Feeling Close to God?! No Sinning?! Celebratory Dance!

That's right... I'm getting better! Of course, I'm a sinner (we all are) but my little vacation from the 'net has proven to be the best decision I've made lately. :D I'll admit that I am not completely offline (wouldn't be updating this blog if I was ;D) and I am keeping in touch with one of my best friends/soul sister, Angelica, as we're working on something together but I have disconnected myself from all other socializing. I do miss tweeting and interacting with friends on Twitter and FB but it's been for the better. Though I slept a total of 16-17 hours yesterday (yeah, anxiety's not been kind to me lately), I've still been able to spend my time reading books that are good for my soul as well as meditating on my relationship with God, which is improving.

I've been doing the Novena of the Seven Gifts (though I am a day off as I started it late) and it's been an incredible experience for me. It's really gotten me to think about what is important and what I (now) know needs to be changed. The changes will not be easy (but the things that are good for us aren't always easy) and it'll take a lot of strength on my part but I am willing to do it in order to strengthen my relationship with God. :) I can't even begin to tell y'all how wonderfully I've felt taking time to better that relationship. I can't describe how much I love God nor how close I currently feel to Him at the moment. It's almost as if, by taking this nerd's vacation, God said "You're taking this seriously, aren't you? Okay, I am here. What's on your mind?" In the past couple of days (despite the anxiety issues), I've felt like He's been helping me through the spiritual roadblock I'd been trying to get around for weeks. It might be a little silly, but I feel like He's listening (really listening) to everything I may want to talk about, anything that's been bothering me. One of the most important things is that I'm getting better and letting things go and trusting Him to provide with what is necessary. It's not always easy but I'm getting better at it. :)

One additional perk about the nerd vacation? Less sinning! Since I've been on my Twitter and FB break, I've found myself avoiding little things that caused me to have uncharitable thoughts or words about certain people or things. Trash talking during football (soccer) matches has been cut down (to the point where not a single mean word was uttered) and I was able to enjoy my Gold Cup matches (btw, go USMNT!!!!) like I did when my dad was still alive and I was the one who told him to be more charitable with his words. lol. I've also been able to step back and see how some of my friendships (both online and in real life) were affecting me with the negativity even when it was not directed at me. I've come to realize that I am happiest when I surround myself with people who try to not act negatively (or superior) and/or who are able to control their words and actions. Of course we all slip from time to time but I've been able to see who makes a genuine effort to stop it and to not offend God (or, really, who have taken responsibility for their actions) and who I will need to pray for because it's not good for anyone involved. I never knew how much I was personally affected by some of the words some of my friends had for people they (and I did) don't agree with. I still maintain my position that even your worst enemies deserve to be treated with some sort of respect (if only because God loves us all and treating a fellow human being rudely is not very Christian like) and I was reminded of that.

To put everything I just wrote in a nutshell: I'm SO happy with how my nerd vacation is going. I feel closer to God (and I've thought about how maybe the anxiety forced to stop and take the time to repair the relationship) and it's so exciting. Many things that I was unsure of are now becoming clear. Anything I was doubting is being answered. And the sinning I had fallen into (which I don't know how I ever got caught in it) has been made clear so I may stop it (or at least attempt to). YAY! I think this calls for a celebratory dance! Anyone who wants to join me is free to do so. Dancing experience is not necessary. ;)

Anyway, this Mexico v.s. Cuba Gold Cup match is coming up in about an hour and I want to spend some time in prayer before it so I guess this will be it for now. :D I greatly appreciate the prayers y'all have sent me way. They've certainly helped me start this vacation off right. :D Y'all are the best! :D

I hope your week has been great and that the upcoming weekend (Pentecost Sunday to less) will be wonderful.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Little Nerd Vacation; Repairing My Relationship with God

I promise this picture, which I actually took (well, it's a screencap of the brief time I explored Second Life as part of my Art History course a year ago), is relevant to the post. And, yes, that's supposed to be the avatar version of myself. ;)

It may seem that I've already taken a break from posting but it is not so. Sorry but the days leading up to my birthday, my birthday, and the week after it has been pretty busy. Also, I ran across some writer's block so hence lack of posts. All of this activity has left me a bit drained (I'm so a Phlegmatic-Sanguine, lol) so I'm going to take a break from some of my online activity. Yes, I am having a little nerd's vacation. I'll more than likely blog post more often but I'll be on Twitter and Facebook less often. The only posts that will go up will be whatever is updated on Twitter through Foursquare and GetGlue, as well as links to new posts on this blog, but I think that will be it.

Before I get asked this, and I know I will, the reason for my break is simple. First (as I said) I'm a bit drained and I need time to recoup from everything. These past couple of days have not been easy on me. I asked for some clarity from God and I've gotten it so I'm going to take some time for myself. I especially came to the realization that I've shared more about myself lately than I usually do (on Twitter and FB) and I'm uncomfortable with the amount of prying into my more personal business people have done as a result. I've always been open (as you can read on the blog; I am honest on here) but to a certain degree. I'll only talk about things I feel comfortable sharing and I have never liked being pestered about things I do not want to disclose. If I say I don't wish to share something it's because I truly don't, not because I want to be asked repeatedly. I feel like I should be entitled to keep certain things to myself and my wishes to have this have not been honored and it doesn't make me feel good. Also, I've had a few problems with being taken advantage of and then having that person get terribly upset at me for not doing what they want. I'm only one girl and I can't do everything to please everyone. As much as I love you guys and appreciate everything y'all have done for me, there have been a few things that I have not been okay with that have hurt me. In order to maintain my sanity, and in order to keep myself on the right path, the only answer is to take a breather.

Second: well, I'm not really doing anything extraordinary; just taking a step back and disconnecting myself for the online world so that I can focus on sort of rebuilding my relationship with God (which I've felt has been stagnant for a while now). Trust me, I feel like the Catholic elitism online I've encountered as well as the negativity have affected me more than I would like to admit. I miss the times when we might've disagreed on things but we did it respectfully instead of trading insults. The criticizing, the name calling, the manipulating -- I imagine that the Lord would not be happy with some of our actions and I want to go back and repair my relationship with Him. I'll admit I've been caught up with the judging (though I've been able to catch myself and instantly regret doing it) and it's so unhealthy to do. Of course, it's human weakness but I should know better. This is a new side of myself that I am truly unhappy with. As I said, I will continue to blog because I want to show my progress (and any temporary roadblocks and failed attempts along the way) but that's pretty much the extent of my socializing for a couple of weeks.

I'm going to be spending time in my garden, reading books, praying, and just relaxing. I probably won't be sleeping in and indulging in other vacation staples (drat!) but it'll be good for me and in turn will make me someone y'all can rely on for things I am unable to give at the moment due to my feeling overwhelmed. :) I will post regularly as I will now have a reason to; so no one will think I got kidnapped by aliens during my vacation. lol.

Anyway, I'm off to get some things in order for said vacation. :) I hope y'all had a great weekend and have a great week. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Vacation, Mass, Dreams, Pope Benedict XVI, and Prince Caspian.

I really don't know where to start... so much has been going on since the day I decided to go on vacation. Well, I should start by saying that I was VERY surprised when I saw the massive merit scholarship I was given. I was going back and forth between two schools but this scholarship has pushed me towards accepting admission to one of the schools. I am SO excited and have yet to celebrate it. I definitely feel blessed and like this was a sign from God that this is the school I'm supposed to be attending. I also feel like a prayer to St. Jude a year and a half ago was answered as well, in the form of this scholarship. I tell ya, prayer works! :D What a way to start my vacation, eh?

Speaking of my vacation... I had a little too much fun. I'm actually back for a bit but do plan on going back on going back as soon as I get another opportunity. I was filled with so much happiness and love during those few days, it really made me forget all the illnesses and stress I've gone through lately. I had a LOT of fun. I got reacquainted with several aspects of my personality that I missed. I was so happy about that. :D Most of those days were either spent lazying around or going out. I've actually gotten out more than usual, which I am so grateful for because I believe I was developing cabin fever. lol. I definitely recommend taking a mini weekend vacation if you've been overly stressed out because it can do wonders for you! I very reluctantly came back. lol. I honestly felt like I could stay on my vacation (which, by the way, was here in my own home and hometown -- Miss CNW style ;)) until the summer was over but I have too much to do. Oh well. It was fun while it lasted. :D

One thing I got to do on vacation was go to Mass... at a new church... sitting in the first front rows... BY MYSELF! Yes, you read that right! Thank God, I was able to sit through the entire Mass without leaving. He definitely helped give me the courage to do so. I did actually get a little urge to leave for a few minutes when I thought I couldn't breathe (anxiety symptom) but I held the Miraculous Medal in my right hand and looked up at the Cross during Mass and asked God and the Blessed Virgin Mary to please give me the strength needed to make it through. And I did! Thank YOU to both of them! And, I should thank the priest who made the Mass fun with his tasteful jokes. So, thank you, too, Fr. Alexander!

Maybe all the positive feelings I've been experiencing have caused me to take my faith A LOT more seriously than before (and I was already pretty serious). I understand what my little sister says about being so full of love for the Lord. I finally get it. I had a dream last night where my spirit was literally lifted up so high that I was able to embrace Christ for a brief second before coming back down to earth. It's been one of my the most beautiful/wonderful dreams I've had... especially lately. No words can describe how amazing it was. This is the second dream in less than 2 weeks where I've seen and come in contact with him. Hopefully this means I'm doing something right and that I'm doing just what He'd like. I don't feel like I'm quite where I should be, and I still have a lot to do for Him, but I think I've finally found the right balance to achieve these things. :D

Oh, and before I forget, I am SO excited that Pope Benedict XVI is in the U.S. I watched a video clip of when he was greeted at the airport and I have to admit that I shed a couple of happy tears when I watched him come out of "Shepherd One" (as the plane is being called). Hopefully I'll be able to watch things about his visit here through EWTN and Catholic TV.

One more thing before I end this blog... raise your hand if you're excited about the Prince Caspian movie premiere in a month! *raises both hands* Haha. I watched the BBC version of "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" when I was growing up, and that started my love of the series, so I can't wait to watch PC. As long as I get to watch the film and hopefully get inspired by it, that's all I ask for. And, all this reminds me that I should probably re-read the book before I watch the film. I haven't read it in over a year. Okay, I better go finish St. Teresa of Avila's autobiography before I do! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.