Yes, THAT Topic Again -- Social Media vs Me

Before I begin I just want to wish y'all a happy St. Therese of Lisieux feast day! Yes, it's late but it's still October 1st in Los Angeles. ;)

I'm sitting cross-legged on my bed, listening to MuteMath's self-titled album which has been a permanent fixture on my CD player (seriously, I didn't have an mp3 player until I was 23) -- and then iPod touch -- since I first purchased it a decade ago. This album reminds of the Fall of 2006 (into Winter 2007) when my reversion truly took hold. Late September 2006. I can't believe it's been a decade! Sometimes it doesn't feel like it's been that long yet it does in some ways. I've learned a lot in the past decade but I know there's still so much more that I need to learn. So many great memories of that time, many of which inspired some of the things that I wrote about in the first Will and Lina novel.

No, I'm not going to sit here and take a trip down memory... though I'm very tempted to because early 2005 through mid-2007 were arguably my favorite years thus far. No, I'm going to resist that urge and, instead, I'm going to write whatever pops into my mind. This could be slightly dangerous but sometimes I just like to write to see what's on my mind. Here it goes...

Tonight I was reflecting on how much I stink at trying to limit my time on social media. Horrendous. It was a sort of (but not really) resolution earlier this year. I may need to go to a social media addicts group meeting or something. I go through periods in which I'm really good at it and then something happens and it throws me off. That something is usually an illness that forces me back on social media because it's where I can get things off my chest. Bottling up what I'm thinking is bad business for me -- it's what triggers some anxiety attacks when I do too much of it -- but I also overshare a lot. Sure, you can argue that I share a lot but I'm very careful about what I share so you only get a teeny tiny view of my offline life, but I've been thinking that I need to make yet another attempt to cut back on that.

I get bored so I tweet. I don't have another human being to interact with for most of my day so I check social media or text a friend. Sometimes I'll get wrapped up in coursework, a movie, a book, or some other activity but my fallback is always social media. It's not even a FOMO issue since, honestly, I don't really check Twitter that much. I tweet and/or reply to a tweet. I read the 15 or so tweets at the top of my timeline and then I move on. It's not a bad cycle but it's also a waste of my time.

No, I didn't say that interacting with friends is a waste of my time. I say it's a waste of time because I eventually end up falling into the vicious black hole cycle of clicking through links... or Instagram pictures that lead to other pictures... or YouTube videos that lead to more videos. I actually caught myself saying "well, what can I search now?" after going through my usual round and finding things quiet. When I couldn't figure out what else I could do, I simply shut down my laptop... a bit disappointed. I've, at least, disciplined myself to avoid certain websites and previous habits that would've kept me online longer but the fact that I was disappointed that I couldn't find another thing to distract me was a bad sign. Houston, we have a problem.

I would love to say that the books I checked out from the library last month are being read but they're not. I had to renew them because the due date was looming and I haven't made a big dent in them. I've been going through some anxiety and health issues so I'm constantly looking for distractions. It's not bad to distract myself during these times -- it helps me from getting a full-blown panic attack or helps me be able to nip the symptoms in the bud -- but I keep distracting myself beyond the anxiety attacks that want to pop up. Procrastination / senioritis is real. I think I'm filling my world with too much noise because I don't want the inside noise (the worries, the stress, etc) to win. Does that make sense?

I'm going to try to cut the outside noise again. It's not going to be comfortable for me since I've once again gotten used to the noise but it's necessary. My concentration is shot and I can't blame feeling tired or even my health; I'm simply too overloaded with noise. It's probably not going to last long (it never does) but I'm going to do this as many times as necessary. Habits take 8 weeks to stick so I'll keep starting over every time I fail.

I can do it. I've been able to do it before, even for weeks at a time. I've done my research and my plans have worked in the past. I've decided to add an hour of "Emmy" time per day. This means that for an hour I have the option of playing my guitar and singing, reading a non-academic book, writing in my journal (yes, I have one offline), or spending an hour in adoration if I can make the drive to one of the parishes that have daily adoration. There are more things I can do but you get the gist. The only thing I cannot do in my "Emmy" hour is have a screen in front of me. No screens, not even the Kindle screen.

I've been communicating with friends offline more often lately which ought to help curve the social media usage. The fact that the temperatures will begin to get cooler will also help me get outdoors more, even if that simply means an hour (or two) at the local library for some peace and quiet. I may even go study at my alma mater since I feel so at peace on campus. Our homecoming weekend is coming up and we alumni are greatly encouraged to visit that entire week for festivities so I have an excuse. I know, I'm surprised by that last statement, too. lol.

Alright, well, my Emmy hour for the day is coming up so I should skedaddle. That's such a fun word  -- skedaddle -- that I'm going to try to use more often. No, not procrastinating; just an amusing thought since I'm pretty much writing what I'm thinking, right?

I hope y'all are having a lovely weekend thus far. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Childlike Wonder in Grad School

Today is my first day back to grad school (hoorah!) but my class doesn't technically begin until tomorrow so I have time for a quick blog post. ;)

Did y'all have book mobiles growing up? I did. I loved the day the book mobile came to my (public) elementary school. While we had a school library, there was something special about the book mobile. I used to get a thrill out of waiting in line and then trying to come up with at least one book to check-out in the 5-10 minute time limit we got. It was an exciting challenge that led to an even more exciting adventure.

How about catalog cards? Does anyone remember those? I loved having to go to the physical library catalog, look up the author by surname on those little cards, then look for the number where the book was located, and finally try to find the book. It was another fun adventure; a scavenger hunt for great treasure.

This quarter I'm taking a class called Historical Books of the Old Testament. It's about, you guessed it, historical books in the Old Testament. From Joshua to Maccabees, I'm going to be studying them for the next 10 weeks. Of course, there is no obvious connection between the two examples I gave and the course. I mean, besides being about books. However, there is one for me: having this course after a 3.5 month break and having the fruitful Lenten season I had has reminded me of little elementary school Emmy and how I miss a side of myself that I haven't seen in nearly two decades.

What was I like as a child? I loved the faith. I wanted to be a nun when I grew up and I would say that to people. I loved attending Mass; I was mesmerized by it, especially the Consecration. Remember, this is me at like 6-8 years old and I was poorly catechized so I didn't know the real significance of what was happening. I just remember not wanting to miss a single thing the priest did during that part of the Mass. I also loved school. I mean, I loved school. I would cry if my parents made me miss a class (and I only did when I was too sick to attend; yes, I would try to go to school even when I was sick). I loved reading, history, science... I just loved academia.

Sadly, I lost a big part of that love (for both the church and school) when I got older. My parents were Catholics by name only and after my First Communion was done, we basically stopped attending Mass. I was teased for being a "geek" at school. I can pinpoint it to junior high -- 7th grade in particular -- when I started to slack off in my studies. It created horrible habits, including one that I still struggle with: procrastination. A few days ago I remembered how much I loved studying but how I tend to procrastinate because I find other things to do. Okay, fine, I get lost in the world of social media and movies, etc. Procrastination + distractions = rushing to get my coursework done. Yes, I can pull a Rory Gilmore and study like a madwoman but it's usually last minute. Read: stress levels through the roof most of the time.

Since I have done some great progress in my recovery (no longer underweight, eating, and sleeping better), I decided to do channel little Emmy and get back into that academic groove I used to be known for. It doesn't hurt that I'm combining two things I loved as a child: the faith and academia. Hooray for Biblical Theology graduate studies! lol. I know it won't be easy or even the same since I'm now older and (obviously) using different tools (i.e. internet, computers) that I didn't have back then but I think this will help me this quarter.

I've been doing the Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati novena (his birthday is coming up on Wednesday) and I've been asking him to intercede for me in regards to distractions (which result in procrastination) and lack of concentration. My concentration is shot even when I'm doing something simple; that bad. I think I have the tools necessary to curve the social media distractions (hello, Lenten practice!) and I think I've figured out times when I'd be able to get the most out of my studies (read: quiet times in an apartment building) but I still need that extra help so Bl. Pier Giorgio is getting bugged now and the Holy Spirit will get bugged afterward. lol.

I wonder if my plan to have a childlike wonder in grad school will help. When I was younger, I'd ask questions about something I didn't understand or wanted to know more about because I was curious. I stopped because of the teasing and because I didn't want people to think I was dumb. Nowadays, I don't really care too much about looking dumb so I ask. I'm going to try it again. I hope that between this state of mind, the toolbox for studying I've created (classical music and/or Gregorian chants, Pomodoro technique app, specific schedule, etc), and reminding myself of what my goal is (graduating in two years with knowledge to help others learn more about the Church) I will do well. Maybe I'll even treat myself to trips to the library every now and then to check-out physical books as rewards for a good exam or a good week. Yes, I'm enough of a "geek" to really see that as a gift to myself. ;)

Anyway, I don't know why I wanted to share this... I just did. ;) Maybe it's the excitement of starting classes again. Perhaps it's a way to remind myself and keep myself accountable. Both? We shall see. :D

Alright, I'm trying to get to bed as early as 10 p.m. (seriously) so I can get enough sleep and then get up early to study for the first class begins. Technically we online students aren't getting the lecture video until Wednesday, I believe, but I want to get as much done (read: get ahead a little if I'm able to) as I can. I want to savor everything and since it is just one course this quarter, I think I may have the luxury to do just that. I don't want to be rushing through the reading last minute like I have been doing for years. Yes, years. Don't try this (procrastinating) at home... not even you professionals. ;)

I hope those of you who are also starting their quarters have a great quarter. For those of you about to do your finals, good luck! I'll be praying for all you students. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

Ch-Ch-Changes and Lent

My goodness, so much has happened in the last couple of days that all the plans I had have just dramatically changed. I do have writing in my near future, but the novel has been put on hold in favor of another project that has re-surfaced. Just when I thought I was out... they pull me back in. lol. It's good though. It's great writing experience for me and it'll definitely help me when I am go back to my book. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited about this change of plans. I don't think I've ever been as giddy as I am; at least not for a long time. :D I just hope God gives me strength to be able to complete the project through without any problems (any health problems, at least). I will also learn to give up sleep and other things, like watching football (soccer) matches, until I am done.

Speaking of giving up football matches... that is precisely what I am doing for Lent. After the way Liverpool played today, and have played lately, I won't be missing much. lol. I was thinking about giving up the internet as well but, since the change of plans, I won't be able to do it because I need to do a ton of research. It looks like most, if not all, of Lent will be spent at mass, the library and my home. I was thinking about the fasting portion of Lent (for Ash Wednesday, etc.) but I will have to talk to a priest about that because I can't actually fast. I get pretty sick if I don't eat every 3 hours so, we'll see. Hopefully there is something else I can do on the days we're required to fast.

Yes, this is the end of my blog for today. I'm spending the rest of the evening having quality time with one of my favorite guys, mainly doing research. Pfft. Research shouldn't be as fun as what I'm going to be doing (which is basically watching a bunch of DVDs and taking notes). Oh, yeah... if you see "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson popping up on my Last.Fm counter (shows what I am listening to at the moment; it's on the right side of this post), that is no glitch. It's my new favorite song hence listening to it obsessively. lol. :D Well, 'til next time... thanks for reading and God Bless. :D