All Souls' Day; Dia de los Muertos

That is my father's grave marker after we decorated it for All Souls' Day. We were keeping the Mexican tradition of Dia de Los Muertos (my father was Mexican-American... Mexican born, naturalized American) in which add some of the person's favorite things, when they were living, to the grave. All foods and candles were strictly forbidden by the cemetery so we couldn't decorate it any more. Since we couldn't put a coffee cup, his favorite thing in the world after his cars, we added pinwheels which he thought were fun (he was a kid at heart.) One of them has the Mexican flag on it in honor of our Mexican heritage.

The day itself was a pretty deal for us, especially since this is the first time we really celebrate it. As soon as we found out that all the Catholic cemeteries in the Los Angeles Archdiocese were going to have Mass at 10 a.m., mom and I decided to go in honor of dad's memory. It also helps that dad is buried at the San Fernando Mission Cemetery so we would be able to visit him after the Mass without any problems. Of course, that meant that I'd have to miss my Philosophy course but I didn't care. I was going to go to that Mass and my love of arguing with my professor wasn't going to stop me. I am so happy that I made that decision because it was only one of most beautiful experiences I've ever had.

The Mass was... beautiful, and bilingual. I was able to pray and sing hymns in both English and Spanish. There were many priests, representing the parishes around the San Fernando Valley, including Fr. Stan (who was my spiritual adviser until he was assigned to a different parish) and Fr. James (who is the new Irish-American priest at our parish). The sat in the sun, while the rest of us were in the shade. They said the reason for that was that they were doing penance for us. God bless them; it was over 90 degrees Fahrenheit and the sun burned. The hymns that were sung were lovely and appropriate. "Ave Maria" was sung in Italian and I teared up a bit because the woman put so much emotion into the song. I loved that they really focused on what the feast day was all about. The presiding priest, Fr. Steven Guitron (of Guardian Angel Church in Pacoima), gave a beautiful homily in which he talked about souls, purgatory, and trying to lead saintly lives so that we can, one day, enter Heaven and be with the Lord. He added things in both English and Spanish that I wish everyone there understood because it was a lovely message. Mom and I both received the Eucharist at the Mass and it all just felt... so right. Before the Mass ended, they thanked us for going to Mass and praying for the deceased. They concluded with Psalm 55:6, "Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest." As soon as that was said, they let about a dozen doves fly, surprising everyone in attendance. Many of us, both men and women, shed tears at how beautiful it was. (btw, I'm well aware that I'm using the word "beautiful" a lot but I honestly can't think of a better word for this experience.)

After Mass was over, we went back to visit dad's grave (where we first stopped before Mass). On our way there, we passed Ritchie Valens' grave. My mom is a big fan of the song "Donna" so it was interesting for her to see where the composer/singer of one of her favorite songs was buried. After passing by his grave, and praying for his soul, we went to daddy's grave to decorate it. As you saw in the picture, we really decorated it and would've probably added more things if we were able to. We didn't add marigolds, which is the tradition in Mexican cemeteries because my mother didn't want to do. I did but I was vetoed for once. lol. As we were decorating it his grave, I thought about how much I was like... what I'd learned from him... how much I missed him... how much he would always be a part of my life even though he's no longer physically here. All in all, it was a great experience and I look forward to doing it every year.

Whatever you did for All Soul's Day, I hope you remembered all the loved ones you've lost and remember that they'll always be with you. As Fr. Steven reminded us at the Mass, we may not see them, but they're looking out for us... helping us (through intercession) as much as they are able to, much like saints and blesseds.

That's all for now. I hope everyone had a great weekend. :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.

My Vocation Discernment Hasn't Been Easy

I think my prayers, along with the prayers of those who wanted to help me figure out what I was going through earlier in the week (the vocation thoughts) were answered. I also want to thank Kerri, Joe of Verbum Veritatis, and Claire of Musings of a Twentysomething for letting me talk about what was going on in my head. It was a big help. (P.S. Joe is also going through his discernment process, though for the priesthood (whoo!) so please pray for him as well.) As some of my friends noticed, I was not myself during this time.

As I said in the past couple of posts, the whole thing had really done a number in my head and had begun to disrupt my prayer life. I was upset about the whole thing, though I'd always been very accepting of what God wanted my vocation to be. I've knelt in from of the Tabernacle several times and told God that I'd do whatever he wanted me to do... and meant it. Every time I've done it, I've been sure that my vocation had been that of a wife and mother. I felt it in my heart that it was what I was meant to be. The thought that it was really the single life and that I'd been deceiving myself was what really upset me. Luckily though, I'm no longer upset over it... and not only because I'm once again sure that I'm meant to be married.

So how did the single vocation thought go away? It actually happened while writing my last blog. I wrote "It literally just dawned on me that all these thoughts and doubts could've just been put into my head because the enemy wants me to abandon my prayer life and wants me to be angry at something I love so dearly." Once I wrote that and really thought about it, I felt a huge wave of relief... like I'd just stumbled unto the answer I'd been looking for. That's not to say that it was a relief because I'd get my selfish wish of picking what vocation I most wanted, but because it explained why I'd gotten all this anger out of nowhere and at Church, after confessions, of all places... and why there was something that wanted me to get mad at God (which, luckily, I didn't.) Not only that, I became REALLY happy. It was like "HA! God, you've helped me figure it out! Thank you for giving me the strength to not do something stupid like blame You for this." This was actually what I talked to my friends about. I'd been so confused; I wasn't acting or sounding like myself and it was all just so frustrating. It was honestly unlike anything I'd ever felt before. The outcome of this is peace in my heart and an even stronger passion for prayer and for devoting myself to God.

A twitter friend brought up something about what I'd written about my vocation discernment. I'll repeat some of the same things I said to her here. My vocation discernment isn't something I've done on a whim. It's not "go with your gut instinct" or "do what you want most." I've spent years doing it; praying about what my discernment might be and doing what I believe God wants me to do. I've talked to Fr. Leo and Fr. Stan about this. Actually Fr. Leo, and later on Fr. Stan, helped me realized that I wasn't meant out for the religious vocation, though I actually really wanted to be a sister/nun. When I was a little girl, as young as 5-6 years old, I would say that I wanted to be a nun when I grew up. It all appealed to me. I had even gotten into an argument with my mother about a year and a half ago regard it. I'd told her that if it was what God wanted, I would do it; that I was sorry that she disliked the vocation for me but that I'd do what I was meant to do.

My vocation discernment journey hasn't been easy. I've been thrown a lot of obstacles on the way. The realization that I was meant to be a wife and mommy someday came to me very slowly. If you'd asked me a few years ago, even as recent as 4-5 years ago, I would've told you that I didn't want kids. I've always loved kids but I didn't want any of my own. (side note: This was all prior to me returning to the Church.) I didn't want kids and I'd tell my friends that they'd be crazy if they thought I would want more than 1 if someday I did. I had other plans for my life: I wanted to be a wedding planner, eventually marry, and that was it. There were no plans to have children. Once I returned to the Church and started learning about Catholicism all over again, and really exploring my religion in a way I hadn't before I'd "left", it all changed for me. At the time, I still didn't think I would be a mom and the religious life was something I wanted. I fell in love with the faith and with my newfound prayer life. Nothing appealed more to me than to completely devote myself to God. I talked to Fr. Leo first and he suggested I wait to make up my mind; to pray about it. So I did... and slowly I began to realize what my vocation truly was while I began to get very excited about the prospect of being a mother someday. I prayed about it, many times in front of the Tabernacle and/or in Church, and I just knew that this was what God wanted me to do. I accepted it and I had been on this path ever since. And for the record, I'm not saying it'll be like this for everyone. The process is completely different for everyone. Like St. Therese of Lisieux, some people know their vocations at an earlier age than others. For some it's easier than others. The important thing is to never be upset with God and to never cease praying.

As I wrote a couple of entries ago, I recently decided to slightly modify what I would do with my life while I waited to get married and start a family and I couldn't be happier with this decision. It's already changed who I am, for the better, and I think my friends could see it by just looking at me. I have this huge smile that I can't wipe off my face. I do silly dances more often than not. I thank God for everything, including the whole single vocation curve ball I endured for a couple of days. I now have slightly more "selfish" plans for myself. My more longterm goals are to finish my degree. More immediate plans include starting a little "garden" I can keep within the confines of my apartment and doing things, like taking dance classes, for myself. I also want to learn how to make more dishes since my mother has declared that she hates cooking and baking. Luckily, I love cooking so I won't mind. Who knows, I might even attempt to become a chef some day; the sky's the limit when it comes to my dreams and plans. :D Of course, I will try to do everything with God in mind. Cooking and baking classes? I could put those skills to use by making food for the homeless. The dance class? I could help out an elementary school's after school program to keep kids off the streets by volunteering to teach dance. My garden? I could grow flowers and give them to patients at hospitals who don't get visitors. That's what makes me so happy about all of this; I'm doing things I love AND finding ways to help others. Thank you, Lord, for helping me with this. I give Him all credit for this happiness I feel. :D

Alright, well, I think that's about it for now. I've written too much again... as usual. Sorry. lol. I'm going to go tango dance for a little while (VERY little since I'm now running late.) Is it possible to tango in a classy way that's not provocative? That's what I'm about to find out. :D

I hope everyone had a great week. Once again, thank you so much for your prayers for me. God certainly listened. And, please, never hesitate to ask me to pray for you. I'd be more than happy to do it. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.

Happy 4th!; Morning Mass; Prayers; Last Day of Giveaway

I want to wish all my fellow Americans a Happy Independence Day (a.k.a. "Oh, you mean the 4th of July!", lol). Let us all thank and pray for all the brave men and women, past and present, who've risked (and continue to risk) their lives in order to protect this country and to help maintain our freedom. :) Fr. Stan said some lovely words about the significance of today in the 7 a.m. Mass. It was one of those things where you wish you had some sort of recording device to share with everyone. All those in attendance said a prayer for those in the armed forces. :)

Have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE morning Masses? It's the one thing about school that I will miss... along with the deposits they refuse to return to me. In all seriousness, I love starting my mornings with prayers... especially if I get a chance to do it at a parish. I haven't been to a morning Mass (that wasn't on a Sunday, of course) since I was about 19 years old, usually because of classes or other things I have to do in the morning. Going to today's Mass made me realize how much I miss going during the week. I am going to try to attend Mass as often as I can... and hopefully I'll be able to a couple of times during the week, if not every day. :) Oh, and because I'm often asked, YES, I DID wear my mantilla (chapel veil). I wasn't the only one either. There was another woman who wore one as well. :D I was, however, the only person under (maybe) 50 years-old at the Mass. lol. :)

After Mass, I spent nearly an hour just praying for my family, friends, and anyone who asked and/or needed it. My knees don't hurt as much as I thought they would from all the time I was kneeling. :D I prayed the Rosary, the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, a couple of prayers to different saints for different intercessions (see, twitter people? I came through for those who asked. heehee. :D) Before I began to pray, I got the idea of keeping a book with a list of all the prayer requests I get (you'd be surprised how many emails I've gotten from people who have found me through this blog and/or twitter) so that every time I'm at church I can pray for y'all in front of the Tabernacle. Any time any of you want/need prayers, please do not hesitate to ask me. I'd be more than happy to pray for y'all. :D If it's to a particular saint, I'll ask for their intercession. If it's a novena, Rosary, or chaplet, I'll do it. It makes me very happy to be able to pray for others. :D

Alright, I'm going to go enjoy the Love Comes Softly series movie marathon that's on the Hallmark Channel all day today. I'm a sucker for these movies. lol. It's not all romance for all you chick flick haters... you know who you are. There is love, but most of it has to do with the love between families and their faith. Really great message. :)

Don't forget that today is the last day of the Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati giveaway. You guys have until 11:59 p.m. PST to enter. Oh, and someone please remind me to tell Fr. Stan how to pronounce his name; he had a bit of a problem with it today. :D I'm going to miss Fr. Stan when he gets transferred to another parish in a couple of days. :(

Oh! And, for those who ask me on a daily basis how dad's doing: I talked to my mom about an hour ago. He ate all his oatmeal and drank all of his coffee... and was able to hold it down. Yeah!!! He's doing so much better than yesterday too. If there was ever a day for him to be alright, it's today. :D

Okay, that's enough stalling. I hope everyone has a great, blessed day... and that some of you don't overdue it with the food at picnics today. lol. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Merry Christmas!; Christmas Mass; One Year Anniversary!

Note: I am posting this a day late. I started it yesterday but didn't finish it on time. :D

A very Merry and Blessed Christmas to everyone!!! What a beautiful day! A day to thank God for sending us His son, Jesus Christ, for our salvation. :D I LOVE LOVE LOVE Christmas, not only because of what the day represents but I love the closeness it promotes. It's awesome! :D

Today's been such a great day for me! I went to Mass. Not just any Mass, a SPANISH, Christmas Mass. That was HUGE for me. If you've read this blog long enough, you know I tend to avoid Spanish Masses because of how crowded they tend to get. Crowds + Anxiety = Panic Attack. In fact, I hadn't gone to a Spanish Mass since the January Mass where Fr. Stan was reading my mind. But, that was a weekday Mass and thus not crowded. Anyway, since both the local and usual (where I usually go) parishes had only one or two English Masses earlier in the morning, when it was raining cats and dogs, I had to attend a Spanish Mass. (side note: There were several non-Spanish speaking people at the Mass.) So, I got ready and was determined to make it through the Mass. I got there, saw that it wasn't that crowded and thanked the Lord. But, the second I went in I was hit with the intense smell of the incense. I have a very sensitive nose so I thought "Uh... I'm out!" Luckily, the back room has windows AND speakers so you can watch and listen to the Mass without being in the main room (which was not very well ventilated). On the down side, there is NO sitting. So, I had the choice of making myself sick with the smell of incense... or tough it out and stand throughout the entire Mass. Which did I choose? I stood the entire Mass. My back ached, I felt kind of weak (been feeling more and more weak as each day passes), but I was determined to make it through the entire Mass and to received the Eucharist. And, I did.

I had my little moments of anxiety, especially walking towards the altar in the middle of all the people (I was second in line to receive communion) from the back to the front. I just kept looking at my feet, or up at the cross, internally praying and asking God to please not let me faint. I stood there, shaking, until Fr. Juan and the other Eucharistic ministers finished with the elders and the sick who can't get in line (it's custom at the local church that they go first). Then I walked back to the back room, where my dad was waiting (he stuck it out, standing, with me) and I just burst into tears. Happy tears! To be able to attend Mass, a dreaded (only because of the crowds) one, and to receive the Eucharist without breaking out into an actual panic attack was amazing for me. I thanked God, in my mind, for helping me through it all. At the end of Mass, we got in line to kiss one of the two baby Jesus statues Fr. Juan and the other deacon (his name escapes me, sorry!) were holding. After we did that, we came home and that was it. :D

I didn't really do anything for Christmas. I didn't really get presents, but that's just how I wanted it. For once, my friends listened to me when I said "NO PRESENTS!" lol. I would rather they do something for someone and say that that is their gift for me, than getting material things. Last year, my adoptive "sister" DJ donated to a charity in my name, which was the best gift I could've received. Oh, I did receive an A in my History of World Religions course!!! That was a great present. My professor updated the grades in the afternoon so it counts as a present. :D So, not counting the Philosophy of Logic grade which I still don't know about since we have no idea if the professor will curve the grade like he did with the midterm, I've received two A's and one B thus far! Whoo! :D I should be receiving at least a B (86%) in Philosophy so I'm not worrying. If the professor curves the grade, then, whoo! lol. Either way, I'll be a happy camper. :D

Anyway... moving on... I cannot believe it's been exactly ONE YEAR since I started this blog. I honestly had no idea where I would be going with the blog, but I'm happy with how it's turned out. I didn't even plan on starting it on Christmas, last year, but that's how it happened. I'm glad to have made the friends I've made through this blog. It makes me feel good when I get messages about particular topics or even prayer requests. Nothing makes me happier than knowing that other people no longer feel they are the only ones going through certain things. :D I thank the Lord that I've been able to write as much as I have. I've not yet begun either. There are more topics I will write about; more personal stories I will share. :D

And with that, I will end the blog. :D You'll get this a day late 'cause I felt sick yesterday afternoon (Christmas). Been feeling really weak and fatigued but I'm chalking it up to some leftover anxiety that's manifesting itself physically. That happens with me... it may take days for anxiety to get released. :D

Thank you all for helping me make this blog what it is today. :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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I'm About to Burst with Excitement!!!

I don't even know where I begin... I am SO EXCITED! I guess I should start off with the most exciting news I've gotten today.

A couple of minutes ago, I got a call from the Sister who's in charge of the Department of Religious Education at my parish. Fr. Stan had passed along my information (thank you, Fr. Stan!) to her about me possibly being able to help out. Apparently, they are short of English (and especially bilingual) speaking Catechism teachers. There far more Spanish speaking teachers, and since I speak both languages fluently, I'd be able to help out with either. So she asked if I'd be interested and I said I would. So, she told me what I had to do and what time the meetings would be. I have to take a couple of introductory classes as well as get fingerprinted. The Los Angeles Archdiocese requires it for all those who will be interacting with minors. I don't mind any of it... not even the trip out to the parish where I'll have to get my fingerprints done. I'm just so excited! I already picked what dates I'd be able to "work." It won't be work for me. I was also told that once I get enough experience, I will be able to have my own class. I would love to have a class full of little kids. I remember what a wonderful experience I had when I was a little 7-8 year old catechism student (and it was at the same parish). This is exactly what my dream is -- to teach others about the Catholicism in hopes of strengthening their faith. :D

It was really funny that I got the call right as I had logged onto Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati's official U.S. website. Like right that minute. I said to my mom "I wonder if this is a sign that I am meant to do this as my vocation" because I still keep going back and forth between being a wedding planner, a teacher, or something else. :D

I think I am going to go dance around like a goof for a little while (my way of celebrating). :D Heehee. I hope everyone is doing well. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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L.A. is Burning - Part Deux; When in Doubt, Ask a Priest.

There is another fire burning in the northern part of the Los Angeles County. Not good, at all. We can smell the smoke from where we live, but it's not so close that we can see the smoke like we did during the last fires. I'm going to pray that it doesn't get out of control like the others did last month. Of course, it HAD to be on a day when the temperatures would go over 90 degrees. Yes, you read that right... it will be over 90 degrees Fahrenheit today. Oy.

Well, I have my school dilemma figured out thanks to Fr. Stan. He did give me the disclaimer that if it didn't work out for me, it wasn't his fault, but of course I knew that. I did figure out what schools I would applying to and I am VERY happy with my decisions. It's all onward and upward from now one. :D

My motto is that when you're in doubt about something, always ask a priest's advice. I asked Fr. Leo's advice a few months ago about something and he definitely helped me and actually helped me on the path to trying to fight my battle with anxiety, while not letting it keep from going to Mass. Now, Fr. Stan has totally enlightened me. He quote Pope John Paul II and I totally saw my school dilemma from a new perspective. I love that when can go to them and ask for advice. :D

Alright, I've had a really BAD week, anxiety-wise. I honestly thought they would have to take me to the hospital twice because of horrible I felt. I'm so much better now, thank goodness! It was just three really intense days. Anyway, because of it I'm WAY behind on my homework -- which is all past due for all classes. So I'm going to do that now and then email them to the professors. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

History of World Religions, Religious Studies Major.

I don't know where to start... I have so much I want to write about (but, don't worry, I won't. lol). First off, I am SO HAPPY we finally covered Catholicism and Christianity in my History of World Religions class. I have a list of all the people and saints that we covered... if I can just find it... *digs through desk drawer*... here we go:

- St. Ambrose - St. Augustine of Hippo - St. Benedict of Nursia - St. Francis of Assisi - St. Clare of Assisi - St. Dominic - St. Catherine of Siena - Pope Gregory I (The Great) - Pope Gregory XI - Pope Urban VI - St. Augustine of Kent/Canterbury - St. Thomas Aquinas - St. Anselm of Canterbury - St. John of the Cross - St. Teresa of Avila (WHOO!) - St. Ignatius of Loyola - St. Francis Xavier.

All those people/saints were covered in only 7 pages. I was super excited to have to learn a little bit more about them for a class! It reaffirmed my belief that I am supposed to be a Religious Studies major. :D I had to compare Martin Luther, John Calvin, King Henry VIII, and St. Ignatius of Loyola for my Christianity paper. Guess which I wrote more about; which one I knew more about. :D Man, I LOVE this class. :D

We're currently doing the last religion we'll learn about (I think), which is Islam. We have a big research paper due in like 2 weeks and I was originally going to do it on Christianity, Judaism, and Buddhism but now I'm going to switch Buddhism for Islam because I think it'll be easier (since they believe in God). I still don't know if I'll focus on the sacred texts or the art but it's one of those. It'll be interesting.

All of this that I have been learning has really made me think about what I'm going to do when it comes to my Religious Studies major. I'm at the point where I have to decide, once and for all, where I'll be attending next Fall to finish my Bachelor's degree. I have to do it this week because I have to make sure my Winter session and Spring semester classes are exactly what I'll need (also, to basically get more credits done at a cheaper cost, lol). I''m still undecided whether to go to a state university (where I'll have to learn about different religions) or go back to my private college (where I'll focus mainly on Catholicism). I would rather go to a Catholic university/college but, really, it all comes down to the tuition. Since I'm in charge of all my educational costs, I have to really think about the debt and whatnot once I graduate. I am completely torn on what to do so I'll hopefully get some advice from Fr. Stan. I've already called to make an appointment so now I'm just waiting for him to call me back and set the day when I can go in and ask. I've tried to figure it out on my own, and have even prayed about it, but all that I've come up with is going to a priest and asking his advice.

I don't think my decision would be so hard if I wasn't planning on (eventually) becoming a teacher. See, I have my plans. If I don't make it as an author or wedding planner, I want to be an elementary school teacher. I love kids and I love teaching them things. I think I'd do a good job. Because of this, and because I'd want to teach at a Catholic school... well, it makes me think twice about what school I'll get my degree from. Hopefully Fr. Stan will be able to help me figure it out a bit.

Well, that's it. I had more planned but I just started getting these stomach cramps and I'm not feeling too well so I'm going to call it a day. Hopefully it isn't serious... and that I won't have to go to the Emergency Room.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D
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I'm Brave... or Insane; Darn Economy: State School vs. (Private) Catholic School

I'm either very, very brave... or I've finally lost my mind. Either way I'm good. lol. I'm (hopefully) going to audition for this huge international folk dance concert my school is holding for the holidays. Auditions are a week and a half from today. I don't know why but I just said "Oh, I want to do it!" when I heard about it a couple of days ago. They will be doing dances from: Africa, America (Hip-Hop), Arabia, Brazil, Bulgaria, Egypt, Georgia, India, Israel, Mexico, Persia, Philippines, Romania, Serbia and Sicily. Take a wild guess which one I'm doing. Seriously... guess. lol. I could've done the hip-hop but really, I'm not too comfortable with it. I decided to do the Mexican folk dance because, hello, I'm of Mexican heritage. lol. That and I learned how to do some of the dances when I was younger. I haven't done it in a long time but I remember how they go. In case you don't know what a Mexican folk dance is (also called folklorico) here's a video of what I think we'll do... since the Jarabe Tapatio is the most recognized.

It requires A LOT of rapid footwork, think like tap dancing... but not tap dancing. The dance is a cardio work out in itself so I'm going to have to start running, or at least jogging, these next couple of days to be physically ready for it. It's only a couple of minutes worth of dancing but it's exhausting if you're not used to it. But, I'm excited. Even if I don't get to be a part of it, it'll be a great experience... and another thing I've conquered. :D

Moving on...

I have a bit of a dilemma. The economy is getting worse and worse and I'm at a crossroads of what to do when it comes to my education. I'm fine at the moment because community colleges are not expensive. Next year, though, I will be done with my lower division requirements so I won't be able to attend a CC. I could get an A.A. degree but I want my B.A. degree. I COULD go to a state school (like UCLA), save money (because the state owes me -- big) and basically not pay much for tuition. Problem is, they don't have Catholic courses I'd want to take. I would have to learn about different religions. With a scholarship, I wouldn't have to pay anything. Or I could continue at the private, Catholic college where I am a student, though I'm not currently attending. Problem there is that it's $32,000+ a YEAR. I have 2 years left so that would mean that, not counting the scholarship I have there, I would have to get a loan for about $20,000 per year until I'm done. I've taken care of tuition and expenses since I started college. My mom will help me out with textbooks when my financial aid arrives late but I always pay her back. I don't know what to do for the next 2 years. I really need Fr. Leo and Fr. Stan to give me some advice. I have no idea how the economy will be in 2 years when I graduate.

It's funny. If I would've started college right after I graduated high school, and if my father would've never gotten cancer both my senior year of high school and early last year, I would've been done with my degree last year when the economy started to tumble a bit. I firmly believe that there's a reason why it's taken me this long to finish my degree. Maybe, though it's taking me (what feels like) forever, it's actually better for me in the long run. I'm not stressing over it. I know God has something in store for me, I just have to be patient and stick it out until things get resolved. Hopefully I'll figure out what to do before I have to make a firm decision as to where I'll be attending next Fall.

Alright, well, I've written a lot today so I think I should stop. I also have a History of World Religions assignment due tonight so I should probably go finish that. I did half of the work last night so now I just to have read about China and Japan's religions... do some compare and contrast and I'll be done.

Didn't I say I was going to stop? lol. Okay. I will. Thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

And I am back.

I have to make this short, though, because I'm about to go watch "The Nativity Story" which I just got from Netflix.

I am doing MUCH better. Apparently, all my trips to the hospital (3 total in a span of less than 2 weeks) were caused by an intestinal virus which led to a bit of dehydration . Needless to say, it was no picnic. But, as I said, I'm so much better now! :D

I have a lot to say... especially about how I experienced a very powerful moment on Sunday morning which made me stop and sort of make sure I'd experienced it -- which I have to speak to Fr. Leo about first to see what he says about what I heard. Also, I have old friends back in my life (friends I lost touch with but have recently gotten in contact with)... something I was doing for myself is being turned into a novel at the suggestion of my mother... I am still working on the OTHER novel... I have a roadtrip coming up this weekend... I have a movie premiere I might go to next week, etc. *phew* I have one busy couple of weeks ahead of me but will, hopefully, still find time to come and write a bit as often as I can.

By the way, do any of you go to Mass on a daily basis? I've gone the past two days in a row -- mainly because I had yesterday's Mass dedicated to Our Lady of Guadalupe and today's Mass dedicated to St. Jude Thaddeus (who refuses to let my prayers go unanswered. I'd hug him if I could!). I have never gone on an almost daily basis but I have to admit, I like it! Hopefully I'll be able to go more often. Oh, and DAD went to Mass with me today, which was a complete miracle! I've been praying that he goes to Mass with mom and I and he finally did. Although, I think he did today because I felt faint (blame my ongoing battle with anxiety) and he wanted to make sure I didn't get sick. We don't want a repeat of Sunday morning in which I missed Mass because I had a series of panic attacks (back to back) from around midnight to almost 9 in the morning. I went 23 hours without sleep -- but, if what I heard during one particularly bad attacks (when I was asking the Lord why I keep suffering) was a direct answer from the Lord, I am willing to endure these panic attacks. If what I heard was the answer, and if I now know the reason, I'll gladly accept it. I feel like I've said too much, though. I won't say any more about that until I've talked to Fr. Leo... or Fr. Stan.

And, speaking of priests, if you live in the Buffalo, NY area and attend Holy Angels Parish, you will be getting a priest I have a lot of respect for -- Fr. James. He used to be a priest at my parish but he got re-assigned to Holy Angels. Make sure you go and say hello to him. He's such a lovely man and I will never forget him telling me that I am too hard on myself... because I am but I didn't really recognize it until he said it. :D

Alright, well, the movie awaits. I hope everyone is well. Thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

P.S. WHOOO SPAIN WON EURO 2008!!!! Go España! Go España! :D
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