Dear (Fellow) Catholic Writers...

Dear (fellow) Catholic writers,

I don't want to compete with you. At all. I know that some people are in this seemingly endless competition to see who can amass more social media followers... whose articles get the most traffic... whose articles get the most comments... retweets... likes, etc. I'm not one of them. I prefer to be an insignificant nobody in the Catholic world (and in the world in general).

If you feel the need to rub it in my face that I've been blogging for 10 years and don't have a column in a popular/well-known Catholic publication have a book deal/contract with a publisher, I have news for you: I'm sincerely happy for you and I honestly don't care that these things haven't happened to me. Do you want to know why? Because I don't feel that it's what God wants for me (at least, not right now) and it is not suitable for me in many ways.

Having a column would open me up to criticism (both from outsiders and from myself) and I'm far too sensitive for criticisms. Why do you think I take extended breaks from Twitter and why I'm very careful about who I add on other social media platforms? I'm very susceptible to being affected by negativity. Too much time on Twitter makes me uncharitable and snippy; that's not who I want to be nor who I believe I am, deep down.

Furthermore, despite having reverted over a decade ago, I've yet to learn enough about Catholicism to feel confident enough to speak out about it. That's how I've seen that perhaps the lay Dominican life is not for me; I love learning but I don't feel prepared to speak to others about all topics within Catholicism. I speak of what little I know; of what I've experienced. I'm happy that in this little corner of the internet, I can express myself and that I don't feel the pressure to churn out some amazing content on a regular basis. It would be too stressful for me and I've only just gotten my anxiety down to a practically non-existent level.

In recent weeks, God has opened my eyes and shown me that I don't want the popularity that comes with having writing success. I write because I love it. I write because it's my way of expressing myself. I write because I feel like it's the one small talent God has given me... one that, I hope, will one day help me stimulate my future children's imaginations since I hope to create magical worlds just for them.

I know that I may someday choose not to blog anymore. I don't think I will ever give up writing completely but I know that my heart is with building my future family. I've discerned my vocation to the point of knowing that what I want most in this world is to get married and have children. I know that I want to devote myself to that vocation as much as I can -- being a stay-at-home mother, if God wills it, would be a dream -- and that I'm very likely to give up writing often while my children are small.

I will continue to self-publish my novels because my object is not to make a ton of money but to (hopefully) help others in little ways -- to escape a problem by being immersed in a world I've created, even if it's for a little while... to learn from the mistakes and lessons learned by the characters in my novels... to be inspired to grow closer to God. That's why I periodically choose to give my novels away and/or donate the proceedings of my sales to various causes (i.e. earthquake relief funds).

For those of you who are successful in the Catholic writing world and have managed to stay humble: you leave me in awe and I will continue to pray that God gives you the knowledge, courage, and humility to continue spreading His word with the gift He's given you. I know that I couldn't do it because I still have too much pride that God needs to whittle away from my very being. If He chooses to one day give what I write any attention from publishers or editors of publications, it will be done because He knows that I will be able to handle it (which I currently cannot). At the moment, I don't see it happening and I'm perfectly content with what I have right now.

Being invisible amongst other bloggers and writers is wonderfully humbling and is shaping me into the person that I hope God wants me to be. I've come to see that I wish to remain as I am now: being surrounded with great people who support me, who choose to be part of my journey (seeking nothing but friendship in return) and who challenge me to seek God and become the best version of myself.

Dear Catholic writers, I pray that you continue to do wonderful things for His kingdom and that your words lead others closer to God. I pray that the popularity, fame, envy, greed, and other temptations that the devil may try to tempt you with will not affect you. If they do, I pray that God will open your eyes and that you are immediately able to fix it. In our fallen human nature, it's very easy to fall into traps that hurt our souls without us being aware of them until much later. I've been able to see this for myself. God has been merciful and shown me what I need to work on; I pray He does the same for you.

Please remember that whatever success we have on this earth does not dictate where we will end up once our time in this world is over. Please remember to build each other up instead of tearing each other down or trying to outdo each other. It's become very evident (at least to me) that the evil one has been hard at work to divide us all... and it's become especially easily through social media. Please be on your guard and pray for each other (and the trolls that may want to engage in a pointless battle with you; don't feel the trolls). Don't be afraid to share what others have written if you think it will be beneficial to others; even if it means your blog/article for the day gets ignored. Do things for the greater good.

Anyway, I didn't write this to shame anyone; I just wanted to express my own opinions and let you all know that I am praying for you. I choose not to compete with you, but to fight alongside you; to help others get to Heaven.

This is not a "farewell, blog/writing world" post, but a letter to all the wonderfully talented writers in hopes that it will remind them of what's truly important.

May God bless you all,

Why I Remain Catholic

I started seeing tweets with the hashtag #WhyRemainCatholic floating around Twitter a couple of days ago and I was immediately intrigued. I finally found the source and thought it was a brilliant idea. Elizabeth Scalia (a.k.a. the Anchoress) issued a challenge to all of us Catholics in social media (as well as those in the public eye) to share why we are still Catholic, despite what the Pew studies report says. Though I am of little to no importance in the Catholic world, I thought I'd share why I'm still Catholic.

I'm still Catholic because it has filled a gaping void that existed while I was away from the Church. From ages 11 through 21, I was Catholic in name only. I rarely attended Mass. I was poorly catechized and therefore knew very little beyond the basic prayers. I sought things such as popularity amongst friends and classmates and even when obtained, still felt incredibly empty inside.

I'm still Catholic because a lot of what I believed while I was away from the Church still aligned with Church teachings. I didn't believe in abortion and couldn't bring myself to support friends who obtained abortions in my late teens because I knew that it meant the killing an innocent child. I believed these things despite never having heard the word "pro-life" or knowing what the Church teachings were on this topic.

I'm still Catholic because, despite being poorly catechized as a child, I still knew the beauty that existed in the Church. When I was a 5 year-old I used to tell people I was going to become a nun when I grew up. I loved attending Mass and paying close attention to what was going on.

I'm still Catholic because my life changed for the better upon my reversion. The years of anxiety, stress, dumb teenage decisions, and emptiness have only made me appreciate the love, joy, and peace I've felt in recent years.

I'm still Catholic because it's helped me get out of the stereotypical selfish Millennial mindset that I should pursue things that make me happy and that things were made for my comfort. Those thoughts created a number of stresses, sadness, and anxieties when they were not obtained. It was only until I stopped trying to control things and let Him lead me down the path He wants me to take that life had a better and more beautiful meaning.

I'm still Catholic because everything taught in our beautiful religion has made sense. As a former Religious Studies major, I had to study different religious and philosophies yet the only one I agreed wholeheartedly with was Catholicism. Even when I was an "open minded" teen, Catholicism still made the most sense.

I'm still Catholic because I love Him too much to ever deny Him. When my time here on earth is over, I want to spend eternity with Him and I believe the only way I can achieve that is to continue to be Catholic and do His will for me.

I'm still Catholic for these reasons and more. The list would be too long to actually write out but at least you get the gist of it. :)

Anyway, this is just a short list. I wrote this out while experiencing chest tightness (ah, acid reflux/ GERD...) but I still soldiered on (after a break) to finish it. That's how important this post was to me. :)

I hope y'all have a wonderful weekend. If there's anything I can about for you, please let me know. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Poorly Catechized? Learn! Teach!

I took this picture a couple of years ago. It was one of the first books I bought when I reverted to the faith.

This is the second part to last week's blog post (which should've been written/posted sooner). It took longer than anticipated because of work and errands... and life. :) Yeah. I'm a little behind on a lot of things but I will catch up over the weekend. :D

So, results of my little poll? Almost everyone who responded said they were poorly catechized. Ouch. There are a number of reasons why people think they weren't properly taught. We can all point fingers (I know I kind of did as well). What I didn't hear much about was what was being done to remedy it.

Where am I going with this? Well, to put it bluntly: we can't use the fact that we were poorly catechized as an excuse to what we do anymore. Yes, it's not easy to go back and learn things (especially if you've been out of school or away from the Church for so long) but it's not impossible. Don't know the Beatitudes, or the fact that there are two different sets of Beatitudes? Grab the nearest Catholic (*cough*complete*cough* - hee!) Bible and look it up. If you've been learning as an adult yet you still have questions, ask a priest or someone you respect. I know I bugged Patrick Madrid a couple of times during my junior and senior years of college for book suggestions. And, by the by, he has a great show called Right Here, Right Now which can be heard on Immaculate Heart Radio on weekdays. You can call in during the show and ask questions which you are wondering about. The point is, it's never too late to learn. Think of it this way: St. Augustine of Hippo, one of greatest Catholic minds of all time, was 32 when he converted. It's never too late to learn more about our beautiful religion.

One more thing before I get off my soapbox: if you love the faith and have the time to teach others, why don't you? Become a catechist, start a blog, tweet fun Catholic facts, etc. We're in the Year of Faith; this is the perfect time to do something. The results of the election, as well as the tweets from the Bishops and Bloggers Dialogue weekend, have really lit the fire under me. I don't know about y'all but... I seriously want to learn all that I can (even more so than before) and then pass it on to the younger generation. We have an amazing opportunity to really do something... yet we get lazy or sidetracked by so many things.

I think I'm going to do a little something starting this month that I hope will help in my own little nerdy way. Being a bookworm and having a weird compulsion to document my progress, I think I'm going to tackle a couple of simple books on Catholicism and write what I've learned. If anyone wants to join in (whether it be reading, interviewing, researching, etc), I welcome you to do so. I'm going to tag those posts as #WhatILearnedWednesday or #WILW. I may not get through one book per week but I will keep track of it for the rest of the Year of Faith. Embarrassing (as in "yeah, I really didn't know that") or not, I will write down what I learned.

Anyway, just wanted to write this out and I hope that at least one person reads this and is inspired to do something. And now, to get some work done before I enjoy the rest of my weekend. :D

I hope y'all had a great week and have a fantastic weekend.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

Modesty at Mass and in Everyday Life.

Yes, that's the chapel veil (or mantilla) that my father brought from Mexico. I will have to look for the one my beloved, late grandmother sent me when I was still in my teens so I can post a picture of it as well. I LOVE it. I'm going to have to get used to wearing them... which is proving somewhat difficult with my usually straight hair. Maybe I'll have to stop blow drying it so it stays naturally wavy, then maybe it won't keep sliding off. lol. Mom suggested I use bobby pins, like she did when she was younger and wore them to Mass (granddad was very Catholic), but I still haven't figured out how to do it. Suggestions are welcomed! :D Either way, I AM going to wear them... even if no one else around my age does. (The only women at my parish, and during the morning English Mass, that I've seen wear them are over 40.)

During Mass last Sunday I had two thoughts come to mind. First: Yes! Other women dress appropriately to Mass and/or wear mantillas. Second: Wow, so many women comes dressed like they were going out to a club... or hanging out at the mall with their friends. As my friend Monique from Catholic Chicks (who beat me with a post similar to this, lol) pointed out, we can't judge someone by what they wear to Mass because we don't know if the reason they're not more dressed up is because they can't afford to be. Trust me, I've told my father many times that it doesn't matter what he looks like as long as he attends Mass (though he does this because doesn't want to get dressed up and/or is finding excuses to not attend Mass). I completely understand that some people just can't for one reason or another, but that they wish they could. For those who can afford to look nice, and do dress up outside of Mass, I have to wonder why they don't make the effort to look nice when being in the house of God.

I've found some really surprising, and sad, excuses young women make for not dressing up for Mass. This is from my own research and questioning, I'm not saying these are the reasons for everyone. There are two reasons that make me cringe the most. First: "Why should I bother dressing up if there is no one to impress; there are no cute boys that attend Mass." Uh, seriously? I didn't know Mass was for trying to land yourself a boyfriend/husband. Oh wait... it's NOT! This brings me to the second reason: "It's just Mass. I showed up, isn't that enough? What's the big deal anyway?" *palmface* Oy.

Maybe the way I feel about this whole thing is because I was raised to always try to look nice when going to church, showing my respect for God. My dad (yes, you read that right) made sure I was always in a little dress, or at the very least a skirt, and dress shoes. If you've ever seen how Ali Landry dresses her daughter Estela, that's just how my parents had me dressed up until my tomboy side took over when dress pants became my thing. (I'm happy to report that I have since returned to wearing skirts to Mass, when it's not freezing cold.) Wearing these tube tops that young women have to constantly be pulling up so that they don't flash other parishioners... I mean, come on! Are you serious? If you can wear it to a club to draw attention to yourself, than it's more than likely not appropriate for Mass. That goes for mini-skirts, see-through blouses/shirts, extremely tight clothes, etc. Oh, and talking about things like bras during Mass, when you should be listening to the Homily, is also not appropriate. (Yes, last Sunday a young girl was talking about see-through shirts and bras during the Homily. She proceeded to also say that the Eucharist "tastes like nothing, like cardboard", among other things).

And while I'm on the topic of modest clothing and what modesty means, I'd like you to check out Modestia, A Maiden's Wreath, Maidens of Modesty (this one is not Catholic, but is Christian and run by one of my best friends). btw, A Maiden's Wreath had a book review on the fashion and modesty book "It's So You!" that I highly recommend.

For the record, and because I get asked this quite often, my definition of modesty varies from other people's. Some women say it's immodest to wear jeans and sleeveless shirt, and I don't. My motto is: If you can't wear something in front of a priest, or if you can't imagine yourself wearing in front of the Virgin Mary or Jesus Christ, then it shouldn't be worn. I don't think wearing jeans and sleeveless shirts (as long as they don't reveal too much skin) is inappropriate for every day life. As a self proclaimed girly tomboy, I fall somewhere between the Gap and Ann Taylor Loft. I love dressing up in dresses and skirts, and have a soft spot for vintage clothing from the 40s, but I'm also a big fan of jeans and tees when I'm just hanging out with my friends. I don't always wear heels (at 5'7" I'm good with flats) but I always try to look nice no matter what I wear. As for wearing spaghetti strap shirts, I do wear them but always paired with cardigan like this. I never wear anything too low cut, tight, or revealing. The last thing I want is to get attention from pervs. It's all about mixing and matching and doing it in a manner that's modest and cute. Definitely look at Modestia for more on that because Rebecca always finds some really good stuff and will always share with us girls.

Alright, I've rambled on as usual. lol. Sorry. All I can do is blame the writer in me. I have weeks worth of material that I want to write, and hope to eventually publish/post, but I can't say when just yet because school still has be busy as usual. That's what happens when you load yourself up with two Philosophy classes, a Speech argumentation course, and an English class. I do an exorbitant amount of reading per week. Anyway, before this gets any longer... I hope everyone has a great weekend! Thanks for reading, and for your emails. God Bless! :D

Ups and Downs; Taking Care of Dad, Round Three; Holy Week.

Boy, I've had two weeks of ups and downs. It's been mostly ups, though.Some of the downers have included not being able to give my pro-life/anti-abortion speech for my Ethics class. The professor said there wasn't time, which really ticked me off because a fellow female classmate gave a pro-choice/pro-abortion speech and I wasn't even given the opportunity to contradict what she said. I worked hard on that speech, too. Grr. One day...

Another downer was that, even though I was happy to have dad home, I wasn't happy over the fact that he was still in pain. He said he'd been in pain for days so he came home early to go to the doctor's. Yesterday the doctor told him he has liver problems... which explains his lack of appetite and pain in his lower back. Not only that, because he's had problems with doctors before, 3 different doctor's have refused to treat him. The oncologist he had reported him for missing appointments (two) and now if he (heaven forbid) gets cancer for a third time, we'll have a difficult time finding him another oncologist. That's just going to make me a stressed out loony because I already had a hard time the second time around.

Unfortunately, I had absolutely NO help from anyone except my mom when my dad was diagnosed with cancer the second time around. The first time hr had cancer my mom and eldest brother did all they could because I was still in high school. Even then, I burnt myself out to finish HS a year and a half early (13 classes in 3 months -- even went 51 straight hours without sleep to finish the last homework assignments), so that I could stay at home and help my dad when no one else was home. This second time around, I asked mom to take care of things financially while I took care of everything else. Looking for a bilingual oncologist, making sure dad got to his chemotherapy appointments, spending hours on the phone fighting Medicare and Medical twice when they threatened to stop his chemotherapy, staying at home to take care of him when he was really sick... and while I had a full load at school. I'm honestly surprised I didn't have some sort of breakdown. I think now you guys understand why my anxiety was horrible last year and the year before. I pray to God that dad doesn't have to suffer through something life threatening again. I don't care about the stress it causes me; I can do what needs to be done, it's not a problem. It's the least I could do for him, especially after all he's done for me my entire life. Anyway, this whole liver problems thing just reminded me of the last time they told him he had cancer. I ended up going up to the San Fernando Mission to see if I could find a prayer card of St. Erasmus, whom I'm told is the patron saint of liver illnesses, but sadly they didn't have any. Still, I'll keep looking and praying that it's something that can be taken care of as soon as possible.

It's weird. I went from being happy that dad was home, and was incredibly happy with the beautiful chapel veil he brought me from Mexico (pictures to come as soon as I get them uploaded), to being worried about him. I'm just going to keep an optimistic look on things and pray for the best.

Something fantastic that happened this week was that, in the midst of my choosing which university I'd transfer to, I received packages and letters from the Catholic college where I'm technically a student at... one of which included a $10,000 scholarship. Not only that, I was surprised that I'm going to receive A LOT in additional grants. When it's all added up, it'll cover over half of my tuition for the year... and it's renewable every year as long as I keep my GPA where it's at right now. It pays to be a nerd! lol. With this, and with me potentially staying at home to take care of my dad again, it's like a sign for me to stay here. The other school I was considering was in England, though I don't want to say which one it was because I don't want anyone giving me a hard time about not going there. I'm hoping to win a few more scholarships so I won't be too much in debt by the time I finish my degree. Ready or not, here I come... and I still won't budge on fighting to keep the school Catholic.

Oh, and did I mention that I totally kicked tush on my Philosophy of Ethics midterm exam? I got my blue book back on Wednesday with a huge red "A" at the top. :D I've passed all my midterm exams thus far. I won't know how I did on my other exams until after Spring Break. It can wait. :D I'm just happy all the cramming I did for my Ethics midterm, that wasn't on St. Thomas Aquinas, paid off. Whoo!

And to keep the happiness going before I end the post... who is looking forward to Holy Week? I certainly am! I'm happy to be able to go to confessions this Saturday (don't know why people complain about doing this), going to Palm Sunday early Sunday morning, and then celebrating Holy Week (including going to church on Holy Thursday) with my brand new chapel veil. That's right, I'm wearing it to the upcoming Masses and I don't care what anyone thinks. *snap* lol. :D I have MANY things planned during the week, which is why I might not post that often once again. It's all for a good cause though. :D

Okay, I've written too much... as usual. I'll try to write more often to make sure the posts don't get this long again. :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.
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"Catholic" Colleges; Haunted Dorms; Belated Music Monday.

Okay, so I originally started this post last Friday but due to insane amounts of homework and other things have prevented me from updating. Anyway, I have time now so...

I'm wondering how many people out there attend "Catholic" colleges and universities. Why did I use the quotation marks around the word Catholic? Simple. "Catholic" colleges were founded by/for Catholics but have strayed from the teachings of the Church. These schools usually have performances of the V-Monologues, birth control access on campus, gay/lesbian support groups and festivals, and other things. Though I have been a student at my particular college for nearly 2 years now, I have yet to actually attend it. Financial issues have prevented me from physically attending the school but I still consider myself a part of it. I still get emails from the college (to my student email account) about film screenings, volunteer work, and events happening at the college. All of it gets me excited about finally attending it this Fall (when I will finally be able to apply for the loan to pay for it myself). I was doing some research, because there is only so much you can find out from friends and from campus visits, and I found out two things that made me cringe. 1) It's held performances of the V-Monologues, and 2) they've had pro-choice/pro-abortion speakers at the graduation ceremonies. You can argue that since the school is compromised of about a 97% female student body, it would make sense that these types of things happen... except that it's a CATHOLIC school therefore those things shouldn't have taken place in the first place. I know they haven't performed the V-Monologues in about a year or two (or three), which I'm happy about. Still, I know that with other things, I will probably have issues with. I was considering applying elsewhere, maybe to a place like Thomas Aquinas College in Santa Paula, CA or Ave Maria University in Naples, FL... somewhere more faithful than where I'm at. I was really considering it until Andrew (from Per Fidem) sent me this quote:

"If you want your kids to defend their Faith send them to a public school, if you want them to lose their Faith send them to a Catholic School."
-- Archbishop Fulton Sheen

I'd actually started thinking about staying at my school, and fighting against any anti-Catholic activities that might take place, prior to getting the quote. Reading it only re-affirmed my decision to stick it out and do what I can to make sure it remains Catholic. I'm not much a fighter, and consider myself more of a pacifist (with occasional sarcasm, lol), but for this I would totally step up and say something. I know someone high in the ladder of administration thinks the school should be seen as "truth-seeking" instead of a "church"... which really bugs me because I know exactly what is meant by that. This person should listen to Bishop Martino about how "because it is a Catholic institution, it also has a responsibility to transmit Catholic teaching to its students in ways that are not ambiguous or confusing." I don't know just how much of a fight I have ahead of me but I welcome any challenge because it'll only make my faith stronger. I mean, students have fought against birth control being distributed on campus (with a positive result). More and more universities, such as Santa Clara University, have begun banning the V-Monolgues.

Oh yeah, and that whole thing about the dorms being haunted... uh, the scariest thing I've found on that campus is how slow the elevator in the Humanities building is. lol. We received an email, from the school's newspaper, asking for stories about haunting that have been going on on campus. Apparently, a ghost of a nun is seen walking through the halls of one dorm, and another ghost is seen in the elevator of another dorm... neither of which I am signing up for. Haha. That wasn't intentional either. I chose my dorm/apartment a year ago. :D I don't know what to make of it. I'm not a fan of supernatural things. Psychics? Don't believe 'em. One once told me that I'd be married with a child by my 23rd birthday. I haven't come close and my next birthday (the big 2-4) is a little under 3 months from now. :D Ghosts? Uh, I get enough fighting with them and demons in my nightmares, thanks. A friend said this was common is all schools? *shrugs* Thoughts? Comments? All are welcomed on this topic.

So, since I missed Music Monday yesterday (I was literally out from 6:30 a.m. until 6:15 p.m.) I have a belated video to share. The song is called "Typical" by Mute Math.



I LOVE Mute Math. Rumors are that they started out as a Christian Rock band but have asked that the label not be put on them. Knowing this and listening to their songs, especially "Chaos" you can see there are many ways you can interpret the songs. *shrugs* Even if they weren't, I'd love their music. :D

Alright, that's it for now. I hope to write another one tomorrow because I have some special requests I've been asked to write about... and I want to get those done as soon as I can. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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More Exciting News!; Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary.

Someone needs to pinch me! I've had a (nearly) dream week since last Monday... and it keeps on going. Today, after I came home from looking for a parish that had a Mass for today's Feast of the Immaculate Feast of the Blessed Virgin Mary (more on this a bit later), I got an e-mail from Positive Media Resources (the same producer of the movie "Bella" - squee!) congratulating me as their new intern. It will be home based internship (doing everything from my computer) because they are currently in Florida and I'm in Los Angeles, but still, VERY exciting! If you read my rant about the lack of good moral films (in July) you will know why I'm excited to do this. :D They are also doing a summer internship here (from their L.A. offices) so hopefully I will have enough experience by then to continue it. :D

So, along with this internship, I will also doing my assistant teaching at the local parish . Thank goodness my course load next semester is fairly light (because I'm done with the lower division requirements) so I can focus on these things.

What a wonderful week. First the call about becoming an T.A., then my mom surprising me with an iPod touch (though, this qualifies as a material thing), getting even more inspiration for the male protagonist of the novel/screenplay I'm working on from a very lovely English gentleman (who is the inspiration for Will's character), working on the novel, AND being caught up with my homework to the point where I could rest... I had a fantastic week. This one is shaping up to be grand as well! Oh yes, and I also received some prayer cards as well as the Pact pledge kit from Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati's official USA website at the end of last week. Uh... amazing week? YES!

I don't know what I did to deserve such wonderful blessings this past week (and I really think I honestly don't deserve everything that's happened) but I am very grateful! And I'm even more happy that this latest bit of good news has come on one of the most important Feast days!

I joined the Blue Movement that's been going around facebook. The Blue Movement is basically us Catholics pledging to wear the color blue (especially the color light blue) today, in honor of Our Mother's Immaculate Conception. I didn't have my light blue shirts clean (heehee, oops), so instead I wore a light blue scarf to class (and will wear it out when I go back out later today).

I tried my hardest to go to Mass today, since it's a day of obligation, but couldn't. :( First Mass (at the nearby Parish) was at 8:30 a.m. which I couldn't attend because my class starts at 9:35 a.m. and it's about a 20 minute drive to this particular campus. I was planning on attending the noon time Mass but my father vetoed the idea... which made me upset. When dad said we could finally go (*shakes head*) I said, we'll be there late... but I guess better late than never. So, we got to the parish... and the Mass had ended right as we were going to park. We drove to another parish and the early Masses had been over with very early. There ARE evening Masses, the last English Mass will be in a couple of hours, but there's absolutely no way I will be able to make it with my anxiety... especially the Spanish Masses. If you haven't been to a Spanish Mass in a big city like this... let's just say the word crowded doesn't even big to describe how it gets. People flood out the doors and are packed in like sardines. *sigh* Well, I tried. I tried and I even got upset when dad refused to take me (ah, the inconvenience of having someone drive you because you can't). And, okay, dad had a good reason for not taking me (I was feeling crummy/lightheaded as well as a bit anxious) but I would've totally "roughed it" and gone -- wonky feeling or not. *sigh* I tried, Blessed Mother... I tried.

Did I mention I also missed Mass yesterday (well, most of it) because of my anxiety? Oh yes. I went early in the morning to avoid arguments later in the day (because of all the soccer matches that dad watched during the day), and made it maybe 15 minutes because of my anxiety. We didn't even go to the parish where we normally go to because they don't offer an English Mass that early. *sigh* But, I can say that I tried to go and I made it through a little bit of it. You will not fully conquer me, anxiety! *pumps fist in the air* lol.

Alright, well, I have things to do so, I shall go do them. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Proud to be Catholic When No One Else Speaks Up.

I got back from my British Literature class a little while ago. We're starting to dive into some of the stories that are part of the Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer (I can already imagine some of you rolling your eyes, lol). Well, before we really dove into it the general prologue, she asked how many of us were Roman Catholics. Take a wild guess at who was the only one who raised their hand without hesitation. Yup, I was the only one. I spoke up too. I said "I'm Roman Catholic... and I'm proud!" I even pumped my fist up in the air for emphasis. lol. No one else spoke up. Well, no, the guy who sits next to me said he was born Catholic but I guess is a lapsed Catholic. If any of you read one of the last entries in August about when I was in the History of Religions class, the first day back, you'll remember I was the only one who spoke up and said "I'm Roman Catholic." (Side note: I also did the Sign of the Cross with my Rosary and kissed the Crucifix on it, out in the open, right before I entered the classroom).

All of that got me thinking... why are some young Catholics either ashamed of being Catholic or why do they just not acknowledge it? I know, personally, I used to hesitate to say that I was Catholic because of negative connotations that word has, especially in today's society. I just didn't want to deal with all the "stupid questions" (this is my mind frame at the time; I was away from the Church at this time) people wanted to ask so I just said I was Catholic and just stayed quiet. Now, since I no longer care what other people think and because I'm a stronger (spiritually) Catholic, I speak up. I acknowledge that I'm Catholic, and I always say that I'm proud because I am.

It makes me sad that I used to be one of those people who were silently Catholic amongst the masses. It makes me even sadder that there are still A LOT of young people who are that way. It's like you're denying the Lord, in a sense, because you're afraid to speak up and say that you believe in Him. Guess what... no one's gonna make you feel like crumbs if you speak up. No one's made me feel bad about being Catholic. Maybe it's because I live in such a diverse city (Los Angeles) and thus everyone's a little more open-minded. Maybe it's because people are much nicer than others believe. Or maybe I've just been lucky. I don't know. All I know is that it's not going to hurt to speak up once in a while. On the contrary, it'll make you feel spiritually stronger and you can bet you'll earn points with God because it's showing your love for Him and for your faith. :D

I believe that's all I'm going to write for now... and quite possibly for a few days. I'm still getting over my cold so my nauseousness is still present. Yuck. I'm also a week behind schedule so I'm going to play catch up (especially with my British Lit and Oceanography classes). Hope everyone is having a good week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D
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Re-evaluating Everything.

It's a bit frustrating to have all my plans up in the air. I had good plans a few weeks ago, then came exciting new plans. Those new plans brought out a side of me I never thought I'd see and it made me very uncomfortable. In the end, I don't know what I am going to do after all. As posted in the previous post, I was so excited about these new plans that had re-surfaced. I had it all planned out. I had a clear vision of it in my mind and I had started to do the research. I also noticed that as soon as I had accepted the newer plans, I had started to not care about certain (important!) things anymore. Worst of all, I started getting thoughts where I started questioning certain things I believed in. Once I realized that, I was thrown into a tailspin. I've been working really hard to get rid of the liberal side of myself (which has been hard as I've grown up surrounded by extremely liberal people) and this new thing had started pulling me back into that state of mind. It's incredibly stressful. On the one hand, I know I am capable of doing the project without compromising my beliefs and actually turning it into something positive. On the other hand, my biggest worry is that I'll be way too weak to actually pull it off and that I'll also do something I will later regret.

Of course, there's more to it. There were a lot of issues that were going to be a problem (which is what I was researching). Differences were going to make things a lot harder. Everything from dating issues (such as premarital sex -- being Catholic and being opposed to it while dating an Agnostic who puts a lot of emphasis on the physical aspect of the relationship) to political/social issues (one person being moderate when it comes to a lot of issues, the other being extremely liberal)... all of that makes life difficult. I was sincerely up for the challenge until I saw that it was going to pull me away from the Church. It might have been little things but even doubting those tiny things makes me extremely nervous.

If this makes no sense, I sincerely apologize. I was talking about working on a screenplay, but the thought of getting into the business and working with people who will try to change me just isn't my cup of tea. I've known (through school and friendships) people who do it for a living and I have absolutely no desire to go through what they do. So, I've axed those "dreams" and will continue writing my novel, as planned.

I had a very strange dream last night where I was asking for the Virgin Mary's help because I'd literally become someone who I didn't recognize. I looked in the mirror and noticed I was, physically, a different person. I remember that once I started praying and kept saying "Hail Mary" over and over, I slowly began looking like myself again. I actually saw myself physically transform back to what I actually look like. Then my father said something about my grandmother and praying for her because she was about to die (in real life, she passed away 3 years ago this March). He also mentioned praying to the Virgin Mary and praying 3 Hail Marys. When I woke up, I felt like I did before all these doubting thoughts came into my mind. I asked God for a sign last night (after this rather... odd... incident I had when I was by myself) as to what to do. After the incident and the dream, I know exactly what I will be doing during Lent (I was still going back and forth between giving up football matches and the internet). So, for Lent, I will be dedicating myself to praying more than I ever have and hopefully I'll get an answer as to what exactly I'm supposed to do with everything that's going on. Not just with the project but with almost everything in my life because everything is in question at the moment.

Alright, well, I am exhausted for some reason (I feel like I haven't slept even though I have) so I will go take a nap and then get back to answer e-mails and comments on facebook. I originally had a post about football (and footballers) planned but it can wait until tomorrow. Liverpool's playing so it'll give me more to write about... especially if they don't screw it up again. lol. Bring on international break!

Anyhoo, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Anxiety, Mass and Childhood Friends.

Wow, what an incredibly hectic week I've had. I haven't been able to blog in nearly a week because of everything that's been going on. I don't even know where to begin.

Well, on Monday (which was a holiday here in the States) I ended up in the E.R. because of a massive panic attack I got. Hyperventilating, lightheaded, chest pains, crying -- the whole thing. I'd never gotten one as intense as it before. The best way I can describe it is feeling like I was going to go nuts. Panic attacks don't usually last more than 15 minutes but I somehow got about 2 - 3 in the space of about an hour (and in the middle of the Liverpool v Aston Villa game) so my mom worried and I was taken to the E.R. I spent about 9 hours there before I was released and basically, they already told me what I know... everything that happened last year has begun to surface and I've been feeling extremely anxious because of it. I was relieved to hear that I'm not going crazy and that I am in fact physically healthy. It just sucks to know that it's going to take a couple of weeks to start kicking the anxiety out of my system. Luckily, I'm taking the semester off so I can work on that before I go off to my new school.

And speaking of my new school -- apparently that is a HUGE source of my anxiety, which I never even considered. I've felt okay with the whole thing but apparently it's a bigger stressor than I had realized. Luckily, I've found these lovely counselors that are willing to work with me at a university nearby (and for dirty cheap -- compared to other places -- because I'm a college student) so I'm on the right path to getting better. I am going to have to postpone writing my book, or at least parts of it, for a while because I can't deal with additional stress until I start my therapy sessions.

You know... it's VERY common for people in this part of Southern California to have counselors, therapists and/or psychiatrists. In fact, there's a running joke that everyone and their dog has one. lol. It's very true though. I live in a very drama-filled city so I can see how that "joke" started. In my case, having to deal with my father's cancer (for the second time in 5 years), just coming off illness myself, having to plan my moving away from home, going through the transfer application process, having a heavy courseload (and I do mean HEAVY), and trying to keep this family together... NOT a walk in the park. Oh and I had the absolute worst summer (I took two 5-week courses, with professors who were partially insane, that were super intense) so... yeah. And, actually, this is the first time I've had vacation in a year. I was in school all of '07 (winter and summer included). Everyone who's had to help their parents out with major responsibilities and/or have had way too much on their plate because of things that have come up -- I completely for you and I know how difficult it is. I don't know how some people are able to cope with all of that but power to ya!

I'm very lucky that I know why I'm going through what I'm going and that I'll be able to work on it to get better again. Like the doctor said, I should be thankful that I'm not depressed (I'm a little too happy and joke around too much to be depressed, lol) and I have a great support system in my parents and my best friends. I know I'll be fine; I just need to really work on it and remember that I've dealt with worse things which I was able to overcome. I'm definitely going to be praying a little more than I was, spending a little extra time asking St. Dymphna for her intercession. As I always say, God never throws anything your way that you can't handle.

I was proud of two things while I was at the hospital -- 1) I was able to bring comfort to an older woman and 2) I was able to make people laugh. While we were in the E.R., I befriended this older lady who was maybe in her 80s. She was fine for a while until she started worrying about her surgery. I asked her if she was Catholic and she said she was. I gave her the St. Jude prayer card I had with me. She read it and then wanted to give it back to me but I told her to keep it so she'd have it as a source of comfort. Her daughter saw what I'd done and she thanked me, telling me that they were actually devotees of his. After that, the older woman seemed in better spirits, which made me so happy! That's all I would ever want -- to cheer up someone who was feeling down, despite how I am feeling. I was very happy I was able to make some of the other people laugh too. Apparently, no matter how much pain or how miserable I may be, I can still manage to make people laugh. I hope I never lose that ability.

Okay, I have said enough about what happened on Monday, which I want to put behind me. I ended up missing mass on Sunday AND Monday which makes me very unhappy! I felt icky on Sunday morning but when I was ready on Sunday afternoon-evening, dad had start getting sick so... I had to stay home. It's all a conspiracy to keep me from mass but, pfft, next Sunday I will be there! I HATE missing mass. I don't feel right... and I am perfectly aware it's a mortal sin (although I know it's not as bad if I miss it because I'm sick or because I have to stay home to take care of my dad). Bah! It's back to confession for me on Saturday, too (for missing mass). If anyone ever wonders why I seem to go to confessions almost every week, it's usually because I miss mass due to circumstances beyond my control. That and Liverpool games make me say mean things about refs who don't do their job properly. lol. Bah humbug! Oh wait... that's a Christmas-y saying, isn't it? lol. Well, you get what I mean. :D

Ooh, this is something interesting that happened last night/this morning. I had the most RANDOM dream about this guy I went to school with... when I was 5 - 11 years old! We were friends all through elementary school and when we went off to junior high, that was it. But it was so WEIRD to have a dream about him. Never in a million year would I have thought of him if I had not had that dream. I think I still have some pictures from when we were kids but I'd have to check. Anyway, I wonder why I had the dream... and it's made me very curious to know what he and his sister (who was also a friend of mine) are up to.

I still keep in touch with childhood friends but most everyone has lost track of everyone else. I find it funny that out of the friends I've known since ages 4 - 11, (that I still keep in touch with) only 3 of them are girls and only because my parents see their parents so we send each other hellos and messages through them. All the rest of them, the ones I personally talk to, are guys. The friend I have known the longest still comes and visits when he's in the area. We've known each other since I was 4 and he was 5. I also still keep in touch with my childhood sweetheart (my first 'boyfriend' who I've known since we were 5 years old), as well. He's off in the Navy so I pray that he gets back home soon to because I'm sure his wife misses him terribly. Thinking about it, it's so WEIRD to think that most of my childhood friends are married, with kids or engaged. Only one of the guys and I are still single. I know it's part of growing up but it's just funny because everyone thought I'd be the first to get married and have kids and I'm the last one. lol. I'm serious. Being the hopeless romantic, everyone pretty much bet I would be the first to marry (and as young as 17). I should've bet a lot of money that I would be the last. lol. While I do have someone I care about, everyone's gonna have to wait quite a while longer before they have my (potential) wedding as an excuse to have a reunion. :D

Yikes, I've written way too much. Sorry, I'm just making up for the last 5 days. Hopefully this will be the longest entry I'll ever write. I will go back to my shorter entries next time. :D

Anyhoo, if you've made it this far... have an imaginary cookie or go get yourself a real one as a reward. If you know me personally, come over and I'll make you cookies. :D lol. Thanks for reading and God Bless.

Spring Weather, Chemo News and Childhood (Nun) Dreams.

Today we had BEAUTIFUL Spring weather... in winter. lol. You have to love Southern California weather! It's been warm (but very windy) the past couple of days but today was the perfect combination of cool breezy wind, warmth, sun, and a cloudless blue sky. It's making me wish it was Spring already... and not just because my birthday's in Spring. lol. I am so happy my alarm didn't go off yesterday forcing to do run some errands today. I felt very happy driving around the city, the sun making me feel warm and slighty fuzzy (haha). I hope tomorrow we get a similar day because I'm going to be out quite a bit again. *happy sigh* I love this kind of weather... even though it gets freezing as soon as the sun goes down. lol. :D

I am VERY excited that both my dad and one of my best girl friends are almost done with their chemo! WHOO! Dad has about 7 milligrams of cancer left in his system (it'd spread to his lungs and also pancrease, I think -- I really didn't know it had spread until recently) so he's almost out. My friend also has her last chemo soon! All I have to say is THANK GOD! Thank God and thanks to everyone who prayed for my dad's recovery!! Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much!! *relieved* Now, I'm even more determined to keep all the promises I made for my dad's recovery.

I was talking with my mom today and I asked her if I wanted to be a nun when I was little (I have a faint memory of me saying I did). She said I kept saying that when I grew up I was going to be a nun and that was that. lol. I also brought up this topic with one of my best friends -- about how I haven't completely ruled out this vocation. While I very much want to have a family (a baby or two and a caring, Catholic -- must be Catholic! -- husband) it doesn't necessarily mean it'll happen. Though I have yet to really research and look into the vocation, I've always liked the idea of being a nun. Again (and to sound slight broken record-ish), I want a family but will always have it in the back of my mind if things don't work out for me... that is, if after I research it, and after I get done with my Religion Studies bachelor's degree, I still think it would be a good step for me.

Okay, well, I hate to make this blog uber short (and wait a bit longer to write about my plans/news) but I was supposed to be in bed an hour ago (haha, oops!). I am going to morning confessions because I'll be busy during the afternoon and evening... and thus, I need to sleep early for my busy day. For now... thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

The Daily Breakfast; Hours at Clinic = Sheer Boredom.

I actually woke up late to go to the first clinic so, meh, will have to go tomorrow. Totally not my fault -- my alarm just didn't go off and without it, I sleep through almost anything. lol. Since I woke up late and didn't have my doctor's appointment at the other clinic (both are for different things) until 2 p.m., I got online and watched Fr. Roderick do a live recording of The Daily Breakfast on uStream. It was a lot of fun to watch, and participate, in the pre-recording of it. We get a chance to interact with other fans, and with Fr. Roderick, by using the chatroom. I got a kick when he mentioned a few things I typed into the chatroom. Oh, the technology! A few years ago that wouldn't have been possible but with technology now, almost anything is possible. :D Anyhoo, if you haven't checked out one of this podcasts, I would definitely recommend it. I'm subscribed to a few on iTunes so I never miss an episode (which are made on an almost daily basis). You can check out all different types of Catholic related podcasts he and others make at SQPN.

Moving from something awesome to something that's pretty awesome but freaking boring... I did make it to my second doctor's appointment but I was there from 1:50 p.m. and I didn't get home until a few minutes 'til 7 p.m. *hits forehead with palm* It was sooooo boring towards the end. It was awesome for the first hour because the doctor deemed me (besides the cold... yes, it's a cold like I suspected) completely healthy. I'm even back at my normal weight from before I got sick so... whoo. Haha. I do feel dizzy and all but she says it's still because of the stress and anxiety I had last year. Meh! That is why I'm going to the other clinic tomorrow -- because they specialize in stress and anxiety issues. Hopefully I won't have to wait hours like I did at today's clinic. Anyway, waiting in line just to get medication was a pain in my tush! It's worth it but, oy! At least I did manage to make some people laugh in line. :D Oh yes, I was back to my old dorky self and I made quite a few people laugh. Apparently I'm witty. *shrugs* I made two little kids giggle too, which always makes my day. Little kids laughing has to be one of the sweetest things you'll ever experience. :D Oh, and something that I managed to do... I found out who was Catholic simply by saying I was going to get home and ask St. Anthony to help me find a paper I need. The few people who laughed totally got what I meant (St. Anthony is the patron saint of lost things). Whoo! lol.

Another bummer thing... I KNEW I was going to miss the postman who was bringing me a book I ordered on Catholicism. I KNEW IT! I told my dad early in the morning, "With my luck, I'll have to go to the post office tomorrow to pick it up because I won't be home to receive it." And that is exactly what happened. I did get a Netflix movie (6 HOURS and 4 minutes -- yikes!) on the life and work of St. Teresa of Avila but no book. Hmph. Well, at least I got something. Still, I love getting mail so having to wait longer... not so good. lol.

I have a lot more to write -- including big plans/news I'm going to unleash into the world this weekend -- but it'll all have to wait until I am feeling better. I feel fine... just sooo sleepy (I've only slept a few hours in the past 48 hours), my eyelids are about to close. So, I'm going to snuggle up with my pillow and blanket and hope to have one of those awesome saint dreams. For now... thanks for reading and God Bless.

Puppy, Annual "Clean-a-thon", and Miracles.

Well, the coldness continues but thankfully dad's feeling much better. He tried to go outside a few hours ago, to check the mailbox, but I wrestled the keys out of his hands. No, really, I grabbed one end of the keys and he had the other and I managed to get them from him. It was kinda funny because I also grabbed the spare key before he could even remember where it was and I then let out a Nelson (from "the Simpsons") style "Ha Ha" which made my parents laugh. I ended up going to check the mail... with my pajamas, a hoodie and my peacoat over my hoodie. Yes, it was that cold.

Christmas might've officially been 2 days ago but it still feels like it. Today I got one of the best presents I received this year, a little stuff puppy. I ended up naming him... drum roll, please... Puppy. Yes, very creative, aren't I? He's the cutest little thing and the closest thing to a pet I'll ever have.



Besides that little cutie, nothing much going on with me. Well, nothing except my big annual "Clean-a-thon". Every year, two days after Christmas, I start going through everything I own (I mean, EVERYTHING) and I throw away or donate whatever I didn't use or no longer need. I usually throw away things such as schoolwork that's piled up through the year, things I thought I was going to use this year but didn't, etc. I donate books or clothing I was given but didn't use. Since I was in school this entire year (I didn't even get summer vacation), I have a slew of paperwork that is useless. I have a feeling I won't be throwing out much this year, so it'll hopefully take me a day or two to go through everything and clean everything properly. I am hoping it won't take me 4 days like it did last year. My aim, like it is every year, is to finish by the 31st. I'm a minimalist so I like to start off each year with only the basic things I do need/want.

One of the things I hope to do while I do my clean-a-thon is try to fix the statues and framed pictures we have around the house. As promised in my blog yesterday, I am going to post a picture of the little statue we have of the Santo Niño de Atocha. I had totally forgotten that we had it in storage because it had been pretty battered during the '94 Northridge Earthquake and it was out for a few years longer before we decided to store and later fix it up... which is what I intend to do someday soon. And, I actually have a little story about the statue of Santo Niño de Atocha and one of St. Jude Thaddeus, so gather 'round, kids.

This story takes place in mid-January 1994. I was about 8 years old at the time and I'd never experienced a real big earthquake before. In the wee hours of the morning, I somehow woke up, out of the blue, and it took me a bit to get back to sleep. After I'd finally gotten back to sleep, I felt my dad picking me up from my bed, very abruptly and I opened my eyes to see (and feel) everything shaking violently. Things were falling off the walls, glasses and china was breaking everywhere... if you've ever experienced an earthquake, you know what I'm talking about. Since this earthquake was a really big one, the lights went out almost immediately after the intense aftershocks started. I did not know what was going on. All I knew was that I had to stay under the doorframe (or is it doorway?). I don't remember too many details about what happened during the shaking except that the statue of St. Jude fell as soon as we (my parents and I) reached the doorway and were safe from anything falling on us. I won't write much more about what happened during the earthquake because the images are still pretty vivid (and it's been nearly 14 years since) and it would take me a long time to write it out.

Anyhoo, I was talking to my mom about the statue of Santo Niño de Atocha and one of the St. Jude statues in my room. I knew they'd fallen during the earthquake -- they're still chipped -- and I very faintly remember (or think I remember) St. Jude's statue falling as soon as we got under the doorway and my mom confirmed it. Apparently, while all other things were falling around us there are three things that didn't fall: the statue of Santo Niño, the statue of St. Jude and the big framed picture of Our Lady of Guadalupe which was up on my bedroom wall. Now, the earthquake was a 6.7 on the richter scale, it was pretty intense. Windows shattered just by the shaking, yet the picture did not fall or get hurt in any way. It was like a miracle. We count them as little miracles we experienced that day. My mom says they (saints and Our Lady) were all looking out for us. Thankfully, we managed to get out of the building, in between aftershocks, without getting hurt and all we suffered was property damage. We haven't experienced an earthquake that intense since, thank God, but every time we have experienced smaller earthquake (and/or aftershocks from nearby earthquakes) my mom grabs the St. Jude statues without even thinking about it. My dad grabs the statue of Our Lady and my mom grabs St. Jude... if I don't get to him before she does.

Those were my little stories involving the statues so I think it would be appropriate to post the pictures now. You'll be able to see the chips I was talking about.

Santo Niño de Atocha


That's my wonderful grandmother in the picture frame behind him. I thought it was cool that her picture ended up in this picture because one of my favorite memories was her going to Plateros with us. (See yesterday's blog for more about that).

St. Jude


I only did a close up of him so you can see some of the chips he got when he fell off the counter.

Since I will be cleaning most of tomorrow, or at least hope to, there probably won't be much for me to write. Maybe I'll write about why my patron saints are my patron saints. There's any idea.

If you've made it this far, congrats! Have an imaginary cookie to celebrate. Not everyone can get through an entire post. lol. Anyhoo, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Chemo + Cold = Bad, LFC Wins & My First Favorite Saint.

It is very cold today and has been freezing (but remember that my definition of freezing might be different from yours) all day. I just got up for a long nap and getting up from my warm bed took me some time to actually do. Normally I like this weather and will drink tea or eat something warm to make me feel better but this year I'm not too happy with the cold. The person who, unfortunately, suffers from the cold weather more than anyone in my family is my father because of his chemotherapy.

Okay, moving away from a somewhat touchy subject... as you will see, I am a massive Liverpool FC fanatic and have been for quite some time. Sometimes I have to get up in the wee hours of the morning because they're on GMT (U.K.) time and I'm on PST time. Today they played against Derby. Normally I wouldn't have minded losing a little sleep but I ended up going to sleep at 2 in the morning and I slept less than 5 hours before I was up again. Needless to say, I was not a happy camper this morning. lol. The game was alright. The first half was great. Liverpool was on their game and that goal from Torres was pretty sweet. Second half, aysh... where did my Red men go? They were giving away the ball too much, some players were just... *shakes head*. When Derby scored a goal and tied with Liverpool, I was kind of bummed out but not really surprised. When Gerrard came close to scoring a goal, but missed, I definitely yelled pretty loudly. lol. Steve Gerrard, Gerrard... this man can kick a ball forty yards (or so the song goes). What did I do next time Gerrard was shown on TV? I did the sign of the cross. What happened 2-3 minutes later? He scored the winning goal which caused me to yell out very loudly at nearly 9 in the morning. Good morning, neighbors. lol. Though I am pleased that they got the full 3 points, I wasn't too happy with most of the second half performance. Hopefully they'll work on it for the next match against Manchester City this weekend.

From my favorite Red men to my first favorite saint... Santo Niño de Atocha (Child Jesus). Being of Mexican and Spanish descent, he has been in our household since I can remember. For those of you who don't know who the Santo Niño is... He first appeared in a Spanish town called Atocha. Muslims were taking Christians prisoners in the little town during the 13th century. The prisoners who were devoted to Catholicism were denied food by the Muslims. Soon, little kids (under the age of 12) were able to take prisoners food. Since the women of Atocha knew the majority of the prisoners wouldn't survive the starvation, they prayed to Our Lady of Atocha, asking her to ask her Son for help. Soon after, there were reports of a little boy (dressed in pilgrim clothing) taking food to prisoners who didn't have any children of their own. When the women heard about this, they went to thank Our Lady of Atocha for answering their prayers. When they looked at at the statue of Our Lady, they noticed that the Child Jesus she had in her arms had his shoes very worn and dirty. They replaced his shoes but when they went back to check, they were once again tattered and dusty. They took it as a sign that the Child Jesus was helping the prisoners stay alive. It didn't just end there, either. In other Spanish towns, people would report a young boy in pilgrim clothing bringing travellers their food and anything else they needed to survive. He would travel with them until they were out of danger, and would also guide them to the safest roads. That is how El Santo Niño came to be.

There are two stories about him that take place in Mexico, too. One was of these miners, working on building a town called Fresnillo, who saw a mule coming from the West. They decided to take the crate off the mule but as soon as they did that, the mule ran away. When the miners opened the crate, they saw a silver crucified Christ, but without the cross. Immediately, a church was ordered to be built in a new town close by and it was named Plateros after the silver Christ found. (Spanish lesson: The Spanish word of silver is plata... hence naming the town Plateros.) After it was done, they ordered the image of Our Lady of Atocha to be shipped from Atocha, Spain to Mexico. The statue, along with the silver Christ, has been in the church since then.

The second story: Frensillo became a town for the Spanish miners, who had gone to Mexico, and their families. Within the first weeks of the silver mines being opened, there was a big explosion and the miners were stuck. Their wives went to the church to pray to Our Lady of Atocha. At the same time, a child appeared in the mine and gave the miners water before leading them out of danger. Since then every time there was a problem in the mine, the child would appear and help whoever was in need. Every time this happened, the Child Jesus' clothing were dirty and had little holes on them. It wasn't long before they took him and put him in a little glass case for everyone to see and pray to. He has since been the symbol of the Mexican state of Zacatecas and of miners everywhere.

I was actually very lucky to have visited him (the original statue) when I was about 11 years old (give or take a year or two). The church looks very humble which makes it even more stunning. I went with my parents and my paternal grandmother (may God rest her soul) to Fresnillo and Plateros as part of our vacation. I was happy but very tired because of the bus ride to and from Fresnillo. My grandmother, who was one of the most amazing women I've ever known, lived in a town a few hours from Fresnillo but she still made the trip with us. Unfortunately, I don't remember much of the trip because it's been about 12 years since the trip but I do remember feeling very excited and happy... and I still have the items my grandmother bought for us while we were there. I hope to go back to Fresnillo some day soon. I'll be the first to admit that I don't like going to Mexico because I always seem to get food poisoning or some sort of stomach virus when I'm out there (the foods are quite different from the ones in the U.S.) but I'd be willing to have a tummy ache or two if it meant seeing the Santo Niño again. And for those who want a little more background on him, and see two pictures of the church, here is the link to it. Hopefully I can get a picture of the statue I have of him up later on today (it is now a minute after midnight).

And with that, I conclude my blog for now. I'm still tired, booh, but I have to wait to sleep because I ate not too long ago and I don't like going to sleep with my stomach full. I think I'll try to work on the template for this blog so that it's not too plain. Okay, well, for now... thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

And the journey begins.

On this beautiful Christmas Day... and it is still Christmas in California... I have decided to start a blog to chronicle the beginning of Catholic education. See, I'm a cradle Catholic. I was baptized as a baby, did my first communion at the age of 9 and had my confirmation at 13 (I did it in Mexico so that explains why I was so young and why I have no confirmation name). Though I grew up going to mass and praying when I could, somewhere around my mid to late teens I somehow lost my way. I stopped going to mass and prayed very sporadically. I did some things I wish I had never done but nothing too terrible. I'm always been a "good girl" but had some misguided moments. How I never drank, nor did drugs, nor partied is a miracle... especially with the people who surrounded me in the city of Angels. I entered my 20s a little more mature but I still struggled to get back to the Church.

It, unfortunately... yet fortunately, took illness to get me back and I'm grateful for it. I am now 22 years old and I feel as though my life is finally going to truly begin. I've switched my major from English Literature with a minor in Religious Studies to a major in Religious Studies with a minor in English. I thought about the switch before I made it and I feel like it was the right choice. I love the Church and I am going to try to learn everything I can about it. I have this feeling that this is what I need to do so I will do it.

As you might've guess, I love writing. In fact, I have plans to write about my experiences and hope to show younger kids and teens that it is possible to stay away from all those temptations that are out there. For now, I will write in this blog and hope to either inspire people who have drifted from the Church to get back to it or to simply show people the journey of one girl towards a better understand of the Church as I live my life. There are no guarantees that I won't make a mistake or two along the way, but I will learn and I am willing to share my experiences with whomever wants to read about them.

And so the journey of a Catholic Nerd Writer begins.