A Week Without Social Media: Coming to Terms With My Insignificance

Just a quick note before I begin: I've decided to modify my blogging days during Lent. I'll be blogging every day, Mondays through Fridays, with the weekend off to catch up on anything left over from the week (e.g. emails). That way I don't burn myself out writing, too.

I know some of you are wondering how it's been now that I've gone a full week without social media. Has it been hard? Has it been easy? Did I crack yet? Was I able to go through with my plans to avoid social media on Sundays as well? Y'all... it's only been a week! lol. Having said that, I've had some interesting insights that may change the way I use social media from now on.

In all honesty, it's been an adjustment I've needed to get used to but it's far easier than I had anticipated. I've been using Facebook since 2004, when it was called The Facebook and you needed a college/university email to join the site (Santa Monica College alum over here). Before that, I used Myspace from their early days (2003) until about my reversion in 2006. I've been an active Twitter user since January 2008, with only a couple of months off in late 2017.

Social media has been a part of my life for my entire adult life -- nearly 16 years and counting. I was 18 years in 2003 when Myspace began. I was 19 when I joined Facebook in 2004. I joined Twitter as a 22-year-old. Basically, my late teens into early 30s have been spent using social media to communicate with others... and meet new friends. Still, it wasn't until perhaps my early to mid-20s when "Catholic Twitter" began that the addiction took hold.

I'm not blaming Catholic Twitter for my social media addiction. Enough research has been made to present us the cold, hard facts that social media and smartphone developers have purposely "brain hacked" us into becoming addicted to both. I have books I can recommend if you want to read for yourself but a quick Google search will bring up some of the articles for those who don't want or have the time to read long books on the subject.

I have so many fond memories of the OG Catholic Twitter members and of Matthew Warner compiling a list of all of few "openly Catholic" accounts on Twitter. So many of us met offline. Some of my now-best friends were people I met in those early days. Some of these people met, fell in love, and married thanks to early Catholic Twitter days. As the years passed, so many of the "OG" members have abandoned the platform because of all the drama. For those of us who were around in the early days (2008-2010), we know how much different it was then; how we miss the "golden age of Catholic Twitter."

Being away from social media this week, I was surprised at how, well, comfortable I felt without it. It was like going back home. It's sort of like when you revisit somewhere or something you used to love as a child and you have all those wonderful memories of it flooding back to you. That's how it feels.

In fact, I had this moment while praying the Rosary when these words flowed out of mind and heart. I wrote them down on a piece of paper on Saturday night because I felt they were important for me to remember later on.

"This break without social media, as well as the regular blogging, reminds me of my early reversion days; how hungry I was for the faith and for being "all in" in my relationship with God. Becoming an urban hermit is giving me a renewal of faith I haven't felt in a long time. I've been on Twitter since January '08; 11 years. I may keep my acccount as is (now) long after Lent, maybe checking my messages and replies 1-2 times a month."

It's amazing. This no social media and regular blogging has reminded me of my early reversion days (circa 2006 - 2008). In those days, I went by Miss CNW (Catholic Nerd Writer) and was anonymous. I wrote about my experience returning to the Faith after being away from the Church from ages 13 through 21. As I wrote in the note to myself, I had a real hunger to completely devote myself to learning as much as I could about the faith. Since I was anonymous online, I didn't have this immense pressure (which, admittedly, I put on myself) to be this "perfect Catholic." It was just me and this new, exciting journey in which I devoted myself to rebuilding my relationship with God.

Somewhere along the line, I lost sight of that. I became more preoccupied with doing things "the right way" because I wanted to live up to people's (or my own) unrealistic expectations of what I was supposed to be like or how I was supposed to behave. Y'all may know what I mean: you try to present the positive aspects while covering the ugly. I've written the good and bad but the ego and the "likes" on social media definitely affected how I used social media as well as what I blogged about.

(Side note: If you ever wondered what life was pre-social media addiction, my first novel, Will and Lina: When Two Worlds Collide, is loosely based on what my adventures were like... minus a Will. Also, the sequel, Will and Lina: London Calling, is more fiction than truth. And, no, I get no commission -- aside from royalty payments -- if you click on those links and order either books. Just normal links to novels.)

Taking a break from social media and regularly blogging has been a much-needed breath of fresh air for me. It has renewed that fire in my soul to detach myself from the world, reform my prideful ways, and devote myself to God as much as possible without becoming a religious sister (not my vocation).

Of course, I can never recreate what my early reversion days were like. I will never be that wide-eyed, unjaded 21-22-year-old who had a lot of learning to do. I'm now a 33-year-old young woman who knows more about the beauty and glory of the Church but still have so much left to learn. Since I began my blog, I've graduated from college... I've gone after two more degrees... I've suffered personal highs and lows... I've lost my father to cancer. All of that has changed who I am, but perhaps not as drastically as what social media has done to me.

I honestly don't want to return to social media... though I know I have to keep using it for work. I may just check my messages once a week or twice a month but I can't imagine ever going back. I think both the influence of my best friend (who logs into social once every couple of months and just to check any mentions) and the Holy Spirit opening my eyes have gotten me to this place. Of course, I know the "danger" of that is that people will stop following my accounts because, "Well, if she's not going to read my tweets or interact with me, why should I keep following her?" However -- and I don't mean to be rude or disrespectful -- I don't care.

I don't care if I lose followers on social media. The "likes" and "retweets" will no longer have any sway with me. Frankly, my pride would be wounded... and that would be completely wonderful because it would remind me that I'm nobody important or special. I'm just an ordinary young woman who likes to write. That's it.

My life is nothing extraordinary. In fact, it's absolutely dull. I completely appreciate that you, lovely readers, take time out of your days to read my ramblings but I feel like I don't have much to offer that is unique. There are so many other writers who are better than I am; who have better content to offer.

I recognize that God has given me a gift for writing and words because I've had people telling me that... but I don't want to get caught up in thinking about it. If I do, that's when pride creeps in and it spoils the gift God has given me. And, no, I'm not saying this as a way to fish for compliments. It's just how I feel.

So, how am I feeling a week into my "no social media" Lenten penance? Wonderful! It feels like I've been freed from being a slave to it. It has been, without a doubt, the best decision that I've made in recent months. I won't go back to using social media as I used to. I don't want the egoism, the drama, or the poor decisions made using social media. The penance part is all interior -- reminding myself of my unworthiness and insignificance in the world because, let's be honest, the numbers go to our heads... or, at the very least, they did to me.

We'll see how things go next week because this week begins the second phase of my social media and smartphone "break-up." Wish me luck. ;)

I hope you all had a lovely weekend and that you have a great week!

As always, thank you so much for reading!

Why I Decided to Leave "Catholic Twitter"

No, that isn't a clickbait title; I really am going to tell you why I decided to leave "Catholic Twitter."

First, I want to say that this blog post (though not the decision which was made weeks ago) was inspired by this Twitter thread by an online friend who seems to have had a similar experience to mine.

I've been on Twitter for over a decade. "But your account is only months old!" you may argue, looking at my account details. If this is you, you're a new follower who didn't know me as "nerdwriter"... the girl who refused to use her actual picture as her avatar... who was known as "Emmy" for years before she used her given name. My current account is a second public account I created after I deleted my first one, which I had from January 2008 until October 2017. I probably would've stayed off of Twitter for good except I returned to freelance writing and I needed a public social media account.

In the decade-plus I've been on Twitter, I've seen the evolution of "Catholic Twitter." In the beginning, there were a couple of us who were Catholics and found each other and made a little online community. Matthew Warner (creator of Flock Note) created a list of Catholic folks on Twitter and we all begin following other Catholics. We were a nice, little group for a while before Twitter really exploded.

I still remember the "great flirt-a-thon" of 2010 and again in 2012-13 when single Catholics were testing each other to see who fancied each other. I managed to survive that, thankyouverymuch. lol. I remember the camaraderie... the support... the laughter. I remember the hours-long conversations some of us had between 2009 and 2012. I remember the massive support I got when my father passed away in July 2009. I still get warm fuzzies thinking about the congratulations when I (finally!) graduated college after years of putting off my degree to help take care of my dad as well as taking care of myself. Those days have been long gone and I do miss them.

Some of you may be new to Twitter so you may not remember a time when "trad" Catholic Twitter, "weird" Catholic Twitter, "liberal" Catholic Twitter, and *insert adjective* Catholic Twitter didn't exist but it existed. None of us judged each other based on our liturgical preferences. When we disagreed, it was done respectfully. There were no memes, no ridiculous online lingo, and (most importantly) no division.

I'm not sure when "the great divide" occurred but it's only gotten worse in recent years. Sometimes I feel like I can't say anything because I'll get attacked... and I do, sometimes. I will ask or say something without malice or bad intention and someone will twist my words and make it into something ugly. I hate that. I love people and can usually let things slide but, golly, even I have my limits.

Several weeks ago, I was attacked over something that was so insignificant and innocent that I knew I had to leave "Catholic Twitter." Of course, you can't actually leave it in a physical sense but I've opted to be careful about who I follow (muting account and unfollowing others). I don't pay attention to all the tweets I see on my timeline either because some of it is just toxic to my spiritual life.

Look, I get it. I get looking for and following people with whom I agree with because they understand you. I know how much "easier" life is when you surround yourself with like-minded people. However, it can also become dangerous. You can beginning thinking that your way is right and the other person is wrong; "how are *insert name* think that?!"

I make it clear that I prefer the Extraordinary Form Mass. If I can't get one, a solemn OF Mass will suffice. I don't like the clapping, the music, and a number of other things but I will take one of those Masses over no Mass at all. Still, if I can get myself to a Latin Mass, it's my preference by a long shot. I veil or, at the very least, keep my head covered with a beret, scarf, or hat. Sure, I also prefer the "feminine way of dressing" (read: dresses and skirts) as well, which somehow is associated mostly with the "trads." I prefer the "traditional" in my liturgical preferences so I say I "lean trad" but that's as far as I'll go in labeling myself... and I'm still not comfortable doing it.

I don't align myself with the "trad" community online because of poor experiences I've had in recent years. I won't hash things out. I'll just say that, spiritually, it's unhealthy for me to only read blogs, interact with social media accounts, and/or surround myself with "rad trads" that lean so far right that there's a lot of mud-slinging at other Catholics and even Pope Francis. Do I agree with everything he says and does? No, but, whether you like it or not, he's still the Pope so let's show a bit of respect for him as the vicar of Christ, huh?

I also don't align myself with the "liberal" community. Sure, I believe in purchasing ethically (which is apparently a pet cause of the "Catholic left") but it has more to do with upholding the dignity of the human beings that create and/or harvest goods I purchase. This will be a future blog post itself. I still wear pants which is apparently a "trad Catholic" no-no. Sorry, but I need my sweats when I drive my mom to work at 4 a.m. during the winter months. Likewise, I wear shorts (albeit, Bermuda style that go down closer to the knees) because heat and I don't mix. This is also a "no-no" in some trad Catholic circles and I'll get called out for it. I believe in respect for my fellow human beings despite differences in our beliefs. That doesn't mean I'm also not above respectful fraternal correction when it comes to official Church matters; I just do it in a way that would make St. Francis de Sales (the "gentleman saint") proud.

And here's the thing: there's virtually no middle ground on Twitter or, really, online. You either lean one way or the other. If you opt to do what I have -- and refuse to "join" either side -- you're basically ostracized because of the whole "us versus them" mentality. If you say you like the Latin Mass, "Oh! Trad!" If you mention ethical purchases or "green" products, "Definitely liberal!" It's like we're in high school all over again. Good grief, y'all!

That's why I decided to leave "Catholic Twitter" and why I rarely interact on Twitter these days. It's not worth it. I will continue to tweet links to articles I think others will appreciate. I will continue to share saint quotes that speak to me (and which I think others need to hear; I feel you, Holy Spirit). I will also try to interact when things are calm but I have no qualms about "bolting" if things get heated and arguments pop up. I refuse to buy into that kind of mentality.

I'm not judging you if you have decided to align yourself with one of these online communities; I'm just saying why I decided not to. I can easily fall into scrupulosity and I can have a short temper on my off days (doesn't happen often but it can) so I'd rather not risk it. Being on social media -- and especially Twitter -- for too long usually means I have a lot more to add to my list for the confessional. I don't like it. For my own spiritual wellbeing, I'm going to "do me" and try to share things that I think (and hope!) will glorify God in some small way and not get into it with anyone else.

Anyway, I've been wanting to say something about this for a while but I didn't get the courage to do it until now. That and the time; I'm short on time sometimes. ;)

That's it for now. OH! Novel sequel sale ends tomorrow! I was forgetting about that. lol.

I hope you all had a lovely weekend and have a great week!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Will the "Catholic Twitter" Comments Please Stop?

As some of you (who are following me on Twitter) know, I decided to take a break from that social media website earlier this week. It's not the first time I've done it and it'll most likely not be the last. Right now, I can't see myself returning for a couple of weeks because 1) I have a deadline coming up and 2) I'm starting a new chapter in my vocation (career) so I gotta focus on that. Okay, real talk: I wouldn't have taken the break even with what's coming up if I hadn't grown tired of all the bickering and the "Catholic Twitter" drama that's been going on for weeks.

Admittedly, I don't log into Twitter as often as I have in the past but the little that I did experience in the last few weeks made me want to shut down my account and forget about ever visiting the site again. I wanted to keep up the use of saint quotes and more positive tweets but I just became too overwhelmed... especially when people started using "Catholic Twitter" as a collective noun to lump all Catholics together instead of addressing a small group of individuals who just happen to be Catholic.

News flash: not all those who are Catholic believe the same thing nor do they use and/or express themselves on social media the same. It's a disservice to those who do positive things on the website to be lumped together with the mischief-makers. Using "Catholic Twitter" when you're talking about a tiny number of people isn't nice. Yes, there are some people who love to ruffle feathers and add fuel to the fire but not everyone is like that. Can we please stop these "Catholic Twitter" comments? Don't lump everyone together. If you have a problem with what someone (or a group of people) said, why not address them personally?

Furthermore, it seems like we can no longer express our opinions without someone being offended... even within our little Catholic "bubble." Subtweets, shade... whatever you want to call it -- it all divides us. What happened to the days of disagreeing and being able to talk about our differences of opinions without it becoming a big argument? I remember those days. I remember the days when the biggest problem within "Catholic Twitter" was the big flirt-fests in which we couldn't chat without flirting happening. (Those who've been around since around mid-2008 know what I'm talking about). Now? You simply can't say anything without offending someone. I'm sure that even this blog post is going to offend at least one person because they're going to think I'm talking about them specifically. (hint: I'm not. Don't give anyone a reason to make a "You're so Vain" parody.)

I honestly feel like Twitter (as a whole, not just our little Catholic bubble) has hit rock bottom and I rarely feel joy when interacting with folks on that site. Even if I'm on there for a couple of minutes, I log out feeling angry, hurt, annoyed, and/or incredibly uncharitable. Yes, politics and the state of the country/society have contributed to it... but some of us aren't helping matters. You'd think that, after seeing everything that's been going on, more people would want to contribute to trying to make the site a friendlier, less-stressful place where we could chat with friends... but it's been the opposite.

To those who have the patience and thick skin to continue doing their good works -- sharing saint quotes and other gems that inspire people to learn more about the beauty of our Church: thank you! We need you to keep up the good fight that some of us can't deal with for whatever personal reason. (side note: as previously stated a couple of blog posts ago, I'm personally too sensitive to negativity and I feel physically and emotionally drained when I or someone I know gets attacked for no reason so I avoid those situations.)

To those who contribute to the drama: I will continue praying for you. You're all adults. You know what you're doing. You know Who is going to hold you accountable for your actions after all is said and done. Oh, did you forget that we -- every single one of us -- are all going be held accountable for everything we did in this lifetime? This is your friendly reminder.

I know I have a ton of really dumb stuff that I've already done in my lifetime (thus far); I don't want to add to it, which is why I'm going to avoid whatever will add to it. For now, Twitter is one of those things. As I said, I can't get on it without being uncharitable (even if it's only in my head; God will still know those) which lead to my decision for the break. Perhaps I can return to Twitter in a month's time and things will be better. However, as I continue to work on my relationship with God and try to cultivate a healthier spiritual and interior life, I'm currently not strong enough to log in and let the comments not affect me.

I will continue praying for all of you -- I literally do say "please bless everyone who follows me on social media" when I do my nighttime prayers -- and I hope to return to a Twitter with healthier communication habits.

This blog's Facebook page is still a good place to stay in touch if you ever want to pass along a link or something fun that you think I may enjoy. You can also post any prayers requests on that page or the Frassati Prayer Community page; I check both every day.

Anyway, that's it for now. I've said my piece (and hope that it leads to people considering peace). As I said in my tweet that told every one of my break: please be kind to one another. There's already so much chaos and fighting; we don't need us Catholics to get even more divided on things that don't matter.

And, now, if you'll excuse me, I have a novel I need to continue working on.

Have a blessed weekend everyone!