Does Anyone Have Any Oblate Trip Fundraising Ideas?

It's official! I know where I will begin my Oblate novitiate in a couple of months! I'm so very excited!! I had done the St. Benedict novena for his first feast day of the year (March 21st) which ended less than a week ago for this very intention -- a clear sign to where God wanted me if it was His will that I become an Oblate. I also talked to a trusted priest -- who had given me much needed advice -- exactly one week ago. I have no doubt that it was the combo of the prayers of St. Frances of Rome (did a novena to her earlier this month), St. Benedict, our parish priest, my friends (who've been praying for me during the months I've been waiting to hear from the places where I had sent my inquiries) and from you lovely blog readers who might've said a prayer for me following the March 21st post about my impatience and my will vs God's will.

For months, I had been waiting to hear back from the Benedictine monastery where I hope to attach myself to. All that time spent waiting and praying helped me be sure that it was where God wanted me, not where I wanted to go for whatever convenient or selfish reason. There was another monastery I thought I would end up at but, for several reasons, it didn't work out. In hindsight, it was best for me because I think it could've potentially harmed my spiritual life more than helped it.

Now I have the exciting yet partially stressful task of planning the trip to the retreat where I will officially begin my novitiate. I'm excited about it for obvious reasons. This is something I've been praying and waiting for for over a year when I officially began sending inquiries to monasteries. As I've begun to incorporate the Benedictine spirituality and Rule into my life, I've seen so much more peace and purpose in my life. I can see how I'm growing, spirituality, though I never notice it until much later. As excited as I am, I have one big problem: I don't have the savings to make the trip.

As many of you know, it's just my mother and I and has been this way since my father passed away almost 10 years ago. With my health not being the best in recent years, work has been hard to come by since I can currently only work from home. I've had a slight relapse over the winter months (which makes sense; I have a severe vitamin D deficiency I've yet to recover from and it's been mostly rainy and/or cloudy this past winter) which has made even freelance writing difficult. Roughly 85% of my paychecks go towards helping my mother out with keeping the household financially afloat and 13% goes towards my student loan payments. If we have anything left over at the end of the month, it goes towards my savings but it's rare when I can put part of it into savings. Also, after a particularly disastrous financial month this month, my savings also took a hit so I'm left with enough for just one way to the retreat destination.

That's where I need your help: I need help figuring out fundraising ideas. If any of you know of someone who needs a writer, a proofreader, or anything I can do from home, please let me know! In the spirit of the Benedictines, I would like to work for what I earn. Transcribing is too time consuming and doing VIPkid would not work with my own fatigue since I never know when the fatigue will overwhelm me into slumber.

I've had people suggest a GoFundMe but I have nothing other than prayers to offer as a "thank you." I also have my mother's voice in my head, drilling into me (as a child) that I need to work hard for what I want; that I shouldn't take advantage of people by asking for help, even financially. It may be bordering on a pride thing but it's something that I've heard so much over the past 33 years of my life so I feel guilty even thinking about setting up an account.

Right now, I need to save up for the round-trip fare (I have a terrible fear of flying, especially if I'm going by myself, so I'll be looking up both train and flight fares), the $ I'll spend on food during the trip, for the actual retreat, and the car rental fee/Lyft costs when I arrive at my destination. I don't want to say when the trip is or where I'm headed for privacy issues but I do plan on blogging the experience after it happens. I'm also withholding which monastery I'll become a novice with from public knowledge for now, again, due to safety and privacy issues. Once the time of the trip comes, I'll share as many details as I can give. :)

So, does anyone have any ideas or know of anyone who needs a writer or proofreader? Please send me any leads you may have!

Alright, well, that's it for now. I'm going to go try to figure out Amtrak (and flight, gulp) fares and crunch some numbers.

I hope you're all having a lovely start of the week!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :)

Hearing God's Wisdom Through Others

I've been feeling pretty terrible the last two days. I'm fairly certain it's something I had to eat but the symptoms are kind of weird so I've had a couple of people suggest spiritual attacks. I started the Undoer of Knots novena yesterday so, who knows, it may just be that. Either way, even though I've felt plum awful -- especially this morning when it was so bad I actually reached out to friends to pray for me -- I've been grateful for this experience because it's led me to have amazing moments of clarity through the words of my friends.

I know I've talked about my best friend in the past but just in passing. God has blessed me with such a kindhearted bestie; a young woman who has the gentlest soul of anyone I've ever met. Ever meet someone who makes you want to be the best and holiest version of yourself; someone who believes that you're better than you think you are? She's that for me. If anyone is destined for sainthood, it's her.

Sometimes we go weeks without touching base because we're currently on two different continents and the time difference in a killer. However, God has blessed me with the opportunity to talk to her quite a bit the last couple of days and has, in turn, brought much-needed clarity on things I've been struggling with in recent weeks.

Due to the personal nature of them (and y'all know I don't like to talk about my most private life) and out of respect for her, I can't say what we talked about. However, I can say that I'm sure that the Holy Spirit used her to get me to open my eyes to things I was either blind to or in denial of. It's not the first time it's happened -- nor do I believe it will be the last time. And, to think, if it hadn't gotten very sick at 4-5 a.m., I would've missed out on being able to have a long conversation with her during the little free time she had!

She hasn't been the only one that I'm sure God has used recently to help me. Two other friends (whom I also consider some of my best friends) also helped me see that there were things holding me back from growing as a person and in my spiritual life; things that incited the feelings of intense fear. It wasn't until I talked to them (all 3) that I felt like God was telling me, "Do not be afraid. I will take care of you and I will help guide you."

I didn't write this post to brag about the amazing friends I have -- although, my goodness, I am completely unworthy of such friendships! The point of this blog was a gentle reminder to listen to others carefully. It's so easy to dismiss someone's advice or conversation, thinking they have no right to get involved in your time or, worse, think you know better than they do. It's that pride that pops up and can make you miss so many helpful things.

Of course, not all advice will be good. I've received more terrible advice than good. I think that's what occasionally causes me to let words go in through one ear and come out the other. That and pride. Still, I think some of us are so used to getting advice that isn't edifying that we tune out the good; that we fail to listen to God's voice through those who know us best.

I guess this is my public "thank you" to both my wonderful friends and, most of all, to God. During this time when I felt the most vulnerable (and I do feel it most when I'm so sick that I wonder if a trip to urgent care is in the cards for me), He was able to speak to me through those whose advice I most trust and value. Now I'm going to take what was said to me and put it into practice.

Anyway, just a little something I wanted to share. Oh, and please say a prayer for me if you can. Whether it's just a really, really bad case of indigestion and/or whether they're spiritual attacks, I could really use the smallest prayer if you can spare it. God reward you!

I hope you all have a lovely weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!

Impatience and My Plans vs God's Plans

Happy traditional feast of St. Benedict! I finished the novena for his intercession last night... but I won't tell you what I asked for until a bit later. ;)

Obviously, this "daily blogging" thing isn't going to work out this Lent. Boo! I really wanted to do it but God seems to have other plans for me, a theme that has been recurring for me these past 2 weeks. Well, longer than that but it's been more obvious lately. I make plans and God seems to have other plans for me... and that's perfectly fine.

I have plans to do all my work early in the week... other (slightly more important) things pop up, causing me to not write a single thing until the due date. Thankfully, I know what I'm going to write; I just need to find the time to write and submit the posts.

I have plans to blog... I end up not even touching my laptop for a couple of days due to all the things that pop up. Thankfully, I don't think anyone actually minds so I'm good.

I have plans to attend Mass on Monday afternoon... and I end up going to Mass Tuesday evening. Not that I minded; I ended up going on St. Joseph's feast day with good friends!

I plan to go to the library to return a book on Sts. Louis, Zelie, and Therese... and I'm met with lightning and thunder, forcing me back home until the following day. Yes, I paid the fine for being a day late, too. It ended up working out for me since I got to read more of the book.

I plan on getting a certain ingredient for something I'm craving... and I can't find it anywhere. Oh well. I ended up getting something else with more iron and other vitamins and will probably be better for me in the long run.

All of these are good reminders that my plans are never as good as God's plans for me. I've seen it before, several times. The most dramatic was me not being able to attend university in England as was planned, not knowing that my father would be diagnosed with cancer for a second time... and not knowing he would pass away from it.

Another costly example was me feeling that God was calling me down a certain career path and me, very obstinately, saying, "But God, I/my family needs X, Y, Z and I can't see how going down that path is going to help so I'm going to do A and/or B." I'm literally paying for that terrible mistake (read: student loans).

I'm currently struggling with having patience and trusting God in two areas of my life: where I am to become a Benedictine oblate and with the pangs of loneliness.

I've been discerning becoming a Benedictine oblate for over a year now and it's not really going anywhere. It's very frustrating, especially since I've never been more certain that this is what I'm meant to do. I talked to a priest I very much trust on the feast of St. Joseph (of all days!) and he agreed that it would be best for me to attach myself to a more traditional Benedictine monastery. That meant I had to discard the possibility of discerning with the monastery within the  L.A. archdiocese... and keep waiting to hear from one of the monasteries I've reached out to in the past year. One is within the U.S. and two are abroad. That means traveling... but I just don't know where I'm headed. It's hard to stay stagnant when you're sure of something...

... which is also how I've been feeling about my (large v) vocation. I'm the first to joke about being single and to admit that I'm actually pretty content being single but it's changed a bit recently. I'm sure it's because it's Lent but I've been feeling that pang of loneliness quite intensely these past two weeks. I feel like I'm stuck and I can't move forward no matter how much I try (and, trust me, I've tried despite my dislike of dating). I know it's all about God's timing but my human nature is feeling the ache and it's been weighing heavily on my heart, especially today. I'm sure reading about the lives of Sts. Louis and Zelie Martin this week didn't help very much. Not that I blame them -- they gave me major "relationship goals" -- but it's so hard to see (or read about) those who've been able to grow, spiritually, thanks to their taking their vocations seriously.

Is anyone else feeling the impatience of waiting for whatever God has in store for you more acutely during Lent? It doesn't even have to be a discernment to a third order or waiting for your future spouse. It can be waiting for a job promotion, for a child, or news on something important to you. If so, let me know (you don't have to tell me what it's you're waiting for) and I'll add you to my prayers list.

Anyway, just a quick little blog about my struggles so far this Lent. It seems like it's going to quite the "Lent-y Lent," doesn't it? lol. Oh! And please don't send me a cliche "trust God" and "all in His own timing" comment because 1) yes, I know, 2) I'm trying, very, very hard and 3) it actually makes me feel worse, not better.

I hope you're all having a lovely week thus far!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Getting Ridiculed for Innocence

We're having lovely spring-early summer weather so I'm sitting on the couch in the living room with the front door open. I can see the beautiful, cloudless blue sky as well as the lush green grass that is growing in our front lawn. I opened the windows to let the breeze and the sunshine in after weeks of cold and rain. "Sweet William (and Lily at the Valley)" by Nat King Cole is playing as I watch butterflies fly through the sky.

Ladies and gentlemen, this moment is complete bliss for me... and, thankfully, I'm not missing it by being on social media or on my cell phone. Insert dreamy sigh here. I'm SO ready for the official beginning of my favorite season (Spring!) next week. :D

Anyway, that's not why I'm blogging today. I'm blogging to comment on an article I read on the "Value of Innocence" on Verily's website. Trust me, how I started this blog is connected to this article...

The article got me thinking about how much I myself value it... and how I'm ridiculed for it. In fact, the more I read, the more I nodded and felt like the writer was a kindred spirit.

Those who know me know that I hate cussing/cursing. I see no need for it. There are so many other words in the English language that will do a better job at expressing negative emotions. When I stub my toe or get a painful injection, I tend to say, "Oh, son of a biscuit!" or "Oh, you flipping burger muncher..." Seriously, I've made many nurses and doctors laugh with my exclamations.

I prefer to keep what I watch, listen to, and read as "squeaky clean" as possible. I know I'm an adult and therefore can watch intimate/racy scenes in shows and movies but I don't like to. In fact, I will sometimes double check with friends who've watched something before I have to make sure it's something I would be comfortable watching. Even then, it takes me a while to "get" certain things said in films.

e.g. I can't watch a one-time favorite Gene Kelly movie, On the Town, because it took me a while to figure out what they were talking about. Yes, I'm serious. Just take a look at my favorite movie: Roman Holiday. I adore it and I prefer movies made before the 1960s because they tend to be a little cleaner than what's popular now.

Same with music lyrics. I tend to not listen to most modern songs for the same reason; there are so much profanity and crass remarks that make me uncomfortable. Also, my mind is so innocent (yes, I'm calling it for what it is) that I don't get the innuendos until much, much later on. At that point, I simply blush and am no longer able to listen to the song.

Now, before I go on, I'm going to say: this is all according to my preferences. I'm not saying you're a bad or sinful person if you have no issues with these things. I'm saying I have issues with them and I don't feel comfortable with them and that's why I will avoid them. Okay? Because I've had people rip into me for stating my preferences on social media before.

And what about that? I'm truly puzzled as to why my preferences bother people so much. If I state that I don't see the point to cussing or why I prefer not to see certain things, why do people feel the need to justify why they do it when I'm clearly talking about myself and not them?

I can't tell you how many times I've heard the words "prude," "Amish," "innocent" (in a hypercritical tone, accompanied with a stink face), "old-fashioned" and "holier-than-thou" thrown my way. I've been mocked and teased for my innocence. And, yes, I'll keep using that word because -- as the writer in the article wrote -- I'm going to try to do my part in trying to get people to stop using the word in a derogatory manner.

Look, I know it's "weird" for a 33-year-old woman to tend to like things that are considered innocent but I do. I'm not going to apologize for it, either. I know it seems like I'm doing it just to be counter-cultural or, even worse, to appear like I'm holier than others but it's just how I've always been. Seriously, ask anyone who has known me for over a decade and they'll confirm this fact. These are my preferences (have I stressed that enough?) and this is the kind of life I want to lead. Again, I'm truly puzzled as to why people get offended by my choices but it's something I encounter way more often than y'all would guess.

Anyone else in the same boat? If so, just know that you're not alone. We may seemingly be in the minority but we exist.

Kindred spirits, don't let anyone make you feel bad for your choices. Don't apologize when others aren't comfortable with your preferences.

Anyway, just something I wanted to share while I had the chance since I'm having a nice, leisurely day today. I'm about to go plan for tomorrow -- St. Patrick's Day -- since I'm serious Hibernophile. I'm so excited that the day finally landed on a Sunday during Lent since we get "mini-Easters" on Sundays during Lent. I don't know when it'll happen again so I'm going to make the most out of it!

I hope you all have a lovely weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!

When the Unexpected Happens

"You didn't blog for three days!" True.

"You were supposed to." Did I make it part of my Lenten penance? Yes. Am I going to beat myself over the fact that I went a couple of days without blogging? No.

Why? Because life happens.

Did I anticipate my mother getting injured and being at the hospital for more hours than we had anticipated on Tuesday? No. (side note: she'll be okay; she just has to allow herself time to rest as much as possible and it'll take a couple of weeks for her injury to mend. Please say a prayer for her since she's super active... and she still has to work despite her injury.)

Did I think that all of that -- and another hiccup that didn't let me sleep until 5 a.m. the next morning, thus leaving me more fatigued -- was going to make me fall behind on things that were more important than blogging or some of my other self-imposed Lenten penances? No.

Did I need yesterday to recover (read: get 11 hours of much-needed sleep), catching up on things I'd fallen behind on, and then unwind from the events of the previous days? Absolutely.

Life happens. This is why I'm trying to not let a schedule or routine box me in; because life happens and then I feel the (self-imposed) pressure to do what I planned for myself. This is something that is hard for me to let go of.

I like routines. I like to plan things in advance. When something happens and things don't go according to plan, I have a tendency to get frustrated and anxious about squeezing what I have written down in my planner into the little time I have left. Type-A problem? Most likely. But I'm trying to change.

I wasn't always this way. I think this started when I started suffering from panic attacks and social anxiety. My need for control over something -- anything! -- manifested itself in my planning things and carrying them out, no matter what. Since I felt out of control when I had the panic attacks, I clung to what I could control. While -- thanks be to God! -- I no longer have panic attacks (or, at the very least, very rarely), the habit has stuck around.

This happened at a time when I didn't trust in God... or even think about Him. It was at a time when I was away from the Church and was years away from reverting. It became a terrible habit that I still struggle to let go.

This is one of my Lenten penances -- letting go. Cue the Frozen song that seemingly everyone hates. lol. Seriously, though, it's not easy. It's years of a terrible habit that reminds me that I've yet to master the art of letting God have complete control of my life; to remind myself that I have no control over... and if I do have control over something, things can always change and that's okay.

When the unexpected happens, I'm learning to adapt to it... something I once was moderately good at doing. I'm learning to not make so many plans but to also be prepared for anything that may happen. It's an interesting balance -- being prepared but not having a backup plan... and a plan to the back-up plan.

Do I want to trust God more? Yes! Of course! Will it be easy with this terrible habit? No. But, then again, nothing worth doing is easy, right? There will always be obstacles on this journey to Heaven. This is where I put my money where my mouth is and trust God to send me the graces necessary to overcome this habit.

Do any of you struggle with this problem? Has anyone overcome it? If so, please feel free to send me your tips.

Anyway, these are my thoughts for the day... and an explanation for why I was M.I.A. from blogging for a couple of days.

Now, unto the articles that I have due today and this week (one of which I'm late on).

I hope your first week of Lenten has gone better than mine. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D