Monday, October 17, 2011

So, I Fail. A lot. Often. But That's Okay.

I've been failing to do a lot of things lately. Keeping this blog updated? Massive, obvious fail. I missed St. Francis of Assisi's feast day, St. Teresa of Avila's feast day (but with good excuse), etc. Unfortunately this semester has been the hardest for all my fellow seniors and I and we all spend our free time playing "catch up on the reading." Studying for my Norse mythology midterm last week? Fail. Even though I crammed and was prepared enough, I blanked out from the information overload. I JUST caught up with all but one of my classes and that is only a day behind so it's doable. We had a "mid-semester" break which was spent sick with a bug (which kicked in on Norse mythology midterm day) and then catching up on coursework and doing midterm #3 of 5. No one that I know from my college had a break which pretty much tells you how intense things are. There are some other things that I've noticed I've been failing on as well.

One of the things that I have been getting better at is trying to have a social life... though I realized how much I needed to change some things this past Saturday. I was blessed enough to get the chance to spend some time with Miss Claire Christina of In Te Speravi on her short trip to Los Angeles. We spent 2 hours stuck in Hollywood traffic (oh but it was fun, lol) after picking her up from the airport. We got to chatting about a lot of things I normally wouldn't talk to my other friends about. After we got to our destination and I met some of her friends (and spent an hour chatting before I came back home), I felt so great. I felt so comfortable and so happy and I realized that that (a social life) is what I both need and want... yet fail at as well.

Now, I'm not knocking my friends. I love my friends dearly (and many are like my brothers and sisters) but I don't get to see them as often as I'd like because of location, work, or family responsibilities. And I've also been so used to spending the majority of my time at home that I don't know anything else. I spent 7 years of my life taking care of my father so all my "wild and crazy" years have been spent at home. I spent the year (last year) after my father's death in a numb mourning and I've just started feeling like myself again in the last couple of months. While I am shy (at least until I get to know people better and get comfortable to let the silly nerd flag wave), I do like making plans and going out my friends. Now that my anxiety is getting to the point where I CAN make plans to go out and not bail (unless I feel utterly uncomfortable in the situation for one reason or another), I do have that desire to go out and just hang out with my girl friends or even my guy friends since the guys seem to have more free time than us girls. lol. I am undoubtedly going to fail at some social things because I am so out of practice but that's okay.

It's okay that I fail because I learn from things I don't succeed at... and I'm stubborn enough to do things repeatedly (and allow myself to fail in the process) until I get it right. Blogging? I will get better at it. I seriously need someone to get all up in my grill if necessary to remind me of this blog not being updated every 3 days (at least). Studying? I over-studied at the beginning of the semester so I lost a lot of time. I now know what each professor wants so I know what to concentrate on. Midterm was the last of my wigging out and over-studying. lol. I will try harder to reassess my time management so I can get a study break at least twice a week for some blogging or free time for me. Social life? That's going to be a little harder. I have no idea where to start other than attending more Catholic Underground, Los Angeles events... though they are now over for the year. I don't know how else I'll try to better my social life but it's something to work on. I'm finally getting around to the idea of dating again for the first time in several years (again, I never had much time for it) and that is a whole different battle I will tackle when I get there. AND, the biggie, spending more time praying. With my crazy schedule, I barely have time to eat (or I'll read while I eat) and it sucks (pardon my language) because it's hurting my relationship with God. I fail at this, a lot, but I will get better at it and I know God knows that I try my hardest.

The older I get, the more comfortable I am with my flaws and with my limits. Accepting that I can't always do everything right (Little Miss Perfectionist is calming down, lol) and I embrace that. It's through trial and error that we learn, we grow, and we then get closer to God. I can now hear my confessor and the priests that have often told me to stop being so hard on myself rejoicing right now. lol.

Alright, well, I've designed half of my Mondays as "study break time" before the next one (Thursday evening). Depending on how my last two midterms go, I hope to write something Thursday. I think tomorrow is one midterm and the last one is due on Sunday (but I will work on it during the week to turn in early because I fail to rest of Sundays and want to work on that). Someone poke me on FB, write something on the Fan Page, or send me a message on twitter if you don't see an update by Friday afternoon. I give y'all permission to bug the heck out of me. lol.

Anyway, I hope y'all had a great weekend and those going through midterms make it through in one piece. ;)

As always, thank you so much for reading and God Bless! :D

3 comments:

Alex Walker said...

No one is perfect. Everyone puts on an image of being confudent but it is all an act. I can guarantee you that each and every person on the planet has doubts everyday. Courage and strength and being able to accept your own mistakes is a course of action we all have to deal with.

Be happy with you and other people will be happy with you :-)

Alex Walker said...

No one is perfect. Everyone puts on an image of being confudent but it is all an act. I can guarantee you that each and every person on the planet has doubts everyday. Courage and strength and being able to accept your own mistakes is a course of action we all have to deal with.

Be happy with you and other people will be happy with you :-)

Claire Christina said...

Hey! Glad I read this later rather than never! 'Twas lovely to spend such leisurely time with you, too, m'dear! I'm sure we will both flourish from keeping each other in prayer. *hugs you!* :)