My Benedictine Journey: From the Beginning to the GoFundMe Fundraiser

This past Saturday I opened up a GoFundMe account to help raise the Oblate novitiate trip funds. I exhausted all other options and had a number of people suggest fundraising the trip that way so I thought, "Why not?" Before I opened it, though, I did the Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati novena in honor of his birthday. It ended on Friday and I opened up the account on his birthday, Saturday the 6th. I prayed, "If it's God's will for me and if it will enrich my spiritual life, please intercede and help me raise the funds."

I was at peace when I opened the account. "Even if I only get $300, it'll be a big help," I kept telling myself. Counting what I have in savings, I thought I'd need roughly $800 more, which was the goal I set. GoFundMe suggested I ask for $1,000 but I didn't want to take advantage of others' generosities. I knew $800 would be what I needed. Yes, GoFundMe took a small chunk out of the donations (yes, they charge you a percentage so I won't get the full $800) but I didn't want to be greedy. Never in my wildest dreams did I think those $800 would be raised in only 11 hours! I thought it was going to take a couple of weeks, to be honest. I even took this screenshot when I got home (after getting an email that the trip was funded) to preserve that memory.

I remain speechless and incredibly grateful to everyone who donated and prayed for me. I had complete strangers donate... something I'm still trying to wrap my head around. I teared up... and I still want to tear up as I write this.

Some of the kind people who donated don't know my Benedictine Oblate journey (or me, at all) so I thought I'd share it. I'll try to keep it short and sweet because y'all know I have a tendency to write a little too much. lol. The longer version of the explanation on how I settled on the Benedictines can be read here: Becoming Benedictine.

As I wrote on the GoFundMe (side note: I keep typing "GodFundMe," lol) page, this journey began 4-5 years ago. I had initially been attracted to the Dominicans and the Carmelites. My (then) spiritual director thought the Dominicans would be a good fit for my academically-inclined nature but, as the time went on, he encouraged me to reconsider the Benedictines; he saw what I didn't -- that they were going to be the perfect fit for me. As advised, I waited until I finished school to really discern joining a third order as a laywoman since I have no religious vocation (*le sigh*). 

When I heard about the earthquake in Norcia in late 2016, something stirred up in me. I still can't explain it but it felt very personal to me -- like it had deeply affected me even though I didn't have any ties to them. So, when I put my novels up for sale that winter, I donated all my royalties (and a little more from me) to their efforts to rebuild their lives in Norcia. I felt like my heart belonged to that little town, not knowing that, 2 years later I would reach out to them about possibly becoming an Oblate attached to their monastery.

During Lent 2018, after reading the Rule of St. Benedict and The Benedict Option by Rod Dreher, I dug deeper into learning as much as I could about the Benedictine spirituality. The more I learned,  the more at home I felt. Then I had an American Benedictine Oblate reach out to me about helping her connect with a Spanish author; an Oblate attached to Norcia. I took it as a sign to move forward with it -- starting my Oblate journey.

I began sending inquiries to monasteries that accepted distance oblates since the Benedictine monastery in the L.A. Archdiocese was not the right fit for me. I reached out to the Monks of Norcia and the ones at Clear Creek Abbey in Oklahoma. I heard from Clear Creek first (and more often) but there were too many obstacles over several months that made it clear that it wouldn't work out.

I had to wait to hear from Norcia but it was well worth it in the end. I would go several weeks and/or months between emails but I never gave up hope. I had already implemented part of what is required of an Oblate into my daily life (e.g. Divine Office, Lectio Divina, etc.). While I got impatient at times, I still trusted that God would help guide me. If He was making me wait, it was for a reason. Perhaps I needed to be 100% sure that this is what I wanted. Maybe I needed to work on my patience. Perhaps I needed to make the changes necessary to prove to myself that I could handle what is asked of an Oblate. 

Then I received the news that I would be able to begin my novitiate over the summer and I was overjoyed! Then I was a little worried, "How am I going to pay for this trip?" I asked around and no one had any other suggestions except to create a GoFundMe account. I waited until the end of the Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati novena to make it and, well, we know the results from it! I even laughed (with tears in my eyes) and said, "Bl. Pier Giorgio, aren't I supposed to give you a gift, not the other way around?" I also thought to myself, "If I needed a clear sign that this was God's will for me, there's absolutely no doubt now!"

As I've said before, I've never felt more at peace about any decision in my life as I do about becoming a Benedictine oblate attached to the monastery at Norcia. This is where I feel like my heart is at; this is where my spiritual home will be at.

I still laugh about all the little seeds that were planted and all the little coincidences (or were they?) along the way; things I didn't notice until much later. 

All the St. Benedict dreams I've had for over a decade. Seriously, you can read some of the dreams I shared by searching "St. Benedict" in the blog's search feature on the upper left-hand corner.

The fact that my father was born the day after St. Benedict's traditional feast day (March 21st) and the fact that he died the day of his new feast day (July 11th). It almost seems like St. Benedict was meant to become my spiritual father. 

The way my former spiritual director redirected me to the Benedictines (more than once), a full 3 years before I seriously reconsidered them. 

I'm sure the fact that everything seems to move forward during Lent (like it has for the past two Lenten seasons) also means something I haven't figured out yet. Perhaps it's a metaphor for leaving my old life behind and having to sacrifice some of the creature comforts and selfish habits to begin this new life; one in which God will be even more present and at the center of my life.

Oh! And some quick answers to questions I've been asked about being a Benedictine oblate:

1) Yes, it's fine for women to attach themselves as Oblates to an all-male monastery such as Norcia because we won't be living with them. The monasteries become our spiritual homes and we're considering part of their community but we live out in the world. If we're able to, we'll make an annual trip to see them and reconnect with our spiritual home. In the case of Norcia, we American Oblates have the option of making an annual retreat in the States when the Oblate director visits since an annual trip to Italy isn't always possible.

2) No, it doesn't mean I'm becoming a religious sister. I'll remain a laywoman, living in the world but not of this world. I will live my life according to the Holy Rule, spending most of my time in prayer, studying/reading Scripture, and working in whatever field God wants me in. Since I'm not married nor do I have children -- and I'm still trying to recuperate from my recent health relapse -- my work is freelance writing and helping my other keep our household clean. I will also make hospitality and serving others a big part of my life, especially at my parish. In fact, once I have a little more energy and physical strength, I will be serving others in various ways during my free time (which I have a lot of).

I don't know whether I'll eventually marry or remain single but it won't be affected (or vice versa) by my being an Oblate. On the contrary, I believe it will enrich whichever vocation God has in store for me. If I'm meant to be a wife and mother someday, being an Oblate will prepare me to become less selfish, more giving/serving, and to not be afraid of the hard work that comes with the vocation. Likewise, if I'm meant to be single, I'll be prepared to work hard to support myself, to step outside of my own selfishness by serving others in need, and to pray for and offer up as much as I can for not only my spiritual home but all of the Church in general.

Here's a brief explanation about third orders (including what is required of Oblates) by Elizabeth Scalia for those still wondering about it.

Anyway, I just wanted to say a massive "thank you!" to everyone who donated and prayed for me. Since this summer's trip has already been funded, I can now begin to save up (little by little) for next year's trip when I will (God willing) be making my final Act of Oblation and become an official/full-fledged Oblate. Prayers that I find more work for that trip would be greatly appreciated. I have a little over a year to save up so here's hoping! 

Again, thank you for everything. I'm so eternally grateful to those of you who donated, prayed and shared the link. Thank you to my Heavenly friends, St. Frances of Rome, St. Benedict, and Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati for all the intercessions and the prayers. Also, seriously, someone please canonize Bl. Pier Giorgio already! lol. 

I will keep y'all in the loop as I make progress in my Benedictine journey but, for now, that's all.

I hope you all have a lovely weekend and have a wonderful week!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :)

Will and Lina Novels on Sale; Proceeds Being Donated

Copyright: Danica Clark Photography

Just a quick post to let y'all (not on social media) know that the Will and Lina novels are either already on sale (When Two Worlds Collide) and will be going on sale tomorrow (London Calling). I do this for the publication anniversary for both novels. London Calling will be celebrating 2 years of publication on Thursday. As per every May and December, I will be donating the proceeds. I had it in my heart to donate the royalties from this sale to the Monks of Norcia and their earthquake relief fund. Only the Kindle versions of the novels will be going on sale for 99 cents each but I will also donate anything earned from the paperback version (not on sale) as well. The sales go for a week each; Amazon has a "countdown deal" on the novel's individual pages so you know how much longer the sale will be going on for.

Will and Lina: When Two Worlds Collide (1st novel)
- Kindle: https://smile.amazon.com/Will-Lina-When-Worlds-Collide-ebook/dp/B00K2RBYJ2/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1482275622&sr=8-2
- Paperback: https://smile.amazon.com/Will-Lina-When-Worlds-Collide/dp/1505373727/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1482275622&sr=8-2&keywords=Will+and+Lina

Will and Lina: London Calling (2nd novel; on sale tomorrow morning)

- Kindle: https://smile.amazon.com/Will-Lina-Calling-Melissa-Cecilia-ebook/dp/B00RC56PAK/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1482275622&sr=8-1

- Paperback: https://smile.amazon.com/Will-Lina-Calling-Melissa-Cecilia/dp/1505487404/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482275622&sr=8-1&keywords=Will+and+Lina

I do have news about a future novel that I hope to share before the week is over. It's not part of the Will and Lina series but I do love the direction it's going in... and I love that the idea came to me while I was praying the Rosary novena a couple of weeks ago. ;)

Alright, that's it for now. I'm trying to finish Men, Women, and the Mystery of Love: Practical Insights from John Paul II's Love and Responsibility by Edward Sri. I'm hooked but haven't found the time to read it in large chunks of time so... gotta make that time. ;)

I hope everyone is having a lovely start of the week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Cars and Death

Hey everyone! Sorry for the absence in blogging. I took a couple of days off for myself and then life got super hectic and I just didn't have time to write until today. However, I'm back. I'm going to break what I want to share into two separate posts because I have a lot that's been going on and it would be overkill for one single post. First the good and the bad which are both sort of connected.

First, to quote Missy Elliott: ♪ beep beep, who's got the keys to the Jeep? Vrooooom... ♪ I got my car back on Friday evening. Hooray! I want to thank everyone who donated to the GoFundMe fundraiser Alli set up for me in October. It (and donations we got offline) helped pay for almost all of the expenses to get my car running again. It's not 100%, obviously. We had some major communication issues with the mechanic and the car looks good for how bad it was after the accident. There are a few things that can be overlooked. First. he didn't paint it as we assumed he would so some of the paint is peeling in the back. Also, the car is making a noise, the alarm and the electrical stuff isn't working properly (which my next-door neighbor offered to try to fix for me; the alarm at least) nor is the driver's side signal light working (which I'm going to fix by myself). It's a new type of headache but a lot of it is stuff won't make a huge impact on the driving so we're okay.

I think having a car with peeling paint and not working 100% is good for me because I'm a bit of a perfectionist and I need to let go of not having things be "perfect" as well as learning to not stress over things that aren't really important. The sound the car is making is apparently nothing to be worried about, it's just annoying as heck. I'm going to see if someone can help with that because the sound bugs me. I don't like calling attention to myself and that noise is certainly loud enough that people notice. I already reached out to the mechanic about getting it properly fixed but that's apparently not going to happen. He's ignoring my calls again and so we're going to look elsewhere.

The important thing is that I have my car back, it works, and I only had about 15 seconds of anxiety when I first started driving. I think a lot of people will be surprised to hear that I'm driving as if I didn't have an accident. Yes, I was a little jumpy yesterday because I'm not used to the craziness of L.A. drivers after nearly 5 months of not driving but I'll get used to that so it's all good. :D

On Friday, before we got our car back, we (Mom and I) went to the optometrist to get new glasses for both of us. What we weren't prepared for was the news that awaited us. We were expecting to see our optometrist / family friend but we found out she was killed in a car accident by someone who ran the red light in July of last year. It sounded a lot like my accident except I was lucky to escape with a couple of bumps and bruises.

Dr. Julie Kang-Kim (that was her name) was one of those salt of the earth kind of people. She was so lovely and supportive after my dad died. She was there for both Mom and I. One of her employees even went to the burial the day of his funeral; it's like a family. They've watched me literally grow up over the years since I've been going there since I was like 7 years old. It was a beautiful friendship with her, not just business. We went to lunch with her and we caught up on our lives when we saw each other. She was such a lovely, gentle, and caring person so hearing about her death was a huge blow for us. Mom cried but I held it in because of my eye exam. I know I sent out an Instagram post about it but if you could please say a prayer for her soul and her loved ones, I'd be so grateful.

I think the news of her accident before I received my car back as well as what I went through has made Mom (and big bro) a little nervous about me driving. It's understandable. Last year was a bit crazy in terms of accidents and bad things happening but I think we have to look at those things as lessons. As I told my mom, I think it was good for me because the accident made me slow down and learn to take better care of myself. It also made us more grateful for what we have. We also grew closer to God, which is always a blessing.

It seems oddly appropriate that we're going through this now, during Lent, because it reminds us about how death is a part of life. It's not a topic that one loves to think about (and, to be honest, death does scare me) but it's a chance to remind ourselves about how death is not the end. If one wants to spend eternity in Heaven, one must strive to live a holy life. It's not easy and we all slip from time to time but Lent reminds us of God's infinite mercy. Yesterday's Gospel reminded us of that: we may fail and come back repentant but God will always welcome back with open arms. Going to confession and receiving the Eucharist frequently can help us get a little closer to our goal of getting into Heaven. We never know when our time on this earth is up for it's important to keep working towards a holy life.

Anyway, sorry to end this on such a downer (with hope!) but we've been getting thunderstorms today and they're supposed to start again in a couple of minutes (according to the Weather Channel app) so I'm going to end this blog here. Also, the other topic I want to write about is longer than this update and I don't want to write a book just yet. ;)

I hope y'all have been doing well and are having a great start of week!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Greetings from Edit-land

I am writing this late (and it's still Monday in L.A. so this counts for the day!) because I've been working on editing my novels. 

This is just the latest round of edits. I think I have one or two rounds more after this before it's ready for publication. My deadline is May 4th, too. No pressure or anything. ;) It's all very excited but very time consuming as well. I managed to do 8 chapters worth of edits... and that's after I started late and had my breaks. I don't know how much free time I'll have to blog but, oh, I will write something every day... even if it's late, like today.

I don't really have much to write since my day was spent editing and thoughts of Will, Lina, and the Los Angeles Westside are currently occupying my mind. The one thing I will pass along is a link that my good friend Thomas Pringle sent me. 

The parish where Fr. Kyle Schnippel is at was broken into and they need to both repair and replace items that were broken and stolen. If you can donate anything, please click this link and be generous. If you can't donate for whatever reason, please say a prayer for all involved.

And that's it for today. Short and sweet because I'm honestly tired of staring at my laptop's screen. That and I have food and prayers to get to before the day ends. Maybe I'll blog earlier tomorrow; I can certainly think of something solid to write when my head isn't filled with novel thoughts. ;)

I hope y'all had a great weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Anxiety Update; Optimism; Saint Dreams, Part... I Lost Count Again.

Anxiety has been down for the past couple of days! Whoo! I was even able to make it to Mass on Sunday and receive the Eucharist. The only issue I had was with the cold weather and the incense inside the Church. The cold caused me a bit of pain (which is why I've had to stay indoors since Sunday afternoon) and the incense made me very lightheaded. I stuck it out, though... even when I was going to get the Eucharist and I felt like my knees were going to to give in under me (that's how lightheaded I felt). But, all is good! :D

I've been trying to stay the eternal optimist I am throughout this whole thing... and through some issues I'm having with a certain family member/the lectures I've received about donating. :D I'm not going to sit here and throw myself a pity party, complete with a solo using the world's smallest violin. I knew, in the stages of planning, that this family member would be upset with me because "we need food and money, too" (his words, not mine). I cannot NOT give, though. I know I don't have loads of money or resources, and that I want to give more than I can, which (on top of the snide remarks and lectures) causes a bit of stress and bums me out. I was trying to find a way to say how I'm placing my faith in God (knowing He will somehow help me help others), without sounding redundant, but Matt beat me to it. He wrote a great post on his Fallible Blogma site that, well, it's like he read my mind. You're not reading my mind, right, Matt? lol. Go read the article he wrote and you'll see what I mean.

If you've read my blog long enough, you know that I have saint dreams on an almost daily basis. Multiple saints, the Child Jesus, St Teresa of Avila, St Benedict (many of him), Our Lady of Lourdes, and St. Bernadette have been some of the dreams I've written about. I've had more than just these dreams. I've even dreamt about the end of the world where I go through Purgatory. Anyway, I've had a couple of good ones lately so I thought I might share. (I know a couple of the priests I personally know get a kick out of them).

A few weeks ago, I had a dream about Feast of Santa Lucia (St. Lucy). There are different European traditions/celebrations of this feast day, but I dreamt of the Swedish tradition. I ended up somewhere, in a white tent with a bunch of cute, little blond girls with wreaths on their heads, and white gowns. I remember I was the only brunette in the bunch and they were yelling at me to hurry up and get dressed because I was the one who would walk with the candle lit on my head. So I got into a white robe, my hair had two braids that resembled the breads that they prepare during this time. Then the wreath with the white candles was placed on my head. They also gave me candies to put into my pockets. As I was about to walk out of the tent, ready, I woke up. What's funny about this is that I had NO CLUE that it was a Swedish tradition. I'd heard about this before but thought it was done everywhere. Makes sense that I would dream about little blond girls dressed like St. Lucy then. lol.

I also had a chat with one of the saints who was a nun, I've forgotten who is was, in a dream. A few nights ago I dreamt of Bl. Pier Giorgio and his sister for a brief moment. I think I also had a chat with St. Raphael Archangel a few nights ago. I definitely saw him in it. I've had a few other saints appear but I've lost of track of whom. I'll have to write them down when I wake up.

I've had several dreams featuring St. Benedict, and it's usually me asking for his help because someone did witchcraft on someone else, or it's the devil's work, and I want to get rid of that. I've had quite a few of those in the past 2 weeks. The last two nights, especially last night/this morning, I've had some crazy dreams where I am fighting against the Satan himself. I think I had St. Teresa of Avila with me in last night's dream, as well as an angel -- though I am not sure if it was St. Michael Archangel. Outcome was good. Still, I have more than my fair share of dreams where I am fighting off evil with the help of a saint or two. It's not often that I wake up from a dream, to get a drink of water or something, and then go back to sleep... to continue the dream. This morning, that happened. I was fighting evil, woke up, went back to sleep, and continued it. Yesterday, it was St. Catherine of Siena who was helping me with my struggle against evil. Yeah, some pretty good saints to have with you, even if they were just dreams.

Okay, now, I've been writing long blog posts lately so I am stopping here. I probably won't write for a day or two because I've been sort of pressured/inspired by a friend to keep working on my novel (so close to being done, yet nowhere near being done, lol) so I will work on that. Hopefully next post I will share with y'all the soundtrack that goes with the novel/screenplay so that y'all can try to figure out the scenes and plot. I bet none of you will get it 100% though. :-P

As always, thanks for reading, and God Bless.

What Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati Has Taught Me

For the past week, Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati's name has constantly been on my mind. I don't remember how his name came up (I'd only heard it once before when they announced the patron saints for this year's World Youth Day) but I've had this inexplicable (pretty intense) desire to learn as much as I can about him and his life's work. It's similar to how I felt about St. Teresa of Avila almost a year ago.. Anyway, I have been researching (because not a lot of people have heard of it) and I've come to find that the things he did during his short life are things that I did as a child, or that I've wanted to do. The main thing is giving to those less fortunate. With Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up, I have made a decision which will no doubt leave tension in the household.

Ever since I was a little girl, it has always pained (yes, pained) me to see homeless people. On one of our trips to Mexico, when I was about 11 years old, there was a woman asking for money. She looked at us eating and I felt so bad that I gave her my peanuts. Granted, it wasn't much but it was all I had. She was grateful for it... but, boy, did I get made fun of by my family (one person in particular). That's something I've had to deal with: either get made fun of for what I do or get a lecture, followed by the silent treatment, for trying to help. I spoke to my mom about this on Saturday night and I told her I was determined to donate at least *certain amount of dollars* worth of food to our local parish's Food Drive. I know I'm probably going to get scolded at and there will be unpleasantness for a few days but I have to do this.

I've wanted to for a long time but I've never had the money to do it. So, instead of spoiling myself for the holidays (I do NOT need to spend more money on iTunes or amazon.com; nor do I need an iPod -- which I've never owned), I'm going to donate money and food. I will donate clothing, if I get the time to go through my stuff before the Christmas deadlines. I've always been afraid of the "consequences" that would come from doing this, mainly because it would be going against one of my parent's wishes and thus I'd be disobeying a parent, but I cannot consciously continue to be scared of what they will say/do. Now that I'm an adult (whoa, scary thought!), and have more resources, I'm going to follow Blessed Pier Giorgio's example and help those who are in need. Maybe that's why he's been on my mind so much lately. Honestly, I did not know much about him up until a week ago.

I'm very grateful that I have been able to learn a little bit about him. I haven't even scratched the surface yet. He's already inspired me to do more for others, as well as get the courage to do it. I mean, he did so much for so many people in his short 24 years on this earth, and shared the wealth he was born into... it's amazing. He's definitely someone to look up to. And to think he was only a little over a year older than I am now when he passed away, it's very sad. Sad, but he's up in Heaven and that makes me smile. :D

Alright, well, I should probably go work on my English Lit critical analysis of "Paradise of Lost", as well as study for today's Philosophy of Logic exam. Oh boy... lol. :D

OH!... and don't forget to vote to this blog's patron saint! Only 5 more days left to do it. And, hey, Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati is one of the saints (in his case, future saint) to be on the list. Just saying... lol.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D
.