Quick Update

I'm in a bit of pain (grr!) but just wanted to write a quick hello. If anyone is wondering, Liverpool did NOT go onto the finals to see Manchester United but I am SO incredibly proud of my Red men for fighting 'til the end! A lot of people were expecting me to be angry and depressed but I'm not because I'm just so proud of my team. :D

And, a BIG exciting thing that happened today -- dad had his LAST chemotherapy session, at least for a while. We're going to wait what the results of his tests are but we're optimistic that dad won't have to take chemo anymore. *fingers crossed*

Alright, well, I need to get myself back into my bed, lay down on my stomach and watch the rest of Brief Encounter (which I love -- so beautifully acted!). Thanks for reading and God Bless.
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Another Unpleasant Dream, Boredom, and Quizzes Galore.

Yup, I had ANOTHER dream where I was fighting against evil. It was weird, the dream was intense (not as intense as yesterday's) but I did my fair share of defending myself against this evil. I think I called on Our Blessed Mother to help me out this time but I don't really remember. I am beginning to understand my dreams and why I have particular ones. It's weird... but in a good way. :D Now, if I could just have a dream about like winning the lottery so I can pay off my EXPENSIVE tuition, that would rock. Even if it's only a dream, I'll take it! lol.

So, not much went on today. It was an overall boring day. Well... except when we couldn't find the Emma DVD I had to return to Netflix. That was FUNNY! We searched everywhere except under this one notebook I have with me... and that's EXACTLY where it was. Haha. Oh man, that was hilarious. But, then again, I'm easily amused. :D Mom decided to take a little break and explore the city. New York City, that is. :D So, we spent the evening getting ourselves lost On the Town with one of my favorite men. Oh, I should say one of OUR favorite men (mom, and I believe sis as well, give him the thumbs up as well.) I believe mom wants to go to Paris next, and then make a detour to Scotland to see if I can find the fabled Brigadoon before ending up back in Hollywood. Anchors Aweigh, my boys. ;) We'll have to figure out when we'll have time to do that. I'm hoping this weekend. I desperately need these little wonder-trips to help me unwind and get back my silliness. :D I know sis will be the only one that understand what I'm talking about. HAHA. Sorry but this is the way it has to be. :D

Alright, well, I am tuckered out -- though it was a boring day, it was a LONG boring day. I will hopefully have a better post tomorrow -- if I even have time to write. BUSY day tomorrow. :D So, before I end this blog, a few quizzes I've taken in my time of boredom.

You Belong in Dublin

Friendly and down to earth, you want to enjoy Europe without snobbery or pretensions. You're the perfect person to go wild on a pub crawl... or enjoy a quiet bike ride through the old part of town.

What European City Do You Belong In?

You Are Classical Music

You are a somewhat serious person who enjoys studying subjects deeply. Art of all kinds interests you, and a good piece of art can really effect you emotionally. You are inspired by human achievement, and you appreciate work that takes years to accomplish. For you, the finer things in life are not about snobbery - they're about quality.

What Kind of Music Are You?

Your Personality at 35,000 Says...

Deep down, you prefer spending time alone to spending time with others. You enjoy thinking more than talking. You are good with your place in the world. You are confident and comfortable with who you are. Your gift is relating to other people. You don't hide from your own emotions, and you are good at drawing other people out. You are inspired by what is possible. Real life is often too ordinary for you. It's very easy for you to feel happy. You can find peace with any situation.

The Personality Test at 35,000 Feet

OH and Liverpool play against Chelsea in like 12 hours (11:30 a.m. PST, 2:30 p.m. EST) so please keep your fingers crossed that Liverpool go onto the Champions League finals. Sad that Barcelona were kicked out by Manchester United *gag* but hey, an all English final will be awesome. :D

As usual, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Scary Dream, Catholic Podcasts, and Let the Planning Begin!

Honestly, not much went on today. I had a finance meeting (oh yeah, I'm getting into taking care of business) which went alright. I'm a bit worried about money issues because my family's been living paycheck-to-paycheck lately and I have to take care of some big expenses. Chaotic but it's good for me to start dealing with these things again because it makes me feel like I did before I got sick. YAY!

One not so good thing -- I had one of the scariest dreams this morning. I woke up saying "Ave Maria Purisima" which roughly means to "Hail Mary, the Purest" in Spanish. It's something one says, in Mexican culture at least, when you get a sense of something evil. My dream was pretty intense, I was actually fighting with the devil (which isn't the first time I've dreamt it) because he was tempting to into doing something completely immoral but my will was too strong for him. Then I felt this strong wind trying to pull me into darkest. As soon as that happened, I started naming saints to help me. I started calling "St. Teresa of Avila... St. Jude Thaddeus... St. Michael Archangel... St. Raphael Archangel..." as soon as I remembered to call on Our Blessed Mother, I woke up... and said Ave Maria Purisima. It's completely scary. Every time I've had dreams that I'm fighting against evil, I've always won... like that time my house was surrounded by darkness and I took a white stone/light in my hands and make the darkness disappear. I believe I wrote an entry about that a few months back. Still, it's scary to dream and I will definitely talk to a priest about this.

Moving onto something nicer... I've been catching up on this awesome Catholic podcast called The Hands and Feet Show. I love that the show is VERY relatable to young people -- especially us in our late teens and 20s. They aren't afraid to tackle any issues, no matter how taboo or controversial, while keeping everything faith related. I definitely recommend it to anyone who doesn't shy away from any topic. You can check them out here (http://sqpn.com/category/talkshows/hands-and-feet/) They're part of SQPN which has a slew of awesome Catholic Podcasts. Definitely recommend all of 'em -- all of Fr. Roderick's podcasts, Rosary Army, the Saint Cast, etc. And, speaking of Fr. Roderick, he's in Rome this week and he's already done a podcast there. It sounds like Rome would be my kind of place... as soon as I get over my anxiety.

We've got it all planned -- as soon as my therapist gives me the thumbs up for traveling to big, crowded cities (that I haven't been to before), I'm visiting them. :D I already have my list of cities (mostly in Europe)... and, to be honest, it's more of me checking them out because I fully intend on living out there in about a year or so. Well, in France or another country in Europe. The idea of living in France popped into my head a few weeks ago. I already understand and speak a tiny bit of French so I need to really learn the basics but otherwise, I'm intrigued. I also heard that someone that doesn't completely repulse me (which is my way of saying "you rock, you big nerd!" hahahaha!) wanted to go and live there I thought "Dude, then let's go!" We always seem to want to end up in the same place at the same time without telling each other. I'm always surprised and think he's reading my mind. If it's not being in New York at the same time (we're both kinda tired and done with NYC now), it's being somewhere else. So, now I'm going to plan -- for myself -- to move out to one of the cities on my list and I won't tell anyone until I'm there... and we'll see what happens. I'm excited though. The planning aspect is awesome. It does mean I will have to learn about 4 different languages ('cause I haven't decided where I want to go) but I'm excited! The travel bug has bitten me again. YES! lol.

Alright, well, I have pretty exhausted -- don't know why -- so it's about time I call it a day. As usual, thanks for reading and God Bless.
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Mass, A Walk to Remember, The List, and Boxes Galore.

Okay, first with awesome news. I made it through the ENTIRE Mass without leaving. Not even for a split second! YEAH!!!!! Even better... I sat closer to the altar and I sat in the middle of couples so that it would be tricker to leave. OH YEAH!! Thank you, God! I was so happy and the priest who usually hears my confessions (and knows about my anxiety) saw me and he said he was glad to have seen me. :D I am so proud of myself. Per usual, I went by myself (still working on getting my parents back). I didn't take Eucharist, though I really wanted to :(, because I didn't feel right. Though I was told what I'd done (saying the Lord's name in vain) wasn't mortal because I didn't intentionally do it, I still didn't feel right. But I did pray and ask His forgiveness for what I'd done. Either way, it was awesome and the Mass was lovely. :D

I didn't do much today because of the ridiculous weather. It was hotter than yesterday so I didn't bother going out. I did, however, watch a movie that I've loved since I first saw it. "A Walk to Remember" is awesome and I don't know why it took me years to re-watch it! Yes, it's a chick flick but it's a good one. It definitely helped me clean my tear ducts, that's for sure. Haha. This is one of those movies that never fails to make me cry -- but they're mainly happy tears. It definitely brought back some memories and I just felt completely different (in a good way) afterwards. :) It definitely inspired me to be more like the main character, Jamie Sullivan, in not caring what others think and really giving myself fully to the Lord without excuses for doing so. If you've seen the movie, you know that Jamie (who is played by Mandy Moore) has a list with everything she wants to do. She has things like being in 2 places at once, getting a tattoo, and getting married at the church where her mother grew up in and where her parents married. That got me thinking that I wanted to make a list because, really, I want some new goals to work towards. So, without further ado... THE LIST.

The LIST (In no particular order):
- Attend Mass at the Vatican.
- Make it to the top of the Eiffel Tower.
- Move to a certain Northern European country.
- Visit the places that are connected to my favorite saints.
- Be in 4 places at once (which is very possible).
- Get at least 5 books published -- in different genres.
- Learn at least 2 more languages, and speak them fluently.
- Learn how to drive -- on both the right and left sides of the road.
- Backpack through Europe before I have children.
- Buy my parents a big house in a certain city.

There's more but those are the only ones I can share that aren't too detailed. I won't say what my top 3 are (hint: they're not written on this blog. :D) so don't even try to get them out of me.

So, while I had fun making my list (and plotting how to get future husband to go along with my plans... that Nerd... lol), my dad had the task of going through all the boxes that were packed up during the move. Since we're FINALLY all settled in now, it's time to go through the boxes. Well, dad and mom do 'cause I'm solid. I didn't really pack 'cause I didn't have much stuff to put into boxes. :D Since we're starting new, they (moreso my dad than mom) have to go through everything and say what they do and don't want in the house. It'll probably take them a while but it'll be nice to have things that aren't needed out of the house. :D The only reason I can't help is because I'd tell them to throw everything out (I'm a minimalist) and that wouldn't sit well with dad. lol. Oh well. :D

Alright, so... I'm so sorry to make this entry short but I've got a busy day tomorrow and it started very early. I'm not complaining though, I'm going to enjoy what it planned (I hope ;D). 'Til next time... thanks for reading and God Bless.
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Go Galaxy!, Hot Weather, and Mortal Sin?!

I just watched one of the best L.A. Galaxy games I've seen. It was SO thrilling up until the last second. Thank goodness Galaxy won! They beat Chivas USA 5-2 after being neck-in-neck for about 3/4 of the game. Landon Donovan scores a hat trick and my man Alan Gordon (LOVE him) scored two when he came on as a sub... and almost scored a third. GREAT game! Since both teams are from L.A. they rivalry was intense but in a good way. I'm a Galaxy girl and was before Becks was signed so I didn't jump on the bandwagon. I've been rooting for them since they began, mainly because it's the home team but later on because I became a fan of the players. Needless to say, dad and I (who are fans of Becks and Donovan) are happy campers. AND since Gordon scored two goals, I'm even happier! :D

One thing that didn't make me happy today... the weather. My goodness! It was 94 degrees at around 3 p.m. I was glad that by the time confessions rolled around, it was cooling down. Granted, I live about 2-3 minutes (by car) from the parish but still the weather is horrid. When we were watching the Galaxy v Chivas USA match, the commentators mentioned that it was still very warm in that part of the city... and you could tell by all the water breaks the players had. Oh, and the game started at 7:30 p.m. so you can just imagine. It's currently 10:25 p.m. and we still have the air conditioning on. Oy! I am definitely going to Mass as early as I can tomorrow because it's supposed to get even hotter tomorrow. It'll be close to 100 degrees. Ugh. I cannot wait 'til future husband and I move away from this hot weather... if I can persuade him. lol.

Okay, so I wrote the title (as I usually do) before I wrote the entry so the last part doesn't quite fit... but I am keeping it for future reference. I was unsure if something I'd done was considered a mortal sin. See, I said something along the lines of "My Holy God... these guys..." (actually I said it in Spanish, "Dios Mio Santo con estos muchachos...") without thinking. It happened during the Galaxy game. I got so wrapped up in it that I didn't realize I'd said His name in vain until after I'd said it. I was really good about not saying His name but I just got caught up in the game and it happened. Since I didn't intentionally say it, I was told that it wasn't a mortal sin... especially since I'm sorry I said it. Trust me, I'm ALWAYS sorry when I say His name in vain... and 99.9% of the time I say it without thinking and it takes me a second or two to realize what I'd just said. *palmface* Well, since I was told that it isn't a mortal sin (because I didn't say it intentionally), I guess I can receive communion tomorrow. Thank goodness! If anyone who reads this knows otherwise, please let me know. I don't like committing mortal sins. No, I take that back. I don't like committing sins, period! Not even venial ones!

Alright, well, super early day tomorrow so I should get to bed like now. lol. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Dream about the End of the World

I just woke up a little while ago and I decided to write about this dream because I've been having a bunch of really interesting ones and this one has topped most of them.

I had a dream that the end of the world happened. But before that, I was involved with a love triangle. I was in love with a blond guy, whom a certain brown-eyed blond was also in love with. So the dream was her doing all in her power to get him and me just being shy and waiting for him to make his decision. In the end, things were looking up for us and then it was the end of the world. I suddenly saw myself up on a mountain/hill (can't remember whether it was high enough to be considered a mountain) and everything around was a soft red color (almost bordering on a light reddish pink). I started smelling a sweet strawberry-floral scent and I was confused for a second. Then we (my mom, who was at my side) saw people going up the mountain/hill and we decided to follow them... and that's when I knew what was going on. There were people around us -- I remember two young men in particular -- who kept saying that they didn't smell anything or see anything. That's when I realized that those going up to heaven where the only ones who could see and smell what we did. So, we started going up the hill (through what I realized was purgatory) and we were met by my paternal grandmother (who died in 2005, and whom I terribly miss) and my father (don't know where he was but he arrived to meet my grandmother -- his mother -- at the same time as us). So then I told my grandmother to go up with us; my dad also encouraging her to go up with us. She said something of the lines of "of course" and I don't remember if she said she was waiting for us, but I do remember that I had the feeling that she'd stayed behind in purgatory because she was waiting for us to get there so all 4 of us could go up to heaven together. So, my mom linked her arm with mine, I linked my right arm with my grandmother and my grandmother with my father and the four of us walked up to heaven together. Oh our way up, we passed a bishop, and other people, who kept asking what we were doing and why he couldn't see anything we could. That's when I realized that he was being left behind because he'd been corrupt and I immediately felt horrible for him. I was also VERY surprised that I was going to heaven because I've always felt that I was unworthy... and was even more surprised because my parents haven't gone to Mass regularly, or gone to confessions, and was thinking "How did they end up coming up to Heaven with those mortal sins?" (In real life, I should add, I'm trying to get them back to the church -- which I've made my mission).

As soon as we got in Heaven, we were separated according to what our mission was here on earth or what our job was. I was sent to one of the last lines where all the young people who were in the entertainment business (actors, musicians, and especially writers) were. There I saw a lot of people I'd recognized but haven't/hadn't met them in real life. There were a lot of 20-somethings, teens and little kids in the line. I remember the line was in between two aisles of books (looked almost like a library) in that area and getting out a tiny rose colored book of St. Teresa (though I don't remember if it was Avila or of Lisieux). I remember saying I wanted to see St. Teresa because I knew she was in Heaven and had a deep feeling that I wanted to finally meet her. Then I saw the certain blond guy I was in love with sitting at a table with a little blond girl named Lily (which is what I want to name my daughter). I don't know who she was but I had a feeling they were related. So then I heard someone, who was in charge of keeping everyone in line while we waited to fully go in, tell me that a big reason why I'd been sent to heaven without hesitation was because I'd been loved by someone (him) so deeply and honestly and that his love had won me a spot in Heaven. I wanted to be with him but I knew that he would wait longer to get in line even though he would've been in the same one.

So then came inspection to make sure that we were pure enough to go fully in. So they asked if I'd eaten seafood and I told them I'd had some crab a few weeks ago (which, in real life I actually did... and it was good! lol) and at first they were unsure if that would cause problems with the tests but then gave me the go ahead. While I was waiting for my folder to be pulled up (everyone had a file/folder that kept details of everything they'd done when alive), I glanced over to my sweetheart and the person behind the desk saw me and yelled at him to come over. He got up, with Lily, and started walking over just as I was ready to go into the final inspection room (where I was going to get all white clothing). That's when I woke up because my stomach growled and I was hungry.

Talk about an amazing dream! I've had dreams about talking to Pope John Paul II, various priests I don't know in real life, Jesus Christ himself, other saints, etc. Sometimes I wonder why I have these dreams. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind them at all! They are wonderful and often make me realize things I'm having problems with. I wonder if this dream is a sign of what I'm supposed to do -- since I've been so torn about what I should do. I mean, in the dream I was in the line where the young writers were... I was in love with someone who was so humble and selfless who loved me (maybe I'm meant to get married)... my parents had gone up to heaven and I'm starting to that that is another one of my goals in life -- to get them back to the church, just like I've wanted to do. I know we shouldn't read into dreams but it's so hard when I've had such an amazing dream. Never, in a million years, would I have guessed that something like this would've happened to me. It's amazing.

Alright, well, I think this might be today's post. lol. I am taking it easy for the rest of the day (and hopefully sleeping a bit because I am so tired) and don't anticipate doing much. If I do, I might save it up for a post tomorrow -- if I can write one, that is. :D

Okay, we'll I've taken far too much of your time already. Thanks for reading and God Bless.
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Anxiety, Catholic Athletes for Christ, and Fr. Roderick and Facebook

Wow, what a crummy day. My anxiety was pretty high today; no doubt because of an unpleasant message I received yesterday. I tell ya, when it rains in a bummer-fest, it pours! I've been dealing with a lot of stress and just unpleasantness that's just elevated my anxiety. I'd been panic attack-free for a few weeks and then it went sky high on Tuesday with yesterday seeing another little bump. Luckily, my little sister (who's not so little -- she's 18!) knows just what to do and say to cheer me up! Thank goodness for little sisters, especially the one I have! I am so spoiling her for her birthday -- but I won't say how because she might read this and try to prevent me from doing it. lol.

One very cool thing I had a chance to check out was this website called Catholic Athletes for Christ. Being pretty athletic myself, I think the website and organization is a GREAT idea! I love how athletes from different sports (football, hockey, soccer, etc) have all joined together and have been vocal about the fact that they are Catholic and that they do what they do for God. These are the type of athletes kids should be looking up to! I was pleasantly surprised to see Eddie Gaven as one of the speakers 'cause I am all for soccer players speaking out for their faith. Eddie plays for the U.S. Men's National (soccer) Team as well as the Columbus Crew (and MLS team). He's also around my age, which is awesome because I don't know many young soccer stars who are willing to come forth with even a hint as to what their religion or views of faith are. I definitely recommend y'all to go check out the site here. I've also added the link on the right side column under "Favorite Catholic Sites" in case you ever need the link again.

Funny thing, I found out about this website by listening to Fr. Roderick's latest episode of the Daily Breakfast. Those who've read this blog long enough know how much I love his podcasts. Well, today someone mentioned the website on the feedback portion of the episode, I thought I'd check it out and I am glad I did. I was also glad to hear that I wasn't the only one unhappy with the new chat feature on Facebook. Fr. Roderick mention how the applications on the site have gotten overwhelming and just plain annoying... and I couldn't agree more. I remember back in early '05 when my school had just been added to the list of universities that were able to get an account on the site and how simple and well organized. I miss those days. I can't imagine how crazy his facebook profile can get in a matter of hours -- all the messages and applications invites. *shudders* There's a reason why I refuse to get a myspace and why I've deleted facebook before. I can't wait to hear what other people's reactions will be about the chat feature. Fr. Roderick asked us to leave back voice feedback about the topic. If anyone wants to hear the episode, click here or simply go to the "SQPN - Catholic Podcasts" link on the right hand side and look for the Daily Breakfast episode where "Facebook Fatigue" is mentioned.

Alright, well, I have yet to catch up on my missed sleep (been tired ALL day) and still have a ton of things to do so I should stop writing soon. lol. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Pope Benedict XVI, Religious Sister or Mother?, Relationships, and Roadtrip - Part Deux.

First off, SO sorry I haven't blogged as often -- once again. I've been so busy with multiple things, I lose track of time very easily. I will try my hardest to update more frequently, especially now that I'm seriously going to buckle down and work hard on finishing my novel.

Pope Benedict XVI was here all of last week. Sadly, I once got to watch a clip from when he arrived and nothing more during the week. I was, however, lucky enough to watch the Mass he did at Yankee Stadium live thanks to EWTN. I will admit that I shed many tears (happy tears) during the Mass. I loved that a Mexican man (reporters could tell by the accent/dialect) yelled "Viva el Papa!" (which means "long live the Pope" in Spanish) and everyone yelled "Viva!" The expression of Pope Benedict's face was priceless. He was very surprised and you could tell he felt the love of the crowd. When he spoke out about protecting babies -- those not yet born and those born -- the crowd yelled very loudly, as did I from my bedroom. lol. He also encouraging young people to consider religious vocations. It definitely made me think and seriously consider it. One of the things that personally touched me the most was when he spoke in Spanish and gave us Hispanics and Latin people blessings. (side note: He spoke to President Bush about stopping all the discrimination against immigrants, which pretty much won all the hearts of us living in the U.S. -- born here, like myself, and those who come here for a better life). After all said and done... WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MASS!!! Everything that was said and done was just beautiful. Someone who actually attended said the experience was indescribable. I bet! I also got to see when Pope Benedict went to Ground Zero for a prayer to meet survivors and family of victims. It was heartbreaking, especially to see an officer (or perhaps he was a fireman), who met the Pope, with a limp because I believe he has a prosthetic leg. At the same time, it was full of hope because, while it is unbelievable terrifying what happened at 9/11 (and I still remember where I was and how I felt when I found out what had happened that morning), there is still hope that human beings will learn from these terrible events and try to prevent it from happening anywhere. I also cried when I watched Pope Benedict leave back to Rome from JFK. Thank goodness EWTN was broadcasting all of it live because it made me feel like I was there. I'm so sad that our beloved Papa has left, and I really felt like I was saying goodbye to a dear friend when I saw him board the plane, but my heart is filled with hope, joy and love because he was here and he was simply amazing and inspiring. I hope to get to see him in person some day -- even if it means that I have to go to the Vatican and stand out when he greets people from his window. I loved our Papa before but this visit just increased the love and admiration I have for him and my faith. :)

One thing that I've already mentioned, his homily really made me think... especially about considering becoming a religious Sister. I've done a lot of soul searching lately and I'm honestly torn between getting married and becoming a sister. I don't think I have what it takes to be a nun, especially a cloistered nun, but I would love to be a Sister and teach Religious Studies if that's what God has in-store for me. I would also LOVE to be a wife and mother and bring at least one child into this world. I think that there is nothing more beautiful, and more joyous, than being a mother. The Blessed Virgin Mary has definitely been present in my life recently -- popping into my mind at random times and also praying for her intercession -- and she's really made me want to become a mother. That's a big surprise to friends who've known me for years because I used to say that I didn't want children and that childbirth was the scariest thing I could think of. It's a complete 180 from how I was before. :D It just goes to show how much a person can change in a matter of months.

I usually don't mention my personal life but for the purposes of this post I will mention a bit. This morning I was watching the European Journal on KOCE (PBS station) and they said that 70% of women living in Spain get physically beaten by their husbands and boyfriends. That is SHOCKING!!! I mean, I understand that there's a machismo image that Hispanic men have but I had no idea there was that much violence. I'm disgusted by it -- especially because I'm of Spanish heritage. I've been lucky enough to not experience that but I am sadden for those Spanish women, and women world wide, who have. It makes me want to do something about it -- to protect these women and their children. My heart goes out to them.

On a more positive side of relationships: Lately I've really grown from experiences regarding love and relationships. Since my novel is based on real life experiences, I've been revisiting some old memories -- many of which have been about a very special guy in my life. He gave me a reason to smile when I first got sick and he still makes me smile because he's a big dork. lol. Just like he did then, he's been giving me hope that I will get better and beat what I'm going through -- and he doesn't even know because I refuse to ever let him know that. Haha. One of the biggest things he's given me hope for -- I've started to believe that I will find the person I've meant to be with, if that's in God's plans for me. Just the fact that I have someone like him to unintentionally inspire me to not give up on so many things, including love, is amazing. I really hope that everyone has someone like that in their life... just make sure that they never take you up the roof, while you're in heels, at night just to slow dance with you -- especially if you're afraid of heights. It's romantic and psychotic at the same time. Haha. Yeah... that's a GREAT image that's completely stuck in my head. You'll read about it in my novel. lol.

So, besides all of that, I went on a little roadtrip yesterday -- which was the roadtrip from the place down under (and I don't mean Australia). It was absolutely horrible and I'm so stressed out from it. I seriously just want to sleep and listen to music for days. lol. I am ignoring any and all emails and messages that will stress me out (which I've already received, ugh) because I just spent a really long time with screaming children (which I didn't really mind because the little baby was sick and there was nothing that could make him feel better) and just chaos. To top it off, an own goal at Anfield (Liverpool FC's stadium) has made it difficult for them to go onto the semi-finals. Well, I still have hope. :D Yesterday was the WORST day, I've had in quite some time. But, as I've said, all I need is sleep and relaxation, which I will get during our movie marathon tonight! YAY! lol. Oh and I should note that two of my older brothers stopped by for a few minutes last night which was a happier ending to my horrific day. :D

Alright, well, I have to go get ready for when my dad comes home -- which he just did the second I started writing this. Haha. WEIRD! Now that he's home, I have to make sure he's alright because he's in his last 2 weeks of chemo and the side effects have gotten worse lately. Hopefully more entries will be written before the end of the week. I will definitely try. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

P.S. Don't forget to watch the Dove Awards on GMC (Gospel Music Channel) tonight!!! :D.
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Dove Awards

Just a quick reminder that the Dove Awards are coming in a few days. I'm doing promotion for them -- and the artists nominated -- so I am including a banner that you can click to find out more about them and their music. I'll also add it to the side in case this post gets buried underneath more posts.

Vacation, Mass, Dreams, Pope Benedict XVI, and Prince Caspian.

I really don't know where to start... so much has been going on since the day I decided to go on vacation. Well, I should start by saying that I was VERY surprised when I saw the massive merit scholarship I was given. I was going back and forth between two schools but this scholarship has pushed me towards accepting admission to one of the schools. I am SO excited and have yet to celebrate it. I definitely feel blessed and like this was a sign from God that this is the school I'm supposed to be attending. I also feel like a prayer to St. Jude a year and a half ago was answered as well, in the form of this scholarship. I tell ya, prayer works! :D What a way to start my vacation, eh?

Speaking of my vacation... I had a little too much fun. I'm actually back for a bit but do plan on going back on going back as soon as I get another opportunity. I was filled with so much happiness and love during those few days, it really made me forget all the illnesses and stress I've gone through lately. I had a LOT of fun. I got reacquainted with several aspects of my personality that I missed. I was so happy about that. :D Most of those days were either spent lazying around or going out. I've actually gotten out more than usual, which I am so grateful for because I believe I was developing cabin fever. lol. I definitely recommend taking a mini weekend vacation if you've been overly stressed out because it can do wonders for you! I very reluctantly came back. lol. I honestly felt like I could stay on my vacation (which, by the way, was here in my own home and hometown -- Miss CNW style ;)) until the summer was over but I have too much to do. Oh well. It was fun while it lasted. :D

One thing I got to do on vacation was go to Mass... at a new church... sitting in the first front rows... BY MYSELF! Yes, you read that right! Thank God, I was able to sit through the entire Mass without leaving. He definitely helped give me the courage to do so. I did actually get a little urge to leave for a few minutes when I thought I couldn't breathe (anxiety symptom) but I held the Miraculous Medal in my right hand and looked up at the Cross during Mass and asked God and the Blessed Virgin Mary to please give me the strength needed to make it through. And I did! Thank YOU to both of them! And, I should thank the priest who made the Mass fun with his tasteful jokes. So, thank you, too, Fr. Alexander!

Maybe all the positive feelings I've been experiencing have caused me to take my faith A LOT more seriously than before (and I was already pretty serious). I understand what my little sister says about being so full of love for the Lord. I finally get it. I had a dream last night where my spirit was literally lifted up so high that I was able to embrace Christ for a brief second before coming back down to earth. It's been one of my the most beautiful/wonderful dreams I've had... especially lately. No words can describe how amazing it was. This is the second dream in less than 2 weeks where I've seen and come in contact with him. Hopefully this means I'm doing something right and that I'm doing just what He'd like. I don't feel like I'm quite where I should be, and I still have a lot to do for Him, but I think I've finally found the right balance to achieve these things. :D

Oh, and before I forget, I am SO excited that Pope Benedict XVI is in the U.S. I watched a video clip of when he was greeted at the airport and I have to admit that I shed a couple of happy tears when I watched him come out of "Shepherd One" (as the plane is being called). Hopefully I'll be able to watch things about his visit here through EWTN and Catholic TV.

One more thing before I end this blog... raise your hand if you're excited about the Prince Caspian movie premiere in a month! *raises both hands* Haha. I watched the BBC version of "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" when I was growing up, and that started my love of the series, so I can't wait to watch PC. As long as I get to watch the film and hopefully get inspired by it, that's all I ask for. And, all this reminds me that I should probably re-read the book before I watch the film. I haven't read it in over a year. Okay, I better go finish St. Teresa of Avila's autobiography before I do! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.

The Video Says It All

This video explains it all:



Lyrics:

Here I go ‘round and ‘round again
Venti Chai, you’re my closest friend
Lack of sleep is what I do
Starbucks will rescue me again

Work, more work, and somewhere to be
Skip the talk, can’t you just text me
I’m goin’, slow down, I’m on it
I’m going crazy

‘Cause when it’s work all day
I cannot escape
I just stop to think, and I’m going crazy
Take a break, hey
Sometimes you got to
Be still and breathe, baby
Here we go, better believe we can up and leave

Take some time and kickback
I’m on chill and relax
Work can wait, yeah, time to play, yeah
I’m away on holiday
Take my time and kickback
I’m on chill and relax
Rock the beat, yeah, time to play, yeah
I’m away on holiday

Is this boy the one?
Are we meant to be?
What to wear?
Got to look pretty
Maybe I should go solo
Forget it, I’m ready to go where there’s no
No more drama to mess up my flow
No more questions to answer, no
Pack my bags ya’ll, I’m outtie
Flight leaves gate 17

Rock, rock the beat, rock, rock the beat
Rock, rock the beat, rock, rock the beat

No lap top bringing
Or cell phone ringing
You know the feeling
When hits you are singing
I’ll kick back and enjoy the sun on my face
The time of my life baby, it’s time to play
If you’re ready for a holiday, holiday
Rock the beat, hands in the air
If you’re ready for a holiday, holiday
Rock the beat, rock the beat, yeah

------

That's right. I'm taking mini-vacation this weekend. Hopefully I will have entries to write about when I'm back. In the meantime, hope everyone has a great weekend. God Bless. :D
.

Anorther quick update.

Sorry the gaps have started again. I've been busy packing, unpacking, catching up with old friends, traveling (including a mini roadtrip I took today with one of my favorite men -- and it made me appreciate him SO MUCH more because of everything he did for me today) and working on my novel. In other words: I wish there were more hours in the day.

The good news is that I have been feeling slightly better and I hope it continues. I've been able to keep the dreaded Writer's Block at bay (whoo!). Britt Nicole's album has become the soundtrack to my novel... unexpectedly. I'm also on a Jane Austen kick to re-awaken my inner Janeite and it's been helping me with my novel. (Side note: I usually like Austen inspired films but wasn't too happy with the 1999 version of Manfield Park. *shrugs*)

I've found myself saying the Rosary in public more and more often, mainly because it relaxes me and I've been in pretty stressful situations so that's why I've been doing it. Hopefully other fellow Catholics will say the Rosary more often, which is why I don't mind when people stare at me when I'm praying.

Oh, and hey, Liverpool FC beat Arsenal and are onto the semi-finals of the Champions League... just like last year (only they beat Barcelona last year)! I actually missed the game because I wasn't home during it, and actually got home pretty late so I didn't get a chance to even watch a re-run. Oh well, I am proud of my Red men for achieving yet another semi in the CL. The games against Chelsea will be good, and I will be praying that we go all the way to the finals. :D

And that is all for now. I've been up since earlier than I've gotten in a while and all that sitting in the car for hours has worn me out. I won't even mention the traffic. lol.

Hopefully I'll have a good, long post soon... if things slow down long enough for me to be able to, that is.

Alright, well... as always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Fumigation (Quick Update)

This whole fumigation thing came at a really bad time. I had absolutely no control on when I would sick and hey, it picked today... the day when we have to be out of our houses until 5 p.m. because they're doing this thing. Bah! Today of all days... the day I needed to in bed because I need it. Life's funny that way, eh?

Well, this blog is really a quick reminder (to myself) to write about the Pope JPII dream I had this morning (before I was rudely interrupted, lol). It was awesome and it makes me wonder whether the dream will have any major significance to my health/healing process or if it's just merely wishful thinking on my part. I shall explore this better once I can get back home. :D

Thanks for reading and God Bless.

Excitement!, Christian Music, Rock the Cradle, and Football (Soccer) Season.

I received very exciting news today... I got re-accepted to the only college I applied to for transfer. I originally got accepted last Fall to enter this past January but illness kept me out so I had to re-apply to get re-accepted. I had a bunch of problems this time around -- most likely because there are so many applicants to enter in the Fall. I submitted all my transcripts and other things almost 2 months ago (would've been 2 months in 2 days) but they had problems getting it into the system and didn't get a decision up until early today (it's still Thursday here). I actually got a call from my new counselor to tell me the news because I'd been bugging me about my admission status for a while now. Haha. Well, I am relieved that I will have a place to continue my Religious Studies education. I'm so happy that I'll be able to focus on Catholicism and take courses such as "Spiritual Journey of Women." It just feels like I'm going in the right direction and I am sure it'll help me further along with my writing. And, speaking of writing, I'll also be studying Creative Writing (which is my minor) so I'm lucky that I can study what I truly love. :D I am already thinking about my senior thesis, although it's 2 years until I get there but I have an idea of what I want my thesis to be about. Hint, it involves St. Teresa of Avila, St. John of the Cross and St. Augustine amongst other saints.

I will also be able to take music courses if I like. I love music. Plain as that. I've loved music since I was a baby. In fact, I carried around a toy guitar because I wanted a real one but was too little for it. I've explored almost every genre known to man but I've felt more connected to classical and jazz. I came into those on my own, without anyone introducing me to those genres. Lately I've been exploring a bit of Christian music, which I've felt a bit uncomfortable with before. I don't know why I just couldn't really get into it before. Then came along Mute Math and Britt Nicole and I've been slowly exploring other artists. I don't know why I was hesitant to give it a try before. I still don't like all the artists I come across but that's natural in every genre. I don't love all jazz artists though I do a majority of it. I can't sit through some classical songs. I've re-discovered some artists which I didn't know where Christian in the first place and I am digging it. lol. If anyone has other artist they'd like to recommend, please leave me a comment with the names.

And, speaking a bit more about music... I just watched the first episode of MTV's "Rock the Cradle." Now, I don't like MTV because we all know what kinds of shows are on there and how some of them are just... *shudders*. I tuned it mainly because I was curious to see the offspring of different artists perform. I was impressed with some... not so much with others. I LOVED Lucy Walsh and Crosby Loggins. Lucy deserved her score but I felt Crosby should've taken the top spot. I loved his voice and thought the Elvis Costello song was a great choice for him. If either don't win this thing, I won't be a happy camper. If I tune to that *shudders* channel again, it'll only be to watch an episode of this show and once it's over, good luck trying to get me to watch it again.

One more thing for I end this entry (it's past midnight and I still have a few things to do before I fall asleep)... I am SO happy that the MLS Season has finally started. Last week was the first week of this season and poor L.A. Galaxy crashed and burned. To be fair, Landon Donovan and Becks hadn't had much time to rest from international duty so it was understandable why they didn't do too well. The rest of the team... they lacked hustel. Carlos Ruiz did well but ended up getting injured when that idiot took him down (he's now out for 4-6 weeks). Last night's game... SO MUCH better. It was the Galaxy that I missed seeing. We totally deserved to win this game and am happy Becks and Landon got their goals. In this house, there's only 2 Galaxy players we honestly root for -- Becks and Landon. I also like Gordon and Klein but Becks and Landon are the only ones dad and I agree on.

It's the same with Liverpool -- we can only agree on two players: Gerrard and Torres. Dad's a Crouch fan, I'm a massive Agger fan. We both think Babel's good but sometimes we aren't too sure about him. Give us the rest of this season to make our decision. And, speaking of my Red men... I am so glad they got that away goal at Arsenal during the first leg of the Champions League quarterfinals. I am hoping and will definitely pray that they advance to the semi's and final. If there's one competition I look forward to the most at the beginning of this season, it's the Champions League. The Premier League's great too but the CL is my favorite because you get the top teams of other European leagues as well. Does anyone know the patron saint of sports or athletes? I've always wanted to know but haven't quite figured out.

Alright, well, it's nearly half past midnight and need to read a couple of pages in St. Teresa's autobiography among other things. I have a pretty early day today so, I need to get to bed as soon as I possibly can.

Thanks for reading and God Bless!

Rosary in the E.R., Panic in Mass, Novel, and The Miracle of Our Lady of Fatima.

Where to begin? So much has gone on since the last blog (hence the long gap between blogs) that I don't even know where to begin. I guess I should start with more recent things and work my way back a bit.

Yesterday, on one of my favorite unofficial holidays (April Fool's), I was taken to the E.R. because they wouldn't see me at my regular doctor's. It was so dumb! They said I had to go to the emergency room because I couldn't breathe and haven't been able to for about a week. I have a feeling it's allergies but they didn't want to take a chance. So I was there for 13 hours (from 3 p.m. until 4:15 a.m. the next day) for them to tell me it is anxiety attack. Okay, so... if it's an anxiety attack, why do I have it 24/7 (yes, all day, all the time)? Why is my nose a bit stuffy? Why am I a bit fatigued? Why do I feel like I'm going to cough? Obviously, the allergy symptoms must mean I have been having a week long anxiety attack. (And, I must apologize for that bit of sarcasm). I'm just really upset that they made me wait for that long, and they didn't even check me properly. They did two EKGs and chest x-rays to make sure it wasn't a heart attack. I mentioned to the doctor that I thought it was allergies and wanted a test and he basically ignored me and said it was all anxiety. Ugh. That is one thing I will always worry about -- doctors using my anxiety as a cop-out to not properly check me. That's what they have been doing lately, too. That's why my therapist is going to talk to my doctor, to get me tested for different things including allergies, so they can honestly rule those things out and say that it is anxiety. It's totally horrible to feel like everyone thinks you're making things up in your mind once they find out you have anxiety. It's absolutely frustrating. I cursed a bit while in the E.R. (words that have been foreign from my vocabulary somehow found their way out of my mouth), I unintentionally said God's name in vain and I just felt horrible that those things had come out of my mouth. Ugh. I pray to God that if I ever have to go back to that hospital, that I am seen by someone else and get through quicker because the entire experience sucked.

Another thing that upset me -- they gave me a pregnancy test (without me knowing it) even after I'd repeatedly said that there was absolutely no way I could be pregnant. Did they think I was just saying that to be funny? I thought they'd given me the test to see if everything was alright elsewhere and when the doctor said "Well, your pregnancy test came back negative" I was just really ticked off. I even said (pretty bluntly) that there was no way someone who is waiting until marriage (and isn't married) to be pregnant. I was absolutely not happy with how I was treated. This is something I will be talking about in therapy because I still have some issues with everything.

One thing I managed to do, though not too well, was pray and say the rosary in the E.R. waiting room. I was interrupted a couple of times but I tried super hard to concentrate on the Glorious Mysteries and I think I did fairly well considering where I was and what was going on around me. I also owe a big part of keeping somewhat sane in those wee hours of the day to Our Lady of Guadalupe who I prayed to for help because I had started to feel shaky and just horrible. Lack of sleep and lack of food is a dangerous combination for me... especially the lack of food part because I need to eat every couple of hours. I totally thought of St. Jude, St. Dymphna and St. Teresa of Avila while I was there. It really helped me not focus on the really bad things that were happening around me.

Oh man... I just got a pain in my lower right side of my stomach. I actually started getting these stabbing pains in this particular spot yesterday at the E.R. and they come and go at the most random times... like now. It feels like a small knife, or something sharp, is poking you every couple of seconds... it's so horrible. Okay, well... sorry for that little interlude, sometimes I just write as I think.

So, before all of that E.R. madness (the day before, actually) I had some issues with going to Mass. See, every weekend is completely weird because I never know how I will be in terms of anxiety. Easter weekend was amazing because not only was I able to make it through the entire mass, but Fr. Leo congratulated me for making it through the Mass. It was a real feat for me to do it. Last weekend, we had to look for another parish because my parents wanted to go shopping (that is something I will write about in an upcoming blog) and apparently my English Mass was getting in the way of it. So I said, fine, I'd find a parish that offered English Mass closer to where they wanted to go shopping (after me getting really upset about that whole deal). On our way to the parish, I got a massive panic attack. I couldn't breathe because I was stuffed up and then I just felt like I was going to completely stop breathing. (Side note: I've gone through enough panic attacks to distinguish them from other things... which is why I am set that I currently have allergies.) So that prevented me from attending Mass and I was just completely bummed out for the rest of the day. I hate missing Mass because a) it's a mortal sin -- and I know I'm excused because I'm sick but still and b) because I feel like I'm being extremely disrespectful towards God, Jesus, Our Mother (Mary), and everyone else. I am hoping that I will be able to make it through Mass this Sunday... and I can't wait for confessions on Saturday because I feel absolutely horrible having sins hanging over me. I'd been very good about not committing any and then all this crummy stuff happened and there goes my hard work. :(

Okay, no longer dwelling on the bad...

My novel is going a lot better than I expected. It's taken a different (better!) direction and I'm so excited. Hopefully I'll be able to keep the creativity flowing while I can because you never know when the dreaded writer's block will hit. I will say that writing about a member of the opposite sex is quite hard. Though I have 4 older brothers, I didn't grow up with them so I have no idea what it is to live with a young man. I hang out with my guy friends more than I do with my girl friends but each guy is different and I still don't get half of the things they do or what makes them say certain things. I am basing the male lead in the novel on a real life person but I'm making the character quite a bit different than the real life person. The dialog will probably be the hardest thing because I don't want to make him sound too robotic or too "girly" (as a guy friend once called a character I'd written when I was in my teens). The fun challenges of writing a book. :D

Another fun thing... watching The Miracle of Our Lady of Fatima on DVD. I'd had it for a bit at home and I finally watched it a few nights ago. I actually liked it, as did my mom. I read that Sr. Lucia (who saw the apparitions of Our Lady with her cousins) didn't like the film but that's understandable. A fictional character (Hugo) was added. The time line didn't follow the real life one (I believe Sr. Lucia had done her first communion years before the apparitions started and in the film, it happened after the first apparition). Lucia's mother in the DVD was reportedly much nicer than the real life mother, and she didn't believe in the apparitions while the movie one did at the end. It was little things like that that didn't make the film a 100% accurate account but I can't help but still like the film. I thought the actors did a great job. If you're not the kind of person to be bothered with differences, I'd recommend you watch it.

Alright, well it's almost half past midnight and I have an early day later so I should end the blog for now. Hopefully I can write more often this month. :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D