Why September, God? And What About My Vocation?

September has been associated with my spiritual life since my reversion. Well, really, since my baptism.

I was baptized on September 1st, 1985 in my hometown of Los Angeles, CA when I was only 3 months old.

I officially reverted to the faith during the first week of autumn, September 2006, when I was 21.

I saw on the "On This Day" Facebook memories that I had written, "I hear you, God. Loud and clear" on this day 4 years ago.

This year, I've been going through a major spiritual awakening (if I can call it that) that heavily involves our Blessed Mother.

I dislike summer (oh, how I really dislike it) and I start counting down the days until the autumn season official begins starting in July-August. I used to think that it was because I loved school and fall semester was the start of the academic year. It was either that or perhaps because I disliked summer very much due to my terrible memories associated with it (past illnesses, my father's death, etc.). Now I'm thinking that perhaps there's something more.

As I said, this year it seems like my major growth will involve our Blessed Mother. This is something that, like my reversion, began in June but isn't really becoming clear until this month. It started with my consecration but it's been building up steadily over the past couple of weeks/months.

Earlier this week, I posted a tweet which somehow blew up (I've never had that many "likes" or "retweets" before) based on an experience I had.

I love the looks of horror on people's faces when I say all I want is to be a wife and mother someday; that I'd be more than content doing just that.

No, I'm not "aiming low" nor will I be "throwing my life away." But thank you for your concern.

— Melissa Cecilia (@MelissaCeciliaG) September 16, 2018

This is actually something I've been wanting to write about for a while but, for whatever reason, I never did until a couple of days ago.

Upon some very heavy (and prayerful) reflection, I realized just how much I desire to be a wife and mother. I mean, I've known this was what I've felt called to as my ultimate vocation but it didn't really settle into my heart until a few weeks ago. I want nothing more in this life than to get married, have a family, and completely dedicate myself to taking care of them; to doing what I can to ensure that they all make it to Heaven at the end of their lives.

However, I haven't been able to voice this without opposition... even within my own household. I get these comments about how I'll be throwing away my life; how I would be throwing away my entire education (and how my student loans will never pay themselves off) if I devoted myself to having and raising a family. I get told that having a career is more important; that if I don't have one and I get stuck with a deadbeat husband who will cheat on me and eventually divorce me, I'll have nothing to fall back on and support my own family. All of these things I've heard throughout my entire life -- ever since I was a little girl -- and they instilled a major fear in me that I haven't been able to shake off until recently.

This is where our Blessed Mother comes into my life. I've come to slowly lose that fear through my recent devotion to praying the Angelus; to the reflections I have when I meditate on her fiat. Without knowing what was ahead, she said, "Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it done to me according to thy word." (Luke 1:38, DRA) Even writing it now, I feel myself wanting to tear up because it's so beautiful. She said "yes" to God's will and His plans without fear... which is something I've sadly been unable to do in my own vocation discernment.

I see what a beautiful witness she is to the world. She was so humble and (to those who don't recognize what an important role she played in humanity's salvation) she did "nothing extraordinary." She was a wife and a mother, taking care of her household and of her family. It seems like such an ordinary life -- and, in that sense, it was -- but she did extraordinary things in her simplicity and humility. The more I think about it and about her life, the more I aspire to become more like her. Of course, I will never get anywhere close to being like her but I can by trying to be the best wife and mother I can be. 

Yes, there is the little hitch that I'm still woefully single. If I'm completely honest, I fought the idea of dating for as long as I could because of those fears so many women instilled in me -- that finding good, faithful men was impossible; that I should just resign myself to the idea that I would get hurt by them and thus make myself strong for the inevitable. What a horrible, jaded, and fearful view I had of the vocation of marriage. No wonder I was always reluctant to date.

Full disclosure: I actually didn't go on my first real date until a couple of weeks ago, for that same reason. Yes, I'm 33 but I didn't go on my first date because of that lifelong fear. It took a lot for me to work up the nerve to allow myself to date and to say "Yes" to God's will for my life. I'm done worrying about what could happen. I'm going to fully trust God to lead me to the right man and to not fear my vocation. (side note: there's still no fella in my life, despite the date, but the hope remains!)

All of this is happening in the month of September. Why September, God? And what about my vocation? I don't even know where to start with that... well, beyond preparing myself for when the time comes. Even then, there's only so much I can do on my own.

Please say a prayer for me, y'all. I feel like God (through our beautiful Mother) is helping me shed fears and awakening something in my heart that has been dormant for a long time. Besides a deep yearning for going to daily Mass and immersing myself in learning more about the vocation of wife and of motherhood (using Mama Mary and various saints as examples), I feel like God is doing some major work in my interior life that is just about to radically change my life.

Anyway, I just felt like sharing this with y'all. I have no "Written Wednesday" update for you this week because EpicPew still hasn't posted what I wrote last week and I don't know when the other two sites (CatholicChemistry and Verily Magazine) will post the articles I've written for them as well. I'll keep you updated. ;)

I hope you are all having a lovely week thus far! And, if you're observing Ember Days like I am, keep going! It's only 2 more days after this. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!

This is What Happens When I Pray the Entire Rosary Daily...

Only 2 blog posts for the entire month of August?! Goodness, I was more swamped with work than I thought. Not that I'm complaining! I'm so grateful that I was given the opportunity to write for a new website as well as being able to proof a manuscript that I will eventually be able to share with y'all; the name of the manuscript, not the actual thing. Triple the amount of work. I ended the month tired but very happy.

I keep asking God to send me more work if writing is my (small v) vocation and I keep getting new work so... Your will, God, not mine. I learned (the hard way) that doing what I thought was the right path -- due to my own fears -- never ends well. I'll keep letting God guide me since He always knows the best path for my life; I know nothing. lol.

Anyway, I now have time to blog so I wanted to share with y'all my experience with praying the entire Rosary daily. And, by the way, when I say "entire Rosary" I don't mean just whatever Mysteries are assigned for the day. I mean all 15 traditional Mysteries.

Before I get any "you're such a trad snob" comments, yes, I will occasionally incorporate the Luminous Mysteries on Thursdays but I tend to stick to the traditional ones. If you want to do all 20, go for it. I prefer doing the traditional 15, even when I do the 54-day Rosary novena (which we're going to be doing again this year).

I got the idea for praying the entire Rosary after reading The Secret of the Rosary by St. Louis de Montfort. I read it at the beginning of summer and I've tried to do it as often as I can. Some days, I can only manage one full Rosary (e.g. Glorious Mysteries on Sundays) because of crazy busy my day is or because of how terrible my fatigue is but I can usually do more than one. I have noticed one thing about the days on which I can manage to pray the entire thing: my heart and mind are at peace and very little disturbs me.

Things that would normally test my patience, upset or sadness me, things that would "ruin" my day don't even make a blip on my radar. That doesn't mean that I'm not aware of them. It simply means that the graces that come with praying the Rosary help me get through the negative. I feel more confident, more courageous, and happier overall. I feel our Blessed Mother's protection. I'm less prone to doing dumb things I'll later have to tell a priest in the confessional. I don't normally pray for personal intentions when I pray the Rosary -- I try to focus solely on the Mysteries -- but I have no doubt that I would receive what I asked if I did.

If I have any worries, they no longer seem to matter as much as they did the day or even hours earlier. If I'm feeling upset over anything, I'm able to look at any silver lining I can find in the situation. If I have fears or doubts, they are soothed and I'm able to think about things more clearly.

It all goes deeper than that, too, but I don't know how else to put it into words. I guess the closest I can get to describing it is in this way: my weary soul is refreshed and at peace and I feel close to both Mama Mary and to her beloved Son. Like I said, those words don't even adequately describe or even scratch the surface but it's as close as I can get without getting into what others have described as "syrupy sweet St. Therese mode."

Have any of you ever tried praying all of the Rosary mysteries (either the original 15 or all 20) in a single day? Do any of you pray the entire thing frequently? If so, do you sort of understand what I'm trying to say? It feels weird to be at a loss for words but that's where I am. In fact, I've frequently found myself in this state; unable to speak eloquently about the wonderful changes that have been going on in my interior life.

For this month of the Seven Sorrows of Mary -- and as an idea for those who are unsure of what they can do following the abuse scandals -- I propose you give it a try. Even if you only do it once this month, I lay this challenge down for whoever wants to do it. You will not regret it.

Anyway, I just wanted to get these thoughts down today because 1) it's the beginning of a month of Mary (and her birthday is coming up), 2) some people need more ideas on what to do for the Sackcloth and Ashes campaign, and 3) it's the 33rd anniversary of my baptism and I wanted to celebrate by blogging about this. Yes, I already went to confession to celebrate it but this part two of my celebration. ;)

Alright, that's it for now. I hope to blog again soon but it's all contingent on my workload. The fewer blog posts I write, the more work I have... and the closer I get to paying off my student loans. Oh yes, the war paint has been applied when it comes to paying them off. lol.

I hope y'all have been doing well... or, I should say, as well as you can be while feeling heartbroken,  hurt, and/or angry due to scandals that have hurt us Catholics in recent weeks. Keep praying, doing Acts of Reparation, and fasting.

As always, thank you for reading and God bless!

'Tis My Second Birthday: Baptism Anniversary

I took both of these pictures, thank you very much. ;)

Many, many moons ago (don't do the math, lol), a wee little lass named Melissa was baptized at a church named Nuestra Señora Reina de Los Angeles (Our Lady Queen of the Angels) across the street from historic Olvera Street in downtown L.A. According to her mother, this wee 3-month-old bundle of chubbiness and smiles did not cry like the other babes. Oh, no. She laughed her baby tush off as she splashed the priest with water... just as her older brother had, nearly 13 years earlier. All sins were washed away and this little lass began a lifelong commitment to the Catholic faith. Sure, she stumbled later on (in her teens) but she eventually returned to the Church she was baptized in and now celebrates that beautiful day.

And if you're new to this blog and are wondering who Melissa is, it's me. That's my actual first name. Emmy is my nickname. It was the name Mom wanted to give me before Dad vetoed it and named me himself. I ended up using it to maintain my anonymity in the early blogging days and it stuck. Longtime blog readers, friends, and even professors still call me Emmy despite (almost) everyone knowing my real name. To quote one of my best friends, "you're more of an Emmy than a Melissa." Thanks? *shrugs*

This year, it landed on a First Friday so Mom and I took an early morning trek to the local parish for Eucharistic Adoration. Unfortunately, it was already 93 degrees at 9 a.m. so we didn't spend as much time in Adoration as I had wanted. If the weather would've cooperated, I would've probably made the trip to the church of my baptism since it's a couple of minutes away but knowing me and my unfortunate tendency to get sick and/or nearly faint due to the heat (and humidity, yuck), I thought it was best to just stay locally. I wish I could spend all day in Adoration but, you know, the weather doesn't cooperate with me. Oh well. I'll find ways to spend more time in prayer today, even if it's just in the silence of my room.

I'm wondering, does anyone else celebrate their baptism anniversary? And, if so, what do you do for it? I've heard some people ask for blessings at Mass, they celebrate with a white cake, they light their baptism candle, etc. I don't want to turn on the oven in this blistering heat to make a cake but I went to church. I'm trying to keep myself from eating meat on Fridays but I made an exception today because of my baptism anniversary. Gotta celebrate somehow, right? Yay, red meat! Sorry, PETA and other vegetarians.

Oh! Here's a fun fact I learned today: my baptism anniversary falls on the feast day of St. Anna the Prophetess and St. Vibiana. For those you who need a refresher on who St. Anna the Prophetess is: she was at the presentation of Jesus in the Temple (Luke 2:36-38). I mean, how flipping cool is that coincidence?! Also, St. Vibiana is the patroness of the city of Los Angeles. (FYI, local blog readers: her relics (which I've often visited) are in the mausoleum of the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angeles.) I was born in the month of Mary (May)... baptized (and reverted) during another month of Mary (September; Our Lady of Sorrows) in Los Angeles... and my baptism anniversary on the feast of the woman who was present at the presentation of Our Lord and on the feast of the patroness of Los Angeles. It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. lol.

Anyway, just wanted to share this and also get some baptism anniversary ideas from y'all for next year (or my future kiddos). :)

I hope you all had a lovely week and have a great weekend! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

It's My Second Birthday: Baptism Anniversary!

Today is a special day for me: it's my baptismal anniversary... a.k.a my second birthday. 30 years ago today, my parents and godparents drove to Nuestra Señora Reina de Los Angeles (Our Lady Queen of the Angels) at Olvera Street, one of the oldest parts of the city of Los Angeles, to have me baptized. I was a 3 month-old bundle of chubb and smiles.

Mom says I was very pleased with myself for splashing the poor priest, who I think is still there, 30 years later. There were smiles and giggles. I apparently didn't cry at all. Maybe I splashed the priest because I was too excited about being baptized? I don't know, I was 3 months old. lol. I'm pretty sure mom still has my little outfit stored somewhere... 'cause, you know, memories of my second birthday are important.

Being stuck (ha!) in L.A. allows me to visit the church whenever I'm in the downtown area. I usually go with my mom or by myself. I've only been to visit with a friend once, a friend who ended up entering seminary last year. I think there is (or was) an indulgence attached to visiting the place of our baptism. I don't actually go to receive the indulgence; I go because, despite my not remembering my baptism, it is the place where I became a member of the Catholic Church. It is the place where my parents helped get this beautiful journey get started.

I'm not planning anything big today, despite it being a big milestone "birthday," because I've been so preoccupied with other things. On the way home from the hospital this morning (it was my penultimate appointment for wound care), I stopped by my home parish and sat in silence for a couple of minutes. I did my morning prayers, my prayers for day three of two novenas, and thanked God for the past 30 years. I asked Him to bless me with (at least) another 30 years so that I can do great things for Him and the Church.

This month also marks my official reversion to the Church which occurred in 2006. The seeds of curiosity were planted in the summer of 2006 but I didn't have that "official" moment until sometime during September. Since I don't remember the exact date, I'm counting today as the unofficial day since it is the first of the month. So happy 9th reversion anniversary to me, too. ;)

As I wrote on my personal FB profile last night, "Welcome, September. You've given me so many wonderful memories -- my official reversion in 2006, many first days of school, mom's birthday (and Mama Mary's birthday), friends' birthdays, so many wonderful starts of autumn, etc. I can't wait to see what you have in store for me this year."

Family Tree and Baptismal Anniversaries

While working on the family tree this past Sunday morning, I discovered to awesome things: my mother's and my baptismal anniversaries. Furthermore, I discovered them on my baptismal anniversary. :D

See, I've been working on my family tree for months. I like history so looking at one's own family tree has always fascinated me. I'm currently stuck in the early-mid 1800s as many records were burned during the Cristero war (the town where my paternal grandparents and family lived at the time saw a lot of action, apparently) but I hope to find something to get me unstuck. Also, I'm pretty sure I'll soon find something that confirms whether there's some Irish ancestry on my paternal grandmother's side of the family (as is believed). The Spanish line, I'm happy to report, runs deep. ;)

As for my mother's side of the family, it's a little harder to find. My mom was adopted when she was days old and her adoptive father (yes, she was raised by a sole parent) didn't get many things in the process. Mom's been on her own since she was young so we didn't know much about that side of the family. Thankfully, I was able to find church records from the town she was raised in and found something she hadn't known her entire life -- whether she was baptized as an infant or not.

I skimmed through all the records of the year she was born until I found her birth date. I stopped skimming and went through them slowly until I found her. Her name, the name of my maternal grandmother (who had a different surname than we thought), the name of her godparents, and the name of the priest who had baptized her. It turns out that she had been baptized at a day one, which she never knew. Mom was baptized, did her first communion, and was confirmed when I was 3 years old... but it sounds like it was a conditional baptism since they didn't know whether she had been baptized or not. Anyway, needless to say, mom was so excited that she hugged me and was on cloud nine the rest of the day.

I was curious to see my own baptismal records (which my mom happily produced) and saw that my own anniversary was this past Sunday. That's right, I celebrated 28 years (yes, I'm that old :-P) of being Catholic on September 1st. With my mom's birthday and baptismal day being this month as well, you can bet we've found new reasons to celebrate. ;)

Anyway, I thought this was neat so I wanted to share. Okay, I really wanted to write and couldn't come up with anything else so I chose this to write about lol. Never let it be said that I don't try. ;)

I will have something to write for tomorrow's What I Learned Wednesday post... and hope to have it published early enough.

Now to have a late lunch and try to stay cool despite a leaky A/C and heat in the triple digits.

Hope y'all are having a great week thus far. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!