Holding Mama Mary's Hand

If you're following me on social media then you might've already seen me asking for prayers over the weekend. I had a lovely week -- made lovelier by good news from the doctor -- but things started to fall apart on Saturday. For once, I'm keeping the exact details to myself; only a few close friends know the full extent of what's going. Let's just say that it's a mix of a new health (heart related) worry for me, seeing things happening to Mom that are beyond her control and completely unjust, and a number of other things that created the perfect storm of intense anxiety.

I literally could not sit still for more than 4 seconds most of Saturday evening and night. I would sit down and immediately bolt up and pace the length of my apartment. That's how intense the anxiety was. You'd think that I'd eventually calm down enough to sleep it off, right? Big fat "nope." Our new next-door neighbors decided to throw a party on Saturday night that lasted until the wee hours on Sunday morning. After they calmed down, I was still so wound up that I just couldn't fall asleep. Having to get up at 4 a.m. that morning was a massive pain after sleeping very little. While my anxiety got a bit better during the day, I still couldn't fall asleep last night and, again, slept very little.

I've tried taking naps yesterday and today but it hasn't gone smoothly. During the first hour or two of the attempted naps, I've kept waking up (and sitting up) suddenly just as I was drifting off to sleep. I knew I had things to do both yesterday and today but I simply couldn't stay sleep, no matter how exhausted I've felt. Finally, I remembered the words that one of my best friends said to me when I told him what was going on and what my fears were: "Clutch our Mother's hand." I got the idea of holding Rosary beads in my hand as I tried to rest and both times that I've done it I've been able to drift to sleep and rest for at least an hour.

Has anyone been in a similar situation in which their minds and/or their hearts were troubled with something and nothing was helping ease the worry? I pray the Rosary on a daily basis but I sometimes don't feel at peace as quickly as I'd like. I'm not sure if holding the Rosary beads helps me drift off to sleep because, psychologically, it's a sort of security blanket during times of trials or if it's because Mama Mary is there with me, helping ease my anxiety. I'd like to think it's the latter. All I know is that imagining that Mama Mary is, in a way, holding my hand while I feel helpless and alone (when I'm physically alone) is very soothing. I've often wrapped Rosary beads around my hand when I've had horrific anxiety attacks but this is the first time I've held them to help me fall asleep.

By the way, please don't say "don't worry!" or "trust in the Lord" because, as well-meaning as they may be, I really don't want to hear those words. It makes me feel like a complete failure when my anxiety gets so bad that I can't stop worrying. I do try but sometimes it gets overwhelming. I ask God for help and I do trust Him but sometimes the mind is weak, especially when it's sleep deprived and can't think rationally.

Anyway, this was a quick blog post to share this in hopes that this may help someone else in a similar situation. If you can't pray the entire Rosary or even a decade, I highly recommend holding a strand of Rosary beads and praying any way you can. Even if it's as simple as "Lord, have mercy on me" or "Blessed Mother, pray for me" -- prayers don't have to be fancy as long as they come from the heart.

I should go eat something... and study. I really hope my anxiety (and the issue that is causing my anxiety) get better soon because I have two exams coming up next week and I really need to concentrate. Ain't nobody got time for your shenanigans, anxiety!

To those who've prayed and continue praying for me: thank you! I know that it's due to all your prayers that I haven't had a full-blown panic attack because this situation is intense and I would've already had a major attack by now.

I hope everyone had a lovely weekend and that you have a great week! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Happy 4th!; Morning Mass; Prayers; Last Day of Giveaway

I want to wish all my fellow Americans a Happy Independence Day (a.k.a. "Oh, you mean the 4th of July!", lol). Let us all thank and pray for all the brave men and women, past and present, who've risked (and continue to risk) their lives in order to protect this country and to help maintain our freedom. :) Fr. Stan said some lovely words about the significance of today in the 7 a.m. Mass. It was one of those things where you wish you had some sort of recording device to share with everyone. All those in attendance said a prayer for those in the armed forces. :)

Have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE morning Masses? It's the one thing about school that I will miss... along with the deposits they refuse to return to me. In all seriousness, I love starting my mornings with prayers... especially if I get a chance to do it at a parish. I haven't been to a morning Mass (that wasn't on a Sunday, of course) since I was about 19 years old, usually because of classes or other things I have to do in the morning. Going to today's Mass made me realize how much I miss going during the week. I am going to try to attend Mass as often as I can... and hopefully I'll be able to a couple of times during the week, if not every day. :) Oh, and because I'm often asked, YES, I DID wear my mantilla (chapel veil). I wasn't the only one either. There was another woman who wore one as well. :D I was, however, the only person under (maybe) 50 years-old at the Mass. lol. :)

After Mass, I spent nearly an hour just praying for my family, friends, and anyone who asked and/or needed it. My knees don't hurt as much as I thought they would from all the time I was kneeling. :D I prayed the Rosary, the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, a couple of prayers to different saints for different intercessions (see, twitter people? I came through for those who asked. heehee. :D) Before I began to pray, I got the idea of keeping a book with a list of all the prayer requests I get (you'd be surprised how many emails I've gotten from people who have found me through this blog and/or twitter) so that every time I'm at church I can pray for y'all in front of the Tabernacle. Any time any of you want/need prayers, please do not hesitate to ask me. I'd be more than happy to pray for y'all. :D If it's to a particular saint, I'll ask for their intercession. If it's a novena, Rosary, or chaplet, I'll do it. It makes me very happy to be able to pray for others. :D

Alright, I'm going to go enjoy the Love Comes Softly series movie marathon that's on the Hallmark Channel all day today. I'm a sucker for these movies. lol. It's not all romance for all you chick flick haters... you know who you are. There is love, but most of it has to do with the love between families and their faith. Really great message. :)

Don't forget that today is the last day of the Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati giveaway. You guys have until 11:59 p.m. PST to enter. Oh, and someone please remind me to tell Fr. Stan how to pronounce his name; he had a bit of a problem with it today. :D I'm going to miss Fr. Stan when he gets transferred to another parish in a couple of days. :(

Oh! And, for those who ask me on a daily basis how dad's doing: I talked to my mom about an hour ago. He ate all his oatmeal and drank all of his coffee... and was able to hold it down. Yeah!!! He's doing so much better than yesterday too. If there was ever a day for him to be alright, it's today. :D

Okay, that's enough stalling. I hope everyone has a great, blessed day... and that some of you don't overdue it with the food at picnics today. lol. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

On the Day of Our Lady of the Rosary...

As I've often written, I am a BIG fan of the Rosary. In fact, I count Rosaries as one of the best gifts someone can give me. One of the best presents I've gotten this year? An emerald bead Rosary. :D I carry one with me wherever I go. Whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed -- emotionally or physically -- I can always count on feeling like a huge weight is lifted by simply praying the Rosary. Though I am feeling exhausted and I have a lot to do today, I'm going to take time out to pray the Rosary twice today. From this day on that will be a personal goal of mine; to pray the Rosary once in the morning and once at night every day no matter what I have going on. (side note: I sometimes pray the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy after the Rosary as well.) It will help me concentrate on my faith and take the focus off myself and my problems (it's so easy to go down the selfish, "woe is me" path when you're stressed and sick). So that is what I'm going do. I'm going to finish my email rounds, log off, pray the Rosary, and then study.

I hope everyone will take time off to pray the Rosary at least once today. :D And, if you need a Rosary, you can always make one... there's the Rosary Army website that will show you how. They also have a podcast and other things on the site. :D

But, before I go... I'd like to share this video I found on youtube of Dame Vera Lynn singing "The Rosary". I was looking for the Perry Como version of the song because it's the one I usually listen to but couldn't find it. Oh well. At least Dame Vera does a beautiful rendition of it! :D



Oh, and before I forget... in regards to yesterday's blog: I went to the optometrist and the problem has been solved! WHOO! :D

Alright, I'm off to finish emails and then spend time with one of my Rosaries. :D I hope everyone will have/has/had a great day. :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.
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