Lenten Reflection: St. Therese and Little Ways

Before anyone gets on my case about not having the statues covered, I would like to say that this is a picture of the roses I got for my book cave on St. Therese's feast day last year. ;)

This year, Lent has been both incredibly rewarding and intensely challenging in ways that I never would've imagined. I felt as if I had a friend in St. Therese, whose meditations for Lent (which I read using this book; same book I've used for the past five years).

Those of you who've been reading this blog for a while know that I consider St. Therese a good friend. When I was at my uber liberal "Catholic" alma mater, I used a strand of her sacrifice beads during lectures because sometimes the professors wouldn't allow anyone to speak up to challenge what they would "teach." When I had a particularly bad day (and I had a few of those junior and senior year of undergrad), I used to cry in the darkened chapel on campus and then, when I'd gotten the tears under control, I would walk over to the alcove that has a St. Therese statue. "For one pain endured with joy, we shall love the good God more forever," I used to remind myself before I had to get to my next lecture.

Over the years, I've found myself asking her for her intercession quite often. For school matters, vocation uncertainties, and other moments of weakness and doubt... and not just for myself. I once asked her to help two good guy friends figure out their vocations and they both ended up entering seminary (at the same time) last fall. :D While I've cut back on the asking for intercession (mostly because I've learned to let go and just wait to see what God has in store for me), St. Therese is still very much a constant friend in my life. This Lent was no exception.

As I've written over the past couple of weeks, I've had to endure some pretty difficult things. I saw the end of a wonderful friendship. I had a scary moment regarding my health that ended with me being taken to the ER. (side note: I'm fine. It was just a bad stomach virus and GERD that ended up triggering a bad panic attack as well; some of the symptoms were similar to those found in women when they have heart attacks.) I had some really spiritually dry days on which I didn't even want to pray and I struggled to get through the Rosary and/or prayers because of that dryness. Despite this, St. Therese's words helped remind me that Jesus Christ endured worse things; that sometimes we're asked to go through times of difficulty and that we must simply trust Him.

My biggest reward of this Lenten season was figuring out why I've always felt a kinship with St. Therese. This past week I found myself in awe of how eloquently someone expressed their beliefs. With only a few words, they were able to sum up our beliefs (as Catholics) beautifully. It's quite intimidating but, instead of being envious, I thanked God for giving that person that gift because they are undoubtedly inspiring people who have lukewarm faith (or no faith at all) to learn more about it. They certainly inspired me to look into a couple of things that I have yet to tackle on my journey to better understand our faith. As much as I wish I could express myself as well as they do, I've learned that my ways are much simpler. Enter St. Therese.

I think the reason why I've always felt close to St. Therese is because I've been able to identify with her and her little ways. I'm well aware that my words when speaking about the faith are simplistic compared to great apologists. My words come from the heart, out of love for our faith and God. When I read and learn something new, I internalize it. I like to think that I have the academic Dominican desire to learn and teach as many souls as I can but I have a Carmelite heart that internalizes things that steadily makes my love for God grow. (side note: this is why it's taken me so long to discern whether I want to be a lay Dominican or a lay Carmelite.) When it comes time to express myself, I tend to use the same words I use when speaking to a friend; uncomplicated and personal. That's always been my style though I hadn't realized it until this past week.

I'm not sure if a more formal education (read: grad school courses which will be focused on teaching the faith to others) will change the way I speak to others but I am grateful for what I've been able to do for God and His kingdom with my little ways. I may not be a great public speaker (I blush and stutter when the focus is on me) and I may not put myself out there as much as some of the great Catholic speakers do, but I try to do what I can in my little way. Thank you, St. Therese, for reminding me that "all the flowers God has created are beautiful" and that "if all flowers wanted to be roses, nature would lose her springtime beauty, and the fields would no longer be decked out with little wild flowers."

Anyway, I just wanted to share this. I'm hoping to be offline for most of Holy Week. Correction: I will be checking messages and replying but I'm hoping to cut back on the unnecessary/procrastinating/time wasting that I do when I have writer's block or am simply bored. That is my intent. Unless I get news from JP Catholic (aka admissions decision), this may be my only blog post this week. Don't quote me on this because sometimes I try to take breaks from the internet and then the Holy Spirit inspires me to write 2-3 posts in a single week. lol.

I hope y'all have a blessed Holy Week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

Getting Ready for Holy Week

Confession? Check. Homework done? Nearly Check; I have one more class to finish. (Side note: Finally!!! I'm even ahead of schedule in some courses.) Books that will help me stay on track during Holy Week? Check. All systems are good to go.

As I wrote yesterday, I had to put some thought into what I needed to do to ease the temptations I kept getting getting. One was easier than I thought (thank God for that!) and other was pretty hard because it meant saying goodbye to an old friend. In the long run, it was the best decision I could've made... but it's going to be hard. As long as I do what is right, I'll be okay. Thankfully it was clean break and there was no drama involved, which will hopefully make the transition smoother. I'm not just looking for easy, but you have to agree that it's quite preferable to chaos.

Going to confession was just what I needed. It gave me a chance to really thinks thoroughly as well as ask God for His help during this time. I also got a chance to pray both the Rosary and the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy while I waited to be picked up. Since my mom is in Mexico, I had my transportation service pick me up and drop me back home.

I think I'm ready for Holy Week. I have the schedule of Mass times (many of which I will have to go by myself since they are in the morning when my mom works.) I have eliminated the sources of my temptations. To quote Spongebob Squarepants "I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!" lol. What is everyone doing for Holy Week? I'm always interesting to hear what others do, because it's different according to the cultural traditions one grew up with.

Alright, I need to finish cleaning up around my casa. Rebecca from Modestia is coming over for a girls night in movie marathon. One of the stipulations for my staying behind in L.A. while my mom went to Mexico was that I had to have a (girl) friend stay overnight; it would ease my mother's mind. Yes, even though her daughter is an adult, she still worries. At least I'll be in good company. :D

I hope everyone has a great weekend. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Ups and Downs; Taking Care of Dad, Round Three; Holy Week.

Boy, I've had two weeks of ups and downs. It's been mostly ups, though.Some of the downers have included not being able to give my pro-life/anti-abortion speech for my Ethics class. The professor said there wasn't time, which really ticked me off because a fellow female classmate gave a pro-choice/pro-abortion speech and I wasn't even given the opportunity to contradict what she said. I worked hard on that speech, too. Grr. One day...

Another downer was that, even though I was happy to have dad home, I wasn't happy over the fact that he was still in pain. He said he'd been in pain for days so he came home early to go to the doctor's. Yesterday the doctor told him he has liver problems... which explains his lack of appetite and pain in his lower back. Not only that, because he's had problems with doctors before, 3 different doctor's have refused to treat him. The oncologist he had reported him for missing appointments (two) and now if he (heaven forbid) gets cancer for a third time, we'll have a difficult time finding him another oncologist. That's just going to make me a stressed out loony because I already had a hard time the second time around.

Unfortunately, I had absolutely NO help from anyone except my mom when my dad was diagnosed with cancer the second time around. The first time hr had cancer my mom and eldest brother did all they could because I was still in high school. Even then, I burnt myself out to finish HS a year and a half early (13 classes in 3 months -- even went 51 straight hours without sleep to finish the last homework assignments), so that I could stay at home and help my dad when no one else was home. This second time around, I asked mom to take care of things financially while I took care of everything else. Looking for a bilingual oncologist, making sure dad got to his chemotherapy appointments, spending hours on the phone fighting Medicare and Medical twice when they threatened to stop his chemotherapy, staying at home to take care of him when he was really sick... and while I had a full load at school. I'm honestly surprised I didn't have some sort of breakdown. I think now you guys understand why my anxiety was horrible last year and the year before. I pray to God that dad doesn't have to suffer through something life threatening again. I don't care about the stress it causes me; I can do what needs to be done, it's not a problem. It's the least I could do for him, especially after all he's done for me my entire life. Anyway, this whole liver problems thing just reminded me of the last time they told him he had cancer. I ended up going up to the San Fernando Mission to see if I could find a prayer card of St. Erasmus, whom I'm told is the patron saint of liver illnesses, but sadly they didn't have any. Still, I'll keep looking and praying that it's something that can be taken care of as soon as possible.

It's weird. I went from being happy that dad was home, and was incredibly happy with the beautiful chapel veil he brought me from Mexico (pictures to come as soon as I get them uploaded), to being worried about him. I'm just going to keep an optimistic look on things and pray for the best.

Something fantastic that happened this week was that, in the midst of my choosing which university I'd transfer to, I received packages and letters from the Catholic college where I'm technically a student at... one of which included a $10,000 scholarship. Not only that, I was surprised that I'm going to receive A LOT in additional grants. When it's all added up, it'll cover over half of my tuition for the year... and it's renewable every year as long as I keep my GPA where it's at right now. It pays to be a nerd! lol. With this, and with me potentially staying at home to take care of my dad again, it's like a sign for me to stay here. The other school I was considering was in England, though I don't want to say which one it was because I don't want anyone giving me a hard time about not going there. I'm hoping to win a few more scholarships so I won't be too much in debt by the time I finish my degree. Ready or not, here I come... and I still won't budge on fighting to keep the school Catholic.

Oh, and did I mention that I totally kicked tush on my Philosophy of Ethics midterm exam? I got my blue book back on Wednesday with a huge red "A" at the top. :D I've passed all my midterm exams thus far. I won't know how I did on my other exams until after Spring Break. It can wait. :D I'm just happy all the cramming I did for my Ethics midterm, that wasn't on St. Thomas Aquinas, paid off. Whoo!

And to keep the happiness going before I end the post... who is looking forward to Holy Week? I certainly am! I'm happy to be able to go to confessions this Saturday (don't know why people complain about doing this), going to Palm Sunday early Sunday morning, and then celebrating Holy Week (including going to church on Holy Thursday) with my brand new chapel veil. That's right, I'm wearing it to the upcoming Masses and I don't care what anyone thinks. *snap* lol. :D I have MANY things planned during the week, which is why I might not post that often once again. It's all for a good cause though. :D

Okay, I've written too much... as usual. I'll try to write more often to make sure the posts don't get this long again. :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.
.