The Reason Why I Don't Always Post What I Want

No, the title is not click bait. I'm going to tell you exactly why I don't always post what I want and why some things never make it out of the "drafts" folder. Before I get into that, though, I'll give a little update on what's been going on with me. I promise it's all connected.

As most of you know, my big brother came to visit us from Texas for the week. It was great to see him and we had fun on our adventures (seriously still recovering from all those times we went out) but I don't think I've ever gotten so much out of one of his visits before.

He was not happy to see me so thin. In fact, his parting words to me were "you can do it! Get healthier. Gain some weight. You can do it!" (side note: yes, he said it twice.) Thankfully he didn't even see me at my thinnest. I am slowly gaining weight and getting healthier. My energy levels have risen significantly since I've started implementing some of the things I came up with to combat SAD as well as eliminated wheat from my diet. While I tested negative for a gluten allergy we've noticed that after eating wheat I'm physically and mentally drained. I've decided that, unless it's an emergency or it's the Eucharist, I'll be eliminating it from my diet. Receiving the Eucharist doesn't physical drain me; I've already tried it. :) So I'm making great strides there.

My stress levels are practically nonexistent. I think having my bro here also helped since he made sure I wasn't at home if he could help it. I didn't even stress or have any anxiety during rush hour traffic through Hollywood. Yeah, it's quite miraculous. lol. The great thing about him is that he's like my personal cheerleader. If he sees me start to doubt myself, he begins saying "you can do it. Don't have a care about it; just do it!"

This weekend I've been thinking about his words "you can do it! Don't have a care about it; just do it!" I had written a blog post yesterday but I didn't post it because I was worried about what others might've thought about the topic. My brother's words kept replaying until I went "well, darn it... it's my blog. Why am I so worried about what I write?" Hello realization that I don't always post what I want out of fear of what others think... especially when it comes to the faith.

I'm just gonna say it: I don't always post what I want because I've been accused of being "too pious" and/or too religious. I've become very self-conscious about what I share, not only on my blog and social media but also in person and with friends, because of the comments and eye rolls. I didn't say or write things to seem pious; I said and wrote them because that's what I felt and that's what I felt compelled to share. These days, I feel like I almost have to hide that part of myself because of what others say, which is incredibly silly of me to do but that people pleasing side of myself occasionally slips back into that terrible habit.

That's the thing though -- my faith is, by far, the biggest thing in my life. I've chosen to make God my main focus. I may not always share it and I'll fail at times but it's always there. The realization that I've hidden it out of fear of other's comments has made me very sad yet very determined to shed that fear. I don't need that in my life. I'm doing a disservice to God in keeping my love for Him to myself.

Yeah... you guys may not like the kinds of posts I will start posting in the upcoming weeks but, well, that's going to be the new normal. I'm sorry. What I'm going to write is what I think and what I feel. If you don't think or feel the same way, that's totally fine. I'm not here to judge anyone or anything but my own actions. You can disagree with me. You can say things to make me feel bad about my "ridiculous piety." Though I'm admittedly a sensitive person, I'm going to prepare myself for the comments and turn the other cheek. I'm not going to fight it. I'm sorry but I just can't keep doing it. Very curious that I got St. Rose of Lima as my patron saint for the year in Jen Fulwiler's random saint name generator last month. ;)

Anyway, I just needed to get this off my chest. Talking and/or writing things out helps me process things and also gives me an incentive to go through with the plans so... there you go.

I'm really enjoying my time away from social media with all the eBooks and audiobooks that I've been checking out of the Los Angeles Public Library so I'm going to start one of the two new books I got today. :)

I hope y'all had a great weekend and that you have a wonderful week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Messes and Brothers and Podcasts! Oh My!

Messes. Messes everywhere. I'm itching to get them cleaned up but I'll blog first because I don't know when I'll have time to write (or even read!) again.

If you've been following me on Twitter, you know that we had new carpet installed in our entire apartment last Friday. Thank goodness! Our carpet was about 15 years old and we were having major allergy problems with it, not to mention that the nails were starting to poke out. We started moving things on Thursday morning because it was scheduled to be done on that day but they ran out of time. Anyway, moving everything and having the old carpet ripped out meant that I had to disconnect the wifi since the cable modem is set up in the living room and can't be moved from that specific area. Yes, I was technically internet-free (at least via the laptop and iPod touch) for a while. It was quite liberating. I actually kept things unplugged for hours longer than necessary. I had my basic internet needs met by my phone and even then I didn't use it too much. It was great. That's part of the reason why I haven't blogged lately. That and...

My brother is visiting for the week! Hooray! He arrived on Saturday night. I was supposed to get my car back in time to pick him up from the airport that day. Nope. I called the mechanic (I kid you not) about 25 times all day trying to get a hold of him so I could get my car on time. At around noon he promised he would have it done before 7 p.m. Nada. He didn't call me back until around 9 p.m. (while I was arriving at the airport in my neighbor's van) telling me that he had the wrong power steer part and that he'd have my car ready for Monday night. Guess who still doesn't have her car back on Tuesday afternoon. Yep, still me. Thankfully my downstairs neighbor was kind enough to drive us to the airport to pick my bro up and then broski rented a car for the week (which I wish I could've prevented with the use of my own car) so we're set until this weekend when he goes back home.

Having my brother here has been great! We missed him terribly. I've been out of the house every day (except today) that he's been here which has been great but draining. I'm pretty sure his extrovert nature doesn't get that my introvert nature needs to recharge after days of going out. We've been to various parts of the city and county over the last couple of days. All that traffic. All those people. If I didn't have to wait for a call back from the city inspector (because they still haven't finished my bathroom; it's been 3 months now) nor had to take care of stuff here, I would've probably gone with him elsewhere today.

I'll be honest and say that I'm grateful to have the excuse to stay home today because I'm exhausted. He's an extrovert and bounces back quickly. I don't. I need my "give me a few hours to myself" time. lol. I'll be okay in a couple of hours, I'm sure. I felt bad not going with him on his mini road trip but, seriously, I need to recharge.

That's been my life in the last couple of days: messes from the carpet installation and hanging out with my brother. There's one more thing: this is not the official announcement but I'm toying with the idea of keeping a weekly Spanish-language Catholic podcast. The idea of a podcast has been presented to me by several people over the years but it never seemed like the right move or the right time for me. However, after searching for some podcasts for my mom, I noticed the need for them. Since my Spanish-language blog idea didn't get past the initial posts (I simply spread myself thin during a time when life was too crazy), a podcast seemed like the next logical step.

The yet-to-be-named podcast will follow the same idea as the Spanish-language blog only it will be in audio form so I don't get overwhelmed with too much writing when I return to school in April. There's something about hearing the tone of a person's voice instead of just imagining it in your head that makes a big difference in trying to get certain messages across; there's no guessing or miscommunication. I'm not a fan of my speaking voice -- especially in Spanish because I apparently have no identifiable accent -- but it's something I really want to do. Again, this is not an official announcement until the details get worked out but, God willing, I will have something by sometime next month. This month is all about my brother's visit and trying to get a few loose ends taken care of before I put my time and effort into something else. I'll be praying for guidance between now and then. :)

Anyway, this was just a little (ha!) update from me. Not sure when my mom and/or brother are getting home so I'm going to crank up my favorite tunes and get some work done while I have the house to myself. :D

I hope y'all are having a good start of week!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D