I'm Letting Him "Court" Me: Where I am in My Vocation Discernment

"Let him court you," was the phrase that popped up in my mind after nighttime prayers this past Wednesday.  "Let Jesus court you."

I started. I was putting my Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary on my bedside table and I laughed uncomfortably. "Wait, what? *awkward giggle* How can Jesus 'court' me? What does that even mean?!" I was confused as to why such a phrase would pop up in my mind. I'm still confused as to what that phrase means.

Before the New Year began, I made peace with the idea that God may be calling me to stay single. As much as my heart desires marriage and a family, I've resigned myself to God's will. If it's His will that I stay single for the rest of my life, I'm not going to fight it.

I certainly made efforts to get out there and meet people last year. It was... not fun. I didn't meet anyone I could potentially see as more than a friend. There were too many yellow and red flags. I even went on Catholic Match for a couple of weeks and was reminded of why I hate (yes, hate) online dating sites. I'm not calling it quits because of that but I have finally accepted that perhaps I'm just not meant to marry.

Does it stink? Tremendously. Am I still willing to meet more guys and date/court? Of course. I'm not closing myself off to the possibility... but I've decided to live my life as if I am going to stay single.

What does that mean? For me, it means actively pursuing my lay Benedictine oblate discernment (side note: I'm still waiting to hear back from a specific monastery). I'm no longer going to play the "what if I can't make it to an annual retreat in a couple of years because I'll have a family?" game. I'm not guaranteed a husband and/or children. However, the Benedictine lifestyle and spiritually has been wonderful for the state of my soul and spiritual life. If I am blessed with a husband and/or children in the future, I'll figure it out then.

It means planning my time and money towards things I may need as a single laywoman -- my own emergency fund, getting rid of my only debt (student loans for 3 degrees), and making sure I can take care of myself if I need to.

It means doing what I can to make sure I stay on the proper path that will lead me closer to God.

Perhaps that's what "let Jesus court you" means. Maybe it means living my life in a way that follows Christ radically (for our day and age); in a way that allows me to unreservedly give my whole heart and life to God. Perhaps letting Jesus "court" me means that I need to let go of the little apprehensions that stem from fear and lack of trust and let him guide me with the rest of my vocation discernment.

I'm also open to the possibility that "let Jesus court you" means that I'm called to become his bride as a consecrated virgin. I've discerned enough to know that the religious life isn't for me -- and I'm also too old to enter the order I would've loved to have joined if it were my vocation. If I'm called to this, it'll be a new adventure but one I'm prepared to embark on. I will certainly be in good company.

My mother -- like most parents of only children -- doesn't seem to keen on the idea that there's a possibility that I won't marry; that I won't give her at least one grandchild. However, I've entered a season of my life where, despite the love I have for her, my sole goal to is to do God's will... even if it goes against she and/or I want.

Perhaps the phrase was just a fluke; a random phrase that popped up in my head that has no actual significance. Who knows. All I know is that whatever God has in store for me, I made it my (only) resolution to continue abandoning my selfish will to His. Last year He showed me that the decision I made to abandon myself to His Divine Providence was the best decision I ever made. This year, I want to go a little further and let go of the little things I was (and, honestly, still am) afraid to let go of.

Please say a prayer for me as I start this new adventure... because it feels like a new adventure. This all feels like the start of one of the greatest and most thrilling things God will have in store for me.

Alright, Jesus... take the lead. Everyone else. welcome on the journey!

Is It Wrong to Find the Good in the Bad?

Hello, everyone! I hope you all had a lovely weekend. :)

So, this post had been sitting in my drafts inbox for months. Months. Like, mid-summer. I didn't have time to finish it... until now when I decided to give myself rare day off from studying and write three blog posts (the one posted on the day before Thanksgiving Day, the one posted on Thanksgiving Day, and this one). As you might've guessed from the title, this one is going to have a question for y'all at the end. ;)

I tend to look for the good in the bad. It's just how I am and have been since I was a little girl. Sometimes this can backfire as it exposes me to other dangers and it can make me miss a lot of red flags but, overall, it's been a good trait to have.

I have two guilty pleasure movies: Mona Lisa Smile and Gidget... and people wonder why, especially when they get to know me a little better.

Why do these choices surprise people? Because of the content in the movies.

Spoiler alert if you haven't seen either. In Mona Lisa Smile, we have a (relatively) young teacher, Dr. Katherine Watson (played by Julia Roberts), who goes to teach at conservative Wellesley College in the 1950s. She is a progressive in the land of conservatives trying to "enlighten" the "oppressed" young women at the college who favor a more traditional lifestyle. Dr. Watson and another student are all about not being tied down, sleeping with however you want to sleep with (even if that man is married or sleeping with his students), foregoing marriage because it'll only limit your potential... you know, pretty modern ideas which seem radical when placed in the 1950s.

So why do I like this movie? Well, besides the clothing and the music (big fan of 1940s-50s music and pop culture over here), what I love about this movie is that the character Joan Brandwyn (played by Julia Stiles) challenges Dr. Watson's presumptions and ideas. Joan is the brightest student in her class and Dr. Watson does everything she can to get Joan into law school... and away from a potential marriage. When Dr. Watson learns that Joan has eloped and gotten married to her boyfriend, you can see the disappointment on her face because Joan has "thrown everything away" by choosing to marry.

Joan Brandwyn: Do you think I'll wake up one morning and regret not being a lawyer?

Katherine Watson: Yes, I'm afraid that you will.

Joan Brandwyn: Not as much as I'd regret not having a family, not being there to raise them. I know exactly what I'm doing and it doesn't make me any less smart. This must seem terrible to you.

Katherine Watson: I didn't say that.

Joan Brandwyn: Sure you did. You always do. You stand in class and tell us to look beyond the image, but you don't. To you, a housewife is someone who sold her soul for a center hall colonial. She has no depth, no intellect, no interests. You're the one who said I could do anything I wanted. This is what I want.

This is the scene that makes the entire movie worth watching (for me)... because I can relate to it, in a way. I often get told not to "waste my brain" and to dedicate myself and my life to a career instead of a marriage. Yet, I want the opposite. I want to dedicate myself to a family when the time comes. Family has always been important to me -- for more than a career could ever be. I wasn't raised this way (my mother always drilled it into me to focus on a career before I ever married) but it's what I've come to want for myself. I can look past the blatant (modern) feminist ideas and focus on this scene. Joan, who has the world at her feet, chooses to follow her dream... even if it puts her at odds with someone she respects.

By the way, there's a "What Mona Lisa Smile Character Are You?" quiz and I got Connie. I totally don't mind.

What's so bad about Gidget? Well, it depends on what you focus on. The guys have a beach party that's really meant to be an excuse for the young surfer bums to (in modern terms) hook-up with whoever they want, even trying to dissuade Gidget from going because she's too innocent and wholesome. Yes, lots of kissing and (tame, for our standards anyway) innuendos going on during the beach party. Gidget wants to make the guy she likes jealous by lying about being interested in someone else and then tells him she's going to a "beach shack" with the oldest of the beach bums (who looks old enough to be her young father) who only asked her for a ride to the shack with no other intention than getting some sleep which he can't with the guy fellas going wild. She actually manages to get the guy to ask her into the beach shack and tries to get him to make sure she's no longer "snow pure" but nothing comes of it.

So why do I like this movie? Again, besides the music and pop culture stuff (released in 1959), Gidget makes some pretty dumb ideas but she's still her own person and won't let anyone else influence her. Her friends get on her case about not "making it" (slang for, well, not waiting until marriage) even though she's "pushing 17." She talks to her mother about how she hates when guys want to get handsy when she just wants to be their friend... and even wonders if she's odd because she's not into that or being like most of her friends. She's a star student, she prefers to surf rather than go on a "manhunt" (look for the most eligible bachelors) with her friends, her wardrobe is more modest (even her bathing suits are tasteful compared to others'), and there's an innocence about her that resonates with me. Again, yes, she makes that dumb decision to go to the beach shack with the older beach bum but he actually stops her (after pretending he was into it to scare her off... it didn't) and tells her to go home. He actually protects her instead of taking advantage of the situation. Bravo, Kahuna!

Is it wrong to seek the good in the bad? To ignore what the overall message is for the little good that you find? I keep going back and forth on this... especially when it comes to these guilty pleasure movies. It's no secret that I'm pretty much a "prude" when it comes to sexual innuendos and scenes in films... which is what I think makes people wonder about these two guilty pleasure choices. The only explanations I can give are the ones I've just written -- I look beyond a couple of scenes and focus on the positive things I can get out of them.

Of course, there are some movies, books, and shows I will refuse to watch or read, no matter how much my friends rave about. If it contains a lot of "sexy times," has a lot of cussing, or has something I'm not entirely comfortable with, I will avoid it because I know that I'm just not into that kind of stuff. I will actually fast forward some of the Mona Lisa Smile scenes and just focus on the parts I like. I have a line that I will not cross because I know my weaknesses (e.g. a vivid, occasionally overactive imagination) and what I need to do to avoid adding to my list of stuff I need to take to the confessional.

Anyway, I would love to hear about whether you also try to find the good in the bad, not only in life but also in music, books, tv shows, and films? Do you simply avoid these types of films? Do you watch everything and not worry about these things? I would love to hear from you; no judgments if you have a differing opinion. :)

That's it for now.

I hope y'all have a lovely rest of the (long) Thanksgiving Day weekend!

Thoughts on My Vocation

In recent months, my vocation has become clear to me... but I've been unable to live it out for obvious reasons. Before I get deeper into this topic, let me just share with y'all how all of this happened.

For months (since the last 54-day Rosary novena during Advent 2016), I've been praying that God shows me what I need to work on to prepare myself for my future vocation of wife and mother. It hasn't been "send me a man!" or "take this loneliness away!" It's been "please help me see what I need to work on before a husband and family comes my way." I knew that there were certain things that I needed to work on but what I didn't anticipate was just intense it would all get before I started making any real progress.

Looking back at everything I've had to deal with since January -- everything that has tested my faith and produced a profound spiritual dryness in me -- I see that it all makes sense. I was inspired to ask God (during the St. Andrew novena; I did two novenas simultaneously) to help me get rid of my attachment to earthly things that would be problematic for me and my vocation. One of them turned out to be something that I hadn't faced since I reverted to the faith; something that I believed was no longer a danger but which proved to be something I was still very much attached to. It involved the career path I was on prior to my reversion and a terrible nostalgia for things that were once harmful to me.

I dealt with these things until last month into this month. My eyes were opened and I began to work to detach myself from these things... but it has not been easy because of the emotional attachments to a certain group of people that have been a big part of my life in the past year. This is still something I'm working on -- which has been especially hard on social media since we're all active on these various platforms -- but God is slowly working in helping me get past this.

At the same time that all of this is happening, I came to realize one big thing that is going to be problematic in another way: I feel as if I may be called to be a stay-at-home mother (SAHM) in the future. This is a problem for two reasons. First, I can't know that for sure until I discern marriage with someone, get married, have a family, and then see if we can afford for me to be a SAHM. Second, there is so much opposition to that train of thought... including in my own (current) home.

My mother has always worked hard for everything her entire life -- especially after my dad had a work-related knee injury that ended up in a botched operation that left him disabled for the rest of his life. To her, you need to work. Since I was a little girl, she's drilled into me that I need to have my own career and a job in case I marry some guy who will end up dumping me and abandoning our children. That's all I've heard from her and other people (including my godmother) since I can remember. Can you see how terrible cynical and jaded this point of view is? I mean, I get where they're coming from but I also feel like I've been pressured into just thinking about a career and being an independent woman even if I don't feel called to it.

And, I don't. I don't feel called to have a long term career. I don't feel called to put a career and work ahead of my family. I've never felt that way... but I have felt pressured into adopting that attitude or else I will be an immense disappointment to those who've drilled this idea into my head. All of this has become even more obvious in recent months when I discerned my career path and God made it clear that what I'm doing now is enough for what He has in store for me.

I don't feel like I'm called to go to grad school for any particular career path, burdening myself with more student debt. Instead, I feel called to continue down the path (that became clear to me in late May) until He calls me to do something else. It feels temporary but also something that will prepare me for whatever happens in the future.

My plans/goals for the near future are to work to pay off my student loans and to work on my relationship with God while I wait. Since I made these decisions, everything has been falling into place -- my health issues, my career and vocation confusion, etc. I can see myself going forward in a way I haven't since I graduated from college many moons ago. These plans are (currently) short-term because, as I said, I feel like He has something else in store for me. Whether that means a husband and family or a different career path, I don't know but I can't see myself doing this for more than 2-3 years. I think I will be able to pay off most (if not) all of my student loans during that time which is pretty exciting for me.

I do have my moments of impatience because I feel like He's finally shown me what He wants me to do and what my future vocation is... but I can't live it out just yet. The biological clock has started to tick (I just turned 32 in late May) and sometimes I think that maybe I discerned wrong... but then I remember the peace I feel when I think about the immediate plans that have been revealed to me through prayer and saintly intercessions.

I feel like I can't relate to many of my fellow single 30+ year-olds because I mostly hear rants about being single and, while I do have moments of impatience and loneliness, I don't feel the same way they do. It took a long time but I feel peace thinking about the waiting period because I know God is going to make me into a better version of myself in that time. Not only that, I know He's going to make sure that He is number one in my life and that nothing will replace Him. I need this time to make sure I'm spiritually mature enough to deal with the earthly highs and joy without forgetting that He is the center of my life and the only one Who can fill that emptiness and hole in my heart.

I've never been bitter about being one of the last of my friends to marry and/or have children. I don't hate Valentine's Day. I'm not a fan of PDA only because I feel like it's an intrusion of privacy that only a couple should experience. I don't do a lot of things that many of my fellow single ladies (understandably) do because God has helped me see things differently. I think that entrusting my heart to the Immaculate Heart of Mary is the big reason why I'm able to look at the big picture and remember His plans instead of succumbing to melancholic feelings about my vocation.

If you're reading this and you feel differently, that's fine. This post isn't me saying that my way of thinking and looking at things is correct and yours isn't; I'm just sharing what's been happening with me in terms of my vocation lately. Not everyone is going to agree with what I said. Some people will have problems because we think differently and you may feel personally attacked but it wasn't my intention. I'm not attacking anyone; I'm just sharing why I can't relate to some of you... who, obviously, won't be able to relate to some if not all of this post. God has us all on different paths (all, hopefully, destined to the same end: Heaven) but we can all still pray for each other because we can all agree that being unable to live our vocations -- when we so desperately want to -- isn't always the easiest thing.

That's where I am in terms of my vocation discernment at the moment. I gave myself a self-imposed dating break to focus on rebuilding my relationship with God but only He knows how long that will last. All I know is that I will continue to my work on my goal to pay off my student loans, to work on my relationship with Him, and let everything else came as God wills it. No rush. No timetable. Just doing what I feel He wants me to do.

And that's it for now. It's still pretty warm outside and I'm not feeling that great (may be something I ate) so I'm going to go watch a movie and take it easy. :)

I hope you all have a lovely weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

P.S. Don't forget to join the Frassati Prayer Community in case you have any prayer requests you'd like us to add to our prayers. :D

Messes and Brothers and Podcasts! Oh My!

Messes. Messes everywhere. I'm itching to get them cleaned up but I'll blog first because I don't know when I'll have time to write (or even read!) again.

If you've been following me on Twitter, you know that we had new carpet installed in our entire apartment last Friday. Thank goodness! Our carpet was about 15 years old and we were having major allergy problems with it, not to mention that the nails were starting to poke out. We started moving things on Thursday morning because it was scheduled to be done on that day but they ran out of time. Anyway, moving everything and having the old carpet ripped out meant that I had to disconnect the wifi since the cable modem is set up in the living room and can't be moved from that specific area. Yes, I was technically internet-free (at least via the laptop and iPod touch) for a while. It was quite liberating. I actually kept things unplugged for hours longer than necessary. I had my basic internet needs met by my phone and even then I didn't use it too much. It was great. That's part of the reason why I haven't blogged lately. That and...

My brother is visiting for the week! Hooray! He arrived on Saturday night. I was supposed to get my car back in time to pick him up from the airport that day. Nope. I called the mechanic (I kid you not) about 25 times all day trying to get a hold of him so I could get my car on time. At around noon he promised he would have it done before 7 p.m. Nada. He didn't call me back until around 9 p.m. (while I was arriving at the airport in my neighbor's van) telling me that he had the wrong power steer part and that he'd have my car ready for Monday night. Guess who still doesn't have her car back on Tuesday afternoon. Yep, still me. Thankfully my downstairs neighbor was kind enough to drive us to the airport to pick my bro up and then broski rented a car for the week (which I wish I could've prevented with the use of my own car) so we're set until this weekend when he goes back home.

Having my brother here has been great! We missed him terribly. I've been out of the house every day (except today) that he's been here which has been great but draining. I'm pretty sure his extrovert nature doesn't get that my introvert nature needs to recharge after days of going out. We've been to various parts of the city and county over the last couple of days. All that traffic. All those people. If I didn't have to wait for a call back from the city inspector (because they still haven't finished my bathroom; it's been 3 months now) nor had to take care of stuff here, I would've probably gone with him elsewhere today.

I'll be honest and say that I'm grateful to have the excuse to stay home today because I'm exhausted. He's an extrovert and bounces back quickly. I don't. I need my "give me a few hours to myself" time. lol. I'll be okay in a couple of hours, I'm sure. I felt bad not going with him on his mini road trip but, seriously, I need to recharge.

That's been my life in the last couple of days: messes from the carpet installation and hanging out with my brother. There's one more thing: this is not the official announcement but I'm toying with the idea of keeping a weekly Spanish-language Catholic podcast. The idea of a podcast has been presented to me by several people over the years but it never seemed like the right move or the right time for me. However, after searching for some podcasts for my mom, I noticed the need for them. Since my Spanish-language blog idea didn't get past the initial posts (I simply spread myself thin during a time when life was too crazy), a podcast seemed like the next logical step.

The yet-to-be-named podcast will follow the same idea as the Spanish-language blog only it will be in audio form so I don't get overwhelmed with too much writing when I return to school in April. There's something about hearing the tone of a person's voice instead of just imagining it in your head that makes a big difference in trying to get certain messages across; there's no guessing or miscommunication. I'm not a fan of my speaking voice -- especially in Spanish because I apparently have no identifiable accent -- but it's something I really want to do. Again, this is not an official announcement until the details get worked out but, God willing, I will have something by sometime next month. This month is all about my brother's visit and trying to get a few loose ends taken care of before I put my time and effort into something else. I'll be praying for guidance between now and then. :)

Anyway, this was just a little (ha!) update from me. Not sure when my mom and/or brother are getting home so I'm going to crank up my favorite tunes and get some work done while I have the house to myself. :D

I hope y'all are having a good start of week!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

What Three Deaths Have Taught Me

Earlier this week I found out someone from my past had died at the young age of 31. While I was never romantically involved with him (though I did have a crush on him for a while in my early-mid teens) nor were we ever really friend, I still have great memories of the couple of times I interacted with him. I don't like talking about that part of my life because of all the drama associated with it (read: ex-boyfriend from heck was involved; they knew each other) so I'll leave it at that: a genuinely nice guy from my past whom I have fond memories of. Though the last time I spoke to him was when I was maybe 17 years old, his death hit me harder than I would've ever imagined... and it gave me a jolt back to life, in a way.

Prior to my father's death in 2009, the only death that affected me in a profound way was my paternal grandmother's death in March 2005. My grandmother's death was the first I dealt with loss of a close person. I didn't know how to mourn. I was 19, about to turn 20. I hadn't seen her since my early teens but I still loved her nonetheless. When I found out that she had been asking for me on her deathbed (for both my father and I... and only my father and I), it hit me harder. She wanted me by her side in her final moments and I couldn't be there because she was in Mexico and I was in the middle of Spring semester at Santa Monica College here in Southern California. Dad left as soon as he found out she had little time left and he didn't even get to say "goodbye" in time because she passed away quite quickly. From her death, I was taught the importance of friends  and family during hard times.

The next death that hit me hard was my father's. Those of you who have read this blog long enough may remember the blog posts I've written about it, including one I wrote two weeks after he passed. Some of you might've even read the article that I wrote for Envoy Magazine which I wrote a few months after I had gotten over some of the numbness that followed his death. No death has hit me as hard since his. I'll be honest, having to deal with my father dying has also meant that I've had to learn to deal with anger. A few weeks before he passed and to this day, I have moments in which I can't control my temper. I will physically walk away and let myself cool down because I know how sharp my tongue can be when I'm angry. Those moments may not last long (I can calm down nearly as quickly as I get fired up) nor as they frequent as they used to be, but it's something I'm still working on. I honestly didn't know I was capable of getting that angry until I had to deal with his death. As the time passes (the 7th anniversary of his death is coming up in July), I find it easier to deal with my temper when it flares up. I think I'm averaging about 3-5 minutes in which it's best to leave me alone until I cool off. Again, doesn't happen very often but it's something that I made a goal to work on this year. I even bought the book Overcoming Sinful Anger by Fr. T Morrow to help me out. From my father's death, I learned so many things including the power of forgiveness and of moderating my temper (he had a strong choleric temper and I seem to have inherited a bit of it when I see someone I love being hurt).

The death of this young man from my past reminded me of how fragile life is and how important it is to take care of yourself. I won't go into details about who he was or even his death for obvious reasons (read: privacy issues and not wanting to think about painful memories) but let's just say that his death was sad and possibly preventable. It was a sad ending for someone I thought highly of. It wasn't only me; I don't seem to recall hearing a bad thing about him from any mutual friends. I lost touch with all those people from my past shortly before my reversion (I learned to remove toxic friendships early on) so I don't know much about what was going on with him other than what has been made known to everyone. He had been ill for a while -- something another friend has been dealing with for years as well -- but wasn't doing what was necessary to keep himself healthy. If I needed anything to help me kick into high gear on my own self-care, it was this. I've already been making good progress but I can definitely do more. After hearing about his death, I definitely felt the push to do those things instead of putting it off due to lack of energy and whatever else SAD has been weighing me down with lately. Again, I'm really surprised at how much his death has affected me, especially since I hadn't seen him since I was like 16 and I hadn't talked to him since I was 17, but I think it was hearing about it and remembering how much healthier I was during that time of my life (despite the ex-boyfriend drama), that kicked me back into this "alright, let's do this!" mentality. Also, friendly reminder to myself to not forget to have a Mass said for him since, if memory serves me right, he was also Catholic.

I've experienced the loss of aunts, uncles, and even the death of my niece's daughter (my second eldest brother's first grandchild) but these have been the three deaths that have taught me more. All three have happened at significant times in my life which I think may be why they've all affected me profoundly.

Anyway, I have a couple of things to do today (and my laptop battery is almost at 42% with no plans to charge it until after 8 p.m. in 7.5 hours) so I should go do them. If you could please say a prayer for the soul of this young man (his name was Michael) and his family, please do so.

I hope y'all are having a good week thus far.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!

Family Tree and Baptismal Anniversaries

While working on the family tree this past Sunday morning, I discovered to awesome things: my mother's and my baptismal anniversaries. Furthermore, I discovered them on my baptismal anniversary. :D

See, I've been working on my family tree for months. I like history so looking at one's own family tree has always fascinated me. I'm currently stuck in the early-mid 1800s as many records were burned during the Cristero war (the town where my paternal grandparents and family lived at the time saw a lot of action, apparently) but I hope to find something to get me unstuck. Also, I'm pretty sure I'll soon find something that confirms whether there's some Irish ancestry on my paternal grandmother's side of the family (as is believed). The Spanish line, I'm happy to report, runs deep. ;)

As for my mother's side of the family, it's a little harder to find. My mom was adopted when she was days old and her adoptive father (yes, she was raised by a sole parent) didn't get many things in the process. Mom's been on her own since she was young so we didn't know much about that side of the family. Thankfully, I was able to find church records from the town she was raised in and found something she hadn't known her entire life -- whether she was baptized as an infant or not.

I skimmed through all the records of the year she was born until I found her birth date. I stopped skimming and went through them slowly until I found her. Her name, the name of my maternal grandmother (who had a different surname than we thought), the name of her godparents, and the name of the priest who had baptized her. It turns out that she had been baptized at a day one, which she never knew. Mom was baptized, did her first communion, and was confirmed when I was 3 years old... but it sounds like it was a conditional baptism since they didn't know whether she had been baptized or not. Anyway, needless to say, mom was so excited that she hugged me and was on cloud nine the rest of the day.

I was curious to see my own baptismal records (which my mom happily produced) and saw that my own anniversary was this past Sunday. That's right, I celebrated 28 years (yes, I'm that old :-P) of being Catholic on September 1st. With my mom's birthday and baptismal day being this month as well, you can bet we've found new reasons to celebrate. ;)

Anyway, I thought this was neat so I wanted to share. Okay, I really wanted to write and couldn't come up with anything else so I chose this to write about lol. Never let it be said that I don't try. ;)

I will have something to write for tomorrow's What I Learned Wednesday post... and hope to have it published early enough.

Now to have a late lunch and try to stay cool despite a leaky A/C and heat in the triple digits.

Hope y'all are having a great week thus far. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!

Music, Soccer, and St. Maria Goretti.

I have missed playing my guitar! It's been months since I last picked it up and I truly miss it. A few days ago, a melody I'd never heard just randomly popped into my head. I repeated it a couple of times but chalked it up to a fluke because I haven't written a song in years -- since I was 18-19 to be exact. I've forgotten the melodies but have the lyrics in my mind. Typical writer, eh? lol. This morning, my favorite cousin (who I call my brother because he's more like a brother than my actual brothers) came over to visit -- which is always awesome because he's the best bro a girl could have. Anyway, I asked him how the kids were and he said that my niece had taken up piano, my eldest nephew was following in my footsteps by taking the guitar, and that the youngest wants to be a drummer. Not only that, bro said that my first guitar (which he's own since January 2007; I upgraded my acoustic) will be passed down to my nephew as soon as he can play it (it's too big for him at the moment). I felt very happy and proud to hear that. I come from a musical family. I'm the only musician (and I use that term loosely when describing myself) out of my siblings, though I have cousins who are actual musicians (and they actually have careers in the Latin market). It's great that the younger generation has started getting into the tradition at such a young age. If I do decide to start creating music again, it will be nothing like I have done before. I'm no longer in a Fiona Apple phase like I was at 18 (think of her album "When the Pawn..." and, in particular, the song "Love Ridden" to get the idea). Oh... I just remembered that I will have to build up my calluses again... ick. Oh well. As long as I get to make music again, I won't care. :D

One thing I don't have to ponder about... my love of soccer. Today was a BIG day for me in terms of soccer because my two favorite national teams, England and the United States, played a friendly against each other. As you can imagine, I did not root for one side to win -- I was cheering them both on! I was happy England won but I'm sad the U.S. lost. I'm stoked that Gerrard got a goal (he's quite possibly my favorite footballer/soccer player of all), especially since it's just 2 days before his birthday, but I'm bummed that Donovan didn't get his 100th cap because of an injury. What a weird situation but I enjoyed every minute of it. lol. Of course. I'm looking forward to next week's friendly -- U.S. vs Spain. Oh man, how I wish I could go to Spain for that game! I would've loved to have gone to London for today's game (and was actually planning on it before the darn recession dried up my savings account) as well. Well, good luck to the U.S. next game. I'm going to HOPEFULLY see the U.S. against Barbados in person in a few days. Plans are tentative. I have to see if I can blackmail a certain male friend of mine into going with me because I don't want to go by myself. lol. I'm kidding about the blackmailing but I will definitely have to work on him because I doubt he'll want to go. Well, too bad. lol. ;)

Yesterday I wrote about how I'd felt a strong connection to St. Maria Goretti. It's very true. It's been slowly building up for a few months but recently it's really hit me. It's not quite as strong as the connection I feel with the Blessed Virgin Mary or even with St. Teresa of Avila (I'm still amazed at the things I have in common with her), but it's there. I've watched a program on EWTN en Español about her life and it got me thinking about a lot of things. I recently read something about how feminists have an issue with St. Maria Goretti, as well as other martyrs of purity, because they represent sexism in the Catholic Church... as well as the importance of sexual abstinence over lust and premarital sex. I'm sorry, since when it being purity something bad? I didn't know we all had to be as oversexed as modern society seems to be. Oh wait... we DON'T have to! In fact, it's written in black and white that abstinence until marriage is the way to go as said by the Lord. Hmm... listening to God's word or listening to a society that's immoral... Gee, tough call! (and yes, I did just use sarcasm. lol). I am going to prepare myself for a fight because I KNOW this will come up at some point in my college career. I've already taken a Women's Studies course but I might take another and I want to be prepared to defend her as well as others who value purity over peer pressure. Bring it on, professors! And I know if my former Women's Studies professor were to read this, we would get into an argument. After all, she did call me a prude and make several jabs at me for being pure when I took her class.

Alright, well, I think that's enough torture of your eyes for tonight. lol. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.
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Spring Weather, Chemo News and Childhood (Nun) Dreams.

Today we had BEAUTIFUL Spring weather... in winter. lol. You have to love Southern California weather! It's been warm (but very windy) the past couple of days but today was the perfect combination of cool breezy wind, warmth, sun, and a cloudless blue sky. It's making me wish it was Spring already... and not just because my birthday's in Spring. lol. I am so happy my alarm didn't go off yesterday forcing to do run some errands today. I felt very happy driving around the city, the sun making me feel warm and slighty fuzzy (haha). I hope tomorrow we get a similar day because I'm going to be out quite a bit again. *happy sigh* I love this kind of weather... even though it gets freezing as soon as the sun goes down. lol. :D

I am VERY excited that both my dad and one of my best girl friends are almost done with their chemo! WHOO! Dad has about 7 milligrams of cancer left in his system (it'd spread to his lungs and also pancrease, I think -- I really didn't know it had spread until recently) so he's almost out. My friend also has her last chemo soon! All I have to say is THANK GOD! Thank God and thanks to everyone who prayed for my dad's recovery!! Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much!! *relieved* Now, I'm even more determined to keep all the promises I made for my dad's recovery.

I was talking with my mom today and I asked her if I wanted to be a nun when I was little (I have a faint memory of me saying I did). She said I kept saying that when I grew up I was going to be a nun and that was that. lol. I also brought up this topic with one of my best friends -- about how I haven't completely ruled out this vocation. While I very much want to have a family (a baby or two and a caring, Catholic -- must be Catholic! -- husband) it doesn't necessarily mean it'll happen. Though I have yet to really research and look into the vocation, I've always liked the idea of being a nun. Again (and to sound slight broken record-ish), I want a family but will always have it in the back of my mind if things don't work out for me... that is, if after I research it, and after I get done with my Religion Studies bachelor's degree, I still think it would be a good step for me.

Okay, well, I hate to make this blog uber short (and wait a bit longer to write about my plans/news) but I was supposed to be in bed an hour ago (haha, oops!). I am going to morning confessions because I'll be busy during the afternoon and evening... and thus, I need to sleep early for my busy day. For now... thanks for reading and God Bless. :D