Escape from Homeworkland and Other Updates

Can you hear the angels singing? They are singing because I've finally caught up with all the reading assigned for my Historical Books of the Old Testament course! YES! Everyone conga! I'd fallen behind two weeks due to a combination of lack of textbook and lack of concentration (amongst other things) but I've done it! To celebrate I'm going to blog. lol.

Now, this doesn't mean I'm caught up with doing my exams -- I have three to do -- but at least everything with a due date is done and I'm going to try to get at least 2 of those exams done by tonight so I can focus on my final project. I've been putting off taking the exams due to lack of concentration but hope a nap later today will help with that. The final project isn't due for another 3-4 weeks but I want to take my time doing it (because I'm so into the material) so I want to start a bit early. :D

All of this is a bit miraculous, especially if you know my track record with school over the last couple of years. I'm very much prone to procrastination. It's a major problem. Sometimes I allow little things to derail me. I use them as excuses. Now, I've had legitimate excuses lately.

On Tuesday I found out I'm slightly anemic once again. Though I've reached my weight goal (after struggling with being underweight for about 3 years; another fist pump in the air!) and my platelets and everything else is within normal range, my white and red blood count and ferritin levels are still a bit on the low side. Folate level? Abismal! That explains why I've been so fatigued lately. I've been napping more often than usual and I can't concentrate as easily due to the mental fatigue that accompanies the physical fatigue. Still, I've been able to get lectures and reading done (though I'm a week behind on lecture videos) as well as two exams (both of which I did well on) and discussion posts.

I think it's thanks to the intercession of the Holy Spirit, Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, and St. Catherine of Siena that I've been able to accomplish as much as I have. First I asked Bl. Pier Giorgio and the Holy Spirit to intercede -- Bl. Pier Giorgio because he died a few exams short of receiving his degree and because studying didn't always come easy to him. The Holy Spirit because, well, it's obvious. ;) I asked Bl. Pier Giorgio to intercede because of my lack of concentration. I was doing well but still struggled once in awhile. Then the novena of St. Catherine of Siena started and I asked her to intercede when it came to the temptation to procrastinate (since she's a patroness against temptations). Fast forward a couple of weeks and I actually have the opportunity to be 2 weeks ahead in my textbook reading instead of 2 weeks behind. Thank you, Holy Spirit, Bl. Pier Giorgio, and St. Catherine of Siena!

It doesn't hurt that the textbooks and course material has been right up my alley. We've been learning -- as I mentioned at the beginning of the blog post -- about the historical books in the Old Testament. That is to say, we've been reading Joshua, Judges, Ruth, 1 Samuel, 2 Samuel, 1 Kings, and 2 Kings thus far. Next week we tackle 1 Chronicles and so forth. Is it possible to be in love with the material? Because I am. If there was any doubt that this was the path that God wanted me to take, it's gone.

Likewise, if there was any doubt that I have strong Dominican tendencies (which my spiritual director himself said I had a couple of years ago), it's gone. lol. After all my indecision between choosing either the Dominican and Carmelite orders, I can now see that I'm better suited for the Dominican lifestyle. However, my SD advised me to wait until I finished graduate school to start the process to become a lay Dominican. And, before anyone asks, yes, I'm sure I don't have a religious vocation. God has made that abundantly clear in my life, especially lately. Also, yes, I know that it's been through the intercession of two Dominican saints that I've been able to accomplish what I have in my course this quarter. ;)

Anyway, I just wanted to give y'all a little update on what's been going on with me since I've been pretty silent on this blog and on social media, though I've been a bit more active on Twitter lately.

Before I end this blog post can I just say how grateful I am with how things have worked out in my life lately? It's been a roller coaster ride with its ups and downs but everything has shown me that God is doing some incredible things in my life. He has shown me that He's heard my prayers for Him to help guide me down the path He wants me to take. As I reflected on Twitter a couple of nights ago, I'm grateful for the ability to take naps as needed. If I had a husband and children to take care, this anemia-induced fatigue would've made grad school difficult for me. That's not to say that I would prefer a Master's degree to a family -- I quite frankly don't; I honestly would've preferred to have gotten married and had children at a younger age instead -- but if it's God's will for me that I do this before I start a family then I'm grateful for the ability to do so. It's all about His plans and His timing. I'll expound more on this next time because I certainly have had a major breakthrough in this area.

For now, I'm going to say: I hope y'all are doing well! I think I'll get a chance to blog more often in the coming weeks but don't be surprised if I miss a couple of days whenever things are due. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Trusting God with St. Therese Book Review

When I decided to try Kindle Unlimited, I looked for good Catholic books to read during my last month of vacation. Starting grad school at the end of this month, I wanted "easy" reads (so nothing too heavy) and thought that Trusting God with St. Therese by Connie Rossini sounded like it would be a good fit. I imagine it wouldn't be too heavy and that I would be able to breeze through it. Boy, was I wrong.

I'll be perfectly honest with you, this book made me uncomfortable... in the best way. Why did it make me uncomfortable? Because it made me look at certain parts of my life (especially spiritual) that I don't like thinking about. I was reading a chapter that touched on death on the day my mother's birthday rolled around and I sat up that night, tearing up about the prospect of my mother dying. I know it's part of life and it will eventually happen but I don't like thinking about it. However, despite the reluctance I felt reading some chapters, it was good for me because it really emphasized how important it is to trust God in all circumstances of life.

I highlighted a lot of things in this book. A LOT. I'm going to take some of these highlights to spiritual direction with me tomorrow because I feel like they'll help me in my spiritual slump. That spiritual dryness I talked about two months ago? It still comes and goes. Thankfully, this book reminded that even great saints, like St. Therese and Bl. Mother Teresa, go through periods of spiritual dryness and that all I have to do it trust God, even when I don't understand what's going on.

Throughout this book I had moments where I said "I've felt/feel/have experienced that!" Connie is so candid about her own experiences (shared in order for us to better understand each chapter's theme) that I felt like someone who understood me and what I went through was talking to. It was a sort of "I've been there and I've been able to come out of it in one piece thanks to God's mercy and grace" pep talk one would get from an older family member / friend.

The book covers every big topic you could think of tackling in your own personal life -- forgiveness, resignation, suffering, love, loss, etc. The two that stuck out the most for me were forgiveness and, of course, lack of trust. As I've been doing for the last couple of years (with the help of my spiritual director), I saw that there were more things that I needed to undo and unlearn from both my childhood and the years following my father's death.

I'll be the first to admit that I picked up a couple of bad habits that have taken time to slowly get out of my system. This book reminded me that occasionally failing didn't mean that I was a hopeless case. Instead I need to focus on God's love and mercy instead of my failure. I need to take the focus off of myself and place it back on God.

I felt closer to St. Therese as well. I connected with her on a different level because I finally felt like she and I are kindred spirits. I've always gravitated towards her and her Little Way but I never understood why. I usually get the sugarcoated version of her life but Connie talked about a side of St. Therese that made her seem more human. Like St. Therese, I was a sensitive child who cried easily whenever someone criticized me. Like St. Therese, I occasionally struggle with scruples, worried that I'm offending God during my moments of weakness instead of remembering His infinite love and mercy. These are just some of the examples that made St. Therese feel more like a sister than a heavenly friend.

Would I recommend this book to everyone? Yes! It doesn't matter if you aren't drawn to the Carmelite spirituality. I myself have been going back and forth between Carmelite and Dominican third orders for years. Even if I do end up going down the Dominican route (or ultimately discern that joining a third order is not part of God's will for me), this is one book that I will want to re-read every couple of years. I don't know Connie (though I think she may be following me on Twitter; have I mentioned how slow I am to follow people back?). She didn't ask me to review her book. While I did get this book free via Kindle Unlimited, I will definitely be purchasing a hard copy for my personal library, it's that good.

And I think that's all I can say without spoiling the book completely. ;)

I'm currently on a two week vacation but I also have some reading and study questions to get through so I should try to get some of that done... after I do some housework and other things. What's a "vacation"? lol.

I hope y'all had a great weekend and that you have a wonderful start of week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

What I Learned Wednesday #21: Big News Edition

1) If you haven't already heard via the blog's FB page or my Twitter account, here is my big news: I was formally accepted into Utah State University's Communicative Disorders and Deaf Education program. That's a mouthful. lol. I received an email yesterday (almost as soon as I woke up) congratulating me. It was extra special (for me) to have received the news yesterday, too. As I tweeted,

Well, got a rose from St. Therese (about school) on her feast day and was accepted on St. Teresa of Avila's feast day. Well played. lol.
— Emmy Cecilia (@nerdwriter) October 15, 2013

If you've been a reader since the blog's first year (some of you have stuck around these past - almost - 6 years), you know that I have a special devotion to St. Teresa of Avila ever since I had that dream about her. I'm a big fan of the Discalced Carmelites as well so yesterday was the perfect day for the news. I have a feeling I'm going to have her and St. Therese (and the Immaculate Heart of Mary) on my mind throughout the entire program since I did novenas to all three of them (though not all for school) during the entire application to decision process.

2) If you're wondering if this means I'm giving up on my Theology M.A. or on writing about Catholicism because I'll be focusing on Speech-Language Pathology, the answers is a big NO. As I posted a couple of weeks ago (after my big post on my fears about doing a "secular" job), I feel like this is where God wants me now. I really need to strengthen my knowledge of theology before I can hope to either teach it or do something with it. The plan is that I will do Speech-Language Pathology first and then do Theology due to familial and financial responsibilities that I have. Of course, now my journey will include me trying to incorporate what I learn as a speech therapist into my faith (and vice versa) so there will always be new material to cover in the blog. It will be a challenge as I was told how intense SLP programs can be but nothing worth having or doing is easy (even trying to lead a holy life is hard with all the temptations to sin) so it'll be good for me to try to find a good balance between school/career and faith. God and my faith are the most important things in my life (though, obviously, God trumps all) so it'll be interesting to see what happens.

3) I don't start my classes until next May (first time in years I'll have classes on my birthday) so I will have time to focus on my CINO college project. And, actually, after the response about submitting stories from elementary school through high school, I decided to open it up to submissions at any and all grade levels as long as they took place at CINO schools. We really need to do something about this horrible epidemic... and it is an epidemic at this point. I've seen well education young women get their orthodox beliefs warped by liberation theology and I can only guess that there must be schools that start their students with some terribly unorthodox beliefs/theology as well. So, please, submit any and all stories you have so we can make a stronger case against funding and/or sending students to these so-called "Catholic" schools. There are so many good school that are faithful yet struggle to remain open. It's really a pity and I really want to help as much as I can. The first posts regarding this will start next week.

I'm seriously behind on reading so I'm going to go do that. I've just started feeling better from the stress so I'm going to try to continue trying to relax until the knots in my shoulders are gone. :) 

Oh! There is a chance of potentially having good news tomorrow morning (that involves finally being able to receive the Eucharist for the first time since early June) so please say a little prayer for me if you can.

That's it for now. :D I hope y'all have been having a great week thus far. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Considering Joining a Third/Lay Order

Before I get into the main topic of the post *points to title*, let me apologize for the lack of updates. Yes, I'm on vacation but I've spent almost every day getting through every inch of the apartment, in full Spring Clean-a-thon mode. Doesn't sound like much of a vacation but it'll be the only time I can get it done before my birthday next week and before I return to work (freelance writing, meh) the first week of June. Only 1.5 bedrooms are left but I am taking a break today to blog... and reblog a lot of Anne of Green Gable things on my tumblr. (side note: Gilbert Blythe has officially ousted Henry Tilney as my literary crush.) ;)

I've been thinking about joining a Third/Lay Order for years now. Ever since I figured out that my vocation wasn't a religious one, I looked into it but I haven't really researched it. I have my favorite Orders but I feel like I should look at all types of spirituality (i.e. Carmelite, Dominican, Benedictine, Passionist, etc.) to find the right fit for me. I don't like doing things on a whim or lightly so it's going to take some time but there are a few things that I know about myself that will help me decide. I won't say what they are (this time around) but when I've decided on things, I'll let y'all know. :)

When mom and I went to spend Mother's Day with the Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart of Los Angeles, our wish (as it was my mother's as much as mine) to visit them. I've always been attracted to the Carmelites, I think even as a child of 6-7 when I used to proudly proclaim that I would one day become a nun. I didn't know the Carmelites by name but I remember liking the habits from that age. A couple of my favorite saints are Carmelites and I am enrolled in the Brown Scapular so this visit was going to happen at some point. I absolutely loved seeing them in their "natural habitat" (hope that doesn't sound too rude; I didn't any disrespect). They were all extremely friendly and praying the Rosary with them prior to Mass was amazing despite the horrid heat that day (it went up to 90-something degrees Fahrenheit). I loved being there but if I had any doubts of my vocation (as a laywoman and future wife and mama), it was the final "child, just be patient" sign. As much as I would've loved to have been a religious sister (and I really did want to be), I feel as if God has plans for me out here, "in the world" (as I like to say). Still, it doesn't mean that I can't join a Third Order. Just because I'm out "in the world" doesn't mean I'm going to belong to it. Does that make any sense?

I'll admit that I've only looked at the Carmelite and Dominican Third Orders because of the saints I love (St. Teresa of Avila and St. Therese of Lisieux for Carmelites and Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati for Dominicans) but I'll be doing my research before I get back to the tedious work grind.

And now we've come full circle without drawing out into a long blog post. You're welcome. ;) lol.

I really should get back to finishing the Clean-a-thon so I can enjoy the rest of my vacation. We're taking the train (not a fan of planes) for an out of town trip later this week so I want to get everything done before then. :)

I hope you are all having a great start of week. I hope to resume of What I Learned Wednesday posts tomorrow but don't hold me to it because I'm not sure how long it'll take me to get the two bedrooms (remember: I'm going inch by inch) done.

Prayers going out to those affected by the tornadoes as well as those who are still in danger zones. May St. Medard (patron against bad weather, tornadoes included) and St. Scholastica (patroness against storms) intercede so that more lives are spared, especially those in the tornadoes' paths of destruction.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

Let's Hear it for Daily Mass, Ladies and Gentlemen!

I love LOL Saints pictures. :)

Seriously though, let's have a round of applause for having the option to attend daily Mass. *claps* I cannot begin to describe how happy I am to go on an (almost) daily basis. I don't take it for granted because I know that some people live in rural areas where Mass isn't celebrated often. Also, I know most of us have crazy hectic lives and we can't always attend daily Mass. I myself can't go on Tuesdays and Thursdays because I have classes but I try to go on all other days. Even if, for some reason, I can't receive communion, I don't feel right if I don't go.

I was reflecting on this prior to Mass yesterday. I feel almost empty and incomplete when I don't attend Mass. It's like I miss out on something amazing (which I think I do). I didn't go today because I was so physically exhausted that I simply couldn't get out of bed because I felt a bit shaky. I do vaguely remember saying (out loud) "I do love you, God, but I am not feeling that great right now" before falling back asleep this morning. And now my day feels a bit off. (side note: I also didn't go to confession today but I wasn't in need of it (thank God) so I'm okay there.) I don't know why but this desire to attend daily Mass only increases as the weeks pass. I'm very grateful for the feeling though. It's already helped me out a lot.

As I said in a previous blog post, one of the things that I've noticed about attending daily Mass is that I am more conscience of my actions. I am able to be more charitable towards people who treat me poorly for whatever reason. I am more aware of when I could potentially do something wrong and/or sinful and I realize things early enough to be able to correct my actions. After receiving the Eucharist each morning, I feel complete. I feel so much more relaxed and calm throughout the day. My anxiety and stress levels due to school related things may be up but I still somehow feel better in general.

I know my vocation is sadly not a religious one (as much as I would've loved it to be; I grew up wanting to be a Carmelite nun) so I've been contemplating potentially becoming a Tertiary (Third Order) Carmelite or Dominican. I have such an intense desire to be a part of the Church and since I am not called to be a nun then I feel like maybe this is the right step for me. Both Orders really appeal to me so I will have to pray about this and see which one I would most benefit from as well as be able to contribute to. I've considered this step for a long time but it's only intensified with my daily trips to the nearby parish. :)

Another thing that has come up with my trips to daily Mass: I am not entirely sure I want to teach after I graduate. I mean, I do want to spread the Word and teach younger generations the Truth but I am not sure I would last very long in a classroom. My heart and head are both telling me that I would be happy working with children as well as with older adults so I don't know. I know in my heart that I really want to help others and that I want to share the love I have for God with as many people as I possibly can but I'm very confused as to where I will go after graduation. I am taking a year off to work before I pursue my Master's degree but I think it would be a little less stressful if I had a game plan for the Fall. If y'all can please pray for this, I would greatly appreciate it. Right now all I can do is pray and keep myself open to whatever God has in store for me.

Anyway, I just felt like sharing these random thoughts. I have noticed that my readership in both this blog and my tweets has gone down considerably (and I am not complaining at all!) so I feel less pressured to write something amazing. Back to the "writing how I feel... even if it's incredibly sappy and emotional" plan. ;)

I have the rest of the evening and tomorrow off (I am mentally drained after reading close to 400 pages for classes this week) so I am going to enjoy it with a little movie marathon.

I hope y'all had a great week and will have a great weekend.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Epiphany at Church: Married or Single Vocation?

I love when things "randomly" click together, especially when I'm at Church for Mass. It actually happens more often when I go to Mass by myself than when I go with someone. Since my mom worked today, I had to go by my lonesome. Last Sunday I ended up missing Mass because my ride (actually a transportation service in L.A. which I am qualified for) failed to pick me up and then by the time they were going to send someone, it was too late for Mass. Argh, these people. :( Anyway, I was glad that I was picked up (late, but better than nothing) and that I was able to get there in time to get confessed before Mass.

So, why didn't I go yesterday? I did... and we didn't get a chance to confess. For the first time since about October of last year, the confession line was so long, that people worried about whether or not they would get a chance. Sadly, there was only one priest (which could explain the dozen or so people still waiting to confess 15 minutes before time was up) and we were at the very back of the line. Since there was no way I was going to receive the Eucharist (I MUST every weekend) if I didn't confess, I made it a goal to do so before Mass today. Luckily, Fr. Leo let me confess before the last English Mass of the day (the noon Mass) and I was good.

One thing I also got to (quickly) talk about with Fr. Leo was my vocation. I'm going to talk to him about becoming a Lay Carmelite soon, since I am positive that I am not meant for the religious vocation. I wouldn't be opposed to it if I was. :D After my talk with him, while at Mass I realized something that I'd been neglecting to think about... what if I'm actually called to be single? What if I'm so afraid to be alone, or so selfish to want my own family, that I'm failing to see what my vocation could truly be? I'd never really considered it before. I was internally fighting against the thought as it came into my mind.

I considered what I thought, that maybe I didn't think about it before because I was either afraid to be alone or because I'd been too selfish, wanting a husband and children... but then two more thoughts crossed my mind; maybe I've just thought about this (single vocation) because I've already gotten guilt trips about leaving my mom to fend for herself. As I said in my No Dating; Courtship post, the topic of marriage has come up often recently (if I had a penny for every time it came up...) and every time I've felt bad about even thinking about it because I know I'd have to leave my mom and make my own life with my new husband. The thought of being called to be single had crossed my mind, and I had seriously thought about becoming a religious sister for a long time, but I'd always felt like I was called to being a wife and mother. Up until recently, I really felt that that was it for me. Now, I'm not so sure. I'm not sure if my feelings changed because of all the guilt I feel or because it's truly my vocation. As Fr. Leo briefly advised me, I need to really pray hard about this and then get back to him soon. Since he is now my main spiritual adviser (Fr. Stan got transferred to another parish), I'll have to update him with my journey thus far. What I am sure of it that whether I stay single or get married, I will still want to be associated with the Carmelites in one way or another.

I have A LOT to think, and pray, about. Hey, now I have something new to think about when I'm back to school. :D And, speaking of which, I'm off to get my schedule printed and make sure my ride will pick me up on time. I like to over-prepare myself so that I'm not stressing in the morning. First class of the day/school year: Philosophy of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. Whoo-hoo! :D

Hope everyone had a great weekend. :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.

New Path and How St. Therese of Lisieux Fits Into It

Lately I feel like God's been calling me to follow a different path than the one I've been on; a much holier one. No, that doesn't mean that I believe my vocation is to be a religious sister; I still feel, in my heart, that my vocation is that of wife and mother. This new path DOES, however, involve my vocation. I can't go into it too much because it's part of the other blog post I'm working on (yes, it's still in the drafts page) but I will say that I find it amusing that it took a Christian (non-Catholic) to really make me realize that all the signs have been pointing in this direction. I had a dream in mid-late June that St. Therese of Lisieux had told me to have patience about this particular thing and showed me something that I did not understand... but now, with this new epiphany, I understand. (side note: She also said that a friend, who is currently discerning his vocation, was meant for a particular vocation but what do I know? lol.) I'm not saying that all my dreams come true or that they're all divine messages. Not at all. I wanted to clarify this for those who are new to my blog and have read about my dreams occasionally coming true. For all we know, this is something that I've subconsciously known but that it's just clicked in my mind. Point is that I think I know why I've had this inexplicable need/want to have St. Therese present in my life in some way.

So now that I know what I have to do, and have already begun doing it, I have to do a lot to reach my new goal. First, I need to work on myself -- a lot. There are still many things I want to accomplish. Second, I'm still doing research but I am certain I want to have something to with the Carmelites. Perhaps a Lay (Third Order) Carmelite? As I said, I'm still researching all of this but I feel like God, with the help of both St. Teresa of Avila (whom I've felt connected to for years) and St. Therese of Lisieux, is calling me to this. I believe there are some Carmelites that attend (or did last semester) one of the colleges I'll be attending this semester so I hope I can speak with them about this if I can find them. All that I want to do is somehow connected to St. Therese -- either in what she did or how she did things while she was alive. It all sounds kind of vague, I know it does, but I promise it'll all make sense when I publish the other post I've been working on. I haven't finished it only because I haven't finished a particular book I want to discuss in the post. I will try my best to finish it later today or tomorrow to post tomorrow. I'm halfway through the book and I've been known to read books quickly (when I have the free time to do so). Fingers crossed.

Oh, before I end this post I want to give a HUGE "Thank you" to Rebecca of Modestia and Catholic in Film School for unknowingly helping me on this new path. All she did was invite to go have lunch and go shopping, which we did for 8 hours (I think my feet are still sore, lol), but she helped me discover a newfound confidence in myself that I didn't know I had. (Btw, if you read this and if you end up using any of the pictures you took of me, please blur my face out or something, lol.)

I guess that's all I can say, for now, without giving too much away about the next post. I will say that it's a little bit long, though I will try to make it as pain-free as I possibly can. :D Okay, that's it for today. I need to go clean the house and see what I can find to eat 'cause we have almost nothing edible left in the house. I will be happy when I go grocery shopping later today. :D I hope everyone had a great weekend and that we, who are returning to classes next week, enjoy the last week of vacation. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.