How St. Therese Helped Me Through My 20s

I'm in full St. Therese fangirl mode today. I bought the prettiest roses I could find (which you're currently seeing; the dark pink color symbolizes gratitude and appreciation) and I am watching the Therese movie via Amazon since it's free to watch with a Prime membership. The reason why today is so important to me is because St. Therese has been one of my best heavenly friends, especially in my 20s. This is the last St. Therese feast day in which I will be in my 20s (I'll be 30 in May) so I thought it would be appropriate to reflect on how she's helped me through this decade.

As most of you know, I reverted to the Faith shortly after I turned 21. The seeds of my reversion were planted at age 19 (a month before I turned 20; during the election of Pope Benedict XVI, actually) but I didn't fully return until 21. I was actually quite reluctant to ask St. Therese for her intercession when I had been a fresh reverted because she's so popular. I thought to myself "maybe I should find saints who are less well-known". However, St. Therese kept coming up and I eventually gave in and learned more about her.

St. Therese and I became good friends by the time I was 23. Her story inspired me (especially since I discerned the religious life between the ages of 22 and 23) and I began to learn how to let go of my immature habits through her story. Sadly, it is not my vocation to be a religious sister but a great love for nuns was established during this time and I still fangirl whenever I see them. Seriously, just look at my face when there are nuns within view. lol.

She and Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati became my best heavenly friends when I started classes at my CINO college alma mater. As many of you know, that was a nightmare because of the Church, Pope (Emeritus) Benedict XVI, and priest bashing. I would sit through lectures, often unable to speak up (they knew my "trad" leanings, especially after I wore a veil to the Red Mass on campus), and occasionally cry whenever I heard them drag the Church through the mud.

During my first year there, I received a strand of sacrifice beads which I used whenever they spoke horrible (sometimes downright and openly heretical) things in lectures. In between classes, I would go to the chapel and pray or I would spend some time at the St. Therese alcove near the chapel. Most of my loveliest memories of my time at that prison involve time spent in front of the statue of St. Therese. There were a lot of tears, a lot of prayers, and a lot of moments in which I felt inner peace and they all involved St. Therese during my academic career. (side note: during the first Lent at the CINO college, I began the (now) annual tradition of using this St. Therese book during Lent.)

In my final year (I was there for only two years since I'd transferred from a community college), I made a shirt (which I think I have a picture of somewhere on this blog... please don't make me look for the link, lol) with a picture of St. Therese and the quote "For one pain endured with joy, we shall love the good God more forever." Yes, I deliberately chose that quote because it was my way of peacefully protesting what was being "taught" at that school. Whenever the Sisters who taught my courses made me cry (and I was openly attacked by at least one of them during lectures) I would remember to offer it up and would try to imagine what St. Therese would've done if she were in my shoes.

After graduation, I did freelance writing but I knew I couldn't continue because of how financially unstable it was. I was unsure if I should have gone for the Theology M.A. or if I had been right in choosing to switch career paths to SLP. I had submitted my application to USU shortly before her feast day last year and on her feast day I received a pink rose as a sign that I had chosen the right path. I was accepted on St. Teresa of Avila's feast day (two Teresas!) and have been on this path since.

During this past year, there have been many times that I have turned to St. Therese (she's become my vocation patroness) and she's showered me with roses. One of my favorite stories (which only a handful of friends knew until now) is from this past summer. I was driving past a house that I had (and have since) passed several times when I noticed they had beautiful pink roses in bloom. I even pointed it out to the passenger in the car, and said, in passing that I wondered if it was St. Therese's sign for me since I had been doing a novena to her at the time. Here's the kicker: that was the ONLY time those roses were pink. We passed by that house 2-3 days later and the roses were red. We've passed by that house for weeks afterward and they've stayed red. Unless there are some roses that start pink (and not dark pink) and end up bright red in the span of 2 days, we have no explanation other than they were a sign from St. Therese that things would work out (and they did). I know I didn't imagine the color because it was confirmed by the person who was with me.

As those of you who have been reading the blog lately know, I've been unsure about continuing SLP (into the Master's program) for a number of reasons. Today, on St. Therese's feast day, I received an email telling me that ASHA (American Speech-Language-Hearing Association) had paired me with an established SLP to mentor me through graduation next year. I have yet to receive a rose (I asked for specific colors for SLP and for Theology) but St. Therese has helped me through so much, I know she'll send me one when the time is right.

There are a number of other stories (some way too personal to share) that involve St. Therese but let's just say that she's helped me through many of my hardest moments since my reversion. I know St. Therese won't discontinue to be there for me as soon as I turn 30, but I am grateful to have had her by my side through most of my 20s.

I hope all of you who did the novena to St. Therese receive a rose from her in the near future (if you already haven't). Never be afraid to ask her for her intercession, especially regarding vocations. It's been through her intercession that I've realized my career path and it's her intercession that I ask for when I pray for my friends who are discerning their vocations (especially my seminarian friends, Andrew and Thomas).

Anyway, that's my story. I tried to keep it as "in a nutshell" as possible or else this blog entry would've been at least twice as long. lol.

I hope y'all are enjoying her feast day and I'll leave y'all with my favorite quote by St. Therese...

"Jesus deigned to teach me this mystery. He set before me the book of nature; I understood how all the flowers He has created are beautiful, how the splendor of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not take away from the perfume of the little violet or the delightful simplicity of the daisy. I understood that if all flowers wanted to be roses, nature would lose her springtime beauty, and the fields would no longer be decked out with little wildflowers. And so it is in the world of souls, Jesus' garden. He willed to create great souls comparable to lilies and roses but He has created smaller ones and these must be content to be daisies or violets destined to give joy to God's glances when He looks down at His feet. Perfection consists of doing His will in being what He wills us to be."

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Daily Mass Addictions and School Afflictions

Hello. My name is Emmy and I am a Daily Mass addict. No, seriously. Just ask Joe who made me realize it yesterday. One day, last week, I woke up with an overwhelming urge to attend daily Mass and I've gone every day since. The only days I've missed have been days which I attend classes and am thus unable to attend Mass. (side note: my school is roughly 15 miles from where I live but we have notoriously horrible traffic -- 45 mins to 3 HOURS one way, depending on how bad it is -- so I can't get to/from Mass on time.) I don't know how/why it started but I am not complaining. It all started with a spontaneous idea to go into the chapel on campus to pray the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy before class and it's now Daily Mass followed by the Chaplet. I don't feel right not going to Mass. I've never adapted to a change in my schedule/daily routine to quickly before. Is it weird to say that I feel empty not attending Mass and receiving the Eucharist every day? I honestly can't imagine myself not attending Mass on a daily basis anymore. Everything's changed... and I love this change.

Instead of sleeping until 9-10 a.m. like I would on days I didn't have to go to campus, I get up at 7:30 (or as close to it as I can) in order to eat something light, an hour before communion, since I know I can't fast without feeling faint. I tried that (fasting) last week and I nearly fainted while praying the Rosary. (second side note: Oh yes, I have also joined a group of parishioners that pray the Rosary, novenas, and chaplets after morning Mass. :D) I don't get enough sleep anymore but I am not as tired as I thought I would be. The insomnia I experienced the last couple of week has gotten better, I'm a lot more calm (though anxiety's been worse... more on that later), the sun is brighter, etc. I'm also more aware of my actions and of thinking before speaking which helps me not be in need of confession as frequently. That is terribly important to me. Whenever I go to Mass in the morning I am reminded of two Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati quotes:

"I urge you with all the strength of my soul to approach the Eucharist Table as often as possible. Feed on this Bread of the Angels from which you will draw the strength to fight inner struggles."

AND

(in a letter to his friend, "Tonino", dated 8/13/1923): "... when one goes into the mountains one should sort out one's conscience first, because one never knows if one will return."

That last quote is on page 134 of the book Pier Giorgio Frassati: Letters to His Friends and Family. In that letter to his friend, Bl. Pier Giorgio, an avid mountain climber and sportsman, talks about the importance of going to confession after the death of a fellow mountain climber. In previous letters he also wrote about how important it was for him to receive the Eucharist before he climbed mountains. Of course, I'm not a mountain climber (I'm, at best, a lover of hikes) but I can relate to it in more ways than one. I'm always either driving or being driven. A day on which I don't drive is rare. Not only that, I attend a school which has a campus up on a mountain. The view is spectacular when you're outside but as soon as I go inside, it's a fight against the liberal, dare I say heretical, teachings I encounter inside. Just like Bl. Pier Giorgio, I think I need to receive the Eucharist daily to remind me of who I am, who am I not nor will I be in order to fit in, and that I have my Heavenly Father looking out for me. I am not in physical danger (at least not like Bl. Pier Giorgio was when he climbed) but I do feel my soul is in danger (though one I am aware of as to not fall) each time I step foot on that campus.

And that leads me to the reason why I think my anxiety's been worse lately. Well, partly. I've noticed that my anxiety gets worse on the days before I have to go class as well as the first part of the day. And it goes back to one thing... or, I should say, one person: my music professor. As I've mentioned before, she does not like me... or so it seems. I thought we'd had a breakthrough last week when she tried to understand what it's like to be a student with anxiety but this week it's gone sour again. I haven't felt so personally attacked by a professor in quite a while. She skips over me when my hand is raised for a question, she tells me to be quiet when I volunteer to answer (when no one else wants to), she finds the littlest things to reprimand me on even though I am not doing anything bad, and I am never write. Saint and religion question: I am NEVER right. Of course, I get online after class (I don't do it during out of respect for my professors) and I check to see if I was right... and I am. Yesterday I had my hand raised for the longest time and a classmate even motioned to her that I had the answer but she skipped me. She didn't come back to me until several minutes after I put down my hand and then my answer was "wrong." I don't talk back to her or anything, mostly because my parents taught me to respect my elders and partly because I'm too busy trying to catch my breathing in her class (trying not to hyperventilate due to anxiety).

I will also admit that all of this has gotten me down the past couple of weeks... but it's been most obvious the last week. Yesterday I was one big weepy/mopey mess. She really made me feel like I was a speck of dirt that was bothering her and it really messed up my day. Though I can normally just forget about people not liking me, the fact that she's been this way since day one (yes, since the first day of classes) and that she finds new ways of making me feel like crumbs has gotten to me. She's going to cancel classes a couple of times next month and in April and I am sorry to say that I very much look forward to those days. I offer up every little thing she says to make me feel horrible and keep track of it on my St. Therese Sacrifice Beads. If you guys can please say a pray that I can make it through the next 2 months and 4 weeks (the countdown is on your left hand side) and that I actually pass my classes so that I can graduate, I would be so grateful.

Okay, I think I've unintentionally procrastinated longer than I anticipated. lol. I have to do coursework for a presentation tomorrow as well as a fellow up meeting with my Thesis adviser so I really need to get to work.

I hope y'all are having a great week thus far and if any of you need me to offer up one of my bad days for a special intention you may have, let me know. I'd gladly do it. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Happy St. Therese of Lisieux Feast Day!

Since it's St. Therese's feast day today, and I'm a big fan of having fresh flowers in my room, I decided to buy some roses... and these are them. (side note: I got the framed picture of St. Therese from a Carmelite nun too but that was a while back. :D)

Well, as the title says, Happy St. Therese feast day! She's one of my favorite saints, one of my heavenly buddies, and this blog's patron saint for the year so y'all know I had to do something extra special this year. :D

I've learned a lot from St. Therese this past year -- a lot. I feel like she's taught me how to better my relationship not just with God but with friends and those who are part of my life. I carry around a set of sacrifice beads wherever I go and through the little sacrifices I make throughout the day (and especially at school) I've learned how to be more patient as well as how to let the smaller things go. Earlier this year I read Lenten Journey with Jesus Christ and St. Therese of Lisieux by Fr. John F. Russell, O.Carm and it definitely enriched my experience during Lent. I've done several novenas for my friends as well as myself and she's never failed to show us one of her many roses. In fact, I am currently doing a novena (which I had to restart because I fell asleep on the second day; I'm two days behind everyone who is doing it) and I have faith that she will share one of her roses with me. It's a pretty big decision I've been going back and forth on for a couple of months now (actually, for the past year as of this month) so, we'll see. :)

I wish I could write this beautiful, eloquent post about St. Therese but I am sadly short on time. I have my first midterm this weekend (due tomorrow but I am trying to get it done tonight) and the rest are next week so I am swamped with coursework. I have a total of 641 pages left to read before my last midterm next Thursday. Yes, I counted. I need to do at least 140 pages by tomorrow night. Oh yeah, that crazy. I also have projects, discussion posts, quizzes, etc etc. Starting off senior year with a crazy load but it's okay. :) It'll all be worth it when I get my degree. :D I will just leave you with this: I am so incredibly grateful to St. Therese for the example she's given us all on how to be a good person without having to do these great big gestures. For those of us who are shy and can't easily express ourselves as easily as others, it's a blessing to have someone like her to show us that the little things we do count just as much as the big ones; it doesn't diminish the intention or who we are inside.

Anyway, I hope everyone is having/had a great day, especially those who count St. Therese as their patron saint. :D I also hope y'all have a great weekend. :D

This month has A LOT of feast days I celebrate so expect more posts... especially after midterms when the course load gets lighter. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Hooray for Reverse Senioritis; School Update

As I stated in the last blog post, I seem to have reverse senioritis which is why there hasn't been an update in over a week. What exactly is reverse senioritis, you may ask. Well, instead of not wanting to do the coursework assigned because I'm in the last couple of months before graduation I'm actually doing what I can to get ahead. I'm actually currently behind a couple of days because this week has been quite eventful (including a car accident on the way to school AND a mini earthquake yesterday; no worries, no one was hurt) and I haven't had the time to sit down and properly study in a couple of days. My goal is to be a week or so ahead in most of my classes which is doable if I take this weekend to do it. I can do it since the readings aren't too bad but I will need to take a break from the 'net until Sunday day of rest) and then again until probably Tuesday.

As for how school is going: I'm at the moment indifferent. I'm loving my Norse mythology course because of the imagination they had and because my professor is so passionate about it that he makes the lectures interesting. My Christology class is going okay. I feel like I'm getting mixed messages and y'all know I'm not too happy about that. Some things are right on the mark and others have me sitting in my seat, moving a St. Therese Sacrifice Bead over and offering it up. I feel like it's also too PC (politically correct) but I've felt that way about all my Religious Studies classes thus far. It's almost as if it's criminal to talk about what the Church's actual teachings on subjects such as homosexuality are not taught for fear of offending people. Y'all know my theory: I'd rather be told the Truth and have people ticked off for having the guts to say it than offending the Lord but maybe that's just me. The semester is still in its early days (we just finished the 2nd week) so I'm still hoping and praying that we'll eventually get less mixed messages. There's still hope. :)

Everything else is going great. Anxiety's been a bit of a mess with the events that happened yesterday but I'm drinking red rooibos tea which helps the anxiety go down and all things are good. :) Oh, and I know I was vague about a tweet I made about changes happening but I hope to be able to write about it on Monday (if I am able to finish reading by Saturday night). It'll work out because part of it involves music and y'all know I enjoy my Music Monday posts. :D

Anyway, just wanted to give y'all an update. I hope those of you who are already back in school are finding your classes a little easier to manage than last year (seems most of us had a hard time last school year). As I said, I hope to post on Monday about the changes coming up... which I may or may not be criticized for but I feel these are needed. :)

Hope y'all had a great week and have a fantastic long weekend. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D