Why I Decided to Leave "Catholic Twitter"

No, that isn't a clickbait title; I really am going to tell you why I decided to leave "Catholic Twitter."

First, I want to say that this blog post (though not the decision which was made weeks ago) was inspired by this Twitter thread by an online friend who seems to have had a similar experience to mine.

I've been on Twitter for over a decade. "But your account is only months old!" you may argue, looking at my account details. If this is you, you're a new follower who didn't know me as "nerdwriter"... the girl who refused to use her actual picture as her avatar... who was known as "Emmy" for years before she used her given name. My current account is a second public account I created after I deleted my first one, which I had from January 2008 until October 2017. I probably would've stayed off of Twitter for good except I returned to freelance writing and I needed a public social media account.

In the decade-plus I've been on Twitter, I've seen the evolution of "Catholic Twitter." In the beginning, there were a couple of us who were Catholics and found each other and made a little online community. Matthew Warner (creator of Flock Note) created a list of Catholic folks on Twitter and we all begin following other Catholics. We were a nice, little group for a while before Twitter really exploded.

I still remember the "great flirt-a-thon" of 2010 and again in 2012-13 when single Catholics were testing each other to see who fancied each other. I managed to survive that, thankyouverymuch. lol. I remember the camaraderie... the support... the laughter. I remember the hours-long conversations some of us had between 2009 and 2012. I remember the massive support I got when my father passed away in July 2009. I still get warm fuzzies thinking about the congratulations when I (finally!) graduated college after years of putting off my degree to help take care of my dad as well as taking care of myself. Those days have been long gone and I do miss them.

Some of you may be new to Twitter so you may not remember a time when "trad" Catholic Twitter, "weird" Catholic Twitter, "liberal" Catholic Twitter, and *insert adjective* Catholic Twitter didn't exist but it existed. None of us judged each other based on our liturgical preferences. When we disagreed, it was done respectfully. There were no memes, no ridiculous online lingo, and (most importantly) no division.

I'm not sure when "the great divide" occurred but it's only gotten worse in recent years. Sometimes I feel like I can't say anything because I'll get attacked... and I do, sometimes. I will ask or say something without malice or bad intention and someone will twist my words and make it into something ugly. I hate that. I love people and can usually let things slide but, golly, even I have my limits.

Several weeks ago, I was attacked over something that was so insignificant and innocent that I knew I had to leave "Catholic Twitter." Of course, you can't actually leave it in a physical sense but I've opted to be careful about who I follow (muting account and unfollowing others). I don't pay attention to all the tweets I see on my timeline either because some of it is just toxic to my spiritual life.

Look, I get it. I get looking for and following people with whom I agree with because they understand you. I know how much "easier" life is when you surround yourself with like-minded people. However, it can also become dangerous. You can beginning thinking that your way is right and the other person is wrong; "how are *insert name* think that?!"

I make it clear that I prefer the Extraordinary Form Mass. If I can't get one, a solemn OF Mass will suffice. I don't like the clapping, the music, and a number of other things but I will take one of those Masses over no Mass at all. Still, if I can get myself to a Latin Mass, it's my preference by a long shot. I veil or, at the very least, keep my head covered with a beret, scarf, or hat. Sure, I also prefer the "feminine way of dressing" (read: dresses and skirts) as well, which somehow is associated mostly with the "trads." I prefer the "traditional" in my liturgical preferences so I say I "lean trad" but that's as far as I'll go in labeling myself... and I'm still not comfortable doing it.

I don't align myself with the "trad" community online because of poor experiences I've had in recent years. I won't hash things out. I'll just say that, spiritually, it's unhealthy for me to only read blogs, interact with social media accounts, and/or surround myself with "rad trads" that lean so far right that there's a lot of mud-slinging at other Catholics and even Pope Francis. Do I agree with everything he says and does? No, but, whether you like it or not, he's still the Pope so let's show a bit of respect for him as the vicar of Christ, huh?

I also don't align myself with the "liberal" community. Sure, I believe in purchasing ethically (which is apparently a pet cause of the "Catholic left") but it has more to do with upholding the dignity of the human beings that create and/or harvest goods I purchase. This will be a future blog post itself. I still wear pants which is apparently a "trad Catholic" no-no. Sorry, but I need my sweats when I drive my mom to work at 4 a.m. during the winter months. Likewise, I wear shorts (albeit, Bermuda style that go down closer to the knees) because heat and I don't mix. This is also a "no-no" in some trad Catholic circles and I'll get called out for it. I believe in respect for my fellow human beings despite differences in our beliefs. That doesn't mean I'm also not above respectful fraternal correction when it comes to official Church matters; I just do it in a way that would make St. Francis de Sales (the "gentleman saint") proud.

And here's the thing: there's virtually no middle ground on Twitter or, really, online. You either lean one way or the other. If you opt to do what I have -- and refuse to "join" either side -- you're basically ostracized because of the whole "us versus them" mentality. If you say you like the Latin Mass, "Oh! Trad!" If you mention ethical purchases or "green" products, "Definitely liberal!" It's like we're in high school all over again. Good grief, y'all!

That's why I decided to leave "Catholic Twitter" and why I rarely interact on Twitter these days. It's not worth it. I will continue to tweet links to articles I think others will appreciate. I will continue to share saint quotes that speak to me (and which I think others need to hear; I feel you, Holy Spirit). I will also try to interact when things are calm but I have no qualms about "bolting" if things get heated and arguments pop up. I refuse to buy into that kind of mentality.

I'm not judging you if you have decided to align yourself with one of these online communities; I'm just saying why I decided not to. I can easily fall into scrupulosity and I can have a short temper on my off days (doesn't happen often but it can) so I'd rather not risk it. Being on social media -- and especially Twitter -- for too long usually means I have a lot more to add to my list for the confessional. I don't like it. For my own spiritual wellbeing, I'm going to "do me" and try to share things that I think (and hope!) will glorify God in some small way and not get into it with anyone else.

Anyway, I've been wanting to say something about this for a while but I didn't get the courage to do it until now. That and the time; I'm short on time sometimes. ;)

That's it for now. OH! Novel sequel sale ends tomorrow! I was forgetting about that. lol.

I hope you all had a lovely weekend and have a great week!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

A Lovely Start to My "Jesus Year"

I celebrated the beginning of my "Jesus Year" yesterday -- the big 33! For a little over 24 hours, I had the most beautiful day. I don't know how else I can describe it.

From the moment I woke up, I was inundated with such lovely messages from friends. I mean, I cried happy tears within the first 15 minutes that I was awake. That has to be some sort of record for me. lol.

There was also so much laughter (to the point of tears!) throughout the day, especially within the first hour of my waking up. 

I didn't do anything extraordinary or anything I had planned. I had wanted to go to confession the day before, Mass the day of, and get a cupcake at some point. Instead, I got lunch at my favorite burger joint followed by my favorite sorbet at Menchie's. I spent the majority of my day in my pajamas, at home. It sounds boring but it was anything but.

I'm a people person... a social introvert. My love language is quality time. Although most of my friends are spread across the States and abroad, I felt so loved and blessed by all of them. Sure, there were messages on social media, well wishes on my phone, and I didn't see many people yesterday but it's the quality of the messages that made my day special.

I'm a simple gal. I don't need physical gifts to be happy. A few genuine and kind words are enough to make me the happiest lady. Add prayers said for me by friends (and strangers!) and you have an exceptionally happy me. 

I know if I had gone to confession and Mass, it would've topped my 20th birthday (and a day-long trip with my best friends to Disneyland) as my favorite birthday of all time. Alas, it didn't happen but I still felt God's love throughout the day. I also have no doubt that our Blessed Mother also interceded so that I would have at least one good day for my birthday since I'm in the last couple of days before my consecration. 

Thank you to everyone who made it a special day for me!

And if you're wondering why I get really into my birthday, it's not because the day is all about me. Despite all the things I endure during the year (and I've had some whoppers some years), I manage to make it to another year on this earth. That is why I'm especially happy about the day. I celebrate another year that God has blessed me with and it's a tremendous gift.

Anyway, I just wanted to make a record of this day somewhere where I can revisit it if I ever need to be reminded of what a lovely day I had. :)

Don't forget that the novel sequel is on sale until 8 a.m. PT on June 5th! Also, thank you to those of you who got yourselves copies yesterday. Yes, I saw the numbers yesterday. Thank you! :D

I hope you all having a good rest of your week!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

 

Will and Lina Novels On Sale Starting Today!

Just a quick post to let y'all know that both of the Will and Lina books are on sale starting today. I usually have them on sale twice a year (May and December) to correspond with their release dates. I've been so preoccupied with a bunch of stuff that I missed the anniversary sale at the beginning of this month so now you're getting it for my birthday.

Will and Lina: When Two Worlds Collide (1st book) will be on sale from today through May 30th on Amazon through this link only (there are two separate listings for it): https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00R6A1DHQ

Will and Lina: London Calling (sequel) will be on sale from May 30th through June 5th through this link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00RC56PAK

Just a couple more details about the sale:

• They will be on sale for 99 cents during their promotional dates. After that, they'll go back up to $3.99.
• The sales end at 8 a.m. PST on the last day listed.
• The sale is for the eBooks only. 
• You don't need a Kindle to read them; you can read them on your laptop, phone, tablet, etc. as long as you download the Kindle app from Amazon.
• For the first novel, use that link only. When people search for it, they get the results for the version that Amazon botched up and not the one that I fixed.

Okay, that's it. 

Oh! Wait... disclaimer: my audience is young Catholic women between the ages of 17 and 24 but (thus far) none of the male readers have grumbled too much about them (lol!). I wrote these books in my early to mid-late 20s so don't read them with high expectations; I've grown a lot of a writer since then. You've been warned.

Maybe this sale will be my motivation to finish the third novel before my self-imposed June 20th publication date. Stay tuned. ;)

I hope y'all have a lovely (long) weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

When the Obstacles Seem Insurmountable...

Lately, my life has been one long journey through a dark, stormy abyss. Think of Atreyu's journey in The Neverending Story. Instead of letting the Swamp of Sadness swallow me whole (R.I.P. Artax the horse), I've been doing what I can to keep myself afloat but it hasn't been easy.

As your regular blog readers know, it's been a hard time for my family. Between financial difficulties and a number of other problems (across the board; not just limited to Mom and me), it's been a long string of stresses.

I'm the one who keeps the household budget (I'm good with numbers and puzzles/conundrums) so I know the most about how bad our situation is. I try to cut out unnecessary expenses and try to figure out where we can save and where we simply cannot skimp. With random things popping up (e.g. unexpected car repairs), I'm constantly trying to figure out where we can come up with the money and what needs to wait until next month. It's a gigantic headache (sometimes literal) that I deal with at least twice a week.

Having no car has meant no confession or Mass. The nearest parish doesn't have Saturday confession and -- when it does offer confession -- it's too late in the day to safely walk to and from it so that makes going to confession hard as well. I hope to get my car back later today... and that the financial strain isn't too bad. We had to put off getting it repaired for a month (I've basically been stuck at home since mid-April) because we simply had no spare money that wasn't put aside for necessities. I got it towed to our mechanic's garage on Tuesday and I'm expecting a call at some point today to let me know the extent of the damage to our meager monthly savings. Please say a prayer it doesn't go over the halfway point of the triple digits because we won't be able to afford that.

Sometimes I wonder how on earth I'm going to make it through x, y, z (because things happen in multiples, not one at a time) with my sanity intact. Worries on top of worries on top of worries. It's like an endless cycle with no light at the end of the tunnel.

Sometimes all of these things also affect my spiritual life. If I'm not careful, the devil knows exactly how and when to attack. Not having been able to go to Mass and confession has only added to the hardships. I don't know why but I have a feeling that going to confession and receiving the Eucharist will somehow help. I'm not being superstitious; it's just a gut feeling that I have.

Thankfully, the consecration preparation, holy water, and my prayer life have helped... big time.

Every morning I do the Consecration to Mary prayer ("My queen, my mother, I give myself entirely to thee..."), which was recommended by one of our local FSSP priests when he came over to pray for me the day after my car accident a couple of years ago. Then I read the daily Mass readings, use the reflections sent to my inbox by Bishop Robert Barron and Blessed Is She. Then I pray the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary. During my consecration preparation, I've added the daily reflections in the 33 Days to Morning Glory book to this routine.

I also pray a variety of novenas, prayers, and/or the Rosary and the Rosary confraternity prayer throughout the day but, more often than not, I do them at night with my nighttime routine. Again, I use the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary and examine my conscience before I call it a night. If there is something I missed doing in the morning (e.g. consecration preparation or daily Mass readings), I will also do it at this time.

I make use of the holy water we were given by one of our local FSSP priests (when he's been over to the house to bless it for Epiphany) throughout the day. In the morning, before I leave the house (especially if I have to drive), at night... if I feel like I need it, I will use it.

I think I'm so used to my routine -- used to trying to cling to my faith during these times of chaos -- that if I miss something at some point, I feel more vulnerable in a way. Not to the point of superstition, scrupulosity, or anything like that. I just tend to notice any deviation from my routine... and it's this routine that helps remind me that I shouldn't be egocentric.

It's so easy to get caught up in your worries. I've personally found myself being pulled more into my own thoughts, my own feelings, my own hardships. I don't like that I think more about myself and what is going on with me than about others and/or about God... but it's hard. And, okay, I know some of my good friends are currently ready to file a formal protest for having said that -- I've even had priests tell me I'm too hard on myself -- but I truly feel selfish during these times and I don't like it. I think that's why I hold onto my prayer routine very closely; it's a good reminder that whatever I'm going through is not up to me to "fix."

Sometimes these obstacles seem insurmountable. That's when I have to remember that God is ultimately in charge of everything, not me. Never have the words "Jesus, I Trust In You" been uttered as much as they have in this household before. Never has putting my money where my mouth is been as important as it has been in recent weeks/month. Never have I have challenged in every way as I have lately.

1 Peter 5:7-10 has resonated so much as it has during these trials... especially when I was asked to wait to become a Benedictine oblate; to "revisit this in a couple of months to make sure this is what (I) really want." The evil one knows that this is what I most wanted lately and I won't let the small obstacle get and keep me down.

Yes, life is hard. Yes, it feels like the walls are caving in around me. Yes, it oftentimes feels like things will never get better; that this is just what my life is going to be like from now on -- one bad thing after another. Yet, Scripture (and the saints) says otherwise. The only thing I can do is trust that God will get me through it and that He will give me the courage, the strength, and whatever graces are necessary to get through this time.

I don't see an end to all I've been enduring lately but I think about the heavenly reward that awaits if only I would get my act straight and that's enough to keep me going; to keep me fighting against temptations. It's hard. Some days I just feel like laying in bed and sleeping all day. I can't let that happen. I won't let that happen. Most importantly, I know that God has my back and that's worth everything.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts lately.

I hope you all had a lovely week and that you have a great weekend as well!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

My Consecration Journey Begins Today

Today is the day I've waited for years.

I've been wanting to do a total consecration to Jesus through Mary using both the True Devotion to Mary by St. Louis de Montfort and 33-Days to Morning Glory by Fr. Michael Gaitley books for years. I was able to borrow the former from the library and the latter was a gift from a good friend so I am set... and I can barely contain my excitement!

I thought long and hard on what feast day I wanted to do the consecration. In earlier years, it had been on the feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel because I wear the brown scapular and have dear friends who are Carmelites. Then I considered doing it on the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe since I'm Mexican-American. It eventually came down to choosing between the feast of the Visitation and the feast of the Immaculate Heart of Mary.

When people found out that my birthday is on the day before the feast of the Visitation (and I was nearly born on the feast day since I was born on the night of the 30th), pretty much everyone tried to persuade me to consecrate myself on that day. It would be a good way to start my 33rd year; my "Jesus Year." However, I ended up choosing the feast of the Immaculate Heart because of my devotion to her.

My devotion to the Immaculate Heart started years ago. There's something about the thought of her Immaculate Heart -- so beautiful, so pure, so loving, even in sorrow -- that has always held a special place in my own heart. I've even had a picture of her (first over my bed and now over my desk in my office) since I was a child. It's now old and faded but I love looking at it.

Whenever I have any "heart matters" (relationship matters), I do a novena to the Immaculate Heart. Her intercession has never failed to keep me from getting my own heart broken and has kept my (otherwise) hopeless romantic tendencies in check. If any of my friends wonder why potential suitors don't last very long, there's your answer. Their true intentions are revealed and/or they disappear before the novena even ends. Again, it's saved me from heartache. 

I've recently developed an interest in learning more about the Sacred Heart so it seems entirely appropriate that the last day of preparation ends of the feast day of the Sacred Heart. I'm currently doing a novena for a private intention to the Sacred Heart and, boy, it's been amazing how things change during it. I'm going to look into doing the enthronement of the Sacred Heart done this year because we (my family and I) could really use it after the intense year we've had thus far.

Despite my small worries about what might pop up during the preparation for the consecration (I've heard horror stories), I'm going to place all my trust in God and go forward with it. This is something I've wanted for literal years and it's something that I feel I need in my life. :)

Have any of you used both books for your consecration or renewal? If so, I'd love to hear about your experiences!

Before I wrap up this post, I just wanted to say a massive "thank you" to those of you who've prayed for me in recent days. Your prayers have been what have kept me from spiraling down into a hole of gloom and despair. I (and my family) have been tested in ways I would've never foreseen so your prayers have been lifesavers. May God reward you all!

I hope you all had a lovely weekend and that you have a great week!

As always, thank you for reading and God bless! :D