A Lenten Beginning: Sacrifices, Laments, and a Humble Plan

As I write this, I'm sitting cross-legged on my bed, awaiting the EWTN app on my Roku to turn on so that Mom and I can watch the "live" (read: rebroadcast from earlier) Mass from Rome in a couple of minutes. Since Mom is much more comfortable with the Spanish language, we're going to watch it on the EWTN en Español feed. As you can guess by this action, we were unable to get to Mass today.

We knew that we weren't going to be able to go to the 7 a.m. or noon-time Masses because of the heavy rain predicted for those times but I had hope for the 7 p.m. Mass. Sadly, due to the rain (it apparently hasn't stopped raining all day) and the flooding in the streets, we're going to be stuck at our apartment until possibly Friday. Insert sad panda face here. Thankfully, we stocked up on food and other possible necessities in anticipation of the rain and street flooding so we'll be fine stuck inside for a couple of days.

I really, really wanted to get to confession and Mass today. I wanted those ashes on my forehead. I wanted to start Lent "right." I'm currently fighting back tears from the disappointment and the frustration of it all. I know it's silly but I cannot shake off the feeling that I'm not starting Lent the proper way. Or, at the very least, the way I wanted it to start. It's bad enough that I cannot fast nor abstain from meat. I feel like this penitential season is easier for me than everyone else and it makes me feel like I'm a terrible Catholic as a result. I'm constantly reminded of how my daily life is compromised of continuous sacrifices and penances but it still doesn't seem like enough.

My (once again) vitamin D-deficiency-induced chronic fatigue makes me sacrifice my social life and having a "normal" work life outside the home. It also requires me to swallow my pride and ask for help when I cannot do something myself; something hard for someone as independent and (once) active as I am. I also think that I end up sacrificing my want of a husband and family because these things aren't exactly guy magnets. On the contrary, they scare guys away.

I know my life isn't "easy" but I'm so used to it that I don't even consider it hard. This is because I have the luxury of being able to work from home and thus sleep as much as my body requires it. I have a roof over my head and we've been able to create a household budget to be able to afford the food that helps keep me fed and as healthy as possible. I've chosen to help my mother with the household expenses through whatever freelance writing work I can get. I help take care of her when she needs it but I don't have other responsibilities beyond that. I'm so very fortunate in many ways others aren't.

Sure, I can't go on vacation or buy any material things that I may want. If I want something, I have to work hard and save up for it for months if it requires money. Even then, I think long and hard about whether I truly need it instead of just wanting it. If I don't need it, I end up giving it up for something that is necessary. But I see this all as a part of being an adult; of putting needs ahead of wants.

I guess this is something I have to work on this Lenten season -- being okay with my limitations and letting go of all the things I want to do (or think I need to do).

Humility is my chosen word this Lent; my chosen virtue to work on to combat that wounded pride that my independent and egotistical nature struggles with when I have to admit "defeat"; to admit that I can't do what I want to and do what I can. Lord knows how much this proud gal needs to be humbled and I'm hoping God grants me the graces necessary to become and stay humble. I hope all of this will make me be more open to His plans and will for my life; that it will make me more worthy of an eternity in Heaven.

I feel like this plan -- to cultivate humility -- was set in motion when I did the 54-day Rosary novena late last year when I asked to become more like our Blessed Mother. In a providential twist, she and St. Therese -- another beautiful model of humility -- became my co-patronesses for the year; my models who have also been my constant companions over the last couple of months. I didn't know why both kept popping up in my life so much but now it's starting to make sense. So, that is what I'm going to do -- look at their lives, learn from them, and work on emulating them this season and beyond. There is also something else -- or, I should say, someone else through a specific devotion -- that I will focus on during Lent that will hopefully help with my focus but it deserve its own blog post so stay tuned for that.

Does anyone else have any particular goals they're working on during Lent?

Anyway, this is it for now. I have some Lenten reflections to get to before it gets any later in the day.

I hope you're all having a good start to the Lenten season.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!

Unplanned Craziness

Lent has not been easy... and we're only 5 days into it (not counting Sunday).

On Ash Wednesday I was hit with something that had me in bed all day and didn't let me get out of the house until Friday. That means I didn't get ashes... nor did I attend Mass or go to confession. I also hadn't planned on eating chicken on Fridays but my diet is so restricted (I felt terrible on Thursday after unintentionally fasting and getting no protein that day) and I've been sick so I had no choice. I had been looking forward to doing it all "right" but, well, we can't always plan these things to work out in our favor.

From Saturday through Sunday, I traveled. Mom and I went down to San Diego and crossed the border into Tijuana on Saturday. The reason for this was because I had some dental work to be done. We have a family friend who is a dentist and when she heard how much they were charging me (out of pocket) Stateside, she told me to go down and she'd take care of it for me. It turns out I didn't even need one of the root canals the dentists here were pushing... and, really, there was a lot that I thought I needed but didn't actually need. In fact, I didn't even get a single root canal done; she just repaired the chipped molar and did other things that dentists here didn't want to do but were necessary because of how fragile my health has been. (Those were her own words; they were putting me at a greater risk for refusing to fill a big cavity and the chipped molar.) It took us nearly 2 hours just to cross the border (by car) back into the States on Saturday night and then we slept for a couple of hours before we had to get up to get the train back to L.A.

What was supposed to be a day trip turned out to be a 2-day trip because we didn't want to get home after 1 a.m. on Sunday. Two women by themselves, in our part of the county? Um, no, thank you. I'm grateful for Amtrak because I only slept 2 hours on Saturday and 6 on Sunday. Being able to sleep on the train was lovely, even if my neck was hating me at the end of both trips. Also, because of the change of plans, we ended up missing Mass yesterday. We arrived home around 10 a.m. but I crashed after I ate breakfast. I hadn't eaten well on Saturday (and only had about half of the daily recommended water intake) so my body (still recovering from the cold and what hit on Wednesday) needed to crash. Even for evening Mass, I wasn't sure if I would've been okay to drive with my slight lightheadedness and my new toothache (which lasted about 36 hours). I kept drifting in and out of sleep for most of yesterday. I think I may need all of this week for my body and mind to recover. It's an INFP and/or HSP thing, I'm sure.

In between all of that crazy, I failed to pray the Saturday morning prayers in the Little Office and the chaplet of the Divine Mercy before the day ended. I actually fell asleep while praying the last decade of the Rosary on Saturday night. I've also failed to do any of the meditations in my Blessed is She prayer journal... and doing any reading in either Introduction to the Devout Life or Roses Among Thorns, both by St. Francis de Sales.

I've done okay with staying off social media, with the exception being yesterday when I had to log into Facebook to change my password because someone else had logged into it and on Saturday afternoon when I logged into Instagram just to get that location stamp stating that I was at the U.S.-Mexico International Border. I didn't check anything else; I simply changed the password for FB and logged out of Instagram once I had the location stamp on it. I do miss social media, especially Instagram, but I've been able to do a lot without getting lost in the scrolling.

As for giving up talking, it's been hit and miss. I hope that it'll be better now that I'm on Spring Break (early, I know) and the craziness of the trip and having to study for this past weekend's exam (I passed despite only studying for less than a day!) has passed. We do have something special planned this weekend (our young adult group is doing something lovely for Lent) and I know that these people all inspire me to be more mindful of what I say so it'll be good for me.

Do any of you have a hard time getting back on track when your plans get super derailed like mine did over the past couple of days? If so, any tips on what could help get it back on track? I've been struggling with studying (seriously, I had only 1 day to study and memorize for Saturday's exam over the course of 3 weeks due to a number of things that popped up) and now I'm struggling with simply taking some time to pray during the day. Hopefully, I can figure out something during this week of "vacation"... though I don't know how much I'll actually rest because the end of the week is looking crazy busy again. Honestly, sometimes I think God is saying "No, you're still doing too much. Slow down and take care of yourself" when I get this busy.

Anyway, I should get going. I'm still feeling a bit lightheaded (not sure if it's lack of fluids, too much sleep, or an effect from Saturday's dinner when they accidentally added cheese to my plate... after I had explained that I was allergic) and I want to rest for a little while in hopes that I'm well enough to go pick up Mom from work a little later.

I hope y'all are having a good Lent thus far!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Win a 2016 Magnificat Lenten Companion!

Yes, that is my actual face. lol. #AshTag

Hello, my dears. I hope your Ash Wednesday went well. I had a pretty packed day. A city inspector came to check our bathroom (which has remained gutted/undone since about October 19) and, presumably, put the pressure on the owners to get it done. Yeah, we need that bathroom, y'all. After that, I went to mom's work before we headed to Mass. We actually got there a bit early and something unexpected happened; something I still can't wrap my mind around.

We got to our parish about 20-25 minutes before Mass was scheduled to begin. That was done purposely because we have to rely on that public transportation system we have until we get our car returned. (side note: mechanic said later today. Fingers crossed!) We thought we'd just sit in the back and wait but we found that they were doing a short prayer and distributing ashes before the Mass began. We heard them do the Confiteor in Spanish as we walked towards the back doors and walked into the church while the Spanish-speaking priest did the blessing of the ashes in Spanish. We were going to sit when he began to ask if anyone could read the blessing in English. Everyone looked around and I found myself saying "I'll do it, Fr." Who am I and what have I done with Emmy? lol. Anyway, since I was just reaching the pew when I said it, I didn't have time to put things down. I ended up walking up with my tote bag and book.

I would be lying if I said my heart wasn't pounding as I read the prayer. I was trying to breathe properly while I read it and tried to focus on the fact that I was doing it for a greater good. I hate public speaking... with a passion. When I gave the valedictorian-style speech at my high school graduation, I shook. I hate the attention. It's extremely unlike me to volunteer to do anything, especially without thinking about it first. In fact, I honestly don't know what came over me. I didn't think about it. I just found myself saying "It'll do it, Fr." surprising myself in the process. Still, I read it without making a mistake (another miracle) and then headed back to my seat. Miracles do happen! lol.

Mass was great. I've never been to a proper bilingual Mass before but I enjoyed it, probably because I understood both languages without problem. Thanks for insisting that I be raised bilingual, Mom and Dad! After Mass we got our ashes and then we came back home. Did I finish everything I said I needed to finish before Lent? Nope. Two things are left over from my list as I type this out (it's currently Ash Wednesday; scheduling this post since I have stuff to do tomorrow as well). I'll get to them before I go to bed. They're not Lenten deal breakers. ;)

Anyway, when I got home I saw that the lovely folks at Magnificat got in contact with me about giving away one of their 2016 Lenten Companion apps for iPhone / iPod touch / iPad. I had actually put "look into Magnificat Lenten Companion" on my to-do list earlier this week so it worked out perfectly.

If you're wondering what it is, let me tell you. I have it downloaded on my iPod touch (since it goes everywhere with me), in my Lenten folder on the home page. The Lenten Companion has Morning, Evening, and Night prayers as well as Mass readings and Lenten meditations for every day of Lent. Other Lenten features include Chants for Lent and Easter, the Stations of the Cross, Prayers for Various Vocations, and much more. Sound like something you'd be interested in? Here's your chance to win a copy! Just scroll down to the bottom of the post and enter! Again, this is for the app, not the physical copy of it.

"But, wait, Lent already began!" you may be saying. True, but you can still use it for the rest of the days of Lent. Like I said, I was just contacted on Ash Wednesday or else I would've done it sooner. I also would've posted this yesterday except I fasted from social media all together and I didn't want to make this contest unfair by giving some people an additional day to enter so I waited to post this when it could be posted everywhere at the same time.

The contest will be over in a relatively short time (noon EST on Valentine's Day) because I didn't want some of y'all to go too far into Lent without having a chance to win this! If you don't win, I would highly recommend getting yourself a copy. No, no one is paying me to say this. As someone who has been super busy lately, I appreciate that this app is something I can take with me. I do have free time on the way to and from destinations and this is just perfect for a sort of mini retreat moment on the go. :)

Anyway, I still have a ton of stuff to do so I'm going to try to get that done.

I hope y'all had a great start to Lent!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D



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Lent with a Limited Diet

I can't fast during Lent. I couldn't fast before because of this hypoglycemic-type illness that I inherited from my mom, but I really can't fast these days because I need the calories. I am medically excused from fasting... and I'm actually also excused from abstaining from meat (as I was last year) because chicken is one of the few things I can eat without problems. Trust me, I asked a priest last year (I've had the same problem for a year and a half now) because of how limited my diet was/is and I was told that I can eat chicken if it's the only way that I can get my calories in. I need at least 1860 calories per day to gain weight, which is not easy if you can't eat all foods.

Before anyone starts listing what I "can" eat, saying that I have other options, please don't. I appreciate it but you guys don't know just how much I struggle with foods right now. I've tried high calorie every food I can think of and I've have problems with a number of them, mostly sensitivities to the foods that aren't quite allergies but bad enough for me to feel sick.

I can't eat fish because my tongue got a bit swollen the last time I tried it. I can't eat quinoa because it wrecks my stomach. I have some sensitivities to avocado so I can't eat 'em. Soy bloats me. Basically, I can't eat a number of things because of how bad my stomach currently is, most fruits included. I can't eat or drink any dairy or eggs because I have allergies to them. Trust me, I struggle to get my calories in on a daily basis so it's even more difficult during Lent so I am trying to stay away from chicken on Fridays.

Since I cannot fast, I have to find another form of penance... which has been not sleeping these days because of my PTSD. I actually did sort of do a form of penance yesterday for eating on Wednesday. I won't be able to do the same penance on Good Friday but I'll ask my spiritual director for some help. It's hard though. I don't like that I'm sort of excluded from participating in the fasting because of my stomach problems. Prior to my stomach problems, it was easier. I could eat pasta and other good foods. Now? I can't because of how acidic most of them are. It's a pain but it's what I have to go through.

I'm sharing this because of the comments about "not trying hard enough" or not wanting to "suffer" during Lent. It's off but, you know, some people who don't know will assume and I wanted to set the record straight. To recap: I am medically excused from fasting because of limited my diet is but I still try to stay away from meat unless it's the only way I can get my calories in. At the moment, I can get my calories in on Fridays without meat but if there's ever a chance that I can't, I know I'm good.

And, if you're wondering, yes, I will confess any meat consumed during Lent (such as on Ash Wednesday because I didn't have anything to eat... and I still came under my calorie count). I know I'm excused but I still feel guilty... in a good way. I say in a good way because I hope it means that I care.

Anyway, this is today's blog post. I was kind of stumped about what to write so I sort of wrote this on a quick whim. I'll try to think of better topics. ;)

I'll be back tomorrow... even if all I do is post some of my favorite Catholic themed memes found on tumblr. lol. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

#AshTag

I am skipping today's What I Learned Wednesday post to bring you a simple #AshTag picture.

This is a close-up of my ashes. Before you ask, it was done with a stamp by my spiritual director. Apparently Ash Wednesday stamps aren't very common elsewhere but they are in L.A. I've seen at least three parishes use them.

Anyway, I did wear my black mantilla to Mass (didn't seem right to wear my white; my own personal preference) but sadly you can't see it in this picture. Just take my word for it (unless you've seen the less extreme close up of the picture). :D

I hope you all have a fruitful and blessed Lenten season! I'll be blogging every day (or at least that is my goal; I'll explain more tomorrow) so stayed tuned to see how well I do... or how miserably I fail. lol.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

What I Learned Wednesday #10

Say "hello" to my little ashes... and freckles. lol. Extreme close up done to hide the horrible hair day I had today. Also but I don't wear make-up so you see everything. Oh well, I have nothing to hide. ;)

This will be a short list (compared to the other posts) because I have a couple of things to do before I call it an early night.

The only thing I have to write about today is the shocker that Pope Benedict XVI has handed in his resignation. And cue another ugly crying face in 3... 2... 1... When I heard about it for the first time, I was en route to Disneyland. I checked into Twitter and saw that he was trending. Didn't know why so I asked. Needless to say, I was left speechless. And then I cried. A lot. Silently but ugly crying face was in full effect. In true Emmy fashion, I looked out the window while I cried. I don't like crying in public and there were three other people in the car with me. Thankfully I wasn't driving. As expected, I didn't enjoy my trip to Disneyland but that's okay. None of my mattered at that point. All I knew was that my Pope (I'll get to this in a second) was stepping down and I was upset.

When I say that Pope Benedict XVI is my Pope, I mean that I returned to the Faith a year after he became our Pope. I was "Catholic" (ignorant about my Faith and didn't even think about it) when Bl. Pope John Paul II died. I remember the exact moment in which I read an online "journal" entry by the brother of a young man I was close to, talking about how he was waiting to see the "white smoke" appear to indicate that we Catholics had a new Pope... and how (sparing y'all expletives) he didn't understand why he even cared about it because he wasn't even religious; he was an atheist (if I remember correctly). I remember feeling very offended by what he said, not even knowing that I would revert almost a year and a half later. I always liked Pope Benedict XVI... even when I was away from the Faith. To this day, he's held a special place in my heart and it pains me to see him go.

Despite my own feelings about it, I can understand why he's stepping away. I get it. I don't like it but I understand why he's doing it. I thank him for everything he's done for us in the past eight years. He will always be my Pope. I will always be a card carrying member of the Papa Bene fan club. Would I have Pope Benedict XVI dreams if I weren't? ;)

Anyway, I haven't read everything on what's going to happen, what Papa Bene said (crazy last couple of days), so I can't expand on it. Maybe for next What I Learned Wednesday. To tie this into what I learned about the Faith: I had no idea it had been hundreds of years since the last time a Pope resigned. No clue. To be honest, I didn't even think it was still an option. I just assumed that modern Popes continued until they passed. See? I did learn something new this week. lol.

I'll stop writing before I look even more pathetic than I do now. lol. I still have many years of Catholicism to catch up on so have patience with me. ;)

You know the drill: if you have any prayer requests, send them my way! ;)

I'll write about my Ash Wednesday experience hopefully tomorrow. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless.

Ash Wednesday #AshTag? Yup.

Happy Ash Wednesday, y'all! I know this is late but I've been busy (mostly driving). Yes, those are my ashes on my freckled face. lol. My twitter is set to private and the #ashtag won't work because of it so I decided to just share it on here. :) I personally think Fr. Alexander made it look like a dove. ;)

I went to Mass this morning as usual and was very excited to see the entire church packed(standing room only) at 8 a.m. I'm not even going to criticize those who only attend Mass on Ash Wednesday, Easter, and Christmas because it's not my place to. Anyway, after Mass I received my ashes and have had to keep myself from accidentally touching them. lol.

I had my first "What's that on your forehead?" comment early on (at 10 something in the morning) and I followed that with an explanation on why we did it. The response to my explanation was "well, I'm Christian... we don't do that." Since I'm trying to not start any problems, I just thought "Well, I'm Christian too and I still did it." (Friendly reminder to those who didn't know: Catholics are technically Christian since we believe in Jesus Christ.) I got looks throughout the day but I didn't pay attention. Mom said Christian co-workers made fun of her and other fellow Catholics at work and then spewed hatred... you know, stuff we Catholics have unfortunately heard at some point of our lives.

Since this is a quick post, I won't write what I'm giving up for Lent... mostly because I'm not really giving up anything. I'm actually adding. I'll explain it all (hopefully) tomorrow since I'm exhausted from the driving and I have an early morning tomorrow with my Thesis adviser.

Quick question for those who will read this (since they are still up)... are any of you leaving your ashes on until they fade or are you washing it off today/tomorrow? I am always curious because everyone seems to have their own tradition regarding this. :)

Okay, that's it for now. This sinner just wanted to share my ashes with y'all. Hope the week's been going well for y'all. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

MIA from Mass, Lent Surprises, Irish-ness and Awards Shows.

I haven't written in 5 days. Sorry. I've been so caught up with all the medical stuff (tests and news, etc) that I've been either concentrating on that or sleeping. lol. I got sick again for a couple of days (usual fatigue, lightheaded feeling, etc) so I stayed in bed most days last week. I was sick up until yesterday, too. I actually missed Mass which sucked. I was there for less than 5 minutes before I knew I wouldn't make it through the entire mass and I had to leave... of course, teary eyed and all. I HATE that I've been missing mass but it's beyond my control at this point. :( Hopefully I will get strength to make it to mass sometime this week and I will definitely try again next Sunday.

Even though I've started Lent on a bummer, I am getting little surprises here and there that totally make my day. On Ash Wednesday I received the book "The Life of Teresa of Jesus" along with 2 bookmarks with her picture on it and 2 St. Dymphna prayer cards (which I have been wanting for a while now). (ed. And I need to remember to write about my crazy dream involving St. Teresa of Avila, tomorrow.) I actually ordered these things a month ago and they were actually 2 weeks late. It was awesome that I received these things on Ash Wednesday. Totally made me feel better about not getting my ashes, even though it's obviously not the same. Ooh, and I found out a Santo Niño de Atocha website featured one of my first blogs (from December) and I had no clue about it. lol. Seriously, I have no idea people outside my group of friends would read this blog. :D Well, thanks. :D

I received these really good candies from my good friend in Germany. Of course, I don't speak or read much German so I have no idea what's in them, but they sure are good. Haha. These candies took almost 2 months to get here too. They were a Christmas gift (Christmas letter included) that I just received. Good thing the candies didn't expire or get all weird in transit. lol. And, now I have sweets to last me through Lent... and beyond. Whoo! Today was also pretty awesome because my eldest brother came to visit... and because it was a "cool" 82 degrees Fahrenheit in the city which meant that I didn't have to wear a sweater. :D

You know what I just realized? Valentine's Day is coming up in less than 3 days. You know what else? I'm looking forward to St. Patrick's Day more than V-Day. Haha. I'm serious. Though I do consider myself a hopeless romantic and a sucker for romance and mushiness, I don't make a big deal out of this particular holiday. If I do, it's usually because I've planned a Spa Day with my girl friends. Who says it has to be a day only about romantic love and not platonic or familial love? I actually have a guest blogger who will write about that in the coming days. But, for me... give me St. Patrick's Day and I will be happy.

I have always been in love with the Irish culture. I remember how happy I was when I first sang "Carrickfergus." I absolutely loved it, and I actually still do. I also remember a very young me telling my friends how I wished I was Irish to avoid getting pinched for not wearing green on St. Patrick's day. lol. I don't know why but I've found the culture fascinating and have also felt connected to it somehow. The music (both folk and contemporary), the customs, the mythology... just everything about Ireland seems beautiful to me. I was recently talking to my friend about how we both love the country so much, we're going to go have a bachelorette trip out there as soon as one of us gets engaged to be married (money's on her to get married before I do). I remember when I found out St. Dymphna (one of my patron saints) was Irish, I almost did a cartwheel. Yes, I'm that much of a dork. :D I wanted to study in Ireland for the semester abroad but, sadly, none of the schools have an agreement with my school so it's been ruled out. Well, that is, until I find a loophole which I bet I can find. :D Anyway, before I move on from this topic I have one more thing to say/post about subject...

You're 65% Irish

You're very Irish, and most likely from Ireland. (And if you're not, you should be!)

How Irish Are You?

There you have it. haha.

Well, yesterday I caught two shows in between sobs (caused by not being able to attend mass properly)... the BAFTAs and the Grammys. This is the second year I've been able to watch the BAFTAs (thank you, BBC America). "Atonement" won, which I was happy about. James McAvoy didn't win (grr!) but, to be fair, the person who did win did a stellar job on his film so I can't be too peeved about it all. lol. The Grammys were MUCH better than they have been in years. I usually just tune it to watch for certain categories but this year, I couldn't stop watching it. I liked most of the performances (including the one of Alicia Keys duetting with Frank Sinatra). A few people I wanted to win, actually won... which was awesome. And, how incredible is it that Herbie Hancock won Album of the Year? Which other jazz artist (not counting Norah Jones) has won Album of the Year in the last 3-4 decades? As a jazz junkie, I was thrilled. I was also SO happy they played "Rhapsody in Blue" by George Gershwin during the telecast. If there was ever a song that could describe me (without any lyrics), that would be the one. I cannot think of a more perfect song; totally love it.

Alright, well. I will stop boring people for now. lol. I am still planning on doing a Valentine's Day themed blog on Wednesday. I have no clue what I will write about tomorrow... but that's the fun part in writing a blog. :D Until the next time... thanks for reading and God Bless.

Ash Wednesday, Lent, Football Internationals and Elections.

Ash Wednesday has come and gone. I, unfortunately, didn't even make it to my local parish (which is about 2 minutes away) because I was in bed all day today. Dizzy feelings, a lot of fatigue, nausea, etc... not a pretty picture. I don't think I would've had the strength to wait in line to get my ashes if I had gone to church. :( I was looking for to it, too. So, this marks the second year in a row I haven't received ashes on Ash Wednesday and it's sad. :( Last year, my dad was really sick with his chemo so we couldn't do anything. This year I was sick, mom has another severe cold so she's been sleeping whenever she can and dad has his at-home chemo so he isn't completely able to do much either. Bah! Luckily, it isn't mandatory to have ashes but still... it doesn't make me feel right for some reason. :( Next year will (hopefully) be better because there's an actual chapel on campus and they hold masses and everything so I can just walk from my dorm room to the chapel. :D

Today, (well, technically yesterday because it's past midnight) Lent began. I tried my hardest to fast for as long as I could... which was 11 hours and 45 minutes. I tried to make it to noon but I began to feel reeeally sick and I said "Forgive me Lord, but I have to eat or else I will get even more sick." I didn't eat meat (yay!) and had to remind my mom not to even eat chicken. Technically, we're all excused from fasting (dad's over 60 and mom and I both have that thing where we have to eat every 2-3 hours or else we get sick -- it's genetic) but I tried to do a bit of it. Now, I have to eat and eat because of those hours I didn't eat. I have a busy day later today which is why I am trying to regain some of the strength I lost from the mini-fast. Blah.

Oh, and I watched my last football (soccer) matches today (err, yesterday) because I didn't give up international matches, but I will not watch ANY of the Liverpool FC matches... which is the hardest thing because they are playing Chelsea this weekend and it's going to be one of those games you can't miss. Bah! lol. Well, at least I got to see pretty good games. England beat Switzerland 2-1 (whoooo!) and Mexico and the U.S. tied. I'm neutral when it comes to those teams so I was fine with the 2-2 draw. I was excited to see Steven Gerrard as England captain because I am a sucker when it comes to him. lol. The USA-Mexico game was good because it was a lot more physically aggressive... especially when one of the Mexican players and Tim Howard (the U.S. goalkeeper) started kicking and pushing each other down. Oh man... the rivalry between these two teams is insane. Dad managed to watch most of the game (in between dosing off and trying to stay awake) just because he loves "how bad the Mexican team has gotten." Watching the game with dad was seriously the highlight of my day because he and I crack up over the dumbest things. lol.

Before I wrap up my blog for today (I am hungry and it's nearly 1 a.m.)... I would like to say that I didn't vote for their candidate that won California. That's right, I didn't vote for McCain or Clinton. Personally, I'd love to see Huckabee win the Republican nomination. For the Democratic side, Obama is (in my opinion) the better candidate. Ultimately, I would like to see Huckabee as president. I am technically registered as a Democrat but that's because when I registered at 18, I was very liberal with politics. Now that I've gotten back to everything, I'm more moderate than anything(not too liberal but not too conservative) so I'm going to be changing my political party... mostly likely to Independent. I do consider myself to be closer to the Republican party but I don't always agree with what the candidates have to offer so I'd like to be able to vote either way. If anyone wants to sway me to go completely Republican or Democrat, please be my guest... you can post a comment below. :D

Alright, well... I have to get up early tomorrow for an appointment and then run some errands so I could quit writing for tonight and get some food in my tummy before I call it a night. Thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Fat Tuesday, Back to the Hospital and Old Friends.

I have eating as much meat as I could today because tomorrow is the first day of Lent and that means no meat! My mom made these really good spicy pork chops and dad made chicken soup so... WHOO! lol. I know I'm excused from fasting because I'm sick (I made sure I knew if I was excused) but I still won't eat meat tomorrow or on Fridays. I actually am fasting for the first 12 hours of the day (I am going to be eating until 11:59 p.m. tonight) but that won't seem like a big deal because I will be sleeping for about 9 - 10 of those hours. lol. I usually don't eat much meat in the first place so abstaining for meat isn't a big deal for me. I have other things to eat. :D I bet restaurants love today because they know the day before Lent is the day everyone goes out and eats all these delicious foods we have to give up for 40 days. ;)

I didn't do much today. I went to vote for the candidate I believe would be a great president and then came home and waited 'til I had my doctor's appointment. I was surprisingly mellow today, in terms of not worrying about the appointment, but I should've probably been nervous because I found out something that made me wig out for a few minutes. I actually went in for one thing but the doctor decided to check something else while she had be there and she discovered something on my right side, which I will have to get an ultrasound for. *groans* So, it's back to the hospital to get more tests done, more blood drawn, and more stress put on me. I have a feeling one of my best friends isn't going to be too happy with this added stress I was given because he's trying to keep me relaxed. Sorry hun! While I was on the verge of tears when I first got the word, I am very calm right now. I don't know why. I mean, this thing could potentially be (God forbid) breast cancer (and, yes, it's possible even at my age) but I think I've dealt with so many of these things that I know I shouldn't jump to conclusions. I am not going to make myself more anxious by worrying about it. I'm just going to pray to God that it all come out alright and that it's nothing I can't handle. Okay, I'm a little scared and nervous but at least I'm not going crazy. At least, not yet. lol. See? I'm trying to keep my sense of humor. *sigh*

I could sit here and do the whole "Why me? Why again? Haven't I suffered enough?" bit but I don't see a point in doing it. I always say that God never gives us things we can't handle so I'm not even going to start questioning it. I'm just going to look at it as yet another thing that will keep me on track with my faith and that will make my bond with God that much stronger. I'm just going to focus on my anxiety (because THAT is the thing I am most worried about) and also focus on getting in touch with old friends.

A few nights ago I had a dream about old friends from a former school of mine. Yesterday I decided to try to get in touch with them again (by the by, they're all guys :D). These 3 guys are some of the nicest guys you'll ever meet. They'd walk me to classes (not all of them though, lol), they'd walk me to my car to help me with the creepy weirdos that used to follow me, we used to hang out when we could... these guys were/are just awesome. I missed them and this dream sort of made me realize it. Today I talked to one of them for a bit, which was awesome. He doesn't live too far so hopefully we'll get a chance to hang out before he moves away. Hopefully their girlfriends (yes, all 3 have girlfriends) don't mind me getting in contact with them again. I'm just trying to see how the guys are; I come in peace. lol. Besides, I'm not "on the market" so they have nothing to worry about. :D I love getting in touch with old friends... which is what I have been doing a lot of lately. Last year, it was childhood friends (and all boys, too, lol) who found me. This year, I'm putting the effort in touching base with some of my friends from a while back. :D All of this reminds me... I need to e-mail Mr. Navy (a friend I've known since kindergarten) about an old picture I found from when we were 5 years old. I bet he'll get a kick out of it. :D

Alright, well, it's nearly 11 p.m. so I have about an hour left to completely stuff myself before I can't eat anything anymore. lol. By the way, this 12 hour fast is something my dad told me about. They used to fast for the first 12 hours of Ash Wednesday in Mexico (at least, the part his family's from) so that is where I got the idea. I will have to talk to one of the priests about the other fasting days soon; I didn't get a chance to talk to them today.

As usual, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Ch-Ch-Changes and Lent

My goodness, so much has happened in the last couple of days that all the plans I had have just dramatically changed. I do have writing in my near future, but the novel has been put on hold in favor of another project that has re-surfaced. Just when I thought I was out... they pull me back in. lol. It's good though. It's great writing experience for me and it'll definitely help me when I am go back to my book. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited about this change of plans. I don't think I've ever been as giddy as I am; at least not for a long time. :D I just hope God gives me strength to be able to complete the project through without any problems (any health problems, at least). I will also learn to give up sleep and other things, like watching football (soccer) matches, until I am done.

Speaking of giving up football matches... that is precisely what I am doing for Lent. After the way Liverpool played today, and have played lately, I won't be missing much. lol. I was thinking about giving up the internet as well but, since the change of plans, I won't be able to do it because I need to do a ton of research. It looks like most, if not all, of Lent will be spent at mass, the library and my home. I was thinking about the fasting portion of Lent (for Ash Wednesday, etc.) but I will have to talk to a priest about that because I can't actually fast. I get pretty sick if I don't eat every 3 hours so, we'll see. Hopefully there is something else I can do on the days we're required to fast.

Yes, this is the end of my blog for today. I'm spending the rest of the evening having quality time with one of my favorite guys, mainly doing research. Pfft. Research shouldn't be as fun as what I'm going to be doing (which is basically watching a bunch of DVDs and taking notes). Oh, yeah... if you see "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson popping up on my Last.Fm counter (shows what I am listening to at the moment; it's on the right side of this post), that is no glitch. It's my new favorite song hence listening to it obsessively. lol. :D Well, 'til next time... thanks for reading and God Bless. :D