Dear Dad...

Today is the 7th anniversary of your death. I still can't wrap my mind around it being that long. It both does and doesn't feel like much time has passed. I haven't forgotten what you look like but I occasionally forget what your voice sounded like. I guess that's normal since it's been so long.

I started playing the guitar again. This time, it's a little more regularly. I stopped playing after you died. It took me a good 5-6 years to really find any interest in it again. You promised me a guitar shortly before you died which still occasionally hurts. No, getting the guitar doesn't matter; it's the fact that you promised something that will never be fulfilled that got me down. It's a constant reminder that there were things we planned that will never get fulfilled. Every time I picked the guitar up, I was reminded of you and that promise. I remember all those times you drove me to my lessons as well as the times you drove me to get my first two guitars (and how you picked out the first one I ever owned). I think it was quite funny that the only thing that cheered me up this weekend was picking up my acoustic guitar and playing, followed by singing. There's more music in the house, like you liked when you were alive.

I've been through heck and back over the last year but I'm still here, thriving despite the setbacks. I still have that fire in me that I inherited from both you and Mom. My health has gone through ups and downs but I'm overall recovering. The car accident didn't feel me down for too long and I've been driving ever since I got my car back from the mechanic. You'd be proud of me for that. I know you were worried about me and my anxiety before you died but it's been better than it's been since I was a teenager. I've had moments of anxiety (and the darn antibiotics brought them back this past week) but I'm not letting it keep me down for long. Your little girl doesn't get easily scared nor does she quit.

Speaking of quitting, despite the academic setbacks, I've not quit that either. I'm returning to the SLP field. I was accepted to Utah State once again over the weekend. I should be graduating early next May. On your deathbed I promised you that I'd take care of Mom and since it's becoming quite clear that she's going to need to retire sooner than later, I've put my dreams of that Theology MA on the backburner in favor of a career as an SLPA. Isn't that what you and Mom taught me; that sometimes we need to make sacrifices for our family? Once I can get that going, I'll return to finish the other degree. I don't regret it nor am I upset at the sudden change of plans. They weren't what I had planned but God knows what He's doing. I know He is helping guide me down this journey of mine and for now I have to focus on this. :)

Not much else to report on. I'm that same content little girl you raised. Things don't always work out as I'd like them to and I do get down for a little while but I bounce back. I'm still incredibly silly when I'm with those whom I trust. I still carry myself the way you and Mom taught me to act. I hope you'd be proud of the woman I've grown up to be. I still feel like I'm growing but I think that's a never ending process.

I'm still single (I'm sure you'd appreciate that since my sister married so young, lol) but I'm happy. I know I have to be happy with myself by myself or else I'm going to place unrealistic expectations on the future fella and future family. I still think it's in the cards for me but not now. For whatever reason, I have to wait a bit longer and that's okay. One of the last things you said to me before you died was that you trusted my judgment when it came to relationships and that's something I continue to carry with me. Don't worry, I've got more than enough people willing to step in and check out (*cough*interrogate*cough*) potential candidates. Thank you for raising me with old fashioned values; it's helped me weed out jerks.

I still think about you all the time and you pop up in my dreams quite often, especially when I have an important decision weighing on my mind. I hope I can continue making you proud. I'll always remember the lessons you taught me (especially how to parallel park like a boss) and make sure I'm the best person I can be.

With love,

7 Quick Takes Vol. 10: St. Cecilia, Emmy, and Music Facts Edition

Happy St. Cecilia feast day. Today is a particularly happy day for me as well... and you shall see why. :D

-- 1 --

Today is the feast day of the patroness of music and musicians... who is also my confirmation saint. Yes, St. Cecilia is my confirmation saint. I always say that I didn't choose her -- that she chose me -- because I really didn't pick a confirmation saint. I'll explain why in a bit but I am so happy that St. Cecilia is my confirmation saint because (as many of you know) I'm a massive music nerd. My first love was music and the only times I go without it is for a brief period during Lent. Even when we were mourning my dad's passing, I listened to music because it's my security blanket. Music helps me express myself without my having to utter a single word. 

-- 2 --

If you're wondering why I said I didn't pick a patron saint, it's because I was confirmed in Mexico where they don't pick confirmation saints. I was confirmed at age 13 (against my wishes, fyi - I wanted to wait until I was 15-16 to be confirmed with my friends) and since we have a priest in the family (on my mom's adopted side), I was confirmed in his parish. This parish was named after St. Cecilia... and I was confirmed on her feast day in 1998. Yes, today is the 15th anniversary of my confirmation. It was just meant to be. When I found out all these things after my reversion, I decided to make her my patron saint and she's been a wonder heavenly buddy ever since.

-- 3 --

Fun fact for those of you who don't know: I actually almost majored in Jazz Studies. I had taken music courses at Santa Monica College (including a course with Prof. Fiddmont; seriously, Google him) and I had the application to USC filled out but things happened and I ended up reverting to the Faith and then switching majors to Religious Studies instead. Still, I'm a huge jazz geek (jazz, swing, big band, and classical are my preferred genres) and I often wonder if I will one day get over my shyness and perform again.

-- 4 --

Oh yeah, that's another fun fact: I used to perform when I was younger. I had the wonderful Ms. Shelby Flint as my teacher when I was about 11 years old and she was the first to really encourage me and give me confidence in singing. I also learned how to play a bit of the piano thanks to her. I sang in chorus at school until I got to high school and developed anxiety. I haven't sung in public since I was about 15 and it would take a lot of courage and a miracle to get me on stage again. I'm just not cut out for it anymore.

-- 5 --

This is my statue of St. Cecilia which sits on top of the family recorder player. Yes, we are vinyl people. ;) I got her a couple of years ago at the parish where I did my first communion. I saw the statue and went "*gasp* I must have it!" It's actually one of the last things that Fr. Leo Leblanc OMI (who helped us when my father passed away) blessed for me before he passed away so it holds a special place in my heart as well.

-- 6 --

This is my baby... and my skinny legs. lol. Yes, I have a pink guitar. Don't hate; it was my big brother's gift to me when I was in my early 20s. It's not my first guitar but it's been my main one for a couple of years now. It's a Daisy Rock brand. I choose it because they make guitars with slimmer necks especially for women because some of us have tiny hands. It has a good sound. I am saving up for a new one because I really love playing classical/Spanish style and I need a guitar that's especially made for nylon strings. Now I just have to find one that I can use with my dainty lady hands. lol.

-- 7 -- 

As you can tell by now, music and I are tight. I use Spotify to make playlists for different things, i.e. workout music, cleaning music, and I even make playlists for my novels and the characters in my novels. To attempt to make a playlist with all my favorite songs would be impossible but I'll share with you the songs that are always in my top three (in no particular order):

Ray Charles' "Georgia on My Mind":


George Gershwin's "Rhapsody in Blue":


Schubert's "Ave Maria" sung by Andrea Bocelli (never fails to make me tear up):


And that's all for now. I have about 4000-5000 words to write today if I want to catch with NaNoWriMo (and finish on time). ;)

I hope y'all have a great weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Major Music Overhaul Monday: Part One.

1) I have about 150+ pages to read by tomorrow (oh, how I wish I was kidding) so I'll only post only a portion of what I want to share.

2) Yes, that's an actual screen cap of (part of) my iTunes library.

I've been alluding to the fact that I've been doing some major changes in my life lately. I have. I'll eventually get into the details of the other things I've changed and will change (such as a sort of experiment in which this "jeans and a t-shirt" gal will wear only skirts and dresses for a year) but for now I am going to share one of the hardest for me.

As some of you know, I'm a massive music nerd. I took some Jazz Studies courses my freshman year of college and was set to do that before I had a change of heart. I often help friends out (both guys and gals) with picking out music for playlists for their significant others, road trips, or weddings. You need a song for a specific occasion, I'm your girl. My first love was music and the love affair has stayed with me my entire life thus far. When I was a toddler I used to pluck a string on my mom's guitar and then run away, laughing my little tush off. When I got older, I started singing in school choir. I eventually learned how to play some Beethoven at the end of elementary school and I fulfilled my dream of learning to play the guitar when I was in my late teens. Music is almost always playing, whether it's on the way to or from somewhere or in the background while I'm home. Basically, St. Cecilia (the patroness of music and my confirmation saint) would be proud... yet maybe not entirely.

The reason why I am doing a major music library overhaul is because I've noticed a distinct change in me in the last couple of months that is more obvious now that I've acknowledged it: I am no longer comfortable listening to everything I grew up with. I will be the first to admit that I tend to focus on the melody and not so much the lyrics until a couple of plays. It may be because I usually favor music that is mainly instrumental. Either way, as I've been paying attention to the lyrics of the songs I own I've begun to feel uncomfortable listening to them. An example of a song is like the ones highlighted in the post picture. This particular part of my iTunes library that shows that I have two versions of the same song by two of my favorite jazz vocalists. I LOVE Ella Fitzgerald and June Christy. Their songs are the ones I like to sing when I'm alone at home and can belt out a few without feeling self-conscience. There are a couple of parts that I don't feel happy singing but it's mostly the lyric "thank God I can be over-sexed again." I just can't sing that and the more I listen to the song, the less comfortable I am even hearing it. This is part of why I'm doing the changes.

I may be criticized for possibly being too puritanical in my ways of thinking but I need to do this for me. Consider "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered" deleted from my music library. These are just some of the examples I'm going to be sharing as I embark on this quite hard journey (for me, as a music lover, at least) to rid myself of these songs.

That's all I'm going to share for tonight. I still have a lot of things to do in preparation for a very probable test I may have in my Christology course tomorrow so that's it for now. I'll maybe take every Monday this month to finish posting on this or maybe I'll be able to finish it next Monday. It'll all depend on how much free time I actually have during the week. So much reading/studying and not so much free time. :) Anyway, it's "Only the Beginning of the Adventure." (Quick, someone figure out where that song is from. ;D)

I hope y'all had a great long weekend and have a fantastic week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

Music, Soccer, and St. Maria Goretti.

I have missed playing my guitar! It's been months since I last picked it up and I truly miss it. A few days ago, a melody I'd never heard just randomly popped into my head. I repeated it a couple of times but chalked it up to a fluke because I haven't written a song in years -- since I was 18-19 to be exact. I've forgotten the melodies but have the lyrics in my mind. Typical writer, eh? lol. This morning, my favorite cousin (who I call my brother because he's more like a brother than my actual brothers) came over to visit -- which is always awesome because he's the best bro a girl could have. Anyway, I asked him how the kids were and he said that my niece had taken up piano, my eldest nephew was following in my footsteps by taking the guitar, and that the youngest wants to be a drummer. Not only that, bro said that my first guitar (which he's own since January 2007; I upgraded my acoustic) will be passed down to my nephew as soon as he can play it (it's too big for him at the moment). I felt very happy and proud to hear that. I come from a musical family. I'm the only musician (and I use that term loosely when describing myself) out of my siblings, though I have cousins who are actual musicians (and they actually have careers in the Latin market). It's great that the younger generation has started getting into the tradition at such a young age. If I do decide to start creating music again, it will be nothing like I have done before. I'm no longer in a Fiona Apple phase like I was at 18 (think of her album "When the Pawn..." and, in particular, the song "Love Ridden" to get the idea). Oh... I just remembered that I will have to build up my calluses again... ick. Oh well. As long as I get to make music again, I won't care. :D

One thing I don't have to ponder about... my love of soccer. Today was a BIG day for me in terms of soccer because my two favorite national teams, England and the United States, played a friendly against each other. As you can imagine, I did not root for one side to win -- I was cheering them both on! I was happy England won but I'm sad the U.S. lost. I'm stoked that Gerrard got a goal (he's quite possibly my favorite footballer/soccer player of all), especially since it's just 2 days before his birthday, but I'm bummed that Donovan didn't get his 100th cap because of an injury. What a weird situation but I enjoyed every minute of it. lol. Of course. I'm looking forward to next week's friendly -- U.S. vs Spain. Oh man, how I wish I could go to Spain for that game! I would've loved to have gone to London for today's game (and was actually planning on it before the darn recession dried up my savings account) as well. Well, good luck to the U.S. next game. I'm going to HOPEFULLY see the U.S. against Barbados in person in a few days. Plans are tentative. I have to see if I can blackmail a certain male friend of mine into going with me because I don't want to go by myself. lol. I'm kidding about the blackmailing but I will definitely have to work on him because I doubt he'll want to go. Well, too bad. lol. ;)

Yesterday I wrote about how I'd felt a strong connection to St. Maria Goretti. It's very true. It's been slowly building up for a few months but recently it's really hit me. It's not quite as strong as the connection I feel with the Blessed Virgin Mary or even with St. Teresa of Avila (I'm still amazed at the things I have in common with her), but it's there. I've watched a program on EWTN en Español about her life and it got me thinking about a lot of things. I recently read something about how feminists have an issue with St. Maria Goretti, as well as other martyrs of purity, because they represent sexism in the Catholic Church... as well as the importance of sexual abstinence over lust and premarital sex. I'm sorry, since when it being purity something bad? I didn't know we all had to be as oversexed as modern society seems to be. Oh wait... we DON'T have to! In fact, it's written in black and white that abstinence until marriage is the way to go as said by the Lord. Hmm... listening to God's word or listening to a society that's immoral... Gee, tough call! (and yes, I did just use sarcasm. lol). I am going to prepare myself for a fight because I KNOW this will come up at some point in my college career. I've already taken a Women's Studies course but I might take another and I want to be prepared to defend her as well as others who value purity over peer pressure. Bring it on, professors! And I know if my former Women's Studies professor were to read this, we would get into an argument. After all, she did call me a prude and make several jabs at me for being pure when I took her class.

Alright, well, I think that's enough torture of your eyes for tonight. lol. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.
.