Getting Ridiculed for Innocence

We're having lovely spring-early summer weather so I'm sitting on the couch in the living room with the front door open. I can see the beautiful, cloudless blue sky as well as the lush green grass that is growing in our front lawn. I opened the windows to let the breeze and the sunshine in after weeks of cold and rain. "Sweet William (and Lily at the Valley)" by Nat King Cole is playing as I watch butterflies fly through the sky.

Ladies and gentlemen, this moment is complete bliss for me... and, thankfully, I'm not missing it by being on social media or on my cell phone. Insert dreamy sigh here. I'm SO ready for the official beginning of my favorite season (Spring!) next week. :D

Anyway, that's not why I'm blogging today. I'm blogging to comment on an article I read on the "Value of Innocence" on Verily's website. Trust me, how I started this blog is connected to this article...

The article got me thinking about how much I myself value it... and how I'm ridiculed for it. In fact, the more I read, the more I nodded and felt like the writer was a kindred spirit.

Those who know me know that I hate cussing/cursing. I see no need for it. There are so many other words in the English language that will do a better job at expressing negative emotions. When I stub my toe or get a painful injection, I tend to say, "Oh, son of a biscuit!" or "Oh, you flipping burger muncher..." Seriously, I've made many nurses and doctors laugh with my exclamations.

I prefer to keep what I watch, listen to, and read as "squeaky clean" as possible. I know I'm an adult and therefore can watch intimate/racy scenes in shows and movies but I don't like to. In fact, I will sometimes double check with friends who've watched something before I have to make sure it's something I would be comfortable watching. Even then, it takes me a while to "get" certain things said in films.

e.g. I can't watch a one-time favorite Gene Kelly movie, On the Town, because it took me a while to figure out what they were talking about. Yes, I'm serious. Just take a look at my favorite movie: Roman Holiday. I adore it and I prefer movies made before the 1960s because they tend to be a little cleaner than what's popular now.

Same with music lyrics. I tend to not listen to most modern songs for the same reason; there are so much profanity and crass remarks that make me uncomfortable. Also, my mind is so innocent (yes, I'm calling it for what it is) that I don't get the innuendos until much, much later on. At that point, I simply blush and am no longer able to listen to the song.

Now, before I go on, I'm going to say: this is all according to my preferences. I'm not saying you're a bad or sinful person if you have no issues with these things. I'm saying I have issues with them and I don't feel comfortable with them and that's why I will avoid them. Okay? Because I've had people rip into me for stating my preferences on social media before.

And what about that? I'm truly puzzled as to why my preferences bother people so much. If I state that I don't see the point to cussing or why I prefer not to see certain things, why do people feel the need to justify why they do it when I'm clearly talking about myself and not them?

I can't tell you how many times I've heard the words "prude," "Amish," "innocent" (in a hypercritical tone, accompanied with a stink face), "old-fashioned" and "holier-than-thou" thrown my way. I've been mocked and teased for my innocence. And, yes, I'll keep using that word because -- as the writer in the article wrote -- I'm going to try to do my part in trying to get people to stop using the word in a derogatory manner.

Look, I know it's "weird" for a 33-year-old woman to tend to like things that are considered innocent but I do. I'm not going to apologize for it, either. I know it seems like I'm doing it just to be counter-cultural or, even worse, to appear like I'm holier than others but it's just how I've always been. Seriously, ask anyone who has known me for over a decade and they'll confirm this fact. These are my preferences (have I stressed that enough?) and this is the kind of life I want to lead. Again, I'm truly puzzled as to why people get offended by my choices but it's something I encounter way more often than y'all would guess.

Anyone else in the same boat? If so, just know that you're not alone. We may seemingly be in the minority but we exist.

Kindred spirits, don't let anyone make you feel bad for your choices. Don't apologize when others aren't comfortable with your preferences.

Anyway, just something I wanted to share while I had the chance since I'm having a nice, leisurely day today. I'm about to go plan for tomorrow -- St. Patrick's Day -- since I'm serious Hibernophile. I'm so excited that the day finally landed on a Sunday during Lent since we get "mini-Easters" on Sundays during Lent. I don't know when it'll happen again so I'm going to make the most out of it!

I hope you all have a lovely weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!

Beginning Lent Sick; Just Call Me Catherine Morland.

Photo: Felicity Jones as Catherine Morland in ITV's version of Northanger Abbey (which I will talk about.)

I hope everyone has had a good start to Lent. As I wrote yesterday, I spent most of the day yesterday sleeping. I just couldn't stay awake. I was only up for about 6 hours yesterday night/early this morning before I slept another 8 hours. I also took another hour and a half nap today. I've never ever been this fatigued before. I've also been experiencing other things (like random chest pains) that I've never had before. It's kind of scary but I usually tell myself it's probably anxiety related since it's been getting worse lately. I don't know what's going on with me, but I am very happy that I have a doctor's appointment next week. I am worried about one thing -- that the benign lymph node I have has grown or gotten worse and that it's messing up my thyroid.

When I was in the emergency room last month, the doctor said she felt it was a bit big and that I should get it checked out. I wasn't supposed to get it checked again until May-June but I am going to ask my doctor to check just to make sure it's nothing. For all I know, not knowing whether it's my thyroid or if it's still part of the mourning process which I am still going through.

Believe it or not, I am still coping with my father's death. I'm just starting to come out of this really horrible depression that hit me for a couple of weeks. I no longer wanted to do anything, I lost interest in a lot of things I loved, and I would cry way too easily. I've always been pretty sensitive but the amount of crying I was doing was getting ridiculous. My mom went through the same, but a few weeks before I did. 7 months after dad's death, we're still dealing with it and I know we will continue to deal with it for a while longer. That's what I'm hoping is the cause for my anxiety because I don't have any other explanation at the moment. Of course my anxiety could be a number of things that might subconsciously scare me. Recently I've been feeling like I'm finally growing up (in a way)... and that might be freaking me out, even though I don't think it is.

I will be the first to acknowledge that I have grown up very protected from the world (a bit sheltered, if you will). If there were any problems within the family, I didn't find out about them until it was way over. If there were any financial problems, I never knew about them. My parents never cursed in front of me, nor did they argue in front of me. I didn't really know about problems in the outside world until I went out and experienced them (or heard about them) myself. Perhaps that's why friends say I am an "eternal optimist", because I still believe that everything will eventually work out for the best.

Recently someone close to me commented about how "innocent" I still was, despite being nearly 25 years old. I didn't notice how that seems to be the general consensus amongst those closest to me until I became very aware of why they thought this. See, I've been going to the movies a lot lately (which I love doing when I have the time and resources). During some sex scenes (or scenes where the couple is getting intimate but they don't actually show anything), I turn away from the screen and occupy myself with my cell phone or something until it's over. I've had this habit since I was a child and it's continued as an adult. My guy friends have a field day when I do this. I get teased mercilessly, which is why I think they secret enjoy going to the movies with me. lol. In fact, if there's kissing in a scene, they will put their hands over my eyes... which I will slap away if it's not a big deal. The best explanation I can offer to this is that, despite the fact that I know it's acting, I feel intrusive on a couple's intimate moment... and if that intimate moment is graphic, adulterous, and/or lustful I just refuse to watch it because it offends me. Apparently, by doing this, I am showing how innocent I am. I mean, there are other obvious reasons why they call me what they do (a little petunia) but I don't know. I didn't think this was a bad thing.

I mean, I can see how a little innocence at my age can be a bad thing. If any of you have read Jane Austen's novel Northanger Abbey and/or know about the heroine in the book, Catherine Morland, than you pretty much know what my problem is. (And, side note, this is the reason why I've been so into this novel lately... Henry Tilney being the other reason. ;D) Unfortunately, as I've said in previous posts, that innocence (or naiveté) has made me a very easy target for people. I've become more aware of it lately. As I've written before, I get why people say I'm too nice. I don't speak up sometimes because I hate drama... or I go along with something to avoid conflict. I've been trying to be more assertive lately... and it's hard. It's a lot harder than I thought it was. I'm always very worried that I will hurt someone's feelings if I say I don't want to do something, unless I know it's something stupid and something that would not be worth repeating to a priest in the confessional. Fr. Brian has told me to be more assertive and it's actually going to be my penance during Lent. (See how I tied that in? ;D) I am going to speak up more and not worry about the other person's reaction as much, especially if I feel good about speaking up. It's quite possibly the hardest thing I'm going to have to do because it goes against my people-pleaser nature and my "I probably deserved that" mentality.

In short, just call me Catherine Morland. I am about to reach the end of my real life version of the novel (sans my own Henry Tilney, le sigh; I will have to be patient with that one), which means I have to continue to grow. My new saying is coming from a Ben Kweller song called "Walk on Me" -- "If I was in your shoes, I wouldn't walk all over you, so please don't walk all over me." I might just have to quote that to people from now on because it's still saying it in a nice way but you get the message across more bluntly. This is going to be one interesting Lent.

Alright, I have to go work on my homework for the week since I've lost a couple of days -- I'm a little behind the second week into the semester. *palmface* I have many quizzes and discussion threads... and assignments... and essays... to work on. I will continue to try to post at least one little thing every day during Lent (like I did yesterday).

Oh, btw, a friend is letting me borrow a first edition copy of St. Therese of Lisieux's autobiography so that will be my first book during Lent. Yay! :D

Okay, enough stalling now. I am going to dive into the wonderful worlds of Art Appreciation, Creative Writing, Humanities and History (which will both focus on the beginning of civilizations). :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D