Sunday, May 4, 2008

Soccer (!!!), and Anxiety in Mass and in General, Lost Medal, and Prince Caspian.

I've had 3 really good games in the past 20-some odd hours. The U.S. Women vs Australia was AWESOME... and I dare say the best of the 3 games I watched. :D The U.S. Women's team never fails to impress me. It's one of the most consistent teams that I root for. It's a shame that there is virtually no coverage or advertisement for them. I understand that soccer, and basically all other sports, are viewed as male sports but they should really take notice at how awesome the women teams are. Some of the women national teams are WAY BETTER than the male ones. Women teams like the U.S., Germany, and Brazil are right there, if not better, than their male counterparts. It's just a shame that they get no coverage. I sound like a broken record, eh? Well, it's true. Anyway, I LOVED the game we played against Australia. The second half was not that great for us (we were 3-1 at half time) because of mistakes but we still manage to beat 'em. :D They're playing again in a few days but I doubt I'll get to see it because they rarely air the games.

Every time I see the women play, I get the urge to play as well. It makes me sad to think that I could've played throughout high school and eventually college if I hadn't switched to a charter school. I was quite athletic when I was younger. I played soccer, basketball, ran track and field, etc. You name it, I probably played it. I loved soccer probably the best. I always have. I've played as a goalkeeper, midfielder, and but mostly as a forward -- which was my position up until I stopped. So sad. I had problems with my right (I think) foot so I had to stop doing that and running track. So sad. :'( I might start playing again at my new school -- even though it's just for fun. Anyway, all power to the U.S. Women's for kicking tush and taking names! :D P.S. Brazil's Marta is a POWERHOUSE! I would've loved to have her play for the U.S. and be a striking partner for Abby Wambach. That would've been insane -- in a good way! But, alas, she was born in Brazil and not the U.S. Le sigh. lol.

The other two games I had a pleasure of enjoying: the L.A. Galaxy at Real Salt Lake (it was a tie) and Liverpool v Manchester City (last game at Anfield this season). Galaxy game was GOOD! Don't let the 2-2 score fool you, it was an awesome game. The only beef I have with the game was when that one dude from RSL pushed Alan Gordon into the barricades... and then Gordon pushed him back and got in his face. I honestly thought fists were going to be a-swingin' but, thankfully, they didn't and all they got were yellow cards. We need Gordon (the partnership between Becks and Landon is already awesome but Gordon brings more to it!) and a red card would've stunk. As for the Liverpool game this morning... eh. lol. It was a good game but I was maybe expecting more. Maybe it's because I was spoiled with awesome games yesterday. *shrugs* Either way, Torres' goal was great (per usual) and I got to see Nery Castillo play for Man City. I didn't get to watch the entire game because I had to leave for Mass.

Oy... Mass with my anxiety is a nightmare sometimes. Not to say that Mass is a nightmare! OH NO! Mass is one of the most wonderful things you can possibly do/attend on a regular basis. When you have anxiety, like I do, and it strikes when you least expect it - then it because a nightmare. The past couple of weeks, I've had no anxiety when attending Mass. Today, I made it through about 35-40 minutes before I really couldn't take it (I was lightheaded and I felt VERY faint). I left for a few minutes but hung around the side to see when they were giving communion so I could go and receive it. So, when the time came to get in line, I got in line and received the Eucharist. I've been told that when my anxiety gets as bad as it did today, so leave for a few minutes and try to received communion when the time comes. I wasn't too happy that I didn't make it through the entire Mass today but I'm grateful that I even went and that I, at least, stuck it for as long as I could. I actually lasted a good 20 minutes after my anxiety started getting bad... which is a record for me. (Oh, and the reason why I didn't attend Mass on May 1st -- which was a day of obligation -- was because of my anxiety).

These past couple of days have been just horrible, in terms of the anxiety felt, for me. I've had way too much unwarranted drama going on with a former friend, on top of all these other things I've been dealing with, so that just didn't help. I think that that is one of the main causes for why my anxiety has been so out of control lately. Prior to all the problems I had with this former friend, if I had anxiety it was the kind that I could control and it wasn't that bad. But since I've had problems with this former friend, the anxiety's been just horrific. I've been stuck (on and off) in bed for a few days (hence lack of updates) because the anxiety can be very debilitating. I think I scared my sister a few days ago when we were chatting online because I felt like I was going to just straight up pass out there and then. I'm not blaming this former friend for all my anxiety, I will take part of the blame... I probably shouldn't have been as blunt and straightforward as I was with him (I tend to forgive and forget... up to a point, that is), but the situation just didn't help matters. I also think that the reason why my anxiety's been worse than before was because I hadn't had drama of this kind in a long time and this just came out of the blue. I honestly believe that my body is reacting to this anxiety all weird because I haven't been used to it, nor did I know how to handle this particular situation. Thankfully, I am not freaking out as badly as I would've a few months ago, but still... it sucks. I totally don't like feeling this lightheaded/fatigued/horrible feeling. Ugh. I guess I should be thankful that I understand why these things are happening. I am incredibly blessed to have the love and support of my parents (especially my mama) and my friends to get through these made times. Trust me, I've beat myself up over what happened (because I always feel like everything is my fault, even when it isn't) and they are there so stop me and tell me that what I did wasn't wrong and that I dealt with it as diplomatically as I could under the circumstances. All I have to say about this whole situation is God Bless him. I have absolutely no ill feelings towards him. Life's too short and precious to dwell on the negative.

St. Dymphna, please help me control this anxiety which has taken a hold of me.

Oh, and one really sad thing that happened yesterday at confessions -- I LOST MY MIRACULOUS MEDAL!!! :( It was my source of comfort (I used to take it out and hold it in my hand when I had anxiety) but I no longer have it. :'( I will have to get a new one, get it blessed by a priest again and make sure I don't lose it again. Ironically, I lost it at the same parish I found it (I did actually find it). It's kind of funny that it happened. Perhaps I found it when I needed it the most and lost it when someone else needed it the most. I hope that it brings the comfort it brought me, to whomever found it. :D

And, to not end this blog on a downer, what's happening in about 3 and then 12 more days?! PRINCE CASPIAN PREMIERE! OH YEAH! lol. I'm a huge Narnia fan so I'm so excited to see the latest installment of the series. I'm actually, God willing and if my anxiety is ok, attending a premiere party for the film with a good friend of mine. *singing* I'm excited! I'm excited! I can't wait to see how much the kids have grown as actors. :D I have the urge to squeal like a schoolgirl but I won't. lol.

Alright, well, I have things to do before my anxiety strikes back (it's in control at the moment) so I shall go do that. Thanks for reading, and God Bless. :D

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