When People React Strongly to Your Blog Posts

Okay, wow... I did not expect the response I got from the blog post on Mental and Emotional Purity. Some of the comments were positive and I found out there were more like-minded people. Others were... not in agreement and made it known. I act felt attacked by a couple of comments but I tried to let it roll off of me because I knew what I had posted. I knew people were going to feel strongly about it but I also knew that I wanted to share my own thoughts. Still, I wasn't anticipating how much was misinterpreted.

I thought I'd made my thoughts clear in the post that those were my own thoughts and feelings on the subject. I thought I'd made it clear that I didn't have an issue with sex; I just don't want to hear about other people's experiences, especially when it gets graphic. I wasn't expecting for people to make me feel like there was something wrong with me for choosing to not want to hear or think about these things. I wasn't expecting people to throw (and I'm paraphrasing) "well, if you have an issue with chastity..." comments in my face. I wasn't expecting to feel as terrible as I did. But I did... and I had to remind myself that those were just other people's opinions and that I'm fine with my own thoughts because it's what I feel is right for me.

Funnily enough, no one talked about the issue of being careful with things like Hallmark movies or chick lit books. No, everyone focused on the part in which I mentioned sex. Go back and see for yourself... I talked more about the emotional part. No one touched that. It was interesting.

I've been reading Men, Women, and the Mystery of Love: Practical Insights from John Paul II's Love and Responsibility by Edward Sri and a lot of what I was trying to say in the blog post was written perfectly in the book. I haven't read anything on Theology of the Body and I'm still learning about human sexuality from a Catholic perspective -- I've only gotten an "education" on human sexuality from liberal professors at secular colleges -- but it all pretty much aligns with what my thoughts and feelings about it. (side note: If you haven't read the book, or Pope St. John Paul II's Love and Responsibility, I highly recommend both.)

I don't regret what I wrote because I wanted to be honest with my thoughts and feelings on the subject. It was also a wonderful conversational starter with some people who disagreed but wanted to talk more about where I was coming from. People who bothered to talk to me about what I had written -- to make sure they understood where I was coming from -- ended up knowing that I meant no harm in what I had written. Those who made their comments (some very harshly) and didn't bother to continue dialogue after speaking their mind and reading my responses, I'm not angry with y'all. I'm sad we couldn't talk about it in a civil way but it's okay.

I'm going to continue writing about my thoughts. I did warn everyone that this was going to happen. I'm going to lose readers like I lost Twitter followers a couple of days ago. That's fine. As I said a couple of days ago, I'm going through a lot of changes (including some big life changes) so I'm going to be writing about how I'm changing, which includes changes to my thoughts on certain topics. This isn't a challenge or me flipping the bird to anyone; I simply want to stay authentic.

Anyway, I wanted to clear the air for those who were/are still unhappy with what I wrote. Again, it wasn't a judgment about anyone (I made sure I included that disclaimer in the blog post; you can go back and read it for yourselves if you don't believe me); I was simply talking about why I've chosen to avoid speaking, seeing, or hearing about sex. That's it. I won't be expanding further on it because I feel like I'm talking about it enough. I may revisit the topic of human sexuality in the future (though not anytime soon; I have other things I wish to write about) and I hope that those who stick around to share my journey with me will remember that what I write about is about what affects me personally, no one else.

Since there is a break from the rain (we've had rain in L.A. over the past 24 hours or so), I'm going to go make a quick grocery run since the rain is supposed to come back -- and it's supposed to be heavier -- later today through tomorrow. Need to stock up on basics, especially since we're now a few days away from Christmas. Time has flown by this year. :)

I hope y'all are doing well. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Will and Lina Novels on Sale; Proceeds Being Donated

Copyright: Danica Clark Photography

Just a quick post to let y'all (not on social media) know that the Will and Lina novels are either already on sale (When Two Worlds Collide) and will be going on sale tomorrow (London Calling). I do this for the publication anniversary for both novels. London Calling will be celebrating 2 years of publication on Thursday. As per every May and December, I will be donating the proceeds. I had it in my heart to donate the royalties from this sale to the Monks of Norcia and their earthquake relief fund. Only the Kindle versions of the novels will be going on sale for 99 cents each but I will also donate anything earned from the paperback version (not on sale) as well. The sales go for a week each; Amazon has a "countdown deal" on the novel's individual pages so you know how much longer the sale will be going on for.

Will and Lina: When Two Worlds Collide (1st novel)
- Kindle: https://smile.amazon.com/Will-Lina-When-Worlds-Collide-ebook/dp/B00K2RBYJ2/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1482275622&sr=8-2
- Paperback: https://smile.amazon.com/Will-Lina-When-Worlds-Collide/dp/1505373727/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1482275622&sr=8-2&keywords=Will+and+Lina

Will and Lina: London Calling (2nd novel; on sale tomorrow morning)

- Kindle: https://smile.amazon.com/Will-Lina-Calling-Melissa-Cecilia-ebook/dp/B00RC56PAK/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1482275622&sr=8-1

- Paperback: https://smile.amazon.com/Will-Lina-Calling-Melissa-Cecilia/dp/1505487404/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482275622&sr=8-1&keywords=Will+and+Lina

I do have news about a future novel that I hope to share before the week is over. It's not part of the Will and Lina series but I do love the direction it's going in... and I love that the idea came to me while I was praying the Rosary novena a couple of weeks ago. ;)

Alright, that's it for now. I'm trying to finish Men, Women, and the Mystery of Love: Practical Insights from John Paul II's Love and Responsibility by Edward Sri. I'm hooked but haven't found the time to read it in large chunks of time so... gotta make that time. ;)

I hope everyone is having a lovely start of the week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Mental and Emotional Purity

Many people (who have excellent taste in films and shows) have been raving about The Crown on Netflix so, naturally, I wanted to watch it. I have Netflix for a couple more days (I got it for a month) and have been attempting to add it to my queue but it never showed up. I wondered why I kept adding it without success. I thought it was a glitch on Netflix's end until I tried to watch it on my laptop as opposed to my TV (which is hooked to Roku and allows me to watch Netflix, Feeln, EWTN, etc). So, what was the reason? The Crown is rated TV-MA. TV-MA and rated R films are purposely blocked because I simply do not feel comfortable watching sex scenes and nakedness. A couple people on my Twitter feed said "oh, it's just the actor's naked backside for a scene or two" like it wasn't a big deal. I'm sure it isn't to them but it is to me.

I've already written about how I'm proud to be a "prude" (5 years ago) and even expanded on why I choose to forgo watching films, t.v. shows, and reading books that have sex scenes in a post earlier this year. For the tl;dr crowd: I have an active and vivid imagination that does not to have those images replaying in my mind, which I'll later have to go to confession for. I'm also terribly uncomfortable with it. Yes, sex is a beautiful and natural part of married life but I'm not comfortable with those images, either visually or mentally. Even though they are characters and actors paid to do their jobs, it feels like an invasion of privacy on an intimate moment meant for two people. I've gotten comments about how "ridiculous" I am for "being this way" but I don't care. If I'm not comfortable with something, I'm going to avoid it. I know myself better than anyone else does and I know where my weaknesses are. There's a reason why I threw away my Meg Cabot books earlier this year and why I'm going to end this year with another music purge like I did 3 years ago.

Let's go beyond sex scenes. We women tend to be emotional creatures by nature. Hallmark movies and chick lit give us unrealistic expectations about love and romance. They make us feel all warm and fuzzy. When you're a single woman, it's so easy to fall into the temptation to think "wow, I wish I could have that..." Yes, I can now watch Hallmark movies and not think that life is going to be like that because, well, it's not. It's easier now but, oh, it wasn't always easy for me to separate between the two.

If you can watch these things and are not as sensitive to them as I am, power to you. I'm not here to shame anyone who can watch or read these things and not have them affect them. I, unfortunately, cannot claim the same so I do what I have to do to keep some mental and emotional purity. I know, I know. Some of you have an issue with the phrase "emotional purity" but I'm going to use it for one good reason: I struggled with it earlier this year.

During the summer, when I had an anemic spiritual life, there was a young man who (still is) lovely but was all wrong for me for several reasons. (side note: I should also remind everyone that I was emotionally fragile during this time so it wasn't the ideal time for this to happen though, looking back at it, I'm glad it did.) I was on an emotional high for quite some time, which hasn't been normal for me as an adult but it's something I was not unfamiliar with as a teenager while away from the Church. I felt things a lot more intensely then (think Marianne Dashwood as opposed to the Elinor Dashwood my friends are more use to these days) than I do now because I've learned to practice a lot of self-control and I've learned to not get carried away with my feelings or my imagination. I momentarily forgot that for a couple of weeks and it was unhealthy for me. I actually felt like a teenager and not the 31-year-old young woman that I am. All those ideas I got from books I read and movies I watched years ago came flooding back into my mind. "Wouldn't it be lovely if this happened...?" "Wouldn't it be romantic if...?" Does anyone see where I'm going with this and why I chose, years ago, to avoid things that could later be brought up in my mind when I'm having a moment of weakness? No, my thoughts didn't necessarily go there but they could've easily gone there if I hadn't exercised some degree of control (the little that I had at the time) over my imagination.

Yes, it's really dumb and I'm not proud of it but the evil one knows where my weaknesses lie. My emotions and my heart (hopeless romantic, party of one) are two of my biggest downfalls when I let my guard down. This young man, as lovely as he is, was a massive temptation to my emotional health. What I felt for him was so strong (or so it seemed; emotions can trip you up) that my imagination went into overdrive with romantic ideals. It's an INFP downfall; we're too idealistic and too prone to live in a fantasy world if we're not careful... and I wasn't for a while. Everything I worked hard to control over the years flew out the window. It didn't last too long, thank goodness.

I confided in those I feel closest to and I'm sure their prayers were what helped me get out of this ridiculous state of mind. I made the decision to nip it in the bud, as hard as it was. It took a couple of weeks but I was able to get out of that state of mind and back to normal. This happened months ago (during the summer) but I struggled with these thoughts again late last month through earlier this month when they resurfaced during the 54-day Rosary Novena I'm doing. However, this time I understood that it was because of the nature of one of my intentions for the novena so it was easier (time-wise) to overcome it.

So, you see, this is why I continue to be cautious and keep myself from watching things that can end up kicking my tush in the future. Yes, I'm uncomfortable watching sex scenes and naked people because it's how I was raised but I also know that it can be a weakness for me. I have a feeling there are more people like me out there but who are embarrassed to admit this (which was not easy for me to do). It is what it is. Know yourselves. Keep in mind your strengths and weaknesses. Don't ever be too comfortable with your own perceived power/abilities because temptation can be a lot stronger than you think. Evil doesn't take a day off. It will catch you off-guard. Prayer, remembering that you need God during these moments of weakness, and lots of moral support from people you trust are key during these times.

Alright, I think that's enough gut spillage for now. I'm going to go hide or something. lol. ;)

I hope y'all had a lovely work week and that you have a lovely weekend! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Blog Changes

When I first started this blog, on Christmas Day 2007, I had no idea that I would continue to be blogging nearly a decade later. I started to write because (at the time) there were no Catholic blogs talking about the faith with issues such as anxiety, illness, and other topics that people seemed to not be comfortable talking about. I wanted to give a voice to those who were too afraid to talk about dealing with these issues on a personal level. A lot of my earliest readers found me by searching for "Catholicism and anxiety." Fast forward 9 years later, bloggers are more open than I am about their lives. Sure, I still share a lot (or it seems like I do ;D) but I'm not one of the only bloggers who are open about their daily struggles and how our faith is affected or enriched by them.

I've been thinking about it for a long time now and I've decided to open up on different topics that I normally shied away from... and be a little more open and honest in general. That's not to say I haven't been honest in my blog posts -- I have -- but I've also edited myself a lot out of fear of judgment or offending people. I've slowly been doing this in recent months (I'm sure some of you have noticed) but it's going to be a little more obvious in coming posts/weeks. I'm starting a new chapter in my life and I want to be able to talk about it without fear. If you don't end up liking the new direction, that's okay. I know I'm not a $100 bill; not everyone is going to like me or what I have to offer. :)

One of the big changes that I'm also making is that I'm no longer doing the annual "help me choose the patron saint for this blog" poll. After 8 years of doing this, I thought it was time for this change. This year, St. Joseph was the reader-chosen patron saint and it feels right that he be the last one chosen by a poll. After thinking about it for a while, I've chosen the Holy Family to be the permanent patron saints for this blog. I've developed wonderful devotions to the individual members of the Holy Family (as the Sacred Heart of Jesus, the Immaculate Heart of Mary, and St. Joseph) during this year so it seems fitting that they, as the Holy Family, continue to intercede for me so that I may write what might help others who stumble across this blog.

I'll be re-introducing novena posts (having daily novena prayers posted) throughout the year. I'm not sure which novenas I'll post/schedule during the year (starting next year) but I'll try to change them so that there's variety from year-to-year. I cleaned up the blog and website links and will be adding to them as I find the time. I think that's it... for now. Just a couple of layout and content changes. As I said, a new chapter in my life is beginning and I need to grow up and change with it. :)

Anyway, that's it for now. I really want to clean the apartment since it's been neglected while I studied for and took finals. Oops. I also have a lot of books to get through in less than a week that I borrowed from the library. A break from the online world for a couple of hours will do me good, especially considering I still have emails and other things to catch up on from the past couple of weeks. Those can wait a little longer. ;)

I hope y'all are having a great week thus far! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Resignation to God's Will and Survival

Wow. It's been two weeks since the last blog post. I don't think I've gone so long without writing a blog post since my father's death in 2009. If you're not following me on Twitter or any other social media platform than you might've not known that I was in extreme, crazy study mode for the past two weeks. I had three final exams over 4 days, the last two of which I did this morning. I'm behind on sending a friend Advent meditations (oops!). I have a lot of email content to get through from the past couple of days. I've been posting novena reminders later than I would've liked. I've just been really busy with studying for exams and the last couple of assignments to finish. However, I'm done... and I'm back!

I have my final grades already. I didn't fail single class though I will have to repeat two because of a B- or better policy that my school's program has. Yes, even though I was about 3% away from that B- (in the class in which a classmate plagiarized her part of the group research paper and sunk all the group members' grades), I still have to repeat it. It's okay. I'm at peace about the whole thing which, I believe, is a continuation of possibly having (finally!) learned to have complete trust and total surrender to God's will. I didn't get to study as much as I would've liked because I was constantly reminded that I needed to slow down and take care of myself in the days leading up to the finals. I slept 10 hours yesterday and had a bunch of stuff to do so I had little study time and I still managed an 81% of today's exam. Basically, I did what I could, I stopped relying solely on what I could do, and I trusted that I would pass the exams if it was God's will for me to continue down this path. I have to say, the results were pretty awesome. 

I could've gotten better grades and passed the two classes I have to retake but I've resigned myself to the idea that I did the best that I could under the circumstance and for that I'm glad. I didn't ask to have an acute kidney injury nor to have 3 heart holsters fitted during the semester. I didn't ask to have all the medical issues I had for the first couple of weeks of the semester, which manifested in the horrid symptom of intense fog, making it impossible to memorize the terms for and concentrate on the first couple of exams. I could be angry about what happened with the plagiarism and blame the classmate but I've chosen not to. Yes, it's completely unfair to be penalized for something I didn't do. Yes, it's going to push back my graduation date for another 6 to 12 months longer than anticipated. Yes, I'm going to have to chance my plans. However, I firmly believe that everything happened for a reason and therefore I'm just going to go with the flow. Things will work out for the best in God's time; I've done all I could do on my end. Next semester I'm doing 2 courses (and will continue the 2-course per semester pattern through graduation) I have to retake and just focus on those because of the amount of memorization it requires. 

The old me would've been stressed out because I have to repeat two courses... which means more student loans... which means it'll take longer for me to begin working. The current me is saying "thank goodness I'm going to have two courses I'm already familiar with and I'm glad the professor for one course will let me submit all the work I did this semester for next semester." The current me is more excited about the fact that I can enjoy the rest of Advent with a mental peace I've been aching for since the semester began. I'm not thinking about long term goals. I'm no longer feeling a little ashamed and pathetic for not finishing school when I wanted. I no longer feel like I have to prove myself and what I'm capable of doing (mentally). I'm not comparing myself to others. I'm letting my natural optimistic side take over. Optimism and resignation to God's will is a great combo for me. :)

Anyway, I just wanted to share this little (ha!) update since I had the time to blog. I only slept 4 hours last night so I think I should go take a nap before it gets later and the nap then interrupts my sleeping schedule, which is already of whack.  If there are terrible typos or missing words... I have the lack of sleep as my excuse. ;) I hope to blog more often now that I have an entire month free before the Spring semester begins. Yay! Oh, I'll be writing about my plans soon. ;)

I hope everyone had a lovely weekend! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D