her wish to meet Pope Benedict XVI. Go Emma! :D What's incredible about this little girl is that, not only is she an abortion survivor (whoo!) but she was only three years old when she said (and I'm quoting from the article) "That’s my new pope. Do you think I can ever meet him?" This little girl has been serious about her faith from a young age, even talking about becoming a nun when she gets older. It's stories like this that make me hopefully for the next generation. I don't know many young people, including 20-somethings like myself, that would consider a religious vocation. (For the record, I also seriously considered becoming a religious sister until I got too many signs that I wasn't meant for that particular vocation). Oh, and btw, major kudos to the Make-A-Wish Foundation for even attempting to make her wish come true, even when they believed it to be impossible. :)

Another great thing that has recently happened: another Cardinal Newman miracle has been approved by the Vatican. It's only a matter time before Papa Bene can declare that Cardinal Newman "Blessed". Sweet! I have a lot of respect for him, and he has popped into one of my saint dreams before, so I'm happy to hear about this. And, side note, I actually made sure there were Newman Centers at the universities I applied to before I applied to them -- that's why the University of British Columbia and Oxford University were on the top of my wish list before I decided to stay in Los Angeles. Do any of you have Newman Centers at your schools?

Before I conclude this entry, I just wanted to once again thank everyone for their continued prayers. Dad was checked into the hospital yesterday. My mom initiated that whole process without my knowing. Without going into much detail, I did not know anything about it so it caused some problems because, as of right now, I have the say in what happens. I just learned that I have that power yesterday. It's quite shocking for me, but I'm completely prepared to take it on. I can do it. :) Anyway, after I told my dad that I thought it was a good idea for him to go, to stay under observation over the weekend and then have the tests done on Monday, he agreed to stay. He called this morning (really early) that he was checking out of the hospital because he hated it there. It took some convincing to get him to stay... and it happened right before he signed the release form. I honestly credit your prayers, as well as my prayers to St. Dymphna to keep me from having a panic attack, for making my dad reasonable and for keeping my sanity. I sincerely thank all of you. I get your messages, emails, and tweets and I am trying to reply to all of them as soon as I can. :) Thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU!

And that is it for today. I want to get all my homework done today because we're going to go visit dad tomorrow. I'm also going to try to go to Mass tomorrow... and confessions in a little while. Did I mention that I have to walk quite a distance to go to the nearest church? Mmhmm. :D

Alright, enough of my stalling. lol. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Quick Update from Homeworkland

Just a quick update because I am swamped with homework. Three days behind schedule will do that to you.

I've spent the past two days in bed. Well, two and a half. I even missed class on Wednesday due to my first migraine ever. The headache had been building up and not even two Advil tabs were helping. I slept most of Wednesday (due to throbbing headache that made me feel like crumbs) and maybe half of yesterday. I was up only long enough to take more Advil for pain (different sort of pain) and to watch movies with my guy. Haven't been able to eat today, I am literally forcing myself to eat, which is not good because I always feel worse when I don't eat. Ugh. I'll be fine... I'll be fine...

Anyway, due to my being bed for a few days, I am BEHIND on my homework. *groan* Luckily, if I start feeling better today, I will be able to knock out most of the work before bedtime. I'm a fast reader and an even faster writer, thank goodness for that. My goal is to finish everything in time to enjoy my road trip tomorrow, and possible trip to the CU meeting tomorrow. I hope I make it but, at this point, your guess is as good as mine as to whether I'll be able to make it.

I hope to write a blog in the near future -- when I don't have the homework monster breathing down my neck. I have something to say on the whole this with Nancy Pelosi, who apparently took NOTHING Papa Bene said to her to heart. Seriously, Pelosi, you FAIL at being a true Catholic and I don't know how you can call yourself a real one.

I also have something to say that hit closer to home -- a fellow student being called a "fascist b*****d" by a professor at a Los Angeles Community College. Why is this closer to home? Because I'm a student within the LACC right now. Granted, I'm not at the same campus where this particular situation happened, but the rules are applied to all the LACC campuses. This is going to affect me in a BIG way, as I am a Catholic who won't shy away from a "fight" with professors... especially in Philosophy courses. The outcome of this thing will either censor me or will allow me my right to the First Amendment (Freedom of Speech) without consequences. *sigh* I wish I had my acceptance/rejection letter from UBC already.

Alright, I'm going back to Homeworkland. Homeworkland, the place where a kid (or a student) can get the life sucked out of them. Yay. lol.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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England Bound?; Papa Bene and the 'Net; Missing Mass, Faith.

See? I'm keeping my promise of another post today. :D I'm sort of in an extremely giddy mood which I'm trying to contain. No one wants it to spill into the post. lol. I'm just really happy because I got to see both of my Godmothers (my Baptism Godmother and my First Communion Godmother/God sister) as well as my God brother. (ed. note: If you're not familiar with the terminology... God sister is the daughter of your Godmother, God brother is the son of your Godmother). I love them all and it's sad I only get to see them like once a year. But still, the fact that I saw them... and that they support my decision to finish my B.A. degree outside the U.S. made me even happier.

Speaking of studying outside the U.S... A few days ago I received a package from Bath Spa University in Bath, England. I had completely forgotten about that school (which I was originally going to attend almost 3 years ago) until I received the package. I guess they really want to me to attend school out there. It's now a new option for me, and it's making my decision as to where I'll transfer to a little more interesting. I honestly feel more at home out there than I do here but I've got a lot of other things to consider. I have another school (my dream school) I am applying to this coming next month. If I get accepted there... I'll be over the moon. I've been dreaming about attending this university for years now. It's in Canada, so I can always fly back home during breaks without much problem. I won't say what university it is (yet) because I'm weird like that. :D I hope that the next time I mention this school I'll have good news. If you guys can please pray that the Holy Spirit helps me figure out where I'm supposed to finish my degree, that would be awesome. As I said, I have my dream school... but if the Lord doesn't want me there, I won't go. Fingers crossed it's Up North. ;) If not, England or staying here won't be too bad. :D Ah, decisions, decisions...

One easy decision, though, is subscribing to Papa Bene's YouTube account! (P.S. I don't mean to disrespect Pope Benedict XVI by calling him Papa Bene, it's just a term of endearment I have for him... just like "JP2 We Love You"). Before I took my mini-sabbatical from the 'net (well, computer), I subscribed to his/the Vatican's channel. I think it's amazing that he's doing this. :D I kind of makes me giggle (yes, I giggle. lol) a little that this came a couple of days after I wrote my post about Catholicism and Technology. I might have to edit it (when I have time) and add all these news things. I love that Papa Bene understands that the 'net is a great way to proclaim our faith. Yes, it has its fall backs as well, but think of all the good things we can do on here. :D As he said, we can use Facebook, XT3, YouTube, GodTube (which is apparently changing its name soon), our own blogs, websites, etc. to really connect with other Catholics around the world. If you want to read Papa Bene's entire message regarding Catholicism and Technology, please click here. It's a little long but well worth it! I truly hope that he's able to do a lot of good with his new ways of communicating. There are a lot of confusions (*cough*and brainwashing*cough*) that's spread out in the World Wide Web and hopefully more and more young people return to the Church.

And, speaking of returning to the Church, I am about to return myself! I haven't gone to Mass in the past 3 weeks. I haven't even gone to confessions in over a month and a half either. The reasons why, in a nutshell, were anxiety one week, stomach issues another, and cold induced pain the last week. :( I HATE HATE HATE being away from the Church. I absolutely abhor it with every fiber of my being. And I hated that I felt myself being pulled away, as well. It's the most uncomfortable thing in the world to be in that situation -- loving the Church and knowing what is wrong and right, and being tempted to rebel against some things. I won't say that I didn't slip up a little bit, because I did. I'm not perfect but I can try to live my life as faithfully as I can, which is what I try to do. Again, we all make mistakes and I'm happy to say that I didn't (and still don't) feel good about the mistakes I made. At least that means that I didn't stray and like it. Imagine if I did... *shudders* I'm in the process of finishing both books on Blessed Pier Giorgio to hopefully get myself in the right mind frame again. They are. :D

Before I end this blog, I will now like to clarify a few things. I know some of you guys follow me on Twitter. Though I took a break from the 'net, I did update it through my iPod so that no one worries about how I'm doing. (I have amazing friends who will go nutty if I don't check in with them on an almost daily basis). A couple of updates mentioned Will, either by name or it was implied that it was him. The whole thing about him picking me up, throwing me over his shoulder, and dragging me away from a book was strictly business and for the novel. Any mentions of him from now on (though I believe there will be no more) are purely for the novel. A decision was made that having him in my life is no longer healthy for me and everything that was on twitter was just some loose ends that needed to be tied, as well as some things that needed to be done for the novel. I still love the guy for everything he did for me and I no absolutely NO ill will towards him. I just got to the point where I had to decide what was more important for me: my faith and love of God, or someone who will always be fondly thought of for everything he did for me. This will not affect anything in the novel because, remember, it's not completely autobiographical and the ending was always going to be different from the real one. This also doesn't mean Will and Lina will end up together at the end. You'll just have to wait and read. :D

Alright, I think I should give your poor eyes a break. :D I will hopefully have a busy day tomorrow, like I did today, so I should try to get as much rest as I am able to get. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D