My Vocation Fear and a Costly Lesson Learned

Y'all know the writing gig I've been dropping hints about for the past 2 weeks or so? Well, now that the first article is up, I can officially let y'all in on the news. Meet EpicPew's newest contributing writer: me! ;)

Thanks to my friend, Theresa, I'm currently on a trial basis as a contributing writer for EpicPew. It's a website I'd subscribed to (for daily updates via email) while I was in school because I liked the content that they post. When Theresa let me know they were looking for writers, I didn't hesitate to say I was interested in applying. Long story short, it led to my first assignment on pro-life marches coming up this weekend and next.

The lovely thing about this whole thing is that it happened when I finally let go and let God take over. It happened the day I found out I wasn't going to continue the SLP program at Utah State. I had resigned myself to do whatever God wanted me to do. I didn't know how I was going to begin to repay my student loans. I didn't know what work I could possibly do with everything that's been going on. All I knew was that I fully trusted God to lead me down whatever path He wanted me to take. If I couldn't find anything because I needed to rest, I would rest. If I could find something I could do (and, hopefully, enjoy), I would welcome it. Immediately, this happened and, well, I couldn't be happier!

The interesting thing is that, last week, when I was contacted by the folks at Utah State that they wanted to help me continue down the SLP path by trying to help me get financial aid to finish the last two classes I "needed" (which I don't actually need) was also the day I got my first article greenlit. Cue the "fork in the middle of the road" metaphor. lol. I felt a peace when it came to writing for EpicPew. I feel a tightness in my chest and a foreboding feeling when I think about the SLP path. It was a no-brainer; I was going to stick to writing and not return to Utah State.

Ever since I decided to give an honest effort to make it as a writer (which isn't easy!), I've felt an enormous peace settle in my heart and in my very being. I gave a half-hearted try when I had finished my undergrad degree in 2012 because I felt called to it... but the pressure to do something that had a more steady income made me abandoned that dream. I wish I hadn't because all it did was get me $43k in student loan debt (I only had $2,000 student loan debt after I finished my first B.A.).

So, what's my takeaway from this long (and, literally, costly) mistake? That one shouldn't ignore what one feels called to out of fear (in my case, financial stability) because God always finds a way to provide. Even before I had finished my first degree, I'd felt like God was slowly tugging me into a career as a writer. When Patrick Madrid gave me my first big writing break in 2010 (that led to other freelance writing gigs; some secular, some Catholic), I didn't even have writing on my radar as a possible career path. I loved writing but I didn't consider doing it for the Catholic world until it happened. Again, financial difficulties, as well as dry spells that every writer experiences, led me to abandon it when I really should've just abandoned myself to His Divine Providence. I mean, I eventually did... years later. lol. You live and learn, folks!

I guess I know why St. Francis de Sales kept popping up in my life for most of last year. He's now my vocation patron saint. I have weekly articles coming up on EpicPew. I have the memoir I'm ghostwriting. I'm working on my third novel (which has undergone a change from its original plot). I hope God continues to show me what He wants me to do... and that I continue to have the courage to do it, even if it means that things may get a little difficult (financially) at times.

That's it for now. I'm doing an experiment to try to get my sleeping schedule back on track which involves shutting off all screens (laptop, phone, iPod touch) early so I need to go finish taking care of emails and everything else before my "screens off" time comes up. 

I hope you all have a lovely weekend! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

My Gifts from God?

This morning started out like any other morning on which I have errands to run. I tapped the "snooze" button on my iPod touch twice. "Oh, I can get ready in under 10 minutes," I reasoned. (side note: one of my guy friends can attest to this -- I made him keep track the last time we hung out just so I can say "yeah, well, Jose can tell you it's true." lol.) I got ready, grabbed reusable grocery bags (because they charge for plastic AND paper bags in CA), and headed out the door. I got into the van (I have access to a transportation service that allows me to reserve a ride where I need to go a day ahead of time) and I heard someone talking about prayer on the radio. "Hmm... talk radio? Christian radio?"

Drivers having Christian radio stations during the rides isn't new for me. It's usually the Hispanic drivers and it's usually a branch of Protestant Christianity. I kept listening to the listener talking about the Pledge of Allegiance being a form of prayer. Then the host of the program started talking. "Wait... I know that voice..." I said to myself. "Is that Patrick Madrid?" I asked the driver. Surprised by my question, he said it was. That sprung a conversation that made me think a lot about my faith and my role in the Church.

I told the driver that I was a Catholic blogger and he became excited. Seriously, stoked. He said that it was great that I shared my gift with others, especially other youth. It became clear that he thought I was much younger than I actually am. I get this a lot, especially when I don't wear makeup (which is about 98% of the time). He told me that he used to be a confirmation teacher before he began driving for the company. He shared how difficult it was to teach confirmation because a lot of young people are apathetic to the faith. Not only do they feel forced to be there, their parents are just as bad. "I'm glad there are people like you who are sharing your faith," he said to me. "We need more young people to help evangelize youth." That reminded me why I felt a great pull towards doing youth ministry.

Long story short, over the last couple of years I've had a lot of younger (teens into early 20s) Catholics spring up conversations with me over a myriad of topics. I've also had random adults open up to me but it's mostly youth who do this, both in person and online. I guess they just see me and they go "hmm, maybe she'll understand." Maybe it's because I look so young or maybe there's something about that I don't see but makes other people feel comfortable divulging big things they want to talk about. Either way, I've felt like the Holy Spirit has used me to help (to the best of my abilities) these young people... which sent me down this path of wanting to work with youth.

I thought about this -- about how this weekend I'm getting introduced to the kids at my parish and how I will have to overcome a fear (getting home a bit late on a Sunday night; I live in a shady neighborhood) to go to these meetings. I thought about all the young Catholics who've felt safe enough to open up to me over the years. Though I don't feel particularly wise, I always ask the Holy Spirit to help me figure out what to say to them. I thought about how many private messages I've gotten about certain blog posts, filled with gratitude about opening up about certain topics. I've never really seen writing as my gift (I didn't become an English major for a reason, lol) nor have I considered youth opening up to me as a gift... but maybe I should. Not in the "oh, I'm so great. Boom! Look what I can do!" way but more "wow, okay, God gave this to me to share with others; to bring others closer to Him."

I, of course, can't do it by myself. The Holy Spirit needs to help guide me because I feel clueless more than half the time. lol. The internal monologue goes something like this: "What am I doing? Are You sure I'm not seriously underqualified? I feel underqualified. Alright... if it's what You want..."

Alright, God... You have my attention. You got my attention through a fellow Catholic who was listening to Patrick before I even stepped inside the van. He said things that both humbled me in the best way (which I'm keeping to myself) and lit the fire within me. As my beloved Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati used to say, "Verso l'alto!"

Anyway, I just wanted to share these thoughts that have been bouncing around in my mind since this morning. I have to go get lunch started since mom will be home soon.

I hope y'all are having a great weekend thus far! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Best. Week. Ever. Thank you, God!

Isn't my new desktop crucifix pretty? It comes from the Holy Land. *insert Catholic fangirling squeals* 

Having a week that is packed with back-to-back good news and events is rare. However, I am declaring last week the "best week ever"... or at least of the past 4 years. So just what happened to make it the best week ever? I shall tell you.

I know y'all know about my big news from last week's What I Learned Wednesday post; that I was accepted to Utah State's Communicative Disorders and Deaf Education program. If you read the post you know that I'm only doing this in the meantime (the financial crunch in an expensive city is real, y'all) and that I will pursue a Master of Arts in Theology when things are a little more financially stable (and I am more prepared to teach or do something with the degree). That was huge... but then things got better.

On Thursday, I went in for my follow-up doctor's appointment. They made me wait nearly 3 months for my gluten test results. My doctor is actually new as my former doctor abruptly left so he didn't know I was supposed to get my results. I did ask him before I left and he said that they had come back negative. That means that after a three month Eucharist-free life, I can once again receive it.

I was on cloud 9 when I heard that. I had not attended daily Mass because I cried every time I went to Mass and couldn't receive the Eucharist in either form and going to daily Mass would've been torture for me (not to mention emotionally draining). And before you ask (and I got this asked a lot), I couldn't do wine because I had a bad reaction the last time I had done it. After you spend the day in bed with bodily aches, you tend to not try what made you sick again. I actually let my SD know at Mass yesterday and I think he was as stoked as I was because he saw how it drained me. 

So, daily Mass and communion starts again tomorrow. I couldn't yesterday because I haven't gone to confession in two weeks and I missed Mass last Sunday so I didn't feel right receiving (even though I was sick last Sunday). Thankfully my parish has confessions 4 times a week so I can go tomorrow. :D Odds are I will cry tears of joy. Y'all don't know just how much I ache (yes, ache; sounds dramatic but I don't know how else to describe it) for the Eucharist. Sure, I offered it up but to be able to receive again is amazing.

And then on Saturday came a huge day for me. As many of you know, I have so much respect for Patrick Madrid for several reasons. He gave me my first real break as a writer by publishing two of my articles in Envoy Magazine (issues 9.3 and 10.1). Not only that, he kept in touch with me while I was at my horrible CINO college alma mater and offered me the support I needed to get through it in one piece. He's sort of like a second dad (and I've even jokingly asked him to adopt me) and I feel blessed. 

Patrick talking about why he's Catholic. Taken from the merch table where I was hanging out.

Well, this past Saturday I was finally able to meet him in person for the first time since I "met" him online over 4 years ago. He was a speaker at the Catholic apologetics conference that was held at the St. Joseph Center in Alhambra (run by the wonderful Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart of Los Angeles). I didn't get to talk to him for long but I was happy for the time we did get to chat. (side note: For the record: no, I am not posting the picture that I took with Patrick because, as some of you know, I was threatened and it was substantial enough that it was decided that it was no longer safe for me to post any pictures of myself online.)

I did not stay for the entire conference (insert rant about the transportation network/system I use), I was able to stay for part of it and, I have to say, it definitely reminded me of why I love being Catholic. If you haven't gone to an event where he's speaking at, I highly recommend you do. The "okay, young lady, Theology as soon as possible" feeling definitely burned brighter in my heart. I know God wants me to do something for the Church but I also know He wants me to take care of other things before I can do this.

By the end of the week (Sunday) I was feeling pretty awesome. I had an amazing week and it ended with me getting a crucifix from the Holy Land *points to first picture in post*. All of this got me thinking about how I may never not think that everything happens for a reason.

I have this motto for whenever I feel like the world is crumbling around me: we go through hard times because something wonderful is coming up and it'll make us appreciate it that much more. I truly believe this. I have been struggling with stomach problems for over a year now yet and, as part of doctor tests, I couldn't receive the Eucharist for a couple of months. If I loved it (Eucharist) before, I am even more enamoured with it now. I struggled at a terrible school where professors made me feel like I was a thorn in their side and was nothing but an unwanted pest, and I got accepted (in three days!) to my top choice for my pre-MA SLP program.

All I could do during Mass was smile and thank Him for all the blessings he had bestowed on me last week. I try to thank Him for everything that has happened in the past but all these things have made me even more hyper-aware of all the blessings I get, whether or not they are good. Even the bad things have a silver lining that show God's love for us.

Anyway, I just wanted to share this all with you. I also want to thank all of you who have consistently prayed for me; for my health, for my school situation, etc. I couldn't have gotten to where I am without y'all. :)

That's it for now. I have a couple of things to do -- including planing a wedding before next Friday. Yep. Last minute plans though this has been a wedding in the making for several years now. A bit of a headache but it's a fun one and I get to look at beautiful churches in England soon. ;)

I hope y'all had a wonderful weekend and have a fantastic week this week.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Poorly Catechized? Learn! Teach!

I took this picture a couple of years ago. It was one of the first books I bought when I reverted to the faith.

This is the second part to last week's blog post (which should've been written/posted sooner). It took longer than anticipated because of work and errands... and life. :) Yeah. I'm a little behind on a lot of things but I will catch up over the weekend. :D

So, results of my little poll? Almost everyone who responded said they were poorly catechized. Ouch. There are a number of reasons why people think they weren't properly taught. We can all point fingers (I know I kind of did as well). What I didn't hear much about was what was being done to remedy it.

Where am I going with this? Well, to put it bluntly: we can't use the fact that we were poorly catechized as an excuse to what we do anymore. Yes, it's not easy to go back and learn things (especially if you've been out of school or away from the Church for so long) but it's not impossible. Don't know the Beatitudes, or the fact that there are two different sets of Beatitudes? Grab the nearest Catholic (*cough*complete*cough* - hee!) Bible and look it up. If you've been learning as an adult yet you still have questions, ask a priest or someone you respect. I know I bugged Patrick Madrid a couple of times during my junior and senior years of college for book suggestions. And, by the by, he has a great show called Right Here, Right Now which can be heard on Immaculate Heart Radio on weekdays. You can call in during the show and ask questions which you are wondering about. The point is, it's never too late to learn. Think of it this way: St. Augustine of Hippo, one of greatest Catholic minds of all time, was 32 when he converted. It's never too late to learn more about our beautiful religion.

One more thing before I get off my soapbox: if you love the faith and have the time to teach others, why don't you? Become a catechist, start a blog, tweet fun Catholic facts, etc. We're in the Year of Faith; this is the perfect time to do something. The results of the election, as well as the tweets from the Bishops and Bloggers Dialogue weekend, have really lit the fire under me. I don't know about y'all but... I seriously want to learn all that I can (even more so than before) and then pass it on to the younger generation. We have an amazing opportunity to really do something... yet we get lazy or sidetracked by so many things.

I think I'm going to do a little something starting this month that I hope will help in my own little nerdy way. Being a bookworm and having a weird compulsion to document my progress, I think I'm going to tackle a couple of simple books on Catholicism and write what I've learned. If anyone wants to join in (whether it be reading, interviewing, researching, etc), I welcome you to do so. I'm going to tag those posts as #WhatILearnedWednesday or #WILW. I may not get through one book per week but I will keep track of it for the rest of the Year of Faith. Embarrassing (as in "yeah, I really didn't know that") or not, I will write down what I learned.

Anyway, just wanted to write this out and I hope that at least one person reads this and is inspired to do something. And now, to get some work done before I enjoy the rest of my weekend. :D

I hope y'all had a great week and have a fantastic weekend.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

It's Official: I'm Getting Published

Now, before everyone gets too excited, I must remind y'all that I'm still under the May 28th deadline to finish my novel -- which is actually on the brink of finally being completed. :D Having said that, y'all know I am not talking about my novel. Do you guys and gals remember me alluding to some big news that I wanted to share but couldn't until I got the official word? Well, today I got the message from Patrick Madrid that an article I'd written for Envoy Magazine will be indeed be published in the next issue. :D I wrote this article back in late January-early February and I don't know how I managed to contain my excitement all these months. I know my own posse (haha!) is surprised by the news because, really, only two people (one of them being my good friend Kathryn) outside my immediate family knew I'd written this article. lol.

I won't say what I wrote about, you'll have to wait until the issue is published to read it for yourselves. I will say that it was something very personal and near and dear to my heart... and it took me much longer to write than anything else I've written (except for the novel). It's a little nerve wrecking since I haven't had anything really published on this level before. My former college's literary magazine doesn't really count since I mainly helped on the artwork and that book of poems that I wrote (and was technically published) when I was 12 years old was a little thing. This is big for me and I am blessed and honored to have gotten this chance. :D

This is all I can say... for now. This is a huge deal for me because I got to write something that I both loved and for a Catholic publication, which is really what I've wanted to do. Though I just returned to the faith less than 4 years ago, I've been "training" to be a writer since I was a little bambina and being able to combine it with my other passion (my faith) is just amazing. :D

One thing, though, don't expect to see the name Emmy Cecilia on it since I am using my actual name. Emmy is a nickname I was given (and the name a majority of my friends and professors call me) and Cecilia is my confirmation name. I will let you guys what name to look for when the issue comes out (although, if you're on my Facebook list you already know what name to look for.)

Well, it's still early and I have many errands to run so I will try to publish the back posts (two Music Mondays, two movie reviews, two book reviews, etc) later on today or early tomorrow morning. :D

I hope you all have a great day and are having a wonderful week thus far. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Happy St. Patrick's Day

This honorary, "adopted" Irish lass wishes you all a happy St. Patrick's Day. I say I'm adopted being I was officially named an honorary Irish lady (hello repetition) by Corey from the awesome podcast and website, Irish Fireside, two Christmas' ago. I have the note with the Shamrock Christmas ornament he sent me to keep that lovely memory. I have been mentioned on the podcast before but I won't say which one because he says my full name and y'all know I'm a bit wary about that (for now, at least).

I'm sure all the other Catholic blogs have been writing similar things about St. Patrick so I'm not going to. All I will say is that I LOVE this holiday and it surpasses many other holidays (including Valentine's Day, *gasp*). I've always loved the Irish culture and people, and I used to lament not being Irish as far back as junior high, so this particular day makes me very happy. Many of my favorite saints are Irish as well: St. Dymphna, St. Fiacre, St. Brigid of Ireland/Kildare, and (of course) St. Patrick. I hope to one day visit the places where they once lived/preached/breathed. I also have a great wish to go visit the Shrine of Our Lady of Knock at some point in my lifetime. :D

Before I end this post, let me just say a Happy St. Patrick Feast Day to all those named Patrick, including Patrick Madrid and my friend Melissa's infant son whose middle name is Patrick. :D

That's all for today. I'm attempting to get all my homework done early so I can focus on my big Humanities paper which is due on Saturday night. So far, I've finished all the work for my Art class (including the quiz, whoo! :D) and am not too far from finishing my Creative Writing work. :D

Until next time, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D