Sometimes a Girl Needs Her Dad...

I saw the cemetery as I was driving home from where I had a meeting this morning. I wasn't planning on stopping... but something nudged me to make a detour. Without thinking twice, I pushed the turn signal down and went in through the cemetery gates.

Now, before any of you think this is a weird start to the post -- especially those of you who are new to this blog -- let me explain something: this is the cemetery where my father is buried. He died a little over 9 years ago from colon cancer that eventually metastasized and spread to other vital organs. I will occasionally go visit him on my own but I usually go with my mom... and it's almost always planned.

I knew, driving to the spot near where he's buried, that there was something greater at work with my split-second decision. I've driven by the cemetery (only a couple of miles from where we live) several times recently and I always do the Sign of the Cross but I haven't stopped by. Today, I just knew I couldn't do that.

The cemetery was empty. I was very well aware of that as I drove through the cemetery and even more so as I was walking to Dad's grave. There is a somber peace about an empty cemetery. It will make you really have a Memento Mori moment.

I'll admit that I started crying before I even made it to my father's grave. The second I reached it, I broke down in a full-blown sob.

I was always very much a "daddy's girl." When I was growing up, it was just my daddy and I. My mother always worked during the day and he worked the graveyard shift so I spent most of my waking hours with him. Whenever he would grab his car keys, I would grab my dolls and get ready to leave with him. Sure, there were (naturally) a couple of tense years during my teens and even more so when I reverted to the Faith, but I always loved my dad. He was overprotective and strict but I know he was that way because he wanted to protect me.

Lately, I've been feeling overwhelmed and stressed out about circumstances beyond my control. It's when I feel this way that I miss him the most. He always made me feel better; always made me feel loved. So when I reached his grave, the first words out of my mouth were, "Daddy, I miss you... and I'm feeling overwhelmed."

Logically, I knew that he wasn't physically there. Yes, what's left of his earthly body may still be there but I know his soul is elsewhere. Still, I had a "chat" with him because sometimes a girl just needs her dad. I unburdened my heart and my troubles. I know that, wherever he is, he knows exactly what I'm talking about; that he might've had similar experiences with the same person who has been causing a lot of problems in my life now.

I sobbed the entire time I was there. I asked that, if he was already in Heaven, he pray for me. I prayed for his soul and promised to return to his grave soon. I like to decorate his grave marker with marigolds so I'll be back to do it next week. I walked away, feeling both lighter and also very sad.

I don't think I will ever "get over" his death. He was the first person who told me I was worthy of respect; that I was worth being loved. He fought hard and sacrificed to make sure I got a good education. Though he used to grumble and we used to argue about my wanting to go to Mass and confession frequently -- he was away from the Church for 40+ years before his reversion a few months before he passed -- he made sure I was in a better place, spiritually, than he was.

All of this also made me reflect on how I also still have my Heavenly Father. I usually go to our Blessed Mother when I find myself in tears but I know I can go to God and talk to Him. I have, but not for a long time. Perhaps I should carve out some time in my crazy busy schedule and just have a chat with Him as well.

Sometimes a girl needs her Dad... and I'm so blessed and fortunate to have had an earthly one that taught me my own worth and showed me so much love in the first 24 years of my life... and a heavenly One Who has always shown me so much love throughout my life, even when I haven't been at my best.

Anyway, just some ponderings since I had little free time today. :)

I hope you all had a lovely weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

A Different Take on All Souls Day

No, I am not rewriting what today is. It is still a day on which we commemorate those who have passed as well as those who are currently in Purgatory, waiting to get into Heaven. However, on the way home from the San Fernando Mission Cemetery, where my father is buried, we encountered something that made me think about the importance of the day.

Before I get into that, I just wanted to say: daddy, we still miss you terribly. We're never going to get used to being just the two of us (mom and I) but I know you're in a better place and I thank God that you were able to give the rest of your life to Him before you passed. Big brother, Moises, I never got to meet you but I know you're looking down from Heaven, taking care of mama and I. (Paternal) Grammy, I wish I had known you better. I know I inherited my love and appreciation for Catholicism from you and I thank you for taking me to the humble but beautiful churches in Mexico when I visited. We miss and love you too.

Now... for those of you who aren't from L.A. nor have been to the San Fernando Valley, one of the California Missions is located in Mission Hills. As I said, my father is buried in the cemetery that is next to/part of Mission San Fernando Rey de España. Next to them is Bishop Alemany High School which is, from my understanding, one of the best Catholic high schools in L.A. Anyway, we often drive by there (when we're in the area) and today I was happily surprised to see a number of students with signs that read "Honk for Life" and "Vote Yes on 34." Here are a couple of pictures I took (with permission from the adult supervisor who was outside with them).

I was incredibly impressed with young men and women who were standing outside with these signs... and even more so at the amount of honking from passing cars. Wow. I have never experienced anything like that before. Kudos for being vocal about supporting Prop 34 (which will end the death penalty here in California), BAHS! (FYI: The L.A. Archdiocese has something on their webpage on it as well.)

While thinking about how great it was to see young people being enthusiastic about something they believed in, I thought back about how we, as humans, usually don't think about things like the death penalty. The students from BAHS were supporting life the way God intended -- from the womb to the tomb.

For obvious reasons, I am against the death penalty. When I say I'm pro-life, I mean I'm PRO-LIFE. I think it's horrible to kill people whether they are innocent human beings in their mother's womb or whether they've made mistakes in their lives and have taken the lives of others. If Bl. Pope John Paul II could forgive the man who attempted to assassinate him, why can't we pray for those who have committed horrific crimes? I am not condoning what they've done in any way. I know that losing a loved one hurts, especially when at the hands of someone else, but why must we contribute more hate and/or evil in a world that already sees way too much of it?

So, on this All Souls Day, I am going to pray for ALL the souls -- those who have died, those who are in Purgatory, those who are yet to be born, and those of us who need to get closer to God. I pray that those who have passed will help us learn from their mistakes and that those who are close to God will pray that we may stay on the path to becoming saints one day.

Anyway, just random thoughts that popped into my mind on this day that I wanted to jot down. The little lady I tutor will soon get here so I really should skedaddle.

Hope y'all are having a great week thus far. :D If you have any prayer requests, let me know; I'm a novena machine at the moment.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

All Souls' Day; Dia de los Muertos

That is my father's grave marker after we decorated it for All Souls' Day. We were keeping the Mexican tradition of Dia de Los Muertos (my father was Mexican-American... Mexican born, naturalized American) in which add some of the person's favorite things, when they were living, to the grave. All foods and candles were strictly forbidden by the cemetery so we couldn't decorate it any more. Since we couldn't put a coffee cup, his favorite thing in the world after his cars, we added pinwheels which he thought were fun (he was a kid at heart.) One of them has the Mexican flag on it in honor of our Mexican heritage.

The day itself was a pretty deal for us, especially since this is the first time we really celebrate it. As soon as we found out that all the Catholic cemeteries in the Los Angeles Archdiocese were going to have Mass at 10 a.m., mom and I decided to go in honor of dad's memory. It also helps that dad is buried at the San Fernando Mission Cemetery so we would be able to visit him after the Mass without any problems. Of course, that meant that I'd have to miss my Philosophy course but I didn't care. I was going to go to that Mass and my love of arguing with my professor wasn't going to stop me. I am so happy that I made that decision because it was only one of most beautiful experiences I've ever had.

The Mass was... beautiful, and bilingual. I was able to pray and sing hymns in both English and Spanish. There were many priests, representing the parishes around the San Fernando Valley, including Fr. Stan (who was my spiritual adviser until he was assigned to a different parish) and Fr. James (who is the new Irish-American priest at our parish). The sat in the sun, while the rest of us were in the shade. They said the reason for that was that they were doing penance for us. God bless them; it was over 90 degrees Fahrenheit and the sun burned. The hymns that were sung were lovely and appropriate. "Ave Maria" was sung in Italian and I teared up a bit because the woman put so much emotion into the song. I loved that they really focused on what the feast day was all about. The presiding priest, Fr. Steven Guitron (of Guardian Angel Church in Pacoima), gave a beautiful homily in which he talked about souls, purgatory, and trying to lead saintly lives so that we can, one day, enter Heaven and be with the Lord. He added things in both English and Spanish that I wish everyone there understood because it was a lovely message. Mom and I both received the Eucharist at the Mass and it all just felt... so right. Before the Mass ended, they thanked us for going to Mass and praying for the deceased. They concluded with Psalm 55:6, "Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest." As soon as that was said, they let about a dozen doves fly, surprising everyone in attendance. Many of us, both men and women, shed tears at how beautiful it was. (btw, I'm well aware that I'm using the word "beautiful" a lot but I honestly can't think of a better word for this experience.)

After Mass was over, we went back to visit dad's grave (where we first stopped before Mass). On our way there, we passed Ritchie Valens' grave. My mom is a big fan of the song "Donna" so it was interesting for her to see where the composer/singer of one of her favorite songs was buried. After passing by his grave, and praying for his soul, we went to daddy's grave to decorate it. As you saw in the picture, we really decorated it and would've probably added more things if we were able to. We didn't add marigolds, which is the tradition in Mexican cemeteries because my mother didn't want to do. I did but I was vetoed for once. lol. As we were decorating it his grave, I thought about how much I was like... what I'd learned from him... how much I missed him... how much he would always be a part of my life even though he's no longer physically here. All in all, it was a great experience and I look forward to doing it every year.

Whatever you did for All Soul's Day, I hope you remembered all the loved ones you've lost and remember that they'll always be with you. As Fr. Steven reminded us at the Mass, we may not see them, but they're looking out for us... helping us (through intercession) as much as they are able to, much like saints and blesseds.

That's all for now. I hope everyone had a great weekend. :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.