What I Learned Wednesday #8

To be honest, I wasn't sure I was going to write anything because I've been slacking on the learning this week. In fact, I've had a terrible week. I failed to go to Mass on Sunday. I unintentionally missed three consecutive day (Sunday through Tuesday) of praying the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary in the morning. I've just had a slow and weird week. However, I have been taking off some time from social networks (Twitter, FB, etc) to think through some changes I need (and want) to make. So, here it goes.

1) The 200th anniversary of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice was this past Monday. I didn't get to re-read the novel for the anniversary as I was re-reading Northanger Abbey (another one of my favorites by Jane). If you haven't already guessed from my insane amount of #Janeite tweets, from watching my Goodreads feed, or from the font in this blog's header (hint: it's her handwriting font), I am a massive Jane Austen fan. The first Tiber River book review I wrote was even on the Pride and Prejudice Study Guide. One of my best friends, Kathryn, sent me this Jane Austen Devotional during my senior year of college but I never got to it with my Thesis and everything else. In fact, I'm going to start it tonight and hope to have a review next Wednesday at the latest. If I get done earlier, I'll write a stand alone book review. Anyway, even though I know Jane Austen was Anglican and the book will undoubtedly reflect that, I have a feeling I'll still learn something. Some of my more spiritually fruitful periods as a Catholic have actually been inspired by my amazingly faithful Christian (read: non-Catholic) friends like Kathryn so I look forward to having it inspire me once again. :D

2) I got two things out of my ten minute conversation with my First Communion Godmother: 1) I feel like I got a sign that maybe I'm onto something with a possible change of career/Masters degree and 2) I really need to make some changes (like I mentioned at the beginning of this post; which I won't get into until #3). The career change is actually still somehow connected to words, only spoken instead of written. I had mentioned that it was hard to get steady freelance work (though I've had a couple of steady assignments lately) and how my anxiety's been insane lately... and how both actually go together. The more my mind is active and occupied, the less likely I am to have anxiety all day or to have a random panic attack. I over-think things. That's why I've been devoting so much time to reading lately; my mind is occupied and I can relax from stressful things such as my health or my mother's health or finances. After a dream I had a few weeks about a friend's son who has SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder), I felt very strongly about looking into it. When my Godmother (who has known me since I was born) suggested I looked into doing Speech Therapy for Children for my Master's degree, it all sort of clicked for me. I love children, I love language, and I would love to do something to help others. As of now, I don't think I am doing a very good job of making myself useful to others so this may be the thing I need to do. That and I have too much time on my hands and am itching to go back to school. Of course, I won't do anything until I pray about it. I'm still torn on everything. Luckily, I wasn't planning on applying to grad schools until this coming fall (for a Fall 2014 start) so I have time. :D How is this related to faith? 1) My Godmother (who is one of my heroes) brought it up and I am crediting the Holy Spirit for that and 2) it's going to force me to pray more and focus on doing God's will instead of worrying about my health for once. lol.

3) Some changes I want to make: not worrying about fitting into any Catholic mold on social networks. I need to say this before I explain: you guys are amazing. My on- and off-line friends (Catholic or not) are fantastic. You guys inspire me so much. However, I feel like I don't fit in with y'all about 98% of the time. #CathSorority, I love you gals. You always pray for me when I ask you guys, you gals are there for venting that guys won't understand, and y'all make me laugh... but I don't feel like I'm really a part of the group. There's cliques (and not bad ones either; amazing women who have their own little groups) and I don't fit into them. Likewise, on twitter, y'all are amazing but I don't fit in. I saw that clearly after the whole cursing debate on Patrick's Right Here, Right Now show. This is who I am: I don't drink. I don't curse (nor do I honestly like it). I'm not married. I don't have children. I don't even have a boyfriend. I love football (soccer). I love daily Mass. I'm a big time goofball and a bit of a fuddy duddy at times. My sense of humour is weird (but I like it) and some of it is lost through social networks... which leads to a lot of misunderstandings. I take some things very seriously that you some of guys say "I don't see what the big deal is" about... and vice versa. I feel like the Lone Ranger on social media sites. It can be a little depressing at times but I've decided not to let it get to me. I have amazing friends who love and accept me as I am. I don't have the "ew, she's too 'traditional'" or "ew, she's too liberal" feeling with them that I get with some people online and that's good enough for me. Again, I love y'all but I don't feel like I fit in. Story of my life. lol.

Anyway, just wanted to get all of that out. It's hardly a What I Learned Wednesday as little of it had to do with something I learned about the Faith but it's all still somewhat connected to my own faith as a Catholic so, you know, I'm making it count. lol. Hopefully I'll have something better next week. ;)

I really should go read... or do something to make these stress knots in my back and shoulders feel less painful. :)

Oh! And P.S. Y U NO send me prayer requests? Please, y'all. Give me things to offer my anxiety up for. I am literally begging you to send me prayer requests. lol.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

More Dreams, and Farewell Fr. Hoang!

I don't have much time right now -- Pride and Prejudice (the Keira Knightley version I like) is starting in a few minutes and I still have a bit to do before it starts -- so I'll try to keep this brief.

My strange but wonderful dreams continue to happen. I don't know if it was because one of the last things I did yesterday was write my blog and the topic was still fresh in my mind... but I had a dream that sis and I think might be something. There's two parts to the dream (well, dreams). In the first dream, I dreamt that I was on the verge of dying and I saw the Blessed Virgin Mary came and picked me up. She was shorter than I was, dressed all in white and I remember her skin tone was darker than usually portrayed in paintings. She smiled at me and I immediately knew who she was and was so happy to see her. I believe I said something along the lines of how I'd always dreamt of meeting her. Then I told her I wasn't ready to die but she sent my soul to heaven anyway. I think I died in my dream but not entirely, if that makes any sense. Then I woke up.

Second part of the dream, well, it's still VERY fresh in my mind but I am going to have to leave some details out because I don't want to give away the other people's identities. You gotta be smart online, people. :D Anyhoo, I was working on a screenplay for a movie that was about to go into production. I had all these old friends and classmates from junior high and high school helping me as well as, let's call him Boyfriend, and his brothers. At the end of my dream, I was sitting with Boyfriend, who I'd gone to thank for his help. He ended up thanking me for helping out he and his brothers but I didn't know what I helped them with. (By the way, I should mention that all the places and people in my dream do exist in real life). So, Boyfriend either proposed or was about (that part is a bit fuzzy in my mind -- I just remember details I'm going to leave out that involve my ring finger and feeling like we were definitely spending the rest of our lives together) and then asked me why I'd changed so much "from May to October"; that all the time he'd known me, he would've never figured I'd end up at the place I was at (which was a good place). I told him that I realized that I needed to serve God and I didn't miss Mass, confession, or communion because I knew how important it was. He smiled and was very happy to hear that. Right when that happened, his parents and another brother came to go home. Boyfriend asked if they could drop me off at home because I had no way of getting there. They said yes and they asked me how to get there. I was so embarrassed about where I lived that I considered having them drop me off at the nearby park. I didn't though. Then I noticed that the dad, who was driving, was taking a detour. I wondered why until I noticed that it was to avoid traffic on my way home. That was it but the parts that sticks with me are the feeling that Boyfriend and I knew we were going to end up married and being surprised when Boyfriend asked me how and why I'd changed so much in such a short amount of time.

I think the reasons why those two things stink out are because I've been wondering what exactly I'm called to do... if I'm meant to be married or if I'm supposed to become a sister. Not only that, I don't think I realized until I woke up just how much I'd grown up and changed in such a short amount of time. Even in this past month, I've gone under an enormous transformation that I think a lot of people are surprised with. I'm really growing up (yes, I know I'm 23 but still) and I didn't realize just how much. So, yeah... it's interesting how dreams make you think. (Side note: I kind of freaked out for like 5 minutes earlier today when I was having these little twitchy pressure pains on my left side, slightly above my heart, because of the dream that I had died. So silly but true. lol.) And the romantic part of my dream will no doubt have friends abuzz about me potentially getting married soon. (*whispers* No one tell them about how I've already started designing my dress. Shh!! lol.) Moving on...

I am SO SAD 'cause Fr. Hoang is leaving one of the parishes I attend. I've gotten to know him fairly well and he's awesome. He does my confessions most of the time I do them. Aw. :( Well, may God Bless him. The Lord knows what's best for Fr. Hoang. :D

Alright well, P&P started like 14 minutes ago so I should go. lol. I always write more than I intend. :D Sorry for the long blogs. I will try to keep it shorter next time. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Lost Medal Found (!), Religious Studies Semester Abroad, and Ways to Cure Boredom.

I finally found my once lost Miraculous Medal... on the living room couch. Now, I was positive I lost it at church when I went to confessions but I found it. I looked for it and couldn't find it. It's that funny? You always find things when you least expect it. I was on my way to do the dishes when I just kinda glanced in the direction and there it was. I cannot explain how HAPPY I was to see it. I was all bummed out because I thought I'd lost it but I didn't. :D I would do a cartwheel if I wasn't (still) lightheaded. :D

Since I was bored most of the day (except for a little while when I watched the first part of the Colin Firth version of Pride and Prejudice), I decided to really buckle down and narrow the list of schools to consider for my semester abroad (which will be in a few months). Since I am majoring in Religious Studies (and before you ask, I still don't know what I'm doing with that, I just know I want to major in it), it's hard to find schools that offer courses that will transfer and also be related to the major. Luckily, though, I've been able to find almost a dozen schools all over the world. My top choices are in Europe (of course) and one is in South America. I've never been down to Argentina (where one of the schools is located) so that's something that's appealing to me. I LOVE traveling so any chance I have to do it, especially if it's to some place I've never been to before, I take it! There is a lot to consider: language requirements, the courses offered at each university, etc. but I'm willing to make some sacrifices for certain schools. I will have to brush up on my French or Italian or learn Czech or Russian if I am to decide on one of those unis. I'm good with English and Spanish (I grew up speaking both) so no worries with schools being taught in those languages. I am leaning towards one particular school but who knows. I like to do pros and cons list (yeah, I really do) and really research things before I decide. If that fails, I'll just flip a coin. lol. Either way, I'm very excited about being able to live and learn outside the U.S. :D

So, like I've mentioned, I have been battling boredom (and anxiety, as well) throughout the day today. (Hey, it's still Monday in California). I've found very little ways to entertain myself. Oddly enough, washing dishes was therapeutic for a while. I'm weird, I know. I didn't get a chance to clean the entire house, though, because I would take breaks to talk to my sis and to watch certain shows that would come on (a show on Vatican City, anyone?). Sadly, I am running out of ideas on how to combat boredom so if anyone has any suggestions, please, send them my way! I should probably list the things that don't keep boredom at bay for long:

- playing guitar
- watching DVDs
- listening to the same songs over and over
- reading (seriously! I am in need of new titles to read)
- writing (temporary writer's block)
- painting, sketching
- texting random things like "Boobah" to my friends (haha, don't ask)
- etc.

*sighs* I really can't wait until everyone graduates / is off for the summer because I'm super bored and the creativity is stumped right now. le sigh. And if any of my friends in this city are reading this: I am open to being thrown over your shoulders, carried into your cars, and having mini-road trips around the city... or to the beach! Ooh, surfing's a good idea...

Alright, well, I need to eat something before I drift off to dreamland so... I should end the blog sometime in the near future. Like now. :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.
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