Opposing Views: Ethical Clothing, Femininity, the Environment, and Catholicism

All the time away from social media and reading books (lots and lots of books; 26 so far this year -- as of this post -- according to my Goodreads' Reading Challenge tracker) has given me time to think. Really think. There were a lot of things that had been rattling around in my head for months (possibly a year) but it hasn't been until now that I've been able to sort through them. And you know what? I've come to the frustrating conclusion that I've let too much of "the world's" voice dictate what I believe and/or want to do. Furthermore, it's not just "the world" but also the Catholic world on social media that has had an influence on me... possibly a terrible one.

I love you all but, golly, it seems like one can't express ourselves and our ideas without someone jumping down our throats because of an opposing idea/belief. I see it most clearly when it comes to three certain areas: preferences in entertainment (which I wrote about recently), preferences in Mass, and how we view the world and our contribution to making it better. I won't touch on the first two but that last one is what this post is about. This is something I've been wanting to write for a long time, too.

A few months (a year?) ago, I became interested in ethical clothing and "slow fashion" after watching The True Cost on Netflix. (quick side note: Guys, don't tune me out yet. I promise this post isn't about only clothes in a "girly" fashion. Pun unintended.) The documentary was recommended by Claire of Finding Philothea and it's changed my worldview... and my shopping habits.

Now, I was never been big on fashion. I grew up a tomboy so I was all jeans and tees for a long time. As I've gotten older and I've gotten more in tune with my preferences (spoiler alert: I actually love wearing skirts and dresses way more than pants; I wore pants as a sign of rebellion in my youth -- long story), the more I've been wanting to slowly revamp my style. Of course, there are unlimited choices and the trends change a lot. Thankfully, I've always been pretty "old fashioned" in my fashion preferences (the "lost years" of pants only notwithstanding) so the trends don't affect me.

Around the time I started looking into purchasing more skirts and dresses to replace my jeans (which I cannot wait to get rid of), there were four factors that started to change my POV.

First, I re-read the Madame Chic books by Jennifer L. Scott, who is currently my favorite nonfiction author and whose Daily Connoisseur vlogs on YouTube are one of my favorite ways to have a little "me" time during an otherwise crazy day.

Second, I started attending the Latin Mass exclusively. This meant following the tradition of ladies wearing skirts and dresses and veiling for Mass. I was already veiling for years before I attended my first Latin Mass -- in fact, my father's last physical gift to me was a veil he got for me in Mexico a couple of months before his death -- but I didn't really start investing in skirts until I began attending our local FSSP parish. And that led to...

Third, I started looking into and really studying what the Church's views on femininity were as opposed to what everyone says. Yes, I wanted to draw my own conclusions, even if they were "wrong" or "antiquated" by other peoples' standards and views. I started by reading Dressing with Dignity by Colleen Hammond and went from there. I still have more things to get through but, wow, loving my research into this area so far.

Finally, fourth, I started following Claire and Emily (of Little Fossi Way) on Instagram because I could see a kindred spirit in them. They posted things that I could relate to; their tastes -- as well as Jennifer's -- are quite similar to mine. Again, I saw that Claire had posted something about The True Cost so I decided to watch it and, wow, mind blown!

I began researching ethical clothing because I felt like I could no longer purchase mass-produced clothing items sold everywhere. I started reading books that Claire would recommend and as well as check out clothing sites that she and Emily would suggest. I started seeing the differences between cheaply made clothing and those that are worth investing in. I also became interested in sewing my own clothes and I do plan on doing it... as soon as I can save up for a sewing machine (which is my second top priority, after saving up enough for my oblate trip this summer).

Buying ethical clothing is not cheap because you're essentially paying for clothing made by the hands (with the helping of sewing machines and needles) of workers who are not only ethically treated but also paid well. Also, I started looking for clothing companies that don't impact the environment in a way that mass manufacturers do. (I'll get to this point in a second.) While it's going to take a long time for me to build up my wardrobe -- I'm only replacing things as they get worn out due to budget constraints -- it's something I've become very interested in.

I took everything -- what I was learning, what the Church taught, and what others' opinions were -- and I got overwhelmed. Mostly, I would encounter the strangest opposing views.

I got applauded for embracing my own femininity (not easy after years of being a tomboy; I do have 5 older brothers, after all) though that came with controversy. Anything that was deemed "too girly" was attacked. I like pink and girly things?! I have no problem expressing my maternal side?! How dare I?! My clothing changes were also welcomed by the more "traditional" minded but, boy, the "don't be stupid! pants are fine!" folks sure had an issue with my own personal preference to transition to mostly skirts and dresses. (side note: sweats are a lifesaver at 4 a.m. on winter days when this lady, whose body begins to physically hurt and shut down in the cold, has to drive her mom to work.) I won't get further into this topic (for now) but you get the gist.

It was cool that I wanted to make my own clothes or even buy ethical fashion, but even the slightest hint of the word "ethical" or "environment" would send people in the Catholic world on long rants about how that's a "hippy" view that is incompatible with Church teachings. (spoiler alert: it's not.)

It was especially evident when I would say that I was starting to live a "greener" life, eschewing chemicals for the sake of my health (and I have noticed major improvements) and doing my little bit to keep this beautiful world God has given us from being polluted. I even had a friend say that he purposely turned on all the lights on Earth Hour and used styrofoam and other things that were frowned upon by environmentalists in order to "stick it to them." Yes, he's Catholic as well.

There are some in Catholic circles that have a "If Pope Francis champions it, I'll do the opposite" mentality. Since Pope Francis is big on the environment, other people will trash him and his efforts to keep our planet clean because they don't like his words and beliefs on other areas of the faith (e.g. his vagueness in words, his actions, etc). Look, I'm not a massive fan of what he says or does either, but he's still the pope so I do respect him as the vicar of Christ. I'm not going to rebel against everything he says only because he and I don't see eye-to-eye on many other things. On the environment front, I think we may have more in common than I do with other Catholics.

All of this boils down to: I don't understand why there's so much animosity when people express their own views and beliefs. 

I don't feel right about buying clothing from companies that exploit their workers and harm the environment. I also don't feel right about being wasteful or contributing to the destruction of this beautiful earth that God has given us to take care of, but that doesn't make me a "tree-hugging hippie" or a "liberal lemming."

I don't feel like jeans and most other forms of pants fit my own personal preferences any longer but that doesn't mean I'm going to look down on any woman who does.

I keep finding myself gravitating towards what has traditionally been seen as being characteristically feminine -- e.g. being a stay-at-home mom versus being a working mom; cultivating the "womanly arts" of sewing, baking, and being a homemaker -- but that doesn't mean that, like the pants issue, I will look down on others who preferences are different from mine.

I also don't think I should have to apologize for any of these things. And, in fact, I'm not.  If you want to accuse me of "drinking the Kool-Aid," of "being backward," and/or "being wrong," that's fine. This Lenten season I've been learning to let go of what others think of me. Instead, I think about what God may say to me at the end of my life.

Do I want to stand in front of Him and have Him say to me, "You knew that workers were exploited yet you still continued to contribute to the continuation of this..." or  "You didn't listen to your own conscience and you dismissed what you thought would best please Me in order to fit in with and be liked by others"? A big, fat "No!"

So, I'm going to take what I've learned (and what I'll continue to learn), what I feel is the right thing for me to do, and I'll do it. Even if I get ridiculed... even if people stop following me on social media or stop reading these blogs... even if I lose most of my friends because they think there's something wrong with me. I'd rather feel as if I'm doing the right thing in God's eyes. Sure, I will be seeking spiritual advice from our parish priest (whom I like to consult on big issues because the man is wise) just to make sure I'm on the right path but, other than that, I'll take my "opposing views" and stick with them.

Anyway, just something I've been wanting to say for a long time but never had the guts to write until now.

That's it for now. I want to get back to the book I'm currently reading, The Private World of Tasha Tudor by Tasha Tudor and Richard Brown before I reply to a dear friend's snail mail letter. Oh yes, correspondence is occasionally "old school" with friends this Lent. ;)

I hope you're all having a lovely week thus far.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :)

Ladies, I Need Your Help

Before I get into what I need help with (and I really do), let me tell you what inspired my current dilemma.

I was in a grumpy mood this entire weekend (side note: car related) so, knowing that I had to distract myself when I'm a grump, I threw myself into a new project: Emmy's Wardrobe Overhaul. This is where I've entered new territory because I've never been particularly into clothes. Gentlemen, I'm not sure this post will interest you but feel free to read if you're curious.

Basically, last year I decided that I needed an overhaul of my wardrobe because a) my clothes are getting worn out from the years of use, c) I've lost a lot of weight in recent months and I'm having a hard time regaining it (read: pants keep falling down), and c) my style has changed over the years. Some of the blouses I have I've had (and still use) a decade later. I take good care of my clothes (I am my mother's daughter; she's worked in laundry for 40+ years) so they last a long time. Sadly, because it's been years since I've purchased clothes, I need to replace almost everything. Last time I bought pants? Um... 2-3 years ago at the most recent. Shirts? About the time length of time. Sweaters? Um... I want to say more than 5 years ago. Dress? Graduation, 2012. Yeah, seriously. The skinny jeans debate continues internally but I think I've figured out my current style... and it's expensive.

What my wardrobe used to be made up of: a lot of pieces from Forever 21 (prior to my finding out their shady dealings with their workers), Target, some Ann Taylor Loft, and a bunch of random stuff from random stores. Before that it was a lot of Wet Seal, Forever 21, Anchor Blue, Abercrombie, Pacsun, etc.

My style over the decades: I was a full on tomboy in my teens so there was a lots of sporty attire. My early 20s were a mix of sporty and casual. Mid 20s brought on girlier with casual. Late 20s were girly but clean and at 30 I'm a mix of "romantic and soft" but "classic and clean cut." Yes, I might've taken a quiz or five to figure it out. lol.

What I wish my wardrobe would consist of (a.k.a. what my current style is): Ralph Lauren, Ann Taylor, Modcloth, J. Crew, Banana Republic, etc. If the Duchess of Cambridge wears it, I'll most likely want it, too. lol. Luckily H&M is within my sad budget but still... siiiiigh. A lot of what I like is in the Ralph Lauren price range. One dress that I really liked? $230. Ouch.

There is one big question that came up: is pricey clothing worth it? I'm Miss Frugal. I'll occasionally splurge if something is worth the $ but will more often look for a bargain or talk myself out of buying it all together. Since my clothes do last so long, I've been toying with the idea of doing a capsule wardrobe with higher end clothing. Part of me is like "yes! That Ralph Lauren top / dress / skirt would go well with so many things over the years" and the other part of me is in the "but it's so expensive!" It kind of feels almost sinful to spend so much money on clothes.

Ladies, help me out here: what do you think about splurging for a wardrobe that you plan on using over the years? I'm not into trends. I know what works for me. I don't care about not being "in season." I know what clothes I like, what colors work best with my weird light olive tone (it's considered "cool" which means a lot of jewel tones), and what my body shape (more pear shaped normally, a bit lanky right now) is. I know my body will most likely change whenever I have children but since that seems so far away (no fella anywhere near being a candidate), I don't have to worry about that anytime soon.

The other issue is the weight gain. My goal is around 125 because that's been my average from my teens to my mid-late 20s, not counting the last couple of years of health issues. I'm about 112-113 right now which is too small for my nearly 5'8" frame. Yeah, the stress from late last year really affected me. Should I buy a size up for the anticipated weight gain, wait a couple of months to see the progress, or stop making excuses to buy what I need now? I think I may buy a couple of inexpensive pants and skirts while I wait to see where my weight ends up but what about the rest? I need you ladies to talk me through this because I'm still fairly new to the caring about my wardrobe thing. lol.

If anyone else has any other stores or brands that you can recommend that are more budget conscience (read: good quality but under the triple digits), please let me know! I would splurge on a coat but paying over $200 for a dress seems like way too much to me. Tips? Advice? Offer to take me shopping (I do live in L.A. so the options aren't limited)? Talk me to me. ;)

Anyway, it's 1:44 a.m. right now so I'm going to finish this post and then try to get some sleep. I say "try" because I've slept almost all day for the past 3 days (yay stomach bug and stress combo) so I'm not exactly tired. My sleeping schedule is out of whack again. Oh well. Still planning on getting 5 hours of sleep to get it back on track. ;)

I hope y'all had/continue having a great weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Where Art Thou, Modest Clothing?

Modesty? Bueller? Bueller? No? Okay, then.

For the past couple of weeks I've been keeping my eye out on any new modest clothing that I can get to update my dwindling wardrobe options. What I found was that the clothes were either good but terribly expensive or truly unwearable. Most of the time, they were just really bad. Even if I were to do layers, and I would, the clothes were too fitted or not salvageable at all. Deep V-necks and plunging necklines, shirts emphasizing the bust by either fit or embellishments... and this was in the juniors section which aimed for 12 to 19 year-olds. By the way, don't get me started on the short skirts or the jeans with butt patting. Say with me "false advertisement." I would often head to the missus sections and while the sections were a bit better, they were still too mature or still too "hip" and "modern" for my tastes and my age. I tried to go to as many stores as possible but didn't have any luck. I came close at Kohl's where I found a dress that wasn't too bad but the neckline was lower than I would've liked so I passed. Every time I go into a new store and have the same experience I am reminded of the quote from Pride and Prejudice in which Elizabeth Bennet says, "The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it." Substitute the word "world" with "fashion" and you have my sentiments on the matter.

Of course, I did find some cute clothes that were modest but they were terribly expensive. I mean, I understand it's because they use more and higher quality fabrics but, goodness, are they trying to make us pay (literally) just because we want to dress modestly? As someone who comes from a family that's mostly lived paycheck to paycheck, I can't afford to buy a shirt or a skirt that's $75 per item. Dresses are even more expensive as well. If I could sew, or had the time to learn, I would try to make my own clothing but I can't so I'm pretty much stuck. I have been advised to check out thrift stores but, unfortunately, most of them are just as expensive as clothing found in the mall or are very well worn and nearly falling apart. Oh, Los Angeles... you are a serious challenge to my wardrobe choices.

Recently I asked Clare from The Catholic Young Woman to give my wardrobe a sort-of makeover since her style is closest to mine. Hopefully one day we'll be able to, while we're not too far away from each other, because I admire both her fashion sense as well as her beliefs when it comes to modesty and what it means to be a respectable young woman. :) If and when that day comes, I hope to document it because it's going to be quite the departure from what I normally wear now: which is usually jeans and t-shirt.(side note: I highly suggest you check out her blog; it's one of my favorites. :D)

Before anyone suggests getting my clothes online from modest retailers, let me just say that it's not that easy for me at the moment. I have finally gotten out of my awkward, lanky stage (uber late bloomer, what can I say?) so I want to try to figure out what works for my body type before I risk buying online. As I often repeat to my mom when she says "who cares?" when something's a little tighter on me than I would like, "I care and I'm pretty sure my future husband (whoever he may be) wouldn't want me to dress in such a way that would draw attention from other men. Furthermore, I wouldn't disrespect God by unintentionally giving men sinful thoughts." I've seen the looks and have heard the comments one gets from disgusting pervs who like to let their eyes wander. *shudders* When this happens to me I usually say "May God forgive you for what you've just said to me." I know that we can't change men and that they will still say their disgusting comments but any way I can help stop drawing attention to myself I will try. So until I can figure what I can and can't wear, I'm sticking to shopping in actual stores.

Anyway, I feel like I could ramble on and on on the subject but I won't. I will say, however, that it makes me happy to see that more women are starting to challenge the industry (however slowly) when it comes to fashion. My generation still seems to be a little behind (I'm surprised how difficult it's getting for a 20-something year old young woman to find something decent to wear), I hope that someday there will be a remedy.

If anyone knows of any stores (that aren't expensive) in the L.A. area or anywhere in Southern California that cater to women seeking to dress feminine yet modest, please let me know 'cause I have not found a single place yet. :D

Alright, I think that's all for now... if I don't want to start a rant. lol.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Modesty at Mass and in Everyday Life.

Yes, that's the chapel veil (or mantilla) that my father brought from Mexico. I will have to look for the one my beloved, late grandmother sent me when I was still in my teens so I can post a picture of it as well. I LOVE it. I'm going to have to get used to wearing them... which is proving somewhat difficult with my usually straight hair. Maybe I'll have to stop blow drying it so it stays naturally wavy, then maybe it won't keep sliding off. lol. Mom suggested I use bobby pins, like she did when she was younger and wore them to Mass (granddad was very Catholic), but I still haven't figured out how to do it. Suggestions are welcomed! :D Either way, I AM going to wear them... even if no one else around my age does. (The only women at my parish, and during the morning English Mass, that I've seen wear them are over 40.)

During Mass last Sunday I had two thoughts come to mind. First: Yes! Other women dress appropriately to Mass and/or wear mantillas. Second: Wow, so many women comes dressed like they were going out to a club... or hanging out at the mall with their friends. As my friend Monique from Catholic Chicks (who beat me with a post similar to this, lol) pointed out, we can't judge someone by what they wear to Mass because we don't know if the reason they're not more dressed up is because they can't afford to be. Trust me, I've told my father many times that it doesn't matter what he looks like as long as he attends Mass (though he does this because doesn't want to get dressed up and/or is finding excuses to not attend Mass). I completely understand that some people just can't for one reason or another, but that they wish they could. For those who can afford to look nice, and do dress up outside of Mass, I have to wonder why they don't make the effort to look nice when being in the house of God.

I've found some really surprising, and sad, excuses young women make for not dressing up for Mass. This is from my own research and questioning, I'm not saying these are the reasons for everyone. There are two reasons that make me cringe the most. First: "Why should I bother dressing up if there is no one to impress; there are no cute boys that attend Mass." Uh, seriously? I didn't know Mass was for trying to land yourself a boyfriend/husband. Oh wait... it's NOT! This brings me to the second reason: "It's just Mass. I showed up, isn't that enough? What's the big deal anyway?" *palmface* Oy.

Maybe the way I feel about this whole thing is because I was raised to always try to look nice when going to church, showing my respect for God. My dad (yes, you read that right) made sure I was always in a little dress, or at the very least a skirt, and dress shoes. If you've ever seen how Ali Landry dresses her daughter Estela, that's just how my parents had me dressed up until my tomboy side took over when dress pants became my thing. (I'm happy to report that I have since returned to wearing skirts to Mass, when it's not freezing cold.) Wearing these tube tops that young women have to constantly be pulling up so that they don't flash other parishioners... I mean, come on! Are you serious? If you can wear it to a club to draw attention to yourself, than it's more than likely not appropriate for Mass. That goes for mini-skirts, see-through blouses/shirts, extremely tight clothes, etc. Oh, and talking about things like bras during Mass, when you should be listening to the Homily, is also not appropriate. (Yes, last Sunday a young girl was talking about see-through shirts and bras during the Homily. She proceeded to also say that the Eucharist "tastes like nothing, like cardboard", among other things).

And while I'm on the topic of modest clothing and what modesty means, I'd like you to check out Modestia, A Maiden's Wreath, Maidens of Modesty (this one is not Catholic, but is Christian and run by one of my best friends). btw, A Maiden's Wreath had a book review on the fashion and modesty book "It's So You!" that I highly recommend.

For the record, and because I get asked this quite often, my definition of modesty varies from other people's. Some women say it's immodest to wear jeans and sleeveless shirt, and I don't. My motto is: If you can't wear something in front of a priest, or if you can't imagine yourself wearing in front of the Virgin Mary or Jesus Christ, then it shouldn't be worn. I don't think wearing jeans and sleeveless shirts (as long as they don't reveal too much skin) is inappropriate for every day life. As a self proclaimed girly tomboy, I fall somewhere between the Gap and Ann Taylor Loft. I love dressing up in dresses and skirts, and have a soft spot for vintage clothing from the 40s, but I'm also a big fan of jeans and tees when I'm just hanging out with my friends. I don't always wear heels (at 5'7" I'm good with flats) but I always try to look nice no matter what I wear. As for wearing spaghetti strap shirts, I do wear them but always paired with cardigan like this. I never wear anything too low cut, tight, or revealing. The last thing I want is to get attention from pervs. It's all about mixing and matching and doing it in a manner that's modest and cute. Definitely look at Modestia for more on that because Rebecca always finds some really good stuff and will always share with us girls.

Alright, I've rambled on as usual. lol. Sorry. All I can do is blame the writer in me. I have weeks worth of material that I want to write, and hope to eventually publish/post, but I can't say when just yet because school still has be busy as usual. That's what happens when you load yourself up with two Philosophy classes, a Speech argumentation course, and an English class. I do an exorbitant amount of reading per week. Anyway, before this gets any longer... I hope everyone has a great weekend! Thanks for reading, and for your emails. God Bless! :D