How the Blessed Virgin Mary Has Taught Me to Trust and Say "Fiat."

“And Mary said: Behold the handmaid of the Lord: be it done to me according to thy word.” (Luke 1:38).

Me, during the 2018 Rosary novena and St. Andrew Christmas novena: Lord, please help me imitate our Blessed Mother more closely.

Me, on March 25, 2020: Lord... I see what You're doing...

Lately, I've been reflecting a lot on how my relationship with the Blessed Virgin Mary has grown over the years. For years after my reversion, I felt like I couldn't turn to her because of how sinful I was (and am). I didn't think she would answer my prayers because of how often I failed her and her Son. Over the years, that has changed.

I pray the Rosary every single day (I think I've only missed 3 days in the last 2-3 years due to illness-induced exhaustion). I used the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary for several years before I started doing the Divine Office via the Monastic Diurnal. I've done the annual 54-day Rosary novena for over 10 years now. I do the Memorare emergency novena when I'm in a bind. I do the daily consecration prayer (which my parish priest introduced to be when we first met), which has been part of my daily routine for the past couple of years. I consecrated myself her in June 2018, something I wish I had done years earlier. In a nutshell, I'm a total Mama's girl! That is why I chose my Instagram username, lapetitefleurmariale -- the little Marian flower.

Today is a special feast day for me because of her words, "Be it done to me according to Thy word", have been a reoccurring theme in my life. When she became my co-patroness (along with St. Therese) for the year 2019, I didn't know I would be repeating them so often myself. In hindsight, I should've known since I had asked God to make me more like her in late 2018. I got a taste of it during Lent 2019 but I really had no clue just what else was coming after that. Still, I had no clue just what big things He was going to ask of me.

My first big test came when I had to travel to Chicago, on my first solo trip ever (and on an airplane by myself for the first time ever), not knowing a single soul at the retreat beyond Fr. Basil... who I had only communicated with via email. I felt called to become a Benedictine Oblate but didn't have the money to do so. He provided.

I got to the retreat center and found out that they had botched up my dietary restrictions and thought I was taking my own food, leaving me with nothing but the tortillas I took to eat. Instead of calling it a day and heading back home, I stuck it out. There was no way God had gotten me there without good reason. I barely ate and I sleep about 3 hours per night the entire time I was there but I somehow managed to survive it and the flight back home.

On the second day of the retreat, I ended up in the ER... and would find myself at various ERs over the next 6 months. My health had a major relapse. I'm still down at 113 lbs from 130 lbs prior to my relapse. My anemia got worse over the last couple of months. My platelets tanked to the lowest they've ever been (but still not low enough for transfusions) late last year. My diet got even more restricted. I developed bilateral optic nerve edemas that still cause temporary blindness when I wake up in the mornings or from naps. My dental health has plummeted in recent months, unsure of what's triggering the sudden changes. We're not sure what's going on with my liver, too. We don't know what exact autoimmune disease I have though signs are pointing to either MCAS or Sjogren's Syndrome (the later would explain both the edemas and the dental issues). Yet I find myself praying the Rosary for others in the ER, patiently (or trying to be patient) trusting Him with my health, and trying to find gratitude even in that chaos.

Then came the emotional tests.

First, big (and, unfortunately, ongoing) familial problems added to my health relapse. The one good thing that's come out of this pandemic is that it's helping mend the broken relationships I have with certain family members.

Then I had to abandon months of discernment and wedding planning with my best (guy) friend because I couldn't ignore God's call to discern consecrated virginity. Providentially, this happened during last year's 54-day Rosary novena. Mama Mary was interceding big time; there's no denying that. I had to give up the sense of stability and security with a man who loves me for one of uncertainty and total abandonment and trust in His Divine Providence. This is especially true since CVs have to financially support themselves, which has been hard for me to do with my health issues. Still, the unshakeable peace I feel makes me certain that this is God's will for me. That and, boy, has my love for Him grown in recent months. I know I sound like a broken record but I cannot imagine myself not being His bride.

With the quarantine (day 12 today), the increasingly grim news on the coronavirus (knowing I'm in one of the most vulnerable at-risk groups with my health issues), and the uncertainty of it all, let's just say the last 9 months have been difficult. Physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually, I'm being stretched beyond my limits... but then a day like today comes along and reminds me of how every single thing that I go through is something that I must endure for the sanctification and purification of my soul.

I find myself growing more and more trusting in God and resigning myself more to His will, no matter how hard it gets. Last night, Mom found some physical signs that I might either have lower platelets or that my body is reacting to something, severity unknown. I had seen some but there was a new (and big) one, in an area that I can't see, that caused some alarm. I called my doctor today and have a telephone appointment with her tomorrow morning. I keep reminding myself that His will is what is best for me. That also goes with my coronavirus fears.

As I wrote on today's Instagram post caption, "I’m admittedly fearful of the unknown; of the sufferings I have yet to endure. I’m worried that I won’t get the Sacraments in time; that I won’t have a chance to do some good in this world while I can... but then I think back to Mama Mary. She said 'yes' despite the unknown. Even when St. Simeon told her of her future sufferings, she trusted Him completely. That gives me the strength I need to push aside my fears & continue saying 'yes' to God’s will for my life."

Of course, I will continue to pray that if it's part of God's will that I do get sick, that I may have enough time to get myself prepared -- both with health (there are some things I can do to help raise the red blood count levels) so that I can beat the odds and with the state of my soul (either getting into the confessional in time or being allowed to have a priest see me while there's still time) in either case. Yes, completely morbid to think about, but that is the reality of being a chronically ill Catholic in the midst of a pandemic. Life is not guaranteed but we must make the most of it and live as closely to God as we can.

Getting back to the point of this post: today reminds me that even in the middle of chaos, uncertainty, and suffering, God is always there. Look at Our Lady of Sorrows -- all the sufferings that the Blessed Virgin endured during her life. She watched her Son suffer and die in agony on the Cross for humanity. Yet, she remained faithful in humble obedience. She never waivered in her fiat. I want to be like her -- to always say my own "fiat"; to always say "yes" to all the little crosses that God asks me to carry for the rest of my life. (Side note: Our Lady of Sorrows has my most constant companion in the last 9 months, ever since the day I became an Oblate novice when my Oblate master gifted me a beautiful print that I've yet to find a frame for.)

I will continue to say "yes" to the sufferings, sacrifices, and sorrows that will undoubtedly come. Even if not now, in the future. In the midst of all those moments, I will try to remember the good, the beauty, and the love that is hidden in them.

I will also continue to say yes to the beautiful but difficult (for this impatient gal) moments that seem to be too far in the future.

I won't be able to make my Final Act of Oblation and become an official Benedictine Oblate (currently in my novitiate period) this summer as I had hoped but, God willing, I will after the pandemic dies down a bit... no pun intended. Right now it's looking like a Summer 2021 date for that. In the meantime, I will continue to grow in my spiritual life as a Benedictine.

The road to consecrated virginity will be a long one. We're looking at 2 years minimum, maybe 7 years maximum. I'm so grateful to continue receiving spiritual direction during this time (thank goodness for FaceTime since the L.A. Archdiocese has closed parishes, suspended Masses, and postponed the reception of Sacraments for another couple of weeks). I still don't know if Archbishop Gomez will allow me to go forward with the consecration (remember, bishops of the discerning CV's diocese have the final say and a "No" means it ends there) when the time comes to meet him and talk about my discernment process, but I will say "yes" to whatever path God leads me down. Whether it is (God willing; my heart is set on it) becoming a consecrated virgin, making private vows to virginity, or ultimately doing something else, I will accept His will for me. I keep hoping that what happened during one of my last trips to daily Mass (pre-quarantine) is a sign that I will become a CV.

Also, just a side note before I end this post: I had this moment a few weeks ago when I laughed upon realizing that God took my petition to become more like His Blessed Mother a lot more literally than I had in mind. I was praying to become less selfish, more charitable, more loving, more obedient, less feisty and defensive; less, well, incredibly flawed me. What I didn't expect was to be called to discern consecration virginity... but it makes sense. After all, she is the Queen of Virgins. She is the ultimate example of "vocation goals" for what life as a consecrated virgin should be. I see what You did there, Lord... and I welcome it, with my whole heart!

Anyway, I just wanted to share this with y'all. The post just came to mind while finishing the caption of the IG post. You know me; I write as I am inspired.

Mama Mary, thank you for being my ultimate role model; for being a beautiful example of true femininity. Thank you for your Fiat! Please continue to pray for me.

God, please continue to chip away my sinful habits and learn to become more and more like our Blessed Mother. I will always say "yes" to what You ask of me, even if it's increasingly difficult to do so -- difficult because I've grown comfortable in my own little bubble. Can I please be a bride of Christ? Really, that's all I want at this point! I want nothing more than to belong to Him. Please and thank you!

Happy feast of the Annunciation, everyone! Only 9 more months until Christmas! ;)

As always, thank you for reading and God bless! :D

Written Wednesday #3: Feast Days, Saint Quotes and Books

No, you aren't seeing things. This is indeed a second blog post in less than 3 days... and the 2nd of maybe 3-4 this week. Whaaat? Yes, there's at least one more blog post coming your way. I'm sure you longtime readers will be able to figure out what it may about. (Hint: annual tradition involving a specific prayer/novena...)

Anyway, this just a quick post to share a couple of articles that were published in the last two weeks.

EpicPew:

• 10 Forgotten and Overlooked Marian Feast Days to Bring Back (October 16, 2018)
• 10 Powerful Quotes from St. Paul of the Cross for Everyday Situations (October 23, 2018)

CatholicChemistry:

• Why Every Catholic Needs to Read Pope St. John Paul II’s Love and Responsibility (October 23, 2018)

Other articles:

Verily's associate editor -- who's my go-to person when I submit articles -- said my second Verily article would be published this month but I don't know when. With the month almost over, it should be in the next couple of days. I also have several articles I've written for CatholicChemistry (at least half a dozen that haven't been published) but I don't know when those will see the light of day. Either way, I'll keep you all posted.

And, that's it. Yes. these Written Wednesday posts tend to be on the short side because I'm usually swamped with work on Wednesdays; about to submit a new EP article after this, too.

I hope to publish the next blog post either tomorrow or Friday -- it'll all depend on how crazy tomorrow is, work and time-wise. However, if you've figured out what the post is about and want to participate, please let me know as soon as you can so I can write your name on the list and send you reminders throughout. :) If you're currently scratching your head, asking yourself what in the world I'm talking about... you'll see. It's become an annual tradition for some of this blog's readers (as well as yours truly). 😉

Alright, back to finishing and submitting my next EP post. 😉

I hope you're all having a lovely week so far. 😊

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! 🙏

My Consecration Journey Begins Today

Today is the day I've waited for years.

I've been wanting to do a total consecration to Jesus through Mary using both the True Devotion to Mary by St. Louis de Montfort and 33-Days to Morning Glory by Fr. Michael Gaitley books for years. I was able to borrow the former from the library and the latter was a gift from a good friend so I am set... and I can barely contain my excitement!

I thought long and hard on what feast day I wanted to do the consecration. In earlier years, it had been on the feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel because I wear the brown scapular and have dear friends who are Carmelites. Then I considered doing it on the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe since I'm Mexican-American. It eventually came down to choosing between the feast of the Visitation and the feast of the Immaculate Heart of Mary.

When people found out that my birthday is on the day before the feast of the Visitation (and I was nearly born on the feast day since I was born on the night of the 30th), pretty much everyone tried to persuade me to consecrate myself on that day. It would be a good way to start my 33rd year; my "Jesus Year." However, I ended up choosing the feast of the Immaculate Heart because of my devotion to her.

My devotion to the Immaculate Heart started years ago. There's something about the thought of her Immaculate Heart -- so beautiful, so pure, so loving, even in sorrow -- that has always held a special place in my own heart. I've even had a picture of her (first over my bed and now over my desk in my office) since I was a child. It's now old and faded but I love looking at it.

Whenever I have any "heart matters" (relationship matters), I do a novena to the Immaculate Heart. Her intercession has never failed to keep me from getting my own heart broken and has kept my (otherwise) hopeless romantic tendencies in check. If any of my friends wonder why potential suitors don't last very long, there's your answer. Their true intentions are revealed and/or they disappear before the novena even ends. Again, it's saved me from heartache. 

I've recently developed an interest in learning more about the Sacred Heart so it seems entirely appropriate that the last day of preparation ends of the feast day of the Sacred Heart. I'm currently doing a novena for a private intention to the Sacred Heart and, boy, it's been amazing how things change during it. I'm going to look into doing the enthronement of the Sacred Heart done this year because we (my family and I) could really use it after the intense year we've had thus far.

Despite my small worries about what might pop up during the preparation for the consecration (I've heard horror stories), I'm going to place all my trust in God and go forward with it. This is something I've wanted for literal years and it's something that I feel I need in my life. :)

Have any of you used both books for your consecration or renewal? If so, I'd love to hear about your experiences!

Before I wrap up this post, I just wanted to say a massive "thank you" to those of you who've prayed for me in recent days. Your prayers have been what have kept me from spiraling down into a hole of gloom and despair. I (and my family) have been tested in ways I would've never foreseen so your prayers have been lifesavers. May God reward you all!

I hope you all had a lovely weekend and that you have a great week!

As always, thank you for reading and God bless! :D

New Year, New... Nothing?

Before I begin, let me just wish y'all a feast of the Most Holy Name of Jesus! Who is reciting the Litany of Holy Name of Jesus right after she posts this blog post? This girl! There's a partial indulgence attached it to if you say His name reverently today. You also get a plenary indulgence if you visit a church today (usual conditions apply). Just an FYI if you didn't know.

Happy New Year, everyone!! I know it's January 3rd but it's my first blog post of the year. I purposely waited a couple of days because I wanted to take a break from being online so much at the end of last year. Yesterday was World Introvert Day so I did a lot of reading, sleeping when I could because I've been physically exhausted lately, and just relaxed. Since it's my last week of winter break before classes begin again, I decided to not be lazy but also not do a whole lot of busywork. I'm just going to do what I need to do to prepare for the (hopefully) last Spring semester for this program and then stay as stress-free as possible.

I had (or have, actually) one sole resolution this year and it's to get to Mass as much as I possibly can. This resolution? I actually made it back for the Liturgical New Year. ;) I hope more Mass includes daily Mass and especially Latin Mass when I can make the trip. I've fallen in love with the Latin Mass again and I am constantly looking for excuses to attend one. Sadly, no Mass for my this past Sunday because I had palpitations and horrible (random) anxiety from about 2 a.m. (the time I fell asleep on New Year's Day) until about 7-8 p.m. that night. Blah. :( I might've already "failed" to keep my resolution but as many lovely people reminded me, it wasn't as if I wanted to miss Mass. Not only that, I have (roughly) 51 more weekends to get it right this year.

Besides that resolution, I have nothing. No other plans or resolution. Well, no... that's not entirely true. I do have plans/goals. I plan on doing well for the rest of the program for this degree. I plan on keeping myself healthy and doing what I must to raise my folate, iron, and calcium levels. I plan on working on myself in preparation for both vocations. All these plans? I've had them for a long time so I don't count them as resolutions. I don't like New Year's Day resolutions. As previously stated, I make new liturgical year resolutions because they enhance how I live out my faith during the year but that's about it.

Almost no one keeps the resolutions they make through the end of the year... and then they feel terrible about it. I've seen people use such depressing, negative language when talking about how much they stink for not sticking with their resolutions. I'm definitely guilty of being too hard on myself, which is why I think I refuse to make resolutions. Not only that, a lot of resolutions are... well, well-meaning but usually attached to something that ends up hurting us more.

As Megan so wisely reflected on yesterday's Blessed is She post, some of our resolutions "[cater] to the world’s 'standards,' built on Satan’s deceptions and lies." (side note: I recommend you read her reflection to see what she means and I agree with). I know that if I made the resolution of working mt tush off to get all A's in school it would include the sin of pride because I know that a high GPA would mean graduating with distinction and honors. Who wouldn't like getting special attention on graduation day (though I'm still leaning on skipping the actual ceremony)? I've struggled with academic pride in the past and I know I don't want to go there.

Doing well in school? I plan to do it because I don't want to lose my financial aid which is helping me pay for and finish my degree. The sooner I can finish the degree, the sooner I can get my license and start working to help pay the bills and have my mom retire. Getting healthier? I plan to do it because I've read about birth defects that may arise if my body is low on things such as folate levels. I don't plan on getting married and/or getting pregnant anytime soon but I also know that these things can take a long time to be corrected so I want to start when there's no massive pressure. New year, same old plans. :)

Here is where I put my usual disclaimer that these are my thoughts about what's going to work for me. If you have resolutions and actually go through with them, virtual high five to you, my friend! I personally just can't do it because I know myself well enough to know that it doesn't work for me for a couple of different reasons. :)

Anyway, I still want to be online as little as possible so I'm going to vamoose and go read... after I pray the litany. ;)

I hope y'all are having a lovely start of the year! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Holy Innocents Question

I've been wanting to blog this question all day because it's a major pet peeve of mine but I haven't had the time until now. As y'all know, today (and it's still the 28th in L.A.) is the feast of the Holy Innocents. I don't know about other countries but I know in Mexico and other Hispanic countries, today is treated sort of like an April Fool's Day. People play pranks on others and then remark that they're "un pobre innocente" (poor innocent) if they fall for it. Considering what we commemorate today -- the massacre of poor innocent children -- it seems in poor taste to play pranks and then call people a "poor innocent."

My question for y'all is whether you feel the same way or if you don't think it's a big deal, I like April Fool's Day and a good prank now and then is fun and all... but it just feels and seems wrong to do it today of all days. If you're not of Hispanic origin and they have a similar tradition where your family/ancestors are from, I'd love to hear about it as well.

Anyway, this is a short blog post because I'm afraid I will keep ranting and I don't want to do that. lol.

I hope y'all are having a lovely week thus far!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :)

Complete Trust and Total Surrender?

Your eyes do not deceive you. It's another blog post... a week later. lol. Y'all know my excuse: coursework. I spent the entire week last week studying for a "do or die" exam. I spent about 12 hours seated in a chair in the kitchen, going over lecture videos and flash cards until it was time to sleep on some days. Other days I had other things going on so I didn't get nearly enough time to study. I even caught myself repeating some memorized terms while I was falling asleep or even waking up. I was in the zone. I even paid for my exam this time around (I couldn't get to see my regular proctor this past week). I took my exam on Saturday morning. I was confident while taking the exam. "Oh, I know this! And this! Yes, I'm going to pass...!" Half an hour later: 66%. My reaction was to be speechless after saying: "wait, I'm sorry... what?! 66%?! How's that possible? I knew this material!"

I spent an entire week focused on nothing (observation hours excluded) but studying. I took a break from social media for several days, only updating the Rosary novena dates via Twitter and FB for those who asked to be reminded. Texts went unanswered for hours at a time. I fell behind on emails. It didn't matter. I worked the hardest I've ever worked on any exam... and I didn't pass. Since it was a "do or die" exam, it meant I wasn't going to pass the class with the required B- needed to take three of the last courses prior to graduation.

I cried for a minute or two. I was disappointed. I put everything I had into this exam. I hadn't experienced any mental fog while studying for it. I ate well. I slept well. I kept my anxiety levels down for most days (side note: I had a weird 12 hours of continual anxiety and palpitations on Wednesday night into Thursday morning). There was literally nothing else I could do to pass this exam that wasn't cheating -- which will never be an option.

Though I was disappointed, I was also oddly at peace with everything. It wasn't the end of the world. It just meant that I had to change my plans again. I've been doing that most of my adult life. I'll have to retake this course next semester along with another (new) course and take the last three classes I was planning to take in the Spring during the Summer and/or Fall 2017 semesters. Instead of graduating next semester (Spring), it means I'll have to graduate either in the Summer or Fall 2017, only 3-7 months later than anticipated. Everything will be delayed for less than a year. Even if I wasn't getting a chance to continue this degree, I have options to keep moving forward.

I think it was appropriate that this happened the day before the feast of Christ the King. I was lovely to be reminded that when chips it the fan, it simply means that it wasn't the time for it yet. God has plans for me -- plans greater than I could ever imagine -- that I'm not going to fight it. I'm just going to adapt myself to whatever obstacles pop up. I'm so confident that this is the path God wants me to take right now that I don't mind the delay. It might be because I'm so used to it. I started college a year later than I should've despite graduating from high school a year and a half ahead of schedule. I graduate with my first degree 4-5 years later than I should've. I didn't move to England to finish my first degree, having to stay in L.A. My vocation has also been (obviously) delayed, for whatever reason. Christ is King. I have put my life in His hands and I trust that everything will happen when it's supposed to. Again, I will have to roll with the punches as they come but I'm confident that He is helping lead me down whatever path He wants me to take when He wants me to take it. I'm not going to worry about. That goes for everything -- health, school, career, vocation... every aspect of my life.

There has been a big change in me since I started the 54-day Rosary novena. A friend I've known for nearly a decade saw it in me when we went to a young adult group meeting two weekends ago. My mother has also noticed and commented on it (without knowing that my friend had also commented on it). I'm not quite sure what it is but, looking back at it, I can see what they're talking about. Maybe I've finally learned how to let go of what I can't control. Could it perhaps be a confidence / complete trust / total surrender in doing God's will? This wasn't even an intention for the novena but this novena is powerful. Even when things don't go well, amazing things happen. Perhaps this is one of the fruits of this novena. Who knows. We're only 21 days into it.

Anyway, I just wanted to share these thoughts with y'all. I should have more time to blog this week but, again, don't quote me on it. Finals start December 7th and go through December 16th but the last modules/sections opened today so I'm going to try to finish all the final assignments by Wednesday so I can a) have more time to study for finals and b) do it in smaller, more manageable chunks so that I'm not completely overwhelmed during finals week(s). I should have more blogging time if I do things this way. Fingers crossed! I'll definitely blog tomorrow because it's a very special feast day for me. Hint: it's in my name. ;)

Alright, I should go do some homework or something. ;) Oh, wait...! Congrats to Catherine and Kimberly who were the Magnificat Advent Companion winners! I've sent both of you the codes and I hope you enjoy the iOS apps this Advent season.

I hope y'all had a lovely weekend and enjoy this last week before Advent begins. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

I Have an Angelic Question

St. Michael Archangel Catholic Church in Miguel Auza, Zac. Mexico.
Copyright Pedro Aguilar. That's my big brother to y'all.

The feast of the Archangels Michael, Gabriel, and Raphael has always been of interest to me. My older brother (who passed away before I was born) would've celebrated his birthday tomorrow. Growing up, Mom used to say that he was a little angel looking out for me since he died when he was 11 months old and therefore had committed no sins. I always remember him and the angels today and tomorrow.

After my father died, the day became more interesting because St. Michael the Archangel was his patron. I think I still have the picture of St. Michael that hung in front of his bed towards the end of his life. The paternal side of family comes from a town named Miguel Auza, Zacatecas in Mexico. (fun fact: I've been able to trace the family lineage to that town as far as the 1700s.) The town was founded today and was originally named after, surprise, St. Michael the Archangel by a Spanish captain. The name was later renamed Miguel Auza during the time of the Cristero War / anti-Catholicism. Still, to this day they celebrate the feast of St. Michael in a big way. I've never personally experienced it (we always visited during the summer) but Dad used to share stories of how gorgeous the celebrations were. I hope to experience this for myself one day.

I've personally had St. Michael (thanks to my dad) and St. Raphael on my prayer intentions call list several times. I love the novena to St. Raphael, which ended yesterday. Of course, having been sick since my reversion a decade ago, St. Raphael is an old chum of mine. ;) I wish I could say that I knew more about St. Gabriel but I don't. I remember him during the first decade of the Joyful Mysteries of the Rosary but, besides that, I don't go to him for any intercessions. I should look up what he's the patron of.

After my car accident almost a year ago (on October 13; the anniversary of the Miracle of the Sun) made me even more curious about angels and archangels. You'll have to read the blog post for that day to find out why. ;) I've been doing the chaplet of St. Michael Archangel (as well as the prayer to St. Michael) on an almost daily basis for a long time but I haven't really read much about the angels. We sort of touched on it when I was at JP Catholic but it wasn't enough for me. I feel like there's still a lot that I need to learn.

I think there are a lot misconceptions about angels so I really want to learn from legitimate sources... and today seems like a good day to start that research. I already have a small booklet on St. Raphael (which I'll be re-reading today) but I want to learn about angels from a more theological and philosophical POV. Oh, I'm sorry, is my wannabe lay Dominican side showing? ;) Does anyone have any recommendations for websites, books, audiobooks, podcasts, etc which would help me for the research I want to do? Thanks for the suggestions in advance.

Anyway, I just wanted to ask while I took a study break. I don't think I'm going to do anything big for today's feast day (I didn't get a chance to prepare this year) but I know Michaelmas celebrations are a thing and I hope to learn for next year. :D

I hope y'all are having a great week thus far. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Lessons from St. Joseph

Originally posted on March 19, 2015 with some new thoughts added.

I took this picture of the sculpture of St. Joseph and the child Jesus at the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels here in L.A. :)

Happy Solemnity of St. Joseph, Spouse of the Blessed Virgin Mary. His feast day this year is of particular importance to me because it's the first one I can honestly say that -- despite years of being elusive to me -- I can thank him for coming through for me (through his intercession) in a big way.

As you've read in the title, I've had a hard time really understanding St. Joseph in the past. Every time I thought about learning as much as I could about him (which isn't too much since very little is known about him and his life), I'd get sidetracked and/or another saint would come to mind. This was the same pattern I had for years, until doubt came to mind and I began to understand St. Joseph a bit more.

I don't remember exactly what I was questioning at the time (odds are that it was either about my vocation or my career path) but I remember feeling unsettled by the indecision and doubt I had. "Who is the patron saint against doubt?" St. Joseph, of course. That set off my curiosity on St. Joseph once again... and my journey to understanding him a little better.

There's not much known about St. Joseph but what is known about him speaks volumes. He was the holy spouse of our Blessed Mother and the adoptive father of Jesus, a role that couldn't have been filled by just anyone. I'm sure there are a number of incredibly qualities (unknown to man) that St. Joseph possessed to have been chosen as the man worthy of protecting both Mama Mary and a young Jesus. That got me thinking about my own future spouse. I don't know who he will be but I pray for him. I ask St. Joseph to intercede, not only to help me find a good, holy husband who will bring me and our future children closer to God, but to help him become a man who is willing to do God's will and to love Him more than he loves anyone or anything else, myself included.

Everyone has had or will have doubts in their lives. Life is so uncertain that it's unavoidable. The biggest thing I've learned from St. Joseph is to let go. He was put in a situation in which indecision and doubt was present but he knew that he had to trust in God while protecting his family. How many men (or women) can say that; that they're put in situations that seem impossible yet they surrender that fear and indecision and trust in God's guidance? It's becoming more and more rare these days. You know how I've been trying to do just this (learning to let go of things) for months? I think I've finally gotten to where I need to be in terms of simply trusting God to guide me down the path he wants me to go on.

These past couple of weeks (starting a few weeks before Lent), I've felt like God has been leading me down an unexpected (and way overdue, due to my past fear and stubbornness) path but I completely trust Him. From applying to a new grad school and considering a new career path (with a Master's in Theology still in the cards, hence the application to another orthodox Catholic university) to moving forward with my vocation (after being stuck for quite some time), something exciting is happening but I'm not going to try to figure things out. I'm going to let God be my guide. No impatience, no fear, no doubts... just trust, hope, faith, and lots of prayer.

So, to sum it all up, I would like to thank St. Joseph for all he's taught me this year... and for the prayers (some of which I didn't mention) that he's helped me with. I only scratched the surface in this post but I'm trying to keep my blog posts relatively short so this is all you're getting this time around. ;)

-------------------

Even though this was originally posted last year, it all still holds true. I've been learning (it's still an ongoing process) to let go and let God take over. I still think about St. Joseph and his complete trust in Him. While I don't have doubts about my vocation (the part of the discernment that I can do by myself has been done; now to wait for the fella), what grad school to attend (so happy at JP Catholic), or career (I hope to be able to share something about this in the next couple of weeks), life is still unpredictable. I know I won't always know where things are headed. I can pray about them and hope for the best and trust that no matter what, God will always be by my side to help me navigate through it.

Anyway, I have a library eBook due in like 2 hours or so so I'm going to go finish reading that. :)

I hope y'all have a lovely weekend! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

A Confirmation Story: Why I Left the Church Shortly After

It's my confirmation anniversary and the feast day of St. Cecilia, my confirmation saint. (side note: yes, I know it's the feast of Christ the King, too. Trust me, I know.) While today doesn't bring the best memories, I did promise that I would tell y'all the full story of how my confirmation basically led to me unofficially leaving the Church so... here we go.

17 years ago, I reluctantly walked to the Iglesia Santa Cecilia in Tijuana, Baja California, Mexico with my parents and my godmother (we call them godparents, not sponsors, in Mexico). I was a 13 year-old who was not happy that she was being forced to be confirmed against her wishes. Yes, I said forced. It didn't matter that I had my hair done or that I had a pretty new blue dress on. I'm pretty sure I was in a bad mood during the ceremony, too. I'm getting a little ahead of myself...

The weeks leading up to it were miserable for me. "No," I told my parents. "I don't want to be confirmed in Tijuana. No, I'm not going to study." If I ever acted out in teenage rebellion, it was over this situation. See, my mother's godmother had a brother who was a priest down in Tijuana. Her godmother pulled strings to get me confirmed at 13 so I wouldn't go through the two years of classes here in the States. "But I want to go to the classes! I want to get confirmed with my friends." No, my parents said. They didn't want to have to take me to classes for two more years. It was a pain to have to do it for my first communion. Besides, I would be "too old" and should be confirmed young, they argued. No matter how much I fought against it, I ultimately had no say in it. I was going to get confirmed whether I wanted to or not... and I really, really didn't want to.

It wasn't that I didn't want to go through Confirmation. I did. I was that little girl who dreamed of being a nun when she grew up. I think I've always loved Mass. I used to sit in the front pew, mesmerized by the priest, the prayers, the readings, everything. I envisioned myself in a brown habit once I was old enough to become a nun. I proudly announced that I wanted to be a nun when I grew up. St. Francis of Assisi and the Holy Child of Atocha were my first favorite saints. I loved my catechism classes leading up to the First Communion. I loved looking like a mini bride on the big day. I didn't mind that we had to celebrate it in a large tent in the church parking lot because the 1994 Northridge Earthquake had badly damaged our parish. Even at 8 years old, I knew what a big deal it was to receive the Eucharist. I looked forward to more classes in preparation for my Confirmation but it was never meant to be.

Did I go to confession prior to being confirmed? No. Did I go to classes? Unless an hour meeting the night before counts (in which they asked me questions I had no answers to), the answer is "no." Did I get to pick out a confirmation saint? No, because they don't do that in Mexico. And so I was confirmed and I was not happy. I ended up unofficially leaving the Church shortly after for two reasons: 1) my uninformed, young mind was mad at my parents for pushing me and 2) my parents said that we were "done." We no longer needed to attend Mass or anything since I was done with the Sacraments until I got married.

I love my parents dearly. They were the best parents that I could've ever asked for. My dad took care of me when I was a baby (while mom worked) and then worked the graveyard shift to support us. To this day, mom says that dad was more of a mom to me than she was because I would be bathed, clothed, changed, fed, and asleep by the time she got home in the evening. My mom taught me to not be afraid of hard work and to always help others. Both ingrained in me the importance of a good education. I don't blame their reluctance to continue attending Mass because I know what led each of them to leave Church in their youth. Still, I'm a little sad that faith wasn't more important in my own life growing up.

I think we went to Mass maybe a handful of times between (my) ages of 13 and 21, mostly for weddings and never for Christmas or holy days of obligations. I didn't pray that often. I considered myself Catholic but I certainly didn't act it. I knew nothing beyond what little I learned in catechism classes when I was 7-8. I headed down a terrible path in my teen years. I've written enough about what made me return to the Church so I won't repeat everything. The "in a nutshell" version for new readers: I fell ill shortly after I turned 21, prayed to St. Jude and he interceded... which sparked the curiosity in me. Bam, back to the faith.

Sometimes I wonder what would've happened if I had gotten confirmed at 16 like I had wanted but I don't dwell on it. Instead, I think about what has happened since my reversion. Once I learned that I was confirmed at a church named after St. Cecilia, on her feast day, I adopted her as my confirmation saint. It makes sense, too, since I've always said that music was my first love and she's the patroness of musicians. It was almost like she chose me, in a way. Her story continues to inspire me to this day. I'm very humbled that God used me to get my parents to return to the Church, with my father's official return occurring the day before my 24th birthday (his birthday present to me) and my mother returning shortly afterward.

As I said, I don't blame my parents for those "lost years." It's not great to think about what led to our time away from the Church for years but I just have to remember that what's important is the fact that we're back home. In a way, I'm glad it happened because it made me appreciate the Sacraments that much more when I returned. It just stinks that I had to go through all of that first. And, of course, this has all made me want to teach my future children about the beauty of the Church and the importance of the Sacraments as they grow up.

And, there you have it. That's the story of how my confirmation led to my years away from the Church. Glad to be back home and grateful to have the opportunity to learn more about Catholicism as an adult. :)

I have a Theology paper due in exactly one week and I want to finish it early so I'm going to go ahead and work on it for a bit. Yes, I know it's Sunday and that it's a day of rest but I'd like to think that God would give me a pass considering how much time I've lost this quarter. Still trying to catch up, folks. ;) If not, sorry, God. I really do want to do well in my courses. And, hey, it's Theology. I'm "working" but it's all still focused on the Church and the faith. I get a pass, right? heehee.

I hope y'all continue having a great weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

St. Jude, My Reversion Intercessor

Happy feast day of St. Jude (and St. Simon!) For those who haven't been reading this blog long enough, you may not know that St. Jude played a huge role in my reversion. Since I'm crunched for time, I'm going to pull some of my past blog posts to help tell the complete story of how his intercession led to my reversion.

There are some of you who've been reading this blog for almost 8 years now (crazy!) so you may sort of know the story, but not in its entirety. I don't think I've ever written it out completely so... here we go.

I unofficially left the Church shortly after my confirmation at age 13 even though Mass attendance had been sporadic since I was about 11 years old. Yes, I was confirmed early. That itself will get its own blog post on St. Cecilia's feast day since it's also the anniversary of my confirmation. For now, let's just say that I spent the entirety of my teens away from the Church. As I explained in my post about why I remain Catholic (originally posted June 5, 2015), I was "Catholic" without practicing the faith or attending Mass. But I didn't know that I still held onto Catholic values until much later. In that time, I just knew that I was "Catholic" because I had gone through the whole baptism-first communion-confirmation process.

During that time... oh boy. I was going down the wrong path. I listened to terrible advice from people who meant well but really ingrained some terrible habits in me. My teen years (well, 13 through 19) are what I refer to as my "lost years." While I managed to avoid teenage rebellion (seriously, ask my mom) and barely survived my teens in one piece (avoided partying, drinking, drugs, and every other act of teenage debauchery you can think of; didn't even break curfew), there was a lot of damage done, interiorly. I was still going down the wrong path when I entered college but something happened between 19 and 21 that completely changed me.

First, at 19 and 20 was when I began to, basically, mature. It was a slow process (am I done yet? lol) but I began to see that there was more to life than going to concerts three times a week, more than the drama that some people live for, more than what my life was all about. I had received an offer to fully enter the entertainment business at 20 and I declined it. I've always been a people pleaser but 20 was when I began to stick up for myself and to pull myself away from the wrong crowd... and they didn't like that.

The mental and emotional abuse I received from my so-called friends was so bad that I ended up getting sick. I was an abnormally healthy child/teenager so it scared everyone. The doctors couldn't figure out what was going on with me (this was before they began attributing my symptoms to anxiety disorder). At one point (in the summer of 2006; shortly after I turned 21), I ended up in the E.R. three times in 5 days. As originally posted: October 28, 2010: "... I was so sick that things like 'she won't make it' and 'she has little time' were thrown around."

I began to pray for the first time since my teens. Mom was a fan of St. Jude's so I began to pray and ask for his intercession. Because I wasn't properly taught how to pray, I bargained. "Help me get healthier and I'll stay in L.A. for college. I'll go to a Catholic college." (side note: I was England-bound in those days; Bath Spa University was where I would've ended if I hadn't gotten sick and if my dad's cancer hadn't returned.) I somehow began to get healthier within the following two weeks or so, the so-called friends began disappearing, and so I kept my promises.

Having my prayers answered, my curiosity was piqued. What was Catholicism all about? I mean, really? Why were these prayers answered and not my last prayer? The faith of my childhood was so foreign to me at that point. I had wanted to be a nun when I was about 5-7 years old and I loved attending my catechism classes for my first communion but my confirmation was actually what made me step away from the Church. (Again, I'll share this story in a couple of weeks.) My inner academic nerd began researching and eventually it all just clicked for me. I basically renounced all my bad habits (some of which were just... horrifying) and made a personal vow to get rid of them as I learned more about the Faith. That eventually led to a complete 180.

Friends who knew me prior to my reversion can attest to the fact that I'm not the same person I was at 19/20. I mean, my core personality is still the same -- still goofy/silly, a bit reserved (bordering on shy in some situations), sensitive, I still love writing, and I still love helping people. That has never changed. But the little things that they were used to... gone. I'm so grateful to St. Jude for his intercession because it was through that answered prayer that I reverted back to Catholicism.

One more thing... are you wondering how this St. Jude statue got chipped? Here's the shortened version of the story (originally posted: December 27, 2007):
"This story takes place in mid-January 1994. I was about 8 years old at the time and I'd never experienced a real big earthquake before... I felt my dad picking me up from my bed, very abruptly, and I opened my eyes to see (and feel) everything shaking violently. Things were falling off the walls, glasses and china was breaking everywhere, if you've ever experienced an earthquake, you know what I'm talking about. Since this earthquake was a really big one, the lights went out almost immediately after the intense aftershocks started...

I don't remember too many details about what happened during the shaking except that the statue of St. Jude fell as soon as we (my parents and I) reached the doorway and were safe from anything falling on us... I was talking to my mom about... the St. Jude statue in my room. I very faintly remember (or think I remember) St. Jude's statue falling as soon as we got under the doorway and my mom confirmed it. Apparently, while all other things were falling around us there are three things that didn't fall: the statue of Santo Niño, the statue of St. Jude and the big framed picture of Our Lady of Guadalupe which was up on my bedroom wall. Now, the earthquake was a 6.7 on the richter scale, it was pretty intense. Windows shattered just by the shaking, yet the picture did not fall or get hurt in any way...

My mom says they (saints and Our Lady) were all looking out for us... We haven't experienced an earthquake that intense since, thank God, but every time we have experienced smaller earthquake (and/or aftershocks from nearby earthquakes) my mom grabs the St. Jude statues without even thinking about it. My dad grabs the statue of Our Lady and my mom grabs St. Jude... if I don't get to him before she does."

While my dad is no longer with us, we definitely still grab this St. Jude statue (chipped and all) when there's an earthquake / aftershock.

And, for the record, future husband -- I fully intend on giving our first born son the middle name of Jude after St. Jude. You have been warned. :-P

There you go -- the story of my reversion and of why this St. Jude statue (we've been given two more since) is chipped. :D

I hope y'all have a great rest of day and remember that St. Jude is a powerful intercessor that you should definitely not be afraid of reaching out to in difficult cases. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Spanish-Language Blog Launch; Feast Day Celebration

First: I'd like to wish a very Happy Independence Day to my fellow Americans. Remember that divide we fall, united we stand. Just sayin'. ;)

Second: Happy Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati feast day. No, I'm not going to go nuts today... though I really want to. You've had a week of me reviewing DVD and books in two different posts, sharing some of his best quotes, and basically fangirl over him. Trust me, I could've written more -- and almost did -- but I didn't want it to be overkill with my unashamed fangirling so I'm just going to wish everyone a happy feast day. I'm going to celebrate in my own way -- good food, the DVD I mentioned in yesterday's blog post, and just an overall easy day with fireworks later tonight. ;)

Third: I wanted to tell y'all that my Spanish-language blog has officially launched. The first blog post for La Trayectoria de Una Escritora Católica is already post as is the FB page for it. As I said, not all the posts will be the same as the ones posted here and vice versa. I just posted an intro post but I will get into the actual blogging next week. I just wanted to launch the blog today because of someone's feast day (can you guess whose? ;D) since he is the patron of that blog. :D

Anyway, this was just a quick blog post to wish you guys a good day and let you know about the blog's launch. :D

I hope y'all have a great (and safe) weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Lessons From Elusive St. Joseph

I took this picture of the sculpture of St. Joseph and the child Jesus at the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels here in L.A. :)

Happy Solemnity of St. Joseph, Spouse of the Blessed Virgin Mary. His feast day this year is of particular importance to me because it's the first one I can honestly say that -- despite years of being elusive to me -- I can thank him for coming through for me (through his intercession) in a big way.

As you've read in the title, I've had a hard time really understanding St. Joseph in the past. Every time I thought about learning as much as I could about him (which isn't too much since very little is known about him and his life), I'd get sidetracked and/or another saint would come to mind. This was the same pattern I had for years, until doubt came to mind and I began to understand St. Joseph a bit more.

I don't remember exactly what I was questioning at the time (odds are that it was either about my vocation or my career path) but I remember feeling unsettled by the indecision and doubt I had. "Who is the patron saint against doubt?" St. Joseph, of course. That set off my curiosity on St. Joseph once again... and my journey to understanding him a little better.

There's not much known about St. Joseph but what is known about him speaks volumes. He was the holy spouse of our Blessed Mother and the adoptive father of Jesus, a role that couldn't have been filled by just anyone. I'm sure there are a number of incredibly qualities (unknown to man) that St. Joseph possessed to have been chosen as the man worthy of protecting both Mama Mary and a young Jesus. That got me thinking about my own future spouse. I don't know who he will be but I pray for him. I ask St. Joseph to intercede, not only to help me find a good, holy husband who will bring me and our future children closer to God, but to help him become a man who is willing to do God's will and to love Him more than he loves anyone or anything else, myself included.

Everyone has had or will have doubts in their lives. Life is so uncertain that it's unavoidable. The biggest thing I've learned from St. Joseph is to let go. He was put in a situation in which indecision and doubt was present but he knew that he had to trust in God while protecting his family. How many men (or women) can say that; that they're put in situations that seem impossible yet they surrender that fear and indecision and trust in God's guidance? It's becoming more and more rare these days. You know how I've been trying to do just this (learning to let go of things) for months? I think I've finally gotten to where I need to be in terms of simply trusting God to guide me down the path he wants me to go on.

These past couple of weeks (starting a few weeks before Lent), I've felt like God has been leading me down an unexpected (and way overdue, due to my past fear and stubbornness) path but I completely trust Him. From applying to a new grad school and considering a new career path (with a Master's in Theology still in the cards, hence the application to another orthodox Catholic university) to moving forward with my vocation (after being stuck for quite some time), something exciting is happening but I'm not going to try to figure things out. I'm going to let God be my guide. No impatience, no fear, no doubts... just trust, hope, faith, and lots of prayer.

So, to sum it all up, I would like to thank St. Joseph for all he's taught me this year... and for the prayers (some of which I didn't mention) that he's helped me with. I only scratched the surface in this post but I'm trying to keep my blog posts relatively short so this is all you're getting this time around. ;)

That's all for today. Mom's pulling a double shift at work so I'm going to go have a late lunch with her before her next shift begins. :)

I hope y'all are having a great week thus far. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

I Didn't Choose St. Cecilia, She Chose Me

That's my statue of St. Cecilia sitting on top of our record player.

I like to think that I didn't choose St. Cecilia as my confirmation saint; that she chose me. While this may sound a little weird, I'd like to tell you why I think this... and, if you're new-ish to the blog, you may not know the full story. I did a "fun facts" edition last year but I'm really getting in depth this year.

See, I was confirmed on St. Cecilia's feast day (yes, it's my confirmation anniversary today as well; November 22, 1998)... at a parish named after St. Cecilia... when music was my favorite thing in the world. I wasn't confirmed properly either, so I didn't even choose a confirmation saint. Getting confused? Let me start from the beginning...

When I was 13 years old, my parents decided that I needed to go through the confirmation process. Because, at the time (don't know how it is now), I had to be 15 or older to start the process I wasn't old enough to get confirmed in the States. My parents (well, my dad) didn't want me to go through the process for two years like I did for my first communion so it was decided that I would go down to Tijuana to be confirmed. I fought them as best as I could as at that age. I wanted to wait until I was 15-16 to get confirmed with my friends; I wanted two those years of confirmation preparation. I had no say in it. I was driven back to Tijuana one weekend to get confirmed. I wasn't prepared. I didn't go to confession before getting confirmed. I was completely unprepared for it... but it happened anyway. If you're wondering how they were able to pull that off -- my mother's godmother had a brother who was a priest at a parish named after St. Cecilia in Tijuana. In Mexico they don't (or didn't, at the time) pick confirmation saints so I missed out on that as well. So I was confirmed (and I was unhappy about it at the time because they didn't let me do it the "right" way)... and I fell away from the Church shortly after that.

When I returned to the Church shortly after my 21st birthday, I became really sad about all the missed opportunities I had. I was poorly catechized (part of my first communion preparation was interrupted because the 1994 Northridge Earthquake struck and our classrooms, on the second floor, were damaged beyond repair) and I hadn't been confirmed properly. There's nothing I can do about it (I can't re-do it) but I decided to learn the basics: when I was confirmed, where, etc. My mother found the certificate and that's when I learned the details: confirmed at St. Cecilia Catholic Church in Tijuana, Mexico on November 22rd, 1998. I looked up which saint had a feast day on the day... and was pleasantly surprised to see that it was St. Cecilia's feast day. I didn't know much about her so I looked her up: patroness of musicians. At the time, I was heavily involved in school chorus and talent shows (a bit hard to picture from this introvert, eh?) so it seemed perfect that St. Cecilia was connected to my confirmation during that period of my life... and to this day.

Music has always been a big part of my life. I've always loved dancing. If there was music playing, I'd be dancing even before I could stand. I did Mexican folkorico dancing in elementary school. I did the whole cheerleading/drill team thing up until high school. I learned most styles of dancing. To this day, I love dancing. When I was a little girl (under 5), I used to strum my mom's guitar and then run away laughing because I thought I would get in trouble for it. In fact, that's one of my oldest memories. I got a little accordion when I was about 5 years-old... and a harmonica soon followed. I learned piano basics when I was in elementary school. I started playing the guitar in my late teens. I'd been singing in school choirs from elementary school through junior high. I left regular public school in high school due to social anxiety or else I'm sure I would've continued through it. I haven't sung in public since I was about 14-15 years old (mostly because I ended up hating the spotlight; I like to be behind the scenes) but I still sing at home, in the car, and, of course, at Mass. I have music playing nearly 24/7. I've half-jokingly said that music was my first love because of how connected I am to it. Every song has a memory for me. There's a playlist to every major event in my life. Every important person in my life has a song (and memory) attached to them. It's only fitting that my patroness has been St. Cecilia.

When I started blogging, I used to only use "Emmy" (which, as most of you know, is not my actual name but a nickname; it was the name my mother wanted to give me before she was vetoed by my dad) as my pen name. When I learned about my St. Cecilia connection, I adopted the "Cecilia" to my pen name... and that's how "Emmy Cecilia" came to be. Even for my novels, my pen name is my given first name (Melissa) and Cecilia. Even know that people know my actual name from articles I've written under my actual name (which you can find links to on the right side, under the list of past blog posts), I'm going to continue using Emmy Cecilia (or, at the very least, Melissa Cecilia away from social media.)

So that is my story about how St. Cecilia chose me, not the other way around. Sorry it was really long and all of that but I really wanted to write it out, especially today. :D

Alright, I need to go head to confession soon so I should stop writing. :)

I hope y'all are having a wonderful weekend thus far. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

St. Jude, My Reversion, and Earthquakes

Happy St. Jude (and St. Simon!) feast day! St. Jude is a huge reason why I reverted to the Faith so I thought I'd share the short (read: not detailed) story of how that happened.

Originally posted: October 28, 2010
"First off, I would not be here, writing this blog entry, if it wasn't for his intercession. A couple of years ago (side note: summer of 2006), when I was so sick that things like 'she won't make it' and 'she has little time' were thrown around, I began to pray. It's something I hadn't done in years since I'd drifted away from the Church during my teens. Since my mom was/is a huge St. Jude devotee I decided to ask his intercession. That was the beginning of my reversion... He has since interceded for me, as well as for many of my friends, countless time and I wholeheartedly recommend his novena whenever you're in a bind. I have never, ever, been let down and I don't doubt that if you ask his intercession, and if it's God's will, your prayers will be answered."

Wondering how St. Jude's statue got chipped? Here's the shortened version of the post explaining the story (originally posted: December 27, 2007):
"This story takes place in mid-January 1994. I was about 8 years old at the time and I'd never experienced a real big earthquake before... I felt my dad picking me up from my bed, very abruptly, and I opened my eyes to see (and feel) everything shaking violently. Things were falling off the walls, glasses and china was breaking everywhere, if you've ever experienced an earthquake, you know what I'm talking about. Since this earthquake was a really big one, the lights went out almost immediately after the intense aftershocks started... I don't remember too many details about what happened during the shaking except that the statue of St. Jude fell as soon as we (my parents and I) reached the doorway and were safe from anything falling on us... I was talking to my mom about... the St. Jude statue in my room. I very faintly remember (or think I remember) St. Jude's statue falling as soon as we got under the doorway and my mom confirmed it. Apparently, while all other things were falling around us there are three things that didn't fall: the statue of Santo Niño, the statue of St. Jude and the big framed picture of Our Lady of Guadalupe which was up on my bedroom wall. Now, the earthquake was a 6.7 on the richter scale, it was pretty intense. Windows shattered just by the shaking, yet the picture did not fall or get hurt in any way... My mom says they (saints and Our Lady) were all looking out for us... We haven't experienced an earthquake that intense since, thank God, but every time we have experienced smaller earthquake (and/or aftershocks from nearby earthquakes) my mom grabs the St. Jude statues without even thinking about it. My dad grabs the statue of Our Lady and my mom grabs St. Jude... if I don't get to him before she does."

And those are my stories. I hope those who haven't gotten acquainted with St. Jude will look into his story. Never be afraid to ask for his intercession; he's interceded for me and my friends in big ways in the past. :D

Alright, I have spiritual direction in an hour or so and I need to vamoose. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Busy Catholic: Break Up the Rosary

Isn't my custom made rosary pretty?

No, I'm not breaking up with the Rosary, I'm simply breaking it up to fit my crazy busy schedule. Wait, I'm not starting this blog post the way I wanted...

Hi! Welcome to another edition of "Emmy is procrastinating on her homework, only it's not really procrastination because she's actually ahead of schedule." ;) Yeah, I have no idea how that happened but I'm actually on top of my stuff... and even a bit ahead of time. I'm going to keep the momentum going (there's a chance I can finish a class or two early) while I have the motivation. However, I can take a break from that to share something that my spiritual director shared with me regarding the Rosary since it is the feast of Our Lady of the Rosary.

I don't think I have to tell you how important it is to pray the Rosary. I'm sure I don't have to tell you about how Pope St. Piux IX said:

"Give me an army saying the Rosary and I will conquer the world."

... how St. Pio of Pietrelcina (aka Padre Pio) said:

"The Rosary is the 'weapon' for these times."

... and how Ven. Abp. Fulton Sheen said:

"The rosary is the book of the blind, where souls see and there enact the greatest drama of love the world has ever known; it is the book of the simple, which initiates them into mysteries and knowledge more satisfying than the education of other men; it is the book of the aged, whose eyes close upon the shadow of this world, and open on the substance of the next. The power of the rosary is beyond description."

If you haven't talked to our Mama lately, I highly encourage you to do so. If you, like me, have said to yourself, "well, I want to but I don't have the time to put aside 15-25 minutes to pray the Rosary", may I make a suggestion that my SD recommended to me? Break up the Rosary into decades throughout the day.

I used to lament that I didn't have the time to carve out a solid 15-25 minutes to dedicate to praying the Rosary during the day. I honestly don't even have time to make myself something to eat some days; I'm so grateful to my mom who understands that there are days that I'm so swamped, I need help making sure I eat (do y'all understand part of the weight loss now?) Yeah, this program is that intense. I can get morning prayers done because I have gotten into the habit of not leaving my bed until prayers are said. Night prayers are said before I turn off the lights and zonk out. Those are easy to do but during the day it's harder. When I brought it up with my SD, he said "break it up throughout the day." It's logical yet... I didn't think of it.

How many of you have honestly not considered/thought about doing this; about breaking it up throughout the day? I think I was so used to praying all 5 decades in one sitting that I didn't even consider the fact that, yes, I could break it up when I'm at my busiest. I do take 5 minute breaks from coursework every now and then (read: every hour or so). I check Twitter and/or emails. I go to the kitchen and pick up a plate or bowl of whatever my mom made for me. I get up and stretch before continuing, etc. Praying a decade during my short break can easily be done.

I actually have time to pray the Rosary in one sitting today but I know it'll be harder later this week into next week when my next round of exams start. Not only do I have regular lectures and assignment, I also have a fairly large research paper (which I opted to do by myself instead of in a group) due towards the end of this month, AND I have to my observational hours (a minimum of 100 hours are needed in order to get a SLPA license in California) to do. I haven't even mentioned that I have a stomach ultrasound on Friday (side note: prayers, please; I hope we get answers) and that I have a quick trip out of the country to make over the weekend. Busy, busy, busy. Still, I know I can't be too busy to catch up with my Mama. What a terrible daughter would I be if I ignored everything she's done for me lately?

Anyway, this busy Catholic just wanted to share this suggestion with y'all. :D

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to pray the Rosary before I get sidetracked by something. :D

I hope y'all are having a good week thus far!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

How St. Therese Helped Me Through My 20s

I'm in full St. Therese fangirl mode today. I bought the prettiest roses I could find (which you're currently seeing; the dark pink color symbolizes gratitude and appreciation) and I am watching the Therese movie via Amazon since it's free to watch with a Prime membership. The reason why today is so important to me is because St. Therese has been one of my best heavenly friends, especially in my 20s. This is the last St. Therese feast day in which I will be in my 20s (I'll be 30 in May) so I thought it would be appropriate to reflect on how she's helped me through this decade.

As most of you know, I reverted to the Faith shortly after I turned 21. The seeds of my reversion were planted at age 19 (a month before I turned 20; during the election of Pope Benedict XVI, actually) but I didn't fully return until 21. I was actually quite reluctant to ask St. Therese for her intercession when I had been a fresh reverted because she's so popular. I thought to myself "maybe I should find saints who are less well-known". However, St. Therese kept coming up and I eventually gave in and learned more about her.

St. Therese and I became good friends by the time I was 23. Her story inspired me (especially since I discerned the religious life between the ages of 22 and 23) and I began to learn how to let go of my immature habits through her story. Sadly, it is not my vocation to be a religious sister but a great love for nuns was established during this time and I still fangirl whenever I see them. Seriously, just look at my face when there are nuns within view. lol.

She and Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati became my best heavenly friends when I started classes at my CINO college alma mater. As many of you know, that was a nightmare because of the Church, Pope (Emeritus) Benedict XVI, and priest bashing. I would sit through lectures, often unable to speak up (they knew my "trad" leanings, especially after I wore a veil to the Red Mass on campus), and occasionally cry whenever I heard them drag the Church through the mud.

During my first year there, I received a strand of sacrifice beads which I used whenever they spoke horrible (sometimes downright and openly heretical) things in lectures. In between classes, I would go to the chapel and pray or I would spend some time at the St. Therese alcove near the chapel. Most of my loveliest memories of my time at that prison involve time spent in front of the statue of St. Therese. There were a lot of tears, a lot of prayers, and a lot of moments in which I felt inner peace and they all involved St. Therese during my academic career. (side note: during the first Lent at the CINO college, I began the (now) annual tradition of using this St. Therese book during Lent.)

In my final year (I was there for only two years since I'd transferred from a community college), I made a shirt (which I think I have a picture of somewhere on this blog... please don't make me look for the link, lol) with a picture of St. Therese and the quote "For one pain endured with joy, we shall love the good God more forever." Yes, I deliberately chose that quote because it was my way of peacefully protesting what was being "taught" at that school. Whenever the Sisters who taught my courses made me cry (and I was openly attacked by at least one of them during lectures) I would remember to offer it up and would try to imagine what St. Therese would've done if she were in my shoes.

After graduation, I did freelance writing but I knew I couldn't continue because of how financially unstable it was. I was unsure if I should have gone for the Theology M.A. or if I had been right in choosing to switch career paths to SLP. I had submitted my application to USU shortly before her feast day last year and on her feast day I received a pink rose as a sign that I had chosen the right path. I was accepted on St. Teresa of Avila's feast day (two Teresas!) and have been on this path since.

During this past year, there have been many times that I have turned to St. Therese (she's become my vocation patroness) and she's showered me with roses. One of my favorite stories (which only a handful of friends knew until now) is from this past summer. I was driving past a house that I had (and have since) passed several times when I noticed they had beautiful pink roses in bloom. I even pointed it out to the passenger in the car, and said, in passing that I wondered if it was St. Therese's sign for me since I had been doing a novena to her at the time. Here's the kicker: that was the ONLY time those roses were pink. We passed by that house 2-3 days later and the roses were red. We've passed by that house for weeks afterward and they've stayed red. Unless there are some roses that start pink (and not dark pink) and end up bright red in the span of 2 days, we have no explanation other than they were a sign from St. Therese that things would work out (and they did). I know I didn't imagine the color because it was confirmed by the person who was with me.

As those of you who have been reading the blog lately know, I've been unsure about continuing SLP (into the Master's program) for a number of reasons. Today, on St. Therese's feast day, I received an email telling me that ASHA (American Speech-Language-Hearing Association) had paired me with an established SLP to mentor me through graduation next year. I have yet to receive a rose (I asked for specific colors for SLP and for Theology) but St. Therese has helped me through so much, I know she'll send me one when the time is right.

There are a number of other stories (some way too personal to share) that involve St. Therese but let's just say that she's helped me through many of my hardest moments since my reversion. I know St. Therese won't discontinue to be there for me as soon as I turn 30, but I am grateful to have had her by my side through most of my 20s.

I hope all of you who did the novena to St. Therese receive a rose from her in the near future (if you already haven't). Never be afraid to ask her for her intercession, especially regarding vocations. It's been through her intercession that I've realized my career path and it's her intercession that I ask for when I pray for my friends who are discerning their vocations (especially my seminarian friends, Andrew and Thomas).

Anyway, that's my story. I tried to keep it as "in a nutshell" as possible or else this blog entry would've been at least twice as long. lol.

I hope y'all are enjoying her feast day and I'll leave y'all with my favorite quote by St. Therese...

"Jesus deigned to teach me this mystery. He set before me the book of nature; I understood how all the flowers He has created are beautiful, how the splendor of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not take away from the perfume of the little violet or the delightful simplicity of the daisy. I understood that if all flowers wanted to be roses, nature would lose her springtime beauty, and the fields would no longer be decked out with little wildflowers. And so it is in the world of souls, Jesus' garden. He willed to create great souls comparable to lilies and roses but He has created smaller ones and these must be content to be daisies or violets destined to give joy to God's glances when He looks down at His feet. Perfection consists of doing His will in being what He wills us to be."

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

7 Quick Takes, Vol.19: Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati Edition

First, I want to wish all my fellow Americans a Happy Independence Day. Be safe and have fun during your celebrations.

Today is the feast day of my favorite soon-to-be saint, Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati. I was actually kind of sad that I ended the novena yesterday because I noticed the difference in my outlook on life during the novena. While the personal intention is private, I will say that it definitely helped me reevaluate certain things that had been on my mind (including a big decision I've had to make). So, in honor of the saint I've adopted as my "spiritual big brother", here's 7 ways Bl. PGF has helped me throughout 20s.

-- 1 --

I first became acquainted with Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati during the 2008 World Youth Day celebrations in Sydney. I didn't personally go to Sydney but I did follow it via the XT3 (when it was still a brand new website; yes, I'm still on it though I don't actively participate as much these days). While it took me a couple of months to actually look up his story, I was immediately impressed with it; so much courage, faith, and love for Christ in such a short time on this earth. It was two years after my reversion and I didn't know how he would help shape the rest of my 20s.

-- 2 --

This was the first year (in years) that I didn't do the Bl. PGF novena on this blog because I knew I wouldn't have the time. I didn't forget to do the novena (I finished it last night) but I also knew that I didn't have the time to either post it every day or even schedule it ahead of time because of how crunched for time I've been with school lately. I'm barely getting time to study for exams (though I do have an hour today... hence this blog post) but I hope to resume the tradition next year. If you've never done the novena, I highly recommend it. I've personally seen the difference in the way I think and act (in a good way) while I do the novena and the effects stay with me for a good, long while. Do it! You'll love it.

-- 3 -- 

I believe that Bl. PGF helped me during my father's death. As I wrote last year, there was some similarities between Bl. PGF's death and my father's death. One thing that I just realized (while writing this post) is that Bl. PGF died at the age of 24, while I had my father on this earth for the first 24 years of my life. Anyway, I prayed for Bl. PGF's intercession when my father was in the hospital (I even placed a picture of Bl. PGF in front of my dad's bed). On his feast day, 5 years ago today, I asked him for a miracle. We didn't quite get the miracle we wanted but I do feel like Bl. PGF intercede in another way. I believe that through his intercession (as well as the prayers from everyone else), I was able to keep it together. I didn't fall apart, which is what most people probably expect. If you've read the blog post I wrote after my father's funeral, you can see what I mean. This hasn't been the only time Bl. PGF has intercede for me.

-- 4 --

Readers of this blog who've stuck around since either before or while I was at my dreadful alma mater (and I say dreadful because of their CINO ways) know that I was pretty miserable at the school because of the things that were "taught" there. Bl. PGF and St. Therese of Lisieux both helped me during my two years there. St. Therese helped remind me to counter some of the dirty looks I received with love. Bl. PGF helped remind me that I had to fight so that the Truth would be heard by my classmates. While I wasn't unable to speak up during the majority of the lectures (my professors quickly knew where I stood in my beliefs), I was still able to do little things to counter the unorthodox liberation theology we were exposed to.

-- 5 -- 

Who is responsible for my daily Mass addiction? Take one guess. lol. Over the years I've become a big fan of attending daily Mass. Reading about how much Bl. PGF loved to attend daily Mass and receiving the Eucharist has inspired me to do the same. When my anxiety was worse (years before it was officially diagnosed as PTSD) and I wanted to receive the Eucharist, I would try to imagine him standing next to me, holding me up (with Mama Mary or St. Therese at my other side) when I would feel as if my knees would buckle under me. While it's been a while since I've attended daily Mass (the fatigue I've felt over the last 2-3 months has been intense at times), I've been wanting to renew my daily trips. I hope to do so starting tomorrow. :)

-- 6 --

If you want to learn more about Bl. PGF, I'd recommend reading A Man of the Beatitudes: Pier Giorgio Frassati by his sister Luciana, My Brother Pier Giorgio: His Final Days also by Luciana, and/or Pier Giorgio Frassati: Letters to His Friends and Family edited by Fr. Timothy E. Deeter and Christine M. Wohar. I've read (but not finished all; oops) all three and I highly recommend them. I still have to finish the book on his Letters but it's been so beautiful and encouraging thus far. Oh! Brandon Vogt is giving away the Man of the Beatitudes book AND a DVD on the EWTN special they did on Bl. PGF (which I also own). I thought I'd pass it along if y'all wanted a chance to win. Go. Do it!

-- 7 --

This is my Bl. PGF Tiny Saint that my mom bought me at the Cathedral a few months ago. He goes everywhere with me, along with the Mary Undoer of Knots key chain that Angelica sent me for Christmas. As I continue to discern joining the Dominican lay order (guess who inspired me to look into becoming a Dominican, even though I was originally headed down the Carmelite path), I shall continue to keep my "spiritual big brother" as a role model. It doesn't matter that I am now older than he was while he was on this earth, I know that he will continue to look after me as any big brother would over his little sister. :)

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

And that is all the fangirling I have a chance to do at this time. lol. I have lunch to take care of, a mother to pick up from work, and two exams/quizzes to study for. Did I mention that we COMD students don't get holidays off? Working straight until (at least) the end of this month. ;)

I hope y'all are doing well. If you have any prayer requests, send them my way. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D